Chapter 5 - Calling GG On This Mess!
Part 1
Back in the main chamber, Komekko had been patiently waiting.
"Everyone! What took you so long? Anyways-good news! The ball opened itself! Let's see what's inside!"
"Ah, Komekko… We uh…"
Rorisa tried to start explaining everything but had second thoughts.
"Yeah, I don't think she's ready to know the severity of…" I whispered my suggestion to her.
"Especially with Revi in this state… How should we even hide it?"
The succubus looked back at the lagging prince worriedly.
"Huh…? What state? I'm perfectly fine! Look, I was just uh… a bit shocked so I took a bit of time to cool off. I'm perfectly fine now! Hey there Komekko!"
What a suspicious response.
He's probably terrified to the core right now, so I'll cut him some slack and be nice for a change. After all, the quest is… Well, should be complete.
"Revi-san! Your clothes are a bit messy and you're all sweaty… Did anything happen in the washroom? Hehe, did anything exciting happen back there with Iris nee? Rorisa-san, perhaps?"
Oh no.
"Of course not! I mean… yeah no! Nothing saucy. The cat robot went crazy and tried to murder me, so Iris-chan and Rorisa-san barged in to save the day with their amazing skills. Of course, I didn't sit there on the toilet and do nothing either. I hastily pulled up my pants and destroyed it with a swift shot to the head, claiming victory. Look, the treasure vault is open!"
Still impressive, prince.
"...Yeah, that was one hell of a battle alright… She was only a minor inconvenience. Hehe… Come on Revi, let's go get the relic!"
I just want to sweep it under the rug for the well-being of all of us.
"Hey Iris, I had a thought just now… What if she wasn't really the only robot here? Don't you think that fight was a little too easy? You know what I'm sayin…?"
Indeed. Kazuma-san did mention tough monsters showing up after false victories in his tales.
"We should stay cautious while taking the prize. There might be surprises awaiting."
Just now, Komekko spoke up.
"Hey, you said you shot Punipuni-chan… But your crossbow was right here the whole time."
Tilting her head as she held up the crossbow confusedly.
"Ahh…"
"So, this is it huh…"
I mumbled as we climbed up to the giant container.
What powerful relic are we about to witness?
"Iris, you do the honor. We've got you covered in case it's a trap."
Revi said with a serious tone as he aimed his crossbow at the entrance.
It's rare to see him being dependable for once.
Rorisa also hovered above, ready to spot any imminent danger.
Alright, moment of truth.
Carefully, I reached into the seam and…
"Hmm, feels papery. I think it's a book of some kind…"
"Wow! Let's see it! Could it be some ancient forbidden spellbook!? The devil needs it!"
Well that can't be right.
Because the book is rather thin and soft; there's no way it could be anything ancient.
I pulled it out to have a closer look.
"So, what is it? Just take a quick glance and let's get out of this eerie place before anything else bad happens." Revi said anxiously.
…Huh.
"Well, I have some good news and some bad news."
It was indeed a thin book.
The cover was printed with high precision and is way more colorful than any book I've read.
"The good news is, it does seem exceptionally rare and valuable; the bad news is, I think I recognize it."
There have only been one other source for these colorful books I know of.
A long time ago, a strange adventurer traded some of these "elite relics" to Belzerg.
They have been locked up in the vault ever since and I never got to read any of them.
That was, until the 'Masked Thieves Group' spirited it out of vault.
….
Oi, Onii-sama!
"Why is it bad news that you recognize it?"
"Belzerg had some once. The treasurer warned me about its content being… 'unsuitable' for me. Now that I've flipped through it… I think I'll be keeping this somewhere safe."
I quickly folded the book up and shoved it in my pouch.
I'll be using it for… future research purposes.
"What do you mean!? What did you see? What does it even do? Don't tell me this 'relic' is also in fact useless!"
Is this it?
Is that all?
Is the quest over?
"Relax Revi, I don't think there's going to be another surprise attack. To be honest, I find all this pretty disappointing too…"
We trained for what, three whole days for this?
And the final "boss" is just a psychologically weak sex robot?
"Don't be disappointed! This has been fun for the devil! …Maybe we can continue adventuring someday… right?"
Don't say depressing lines like that!
"Yeah, it's been eye-opening for me as well… I finally defeated something all by myself, too. This experience has helped tremendously with my self-esteem, all thanks to you guys!"
And Rorisa did a textbook literary analysis of our journey.
...I guess this is it then.
Time to go… home? Back to being a princess…? After all this…?
Wait. Revi and I are still in the wrong body.
"Umm… Question. Does anyone know which way is Ur… Ero… Right, Uroburos with respect to this place?"
Just then.
"Nobody ever said that the quest would be time-consuming and difficult, you know. You guys stressed out a little too much, don't you think?"
A figure appeared at the other end of the hallway.
"Huh!? Who are you!? Stay back! I'll have you know that we just defeated the guardian of this lab, so if you know what's good for you-"
"Oh please, I'm just here to collect my doll."
"M-Marion!? How did you know where we went!?"
"Did you follow us? Oh! Did you visit the Devil's hometown!?"
"Why do you know so much about our quest…!?"
While those three asked Marion, who suddenly showed up, these obvious questions…
I simply walked formally forward with the doll in one hand and the book in the other.
"Here is your doll, and oh… Here's the relic you wanted us to fetch, Regina-sama."
"Ehh!? Are you crazy Iris!? Don't make jokes like that! We need that book! She's just some merchant!"
"..."
This prince just isn't bright enough.
"Really, Revi? Isn't it obvious? How would anyone else know so much about us and why would they show up out of nowhere to help us? Clearly, Marion is just Regina-sama in disguise."
"He's sort of right you know. I'm not Regina; or at least, my body isn't hers."
Oh you can't be serious.
It's one of those gimmicks again.
The whole deal with a great, omnipotent being visiting the mortal world in the form of a little girl.
"Wooah, just like me! The devil is also… well, an ancient spirit possessing a little child! So we're both communicating through each others' bodies!"
...Well, she's not lying. I kind of wish she was.
Because this way, I don't even know what to believe anymore.
"-But thanks for completing Regina's quest. My name really is Marion, and I'm one of her newer priests. She borrows my body from time to time, so don't get freaked out when I speak weirdly."
Oh, so at least she's a normal person and not some mystical sprite
But that just makes it worse.
Let's just say this prince dude has a crush on her. Which one does he really like?
The mortal body or the goddess?
Not that it'd turn out well for him in either case.
"Y-you're welcome… So, do we get our bodies back now? And we can return to our old lives again?"
Revi replied, somewhat disappointed.
I am, too. I hope there's another twist before we end our adventure… Maybe.
"Mmhmm, there is no point to keeping you guys stuck in these forms, is there? Let us go back to my town and I'll send you all off with my real body… Who is waiting on the other side, actually "
Marion immediately began walking towards the teleportation nodes we used to come here.
So there's no twist, fair enough.
"Wait, Regina-sama, what's that questionable magazine doing here in the underground facility? Why is it locked up so securely!?"
"The Scientist. For recreational purposes, he created it. As for why it's locked up… You've answered that question yourself, don't you think?"
...Right.
It's amazing how far my moral standards have fallen in just a few days.
"Wait, since Revi and Iris are heading back to their respective duties after this, can the devil at least follow along to your place for a proper send off…?"
Komekko asked desperately, as if visiting a dying relative.
Don't make it sound so dramatic, dammit!
We were just… temporary collaborators, yeah. No need to be sad at all!
Somehow, I couldn't even convince myself of that.
"Sure; since nobody trusts crimson demons anyway, leaking secrets should not be an issue."
"Yay! I can finally get to witness a place owned by a real Goddess! This will look extra nice on my resumé!"
Crimson demons have resumés!? For what!? Posing experience!?
I thought only noble intellectuals needed those!
