Chapter 4 - A Lesson for this Pay2win! - First Half
Part 1
Being the prince of a wealthy nation is hard.
Especially when you were born without talent and have no redeeming features to compensate.
But being an adventurer is harder—
Because I have no one to fall back on but myself.
Sigh.
Well, I can fall back on my teammates, technically; but what kind of prince hides behind three young girls?
Thankfully, in this case I do at least have a template I can work from.
"Thank you very much, Ravi-san! Enjoy your purchases and have a nice day!"
Ahhh!
I can see the uptick in business is raising shopkeeper-san's spirit.
This is only natural after getting such high level business advice from someone at the apex of the trade game.
"It is worth dropping in just to see your smiling face, shopkeeper-san. I'm afraid it will be a little while before I come by again; this quest I am stocking up for will take us away from Axel for quite a while… In fact, this may even be the last time we meet."
"EHHHhhhhhh!? You're still young, don't do anything foolish!"
Foolish? Maybe.
Though from that face I can tell—
That I really was the reason for her surge in business.
The sole reason, in fact.
Well, I suppose it should be fine.
After being derided for my stinginess on high grade consumables before, I've purchased a solid stock of the 'good stuff'.
But there is one "talent" that never fails to deliver…
Money!
…It's not cheating at all to use it to the fullest, right?
"Let's see, food stores, camping supplies, various consumables,… the household items we missed the other day…hmm…."
Ah, that smell again…
"Ah, Mr! I'll take three kabobs!"
I think I'm getting the hang of this whole living-out-of-state deal, at least.
I reached into my wallet and withdrew…
…
The last three hundred eris inside.
…
I seem to have somehow spent a half billion eris in just a few days of adventuring.
I guess it's time to make a new withdrawal.
"We're ready! Soon it will be time to head out!"
I announced at lunch.
"Ah… about that… shouldn't we, uh, practice using our new skills before heading out? I just feel… I need more time."
"The devil has always been ready. What's so dangerous about some ruins anyway?"
"E-even though I didn't learn any new skills, I will still come along…"
Very well, we only have one objector and his reasoning is absurd.
"What practice do we need? I merely buffed my heal rate and resistance spells. Komekko-san can teleport now, but it's easy to use and won't come into play until we have some nodes set. I guess your Spellbound Arrow skill can use some practice, but…"
Crap, I totally forgot about his new skill!
"…It's too dangerous to shoot spells all over the place in Axel! You can practice all you want on the way to Norse. Point is, we need to get moving as early as possible!"
I went on to present my travel plans.
"Since time is money and I want my sword skills back ASAP, here's what I believe to be the fastest way of getting to the Norse ruins. Since Axel doesn't provide long-distance transportation out to nowhere, we'll have to buy a lizard runner carriage from elsewhere."
For some reason, Revi's gaze was focused miles away.
Is he still jealous of my powerful skills?
"L-lizard runner!? Aren't those the scary monsters that run victims down in large groups? Kazuma-san broke his neck because of them…"
Rorisa seems concerned.
Sure, Kazuma-san did get crushed down after he killed their female subject.
Though, while they say the male lizards were enraged, I still suspect that they mistook him for an even stronger and desirable female.
"Ah, no worries, they're tamed specifically for the purpose of transportation. The point is, we will book an express teleportation to the capital, my home, where we can hopefully buy a levitating carriage from the royal transportation department. In case they refuse to sell us one for security reasons, I'm sure their more corrupt equivalent over at Elroad will help us out. After all…"
At this point, I looked directly at the engine behind my plans.
"Every man has his price, and this boy is more than able to pay. Right, prince?"
"… …"
"…Revi?"
For some reason, instead of putting on a smug and confident smile, Revi continued to stare off into space.
I instinctively looked behind me to check in case there was a voluptuous female stealing his attention.
…Thankfully, there wasn't one.
"Sounds amazing, Iris-san! …You see, the Devil has really never travelled all that much… That one time when Megumin-neesan and I had to walk two dozen kilometers down the river to find lobsters was the furthest I've gone from home other besides teleporting to Axel. There will be a lot of scenery, right? Will we be riding for hours or days? Will we spend nights outside again!?"
Komekko made it sound as if travelling for long periods of time is a good thing.
I wish I could swap bodies with her. Where did Kazuma take that relic anyway?
But still—
—What is wrong with this prince? Is he sick?
"Oh um… right… as I said, I kinda wanna stay here for a little longer. What reason is there to rush? I mean, you're the only one who lost their powers, hehe… Are you telling me you're starting to miss your mundane princess life? Look at our new party members, don't you wanna stay with them more?" Revi responded with a robotic tone.
"Sure I do, but that's no way to be. Sooner or later the higher-ups will find out and… who knows what they'll do? What if they hunt down Regina-sama and make us stuck in this form? What if Regina-sama finishes us off before that happens?"
Hey.
Now that I've said it out loud…
There aren't exactly many things that could go wrong should we take our time with the quest.
Still, it's probably the safest to not spend too long on transit. Who knows how long the actual retrieval process might take.
"Oh come on prince boy, did something happen? Homesick? Nightmare? Got some grim realizations from being at that stage in life? … Or did you just notice you're the only guy in this party? I kid. Komekko is looking forward to this trip, don't disappoint her okay?"
Ironically, I'd only just had my phase a few days ago.
"…Oi Iris, you have a lot of cash to spend, right? The last time I checked, Belzerg wasn't on the brink of bankruptcy."
Of course I do.
Well, I carry about as much as a regular noble would and surely not as much as what this boy packs.
"No, why would I bring all my wealth to what started out as a training session? Are you trying to push the lunch bill on me?"
I must find out what he is planning.
"Don't worry Ravi-san! The devil has a lot of ritual money offered by the masses. I can pay the bills if you want!"
In response, Revi suddenly put on a deeply sorrowful face.
"I-I'm sorry, my faithful comrades, my thankless princess. I was not able to withdraw a batch of cash for our upcoming activities due to… a 'system error'. I have failed you all. Until the bank solves their issues in who knows how long… I'm afraid our adventures will have to be put on hold."
Komekko and Rorisa fell silent.
…
"No… No money? Does that mean no food? Are we going to starve Ravi-san? Will I have to go back to getting food using my body?"
"Don't say it that way Komekko! Nee-san works at a restaurant after all, maybe I could convince them to-"
"PFHAHAHAHAHAHA! Look at you!"
