Chapter 4.5 - A Lesson for this Pay2win! - Second Half
After a night of much rustling from outside, I encountered a very worn out looking Revi.
Behind him, a very happy looking Rorisa.
"What's wrong prince, did the snake keep you up?"
He only responded with a poker face.
…
"…Can I have some breakfast please?"
Oh, do keep dreaming, my sweet summer child!
"Of course! Go find your own! Just don't expect us to give you any."
I'm sure I was positively gleaming right now.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying this after all. Revi torture plan was worth it in the end, it seems.
Komekko came out after me, finishing off her morning sausage.
"Oi, loli, don't play with your food like that!"
I-is she licking it like that on purpose?
"Hmmmmph? It's a bit salty, but still delicious."
It's all fine, Iris, you're overthinking again.
It's not like I'm deprived or anything. Nope.
At least the prince is showing his first real signs of life today.
With a 'POOF!' the magic house disappeared back into a box it could in no rational way fit.
Rorisa came up as we packed away the last of our gear-
"I believe we will reach the village today, as well as the road was clear of monsters as far as I could see. Um…Um… I haven't mentioned it before but, I don't think it's safe for me to enter the Crimson Demon Village proper, they are way too good at seeing through enchantments and beguiling you know?"
Hmmmm.
"Ahh, the Devil can vouch for this, last time a demon dared to enter, it didn't end well for her… and it made a hole in our wall…"
Oh?
Does Komekko seem a little traumatized?
"(sniff)…it took three months for Dad to earn enough to patch the hole… it was winter… "
Just what does her father do for a living!?
"Never fear Komekko! I, as Prince of Elroad, will never let such hardship befall you!"
"…The Devil is confused, how should the penniless, beginner archer Ravi-san go about helping her overcome any hardships?"
"…Komekko is really harsh today for some reason."
Aha, I see.
A sugar daddy without any cheddar just ain't so sweet huh?
Well, I think it's time to raise my stocks.
"Here, I'll take mercy on you and feed you some of my sausage, say 'aaaaaah'."
"Somehow this looks really wrong, does Iris really swing that way? And no fair, you said we were both going to tease him all day!?"
Stop confessing to the plan, pipsqueak!
"…Somehow I knew you put Komekko up to this… But I'll thank you for the sausage."
Hey, just as long as you know who's packing the meat in this relationship.
After that, it was the drudgery of walking.
I miss teleports.
And carriages.
I even miss oversized flying bat transports!
You know what I don't miss though?
Not being able to heal my own foot sores.
Part 4
"Hmm? What's that?"
Before us was a hastily-crafted sign with an obscure warning written on it.
"Ohh… It's just the orcs. They live around our village. Shouldn't be too big of a problem, they are only into boys. We—oh… "
Orcs? Boys? I don't remember orcs having any gender bias…!
"Wait, the face you're making is extremely worrying! What's wrong with them liking… boys? As in, me?"
"Well… you see; due to various circumstances… Male orcs are nearly extinct so they chase down human males. In large packs."
Oh, oh, I remember Kazuma-san telling me something about this.
"Didn't Kazuma-san nearly die to these orcs?"
"Hold on, this is all part of your ploy, right? You two are just teasing me, right!?"
"We wish we were. Look, you have two choices to getting you to the village unscarred. One, we hide you. Problem is, hiding one person with three is rather difficult. Two, we convince them you're a girl. Problem is…"
Komekko took a pause for dramatic effect.
"… I heard the orcs love feminine boys even more, so we'll have to do a real good job of dressing you up, or else…"
"Enough! Why do these nightmarishly perverse creatures even exist!? Why is everything going against me today!?"
"Alternatively, option three, we can run through and hope the orcs don't catch a glimpse of you. If they do, however, we can only let nature run its course. Worst case scenario, I'll have to personally heal several muscles on your body. Not too big of a deal, if you ask me."
"Mmhmm, not even the Devil can deal with such enormous hordes of orcs."
"… Do… do your worst. I mean—best."
Revi looked both embarrassed and scared at the same time…
Could he be—
That's a good prince.
"Grr! It's so tight! You know it's not designed to hold the…"
Rorisa lent Revi her casual dress and went back to wearing the succubus lingerie herself.
"Hmm, I don't think it's that big of a problem. There's not much for it to hold, thankfully."
…And to make him also smell like a girl, Komekko and I lent him our dirtiest pieces of undergarment.
Needless to say, we did such a good job that even humans would think Revi is female, forget orcs.
"Hey! Now isn't the time for such lowly insults! Get me through this hellhole already!"
A few minutes later.
Our worst fears came true.
A sneaky orc scout spotted Revi instantly, and…
"Run faster, spoiled prince! Weren't you supposed to be fast?"
"S-screw you all! How am I supposed to run in this… costume!? Ahh, it's gonna slip out!"
"It's either that or a real-life playback of what traumatized Kazuma-san for life. Your pick!"
"Seriously! They've almost caught up! They're grabbing at my dress! Ah, Ahhhh!"
Hmm, that's enough for now.
"Rorisa, bail him out!"
We got what we want. It's time to move on~
"[Hallucinate]!"
Yep, the tier two skill in the [Charm] series that Rorisa tested on me last night.
It took a miracle catch of an ultra-rare onion mandarin.
Normally, I would have fought to preserve such an endangered species—
—But I'm an adventurer who minds her own business now.
Back in the present, the orcs chasing Revi suddenly halted.
…And began to ogle at each other.
"Seriously!? Why did I have to dress like this anyway? Was it for no reason!?"
"Well, to be fair, there was a reason, and you've suspected it already."
Around us, the orcs were both confused and excited.
As if they're about to wrestle each other in the lewd way.
"AHHHHHH JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
As the sun set, we came upon the outer edges of the village.
It looks… more normal than I thought.
I'm actually a bit let down.
Noticing my expression though—
"Ahh, since we came in the seldom used back entrance, all the normal tourist traps- I mean attractions are on the other side. Also, um…Rorisa-nee? I think this is as close as you should come, no telling how far out the anti-demon defenses go nowadays…"
"Ahh, Right..well…I shall await you all here then! Please don't take too long, I don't want to get discovered by the legendary NEET brigade around here."
I-is Rorisa shivering?
