WARNING: This chapter discusses: abuse, religion, abortion, and uses offensive language.
It was as if every blue petal had been sacrificed, had been crushed and squeezed into the piercing blue neon lights so it could shine brighter than any moon or star above and below my bed. The pivoting panels with ribbon glass and lined with wood surrounded my floating bed in the shape of an octagon. I always left halfway open giving a nice voyeuristic atmosphere to this moment and the bed frame was mounted securely into the wall adding to the enchanted effect. It sat clear across the other side of the front door, teasing the person lucky enough to step foot in my loft that at any minute, someone could slide it open and see them taking it on their hands and knees. Or perhaps we'd be spotted through the large arch windows that I kept open, flaunting and teasing the public of my escapades.
I wound my hand around a fistful of deep brown hair, pulling back and bringing the woman to her knees. Our sweaty skin moved softly together like the finest silk, "I could keep you here for days," I said lowly, my voice heavy and laden with nothing but arousal. A beautiful black diamond holy rosary cross necklace hung off her throat, moving with the rhythm of our sweat bodies.
Sliding an arm around her I immediately worked the nipples of my fuck-buddy for the night, with both my hands as we faced the large mirror that hung above the headboard. I took my time sixteen minutes on the right, fourteen on the left as I sucked her neck with such passion that she'd likely have a hickey tomorrow that she'd have to cover with make-up. Again she let out a soft groan, working hard to keep her moans down.
"Why are you so quiet?" I whispered against her neck moving to trap her earlobe between my teeth and softly roll the captive flesh between them.
"Y-Your neigh-" her body jerked against mine and a gasp filled the loft, "-bors!"
"Oh how considerate of you." I sarcastically replied before grazing my hand down her chest, over the rosary beads and firmly gripped the cross, "You're a woman of faith?"
Her head bowed back over my shoulder in response, neck tight and straining as if she were in pain. I made my way down to her warmth with both hands, my left sliding over her swollen clit and used a couple fingers from the right to slide in her wet heat from behind. Her body went limp, leaning all of her weight against me, letting me have my way.
She let out a loud whimper and rolled her hips again, making my fingers hit her clit especially hard while simultaneously driving the other's deeper into her pussy. That only spurred her on more as her jaw clenched while she moaned in the back of her throat and the floodgates had opened because she couldn't stop pleading for more. I rubbed her clit slowly and teasingly, watching her mouth part in pleasure, her eyes nearly closing as her body jerked once more.
"Please, I'm so close." She begged, her voice filled with desperation.
Just as I rubbed her clit a little faster and curled my fingers inside her tight heat an approving moan reached my ears, I lowered my head to the junction between her neck and shoulder. While her panting and raucous moans continued with almost no interval in between and her walls tightened around my fingers I knew she was almost there, lifting my fingers off her clit altogether.
"Emma-" she breathlessly started to protest. I sunk my teeth into her skin just as I pressed firmly on her clit and it was enough because her back completely arched, her head bowed, and a long triumphant moan soared from her mouth as her body shook violently. My fingers coaxed her through the rest of the orgasm, still applying some pressure for the aftershocks until she sagged against my body. Slowly I laid us both down on the bed, her diamond cross twinkling under the neon lights, "That was incredible. I feel like I just saw the face of God."
I chuckled lowly, sitting up on my elbows as I looked deep in her eyes, "And her name was Emma Swan." Pushing myself off the mattress I stood to take a quick shower but she caught my hand, halting my movements. Dragging her body off the bed she got down on her knees, placing a hand on either side of my hip. Automatically I spread my legs, allowing her access and dove a hand into her flowy hair guiding her towards my center. She moved ever so fucking slowly until finally her warm mouth enveloped my clit, sucking gently before flicking her tongue across it.
I gasped as the pleasure ricocheted through me, forcing a loud, raw groan from my throat and I couldn't help but roughly grind against her eager and willing mouth.
Yes…
The face of God indeed.
Her fingers moved, deeply kneading my sore muscles before one of her hands moved to my inner thigh and slid inside of me. My body flared and waves of shock swam making words impossible. Broken moans and hard scratches against her skin were the only ways I knew how to vocalize what an amazing job she was doing.
Pleasure had wrecked me.