But all I could feel is intense joy.
"Stopping our adventure because you ran out of cash!? Don't be ridiculous, that's when the adventure begins! Oh I can't wait to see you try to survive a day without that wallet of yours. PFAHAHAHA!"
I feel many eyes turn towards me, but I don't care.
I will take this chance and laugh at this prince until I'm satisfied. Screw royal manners.
"You really get more obnoxious every passing day don't you!?" Revi is now flustered and angry.
"Don't mind me, I've just really been looking forward to this moment. The talentless prince gets his only tool taken away. Welcome to Axel, boy."
"Enough! I haven't forgotten what you did that night. Do you really think I'm someone to be played around with? In fact, what do you even have besides your subjective 'cuteness'? I bet your parents don't want to see you because you're adopted! And yes, you're nothing but an object, a token for exchange when asking for favors from other, more well-managed nations, like mine. It's a bloody miracle that anyone manages to fall for you, so be thankful."
He went all out. He didn't even care that others were listening and probably think he's crazy.
And man I regret teasing him that night. What was I thinking!? I knew this guy can't be trusted. I could almost feel my cheeks burning up…!
"Man, that's some terrible PR. So you do admit that you fell for me huh? Looks like you'll have extra fun in these upcoming days of poverty."
I, of course, have enough cash to afford the trip.
But for some reason, a voice in my head told me to let him suffer.
As if I really wanted to get my revenge for what his nation did to mine.
"Umm… Nee-san, nii-san, please don't break up over this… I'm sorry for ruining your relationship… I swear I'll leave your man alone!" Komekko consoled us teary-eyed.
The looks we were getting just intensified tenfold.
"No no no! It's nothing like that! You're just a friend to us! A valuable team member!"
"Y-yeah! You're like my… little sister! Someone who's there for me when this b*tch isn't!"
Despite our explanation, the deathly gaze from the crowd didn't subside.
It was only when Rorisa sincerely shook her head did the adventurers calm back down.
…The males, at least.
"It's amazing how easily you can be manipulated, Ravi. Just one little tease and you get pumped with anger."
"Oh, why don't you have a gander at what Komekko-chan is wearing? Have you forgotten already?"
…I underestimated this guy…!
"Hey… hey! Stop trying to strangle me! I have… poor resistance… stats!"
Although I'm seriously considering buying us girls teleportation tickets and leaving this guy alone, I'd much rather take this chance to do more hands-on adventuring.
Totally not to watch Revi suffer from poverty, nope.
At the very least, the journey will have to be longer, more exhausting and full of risk.
Just like how a real penniless party would feel if they tried to travel to Norse.
This way, we'll finally get the condescending prince to admit that "being rich" is not a life skill he should be proud of.
And as for Komekko? It'd be a real shame if her new playmate turned out to be a wimp.
I thought to myself as we headed home after lunch.
"Now that we can't pay for transportation services… you ready for a long long hike, prince?"
Of course, I wasn't actually planning to walk the whole way.
I was going to play with him a bit before digging into my own pockets for a carriage.
"Well… You think I'd pussy out!? I'm gonna try my hardest to adapt, just wait! This won't be the first time we spent a night out; how bad could it be?"
"Do you really think it'll only be one night? We're crossing national borders here. Also, you've used up all your fancy instant unfoldable furniture on that last trip, haven't you? We'll be living off the land, you know?"
"Those single-use pieces of… It's just a tent! And fire. And a safety perimeter. And a source of water too I guess…? And… Ugghhh, I'll learn all this, I promise you!"
Learn? From where?
"Woah! Camping!? For multiple nights!? Just like the old times!? The Devil is very excited! She hasn't felt that excited in years!"
Ah, from her. Of course.
"E-even with our… your upgraded skills, are you sure we won't have problems dealing with those wild, undead monsters? I can't really do much against them… They're much stronger than rookie killers and we've seen what happens when Komekko runs out of mana… "
Rorisa brought up a good point.
Well, since the whole thing is just a prank anyway, I'll have Komekko teleport us back in case anything gets too hairy.
Sounds like a perfectly safe plan!
"… Yeah Alice! This plan is actually very dangerous, now that I think about it…"
"Sounds like a perfect scenario to practice Spell Binding, Ravi! Treat it as a continuation of your training. Learn by doing, right?"
"Whoa, the Devil wants a pet neroid too!"
What is this girl asking all of the sudden?
Following her eyes, I noticed a neroid obediently following a happily skipping girl.
Since when did they behave that way!? Last time I checked, catching them was a real hassle.
"O-oi! Er, Ahem. Excuse me miss; if I may ask, how did you manage to keep this neroid, as what seems to be, a pet?"
It's been a long while since I last used my royal voice, and I honestly hate doing it.
Still, I want to be as polite as possible when speaking to strangers.
"Hmm? I bought it! I bought it from the travelling merchant person at the Guild Hall! I had to wait for a while, but it was worth it! It's so cute!" The young girl replied innocently.
"… Komekko, there has to be a way. If it makes you happy, I will do whatever it takes to buy you one even if it means delaying our mission." Revi stated with a righteous expression.
Helping a cute girl as an excuse to put aside something he dreads. Real clever, but also overused.
After all, I've been used for just that by a certain someone many times.
And yes, I consider myself cute. Deal with it.
"Hmm, that's a shame… Though, it wouldn't hurt to take her to at least see the stand, right, Alice? You and Ravi can go do any preparations necessary while Komekko and I go check out the travelling merchant."
Rorisa suggested with a motherly gaze.
As much as I despise demons, I feel safer letting her take care of Komekko than that guy.
"Maa, we don't have much to do now that the whole plan's ruined. Don't know about him, but I'm going with you two."
It's true; the whole point of my new strategy is to slow down the torture.
Besides, while I've monitored their activity and even helped in regulating them, I've never met with one face-to-face.
They're loved by people such as collectors and rich nobles but disliked by others for working a "dishonorable" job. After all, they do rely heavily on luck, and nothing feels worse than getting the short end of the stick.
Right outside the Guild Hall, we were greeted by a large crowd of people.
I guess travelling merchants are pretty uncommon for small towns like Axel.
"…Again, if you aren't going to purchase, please don't stand around. I'll be departing tomorrow, so you should let others take their turns don't you think?"
The merchant woman seems to be quite impatient about the crowd of onlookers.
I decided to squeeze through for a closer look.