"Take care, the Devil will miss you! Ok…time to show off my old domain, hehehe" she said, waving to Rorisa as she retreated to the safety of the treeline.
With that, Komekko guided us to the famous town center with the supremely well sculpted griffin statue.
…
WHAT?!
"Peanuts, get your roasted peanuts here!"
"Lucky charms, get your arch-mage acquiring charms here, special discount on female pulling ones!"
"…And here we have the famous Crimson Demon Village, any parties looking for new members take notice of the tavern here. Any men seeking wives also take notice of the tavern here, and buy the ladies lots of expensive drinks!"
Since when did this place have this kind of bazar?
Since when was it a tourist trap?!
Komekko, spotting someone familiar, ran over to the tour guide and pulled on the hem of her dress.
"Ahh, Komekko-chan! Fancy seeing you here, visiting home?"
"Not if I can help it Nerimaki-nee. Nerimaki-nee, you are laying it on a bit thick with advertising your family's tavern here. It is the only one in the village. I also see Nerimaki-nee's Husband Delivery Service has blossomed. Has Nerimaki-nee's service delivered her a husband yet as well? I hear Nerimaki-nee is fast becoming the oldest unwed girl in the-"
What a powerful psychological attack, I must learn this magic for future use.
"What is kome-chan saying hahaha? Oh…could this be…Wait…D…Did even little Kome-chan get a man before me!?"
I've seen that look before.
It's the look of a girl staring spinsterhood in the face.
Thanks for teaching me many things, Lalatina.
I swear I won't make the same mistake!
"Excuse us, we are Komekko's party! I'm Alice and this is Ravi! Please don't mind our appearance, we just hiked in from Axel using the old road."
"Ahhh, I see, Well…welcome! Feel free to visit my family's bar and tavern over there, we recently expanded into a grill as well, providing the villages first business rivalry with the cafe. As you may have guessed, the village has become a hotspot now for adventurer parties looking for genuine crimson demons to add to their ranks! Also, for men hoping to catch a red eyed bride, hehe..."
Revi raised his eyebrows at that last remark.
"T-They successfully commercialized their unequal gender birth rate and turned it into an economic powerhouse? That's amazing, brilliant! Who thought of such a thing?!"
"Ahaha, well..the husband of a certain famous girl from here…"
…I should have known.
While Revi looked confused about who could only possibly be my former onii-sama, a couple of….VERY pretty red-eyed girls came over to Revi and…
"Ohh, aren't you a handsome looking little thing, I can't wait to start pumping mana into your tiny—"
"Shut it, dropout; our babies would cast stronger spells than you."
"HIIISSSSSS!"
Komekko jumped in between them and Revi, looking like a tomcat ready to throw down.
"I thought we escaped from the orcs already! Protect me Kome-chan!"
Cowed into silence by Komekko's alpha predator transformation, the girls backed away with fearful faces… then turned and ran off.
Wow, she actually did it, that absolute mad devil.
And Nerimaki—
—Right, the reason we're here.
"…I'm sorry, Nerimaki-san was it? I don't suppose you know 'the villages number-one doll maker' do you?"
"Eh, shouldn't you already know who that is?"
She looked to Komekko, who shrugged, then struck a flamboyant pose.
"Muhahaha, knowst ye not the legend of the Crimson Demon's greatest practitioner of miniature voodoo arts? It's none other then this little ones mother… Yuiyui-senpai!"
Komekko's mom? Well, that simplifies things—
"M-m-m-m my mother!?"
Eh!?
With that Komekko turned towards Revi and knocked the wind out of him with her purse, wearing the sweetest smile I had seen yet on her.
…Which also happens to be the fakest. This could not end well.
"Ravi-san! Uhhh…. You are very tired and hungry after all the harsh training, the Devil would like to reward you! Please go and first enjoy our villages luxurious 'mixed bath', then have a nice hot meal at the cafe! I insist, really… Don't, you, hold, back!"
"Ahh, Komekko really does have a kind heart after all, so touching. All right, I shall do so! Thank you! Also, I will surely pay you back so don't worry ok?"
"You're very, very much welcome! Don't wait, let's get moving right away! Right, a, way!"
"O-okay, I'm going then, thanks again Kome-chan, you are the best!"
"That's right, keep moving! I said, keep, moving! And no need to come looking for us, we will find you! …tee-hee… ugh…"
With Revi's back receding into the distance, Komekko leaned over, shaking from head to foot.
What an interesting betrayal this has been.
"Your attitude changed pretty drastically back there."
"Iris-san…"
And then she grabbed my shoulders in a death grip, and stared straight into my soul.
"Listen to me very carefully; under no circumstances, what-so-ever, is my mother to learn of Revi's existence."
Is there a problem with him?
"Tell her not to worry; he's not here to buy out her village."
"No, it's just…"
For the first time ever, I saw Komekko blush.
Has she finally come of age and realized what she's been doing!?
"If my mother hears 'male party member', and 'prince' and 'rich' at the same time… L-look, I'm not trying to undermine Revi-san here; in fact, I quite like him… But I'm not ready to become an adult yet! The last time she had a boy in her house, he escaped despite her efforts. This time…"
Given the extreme panic I'm seeing, she must be genuinely scared.
"So, what happened to the boy…!?"
"Listen, did onii-sama ever tell you about when he met my mother?"
Dammit, don't use that word, ever again!
"Are you saying Kazuma—"
"She locked nee-chan and nii-chan in her old room with one set of bedding for three days! Ahh, only after she heard he was loaded of course."
Yuiyui is a woman who would sell the gifts of nature for money…!
Despite how ridiculous all of this sounds, if those stories were true…
"Ah… Alright, for the sake of your chastity, I'll keep quiet. Wait, why don't we keep that cross-dress on him? I think it would work pretty well on humans."
"She knows a boy when she sees one. She could tell a male egg from a female one!"
You could have just told me she wasn't human to begin with!
Five minutes later, we were standing in front of said mother's residence.
It looks fairly normal.
"Ah, don't be fooled, this isn't the actual house I was raised in. That got destroyed in a demon king army attack. My parents went into debt to build this house. Food was always short before, but afterwards… Well, nii-sama moved me into the mansion afterwards out of concern for me…"
Far be it from him not to dote on a little girl.