"You know… I never thought about this, but maybe I should prepare a resumé too to record all the experiences I've gathered from this journey. Not like I'd ever need to find a job. I'll need it so I can brag to all those spoiled noble snob friends of mine."
I see he hasn't really changed at all. How disappointing.
What can you put on there anyway?
"Got lewded by some little girls and liked it"; "Failed to save team from rookie killers"... What else?
"Everyone, step into the teleporter already! Don't keep Regina-sama waiting."
Rorisa, the only other sane person, is getting impatient.
"No worries, I'm not in a hurry. Hmm, why is the teleporter reading 6 persons? Are any of you carrying more than 30kg of luggage?"
Six!? That's strange.
Judging by the average stature of our team, it ought to read less than five.
"Umm… I think…. Uh, because this crimson demon girl is possessed by this buff devil dude, it might have increased her physical mass, too. I mean you really should've seen how ripped he was. Damn!"
"Are you calling me fat, Prince Revi-kun? I'll have you know that being fat is a status symbol for us Crimson Demons!"
"Well… that'd be a rather uncommon effect of possession… I've never seen anyone grow heavier due to being possessed. Food for thought. Let's go then!"
The Norse underground complex faded to white-
As the light dimmed, a robed figure came into view. I found myself back in the Crimson Demon Village's mysterious facility.
We should be somewhere under the village proper, if I'm not mistaken.
Actually, this place has to be very far from the town we were abducted to-what, four days ago? Five?
Felt like a lot longer.
We'll have to teleport from somewhere near the Demon King's castle all the way to the outskirts of Elroad.
Eris knows how much mana that would consume.
"Aha, there you are. How good to see you in the flesh… so to speak."
Regina casually greeted us with a handful of followers.
This instantly raised several flags.
Waiting right outside of a teleporter with armed support…
In a place nobody else can find us…
Leaving us with no means of escape…!
"I sense some tension around you guys… what's the matter?"
"Is this quest really a mere punishment? No matter how I look at it, I don't see how doing such a simple task benefits you in any meaningful way. No one ever does anything without benefits!"
Dang, my worldview has changed massively since back then.
"Of course there's a reason! Let's just say, I already have what I wanted, so you're all free to go. I don't want to keep you waiting; anything else before we head back?" She replied naturally.
Anything else? I do see a huge elephant in the room-
"Yes! ...What the hell was that massive place under Norse!? Why was the relic there!? Why is the relic a-a 'picture book'? Surely you know about it!"
"Well… Okay, I used to rule over Norse, doing what every other goddess at the times did-fighting the Demon King. Then, bad things happened...and here I am. Let's leave it at that shall we?"
She just said something incredible!
She ruled Norse!? The powerful, advanced nation that created the Destroyer Fortress!?
That raised more questions than it answered.
"Something bad? I think that's a vast understatement! I don't intend to open any old wounds, but…"
"Regina-sama is the goddess of vengeance, if I recall correctly. When you wrong someone, it's only natural to expect them to return the favor. The only question is who she had to upset to lose an entire nation…"
And that's when Revi starts making his pretentious as hell analyses trying to fit in.
"Good observation! True, I did build Uroboros far from this village to protect my new followers from someone. And also true, I did wrong him in the past. But no, losing Norse took far more than a single isolated mistake."
H-huh!?
D-did he just get complimented and approved? By the goddess herself!?
Forget Eris-sama, not even Big Boss has ever flattered me as much.
"To bring down a goddess and her whole nation… that someone must be either an eldritch beast of unimaginable power-or I'll be damned, the Demon King himself."
It's only natural then for me to smoothly add myself to the conversation with my own deductions.
"To be fair, the Mobile Fortress Destroyer did the bulk of the work-after he turned everything against me. Also, the 'he' is one of your kind, not some kind of elite monster."
…
How could Revi just defeat me like that.
Besides, isn't a political takeover by another human just a regular old revolution? The whole story just lost its air of cool and mystery to me.
I don't like politics and diplomacy.
In fact, that's the very reason I agreed to come out of the castle!
I guess diplomats are more important than I thought.
I should really learn to appreciate my lessons more when I get back to princess duty.
Speaking of which…
"Right, enough about my inglorious history… It's really nothing interesting, I assure you. Now, let's get you two back into town so we can restore your old bodies. Follow me!"
...We're just about to leave this newfound life of adventuring behind.
It's very unfortunate that I did not get to try other roles out. If only my class was really the Fairy and not some Battlepriest BS.
"Marion, Clathra, let's take everyone home, shall we?" said Regina, clapping her hands.
Well, at least we won't have to walk back.
Maybe this special teleportation magic will help Revi overcome his recent trauma.
"Ooooh! Is this the 'sacred teleport' magic I've only heard of in legend? The Devil is honored!"
Along with Regina, these two formed a triangle around the group, and soon a grand spell was building around us.
Pumped with the little goddess's mana, runes and magic circles danced in flows of magenta and and cerulean blue.
"T...this is complex, multi vessel magic! This can only be done with powerful familiars! The Devil is so jealous! Does Regina-sama think she could teach the Devil to manipulate her party members with such skill?"
Oi…
"-For purely constructive causes and under all of our consent, right?"
"I wouldn't mind giving some tips, I have had experience teaching to those with demonic skills sets but...Ehh?!"
-Just then, the circle flared red...and shattered!
Red and magenta fragments are flying everywhere!
This does not look like a normal teleportation from any perspective.
"Mwahahahahahahah!'
What… ?!
Part 2
"To think that after all this time…I finally have you!"
Rising up dramatically amongst the fading sparkles… a robed figure appeared.
Flaring his cape wide with a flourish, he pointed an accusing finger at the small goddess.
"Hmm… Not even the Eldritch Crimson Devil can figure out who this awkward sudden intruder is. Does anyone have a clue?"
Komekko broke the silence.
"Uwaa… He is making me more embarrassed than any of my customers did!"
"I'm sorry but uh, what?"
It seems that everyone is just as confused as me.
"..."
Is this-
-Some kind of Crimson Demon clown? Actor?
Everything about him just screams 'wanna-be'!
Regina recovered more quickly than the rest of us though, and fixed him with a blank stare.
"Just how long are you going to be obsessed with me, Makemake?"
… x n
"...I'm sorry, what did you just say his name was?"
"...It's Makemake...MAH-KE-MAH-KE, ALRIGHT!?"
Woah, this role player needs to chill.
"Come on now, what is this reaction!? Are you not impressed!? Admit it, that was the most epic, cool hero entry you've seen in the last… however long you mortals have been alive for!"
"...the Devil awards you no points. I'm afraid you would have flunked the course and would have to repeat the grade, uh, maa-key maa-key? Mack… Whatever. See, your name is a major pitfall… And this is coming from a crimson demon."
"Indeed, as a prince, I would like to buy you a clue, sir. Regrettably I am currently broke."
"... Did you name yourself?"
I made the most obvious prediction.
"Alright. Let's go over you bunch one at a time. You! Yes, that red-eyed little miss know-it-all! You think my name was bad? Let's hear yours! You 'crimson demon'! Who gave you red eyes anyway? You're giving us red-eyed god-wizards a bad reputation."
Right, now that he mentions it, he does also have red eyes akin to those of Komekko's.
Something about him just doesn't jive though.
It feels like-
Imitation? Counterfeit?
"Ahh, allow this Devil to show you how it's done!'
Throwing her arms out and flaring her cape, the ground itself suddenly shot up under Komekko's feet, putting her on a higher plane than the rest of us.
J-just when did you learn that spell?!
Fiery embers started to emerge from her glowing eyes, as smoke wafted up behind her.
"From the crimson pit, lord of gluttony and precociousness … This Devil art Komekko! Master of fires, balls and the demonic arts of tactical seduction!"
Uwaaa...that pose. Much better than what I can come up with.
Wait, seduction!?
Mind you that we can also see your bats from this angle, little devil.