"Are the rumors true? Does this animal's milk really make your… bigger!?"
"That bird is so fluffy…! Does it taste good? Does it give a lot of experience?"
"Hey… uuhm… ! How… How much is the… the long tentacled… squid-looking thing!? It's not like, I want… to buy it! I'm… merely thinking of getting one for my friend!"
I try not to think too hard about what those people were saying.
"I'm not judging your motives but there are better ways to satisfy them don't you think? Those are very rare creatures you know?"
With the help of my small (ish) stature, I opened a way through the sea of people.
Ah, there she is.
What an exotic and dissonant mix of clothes. In what nation did this kind of fashion sense originate from?
She also looks very annoyed and on the verge of screaming externally.
"Alice! Look! The neroids! They're right there!"
Komekko doesn't seem to see anyone around her but those strangely obedient neroids sitting on the display shelf.
By the way, after seeing the creatures supposedly for sale on the shelf, I can somewhat understand why so many people have clustered here.
"Excuse me, madam! How much are the neroids? How do they work? Are they real or some magically animated organism?" I cut straight to the chase before she could shoo me away.
"How much? Well, I don't trade for money. I want exotic assets. Rare herbs, fancy fabric, ancient artifacts, good magic items…things like that. And by 'good' I mean relic-tier items, yeah? Not those crappy rejects in that masked suit-man's shop."
Not wanting money? That's a breath of fresh air compared to a certain archer.
I guess it wouldn't make sense for a travelling merchant to make profit in the form of currency when every town has their own.
I bet Revi's bow would sell for loads; though doing that would put our adventuring careers at risk.
"I-I see… Thanks for your time. Hope you enjoy your travels."
I turned around to Komekko's dismay and started squeezing my way back out.
Snap—
Hearing the merchant snap behind my back, I turned around—
"Psst! That sword of yours; mind if I take a look?"
Ah, the last memento of my former glory.
Not that it has even been a week yet…
"Um… it's— hey!"
She took it without letting me finish!
"Hmm… Very nice craftsmanship. Mirror polished… adamantite with traces of vulcanite along the edge… mithril core for added tensility… all enchanted with some ancient aura. Where did you get this?"
Some gasps could be heard from the crowd.
Of course it's well-made! It was passed down through many generations of royalty!
Though they never told me where it was first made, I could make an educated guess.
"It was forged millenia ago by mysterious ancestors of great power in the heart of what is now Belzerg. It then went on to slay countless unholy spirits serving the Demon King in the hands of hundreds of heros. Now give it back or—"
"Hahaha~ I was just messing with you. Impressively forged sword, but it's no relic. Got a little too imaginative there, don't you think~?"
And she tossed the sword back to me.
"Wow! What a great story, Alice-san! Megumin-chan tried to teach me this art of 'creativity' for a long time but I never improved much…"
Komekko looked both disappointed and impressed.
The crowd began to laugh.
"…Hey Alice, wanna get out of here? I know you still hate me but insulting your sword was too far. Alice? Hello?"
…
…This…
…This was the worst humiliation I've ever received.
Unacceptable!
That was a straight-up lie! I once slew a dragon with my sword! If only I can [Exterion] her right now…!
"Aww don't be upset young one; a decent weapon can be a key to finding legendary loot! One does not simply walk into Norse. It's a common saying between us travelling merchants. You should keep on adventuring don't you think?"
She patted me on the head while saying that…!
All the feelings of personal growth I've had suddenly vaporized.
"Well that proverb of yours is stupid because I'm about to head straight to Norse! Literally!"
Suddenly, the merchant put on a serious face.
After thinking for a moment…
"Going to Norse, huh. If you were serious and not joking, there are some important things you need to be aware of."
That's a tone change I did not expect.
"Are you poking fun at me again? Unlike you greedy merchants, we adventurers have duties to attend to! What do you have against us journeying to Norse—!?"
"You can't walk into it. It's simple. Everything of value has been buried deep underground."
… Ah. Well, that would be a problem—
—Had Komekko not joined our party.
"Our wizard knows some explosion magic. She can simply uproot whatever it is we might be looking for."
"Across an entire barren wasteland filled with deadly beasts? That's a little too tall of a task, don't you think?"
She does bring up a fair point…
Unless, of course, it's all part of her grand ruse.
"You seem to know an awful lot about that… barren place for a merchant." Rorisa suddenly made an interesting observation.
"Common knowledge. A bunch of scavengers constantly visit there in hopes of uncovering great relics. And believe it or not, they found a way in. I could tell you more, but it won't be free. Knowledge is wealth, don't you agree? So is time, by the way. In case you didn't hear, I'll be leaving tomorrow."
Damn! I hit the paywall again.
If her claims hold any truth, my Revi-torture plan may not work after all. Should I trust her or take the risk?
I looked over to my teammates with an uncertain gaze.
They each shook their heads, except—
"Nee-san has these magical machines she calls 'game consoles' at home… Should I try stealing one? Maybe it'll sell… Oh, she also has these powerful contraceptive devices that work multiple times without using any mana! They look kinda weird and un-relic-ly though."
Contraceptives!? Komekko, I think you should stop talking to your older sister!
"Hahahaha! Don't worry, little crimson demon; let's not resort to crimes. There are other ways of paying me. Come on inside if you are interested."
The merchant proposed as she pointed towards a caravan behind her.
Somehow, I feel very convinced to go in despite her being a complete stranger. Too convinced.
"By 'other' you don't mean anything shady, right? You aren't going to harvest our organs or anything, right!?" I questioned on. This happens way too often in the less regulated corners of the capital, and as a princess I'm dedicated to putting an end to it.
"Ah, no. It's only a commission. Why would I want any parts of your worthless bodies?"
Perhaps I was too paranoid.
But commissions? Aren't they like, the errands my father gave me but paid? What does she want us to do?
We're already on a quest; taking a 'commission' probably isn't a good idea.
"I…think that's all we'll talk about. We'll—"
"Actually, since it's basically free, I'd be very interested in knowing more about that place." Suddenly, the prince cut me off.
Revi seems to have a newfound appreciation for free things.
I really don't see a reason we should trust a merchant for adventuring advice, but it doesn't hurt to let him take the lead for once.
"Oi, since you want to go in so much, Mr. Master Bargainer, go ahead and make it cheaper for us."
"Yes please, I also want to know more about Norse, so…"
"Everyone's pushing Ravi… The devil will join! Yoisho!"