Well, time to do what I was best at—!
I knocked the door and waited patiently.
After some rustling;
"Hello? This is Yuiyui's personal maid. She's currently busy working elsewhere and not in any mood to talk about debts. Please kindly leave."
Maid? Are there even any maids in this entire village?
"Mother, cut that out! It's me, It's me! Your second daughter!"
"My—I mean, Yuiyui-sama's daughter—she's like a daughter to me—does not currently live here. If you're interested in helping to feed her, however, feel free to leave some donations at the door."
"Mother, I am losing patience… I am not hungry, so open the door!"
"…My son-in—master Yuiyui warned me about the 'It's me, it's me' scam… It's not working, give up."
"Mom! You have exactly three seconds before I add a new door to your list of things to pay for."
And thus, we were invited in for tea.
"Pardon the cheap tea we serve here, I am Yuiyui, mother of this impulsive girl."
"Um, hello, I am Alice, a member of Komekko's party. Pleased to meet you."
And with that, the conversation stopped dead.
Shouldn't this be a teary reunion?
"Ah, Alice-san… This may be an odd thing to ask, but could you stand up for a second? I want to see more of your… gear!"
"…"
What an odd thing to ask. This conversation has derailed already.
Perhaps it's only the local hospitality—
"Hmmm, very nice skirt you have there. The fabric is hard yet not so—"
"Uueee!?"
Suddenly, she grabbed me.
In that area, no less…!
"Dammit, not a boy."
My eyebrow twitching I explained " Um...Noooo. I am all girl."
"Indeed, fortun—unfortunately, all the members of my party are female, so no potential mates, sadly. Besides, I am still too young for marriage, so… please give up…"
Yuiyui regarded us both with a look of concern.
"…All girls huh? Well… While I don't really have issue with that kind of relationship, you girls really ought to consider—"
Really, mommy-sama… It's not like that!
After some more…pleasantries, we finally got to talking about other matters.
"Judging by your…development…I assume your sister and her husband have been taking good care of you hmm? How are things in Axel, might I ask?"
I was mildly curious about this myself.
"Ah, it's hard to sleep at their mansion at night, with all the noise. The smell that results is kind of pervasive to boot. Those two never seem to tire of it either."
Komekko, she asked you about yourself, not them!
"Indeed, the couch and table even have had to be cleaned by Aqua-nee to get the stains out…"
S-stains!?
They really haven't a care for modesty do they!?
"I see, well..it's to be expected. It takes time to learn the ropes and get them trained after all."
They're… doing all this… after…
In another timeline, he would be doing this to…
Shut up! Brain! Stop being distracted and get to the point!
"Yes, well…I think the worst of it is past now though, I think it's safe to come and see the twins at any time I think."
Twins? What tw-
"Ahh, I finally get to see the faces of my long awaited grandchildren!"
"It really is quite sad, nee-san was hoping her chest would grow when she became a mother…"
"GAAAAAAAH! …Pardon me, it's the allergy. My… nose doesn't like this particular breed of tea at all."
"Ah… I knew adding strips of old newspaper to boost flavour had its side effects…"
How dare you hide this critical information from me.
I mean, the 'noises' part, not the newspaper.
Don't forget who invited you to their party in the first place…!
"I see you're a kind mother who wants only the best for her children. In that case, I have good news for you! Although there are no boys in our humble party, Komekko has been getting along well with a rather wealthy man who seems to fancy her at the guild. He's a bit lacking in morals, but I'm sure that's no big deal."
Komekko spat her tea out.
"Really!? Oh that's great news! I agree, morals often times only serve to hinder one's true greatness, such as… Hold on… Wealthy and lacking in morals, you said?"
I have to admit, that look of desperation as you make 'No Go!' motions with your arms is pretty cute, Kome-chan!
"Komekko! No matter his lolicon tendencies, your sister's husband is off limits. I forbid you from seducing Kazuma-san!"
"I don't deny what you said about nii-sama's tendencies, but I assure you that no such thing will happen, mother! I am merely his innocent, non-blood related little sister after all..."
Doesn't that just make it more likely to happen?
In fact, did this girl take my former role?
…
I feel some sense of defeat here.
"Well, if that is the case, my daughter, then do bring said man by and introduce him at your earliest convenience."
"That won't happen. If I were ever to acquire such a person, you will be the last one to know!"
Ohh, that delicious mother-daughter argument.
I wonder if somewhere in the world is a devil who feasts on such feelings.
I would let it go on, but it's time to get back on topic.
"So um, Yuiyui-san was it? I have it on good authority that you are a gifted doll maker?"
For the first time tonight, she regarded me with something resembling a professional air, rather than as a matron.
"...We prefer the term 'Tiny Voodoo Arts' in our language, but yes. I was forced to learn after Komekko threatened to unleash more evil gods if I didn't give her some toys to play with."
What does she mean, more?!
"I have a plenty of money, so...if you could be so kind. We would like to commission a doll!"
Things went fairly smoothly after that.
Watching Yuiyui-san work was...frankly soothing.
As a princess, I was never actually allowed to play with simple dolls.
"And with that, done! One signature crimson demon schoolgirl doll...I christin it…Bibimin!"
Again with that naming…
But...it is...really, really cute!
Reminds me of Big Boss, in her early days.
"Ah, Komekko, we got sidetracked a bit before...but as we discussed, about Kazuma-san's tendencies, or any other gentlemen. Your mother would like to verify that you are still...usable. Alice-san, if you don't mind waiting here just a moment…"
Using a mother's authority, the red as a tomato faced Komekko was taken into the next room and…
"Mother, thanks but I can undress myself!"
"...I am only keeping your best interest in mind here, dear… Now, drop'em before I get the hairbrush."
"Uwaa, Mom!"
Well, really, I can't blame her.
Claire did the same thing to me after each time Kazuma visited.
Though I think that was more of an excuse, let's not speak of that.
Part 5
A while later.
We were heading back towards the village cafe.
"Ahh, I got to see Komekko blush twice in one day, didn't see that coming."
It's a shame Revi missed it.
… Or is it a good thing that he missed it?
"Uwaa…I feel so violated...and even with my higher resistance, that dang hairbrush still stung!"
Next time just do as your poor mom says, hehe.