She began to slowly pump two of her fingers inside me as I grinded my hips against her face and gripped her hair in desperate want. Her tongue swirled around my center and I let out a moan followed by a string of curse words letting my grip on her hair crank down. I looked down and realized how much her hair looked like Regina's and surges of arousal burst through my stomach at the thought. My heart pounded rapidly against my chest that I could've sworn my insides were shaking. I let the tight hold I had on the locks below to examine them, and once I let Regina into my thoughts she never left. There she was, her wink when she was feeling playful, her perfect eyebrows scrunching when she was confused, her full lips, plump and ready for the taking.
The smooth work of the tongue continued to seek out my heat with no signs of stopping. My thighs began to shake and at the same time I tried to shake my head, ridding her image from my brain. But she wouldn't budge. Regina was going to stay there and she was going to make me cum. I leaned over to rest my hands against edge of the dresser and the God-fearing woman moved with me, leaning the back of her head against one of the drawers as she focused on my clit and pumped her fingers in and out of my pussy.
"Oh fuck." I managed out as I closed my eyes and thrust my hips against her in a frenzy. I couldn't focus on anything other than the way Regina smiled at me before she left my office, and it froze in my brain like I was looking at a still. My core flared like a blazing, destructive, uncontrollable fire until finally…
I came.
My hands flew to cup around the back of her neck pushing her mouth forcefully against my clit, hunching over slowly rocking into her as I rode out my orgasm. Once my breathing returned to a somewhat normal pace I let her go and stumbled back letting my body drop to my mattress. Slowly the woman stood, leaning down to kiss my lips passionately and I moaned again, tasting myself on her lips.
Pushing her back I sat up, running a hand through my hair staring at her intently, "Say no more." She said, holding up her hands in defense then picked up her sequence dress. I stood and hobbled to the closet, finding an oversized shirt that ended down at my mid-thigh. As we walked to the door I smiled; usually it takes a little convincing for a fuck buddy to leave but not her. I picked up the heels that were laying in the middle of the floor and handed them to her before sliding the heavy metal to the side. Resting my arm on the door I tilted my head, grabbed diamond cross and brought her lips to mine once again. She groaned, slipping her tongue in my mouth, letting a content sigh vibrate against my lips.
A light rumble echoed in the hallway, thinking it was us I smirked, but soon the whirring of machinery accompanied the noise along with the sound of young boys teasing and whining.
Oh no.
I pulled back, nudging my head to the hall. She nodded and stepped in hallway, reaching out to press the button.
"Do you mind taking the stairs?" I sweetly asked and she raised a curious eyebrow. Looked at the elevator then back at me, "I fear, this interaction won't be as pleasurable as the one we just had."
"Ah. Understood."
We said our goodbyes and I watched her walk down the stairs just as the elevator door opened, and two boys; one was eleven and the other nine stepped out, picking on each other as they ran in my loft. An older blonde woman stared at my outfit and rolled her eyes.
"Really?"
"Well if you'd call instead of dropping by unannounced you wouldn't be surprised." Stepping to the side I let her in, slamming the metal behind me, "Now, what do you want?"
"She's driving me out my fucking mind Emma," she immediately complained. Her two boys were bickering as they wrestled around my very expensive things. Oh yea. Did I forget to mention that this blonde woman is also my sister? Which makes her bratty, spoiled children my dipshit nephews.
"Well Elsa you could always poison her food. There's not a jury on Earth that will convict you. After all, they have mothers of their own."
"I have a better idea. You deal with her. You put up with her demands."
The sound of breaking glass reached my ears and when I looked in the direction of the noise my favorite vase that I bought in Tuscany, Italy was lying in a thousand tiny glittery fragments.
"I thought I told you to behave?" she yelled but neither of them ceased their movements.
"He did it!" Peter said, punching his younger brother's stomach, but not enough to do damage, "Bitch," he hissed.
"No he did it! Fucking fag!" Archie retorted, trying to scramble out of the bottom position.
My sister just held her hands out to the side as if they were possible to control.
I shot up from the barstool, knocking it over from the force and stomped to the two little fucks, grabbing Peter's ear yanking him then followed it with Archie, "Sit down and shut up. Or I'll make sure your balls never fucking drop."
Their eyebrows lifted and silently they trudged to my couch, sitting down on opposite ends of the furniture.
