Set sometime in the second half of season 2I always wanted to see more of that side of their relationship (also I literally had a dream about this scene haha). They have gone through a lot of similar things both together and separately so I wanted to give it a try.
Nikita and Michael were fast asleep curled into each other's arms. The past week they had several deep and long conversations about their relationship and everything that had led to their falling out. Everything was going great and heading towards a brighter future together.
Alex on the other hand was a different story. She had struggled ever since coming back from Russia. She had gotten significantly better. She didn't dwell on her traumatizing experiences during the day, but she felt like she couldn't breathe at night. The young agent was constantly waking up during the night drenched in sweat shaking because of her nightmares. Sometimes they were old memories and sometimes her mind would create new ones somehow always worse. Alex was able to calm herself down most of the time by keeping busy. Playing music or a movie helped keep her mind distracted. There were times when she gave up and ended up just crying herself to sleep.
She tried to hide all of this away from Nikita not to worry her. But her mentor knew exactly what was going on. She had gotten through this with Alex before. She wanted to help, but at the same time didn't want to push Alex. Every time Nikita tried to talk to her about it she always changed the subject or kept saying that everything was fine.
That night though was one of the worst she ever had. Her nightmares resulted in her having a panic attack. Shaking and in tears, she thought about the only person she felt safe with. Collecting herself from the strong emotions, still shaking and in tears, Alex left her bedroom. When she reached Nikita's room she hesitated. She didn't want to disturb the couple in the middle of the night. Soon though she started to feel another wave of emotions coming in and fear took her whole body. New tears were starting to form and without a moment's thought, she opened the door.
She tried to be quiet and only wake up Nikita, but she couldn't control her voice through the sobs.
"Nikita... I can't anymore".
Nikita jolted awake in hearing Alex's voice and jumped out of bed upon seeing her best friend so upset.
"Alex, what happened? It's okay, it's okay." pulling her into a hug Nikita tried to calm down the young woman.
Michael was just sitting on the bed staring, not daring to make a move. He had never seen Alex so distressed and his girlfriend's actions shocked him a little. She knew exactly what to do in that situation as if it was second nature to her. He, later on, thought that it probably wasn't the first time she had Alex like that in the middle of the night.
"I can't do this...make it stop, please, make it stop. They are coming for me. I can't escape anymore, please" Alex cried out, kneeling to the ground in Nikita's arms.
"Alex, shhhh, I'm here. You are okay, you are safe. I got you. I won't let anything happen to you anymore." Nikita was pulled down to the floor with Alex but quickly tried to make them both stand up. It broke Nikita's heart. She knew Alex was struggling for quite some time. She wanted to help but when Alex refused she knew it would eventually come to this.
In the end, Alex did stand up and hold onto Nikita as if she was her lifeline. And at that moment Alex felt like it was like that. Nikita was the only person she knew and trusted that could understand what she was feeling. She was also the only person that had made her feel so safe after losing her family.
"Come on, let's go lay down. Everything's gonna be okay" Nikita reassured her.
"Please don't leave, please" Alex started crying again.
"Of course I'm not going to leave you. Not now and not ever. Okay? You're safe." Nikita kept repeating the same things in hopes that Alex would remember that she was safe with her.
Michael was trying to swallow his tears as well. As much of a touching moment as this was, it was also heartbreaking. Both women had endured so much hurt, betrayal and abuse in their lives. He didn't even want to imagine what those nightmares must be like. Whatever Nikita woke up from one shaking he would soothe her by holding her tight and whispering sweet nothings in her ear to make her feel safe. She rarely was willing to share what the nightmare was about and he never pushed. He only ensured she was okay after. The rest was up to Nikita and he was okay with that. However, he had never seen his love so distressed as Alex was right now. This was definitely something that needed to be talked about.
Nikita locked her eyes with his and gave him barely a smile to calm him down as well. After holding Alex in her arms for a few more minutes Nikita urged her to sit on the bed so she could go get her some water. Alex listened. Nikita grabbed a glass and went into the bathroom.
Michael decided to slowly approach Alex. She hadn't even looked at him yet since coming into the bedroom. "Hi" Alex barely whispered. "Hey..."
"I'm sorry for waking you up i -"
"Shhh, stop, it's fine. It's alright. You didn't feel okay and you reached out. You did the right thing. We are here whatever you need someone." There was an intense sincerity in Michael's words and Alex recognised that. Nikita was always the one who could soothe her and offer a helping hand. Ever since Michael joined them he took on the role of the silent supporter and protector. They might not have established as strong of a relationship but she knew he would always have her back and protect her.
Nikita returned with the glass of water and handed it to Alex. Seeing her best friend starting to calm down eased her a bit.
"Let's go lay down. You look like you haven't slept for days"
As much as Alex wanted Nikita to come into her room she felt guilty for asking too much. She even started to feel embarrassed about bombarding in like that in the middle of the night. She thought to herself that she should be fine for the rest of the night even though deep down being alone right now made her anxious.
"No, it's fine really. You don't need to come with me" Nikita gave her a questioning look. She was surprised that Alex still closed herself off that quickly.
"That wasn't a suggestion. Come on now."
Alex smiled. Of course, she wouldn't be able to fool Nikita. Alex headed for the door while Nikita returned to Michael for a moment.
"Everything is alright I promise. Go back to sleep" she went up to him and kissed him.
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. "If you guys need anything I'm here"
Nikita nodded and smiled at his sweetness. Shortly she was out the door after Alex.
Nikita got into Alex's bed and pulled her in her arms. Alex quickly curled into Nikita's side. It was silent for a while. Nikita wanted to make sure Alex was settled first before talking.
"It's okay to feel like this. It's okay to hurt and feel scared." Nikita started while gently rubbing Alex's hair in a soothing gesture to make her open up.
Alex just tightened her hold. "You never used to bury so much inside. Remember back in our loft I could never sleep cause you were always ready to talk right as we were about to go to sleep." That memory erupted a laugh out of the two. After a long day of training and planning, they would get ready for bed. As soon as the lights were off Alex would either start asking questions or share whatever was heavy on her mind. It started slowly with just a few words back and forth between the two. As the trust between them grew the conversations became longer. They would stay awake for hours in the dark talking and Nikita would constantly tease Alex for not being able to sleep. In reality, it made their relationship so much stronger. However ever since Alex was recruited in Division they hadn't had a chat like that.
"I just - I thought I had gotten stronger. People in Division were starting to look up to me. Nothing could stop me. Amanda and Ari fear what I can do. In reality, I'm just a wreckage walking around. If they knew-"
"Alex, stop-" Nikita couldn't take more of this. Alex was one of the strongest people she knew. Hell, she even gave her strength so many times while trying to stop Division. She won't let Alex think otherwise"
"Feelings don't make you weak. You have not come this far just to come this far. You are one of the strongest people I know. So many things are constantly thrown at you but you always come out from the other side. And yes the whole of Division should even fear you." her last words were a little more lighter intending to make Alex smile.
It did work. Alex felt a smile creeping.
"You know one of the strongest and hardest things to come out and say is
"I am not doing okay" and let yourself lean on somebody for just a while to catch your breath"
Alex felt her eyes watering again. Not because of panic or fear. This time it was freeing. She felt ready to finally open up and let go of that weight she was constantly carrying.
"How about we turn the lights off?" Alex suggested and looked at Nikita.
She gave her a reassuring smile and reached for the bedside lamp and turned it off. Pulling Alex even closer she was ready to have that deep trust and vulnerability with her again.
This may not be considered a very happy moment, but in these stories, I also want to explore the depth of the relationships between the characters. Your reviews and suggestions are greatly appreciated! Thank you xx