"So...is that the real story? Is your mom really responsible for those two getting together?"
Komekko seemed to dwell on that question a bit;
"...I'm pretty sure it would have happened anyway."
… …
Yeah, thought so.
Even with all the unnecessary commotion, we still got our doll as promised.
Startlingly, a surge of pleasure ran through me the moment I received the doll.
Not that kind of pleasure; it was a strong sense of accomplishment.
"Koooomekko! Aliiiiiiice! Over here!"
No, Revi, we literally can't see you when you're standing 5 meters away.
…The size of this cafe really isn't anything to write home about.
We informed him of our successful mission, and no further details, at Komekko's express institance.
"Uwaa, my purse feels quite a bit lighter? Ravi-san is an expensive date."
The blushing prince returned it to her.
"So, we got the doll situation handled. Here."
"...Oh, this thing is strangely cute! I...I'm kind of tempted to acquire one for myself…"
If only I had one of those magic audio recorders.
Breaking news: Elroad's prince wants to play with dolls.
Heck, he might even want some miniature bat panties to go with it, knowing him.
Anyways, time to get back to our real reason for coming here…
"Okay, the Devil has just set the first teleportation node of her life, and Rorisa will be the first customer to experience the great power of this skill!"
"Um, are we sure it's safe for me to be here? I mean, don't they say there's a wand behind every blade of grass?"
Roria stepped nervously side to side, as if she expected the crimson NEETs to pop out and spell chop her to bits.
"Not to worry, no one really cares about this area on the edge of the village; by that I mean previously the Demon Army was able to infiltrate nearly into the center of the village coming from this side." Said Komekko as she pulled a few vines off the apparent entrance of the facility.
Wouldn't that normally lead to increasing said security?
"...This entranceway seems really stout, whatever this guarded must have been very valuable!"
I can see the Eris symbols in your eyes, prince.
"No Crimson Demon was ever able to figure out the seal on this place, but Kazuma nii-chan confessed to the Devil about it so….There!"
With a thunk, the heavy, reinforced door slid open.
I-it's real dark in there.
Rorisa stepped forward though and-
"Hmm...I can't sense any monsters or demonic presences here…Here, I'll light up-"
Suddenly, Komekko stepped forward;
"Wait! Since this is the Devil's home village, let her do this honor for just this time, please! ...Plus, other mages and wizards might detect your ghost fire as an intruder."
"Hmm? Alright, I guess; as long as you don't blow-"
"Aye! Shine, my [Dark Orb of Light]!"
Ahhhhh…!
This 'dark orb' is brighter than Komekko's youthful spirit!
Holding a short wand that she kept on her person, she stepped through the entranceway, guiding us poor mortals sans night vision skills inside.
"So dependable! ...Unlike someone I know…"
"Funny..I was thinking the same thing!"
"Wait why is it a dark orb if it's purpose is to emit light?" Rorisa said.
"Because reasons, obviously!", replied our devil while flaring her cape.
"Asking that question in this village of all places…"
Revi then performed a perfect theatrical facepalm.
"Yes... I should have known better."
P-please don't look so dejected.
...Hey.
Doesn't this place look really well...advanced, right?
"Is it just me or...does this place remind you of the R&D labs you showed me back in elroad..."
"Eh? Well,indeed...but...frankly..I get the impression our labs are well...crude..compared to what this once was."
"Don't compare your facilities to ours! The Crimson Demon clan is superior to all!"
The rats don't own the maze, Komekko-chan.
Come to think of it...Why do old ruins and ancient technology seem to be so much more advanced than we use today anyway?
Isn't progress only supposed to move forward?
"This world is really mysterious isn't it...ahh, don't touch that, it looks like something Kazuma showed me once...a 'toilet deodorant', I think it was."
Come to think of it, I think I saw Vanir-san trying to hawk them too…
Komekko turned back towards us and said "Oh, I remember those, nii-chan came home with a whole box of them and Aqua-nee threw then out, screeching they were unneeded so long as she was there, so don't take away her reason for existing...or something like that."
The 'Lost Kingdom of Norse" …
Just what the hell happened that so little survived?
I mean sure the destroyer was bad and all but..
Nothing left?
"Careful komekko...! It's really dark in here even with light... Maybe we should hold hands... No not you, thirsty prince."
"I-I didn't want to anyway!"
…
Then why are you glaring at me while clutching the corner of Komekko's cape?
"...Is Iris-san scared of the dark? Your hand is trembling, and you're squeezing hard enough for it to turn white-"
Komekko suddenly outed me.
"No need to mention that! You're doing this on purpose aren't you?!"
"Hmm? Well yes… You did ask me to cast the spell...right?"
How she manages to keep that innocent face, I'll never know.
"E-enough of that already, let's keep walking!"
It's not like I'm actually afraid of the dark or anything.
"Um... Even if I'm a succubus, Revi-san, you are still only a friend; so please move your hand away from there…"
After that, he kept his hands to himself.
Good.
"Hmm, what's this thing?"
Wait!
"Ohhh onii-sama told me about this. Isn't this a gacha-something?!"
"What's this? How is this supposed to work?" said Revi as he poked at the device.
Like...this?
I put a 100 eris coin in the slot like Kazuma said and…
…
Nothing happened.
"I think it's broken! I'm tempted to just crack it open. This material doesn't seem very resistant to royal boots..."
"Ahh! You can't just jam an Eris in! It clearly uses a different currency! Don't smash it you berserker princess! It has great research value!"
"Please stop flirting and focus on the mission..." admonished the abnormally temperamental succubus.
"...Revi's eyes seem to physically light up when he senses potential profit… T-the Devil finds it kinda cool."
"Hehe... I'm pretty cool huh, Komekko?"
"Oi. Now those two are flirting, Rorisa-san. Please rebuke them too, Rorisa-san…!"
"Oh, I think I see a door up ahead!"
"Don't just ignore me... Oh, there is a door?"
Sure enough. Before us stood a very impressive, heavily made, reinforced WTF-ly door.
"Even to the Devil who is highly educated in the field of explosions, this door looks explosion proof…" Komekko said, tapping on it with her fingers.
Please don't try to take it down to prove anything.
"So, how are we supposed to get in then? Useless prince, you're only reliable in weird moments like this, right? Come on, work your magic!"