"I mean I do everything for her," Elsa continued, not even phased by the way I just talked to her boys. Though I shouldn't have to do this, they know I'm gay. Why wouldn't she correct them herself? "And did she appreciate it? Did she ever say thank you? Nothing is ever good enough for that woman, not to mention-" Oh jeez. With a sigh I set my forearm across my stomach, placing my left elbow on top of the hand below and rubbed my eyes. We're going to be here for a while, "That her drinking has gotten worse since dad divorced her."
"She's celebrating." I responded nonchalantly, grabbing a drink from my fridge and popped the top off with my teeth. I know it's bad for your teeth but who cares. I then walked to my coat closet and pulled out a broom and dustpan.
"Damnit Emma, you need to start driving her to the doctors, to get her hair done, to church."
"Fuck that!"
The boys chuckled earning a glare from their own mother, "Hush," she said to them then narrowed her eyes at me, "She's your mother too. You can't just stick me with her."
"It's worked so far."
"Well not anymore. I've looked after her, after both of them ever since we were kids while you were off scot-free. Now either you help Emma or swear she's all yours. All yours!" she shouted in my face and walked to the door, yanking it open and calling for her boys.
Fucking A.
I guess it wouldn't hurt to see ma tomorrow morning then be done in time to head of over to Eliot's. Shutting the door I walked to my bed and laid down, ignoring the mess in the living room. A small torn paper that was laying on the nightstand caught my eye and I reached over, smiling at the sight of Regina's delicate handwriting-a mix of legible cursive and beautiful print.
God damn it's early.
I rubbed my tired eyes with the back of my hand that clutched the bouquet of flowers that I brought for Ma then looked at my outfit; black Doc Martin's, dark blue, tight jeans, white crop-top, leather jacket, hair down and lightly curled. To bad this look is going to be wasted on today.
Kicking up the welcome mat I found the key rolling my eyes at one of the most overt hiding places and let myself in. From the floor, a weathered marriage of browns to the eaves that were their echo, the rustic house always had a way becoming home very quickly. Unfortunately the memories that went along with this home are the reason why I hardly visit. As I walk through the hallway there's a song in the walls that drop my spirits. Turning to the right I saw mom in the kitchen, drinking vodka straight out of the bottle. I leaned against the frame, simply observing.
"It's a little early, don't you think?" I asked. She sighed, dropping her head back as she grabbed the neck of the bottle taking another swig. Her short brown hair had grayed tremendously in my absence.
"Just something to calm my nerves, Chickey." Chickey, a pet name I've yet to grow out of. The same way Atlas will never grow out of Sonny Boy. I glided around her, propping myself up on the counter near the sink and handed her the flowers, "How long has it been?" Ma questioned.
"Last Christmas." I picked up the tiny antique radio that was still sitting by the toaster oven and fiddled with the knobs. She paused before answering, her eyes scanning over my appearance and I can see she's judging my outfit. Already I could hear the nagging, 'Why pay full price for a pair of jeans with holes in them'.
"That's right. You stayed for an hour and brought me flowers. The exact same ones you brought today." She pointed to a vase sitting on the dining room table, the dried, shriveled lilies and orchids have seen better days, "We better go. Don't want to be late." She said, taking a final drink of the alcohol and grabbed her purse. My head shot up as I raised a questioning eyebrow.
"For?"
"Church."
"Church?" I repeated because I'm not too sure I heard her correctly.
"Yes, Elsa said you would take me." Mom had a bit more life in her voice as she grabbed my car keys that I mistakenly placed by the bouquet. I could feel the flush creeping up my neck, along with the frustration that shot through me, "I never said that." I lowly whispered, "That sly cunt."
"Em-ma…" She scolded like I was five, "Do you have to use such language?"
"What happened to the eight o'clock Sunday night service?" Anything, let me try anything to get out of going today.
"I like Fridays now. It starts my weekend off right. Plus we have a wonderful new minister," she headed towards the front door slowing down when she didn't hear me follow her, "You coming?"
"Hell. No." I enunciated slowly, cocking my head to the side as I tightly crossed my arms over my chest.
"Fine. Then I'll go by myself." Before ma could even take a step she tripped over her own foot, but caught herself.
"You can't drive like that."