We unanimously began to shove him forwards—
"H-hey! At least give me the sword in case she's a part-time serial killer!"
We carefully circled around the front stand to arrive at a rather large caravan.
Even larger creatures are leashed behind the shelves; most of them I've never seen before.
But one thing in common about them is that they are all calm and well-trained; staring at us alertly as we passed by.
"Psst, Iris, isn't it illegal to keep wild creatures weighing over 10 kilos outside of cages?" Revi whispered.
"That law only applies to populated regions… Still, I don't feel it's fitting to call them 'wild' anymore."
Indeed, even the monsters and undeads are tame as livestock.
It's making me feel uneasy.
"Ah, sorry for the wait. Some people were asking disturbing questions again. They really should be more polite, don't you think."
The travelling merchant emerged from behind the main stand—
—Huh?
For some reason, she's now about the same height as me.
I could have sworn she was a tall adult in her mid 20s.
Curiously, I looked past her and saw—
—Ah, there was a staircase leading up to the window.
Suddenly, her claims felt a lot more trustworthy and my heart calmed slightly.
"Ehh!? What is happening… why is everyone we meet a young girl!? Is there some mysterious attractive force between human children!?" Rorisa is starting to lose her mind.
I want to believe that's true, but it's still too early to assume the age—or even gender—of this merchant.
"Please, Miss Succubus. Sure I'm not an adult, but neither am I a child by any metric. Let's head into the carriage first; what we're about to discuss is top secret you know?"
And so we sat down on some crates and cages in the cramped space.
It reeks of animal fur in here, but not the usual kind.
"All these dolls… they're cute but creepy in such numbers. Why do you have them?"
Oh, we're also surrounded by rows and rows of fully articulated dolls wearing all kinds of miniature clothes.
I sure hope they aren't possessed…!
"Umm… that aside, can you first tell us what this 'commission' entails before we agree to anything?"
"For those two great questions I have one answer; those dolls are the commissions. Uuu… you see, I have this hobby of collecting samples of exotic fashion. Having full suits of armor and robes would take up too much valuable space, me being a travelling merchant and all, so…" The girl started blushing.
"I-I mean, I don't play with them or anything! Anyways, since I've just collected the Arcanretia and Axel samples, I'm only missing one from the Crimson Demon village. You'll be heading there anyway, so don't you think you could help me out?"
Meanwhile, Komekko is completely distracted by the dolls.
She seems to like them a lot.
"Oh, don't be embarrassed. It's perfectly fine for girls to like dolls, even at this age. Just look at Alice here, would you believe it if I told you she still—"
"Shut up! You know nothing! And we can help you out but… what do you mean by 'heading there anyway'?"
"That's the second part of my answer. The only entrance to Norse's underground complexes is via Teleportation. From numerous studies and research, the explorers have concluded that the only entrance is nested deep within the Crimson Demon village. Unfortunately, they weren't able to decrypt the locking mechanism…"
Lock?
In the Crimson Demon village?
"Lock? Kazuma nii-san went there some time ago and unlocked a secret room… It had a bunch of cool… 'relics', I guess? …Inside. Oh! I also killed a Demon General! All by myself! Hmmph!"
Komekko bragged triumphantly. I've heard of the story and everything makes sense so far.
Such a commission doesn't seem unreasonable; I'm sure there will be Crimson Demons bored enough to make doll clothes.
"Y-you killed it by yourself!? U-um, wow! That's incredible! You're ready for the trip to Norse already don't you think!?"
"Of course! The Devil's always been prepared. I merely needed time to allow my faithful followers to catch up."
Rorisa looked down in response to Komekko.
"H-hey, this is just one big gag right? Haha, it's too ridiculous to be real, right?"
Oh Revi, we haven't even started.
Instead of righting him, I pushed on—
"So, how should we deliver the product? We frankly have no clue when we'll return, and you are also leaving today… By the way, what is your name? If you ever need to find me, just look for 'Alice'! …Or they sometimes call me 'Iris', that's my… nickname…"
"Oh, and in case you can't find her; look for me, 'Ravi' or 'Revi', as some people call me. I'm much more famous than her."
This guy…!
"I'm the Red Devil! But most people call me Komekko… The receptionist knows me, so…"
"Eeeeh… I… I would prefer if you don't come looking for me… Please."
I can't blame her, being a succubus among men is tough. Plus, Rorisa literally means "loli succubus"—not exactly a dignified name.
"Ah, Komekko! Now you're someone I know; the guild people kept mentioning you left and right. I'm Marion, pleasure doing business. And don't worry about the delivery, I'll come to you after all is done. In fact, since I'm almost done here, I could even give you a lift to the village this afternoon up till where the road stops. Nice deal don't you think? Not that you can refuse since I've already told you the critical information."
A free ride huh?
Not bad, but that would mean Revi doesn't get the punishment I've prepared for him.
"Fine. Fortunately, you don't seem like a bad person, liking dolls and all. Still, out of all the things you could market, why animals? Where did you even find some of these? Did you tame them yourself? Just curious."
I've seen absurd items for sale by these travelling merchants before, but tames are a first.
"That is a trade secret! If I told you my ways, everyone would tame their own creatures and I'd go bankrupt don't you think?"
Damn, she didn't fall for it.
Not that I wanted my own pet cabbage. Nope.
"I also have a question!" Revi enthusiastically cut in.
"Are you single?"
…
"Ah, that's also a trade secret."
Part 2
"He kept going in the wrong hole, but it still felt great."
"And he went that far within the first week!? Wow, you're really skilled for a 16 year old!"
"Oh it's nothing; I've seen quicker. He was pretty lively, always moving quickly and spraying his stuff all over me. You have no idea how hard it was to clean up."
"Having played with similar substances in my childhood, I can sympathize."
"But after some potty training and maturation, he now sleeps in the right hole, stays put and cleans himself of gold glitter regularly."
Maron-san gently petted the golden bunny resting on her shoulder.
"You have no idea how much people were willing to pay for him. I thought he was too cute to sell, don't you agree?"
"Are the gold flakes on his fur real gold? If so, I can see why people are willing to pay so much…" Revi said as he stroked the bunny's shining golden fur carefully.
He is revving up his profit calculator again.
"What do you think? You are what you eat, and he eats no gold. It's actually urine crystals. It's how he 'pees'. I had to invent a special 'urinal' just for him… intriguing, don't you think? —Hey, calm down, they don't smell so—and stop washing your hands, water is what makes them smell!"