"W-well... there is some writing of sorts...Can't read it though."
We have eyes, too, you know?
"Actually, I think I may have a enchantment to help with that; it's particular to demons so you might not know of it…" Rorisa unexpectedly cut in.
Why does she look nervous then?
Blushing brightly, she raised her staff at Revi and cast-
"[Desire Sense]!"
… x 3
"That's a yummy name! The Devil Approves."
"Wow… I can understand it now… !"
Oh.
I hope that didn't do what I think it did.
She's able to understand a foreign text without any sort of translation…
"Uhh that skill… it sounded frankly dangerous. Why would a succubus have access to something like that?"
"W-well, some customers are… shy when it comes to certain… needs. This skill can detect objects with strong emotions attached to it, also. Don't worry, keep quiet and it won't-"
"Ah…! Choo! Ugh, the dust in this place is really… "
Revi sneezed at a very critical moment.
…
"Oh my, Revi-san… You've had quite a rough childhood. And, if you keep thinking of that, you'll end up having a very annoying mother-in-law."
"!?"
…I knew it! This guy… This whole experience has only worsened the situation.
"...I see. A kind-hearted maiden, a devil's advocate, a grand disappointment, and a trustworthy successor'? ...Do we have any of those?" Rorisa continued after carefully inspecting the scripture.
Isn't that like-
-Kinda maybe
Us?
If I were to make a quick guess, Revi would definitely be the grand disappointment, Haha.
Seriously though, I'm uncertain.
We have a devil for sure, but am I supposed to be the successor or the maiden?
"Ahh, well… I think we are not the ones; there are frankly no grand disappointments in this party even by Elroad standards."
I wish that were true, prince of disappointment!
Maybe this needs the wisdom of a local.
"Hhm... Komekko-chan, you've lived in this crazy village for a while, do you know anything about this thing?"
However, she just looked bashful and said;
"Uwaaa, I'm sorry, the Devil has no idea about this particular seal. I assume that means there are no dark beings behind it, such a disappointment."
Don't be disappointed about that!
Just then, the useless Revi who had been looking over the door with his hand to his chin, as if he was doing something useful said;
"...Well, um...how does this sound? This was made by Crimson Demons I suppose?"
Well, that's a fair assumption.
Komekko just tilted her head.
"...Then isn't fair to say that whatever the answer is , it must be the stup- *cough...coolest thing they could think of?" Revi said before striking a distorted version of a pose Komekko had used.
"Maybe I could understand the Crimson Demons' cool logic better if I… acted like one." he said, barely keeping his balance.
Oh please Revi, don't make me laugh again!
"Good idea as always, Revi-san! Let the Devil join you!"
She didn't pick up his sarcasm at all!
And with that she joined him with the ridiculous posing.
Really, just what are these two-
Ehh!?
Two lights appeared on the door.
"Ahh, th-the portions of text that read 'Grand Disappointment' and 'Trustworthy Successor' just lit up!"
I called it! I knew Revi was the Grand Disappointment.
And after all, Komekko did slay a major demon army general…
So that leaves Rorisa as the Devil's Advocate and I the Kind-hearted Maiden.
"Hmm...Could it be, these little things in the door are...eyes?" Rorisa continued to make shocking interpretations.
If so, that'd be creepy AF!
"If they really are possessed eyeballs, they'd sell great at the auction house... H-hey Iris, please stop embracing me, you're getting a bit too close for comfort…!"
Now isn't the time to be homophobic, you succubus! Didn't you say you occasionally served female customers as well!?
"I know you're joking… But seriously, stop; I have a weak stomach, you know!"
They look so-
-Slimy and gross and fishy and smelly and… Urghhh!
"Who's joking? These might be worth a fortune! Imagine! Doors that open for their masters!"
"Is money all you can think of?! Use your brain! Who the hell wants a door that can watch you sleep at night!?"
…!
"So...what now? We've found two of the requirements, apparently. The eyeballs are interesting, but they don't look tasty so let's get on with it, the Devil is bored. Maybe the Devil should blow this place up and head back for lunch."
How could you use 'eyeballs' and 'tasty' in the same sentence with a straight face!?
"...Hey, I was only making fun of your stupid poses… I mean, that was only a part of my act. I acted like I was mocking the Crimson Ditzes when in fact I had discovered the way to unlock the door. After all, the Trustworthy Successor of Elroad is no exaggeration!"
"No, you dimwit; you're obviously the Grand Disappointment; I think we can all agree on that! Komekko is an incredible Demon General-slaying heroine to the Crimson Demon bloodline, no way that she has disappointed anyone."
"...Well…to be fair, mom was pretty disappointed at me lying to her about Revi a few moments ago…"
Unless those creepy eyes belonged to Yuiyui herself, that's unlikely.
But something tells me that someone like Yuiyui being involved in the creation of this door isn't all that unlikely.
"Although it is indeed a bit creepy, at least it seems we are making progress... Those eyes must be looking for something... Maybe there are more clues?" Our resident Eldritch entity said, dismissing the faux ones on the door.
"These decorations… they look humanoid. Four depictions of… dancers? Psychos?" Said our worthless detective as he poked the eyes, stating the obvious.
"Those are such cool poses, the Devil wants them all!"
Looking closely, two of the glyphs do resemble the utterly spastic poses Revi and Komekko made. Unintentionally.
This whole "Crimson Demon culture" is starting to drive me insane.
How in Eris's name did this race come to be?
Just then, Rorisa moved to-
"Hmm... This pose right here... Like this?"
She proceeded to kneel down, look up and open her mouth wide with her palms extended.
...I genuinely hope this was meant to be a rain divining prayer pose of some sort.
Nevertheless-
"H-hey, the text for Kind-hearted Maiden just lit up."
… …
Ehhh!?
Rorisa… Maiden!?
Does that mean she has never physically…
I will never understand how succubi operate!
Rather… That means I am the Devil's Advocate!?
And all of you, stop staring at me like that so expectantly!
"Oi… Come on now, Devil's Advocate. Put half the effort you do in our arguments into this amazing pose right here and we'll make it through the door."
So much for my Revi torture plan.
Fine, I'll make this as graceful as possible. I did learn numerous forms of ballroom dancing after all.
"Easy enough. Then...witness me!"