"Chickey I've managed quite well on my own without you, without anyone my entire life. Truly I can do it." Walking away from me the creak of the door opened signaling the start of my misery and my throat flared from the immense amount of annoyance building up. I let my arms fall to my lap before placing my mouth in the crook of my elbow, allowing a yell to force its way from my lungs and into the leather jacket.
Sliding off the counter I stomped to the door, pulling hard on the knob then slamming it shut with so much force that I know a picture or two clattered to the ground. When I walked out I saw her already sitting in the passenger's seat of my car, waving at me to hurry up. Grumbling under my breath long after I got behind the steering wheel I drove us to the church which luckily wasn't that far away. Well it was more like sped, I had some weird logic that if I got there faster we'd be able to leave earlier. In case you didn't know, that's now how church works.
We pulled inside the lot and to my surprise there were tons of people here for a Friday morning. Ma didn't even really wait for me to throw the car park before thrusting the door open and stepping out. I quickly gathered my phone and wallet and jogged to catch up with her. Immediately her hand gripped the inside of my bicep, pulling me to the chiming bells and most importantly, her friends. Ma made her rounds to the congregation, the cordial 'hello', 'how are you,' 'God bless,' so and so forth until she walked me inside to sit in the very first row.
It's interesting that the mighty churches were built from the cruel labors of the poor and gloried the costumed men who knew nothing of what love really calls us to do-to protect and serve with love, with empathy, with a will to see others as they are.
We slid down the row, my eyes taking me to the crucifix that stood tall on the stage, "Jesus. I told him to lay off the juicing." A gentle slap hit my arm and I looked over at my mother who was frowning at me.
"Behave yourself." She whispered, taking off her coat and lowering herself to the bench, "When was your last time in church anyway?"
"It's been a while."
"Well, whenever I come here I feel a sense of calm, peace," I glanced at the ceiling to see a large mural of The Resurrection, "knowing that I'm watched over," Near the stage was a statue of Mother Mary, "protected, safe."
"You know a security system would do the same job and in the long run would be a lot cheaper than all the money you've dropped into the collection plate over the years." But my advice fell on deaf ears.
"Wait until you see the new minister. I can't tell you what a great comfort they've been since your father left," I let my eyelids fall as I sighed heavily and dramatically, praying she'd stop talking so I could get through this sermon with the least amount of patronizing, "I mean I get calls and visits to make sure I'm alright. They've been like a third child to me."
"Well for their sake I sure hope you don't treat 'em like one."
"Oh look," she pointed to a woman in a black cassock with a purple stole. Her brown hair laid beautifully over her shoulders. Something about her seemed familiar but after a while everyone in this town looks the same. Ma and everyone else stood while I tried to relax in this uncomfortable pew. A tug to my jacket caught my attention and she brought me to my feet, whispering something along the lines of 'don't be rude'.
The minister stood in the middle of the stage, with her arms out wide, "To the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all."
As she nodded her head everyone else sat down but I stayed standing, suspended in shock as I stared at the woman in front of me.
Brief flashes of heated kisses under my messy covers, shaky muffled moans, the words that spoke of our impending orgasm, and the slow rise and fall of our chests as we came down from pleasure shined through my mind. I raised an eyebrow, realizing the irony of this whole situation.
"Good afternoon everyone," She started and finally I sat down next to ma, biting my lip but to no avail a chuckle slipped through and echoed around the church like the bell ringing every hour. Ma shot her head towards me and I cleared my throat afterwards, placing my hand over my mouth to try and cover the sound. But the smile didn't disappear.
Only I would somehow inadvertently fuck my mother's minister.
"Wasn't she wonderful?" Ma asked as we walked hand in hand out of the church. Oh she was wonderful alright, "Thank you for coming Em, it really means a lot to me. Before we leave I want you to say hello. I've told her all about you. I told her how successful and good looking you are. She's just dying to meet you," She dragged me around the bodies just chatting while the minister stood outside, shaking hands and giving hugs to people of the congregation. Mom let go of me to tap her idol on the shoulder, "Oh! Reverend Erin!"
Immediately 'Erin' spun around and embraced my mom in a hug. It was at this moment that I turned around not wanting to spoil the surprise, "Mary Margaret! You never miss a single service." I heard her say in that raspy, earthy voice. The sound of her broken groans played in my mind and heat coiled in my stomach.
