Chapter 20
Loki frowned at the mortal as her eyes glistened with restrained tears. He knew exactly what she wanted and he did not think it a good idea.
"But it would not be your husband. I would not be your husband."
"I know. I"m not that naive. You don't have to speak or anything. Just let me…pretend you are David."
"It might make things worse," he warned in frustration. He wanted to restore the smiling April from the photographs, but it would be much harder to fulfil his mother's wishes if he reopened wounds that were only now starting to heal.
"Maybe," she accepted. "But if I don't ask you, I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life." Shadows darkened her face. "David was…gone…by the time I got to the hospital. I was ten minutes too late. Just ten minutes. The last time I saw him alive everything was so rushed, we were both running late for work. We barely acknowledged each another. If I had only known -" She stopped, needing to take a moment to compose herself. "I've always felt…I don't know…cheated somehow…as if I haven't had closure."
Damn her choice of words. It made him think about his mother. Being able to reunite with her in the white realm for that one last time had meant so much to him. Had given him his own sort of closure, though he would continue to mourn her, of course. Taking on her husband's guise would not be the same for the mortal but if it gave her some comfort, he would be a hypocrite to deny her.
"I know most people don't get to say goodbye," she quickly added. "I'm not saying that I'm special or anything. But most people don't have a magician at their disposal." A hopeful smile twitched at her lips.
He glared at her, stung. "Sorcerer," he promptly corrected. "And I am not at your disposal, I assure you." His eyes narrowed as he remembered Thanos and the Other. He would never be at anyones disposal again. Yet despite his inner bravado, a shiver still snaked down his spine, betraying his fears of what they would do should they find him again.
He forced his dread back down, returning to the mortal for distraction, accepting that he had promised that his magic was at her disposal should she grant him refuge. He knew that was what she meant, but her words had touched a nerve. A particularly troubled nerve. He sighed his defeat. "But I will grant you your goodbye."
He saw both relief and wariness flood her face. He suspected this was a hard decision for her, and one she feared she might regret. He mentally shrugged. But if that was her desire, so be it. He had tried to warn her.
He stood up, transforming swiftly, sooner than she had anticipated going by her gasp. But better that they got it over and done with. He granted her a small smile, hoping it would be close to what she remembered. He only knew what her husband looked like, he had no idea of his mannerisms, nor did he care.
She stood up more slowly, hesitantly, and he could see that she was still wrestling conflicting emotions, both love and pain, as she stared across at him. She fleetingly closed her eyes, no doubt to bolster her courage, and when she opened them again a single tear ran down her face. His usual response, to despair the sentimentality of mortals, was diluted this time with a grudging understanding, now that he was battling his own grief.
She stepped closer, her lips parting fractionally though words eluded her. Loki swallowed uncomfortably. He felt a twisting inside as he acknowledged that no woman had ever looked at him with such an intensity…with such…love. How ironic that he had to be in another man's guise to finally experience it, he thought bitterly. And a mortal man at that, to add salt to the wound.
To his shock she suddenly leaned across and kissed him. Softly, tentatively, barely a pressure against his lips. His anger flared at her nerve but was instantly extinguished by her warmth, the saltiness of her tears, that sweet smell of lilies…
Though she pulled away just as quickly, he couldn't stop himself, reaching across to gently caress her cheek. More warmth, more softness, and now the racing of her heart in her throat. He feared he had gone too far but she leaned in to his touch, lost to the fantasy.
"I love you David," she whispered, eyes frantically searching his face, as if desperate to memorise every inch before she lost him again. "I'll love you forever."
Bitterness rose within him again, along with a petty irrational jealousy that bewildered him. He forced his emotions back down, embarrassed by them. He was being ridiculous! He barely knew this woman. This pathetic, tiresome, mortal. But at the same time their closeness was becoming too much, her words too cutting, suddenly highlighting the weight of his desolation inside. A loneliness he hadn't realised he felt until this moment.
The revelation re-ignited his anger and he snatched back his hand, using his magic to create an illusion of her husband to step outside of his body, wanting to be rid of him, wishing he had never agreed to this pointless charade.
April turned in surprise, forgetting Loki to watch her husband stride purposefully away through the fence like a ghost. Loki saw her shudder and bring her hand to her mouth to stifle a sob as the illusion walked across the meadow, fading with each step.
"Goodbye," she murmured beneath her breath, so softly that Loki could only just make out her words. "Goodbye, my darling."
She continued to stare numbly across the meadow long after he had disappeared and Loki felt strangely restless as he watched her. Apart from his mother on very rare occasions, he had never comforted a woman in his life, yet he had a vexing desire to try to alleviate her pain. Resisting the impulse, he sidled up beside her instead, hands clasped behind his back, and leaned in close.
"So? Did it make you feel better?" he implored, only just managing to keep the mocking from his tone. After all, it had irked him that she hadn't heeded his warning.
She took a deep breath. "Not really." Wiping the dampness from her face she met his gaze and the sadness in her eyes triggered a pang of guilt. "But I don't regret it." She forced a smile. "Thank you."
Her admission took him aback. "There is nothing to thank me for. It wasn't a gift. Consider it another down payment towards my lodgings."
She frowned. "Another?"
"The library," he reminded.
"That was barely a minute's worth!"
He smirked. "My magic doesn't come cheap."
She glowered at him. "Neither does my home."
He chuckled, impressed. "Well countered. But a kiss was not part of the bargain and they are extremely expensive."
The colour that rushed to her face amused him immensely. Oh, how he loved to see her riled! It returned life to those drawn pale cheeks and made her eyes positively sparkle. And if it distracted her from her grief, well, that was a bonus.
"I…I'm sorry. I got carried away. Your illusion was so real. I never meant -"
He halted her with an impatient raise of his hand. "Hush your prattle, woman. All is forgiven." Though he was unable to resist goading her that little bit further, leaning in again to whisper seductively into her ear. "But not forgotten, I promise you."