"...Ahh...ahh…..ahh...um….."
Yeah, sorry mister Mac, this girl is kinda…
"...Hmm, tactical pause. Mortal, please present your number. Like, so we can text. I have ManaLink premium service and… oh. No signal, never mind."
Ehh? What's with that reaction… And why are your eyes sparkling with awe? Revi's too!?
You keep that up and I'll throw you back into the cat bot dungeon.
"Oi… you really are weird. Komekko is already taken. By the devotion to wicked magic! Sorry, she no longer wishes to speak with you any more."
With that, she anticlimactically hid behind me.
Makemake then abruptly shifted over to me;
"Well then! On to you two now. What's your deal, little blue hair doll in skimpy clothes who looks to have very low intel?"
He leans in closer…!
"And don't think I'm not onto your tricks, young lady. Judging by your overall appearance and attitude, you must be the leader of this little band of justice aren't you?"
Well, he got something right at last.
"Oh don't worry about me. I'm just some delusional priestess who tried to find a sense of self worth by helping Lady Regina over there. Why are you here, by the way? Mind telling us?"
It's amazing how he's been talking for twenty minutes without ever mentioning the reason for his "grand entry".
"That leads right into the next person doesn't it? Look, I'll have to really thank this handsome, considerate brother of yours. He brought my robot with him! You have him to thank for my awakening, Regina!"
Hold it.
Did he just call Revi my…my…!
That's it, I'm never forgiving this man.
We all turned and looked at said brother, Regina included.
Revi's bag then started vibrating…
"R-robot? Why, I have no idea what you speak of, sir!"
Then what's with that panicked look on your face!"
Suddenly-
"Maid bot version R3-4, cat variant. Please press any key to run setup or long press power button to shut down."
Makemake smugly smiled.
"Amazed? If you liked that, wait till I tell you all about the 'developer mode'."
"Please, please tell me!"
I stopped them from starting a private conversation by grabbing hold of the pervert prince.
"So that's where the extra weight came from, huh. I'll deal with you later. Oh, I also take back all the sympathy I gave you earlier!"
"So, you're one of those prototype crimson demons aren't you? I've heard about the existence of your kind, but never expected you to be so… nevermind."
Rorisa, who had stayed silent thus far, contributed some important information.
"Oi, you must be a prototype for the sex dolls, given your failed tiny… bosom."
Rorisa seems very hurt by that comment and shrunk into a ball.
Things getting real personal up in here!
"I don't know what this 'crimson demon' is, and I doubt I'd care. I came here to finally finish off that washed up goddess. I mean, why would I stop after going so far as to help bring her entire nation down around her self serving ears, and mildly torturing her with imprisonment for a few centuries? Wouldn't we all be better off without a goddess such as she existing? Vengeance? Manipulation? It's like describing a spiteful ex-lover. "
No rather, it feels like that's exactly what's being described here!
"So, why don't you guys just step aside and let the savior himself settle this little matter, hmmm?"
Well, it's not like we are indebted to Regina or anything.
I mean, impersonally speaking, isn't she a threat and usurper to both our kingdoms?
Uruboros is inside our national boundaries…
Revi must have had the same thought, as we both turned and looked at the goddess in question.
"...Please note that only the original caster of [Encrypt] can remove its effects. That is all I will say~"
… …
Right, goddess of manipulation.
"Ok party, combat formation!"
I'm sorry, Aqua-sama, I don't intend to go the rest of my life with your hair color.
"...Are three little girls and my robot's slave supposed to intimidate me or something?"
Same could be said about a Komekko-flirter in a cape.
The twerp looked at our battle formation with tired disgust.
"Alright, I'll teach you to not stand between me and my rival. Begone, fodder!"
Then he waved his arm dramatically towards us-
...And from inside his cape seemed to spawn dozens of-
-dolls?!
"Oooh, those are pretty cute!"
Rorisa seemed impressed but-
"...Are you by chance giving these away?"
...Revi seems to want one too?
"Ahhh, they look like miniature versions of the great Devil herself!"
…
Now I'm confused.
"Take this! Suupa-Uizaado-kamikaze attaaku!"
What!?
Oi, are these like those things Kazuma-san encountered while facing Vanir?
Will they explode?!
"Ehhh, that doll bit me, WTF!?"
...They really are little Komekko's!
A murderous, yet cute sound echoes through the cavern.
"NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!"
"Ahh, my skirt, it's taking damage!"
"The Devil will not be out performed by these cheap imitations...NOM!"
...Ok, it's kinda cute seeing one of those dolls flailing its little arms as she bites its head and all, but-
"Hey! I found an off switch, it's located in the dolls panties! Quick, everyone, lets-"
"The Devil has had enough… [FI~YABALLS]!"
Just when Revi had said something disturbing, Komekko let loose a swarm of fire engulfing the oncoming horde.
"Ahh, while cute, and dangerously hungry...these dolls possess little battle power...Ei!"
Rorisa knocked the head off one with her staff with ease.
The doll then deflated with a comical wheeze.
"YIKES! Ahh, why are these dolls so inclined to sexual harassment!?"
…
Okay, this was worth the price of entry just to see a doll holding onto the pervert prince's crotch by the mouth.
We spent the next thirty seconds dismembering the ones too close to burn.
"...All that divine power you stole, and this is what you do with it hmm?"
Regina said, picking up one of the destroyed dolls.
"I- They were supposed to… I mean, what I envisioned was… AAAGH!"
Then she grinned mischievously, made some hand gestures in the air as if… pulling on some strings?
!
The dolls that were broken and lifeless, all suddenly sprang to their feet…
They proceeded to turn their back toward their creator, then…
"Bwaka, bwaka, Makemake Bwaka!"
"Hey, hey! The Devil would never do something as petty and degrading as that! Stop it!"
I'm sorry, Komekko-chan.
"Pf….pftt hahahaahahah!"
But I simply cannot stop laughing when I see dozens of tiny wizards shake their behinds at a supervillain.
"Hahahaha! Now this is funny. Let me just, heh, take a look from the victim's angle, hahaha-"
"No Revi! The Devil cannot approve of this request!"
"To have put such impressive details into the panties of these dolls… Together with that cat-girl robot from before, I think I'm starting to understand your priorities better."
"NO! You lowly demon, you don't understand my true, divine power! This was an accident, fool!"
Oho!
This embarrassing guy is surprisingly easy to provoke huh?
"Alright, I'll first admit that I just stole one of these dolls for future studying…Unfortunately, the quality isn't really on a marketable level."
"Hmmph, at least model the dolls after the Devil's full power mode… All you're doing is embarrassing me!"
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUUUUUP!"
Oho?
And just like that, the dolls all vanished into puffs of sparkling mana.
"Ahh crap, the one I stuffed in my bag is…!"
"Look, Revi. If you really desire such a thing... The Devil's mother can provide a much cooler version! ...A-and more detailed too…"
Oi, I get it. You two love to do this in public. You don't have to…
"Hey, mind the situation, you two! can hear you…"
Rorisa was right, this guy is straight seething over there.
"Even though you stole that power, you still can't manage to control it very well huh? Well, it's not like the original user was all that gifted either...but for a supposedly 'enhanced being'...Ugh."
Regina sighed, looking like a disappointed dad.
"Shut up, idiot goddess! You know full well that they were supposed to be magic missiles! I-I just wasn't focused enough!"
I see now.
His cheat ability is tied to his mental state, huh?
"[Charm]!"
Rorisa seems to have figured it out, too.
"Huh…!? You cheeky little, I'm going to take my time with you!... Grrraaaahh!"
?!
Throwing his hands high into the air, he seemed to draw a massive golem straight out of the floor.
"Holy smokes! Such a massive golem, this is pretty cool! And...and…?"
Revi's voice trailed off as the golem continued to take shape and features started to emerge.
…
Oi.