Aaaaaaaand-
Nothing happened.
"...These eyes must be blind. I copied the essence of this pose perfectly and made it even better-looking!"
"Oi...Iris...did you… by any chance… have had some difficulty during your dance lessons?"
...Out of all the lessons I had to learn as a princess, I excelled in most of them except those accursed dancing lessons.
"It's fine. I won't embarrass you further. Allow me to fix your pose and put this 'incident' behind us."
He must be climaxing seeing me fail right now…!
"Hey, I didn't let you touch me! Back off!"
I thought you "moved on from me", prince criminal scum!
"No no no! That's not the main issue! Her legs need to be spread out further! Here, let the Devil help!"
I am a human being, not a doll!
"Um, no… I think the perspective makes it seem like her hand might go beside the legs when it should go between..."
Et tu, Rorisa?!
"Hey...! Stop that tickles...! Hnn...! Hey, one of you is touching someplace that isn't even related to the pose!"
"Sorry, it reminded the Devil of a snack she loved…"
I'm not food either!
"Ahhh! All of you, get-"
Click.
Thank Eris, the last light came on and the door slowly slid open.
Or should I be thanking Regina instead? She's the one in charge at the moment.
"Come on, Miss Devil, stop masturbating in public and get moving."
For the first time, I'm at a loss for comebacks.
Instead of throwing a fit and discarding what's left of my dignity, I stood up in the most professional way I could muster.
"Hmmph. That was chaotic. I'd've preferred if you three didn't move my body for me. Let's all forget this ever happened."
"S-sorry, and indeed! That was an interesting mechanism. I would have expected a more secure and practical lock, but a little crazy can be fun." Rorisa reflected.
Fun!?
"I thought this spoiled princess wanted to try out the rough life of adventure but all she does is complain. There aren't any bodyguards out here; it's your own responsibility to keep your body safe. Suck it up!"
"You know what else we don't have out here? Limitless cash! I'm never lending you anything ever!"
"Not even a hand? Teehee."
...Rorisa? Did you just…!?
"I...isn't that a teleport circle? The magic looks familiar."
T-this must be it...the hidden entrance to underground Norse.
"How exciting! We're about to go somewhere nobody has gone to in thousands of years, right?"
Why are you so hyped, maiden succubus-chan?
"Hold up! We can't go in just like that! And it's just occuring to me now, but doesn't Rorisa-san seem more excited than her usual self?"
Even Revi noticed?
"Ahh.. Didn't she say she was there before the… Reckoning happened? The Devil is jealous!"
Oh, is this like returning to her childhood school for her?
In response, our usually collected Rorisa-san fidgeted around and-
"Well, you see...I left this wonderful bag of devil snacks in my old locker!"
….
….
"Hey! They NEVER made any more! They may be the last ones EVER!"
"Even the Devil would hesitate to eat food after so long... Ah, I'll still eat it, but I will hesitate"
"...Exactly how long I wonder? OK! Let's get this show on the road, everyone...take positions!"
The familiar teleport effect cleared and our eyes adjusted.
We're presented with-
"Uh, anyone got a light?"
-Pitch blackness.
Of course! The place is underground and hasn't been visited for centuries.
"[Ghost Flame]! We really take lighting for granted, but here we are…"
Dang! Now our eyes will have to adjust again!
"Woah…!" x4
I have to say, I have never seen this style of architecture before.
Part 6
By some eldritch dark magic, the facility lit itself up the moment Rorisa casted her spell.
And unlike the lamps we're used to, the lights were tiny fixtures built into the ceiling and arranged in a perfect grid.
The ceiling, by the way, is huge.
No, the whole chamber is huge. And white. All the walls and the floor are paved with large white tiles.
But that's not even the most surprising part.
"Wow, what a large chamber! ...Why is it empty?"
It seems that whatever happened aboveground didn't affect this secret lab a whole lot.
But judging by the faint marks on the floor, most of the machines or furniture or whatever alien cauldrons they had were removed at some point.
Gee, I wonder where they took them.
"Great question, Komekko! Why not ask your ancestors? They just might know a thing or two about that."
"Whatever we're supposed to find should probably be still in this facility… We just got to search for it." Said Revi thoughtfully.
"Wow, I'm glad to hear that you still remember our mission. Look, if strategizing about things other than profit isn't your forte, please just keep your mouth shut."
This penniless prince thinks seeing me in an embarrassing pose makes himself superior somehow.
"Come on everyone! Let's go explore this facility already!"
But Rorisa is already gone.
"Hey… how do you know this isn't just a very different looking dungeon? What if we find another pit of spiders or something worse?"
"Well, at least I have Teleport at ready in case anything goes wrong."
"Right…and I have spellbinding now, so you could heal from a distance, Iris!"
"...So you're telling Komekko to follow Rorisa alone while you sit back here with the healer, huh?"
Not that Komekko minds; she's already off.
"Hey, you know… Your insults don't hurt me. I've already seen you naked. Twice! I honestly can't ever see you as a pure princess again."
Huh!?
What is this, he's actually fighting back effectively now!?
I-
"Stop! Thieves!"
-A shout echoed from the far end of the room.
Thieves!? Where? Who? Is she talking about the Masked Thief?
"Sorry, prince, I've got more important matters to tend to."
Dropping that perfect comeback, I ran towards the hallway where Rorisa and Komekko disappeared into earlier.
"Stop right here nya! This area is off limits nya!"
…!?
The one shouting seems to be some kind of a human hybrid monster.
Gee, got my hopes up.
Only a few minutes later and they have already run into the first monster in this laboratory!
"[Damage Boost]!"
"Ah, Komekko, wait-"
"Thanks Iris! Die, you cat-eared hell-spawn! [Fireball]!"
"You dare stop Komekko-chan!? [Enchanted Arrow: Holy Water]!"
We instantly attacked without question.
"Nyaa-!?"
…!
After the smoke cleared-
"Nyaa… Rather than thieves, you are more like terrorists nya!"
-It's unscathed…!
Well, save for the arrow stuck in its arm, which it casually removed.
"Why don't you explain yourself before calling us, the four Chosen Pilgrims 'terrorists'!? We won't hesitate to unleash a second wave of far more serious attacks that will surely destroy this entire place!" Announced Komekko, switching into a saintly, righteous pose.