I giggled at Revi shaking his hands insanely.
The ride turned out to be rather relaxing and peaceful.
The sound of nature, Rorisa and Komekko playing make-believe family in the back, Revi being Revi, the gentle rocking of the carriage, cool wind in our hair, sunset on the horizon…
Wait.
"Well lookie here, adventurers, we've arrived at the end of the road. Everything will be on foot from here on. Any last things you want to say?"
The sunset.
That means night is coming in a few hours.
Unless we want to move through the forest at night, we should probably find a place to camp.
"Uhh… question; can we stay in your caravan till the morning?" Revi asked the obvious question.
"Hahaha~ No. Time, like information, is also money. Eight hours of idling could potentially be devastating. I might miss many quick deals and rare creatures, don't you think? Plus, you guys have a wizard capable of killing Demon Generals, you should be safe. Have fun!"
And with that, Marion turned and continued down the dirt road.
Watching her caravan disappear into the distance, worries started settling in once again.
"What are you all waiting for? This way! Trust the Devil, for she never lies!" Komekko sounded excited, on the contrary.
Maybe I was indeed too paranoid.
After all, we've slept in a freaking dungeon.
It was with high-tier portable furniture, sure, but the danger was high all the same.
"I still think we should have bought something before letting her leave… What if we run into real demons at night?"
"You're right, we should have sold your useless crossbow."
"H-hey, but I am a real demon… Is there a joke I'm missing? Please don't bully me—"
We've been walking in the grass for a while now.
Fortunately, the sun still hasn't set.
Out here, Komekko is the only person we can rely on.
Though we see her as a child, her confident navigation gives a strong sense of maturity.
Guess she really is 11 as opposed to 10 years old.
"I-Iris, are you crying?"
What.
Did I get that sentimental?
No way, but…
Rorisa has sharp senses and rarely lies.
What if I'm really crying? I need an excuse..
"… Never mind, it's coming from the forest…"
Crying from the forest!? This is incredibly disturbing!
I should stay as far as possible from that.
If I'm not wrong, crying in the forest usually points to either ghosts or traps.
The kind of traps that kills you, that is.
"You'd think think there'd be at least a proper path to this village… If anything, it'll be great for tourism! Just think of all the people willing to visit a place full of magical girls…!"
"We already have that, you know? We just take them by teleportation exclusively so that unwanted guests don't find their way into the barrier. We have a plenty of attractions, by the way. You get to watch the Demon King's daughter undress at night! We also used to have two ancient Goddesses sealed in our village, though by now they've both been released… Maybe someday we can convince Aqua-san to become our next attraction."
"The barrier? What kind of barrier?"
"The kind that keep unholy beings out; you know, demons and such. It's a necessity for a place so close to the Demon King's castle."
"Hmm… How will the Great Devil herself get in without a teleportation node then?"
"Umm… Hmmph! The barrier is smart, it only blocks bad, evil devils! Heroic ones like me, who killed Sylvia, can pass right through!"
"Hahaha, that's amazing. Speaking of demons…what about Rorisa-san?"
I looked back—
—to find no one.
"R-Rorisa?"
She seems to be missing…!
"Umm… Revi, stay with Komekko. I'll go look for Rorisa."
"Rorisa? What happened, is she gone? Wha- hey! Don't just run off like that!"
It was obvious.
She must have fallen for the trap!
I can only hope that it's not some super powerful undead monster.
Sure I can cast [turn undead], but as a priest, I cannot heal demons.
"Please get away from me!" I could hear a young girl's voice.
Crap, is it too late?
"I told you I didn't need help, please leave me alone!"
"But you look so adorable! Please just let me stay for a while longer! I promise that I will do no harm!"
Wait.
Now I hear two young girls.
One of them has to be Rorisa, right!?
I followed the sound.
"Please, if you want me to survive, leave me alone! In fact, you're actively killing me with your presence!"
Huh!?
Before me is Rorisa, alright.
But in her arms is a small girl kneeling on the ground with bandages over her limbs.
Was she the one who cried for help?
At the sight of me, both of them abruptly stopped.
"Oh great… Um, h-help! This demon is harassing me, a defenceless, injured girl! P-please take her away and leave as soon as possible!"
"But I'm only trying to help you! Tell me, where does it hurt? Alice-san here is a priest, she can heal you right up!"
…Rorisa must have scared this girl, whoever she might be.
"Rorisa-san, mind explaining what went on here? Why not let her be? She clearly doesn't like you around."
"S-sorry, I just got a unexplained urge to protect her when I saw her… Despite her demands, I just can't seem to pry myself from her."
Amazing. Who knew a succubus could be this empathetic?
I softened my tone;
"Well… That's very nice of you. But please, let me heal her and we'll going. We have to find shelter before sundown."
"Ah-uhm, I-I'm fine, it doesn't hurt that much. All I need is some lone time… Thanks for your consideration!"
The small girl put on a bright smile.
Despite her protest, I aimed my staff at her and—
"Hmm, you don't appear to be a valid heal target. How strange, all animate creatures should be valid; even demons!"
Or perhaps my staff is simply not good enough. But I don't want her to think that.
"Oh don't be shy, loneliness is never the solution! I may be a succubus, but I'm very gentle and caring! I can also assure you that I'm not into that kind of relationship; although, I won't refuse in case you desire it either~"
Whoa, don't scare me, Rorisa!
At this point, the mysterious girl seems to be losing patience.
Why doesn't she run away? She said she wasn't too heavily injured, right?
I doubt Rorisa would be mean enough to chase after her.
"Hmm, how's this? Since Rorisa—that's her name by the way—doesn't want to let go, I'll carry you back with us. We can give you shelter and hopefully be able to heal you properly."
Saying that, I went forward and reached one arm under her thighs.
Since we're both straight girls, that shouldn't be too strange.
"Ueehhh!? P-please don't touch me! Ow, ow that hurts! Put me down!"
The moment I started lifting her, however, something tugged her back towards the ground.
Noticing this strange appendage, I can't help but ask;
"Huh? What's this?"
"P-put me down first! I can explain!"
Just now.
"Hey Iris, you shouldn't just run off like that. You know that nothing good ever happens whenever a group splits— Oh my lord who is that girl and have I just interrupted something private!?"
This idiot prince just had to follow.