"Not for the world! You'll never guess who's with me-my daughter."
"Oh that's wonderful." She responded. Hm, I bet she won't be that cheery once she realizes who I am.
"Emma this is Reverend Erin Kennedy." Ma introduced, spinning me around to face her. Instantly the Reverend's face turned white and eyebrows raised in surprise. Erin flinched at the sight of me, stepping back a half an inch.
"Reverend Kennedy," I started, sending her a crooked, knowing grin, "My mother has told me so much about. It's uncanny, but it feels like we've already met."
"Oh, excuse me, Ruth!-" Ma shouted, walking around me and over to one of her parcheesi friends. Sliding my hands in my pockets I tried to catch the fleeting eyes, "Great service." I commended.
"Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed today's message."
"I meant in my bedroom." I didn't even try to drop my voice, blowing her an air kiss even after some random church-goer stood in between us to congratulate her on the sermon. Pinching the leather of my jacket she pulled me off to the side, not quite out of earshot from everyone but certainly enough that someone had to strain to hear us.
"Look, I-I don't know what to say."
"Me neither. I've fucked practically everyone in this town, but this…" I let out a taunting almost cynical laugh, "is a first."
"Yea…I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything about what happened."
"You think I'm going to tell my mom?" I pointed to her, she was laughing with a group of older woman and realized that I can't remember the last time I saw her smile like that, "She doesn't even know that I'm gay. And I haven't talked to your boss in years, so don't worry Rev. Your secret is safe with me."
Without waiting for a reply I sauntered down the steps and headed to my car, smiling the whole way there. I guess church isn't so bad, who would've thought. I pulled out my phone and went to my messages, ready to text the gang about this hilarious incident.
"Emma!" I looked in the direction of my name being called, my eyes scanned the bodies crossing the street. Someone I didn't really recognize was waving at me. Uh who the fuck are you.
"Hey." I said with a smile, peering into the crystal blue eyes and gorgeous flow of her pixie cut brown hair. Immediately I shifted through the images of people I've slept with this month, tabulating a list of possibilities but didn't find her.
"Maddy." She said, softly grabbing the lapels of my jacket, and rubbed her thumbs over the leather, "I'm sure if you saw me naked it would jog your memory."
"I'm sure it would, but today I'm all booked up."
"Bummer," her right hand moved to my chest then slid up to cup behind my neck as she pushed herself up on the tips of her toes, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek, then one to my lips, "Maybe I'll get lucky and run into you at the baths." She whispered, sending me wink and walked away, much like Regina did yesterday in my office.
I felt something sharp and sudden I couldn't quite place from this familiar movement that reminded me of the chief's wife but chose to ignore it, "Emma." I spun around seeing ma rest against the passenger side of my car. Shit. Did she see me? After I unlocked the doors we both slipped inside and once the car was on I thought about turning the radio up so that the tense silence would be would be lightened in the slightest.
"Thanks for spending time with me today." I offered, glancing in her direction and Ma's body seemed to stiffen, "So, what, are you just not going to talk to me now?"
"Thank God your father doesn't know." She responded, sounding almost relieved.
"He does know. I told him before he left you." My tone was emotionless as I played with one of the rings on my finger.
"What about your sister?" I stayed quiet and that's when she finally looked at me, "So you've told everyone but me? You know it's a sin."
"That I fuck woman or that I didn't tell you?" I kept my eyes on the cars piling up at the redlight, the joggers enjoying the bits and pieces of sunshine that peeked through the clouds.
"You can make all the jokes you want. But the Bible makes it clear that you're going to hell. Maybe you should speak the Reverend. Pray with her and maybe she could help you," Pulling on the lever the passenger door popped open and she got out of the car, slamming it shut. Fuck, why is she always so damn dramatic. I rolled down the window and leaned over the center console.
"Ma, stop. How are you going to get home?"
"I'll take the bus, Emma." She simply stated and continued to walk out of the parking lot, that was now clear of vehicles. Closing my eyes I rested my head on the car seat taking in a deep exhale and letting out slowly, letting my lids drift back open. A figure walking along the stairs caught my attention and I looked over to see the Rev going back inside the church. Well if I'm going to hell then so is she. Turning off the car I stepped out and jogged to the entrance, flinging open the door to the church once I was near. I slid in the back pew, watching Erin sweep the inside.