"The Devil had some hope for this effort; alas, I award you negative points, and am feeling somewhat nauseous. May whatever deity you worship have mercy upon your soul."
Is it just me, or does this golem look like a more muscular version of himself?
...Ugh, really?
Is that what he ultimately lusts over? I shouldn't have expected any better.
While we were busy mocking the golem, it was charging up for an attack.
"Ha! Thanks for the spell, little sex demon! Now my visions are clearer than ever! Goodbye-"
Now, this thing looks ridiculous, but it looks like it could still hurt us badly.
"Our cafe does not even offer that kind of-Whoa!"
The golem thrust its fist directly at Rorisa…!
"Oh my Lilith, that was close!"
Rorisa-san, I want you to know that having wings is really unfair.
"...! What a dangerous opponent! A 'big, hard thing' that can satisfy me has appeared! As nee-chan would say, the bigger the better!"
Komekko-chan, at this point I think you're doing this on purpose!
While Revi was unceremoniously getting a nosebleed, Komekko charged up her beloved [Fireball] skill!
"Take this, Firestorm!"
...But of course, it was ineffective.
After all, you can't burn down a pile of earth.
…
But wait… !
The golem stopped moving!
"Ahh, it seems the golem can't move. You've baked its clay into brick!"
Wasn't that a bit too easy? I didn't even need to do anything.
"Wait, wait! Let me try something, please! I promise you it'll be very cool!"
...Fine, show us how spectacularly you can destroy a pile of rocks, oh cool Prince-sama.
"'Minor-Explosive-Bolt'! Ahem, It's very cheap so I can use them liberally!"
What's there to be so smug about? That's not even-
*POP~!
It sounded like a balloon popping.
That didn't do much to compensate for your… size, Revi.
"Ahh, wait for it."
*C...crack….*
First a tiny crack formed at the base of its neck…
...Then, it quickly travelled down to it's hips and split the golem in half.
"Balls! Ahem, bullocks! I seem to have had a minor flaw in my golem design…"
"Wow, it shattered… just like this guys ego."
I followed my observation with a half-hearted insult.
No, I don't mean you, Revi, stop giving me looks of hatred!
"Excuse me!? My ego will never be- I mean, as the humble savior of the Norse people, I have no ego to be shatter in the first place! Now take this!"
Once again, the environment morphed and…
"Ahh, metal this time? Isn't it like, more of a machine than a golem? Oi, is that a giant...codpiece!?"
Revi was quick to point out the details.
"Hey, I know you're pent up after all these years, but you don't have to let it show in such a situation…! I-if you're really that desperate, I might be able to hook up one of my distant incubus friends and…!"
"Why does a golem need giant, err… 'strap-on'?"
"Komekko! Don't tell me you…!"
"Yes! It was nee-san again! Go ask her about it!"
"Careful, everyone! He's actively upgrading his constructs to adapt to your skills!"
Regina, amazingly, remained objective.
Don't worry, we haven't even shown our final forms yet!
"Behold, a perfected package! Let's see how your pitiful attacks measure up against-"
*Thwack.
"-S-stop shooting these pathetic arrows at my-his groin, you pervert!"
*Thwack*
"Hit...its weak point...for massive damage…"
As expected of this prince, using tactics that normally only girls used!
*Cracklackalackalacka!*
The golem made a sound as if an entire crate of clockworks spilled out on the floor.
"My loyal steel golem, Mecha-make, attack! Liberally eject your pay-loads upon them!"
Speaking like this won't help convince anyone that you're a 'humble saviour', you know!?
'Mechamake' then transformed to reveal a large amount of bombs!
We quickly spread out to dodge the incoming attacks.
T...this is bad!
"Ahahahaha! Mechamake, target the one with the crossbow over there, he must be the core of their party!"
"Eh, What!? Thanks but no thanks! Help!"
Then Revi dropped his cool facade and ran like a little bitch.
…Not that I would have done anything different, but at least make a cool excuse.
"Yes, Revi has the right idea. Don't just stand there! Indeed, he has been the greatest contributor so far."
Ehhh?
Regina-sama? Praising Revi!?
"Hmm, not only did he deal the chip damage that finished off the clay golem, he's kiting the current boss while skillfully keeping aggro… He has great micro, the Devil is impressed!"
"No, actually, you were the main DPS that… forget it. Also, I don't think there was any 'micro' involved. You're learning well though, keep it up."
"And Revi, here, since you are being such a great distraction…[Speed Boost] [Armor Boost]."
It wouldn't do if our bait got blown to pieces.
After all, unlike a certain party, we have no way of reviving the dead.
"Heeeeeeeelllllllllp meeeee!"
Don't slow down, ok?
"Haw haw haw! Now that you girls are helpless, time for some play!"
...x4
Oi, stop making with the creepy onii-sama trademark finger motions!
"Oh, everyone! Allow me to show the hidden art we developed at our shop for dealing with these kinds of customers!"
Rorisa said as she put on a scary expression, never before seen.
She then crouched down and spread her wings…
I can't help but swallow in anxiety.
"Customers? I have no need for such useless services; I am divine after-"
Like a flash of light, Rorisa launched forward foot-first and-
"[Lust Detonate]!"
-Kicked him there.
A loud explosion echoed around the chamber.
And then there was silence.
The golem had stopped attacking.
Then , with a tremendous clang, the thing fell over, holding it's enormous codpiece. Tears of oil pouring from it's pain filled eyes.
...
P-please tell me that was the first time you've used that skill.
I sincerely hope that no man in this world had to endure… that.
"As nee-chan says, size isn't everything, Please give up on your giant dreams and try using what you have, ok?"
Komekko, don't pat his head with such pity in your eyes!
I think this guy just might be into you.
"Hiiiiiiiyaaaaaa! Gaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Wow, that's one high-pitched screech.
Pulling himself off the ground with great difficulty, Makemake glared at up with unrestrained bloodlust.
…
Well, it's a good thing this embarrassing fellow probably can't reproduce now.
"Grrr, these incompetent golems are too weak for you bunch huh? Guess I'll have to take a different approach. Let's see here… How did I win last time? I did… then I… and finally…! Ahh, that's it. No more silly golems, they're ancient playthings. Let it flood! The floor is lava!"
Oh, what now? Is he about to make an effective attack for once?
The ground rumbled…!
"Glub glub glub~~"
Then, high pitched onomatopoeia started coming from all around us.
I thought you were done with the "silly" attacks, Makemake?
"Oh look, Iris! More Komekko dolls! Hey, Regina-sama, make them do the butt dance again!"
A single Komekko-like doll popped out of the ground.
"Glub! Bubble bubble bubble..."
However, Regina is looking very alert.
This time, the doll is… Glowing red and radiating warmth.
"Uh-uhm, I think we might actually be in trouble…"
Rorisa said, pointing at the ground.
I looked below…
The ground is beginning to crack, revealing more and more glowing-hot Komekko dolls, ready to burst out any second.
"Pop! Glub glub glub… Sizzle…!"
The voices are getting almost deafening now…!
"Er… Ha, hahahaa! This is… not exactly what I had envisioned, but it will do. Enjoy your hot bath while I, the great Savior, take care of the divine matters. Farewell-, I gave you plenty of chances."
"...You just can't stop thinking about her, a young teen, can you? Iris, Revi, watch out!"
Rorisa swiftly grabbed Komekko and took to the air.
If only I had working wings too-
"Iris, here! [Grapple shot]!"
-Before I could mentally complain, Revi princess carried me in the most uncomfortable way possible and pulled me towards the ceiling.
He must've been waiting for such a moment this whole time…!
...But I'm thankful, because the ground beneath us almost immediately crumbled as a sea of fiery Komekkos engulfed it.
Dammit, Iris, control your expression. In times like this, look stoic and serious. Do not under any circumstance-
"Hee hee, you're blushing, princess!"