"Sorry about that, I'll go tell Komekko to not come. I didn't know you swung that way, Iris! The more reasons to chase after someone else." Said Revi as he turned 180.
"What did you just say!? Did you leave Komekko all by herself!?"
"Everyone, please calm down! Let me explain—-!"
As if our adventures weren't bizarre enough already, the 'girl' we just met is really a vegetable, and not in the way I refer to the prince.
She's a literal, moving plant.
They call them 'tranquility girls' because apparently they're good at euthanasia.
"Excuse me, sorry for the confusion…I really, truly cannot help it. I don't suppose I could bother you three humans to urinate on me before you go?"
I-is that a plants way of begging?
"Um, regardless of any fetishes she may or may not have, that seems a bit…"
"What do you mean my presence is harming you!? I..I'm not that bad a gardener! I even managed to keep a dandelion alive for a whole day in my cauldron last month…"
What the tranquility girl meant was that Rorisa's presence may scare away future 'clients' thus causing starvation, but I guess she could be a physical threat too.
"So… Are you seriously asking for us to um…[create water] on you?'
The prince looks oddly curious here…
"Well, I seem to have taken root in rather infertile soil, any fertilizers you could spare would be kindly appreciated…"
As strange as it is to see such a polite and pitiable monster, I don't think we really should-
"….Or else my poor children won't have a chance."
-!
"The devil does not approve of wasting food!…If 'that' can be considered food…why can't we give it to her?'
She said, tilting her little head at me.
Well, I can't help it.
I don't need to pee right now.
Rorisa, who finally pried herself from the cute tranquility girl, stepped forward and said-
"Even if you get a little help now…there is no guarantee your saplings will survive…"
I don't think they would survive being both sickly and surrounded by other high level monsters in this area as well.
"Hmm…Normally you trap script kiddies to feed on, yes? Then the devil will go kill some big monsters for you to eat!"
What!?
"Komekko, I don't think you understand what that term means."
"I know they're described as skilless and lack knowledge, doesn't that seem like the perfect place to use it?"
More importantly, where did she learn that from!?
"Komekko! Iris knows she's been using… 'elite vocabulary' lately, but it's nothing to be proud of, really!"
…Nonetheless, she's willing to go that far, huh.
I was thinking about killing her off for good, but let's see what she's capable of.
Revi looked on and said, "That isn't a long term solution you know, there is only one way. The saplings have to be moved!"
Oh my! What's this sudden streak of prince like compassion? Is this some new leaf, something I missed? Something I ca-
"And perhaps we can come to an equitable deal here about selling your children into human servitude?"
-Good to know I wasn't dreaming. This is one terrible place to fall asleep.
The poor plant's fake lips quivered, as if all hope was lost.
But Revi only pressed his advantage.
It's over, plant. Revi is revved up.
-Eventually;
"Three."
"Two and a half."
"…I can't even sprout more down the line with just that!"
They negotiated heatedly.
"It's better than you realize, what we have here is high quality…premium royal goods! It will surely fetch a higher price."
Ahh, my prince, I don't think your shit don't stink or something like that!
In exchange for… our 'assistance', we ended up agreeing to take three saplings with us.
"Now down to business, how should we deal with this? It sounds messy, and inconvenient, and oh Lady Eris save my virgin eyes!"
…
"Thank you for your… fertilizer. I can't believe I'm thanking humans for this basic sustenance; you have no idea how few people pass by here."
What an awful species.
I'll be sure to clean them out when I regain my power.
"By the way, your sprout was bigger than I thought, Ravi!"
Huh!?
Part 3
Once we got deep into the woods, and with the light starting to fail, we decided to make camp.
Luckily, we were able to locate the creek in this region, thanks to Komekko's expertise and some map studying.
"Boy, I sure do love this automatic shelter artifact. How much was this again? It doesn't matter."
Thus, I decided to begin the main procedure for my Revi torture plan.
With a 'poof', the fully furnished house popped into existence.
"At least we don't have to live out here in the wild… like, setting up tents and stuff. Uh… Iris? What is that thing? Is that a magic door!? When did you..."
"Girls only. Sorry, darling."
Ahh, that look-
I'm already loving it!
"So, time for me to start on the dinner! the kitchen in this thing is fully furnished… I sure hope you brought your own share. What's that? You didn't? Don't worry, I heard there are a plenty virgin berries in this area."
"Why is this the most fun I've seen you have to date!?"
Oh prince, just take a mirror and look at your own face.
Wait, you don't have one. More fun for me!
Komekko came out the door munching on a sandwich.
"Ah, does Revi want some?"
"A gift from the Devil? How could I refuse-wait, no!"
Just as she was about to hand over the sandwich, I intercepted it.
"Oh no, not yet, Komekko. You see, Revi has never lacked food or really anything in his life thus far, and I'm sure he's more than eager to experience living without it all being available. It's all on you to teach him the au-natural lifestyle!"
"Hoooo! I see! Worry not, the Devil is an expert in such matters. Just watch."
She shoved the rest into her mouth, as he watched with tears forming in his eyes.
Well done, Komekko, you're doing great!
"Remember, Komekko, no mercy. Zero."
Komekko nodded sincerely.
"And… Aren't you going to learn this as well? Isn't Iris also a royal?"
Don't compare me to him!
"Ahh, don't worry about me. I've already graduated, thanks to your nee-sama."
"Oh, I see, yes, my sister is a master of living the F2P life."
Oh please no.
"Komekko, what do you mean by that!?"
"F2P, as in being as cheap as possible! We were poor, you know?"
"That's not how… Where did you learn that from!? Don't ever use that word again!"
Though, she's not wrong. If life were a game, they'd definitely be free-to-plays.
And in that case I'd be able to reload save points like on Megumin's consoles. If only.
"Right, so! Fear not, mighty prince! It is only fitting that I, as the first disciple of my sugoi onee-chan, in turn pass our survival knowledge down to you who must be so excited to experience nature! Over here, come on! Let's go seek shelter!"
Ahh, Just look at her eyes sparkle with joy!
"I get your hospitality! But please just let me in the house, I-hey didn't your sister teach you about touching strangers? I'm not taking any responsibility for what happens!"
Ahh, Just look at his eyes sparkle with tears!
And so, she dragged him off. Good luck to him; he'll need it.
Please excuse me while I help myself to what this luxurious house has to offer-
-Eh?
...Dammit Komekko, you didn't leave any snacks for me, huh?