Very surprising for someone who insists that she's a devil.
Revi, seeing her confrontation, quickly wiped the shocked look off his face and drew an Eris symbol across his chest before pretending to pray.
True, there is no reason to use our real identities here.
We don't know how powerful this monster really is; the best tactic is probably to intimidate it into submission and avoid fighting.
...Right?
"Please excuse her outburst. She is Komekko the Banisher, the Holy Caster of our pilgrim party. I am Iris V the Warden, the leader of our crus-"
"Ah, she still jokes in this occasion. That's the Warden for you. I am Revius X the Archangel, also the real leader of our-"
"Lying is a sin, you know? How should we retrieve the Holy Relic if we are impure ourselves? You need to repent and-"
"Everyone, please. I don't think she means harm! Excuse them, we're not here to steal anything…"
Suddenly, this succubus broke all of our pretense.
"Not stealing nya? I'm not quite convinced after what happened to the foyer nya… What is with this pilgrim business nya?"
"Look we're not… pilgrims or anything, but we are looking for a relic. By the way, I'm Rorisa, a training succubus… Please take care."
Ugh… I can't believe a succubus just made me look bad.
At least the monster isn't attacking us yet; so I guess we could calm down a little.
"Is that so… Well nya, I am the robot in charge of maintaining this laboratory nya! If there is anything you're looking for, I'm sure I know about it nya! As long as you won't steal any of the equipment nya, like those weird red-eyed wizards from a long time ago nya."
Komekko looked away nonchalantly, as if that will hide her eyes.
But… a-a robot?
"Robot? What is that? Some kind of human-cat hybrid?"
"No nya! Robots are… golems, but made of metal nya. And the cat… Well, that's a longer story nya."
No wonder the attacks did no harm to her.
"Hooooh! I remember Megumin-neesan talking about figures of cat-eared small girls wearing tight, dark blue, sleeveless bodysuits… Are they related to you somehow?"
Speaking of which… This cat-ish 'robot' does look artificially designed.
More specifically, she looks to be about the same size as us, in more ways than one.
In addition, she's also wearing a maid costume...
Except modified to cover about as much skin as a thief's attire. Perhaps even less.
From this, I conclude that whoever designed her-
"Alright everynya, since this place is very large, I will answer your questions as we tour nya!"
-Must be a lolicon.
A lot of walking later.
"Ahh… so you were only activated after the nation of Norse fell to take care of this underground complex?"
"Unfortunately so nya. I never got to see my original designer nya…"
Good!
The never seeing her designer part. Her not knowing any history is a tragedy for me.
"And you speak like a cat because you're forced to?"
"It's like hiccups nya. I can't control it nya."
We really are getting quite deep into the facility.
The hallways have broadened into tunnels, and we're now walking on catwalks (lol) towards a large chamber.
"...You are leading us to the relic, right? I know I didn't provide much detail, but…"
"It is the most well-kept item in the lab nya! I'm glad Regina-sama sent you to retrieve it nya, one less thing to look after for me nya."
Hey, since she knows Regina, at least we can be sure that we've come to the right place.
"Punipuni-chan, All of these cool magical mechanisms… Do they still work? The Devil is interested nya…" Komekko admired the giant machinery below us in awe.
Not you too, Komekko!
"Stop calling me that nya! And no nya…! I'm not letting anyone with red eyes touch them ever again nya! Not even if you're young and say 'nya' like I do! Besides nya, there's far too little power left to run any of them and I do not know how to operate them anyway nya…"
At last, we entered the chamber.
It's vast and round, with a large metal sphere in the middle.
The sphere is heavily reinforced with hundreds of pipes connected to it.
The relic must be inside it. I know from Kazuma-san's adventure stories that important items are always kept in the centers of rooms!
"Here we are nya! The treasure room. Please wait a moment while I guide Revi-sama to the bathroom nya~"
"See you later Punipuni-chan!"
I swear, Crimson Demons and their naming...
And bathroom…?
Right, Revi did part ways with us halfway to take care of his business.
Speaking of which…
Such an advanced facility must have an amazing bathroom, right?
I can't begin to imagine the features it might have…
"Psst, Rorisa, keep an eye on Komekko for a moment please, I also need to go…"
…
Gee, this robot can really walk fast.
I nearly got lost several times within the maze-like hallways.
Why is she taking Revi this far anyway?
Is there only one bathroom in this whole facility?
"There nya, Revi-chan! Right in this door-"
The robot then led Revi inside a room and closed the door behind her.
...Wait.
Shouldn't Revi be alone when using the bathroom!?
I know she's not a human and all… but I still wouldn't feel comfortable letting another animate being watch me use the toilet.
Maybe she might be planning something…
...L-like recording him…!?
Hmm… I better keep an ear on them.
"Hey, this doesn't look like a bathroom! Why is everything pink and what are those hanging on the walls!?"
"Just lie down nya, you'll find out soon enough nya!"
Lie down!?
I better stop this before-
-Crap, the door is locked. Of course!
"Woaah, why are you on top of me? What are you holding!? I don't like where this is going- I mean, I don't exactly hate it but I would prefer if you let me go…!"
"Just let it happen nya, be a good boy and nobody gets hurt too badly nya~"
Oh my, this is getting serious.
I better call for help… Revi could be getting tortured!
I knew I shouldn't have trusted that stranger.
The moment I turned around-
"Wah! Another one!"
"Shhh, calm down, it's just me."
Rorisa!? Why did she follow me here?
"...This is perfect! Look, Revi is in some trouble there, I need your help breaking in!"
"Sorry, I couldn't resist checking out the bathroom… Now, I might not be able to help you break in, but I think I could save Revi."
H-huh? What sneaky plan does she have now?
"Waaaah! What are you…!? Give my pants back! I'll start screaming if you continue!"
"Nyahaha…! Even in the highly unlikely case that anyone hears you nya, your teammates would find it quite difficult to break through this 10-inch thick blast-proof adamantite alloy door nya. They couldn't even damage me earlier! Nyahaha!"
"Rorisa, what do we do!? She's about to do something worse than torture!"
"Fufu, this is getting entertaining…"
I don't like the look on your face right now, Rorisa!
What happened to helping him!?
And this is coming from someone who wanted to torture him at first!