"Hello Reverend," Erin hesitantly glanced up at the sound of my voice, a weary smile crossed her face. I rested my forearms on the bench in front of me and clasped my fingers together, leaning down to rest my chin on top of my hand. "I just came in for a few quiet moments of solace, to say a prayer or two."
"Well, then don't let me disturb you." Placing the broom off to the side she grabbed a stack of papers and set a few on one of the music stands on stage
"You see," I continued on, watching her every movement, "I have this terrible burden. Reverend sighed, shaking her head from side to side as if she knew I only came in to torment her.
"And what is that?"
"You see my mother just discovered that I'm a…homosexual. And she thinks I'm going to hell."
She shrugged one of her shoulders as she continued placing papers on the various music stands around her, "Well, that is a problem."
"But what she doesn't know is that her favorite, precious minister is also gay," Erin paused, frozen like a statue with her arm extended and paper hanging from her the tips of her fingers, "Not only that, and this is the part that you're never going believe," I stood from my spot and walked to the stage, up the four marble steps until I was just behind her, "I had her myself, down on her knees, squealing like a pig as I fucked her tight little pussy with my fingers."
Erin let the papers fall from her grip and spun around to face me, "I don't think this is the time, or the place to be having this discussion." She hissed with a slightly shaky tone. I narrowed my eyes at her answer and started to slowly shake my head.
"What would she say, if she knew that her favorite woman of God likes to eat pussy? What would she do if she knew her minister willingly and proudly let me fuck her face last night?"
"I understand your feelings of anger, of pain. But they have nothing to do with me or this church. They have to do with you and your mother."
I rolled my eyes and smirked, unamused by this preachy tone I was receiving, "You don't know shit about my mother."
Reverend interlocked her fingers, cocked her head to the side and pursed her lips, "I know more about her than you do. Because I spend time with her, I talk with her, and try to offer her some comfort."
"By telling her that I'm going to burn in hell? How hypocritical of you."
"I don't teach that lesson. I teach love. I teach truth."
"She shall know the truth and the truth shall set her free." I shot back, sarcastically.
"And what is the truth according to Saint Emma? What do you hope to accomplish with your truth? To destroy me, in which case you're no better than so called good religious people that you hate."
"She has a right to know."
"That I'm gay? Then why haven't you told her about yourself?"
"Because who fuck is none of her damn business."
"Right but who everyone else sleeps with is," She stepped to me, only inches away from my lips as her hardened stare held my gaze, "Emma if you want to out me, if that's what you need to do, you do it. Take away the one thing your mother has. But at the end of the day I know who I have to answer to and it sure isn't you. Now, get the fuck out of my church." And with that she brushed past me, bumping my shoulder as she disappeared into the back.
I rolled my eyes I as I walked to my car and sat, watching and waiting. The sky went from midday blue to sunset orange and it was well past the time I said I would be at Eliot's and Theo's place but I have some unfinished business to take care of. But figuring it would be nice, I sent him text to let him know.
The sound of car chugging down street accompanied by squeaky brakes reached my ears. Like clockwork my mom pulled into the church parking lot in her old, white, beat-up 2000 Ford Taurus. She quickly got out and headed inside. I decided to give her a few minutes before dropping the bomb on her and when that time was up I slipped in the church and plopped down right beside her.
"Well imagine that, look who I found." She didn't respond though, instead kept her eyes closed with her forehead resting on her clasped hands. So I cleared my throat, forcing her attention to me and she sighed, letting her hands fall to her lap as she sat back.
"I was praying."
"For my soul?"
"I always keep you in my prayers Emma," she kept her gaze to the ground, sighing once more, "Now then, what do you want?"
"There's something I'd thought you'd might like to hear," I looked up at the mural, "And this seemed like the perfect setting."
"I hope you've come to ask forgiveness." She bitterly threw out. I couldn't contain the wide smile that pulled on the corners of my mouth, laughing but more to myself.
"Not exactly."
She reached over, placing her hand on top of mine and squeezed, "It's the only salvation there is."
"What about the Salvation Army?"
Now it was her turn to let our half-assed disapproving chuckle and I couldn't help but shift my eyes to her profile, "You always thought you were so smart, so clever, so much better than everybody else. But all the cleverness in the world couldn't save you-"
"Oh mom save it for your gay free afterlife." I interrupted with an icy, nearly hateful tone.