Still, for something designed by Revi himself, this house isn't half bad.
That and Elroad's royal craftsmanship.
Wait, designed by him and built in Elroad…
...I should probably check the bath for surveillance devices.
But before that, let's check on the main course.
"So, gather the sticks together like this and you can grab…"
What a massive faggot!
[ faggot- n. a bundle of sticks used for fuel. (Ex. there were many faggots stacked next to the fireplace)]
Through the window, I saw Revi hauling a huge bundle of sticks.
I always figured he was good at working with wood.
Komekko was showing him how to build a lean-to shelter it seems.
"Although it's a bit small and tight, it'll keep out the rain if it comes."
"Ahh I see… Sometimes you just have to settle for smaller, I guess."
Hey Revi, I don't like the way you're speaking.
I better monitor them for a bit longer, just in case Revi tries to do anything funny…
"Look, these little round things… "
"Ah, this berry…tastes… horrible! Eugh!"
"... are bunny poo. Please avoid eating them! Now, these are a great find as we can follow the tracks back to the rabbit's lair."
They're now gathering food.
"Are we going to kill the poor thing?"
"Of course! You shouldn't be deterred from eating something just because it looks cute and innocent. Food is food, just like nee-sama's cat, for example."
"You're right. I'm down for eating something cute and innocent!"
Hey.
What is this rampant hinting!?
"I'm going to use my magic to scare it out of its nest, and I need you to catch it. Pin it to the ground! No mercy! Three, two, one… "
"Get your furry ass back here… Damn~!"
Once again, Revi misses his mark. Unsurprising.
"Tsk tsk, you are going to have to do better than that if you want to taste tender meat tonight, Revi!"
"S-sniff….yeah…I might just be stuck with the virgin berries though…"
"The blue ones?"
"Well, at least they looked juicy…"
"Because their season is past, they're overripe."
Thankfully Komekko isn't having any of his crap. Good girl.
Guess I'll nap.
...Yawn...
What time is it? It's already rather dark out.
Huh!?
"Rorisa-san, what are you doing on this bed?"
"Just…checking on you. And getting a little snack, if you don't mind."
What the hell, Rorisa.
What could a succubus possibly do to a girl?
For some reason, I really crave a shower.
I should go check on Revi in the meantime, just in case he's up to no good.
Walking away from the still smiling succubus, I headed for the river.
"Oi, Pervert Prince, where you at? It's late, so give up and starve like a good boy and let Komekko in for the night!"
…
Where could they have went!?
The sun had set, we were in that special twilight before the proper nighttime darkness.
It's actually-
-K-kind of picturesque… Despite the danger.
Just then, my ears caught the sound of a romantic tune being hummed.
"Gah!?"
I turned to see Rorisa-san now sitting on the roof edge of the magic house, watching the moon and humming happily.
She seems awfully pleased with herself for some reason.
Noticing my gaze, she grinned with a twinkle in her eyes, and pointed off to the distance, towards the creek.
Is that where they are?
I walked off through the high grass and reeds that surrounded the bank when…
"Hey hey, it tickles when you touch there!"
… !?
That was undoubtedly Komekko's voice.
"Don't worry, little one, it will stop being ticklish in just a moment."
…And that's undoubtedly the damn prince. What in the world is he doing now!?
I quickened my pace.
"Hey, something's poking me. Take off the towel and let me see!"
There they are, right before me, in the water.
I'd rather not describe what they are doing in detail, because I can't.
This is outright unforgivable.
I've always had my doubts, but this just surpasses even my deepest fears.
Screw this prince! Screw you both!
"Stop!"
…What!?
They both disappeared…!
"Pff… hahahahaha!"
Suddenly, a giggle came from behind.
No way, could all this have been…
That succubus.
I knew something was off when I got up.
"Sorry about that… I just wanted to notify you about what was happening out here. Merely trying some new techniques in the meantime."
Thankfully, that was only a—wait, notify me? About what!?
As if expecting my realization, Rorisa pointed to the other end of the creek.
"Ok, now that you have successfully eaten the lobsters, it's time for the next lesson!"
Revi was stuffing his face with…not lobsters, for sure.
They seem to be merely eating. Good.
"I (nom) would never have thought (nom) of catching and cooking in one step, hitting the water with fireballs to cook them in the river for instant (nom) food!"
"Indeed, It's an original tactic the devil thought up! I suppose it's a bit cheating when you don't have magic to use yourself but…well…I'll always be here for you, so don't worry about it!"
True to their words, the water of the river was visibly steaming still-
Wait, wasn't my plan to torture Revi?
Why does he seem to be having more fun than I am?
I should have been more overt to Komekko about my plans… But then, she wouldn't have kept them for even five minutes.
As Revi finished off the pile of … ahem...'lobsters', Komekko started moving towards the river.
"Revi, my number one disciple! Check out what else magic-heated river water can be used for!"
"Trick? Just saying, we probably shouldn't do anything… daring... in case Iris finds out."
Oh yeah, 'cause she'll be mad if that happens!
I started running to them as fast as possible…
Damn, the bushes are so thick! I can't see!
"Come on, it's just a bath! Don't you royals have that every day?"
"Yes, but not in the open where everyone can see…!"
Hey!
You better not be doing anything perverted!
Oh no, I hear grass rustling…!
Revi, if you don't turn your head around now, I swear.
"Usually, we'd bring soap and take these clothes in for a wash… Though since we're only staying for one night, the Devil will leave them on the shore."
Crap, there's no time! She's definitely undressing!
"No problem! The mighty prince shall wash your Majesty's clothes for her. I'll make sure to take extra care when treating the bat prints-"
Finally, I emerged!
Plop
Just in time to catch Komekko diving into the river.
"Hi there, seen any cute and innocent meat you might consider gobbling up on the spot, hmm prince?"
"Omg omg omg omg omg omg, wha— why are you here Iris!? I mean, it's completely fine, nothing weird's happening here, see? And the lobster? Yeah! I-I wouldn't consider it cute or innocent but hey food's food, you know!?"
"Revi, the Kingdom of Belzerg won't hesitate to apply death sentences at my command."
"I-I didn't see anything! I swear! I was faced away this whole time!"
"Komekko just went in, and here you are staring straight forward. Any other last words?"
"Still, it's too dark to see anything clearly! I couldn't even tell you were here until you started screaming!"