"Shut up and do something about this! We're going to get cooked!"
"H...hey, I can't help it when these Komekkos's are so hot ok!?"
...Oi.
Rorisa flew past us, carrying Komekko underneath her.
"T-this is bad, the heat is rising an...and…"
We were already sweating profusely.
If we don't do something and fast we...we….wait what is that guy doing?!
"Haaah, this epic death wizard uniform is really well insulated… haaaaaahhh…"
He was clearly doing worse then we were, standing on a clearing amidst the little blazing hot doll girls.
"Ahh, well...the Devil does not specialize in ice magic...[Niflheim Rising]!"
A wave of cold elemental magic flowed from her hands to the floor.
...Isn't that the 'Freeze Gust' spell?
"D-don't look at me like that! The original name wasn't nearly cool enough for a grand Devil such as me."
"I-if you say so…"
Thanks for saving us, at least.
The temperature is dropping nicely.
"How could you just…!? Ah, ahem. Phew, that was refreshing. The Great Savior is thankful for your concern, but I think I'm truly, truly done playing around now."
And then, he performed a sequence of scary exotic dance moves.
Not scary in that it's creepy, but because it looks so ridiculous that I'm worrying for his mental stability.
"Iris, Revi, I think I have to decrypt you two right now. He always dances before upgrading his attacks. If we want to stand a chance, we'll need your original powers. Miss Komekko, Miss Succubus, please keep him dancing for as long as possible! Marion, Clathra, let's get this done fast! [Decrypt]-"
Ah, I hate fainting-
Part 3
A moment later…
I felt a sudden surge of optimism and purity.
I tried to move my body.
My body felt…
Lighter. As if I got younger and lost weight at the same time.
That was confirmed when I opened my eyes; the armor I had worn all this time now appears noticeably looser-fitting,
But more alarmingly, the familiar light blue border around my peripheral vision had disappeared; instead, it turned golden.
...So, this is my old body huh.
It feels natural… yet unfamiliar. As if a part of me went missing.
"Your Highness, you're back! are you alright? Pfft, yeah of course you are. What? Thought I'd turn back to being respectful towards you? Tough luck, princess!"
…This guy…
"[Exter…"
My sword started to vibrate and emit a familiar glow.
"Woah woah! Careful not to kill me for real! My dad will never forgive you and your nation will be in debt forever!"
"Did you also think I'd go back to being graceful? Not a chance! You failed your training, by the way."
"Yeah, no. Judging by your performance, I don't think I needed any training from you. In fact, I've just decided to learn from Komekko-chan who saved our asses on multiple occasions."
Amidst our argument…
"O artifact of creation, bring unto me [Divine Destroyer Armor]!"
Makemake seems to have started chanting.
Shining clouds of mana exploded into the air around him as he spread his arms wide.
"Everyone, fall back now! Come to me!"
T-this isn't good. Regina's called to us in a terrified voice all of the sudden.
Eh, Just what is happening?
Is all this a massive joke or is he actually that strong?
"Just what's the deal, what's happening!? The Devil is curious! Perhaps this hopeless guy actually has potential!?"
We quickly gathered around Regina.
"Listen up, that right there is the real reason Norse fell! It destroyed all the countermeasures and defenses we had setup. All our own barriers collapsed and anyone and anything remaining after the destroyers rampage was massacred by it."
T-this sounds bad.
Like-
-Really really bad!
We should… uh, 'GTFO'… right now!
Rorisa, too, is shaken by the development.
"I-I I think it's time for a tactical retreat! We can escape right? Komekko, Regina-sama, at least one of you can teleport right?!"
"It seems that he has isolated this cavern from the rest of the world…using some bootleg of my [Omnithread] skill. Teleportations are currently impossible. We have to outlast it somehow…"
"Bwahahahahahahah!"
Er…
That guy looks like he's just about done powering up...it's…
"Hey, doesn't that closely resemble a dullahan's armor? Just..bigger...and glowing with magic runes and..oi...is that legendary coronatite in the white hot glowing chest piece!? My lord let's go get him, that's got to be worth a fortune!"
Okay, we need a plan.
A really good one.
…
"Oi, Iris, what are you doing, are you crazy, don't throw your life away uwaaaa!"
I went up to the pompous prototype.
Sometimes, diplomacy is the best answer.
That's what my royal upbringing has taught me.
"Excuse me, Mr. MakeShift? Perhaps we can come to an… understanding? The brat over here has loads of money back home, or maybe you would like to become a state sponsored adventurer or even be given a peerage?"
Not that I meant any of that.
I am a noble, and a high ranking royal.
It's expected that 'negotiation' is lying through our teeth, right?
Of course, once he lets his guard down, I would unleash the ultimate sneak-attack…
"Oh yes! That certainly sounds nice… I've always loved adventuring! Oh the thrill, the joy!"
Wow, that went better than expected.
Maybe I should go along for a while more, perhaps this can be resolved peacefully.
"Very well then! Now, if you would just drop the isolation barrier, we can-"
Boom.
"Iris, watch out! He's got heat rays!"
… This guy!
He tried to ambush me!
And here I thought Kazuma was the only one with these underhanded tactics.
"HA HA HA! Negotiating with me!? I already had a kingdom on its knees. No thanks, Miss self-proclaimed princess. I'll have you clearly know that I was the man who single-handed defeated a goddess, and I'm going to kill you all now, good luck."
Thankfully, I instinctively dodged the blow.
"Well then, without further ado- [Sacred * Explode]!"
The room was instantly filled with a blinding flash.
Not a single being has been able to withstand this skill in my memory.
… Not even myself, apparently; as casting it this close has blinded and deafened me!
Temporarily, I hope.
And out of nowhere, I felt a huge force unlike anything I've felt before hit me.
I heard, no, felt a loud bang, followed by weightlessness.
"Oi, oi ,oi ,oi! I got her!"
"Good catch, Rorisa!"
"Grrr…...The Devil is now veeeery pissed! ...I'll take you on, Mr. Mackintosh!"
I..I Think that's what they were saying.
I can't exactly tell if the voices are real or just my hallucination.
And I cannot feel my chest.
And I cannot breathe…!
Maybe I should sleep for a while…
When I woke up, I was greeted by…
"Welcome to Purgatory, noble. You've just died. Hopefully you've enjoyed your luxurious, wasteful life while it lasted-"
…Eris-kamisama!?
She looks somewhat different from what I was taught, the cleavage department in particular.
It seems that I have died for some reason, which is bad…
But why do you look so shocked?
"-Haah!? It's you! Oh no, this is bad, this is bad! How could you die? In battle, no less! Ughhh… I knew the whole thieving club was a big mistake…"
Wait, she knows me? And the thieving club?
"Ehh, Iris-san, this is a bit troublesome. Normally I send nobles directly to 'Heaven', but you… How should I put this…"
And this style of speaking…
…
"You are… too important to the plot to be killed off. I don't expect you to understand what that meant, but we have to- huh!?"
"B-Big boss… !"
I instinctively rushed forward into an embrace.
"Ehh!? Wh- so you know, huh… Either way, Kazuma better have an explanation for this…!"
"Kazuma-san has nothing to do with this… It's entirely my own… hubris."
Though in my defense, surviving a [Sacred Explode] isn't an easy feat to pull off.
This is very bad, my friends are probably freaking out right now.
I have to somehow resurrect…!
"Look, although I'm the goddess of this world, I don't exactly have free reign over the dead. I only have the right to judge how a deceased shall be sent, and let the Angels handle the rest. In Kazuma's case, Aqua was able to resurrect him. As for you…"
Our group does have a healer;
But that healer is me and I certainly cannot resurrect.
"Does that mean, I cannot go back? But what else can we do? You said I was too important to die… or something like that…"
Ah, this is bad.
I can feel tears coming out.
I...
I actually died a virgin!?