"Okay, go ahead, mock me. Mock my faith," She let go of my hand and took in a deep breath as she nervously played her fingers and bit her bottom lip, "You're no different than your father. David used to mock me too. Called me a saint. Said I was as stone cold as one." My bold laugh echoed inside the church. Dad was always the comedian, that's probably why we always got along better than I did with mom.
She inhaled with a heavy breath, expanding her chest, and stretching her shirt momentarily before she relaxed, "It's hard to love a man who's never given you a kind word in thirty years. Who'd rather spend time with his friends or drinking then be with me. He never cared about his family; he didn't even want me to have you. When I told him I was pregnant with you he asked me to put on a beautiful dress. Took me to the most expensive restaurant in the city and get this…leaned over the table and said 'Mary, you need to get an abortion because I don't want another kid'."
"Yea, I know the story."
"You may have heard it but you don't know it. You don't know how I had to put up with his abuse. You don't know how I had to protect you from him. You don't know how I had to let him beat me so he wouldn't do it to you." She all but yelled out, her pensive expression shifting into one of hate, "You don't know that do you?" She continued to press, lifting her eyebrows and tilting her head to the side.
The glare from the light hit her eyes just right, highlighting her intense gaze that felt even heavier now and I began to fidget in my seat, "I don't want to hear that."
"No," A dark laugh slipped between her lips and into the tense, rigid air, "Of course not. You can't be bothered. You never could. Because you're selfish."
"Mom…what dad did to you was fucked up. I know all the shit you took for me because I saw it. But one thing you can't call me is selfish."
"I'm sorry to say my dear, but you are. All you ever cared about was yourself. I can't depend on you anymore than I could depend on David. But, there is someone I can depend on."
"Let me guess, Reverend Erin." I sarcastically spat out.
She paused and I watched her tense face relax, "My church. My God. They will always be here for me, no matter what. My God will never let me down. Now, who can you say that about?"
I walked down the street, entering a hole-in-the-wall style bar, wincing from the amount of smoke hanging in the air from the cigars. But like a creature of habit, there he was, sitting at a table with four other guys his age.
"Your bet Tommy." He said, his gruff voice carrying clear across the bar, "The next round is on you if you lose."
I came up beside him, setting a heavy hand down on his shoulder. His blue-green eyes darted up to me and a wide, coyote like grin crossed his face, "Hey Pops. How are you?"
"If I win this hand, the next round is on me." Tommy said, completely ignoring the fact that I had added myself to the group.
"You guys hear that? The next round is on Tommy, which means we're going to be dry again tonight," The guys chuckled as their cigars hung limply out of their mouth, "I've had better days, Chickey Girl, and better hands. Say hello to the guys."
"Hello guys." I greeted.
They all nodded, too focused on their cards to really give a proper introduction and greeting, "I'm out. I was bluffing anyway." Dad said, flinging his cards on the table as he stood.
"You certainly weren't fooling us," Tommy griped. Dad slid his hand across my shoulders, guiding me to the bartender.
"You want something to drink? The alcohol is for shit here but it's cheap," I nodded, thinking this night would be a lot easier to get through with some alcohol in my system, "Two of your best scotches please." He said to the bartender. We grabbed some stools and rested our arms on the sticky counter, "So, how's that fancy job of yours?"
"The fancy job is just fine. I can't complain." The guy dropped two drinks in front of us and immediately I brought the glass to my lips. Dad copied my movements then set it back down, turning his body to face me.
"You know if I was still married to the warden, I wouldn't have any fun." The warden was my mom. We used to laugh over how she'd never let us do anything we deemed as cool, that we would have to sneak around just kick it with our friends. But now it doesn't seem so funny, now I feel a sense of protectiveness for her, "Listen, um-I'm, uh, I'm a little short…"
With a deep breath I shuffled through the inside pocket of my jacket and slid an envelope towards him, full of cash. He took it without another thought, sticking it in his pocket as he looked around to see if anyone was watching. His hand cupped the back of my neck as he gently squeezed and pulled me in, pressing his forehead against mine. That money was actually for Eliot and Theo but I can always take more out of the bank.