Just then, Komekko spoke up;
"I'm not so fragile that Revi-san needs to worry about my innocence or anything! Treating me like I'm a little kid, or someone to be protected. Like a doll, less than a person. I'm the great Devil Komekko-senpai! Don't underestimate me!"
I sensed that Komekko-chan had some insecurities from the way the townsfolk treated her, but I didn't realize it was to this extent.
Could it be she was creating this scenario with Revi just to prove a point?!
"Komekko-chan, I don't think of you that way at all! There seems to be a misunderstanding here! I'm not avoiding Komekko-chan right now because I don't think you can handle yourself around a scary onii-I mean, boy, or anything. If that's what you're implying! Um, it's because I respect the great devil Komekko-chan that I don't think you should be so comfortable bathing together! Something like that! Um…"
Oh I bet the truth is nothing like that.
She chose the wrong person to prove this point with!
"Then Revi must be worried about me seeing him naked huh.. Sorry, The Devil apologizes for being insensitive! I promise to look only at the sky! Still, Revi must still take a bath. Maintaining one's hygiene is vital to survival, after all! So, the Devil Komekko insists that you come bathe!"
"What!? No! That wasn't my point at all! My life will be at risk if I agreed to do it! O-of course that's not saying I'm alright with it by myself either…!"
Actually, maybe she didn't.
Maybe I could take advantage of this.
"Hmm, don't worry Komekko. Since I need a bath too, I'll make sure that kind onii-sama never sees anything he doesn't want to see. That said, since it's obviously too dark to see anything-why don't you go ahead and get yourself ready, prince Revi? I promise we both have our heads turned!"
Well then, let's see how far he's willing to go for his new crush…!
"Okay, fine, I'll admit it; you can still kind of see! So just leave me alone, I will take this bath later."
...Not very far, it seems.
However, just now-
"If you're that embarrassed about being seen naked again, I could cast an illusion so nobody sees you. So don't worry; just hop in and have a good time! Here, 'Magic Cloak'!"
Rorisa swooped in from above and offered him some assistance.
"Really? If you promise it works, I… guess I'll give it a try… Only because it's convenient! And it's by Komekko-chan's request!"
Hahaha, yes! He's undressing like the pervert he really is.
Little does he know, we can both see him perfectly well. In fact, I'm pretty sure the skill Rorisa used doesn't even exist.
Even Komekko is trying hard not to giggle.
… Eh?
This slick guy… He jumped in with his undershorts still on!
"Hey, you won't have dry underwear to sleep in if you do that, you know?"
"Ha! So you can see! I'm not that dumb. No problem, I'll be sleeping alone anyways so- By the way, isn't it time for you, the graceful princess-sama to disrobe and cleanse next!?"
Silly prince, I came prepared.
"Oh sure it is. It's nothing you haven't seen before, so why should I be worried?"
The fairy armor is skimpy and thus easy to dry, so I could undress underwater.
"That attitude…! What is this sexism!? When a boy like me undresses, it's perversion; but why you can just strip at will, like that!?"
Revi complained as I tossed aside my boots and fairy miniskirt.
"Hmm? Nobody stopped you from stripping, though. In fact, we were all looking forward to it. By the way… Cannonball!"
Then I jumped straight into the river-!
-Ahhh… The warm water feels fantastic. Thank you Komekko-chan, for sharing your magic with us.
Since he's already embarrassed himself enough, it's time for me to relax a little.
"Hey! Didn't you hear Komekko-chan? You can't get your clothes wet!"
"Why do you look so disappointed, noble prince? Didn't you say you'd rather bathe alone?"
"W-wow, Iris! Your jumps have become quite strong! Perhaps the physical abilities of the battle priest class is showing its advantages… Also, everyone, you don't mind me joining, do you?"
"!?"
To Revi's surprise, the succubus is also undressing in the river, on the other side.
And he just turned his head! Now's the chance!
I quickly removed the remaining pieces and tossed them over the riverbank-
"Ahh… Of course you're welcome, Rorisa-san! I'm sure Revi agrees too."
"...Y-yeah… I mean, I don't mind, yes, but… but… forget it."
Hehe, he seems to be overheating in more ways than one.
Unlike Komekko, who had already started bathing comfortably.
"You aren't as indecent as I thought. Good job! Let's enjoy the cool evening air along with the warm river water in peace as your reward."
At the end of the day, my Revi torture plan worked pretty well.
Not that it has ended yet…
The warm water is just making me too lazy to think hard about anything.
Thinking back, had we taken the transit instead, we'd probably be getting ready to sleep in the crimson demon village by now.
Perhaps even playing a board game or participating in whatever community events those crazy folks have.
It's enticing, but…
We're on an adventure, not a field trip. At least, not anymore.
Speaking of adventure, I still haven't gotten a proper chance to use my special [Akashic Discharge] skill yet…
I bet it's very annoying for adventurers to deal with, yet I can't bring myself to activate it out of fear of pain.
Guess I've not fully converted into an adventurer yet.
Ahh, the water is too comfortable… I can't help but sink into it and completely immerse myself-
-Hold on. I'm seeing something.
The dim twilight cast a faint web of refracted glow underwater, outlining something…
"Oi Revi. Since when did you move so close to Komekko?"
"I didn't know where I was shifting! The fog is too thick! I just wanted to get into a more comfortable position…"
Playing dumb again? So soon?
"Well then, why don't you explain to Komekko-chan what this thing is doing huh!?"
Saying this, I proceeded to yank his shorts off to expose his true nature.
"What are you doing!? Hey! Pervert! Female pervert!"
Or at least tried to. He was unexpectedly nimble and started dog-paddling away desperately.
"Hoo? What did you find Iris-san? Let the Devil help capturing it!"
"Thanks for the offer, Komekko! Just charge on and grab that guy for me, please! Let's see how the mighty prince fares against the Belzerg Royal Speed Swim and the Crimson Magic Lobster Dive at once!"
"Mmmmph! Gasp Ahhhh! I give up! I'm sorry! Please leave me be! Rorisa, save me!"
Too bad, he's not getting out of this one.
"Ha! Got it!"
I then waved my token of victory high in the air just like a certain adventurer used to.
"No! Rorisa help me!"
"E-ehh!? I know I'm a succubus and all but… Please don't use me as a body pillow…! I-I can feel you against my body, you know!?"
He didn't leave the river for a long time after us.
Part two will be uploaded shorty, This chapter just became so long it became difficult to deal with on our side!