A/N: Hello my dears! I hope everyone is staying safe during this time! I have an update for you. I actually wrote a chapter so big that I can split it into two chapters, so woohoo, two updates in one!
Huge, HUGE, shout out to one of my best friends, FallenWolf82, for talking through all of my ideas with me and inspiring the end of my writer's block!
I hope you enjoy!
A month has passed since the attack on Olivia Green, and some semblance of normalcy has found its way back into the castle. The professors were all on edge after getting the news in that first staff meeting, but no one seemed comfortable enough to talk about it. The students were kept in the dark for as long as possible so it wouldn't cause school-wide panic. We all knew it wouldn't last long, though. Olivia's parents had to be told, and the Headmaster could only put off Olivia's friends for so long. They asked continuously about her, and Armando eventually allowed them to visit her in the hospital wing.
After that, the news spread through the school like wildfire, and everyone could feel the tension and fear of the students. At first, the professors were asked often about what happened to Miss Green, but we don't have any more information than they do. This realization did absolutely nothing to relieve the students' anxiety. When no other attacks came in the weeks following, I could feel the students starting to relax again, and I was beyond grateful for it. They're all still much too young to have to worry about things like this.
Though, once the fear dissipated it turned into curiosity and gossip as many of them tried to figure out as much as they could about the attack. Once it got around that I was the one that found Olivia that night in the hallway, I was bombarded with more questions than anyone else, but I downright refused to speak of the incident, and continue to do so now. The events of that night have proved to be a difficult memory for me, but there's also a part of me that feels like it would be disrespectful to Olivia to talk about it. I may not be able to do much for the girl right now, but at least I can respect her privacy when she can't do it for herself. Thankfully, the students seemed to have learned their lesson and haven't brought the subject back up.
I've found myself spending much more time with Poppy in the weeks following the staff meeting. We seemed to have turned a corner since I helped comfort her that day; she's no longer weary of me, and she lets me help her do more research on Olivia's condition. So far we've come up with nothing, but I know it makes both of us feel better to know we're helping her somehow. When we've finally exhausted ourselves out of research, we'll spend time together doing other things, and I'm pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying her company more and more.
Sometimes I feel like I'm getting too comfortable in my friendships with Poppy, Rolanda, and sometimes even Albus. I have to fight myself not to pull back. I have almost no experience having friends and the last time I felt this comfortable around someone, it ended in one of the worst betrayals I've ever experienced.
More than once Poppy, Rolanda and I have been sitting in Poppy's office just talking, and suddenly, just for a moment, it's like I'm back in my old room at Shiz University with Glinda, talking and laughing about the most random things Glinda could think of.
I shake myself out of it every time, and Poppy and Rolanda almost never notice a change in my behavior, but the first time it happened it unnerved me. At some point I realized that it's different from back then, though. Poppy and Rolanda are vastly different from Glinda on a number of levels, and it wouldn't be fair of me to be so distant with them since they've been so nice and welcoming from the moment I got here. Every now and then I'll think about my life back in Oz and it strikes me how different everything is here; how different I am. I smile to myself, because if anyone from my old life could see me now, I doubt they would even recognize me; and it wouldn't have anything to do with the lack of green skin.
Reading has always been one of my favorite past times growing up. Except for taking care of Nessa, I didn't really have anything better to do with my time. Although my time is taken up with other things now, I still find time to read whenever I can. Even now, I'm sitting in the Hogwarts staff room with a number of other professors reading one of the Transfiguration books I bought during mine and Albus's trip to Diagon Alley.
I sigh, looking up from my book for a moment. There are more people in here than usual, and I was so caught up in reading I didn't even realize that the majority of them are all talking about some of the students in their classes.
"I think Margot Droope is probably one of my best students. If I recall her mother was also rather good with Herbology. How about you, Filius? Any future Charms Masters in your classes?"
Everyone listening to the conversation looks over at the head of Ravenclaw, who chuckles. "I don't know about Charms Masters, but I am rather surprised by John Ambrose. He's quite adept at the subject. It's been a while since I've seen a first year pick it up so quickly."
A couple of the teachers nod, recognizing his name. "Ambrose, he's in your house, right Slughorn?" Professor Beery asks.
"Ah, yes. Slytherin welcomed a number of new students this year, I'm happy to say. I hope Ambrose continues to do well."
"He's a bit of a prankster in my class, but he's a nice boy. Everyone seems to like him."
Some of the professors nod in agreement, laughing to themselves. I smile, remembering last week when Mr. Ambrose took every opportunity during my lesson to crack a joke. I kept giving him stern looks every time, but truth be told I had to turn away more than once so the students wouldn't see me laughing with them.
"He's Muggle-born, isn't he? I think his parents are teachers."
"He's a curious boy," Professor Merrythought says suddenly. "I imagine he gets it from his parents… He asked me about Olivia Green this week."
The statement is a sobering one, and whether Galatea meant to or not, almost immediately the tone of the room changes and every professor grows quiet.