I even had a whole week unsupervised, in a rented body and I didn't even get to fool around a bit?!
What a tragedy!
I can't help but weep at having had such a wasteful life.
…Calm down, you sissy! You're a big wild adventurer girl now, not some china doll!
"H-hey, don't feel bad! I'm sure I can arrange something with the Angels or even other goddesses… There…there…"
If only Aqua-sama knew about this…
...
Wait, other goddesses… Does that include-
"Hellooooo, Eris? Iris? Is this thing still working? (cough cough)"
Regina-sama!?
"Ehh, that voice… wait, I remember you! When I was still a new goddess… Could it possibly be? Is it you!?"
"Yes, yes, It's been a long time, Eris-chan. I know we have a lot to discuss but as you can see, we have a problem."
Wait, problem? Am I the problem!?
At least with her help, I can get back in the fight! Just cast resurrection on me an-
"Long story short, I made a… questionable decision that eventually ended up killing poor Iris here. Since I don't have the ability to resurrect, I'll-"
What?!
Goddess, Cha-nge!
"Wait, don't hang up yet! I know I've done a lot of pretty disagreeable things, but we'll have to work together to save the plot here. Listen, while I can't resurrect her body, I can keep it in stasis until we can get a proper high priest to resurrect it… more importantly-"
Just cut to the chase!
"-I can switch you into the encrypted body, which is still healthy. In addition, since my current body… isn't optimized for fighting… I'll give you access to all my goddess skills! For as long as my wizards can empower you."
Hmm, this might not be such a bad situation after all.
In fact, I am feeling kind of excited for what I might be able to do with the power of a literal goddess!
I… will accept this compensation. For now.
"Yeah, that sounds good. Let's get going!"
"-But I must remind you; until your real body has fully healed, not even I can switch you back. You may be stuck with blue hair for months, perhaps years…"
…
So, she's going to give me superpowers and extend my vacation in return.
…
It was here and now, that in my heart I seriously decided to treat Regina-sama as a wish granting genie.
I'm going to be having a load of fun with my rented body this time. Not making the same mistake again.
"Sounds good. Let's go Big Boss, send me over to Regina-sama!"
Sorry Big Boss…
...I'm coming to meet onii-sama.
Just as soon as I kick this guy's ass!
I'm definitely shooting for MVP this time.
No one kills a princess and gets away with it.
"Hmmm… Alright, since you seem willing, I'll trust Regina this time. Off you go-"
And with that, my vision filled with light.
"Look, Eris-chan, please just put our differences behind and hear my end of the story while Iris-san fights the First Crimson-"
Part 4
...
"Iris! Iris, please wake up… I just gave you all my mana-"
My vision eventually cleared, and I found myself staring up into Regina and Rorisa's faces.
"Bwahahah! Your resistance only makes my codpiece harder! Check out my flying skills! Destroyer armor, fire your beams at will!"
H-he's actually flying through the air while firing some kind of energy beams!?
"Guh! Impressive, very impressive, but the Devil has more tricks to show you yet!"
An utterly ridiculous, flashy bout of powers was destroying what was left of this facility before our eyes.
…
And even our cute (superficial) Devil was barely holding him back!
She can't possibly keep this up for long…
"Iris! You're back!? Sweet-I mean, wow I can't believe you cast an explosion inside a cavern! Were you out of your mind!? You almost gave me concussion! Smoke screen bolt!"
Oh, glad to see Revi's helping as much as he could.
"Now, my wizards will [Empower] you. When you see the temporary skill points, spend them all on the new skills!"
Ahh, Rorisa… don't stroke my head like a sick child, I only died.
"Take this! The Arch Devil's own secret finisher, [Vanir-Style Death Ray]!"
A bright beam shot out from her right eye, but it didn't even leave a mark on the Destroyer Armor.
...I'm pretty sure that's not Vanir-san's skill. Merely some kind of intermediate light magic…
"Hah..hah...ahh… The Devil is...very tired… "
Makemake strutted up, pompously.
"That was a brilliant light show, you have talent… I like talent… Maybe my descendents weren't that worthless after all."
Implying you made those descendents...
"Ehh!? The Devil Can't hear you! The explosion from earlier must have deafened me! Come a little closer… closer… ehe…"
Ahh, she's doing the cutesy act again, so that means-
"I said, I liked talent, and that maybe you aren't that… Haaah!?"
I can't believe he fell for it even after all this.
"EAT HOT CLAWS, LASER BREATH!"
Hoost might put up a good fight, but even he might not be able to match this idiot.
"Woah! I had the feeling that you loved to roleplay as unholy beings but this is ridiculous!"
"THE NAMES HOOST, I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU THE BOOT!"
With a sickening crunch, the spectral demon kicked the destroyer suit across the room, crashing into a bulkhead and collapsing the ceiling overhead.
"MUWAHAHAHAHAAH! That's what you get for … eh? Did I win?"
Komekko blinked.
"Huwa… I'm… going to nap for a while."
Ahh, that same adorable sound as she hits the ground from mana exhaustion.
...
Did we win?
The rubble across the room shifted.
Of course not.
And that's why I'm here!
"Archwizards, [Empower]!"
With one command, I suddenly sense my (fake) adventurer's card glowing…!
I quickly took it out and saw-
[Equalize], max! [Akashic Transfusion], max! [Shadowthread], max!
Maybe battlepriest isn't such a bad class after all.
I don't know what any of those skills do, but I will soon find out!
"Regina, I trusted that you were going to be a good sport and not interfere while I disposed of these fodders… Do you wish to watch history repeat itself? Eh little girl of puppetry? It'll end much faster this time around, I promise you. Alternatively…I can make it last much longer!"
W-what a creepy face!
Having been a professional loli for the last 12 years of my life, I can confirm that this guy is up to no good.
Therefore… It is about time I returned the favour.
"Uhm… ! [Shadowthread]!"
I shouted the coolest sounding skill directly at the villain!
Now, please do something amazing!
…
Eh!?
A purple thread shot out of me and…
Pulled him straight towards me!?
"Oof!" x2
"Hooh? W-Wait a moment. I suspected that you had an affinity for strong, big brother-like characters, possibly due to the loss of one early in your life. This is way too intimate. Look there, priest doll, I'm more interested in Ms. Kom- I mean, Regina over there."
Is this bad or is this supposed to happen?
I feel like a kid playing with the calibur all over again.
"Hehehe. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, Makeman."
I really hope it's the latter-
"Oh, that's what you all think, is it? Well… Allow me to demonstrate the Destroyer Armor's close-quarters defense capabilities! Bring out the driller beam!"
Ahhh, this does not sound pleasant at all.
In fact, it sounds sexually violent!
"Iris, hang in there! It appears that Mr. Mac has been immobilized! We will attack with all our might! … Of course, as tempting as it might be, we'll avoid hitting you to the best of our ability."
All your might… huh.
But Komekko, our main carry, is asleep and Rorisa…
"Sigh, this is very troublesome… Most of my support abilities have no effect on him. Even [Charm] just alters his creations slightly. What shall I do… Ah, maybe I can-[Euthanize]!"
Euthanize?
Who? Me!? Oi, I just revived minutes ago!
"Before you ask, don't worry! It only makes you not feel pain! Just in case, you know…"
Rorisa pointed to something above me.
Crap! The beam has begun to carve away at me!
… Indeed, I do not feel any pain…
But still, I need to do something quick! I cannot die a virgin arch-battleprist! The first of my kind in a long time!
"[E-[Equalize]!"
I shouted another random new skill.
Because, well, it sounded like I'd get all his abilities or something.
"-Ahh."
But instead, I felt an extremely pleasurable wave wash over my body…
The burns from the beam attack disappeared!
So this skill heals me huh…
… And it feels quite nice too.
"That skill, huh. Don't get too excited, it'll only delay your eventual death! Destroyer armor, go after the sleeping one!"
This is not good!