"A-aaahhhhnnn… I mean, AHHHH! Help me! I'm being violated! Stop rubbing your body on- Wooaahh don't take my shirt as well!"
"You're pretty cute nya. Keep telling yourself that you hate it nya! Now, let's see… Mmmm, barely visible abs, tiny pectorals… Your parents must have spoiled you bad nya! I love it nya…"
W-what amazing deduction skills!
I meant…
"Rorisa! Do something quick! Even though he might be enjoying it now, I'm sure it'll turn sour very quickly!"
At least I hope; if he ends up getting serviced, I'm blocking him forever.
"Hmm… Blast proof door, how troublesome… Let's see here… Ahem."
Rorisa cleared her throat for self-confidence and-
"Hey there Punipuni-san, I'd like to inform you that your techniques suck!"
What!?
"Hmmmnya? So they found us huh nya… Hey you! Stop calling me that, nya! Now wait patiently while I… fill out some contracts with your archer teammate here nya!"
"Rorisa! Save me! From this robot's terrible techniques! I mean, oh my this torture! It hurts so much ahhhhh!"
How did I become the odd one out here!?
"Gah, you call this rape? If your victim is enjoying it, you've already failed! You were one of those robots designed to sexually please human masters weren't you? You must be a reject, sigh…"
...E-eh!? Rorisa, are you alright?
I can't believe she's saying this… In fact, I can't believe any of this is happening!
Wake me up!
"Huh!? You're an insider nya? You think you can do better than me, nya!?"
Suddenly, the door opened and-
-A gust of wind shoved Rorisa inside before slamming the giant door back shut.
"What do you mean enjoying!? I'm trembling over here… from pain! Ohhh she's so ruthless! I- oh, hi Rorisa…"
How come I don't get to enter!?
She saw me for sure!
...I could have gone in to… help with the healing! Yeah!
"Oh my oh my, I seem to have interrupted your little intimate session here…"
"Hmm? Jealous, nya? That you're only useful for your dreams? Don't even think about trying to kill me, nya, I am the last remaining entity capable of unlocking the containment sphere, nya! I've merely invited you to witness my trophy of dominance nya!"
"Ahh, get her off! She's trying to pull my underwear-ahh, ah!"
"Revi, it's just me. There's no need to pretend."
"No, seriously! I'm actually scared now, get her off! She's gonna rape me to death!"
"Thank your succubus teammate, nya. Failure!? I'm going to prove it to you all, what I'm really capable of, nya! Clueless children, I know everything about Norse and its corrupt scientists nya… Creating me to be S and intelligent yet only ever let me be either a static M sex toy or a janitor nya… "
So she does know…!
This evil bastard.
I need to be doing something… I could bring Komekko but-
-she probably shouldn't be hearing any of this. No, not yet.
"Ahh! What did you just take from the wall!? And where are you putting that!? Ah, Ahh!"
"Nyow, let's see your tiny body enjoy this, nya!"
"Oh no no no… I would have gone for the whip. This is a pervy teenager you're dealing with; he doesn't deserve proper procedures like that. Perhaps ordinary plays are all that's been written into your primitive robot brains."
"Whip!? Oi, Stop giving her ideas! At my expense!"
"You sure are one creative succubus nya… But I do agree, it's time to turn out the lights for this little boy, nya."
"Huhh!? Those panties… are removable!? Ah, I can see your-Mmmph! It's… mmmph! Real fabric… mmph! Can't… mmmph breathe!"
"Goodnight nya… I'm coming down onto it and there's nothing you can do nya…"
No.
No no no…
He can't lose his virginity before me… I won't accept it!
Rorisa, please do something!
"Pathetic! Yet another vanilla move. Routines like this are the cheapest type of service at our store because they require so little creativity. Admit it, you're a rejected prototype who was designed to be M with an S fantasy, nothing more. They used you as a janitor because they realized how terrible of an idea that was; you are literally a mistake. I don't know much about those 'scientist' people you speak of, but I know at least that they would eventually go on to build the very machine that destroyed overground Norse. See, they're like you! A bunch of delusional, egotistical failures. Everything they made to defeat the Demon King turned out to be either useless like you or totally counterproductive like the race that stole from you. Scratch what I said earlier; you're not just a mistake, you're a mistake designed by the greatest mistakes of the century to produce the most worthless mistake that ever existed. And you're in charge of this whole facility."
...Ah.
Sounds like my mental cry for help was heard.
Interesting… Scientists? Why would they destroy their own nation?
"S-shop? You run a shop Rorisa? Where could I find it?"
Really!? That's the most important theme you extracted from that amazing, long speech?
"...You… you're right n-nya…"
"At least get off of him before conceding, you worthless machine."
H-huh?
Get off!?
Does that mean…
I've lost?
No, I should be feeling bad for him. Sacrificing his purity for the sake of our mission.
"...Trust me, I'm more disappointed in the scientists than you nya. They used to invent and create with the common goal of defeating the Demon King nya… It didn't last long nya. If anything, my existence is a proof nya…"
"I'm… I'm just going to find and put on my clothes…"
"...You can have the relic if you want nya. I'm at least glad that Regina-sama is coming back to clean up the mess nya."
Suddenly, a loud click echoed from afar.
"Go ahead and take the prize nya. As for me… Well, as I said, the relic is pretty much the only important item I'm guarding anyways nya. The next best thing I can do is to correct the mistake nya…"
"Ugh… these panties on my head… Ridiculous. You know what, I despise them so hard that I'm taking these back to personally watch them get incinerated. That's right…"
I don't think Revi knows I'm here.
And he doesn't need to.
I'll be planning a Revi Torture Plan phase II as soon as I get back to Belzerg.
"You know, you don't have to be so pessimistic. You'll do great as a janitor at my place."
"Forget about it nya… You guys were fun to play with nya. At least I won't be ending it alone nya~"
"Hey, you should take your underwear back before turning yourself off you know…!"
Before Rorisa could finish, the door opened.
"Revi. Hand, over, those, panties, now."
"...!"
And that's it for chapter 4!
We apologize for the ridiculous time between updates...
Please... if you like this, or have anything to say...speak up!
EDIT -
Realized forgot to mention!
Thanks to BoringBone and Marv for proofreading and editing~!