"I've been getting questions sometimes too. I don't know what to tell them except what everyone already knows." Beery admits after a few moments of silence.
"None of us do." Filius says. "Not even Armando and Albus. The only thing we can do at this point is do our best to reassure them and make them feel safe. It will be figured out soon. Miss Green will be back in our classrooms in no time, I'm sure."
Everyone in the room understands the power behind his words, and every single one of us, even the ones who weren't listening before, nods resolutely.
I'm suddenly aware of how tense I became when Olivia was mentioned, but I appreciate the determination behind his words, and I can tell he truly believes them. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, attempting to calm myself back down. The moment I do, though, Olivia Green's frozen expression flashes in my mind, and my eyes fly open again.
I shake my head, but every time I try to close my eyes even for a second all I see is Olivia's face. Probably more suddenly than I realize, I close my book and get up from my seat. Without a word I walk across the room to the door and walk out of the staffroom, ignoring the feeling of the other professors' eyes on me.
When I open my eyes, I find myself in a corridor of the castle, and one of the first things I register is confusion. How did I get here? It isn't my turn on patrol duty. I walk down the hallway, feeling more confused the further I go. I get to the end of the hallway and turn the corner, suddenly feeling the strangest sense of Deja vu. I recognize this part of the castle, but my exact location slips my mind. Before I can think anymore about it, I trip suddenly and I gasp. I turn; looking toward the ground, and what I find only confuses me more.
"Olivia?" Sprawled on the floor, in exactly the same position as the last time, is Olivia Green.
How is this possible? I found Olivia ages ago, this can't be happening again! I can feel myself starting to panic, and I spin around, wand in hand, trying to figure out what in the hell is happening.
Still looking around me, I start to move toward the girl, kneeling down and reaching a hand out toward her, just as I know I did before.
"Miss Green—"
When I turn my head back around, the sight that greets me completely knocks the breath from my lungs, but I still manage to scream as I scramble away from it, only succeeding in falling unceremoniously to the floor a few feet away.
"N-Nessarose?"
Lying in exactly the same spot Olivia Green was just a moment ago is now my little sister, and for a moment I swear my heart stops beating. Fear and disbelief render me completely immobile for a few moments as I scan her body, but then I see the expression on her face.
She looks terrified.
I can't figure out why, but it's this thought that finally gets me moving again and I drag myself back over to her, abandoning my wand on the stone floor.
"Nessa!" I pull myself over her, grabbing both arms and shaking her, but she doesn't move and the expression on her face doesn't change.
"Oh, Nessa…" I can feel my composure crumble as I look at her and I allow my head to fall on her chest. I can't bear to see the look of horror on her face anymore.
"Nessa, forgive me! I… I'm so sorry…"
After a moment I look around me, steadfastly avoiding looking on my sister's face again. No one is here but me and I'm still in the castle corridor; I half expected to look up and be back in Oz.
"Please, Nessa—" I force myself to look back at my sister, only to discover there is no one there. Both she and Olivia Green have vanished, leaving me completely alone in the hallway.
"No… " I whisper, suddenly even more afraid than before.
"Nessarose?!" I feel myself starting to hyperventilate even as I feebly attempt to keep myself calm.
I'm still on the floor, but I turn in both directions looking for her. It's no use though; she's gone. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to pull myself out of whatever hell I've found myself in, but when I do all I see is an alternating, endless loop of both Olivia Green's face and Nessarose's terrified expression.
I shake my head vigorously but the images don't go away, and suddenly I can't take it anymore, but the only thing I can think to do is scream.
"NESSA!"
The sound of my screaming is what finally jolts me awake, and I bolt upright only to fall completely off my couch. My head whips from side to side as I take in my surroundings. Seeing that I'm in my rooms and no longer stuck in my nightmare is a relief, but doesn't do much to calm me down. Finally convinced that I'm in a safe place, I sit on the floor with my back leaning against the couch, eyes wide. I preserve my energy into forcing breath in and out of my lungs at a fairly regular rate.
I'm not sure quite how much time has passed before breathing regularly requires less of an effort, but even after it becomes second nature again I can still feel my chest heaving and my heart beating somewhat erratically. I can't even remember when I fell asleep… the last thing I clearly remember is leaving the teacher's lounge after Olivia Green was mentioned.
I hear a small pop, but the sudden noise doesn't even make me flinch.
"Miss Minerva?"
I turn my head slightly toward the voice and see Pipsy standing by my door.
"Hello Pipsy." It takes some effort, but I manage to make my voice sound somewhat normal.
"You missed lunch. Are you hungry?"
The statement doesn't surprise me, but it does make me wonder exactly how long I've been sitting here. Did I sleep through lunch, or did I spend all that time sitting frozen on my floor? From the tone of her voice I can tell that the elf knows something is wrong, but she doesn't push me.
"No," I answer quietly. "But thank you for checking, Pipsy."