Wait, if I let her get scared then save her at the last second… Maybe she'll be grateful and think of me as some sort of a savior figure?
Nah, no time to risk that sort of maneuver.
Makemake hovered high into the air and began charging his heat ray…
"[Shadowthread]!"
You will have to get literally through me first!
Whoosh~
"-Eh!? Again!? My child you are too foolish and stubborn!"
The string rapidly pulled me in front of him.
"Komekko! Wake up! [Mana boost]!"
"...Zzzzzz…"
Crap, my beginner mana buff was nowhere near enough to wake her up.
"Don't worry, I got this. 'Mananite shot'! ...Wait what? My special arrows don't get the skill brackets anymore!? Single quotes are so lame…"
Revi said something strange before shooting at… Komekko!?
…
The arrow head just dissolved into Komekko's body.
To enter her this easily… these arrowheads must be the work of a true evil mastermind.
"... zzz… fwah-hahh… Did we win yet? Did I ascend?"
No, but I did. For a brief moment.
"You're awake? Excellent. Now witness me blast you into juice! Destroyer armor, launch the bombs!"
A small hatch opened on top of the armor and a stream of black balls shot into the air.
"Komekko, just teleport! Teleport somewhere under the rubble or… Anywhere you can! Now! If you don't do it, I'll never give you food or bathe with you again!"
Revi cut in quickly.
"Hah!? Wha- O-okay! [Teleport]!"
"Everyone cover your ears!"
…!
This is going to be loud isn't it…
I'll close my eyes too just in case.
Wait, now that think about it, what did Revi say about bathing again-
Boom x100
Ring-
The room shook as even Makemake was blasted away with me.
"W-wow… By Wolbach, that was loud… Almost as loud as your Sacred Explode earlier."
…I'll take that as a compliment, succubus-chan.
"Going after the small one first, huh? I see that you've not changed at all over the last 400 years."
Regina-sama, I don't think you should be making remarks like these while you're weak!
"Oh really? I was merely using a strategy! Taking out the weaklings first dwindles your numbers; after that, I'll be able to focus on just you! See, I'm not as dumb as you think!"
E-eh?
Are you really sure you aren't dumb, Mack-san?
Judging by my experiences, Regina is the one of the weakest here…!
Judging by their clothing and stalfs, her personal archwizards don't seem to be combat oriented either.
With Komekko out, that means-
"Oh no! I'm only a helpless priest… Yet I'm stuck to your armor! Please don't target me next, I almost (already) died once, it felt horrible!"
-It'll be in our best interest to keep his attention on me.
"Hey, it's not like I'm not swatting you like a fly because you are clinging to me and I think that's kinda hot or anything. Just wait till I clear out the crowd and we can get real intimate. Oh, while you still can, check out the codpiece. It ain't just for show."
D-did the armor just wink at me!?
This guy is more of a scumbag than Kazuma!
But… I have to take this for the team.
"Intimate? Why wait? We can get intimate now! Look, I'll beat you!"
I started punching the armor.
Obviously, it'll deal no damage. The point is to aggro him sufficiently so that he won't harm the others.
"Ahahahaha! Mmm, good, keep beating. I like it a lot! In fact, I'll kill you last. Now, let's see… Succubus-chan!"
…Great, he officially has a crush on me.
"Ehh!? '-chan'? Why are you acting so familiar all of the sudden?"
"You've been trying hard to stay relevant, but all you've done is make this cute priestess unable to feel pain. How is she going to feel my intimate duel after you're all dead? Aha, guess I spoiled it for you. I'm gonna kill you first."
"H-hey, just so you know, we are capable of giving custom dreams you know! If an 'intimate duel' is what you're looking for, I can augment the experience for you!"
"Oh? You mean, those kind of dreams? Haha, too bad, I, the great crimson demon, am not phased by worldly desires. But just out of the pure and simple curiosity for magic, could you demonstrate a little?"
"S-sure! Just take off your helmet for a second so my magic can reach your head… I also need to change into my work uniform, so please look away for a second…"
Wow, what a genius plan.
I should help out.
…By climbing onto his helmet.
"Hey hey, Make-niisan! No looking unless you take off your helmet!"
Rorisa slipped the collar of her dress off her shoulders.
Ah, she's been wearing her regular outfit underneath the whole time…
I wonder what she's been preparing for…!
"That's right! And, my body curves are quite similar to hers, too!"
Just now, she winked down at Revi.
"What!? Rorisa, you're ditching me!? I thought we had something! How could you just sell yourself to this villain!"
And now he turns to me…
"You too! I thought we were friends! You never called me nii-san! Snap out of it!"
Well, that's true.
Primarily because I already have someone I call "nii-san". Used to, at least.
…
I felt a nudge!
"Mmmmhmmm! Veeery good! It's a deal then, let me see how this dream thing works…"
He's actually taking off the helmet!?
Will it be this easy!?
Rorisa's dress has slid off her body and fallen to the ground.
And Makemake's helmet also…!
"...Now it is! [Shadowthread]!"
I gave the signal.
"[Charm]!"
"[Explosive bolt]! Oh hey, the brackets returned!"
Pop.
…
"Muahahaha! Did you think I would really leave my vital area undefended!? That's a rookie mistake! Boom, second helmet! Now all of you are in big trouble! Nice midriff by the way, succubus-chan, even more sculpted than this human's."
…
"Alright, destroyer armor, that bow child tried to hurt me. Pound him!"
Crap, that ended poorly.
I have to defend the prince now.
"Rorisa, CATCH!"
"Ehhhh!? C-Coming!"
I let go and quickly found myself in the arms of the now much more agile succubus.
"...Sorry, Iris-san. I tried…"
"It was a very practical idea. You did well. But for now, I need to block that-"
A giant spike protruded from the palm of the armor.
"-giant bolt thing! Put me in its path! Quick!"
"But you'll-"
"Just do it! You'll see my plan soon enough!"
That's right.
I'm going to abuse the hell out of Regina's skill.
"Hey, despite what I said earlier about you, I unfortunately still won't avoid killing you. Get out now, or face the pain-"
Boom-
THUNK-
-I found myself rapidly flying back.
Thankfully, Rorisa found her balance before I hit the boy behind.
"Iris! Your… Body!"
What a perverted phrase to yell in this situation-oh.
The giant spike had punched through my whole chest and is now embedded halfway.
"Heh… J-jokes on… you… [E-[Equalize]."
Phew, I almost died before I used that.
Instantly, the giant spike turned translucent and appeared to be absorbed by my body.
"Y-you recovered again! Revi, now! [Create water]!"
"Got it! Let's try this thing out… [Bind spell]! [Spellbound bolt]!"
Huh!?
…Right, Rorisa is a part-time beginner wizard.
The arrow shot directly into the spike-hole on the armor's palm.
"[Freeze]!"
…The classic Kazuma Combo! To think a succubus had mastered it… Just who is she to Kazuma-san!?
"Ahhh!? H-how annoying. Worry not, my armor has a plenty of tricks up its sleeves. And torso. And leggings. And-pretty much everywhere with holes! That's right, destroyer armor! Autobattle!"
The ice has disabled the palm launcher…
…If only there was a way to get water or fire inside the suit.
"Rorisa, Revi, I'm sure you know what my plan is at this point. Circle around him, I'm sure his suit has an air inlet somewhere!"
"Got it, Your Highness. Hey! Robot! Please attack that succubus! You've seen how strong she is, I'm the weakest in this place!"
Revi started running around.
"[Speed buff] [Stamina buff]! [Stamina buff] for you too!"
"Running now, are we? More than one of you ought to be running from this!"
"He's using the bombs again! Fly me on top of him!"
"[Equalize]!"
"[Create water]!"
"[Bind spell], [Spellbound bolt]!"
"[Freeze]!"
Ahhh, that's another weapon blocked.