"You're a good kid," Yea, I'm only good when I have money to give you, "I'm keeping a strict count of every goddamn penny, you know."
"Yea Pop. I know." I dimly replied. Wiggling my way out of the grasp I sat up straight and cupped the glass, shooting the rest of the alcohol back. My dad snapped at the bartender then pointed to my glass. The guy grabbed the bottle and poured another.
"Cheers." Pop held up his scotch and we clinked them together, downing it in seconds. "Now, don't work too hard." He lectured. Which was laughable considering I was the one supporting his gambling and drinking habits.
"Thanks for the advice."
"You gotta leave time for the ladies," He nudged his elbow against mine and smiled. Tilting my head to the side I smirked.
"Oh I always leave time for the ladies." I murmured, twirling the glass on the counter.
His laugh boomed through the seedy bar, "That's my Chickey. And hey, don't let them tie you down. They always want to do that no matter what they say."
"Don't worry about me Pop. I'm not a tie 'em down, kinda girl." My tone was as dry as this scotch I'm drinking, "So I'll manage just fine."
We stayed silent for a beat, but I knew it wouldn't last. Dad always hated silences, "Ah, it's good to see you." He muttered longingly. His eyes glazed over as if he weren't here with me altogether and his upper lip twitched a bit. I moved my eyes to his thick flowing chestnut brown hair that was beginning to gray as much as mom's was, "You know I was cleaning out the old storage unit and you'll never believe what I found?"
"What mind-blowing thing did you find?" I threw my hands up which the bartender mistakenly read as me wanting another drink and quickly poured me one.
He looked up at me with sheepish eyes and ran a hand through his hair, almost as if he were nervous, then held his hand around the back of his neck. His usually pristine hair had now fallen and a chunky lock slipped in front of his eyes. Dropping his hand to his pocket he sifted through it then pulled out an old photo. Taking it in my hands I saw it was picture of dad holding a baby.
"It's me and you when you were six months old." He said, there was something in his tone that I couldn't quite place.
"Why are you smiling?"
"It's a photograph, Chickey-isn't that what you're supposed to do." He stared at me with the same intensity ma had earlier today, "You were so young then, and now look atchu, living the life I wish I had." He patted my shoulder as he took another sip of his drink, "You know, you and me we're a lot alike."
Fuck.
No, don't say that.
"So I've heard." I mumbled.
"Yea, we don't like to be tied down. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and say, 'David, you dumb son of a bitch. You should've never been a family man'."
"Then why did you?" I locked eyes with him, hating that everything he just listed was accurate in my own life, "Why did you marry mom? Why…did you have me?" My cheeks grew warm as a burning sensation of tears to come started behind my eyes. So I drifted my gaze to our pathetic reflections mirrored back to us behind the bottles of alcohol on display.
"Come on, you're a smart kid. You never figured it out?" He said, with a smile. I grumbled under my breath, finished my drink and walked away from him shaking my head, "Now Chickey. C'mon, just stay. Chickey!" he said a little louder stopping me in my tracks, "Don't go, just have another drink with your old man." His voice had cracked at the end allowing pity to grip around my feelings.
Double Fuck.
Slowly I turned around with my jaw clenched and made my way back to his side. He pushed the photo over to me, "I don't want it." I flung the photo back at him.
"You might change your mind when my soul finally leaves this callous planet." Pops tried to joke but it fell flat.
"I doubt it."
Maybe mom is right, after all I am all but ditching quality time with my own son just to sit here and soothe my ego while I entertain my father's woes.
With a heavy exhale he set the photo back in my lap then turned to face the bartender who filled up our drinks. "The boys at the warehouse on strike again. That damn Tony Martego…"
I can't believe this man, 'how's my successful Chickey', 'I'm a little short on cash', 'I never should have been a family man'. Mom with her preachy, 'you're going to hell', 'you're selfish', 'the Reverend is like a daughter to me', 'ask for forgiveness'.
They'll never change. Not their bullshit. Not their life.
I don't know why I ever expect anything different.
God damnit…when will I learn?
That's all they are.
Because that's all they can be.
A/N: Sorry this chapter didn't feature any Emma and Regina time but I wanted to give you all an idea of Emma's background and upbringing. Plus i don't want the story to be dependent on those two characters. Hope you still enjoyed though! Thanks for reading.