I don't look at her when I answer, but I see the elf nod out of the corner of my eye. She doesn't say anything right away, but she doesn't leave either. I can feel her watching me, but I'm too caught up in my thoughts to pay much attention to it.
Finally I see Pipsy move, but she doesn't speak until she's a couple feet away from me.
"May Pipsy sit with you, Miss Minerva?"
She says it so gently that it finally makes me look at her. Her huge green eyes look so kind and accepting, and I feel myself give her what is probably just a ghost of a smile before slowly nodding.
"If you wish."
Immediately the elf closes the remaining distance between us and plops herself down on the floor beside me in a way that would have made me chuckle any other time. Pipsy doesn't say anything else; she doesn't try to talk to me or ask me why on earth I'm sitting on my floor. I'm aware enough now to know that I must look absolutely terrible, but Pipsy doesn't seem to care. She just sits with me, silently offering support and comfort even though she doesn't have the slightest clue why I need it. The gesture would have made me cry if I were able to do so without pain.
Suddenly, my hand moves almost of its own accord and I take hold of Pipsy's smaller one. I see her jump and look at our hands before looking back up at me, but she still doesn't speak and I don't look back at her. We stay just like this for a few minutes before I clear my throat.
"I had a little sister once." My voice comes out slightly hoarse, but I know she understands anyway.
"Her name was Nessa. Nessarose." My voice cracks on her name.
I fall silent again, but a few moments later I feel Pipsy squeeze my hand. I've always felt like Pipsy could see right through me, and I remember that she was the one to find me during one of my other nightmares. It suddenly occurs to me that most likely, the elf doesn't need an explanation for my unusual behavior, and I'm more grateful for her now than ever.
It's this thought process that makes me squeeze her hand back.
"Thank you, Pipsy."
A moment later, I hear her small, high-pitched voice.
"Of course, Miss Minerva."
I don't know for sure how long Pipsy and I sit together, but eventually I realize it must be getting close to the time for her to help the other house elves prepare dinner. It takes some doing, but I finally convince the sweet little elf to leave, but only by promising that I'll be at dinner tonight.
After she leaves, I allow myself a few more minutes to completely compose myself, but I leave my rooms almost as soon as I can make myself presentable again. Instead, I find myself walking on the grounds by the Black Lake. I need to clear my head. I've had nightmares before, but obviously this one shook me to my core. I knew that the incident with Olivia Green affected me more than I cared to admit, but I never expected anything like this. Why would my subconscious be torturing me with images of Nessarose? My sister was crushed by a bloody house, not frozen by some attack!
As I walk, I force myself to remember the nightmare, trying to pinpoint the moment everything went wrong. It wasn't just the sudden appearance of my sister; it was something about her…
It was the look on her face! The look of complete terror on her face is what unraveled me. I've never, ever seen that look on Nessa's face before. Taking care of her growing up, I always worked hard to keep her spirits up despite her condition. It didn't always work but even so, I saw her sad, generally frightened, but there was something different about this look.
I pause in my walk to sit under a tree, looking out at the lake. If I don't figure this out now, I know it'll drive me mad. I remember the vision I had in Oz, the first night I spent with Fiyero. I saw Dorothy Hale's house flying through the air, caught in a cyclone, and I knew. I just knew Nessa was in danger. I tried to get there before it happened, but it was too late. Nessa was already gone by the time I arrived. I felt so guilty; all those years trying to protect her and take care of her but I couldn't save her from a flying house even though I saw it coming. It only made it worse that we'd fought the last time I saw her alive.
Still, despite the pain and guilt that tore me up inside, I managed to find solace in it. I may not have been able to save Nessa, but I allowed myself the smallest bit of relief that I never had to see the state being crushed with a house had left her in. Was she oblivious to it, did she see it coming? Was she afraid before it fell on her? I prayed to whatever higher power existed that she was ignorant to it, blissfully unaware of what was going to happen.
Seeing the look on her face in my nightmare though, the level of absolute terror frozen there… maybe she wasn't as oblivious as I'd hoped.
I shudder at the thought of it before shaking the memory out of my head.
Obviously something in me seeing Olivia Green on the floor that night connected the poor girl to Nessarose. In the end I was unable to do the one thing my father ever trusted me with: protecting his favorite daughter. Even though I know I'm not personally at fault for what happened to Olivia Green, I'm still one of her professors, and it's part of my job to keep these children safe.
I finally get up from my perch under the tree, realizing that as much as I wish I could change what happened to Nessarose and Olivia, I can't. Nothing will ever bring my sister back, but I can do something for Miss Green. I can continue to help Poppy look for a cure, and I can continue to do my job to the best of my ability.
The only thing we can do at this point is to reassure them and make them feel safe.
I remember Professor Flitwick's words from this morning, and I smile. I'll have to remember to thank him one day.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed! I should have the next chapter up in just a little bit.
Thanks again to FallenWolf82, who knows how long these two updates would have taken without him!
As always, PLEASE REVIEW! :)
Take care and stay well,
~Neve