Disabling all his weapons would take too long…
If I unleashed all the absorbed damage now, it might not be enough.
For now, I'll just have to take more hits…!
The fight went on.
"Nice strategy you have going on there, but I'm afraid you'll all be toast before my beautiful armor got crippled. A shame, since three of you are total …er, 'servant' material!"
"Hey mister, I don't swing that way!"
"Who ever mentioned anything about you, bow boy? I was talking about the red-eyed hott- uh, cutie! I think she'd make a great wi- servant!"
"To think a magic genius (psychopath) like Megumin descended from you…! Aren't you supposed to be good at magic? Yet, you're only abusing this relic!"
"Really now!? You can just look at this impressive codpiece and say I have no magic powers?"
Ugh, him and his codpiece.
"Rorisa, left! … [Equalize]!"
Crack.
"Ehh? Iris, the core! The coronite core dimmed a little!"
What?
We've frozen several more weapons, but freezing shouldn't do that much damage…
"Wait, Regina-sama! What exactly does 'Equalize' do?"
"Ah, I meant to tell you this earlier. It tries to balance the life force between everyone near you. Your party has been draining a lot of energy out of the miniature coronite core, so it dimmed…"
That is… GREAT news!
"What about the last skill? The 'Akashic transfusion'? It sounds similar to 'Akashic discharge'..."
"Ah, that skill can store damage taken by anyone including yourself to be unleashed on anything of your choosing. You've been using it all this time-"
"[Akashic transfusion]!"
Sounds simple enough. Simple enough to use it right away.
"!?"
Ha, you screwed up now.
The armor began to crack…
The magic circles and mana traces covering the destroyer armor flickered and supputered out as the damage was applied, totally bypassing the barriers.
"[Greater Explosive bolt], more [Greater Explosive bolt]!"
Crack, crack-
"Ah, letting a boy undress you… Perhaps you want THAT other kind of service. Although it's not my expertise, I will try to recreate it."
Hmm, he seems truly stunned now.
"W-what!? Wait, how did that even happen? I-I demand a rematch! Just watch, I'll summon something even stronger-"
"Iris, the relic! Grab it!"
Gotcha, Regina-sama!
"[Shadowthread]!"
Part 5
Suddenly, I found myself in another place.
Everything is burning!
I'm alone in the middle of… buildings? Tall buildings?
Where the hell is this!?
Wait, something is moving in the distance…
Is that-
The shadow looked like a giant spider.
-That has to be the mobile destroyer fortress!
Then that means…
"Iris,"
A female voice echoed around me.
She sounds like… Regina?
"Can you see it? My memories."
Wait, YOUR memories?
This has to be Norse, the fallen kingdom!
Does that mean, you were from-
"Yeah, I can. Isn't this Norse?"
"Indeed. Now, look into the distance; see if you can find him."
…
"You mean that guy laughing maniacally at the top of the tallest, burning structure?"
"Y-you didn't even turn to look…"
I know the type.
"So, this embarrassing guy is the missing piece of history?"
"Indeed, my nation met its end to an extreme, fatal case of over inflated involuntary celibacy."
…
You mean, he was the sole reason? That idiot?
"I mean, it was cute and all when he confessed but-"
"So he was always a lolicon?"
"Ah?! No well...look over there."
There, trying desperately to halt the destroyer, stood a much taller, bustier Regina-sama.
She's quite womanly...no rather-
-I'm jealous AF!
I guess the right looks can get you anything you want.
"Aww, maybe I should start from the beginning…"
?
My view shimmered and shifted.
The scene changed. This time, I was in an alley.
"And that, fellow Norse, was how your sacred goddess literally slept with two devils at the same time. It could have been worse, she could have raped me instead! I escaped narrowly! Would you trust a literal prostitute to rule your nation?"
Standing on a wooden desk was Makemake, speaking in front of a small crowd of people.
Wait, is he making it up or did Regina…
The scene changed again.
This time, I was in the middle of a square, next to Makemake.
"...If you dug in the ancient libraries, you might come across this one called 'Liberum Divinus', an encyclopedia of all holy beings. It's the only book ever written by a divine being, an anonymous, young one at that. In there, you see all the currently known gods and devils, old or young. If you flip through the pages, you can see that most of them had two powers, not just one. Here, on page 81, it reads '...of Moisture and Negligence, of Clairvoyance and Beams, of Revenge and Control...' Now, it doesn't mention the names we're used to, but it's easy to guess which one is associated with 'revenge'. 'Revenge'... sounds awfully like vengeance, huh? And what's that about control!? Of course you wouldn't know this, because you're the ones getting manipulated!"
The crowd was visibly bigger than the last scene. The people are a lot more animated, too.
It's hard to imagine that an idiot like Makemake can garner such a following.
"Iris, do you think I'm evil?"
Well, evil is a strong word.
There are two sides to most people, even Kazuma-san.
"Well, I'm associated with people more evil than you, and I'm the princess. So, I'd say you're fine…"
"...Really?"
The scene changed again. There's Makemake, on the top of a church.
"...Remember, we want justice, not vengeance! Transparency, not manipulation! Give your faith to me, for I know the way better than her. Further, I won't spend most of my time dating devils!"
The crowd, extending to the edge of my vision, roared.
But even then, he shouldn't be able to overthrow someone who's been governing for hundreds of years.
"The fact that you gave me all these powers… is proof enough that you are a good goddess."
…
What's this scene,
A group of people drinking after work?
Makemake and… Who's this ugly old bearded guy?
"You see, the issue with your actualization ability is the limits of your own mind! Imagination, you lack imagination!"
"No rather, we even managed to acquire a sample of real coronotite, yet…..aggg!"
"S...stop! Your hair is falling in my drink...ahh! It took me two hours to convince the bartender to give that one for free! I mean, what can you make reliably with that thing anyway? What exactly is your mind filled with? "
"In scientific terms, Items Bearing Depraved and Sexual Mechanics. (iBDSM)"
…
This guy could have been Kazuma-san's ancestor and it'd all make sense.
"Yikes. Who is this old man? What is this ability they're talking about?"
"He was a hero, reincarnated into Norse to defeat the Demon King. His special skill was to create anything he could think of. I regret giving this to him deeply."
No way! The ability to create literally anything… Not dangerous at all!
And somehow, the Demon King still lives.
"Listen, listen (burp), what if you like...I don't know...used that power to actualize the power? So, you know… anyone can make whatever they want? That'd be so cool man… I'd be able to walk around with like, this giant bloody codpiece. All the ladies are gonna love it! Some coronite ain't crap compared to that, right Mr 'Head of Norse Research and Development'? Hahahaha."
"...Hold my beer. You underestimate the power of sexualization(burp), I mean actual-"
"Wait, that's illegal! How could a hero's unique power re-manifest itself!? Isn't that against the rules!?"
Regina's voice called out again;
"...Well, it wasn't illegal at that time. That was certainly a breakthrough for the goddess society: don't give perks that can self manipulate."
Before Makemake, something appeared.
A necklace.
"Is it just me, or does that look like…a pair of panties? ...With a crotch cutout?"
Regina did not comment.
…So that's how he successfully overthrew a goddess. With some campaigning and a panties necklace.
As the people lost faith in her, she grew weaker, and Makemake was able to eventually defeat her.
And there was nothing she could have done to stop the Destroyer Fortress.
All because her own people have turned against her.
…
The ruins faded back into focus.
A surge of burning hatred flowed through me…
In my right hand, a pair of metal panties.
Wearing it, a shocked and fearful Makemake.
"H-haha, even then, you cannot destroy it. It was designed to be indestructible; otherwise, I would have destroyed it long ago!"
That's where you're wrong, kiddo-
"O relic of creation, please create air in my right hand."
Hey everyone!
Thanks for sticking with us, i know our update rate is kinda...next to nil.
...
Next Chapter!
"Final Chapter - Faith for This Tragic Goddess!"