Chapter 30: What The Heart Wants
{A/N: Here's Another Update...because I was asked so nicely...}
My Thanks To My Readers and Reviewers...Enjoy-S.S.
(I was born in a thunderstorm...I grew up overnight...I played alone...I played on my own...But I survived...Hey...I wanted everything I never had...Like the love that comes with light...I wore envy and I hated that...But I survived...I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go...Where the wind don't change...And nothing in the ground can ever grow...No hope, just lies...And you're taught to cry in your pillow...But I survived...) Alive, Daughtry
Unknown Location, Unknown World...
The sea of darkness that surrounded an ailing Severus Snape had been endless as he found himself becoming slowly submerged via the choppy black waters. He could hear the voice of the determined young woman whom had refused to give in to the notion that he could not be saved or at the very least given peace. Her amber eyes filled with tears as she looked upon him, the hate that so frequently been projected at him whenever he'd been around anyone in the living world had been so far removed when it came to her. She had been the reason he had not wished to carry out the former Headmaster's plot of his own free will. Snape closed his eyes as the dark water began to envelop his bare chest and he slipped once more beneath the murky surface. He knew not when it had been that the young Gryffindor witch had gotten to him, but he could recall those moments, when hidden beneath the castle in the dead of night, that she'd come to him. A vision of peace and compassion when he needed it most. The nights where his body had been the most broken and he'd felt the ebbing away of any desire he had at having a life had come to an end when he looked into the eyes of Hermione Jean Granger.
He recalled the storm that had taken place during those last moments before any aspect of control over what remained of him slipped away.
He'd been weak in the wake of his near murder at the hands of those he sought to protect and it seemed he'd been weak even now as the dark water consumed him as it had that fateful night. Content to let himself be submerged, he found himself registering that voice in the distance and the tears that streamed down the cheeks of the young bushy haired girl intent on coming to his rescue. What they did hurt her more than it had him, it seemed.
"Hermione." he said softly as his battered body had been tossed about the waves.
He imagined what it would have been like if she could have saved him, as amusing as it had all seemed.
She had come so close before and knew it not.
The decision he made so long ago was largely due to his ever growing admiration for her, the willingness she had to undertake even the most vile of projects to ensure the peace and happiness of another had been either preserved or freely given.
"You already know what you mean to me." she had said.
Her words echoing between the waves of this hollowed darkness.
She had been quite right of course, as per the usual when it came to her brand of insight.
He knew all too well what he meant to her and vice versa.
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Snape's Quarter's, The Dungeons, Hogwarts Castle, Wizarding World...(Several Years Prior...)
Severus Snape could hardly breathe due to the damage done to his already previously broken nose and the bruising along his battered ribcage. The despot had been particularly vicious in his chosen method of assault this time around and pulled no punches, as it were. She had come in the dead of night, possibly still clinging to the ridiculous notion that he required her assistance. She said nothing as she gently levitated him toward his bed and began washing away the blood and debris from his wounds.
He knew not then that his attachment to the young witch would border on something he had not quite recognized, but it had begun the moment she had been alone with him. He recalled the easy silence that had fallen between them. An easy understanding that had been difficult to put into words. He never let on that she'd been the first witch to intimately touch him that had not been a medical professional in years. He knew not then if it had been a result of his delirious and pain filled mind attempting to latch onto something anything that would ease his seemingly endless suffering, but in that moment, he suddenly chanced aggravating his heavily bruised ribs and gave into impulse.
The scent of her had been welcome, like a patch of flowers appealing to the likes of young witches like her, the warmth from her hands as they moved along his battered flesh even more alluring as instinct and desire began to coincide and without warning, he pulled her into an emotionally charged kiss. For her part, Hermione Granger had not seemed to be very offended returning his kiss with just as much passion as he had initiated. For a brief few moments in time, he had not been the miserable wretch that had hobbled back to Hogwarts following another round of inhumane torment via the despot he was bound to serve for "the greater good".
Snape finally released the young witch, recalling just what he'd been doing with a look of shame filed across his sallow pale face. Hermione said nothing as she met his gaze and continued to assist him as if the impulsive kiss had never occurred, The dour wizard had appeared grateful and allowed her to see to him without putting up much of a fuss.
Inwardly, he had been enraged by his actions.
The sheer weakness he felt at the desperate need for intimacy of any kind had been much too alarming and impulse driven. She had been a mere student for Merlin's sake, and yet he could do little to ignore the effect her very presence and care had on him.
She managed to get him into bed after administering potions to kick start the process of healing his wounds.
Seeing that here had been nothing more she could do for him, Hermione attempted to leave, only to be stopped in her tracks by the half asleep wizard.
"Stay." he said, his voice weak from exhaustion.
The amber eyed girl stood still wanting nothing more than to remain at his side despite their curious affiliation and the consequences that loomed as a result of it.
"Severus." she said softly unsure how best to proceed.
"Hermione...stay." he urged giving in to his weakness due to his sorry state.
Seeing his relative vulnerability for the first time since she had known him, Hermione Granger made her way back toward the ailing wizard's side intent on remaining until he had at least fallen asleep.
He seemed to settle down after noting her continued presence and drifted off into a relatively peaceful slumber. How long she stayed after that he had not been aware but he had been grateful to her one the less.
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Unknown Location, Unknown World...
Once more Severus Snape found himself adrift in darkness as his fractured mind reflected on the events of his unspoken past. It was clear that even in this dark and lifeless void, Hermione Granger still had a lasting impact on him. He had come to terms with his weakness for her long ago, and it enabled him to reject the vile ploy of the former Headmaster to have him end his life. The very thought of offending or breaking the heart of the insufferable little know it all had plagued him night and day contributing to his decision in the end to forgo the old fool's plot and find another way to bring about the destruction of the despot, if only for her sake. Sadly, the old fool had plans of his own and robbed the already ailing wizard of his most valuable trait, his ablity to love and be loved all for the sake of the greater good. A narrative that had been mostly derived from the twisted ideals of the meddlesome Dumbledore as he justified his cruel actions in stealing the life of a man whom had already had so little.
And yet, despite the curse that had ravaged his body, Severus Snape could not escape the attachment he had to the young witch Hermione nor the other women he'd taken into his twisted harem, a ploy at first to keep them safe but later a means to have them all to himself.
The means of which he had been capable of expressing love perverted via the darkness that inhabited him, as he tormented them day and night unable to control himself or his emotions.
The sea of darkness continued to churn all around him, but this time...Severus Snape had been determined to stay afloat. If only for HER sake, and the sake of those that had meant anything to him. It was then that he had finally made up his mind, he would find a way to combat this and atone.