Chapter 30
"So now you know," Loki said, his voice surprisingly steady. There was none of the rage or menace April was expecting. If anything, he sounded closer to how she felt - somehow hollow; regretful that the truth had come out.
Heart racing, she fought to rein in her fear, to maintain some semblance of calm, but now she knew the enormity of who and what he was, bubbles of hysteria began fizzing inside her, threatening to rise up and crescendo into a full blown panic attack. She actually believed she felt more terrified now than when she had first encountered him.
"So are you…" She stopped and swallowed. Her throat felt sandpaper dry. "…are you going to kill me…now that I know…"
"Kill you?" He stared at her in disbelief. "What? No…no, of course not!" He gestured placatingly with his arms to try to reassure her. "April, that was not me…I swear to you…at least not entirely." He had the decency to look slightly penitent at the latter. "The Scepter was influencing me more than I realised. If I had -"
"Or are you going to mind control me," she cut him off, having no idea what a Scepter was. "Like you did that Hawk guy?" Or whatever the Avenger's name was. She had only skimmed the news article.
"No! I cannot control minds. That was the Scepter's doing."
"Or are you mind controlling me right now?" she gasped as it suddenly occurred to her. She was finding it a challenge to regulate her breathing. Those bubbles of panic were starting to detonate. "Have you been doing it from the very beginning?"
Could that be why she had allowed him to stay so willingly? A subtler version of mind control maybe. At the time it had perplexed her. Why she hadn't fled him or called the police when he had been incapacitated.
Her eyes widened. Were his displays of magic even some form of mind control?
"You weren't trying to dazzle me at all with your magic, were you!" she accused. "You were trying to brainwash me!" A tiny rational part of her knew she was babbling like an idiot, but it wasn't strong enough to stop the words from effervescing up with her panic.
"What!" He blinked at her irritably. "That is preposterous!"
"No…it makes perfect sense. My easy compliance. The reason why I didn't call for help when I had the chance…"
He frowned his frustration. "You are becoming ridiculous and hysterical!"
Now he really was getting angry. But rather than alarm her it only roused her own anger. "What the hell do you expect! You're a criminal! A murderer! I'll probably be arrested for harbouring you! Oh god, what if the Avengers come after me?"
"April, calm down!" He hoped none of her windows were open. She could alert the neighbours.
As he strode towards her she recoiled back into her desk with a painful thump. "Keep away from me! You're evil!"
She saw him physically flinch at the word, at her condemnation, and she immediately regretted it. Not only because she feared the repercussions, but because she didn't actually think it.
The menace finally made an appearance. "Enough of this!"
One moment she was looking up into his narrowed eyes, the next her world turned dark.
Loki caught April in his arms before she could crumple to the ground. He hated using his magic to render her unconscious but felt he had no choice. He ignored the real reason that had prompted the incantation, the betraying reason. That he hadn't liked to hear the truth. The truth of what he had done. Of what he had become.
He carried her up the stairs and into her bedroom, laying her gently upon the bed.
He sighed as he stared down at her, wishing she hadn't found out, but it was inevitable that she would have done so eventually. Perhaps it was better sooner than later.
But what should he do now?
The most sensible thing would be to leave.
The idea vexed him. No! This refuge was too convenient to give up. He was not going anywhere. He was staying put. She would be forced to comply.
He was about to turn away when he spotted one of those talking devises on her bedside table. A mobile phone? Was that what they were called? Whatever its name, he snatched it up. He didn't want her calling for help. Not that she needed help, of course, but she had become so witless in the library that he feared she might have abandoned all reason.
Ramming it into his pocket he stormed from the room, slamming the door behind him and enchanting it so she would not be able to leave. If she started screaming he would magic her mouth shut as well. Curs-ed mortal!
As he stood outside on the landing he dragged his hands through his hair, besieged with guilt. No, she didn't deserve that. He remembered her kindness and compassion. Her giddy excitement when he dazzled her with his magic. That beautiful smile…
With a hiss of disgruntlement, he lent back against her door and folded his arms, terribly conflicted. He should just leave, he told himself firmly, rolling his eyes when he realised he had been down the same chain of deliberation the previous morning.
His initial euphoria of escaping his cell plummeted like a stone in his chest. A multitude of worlds he could flee to and he suddenly felt bound to this hovel of a cottage and the exasperating mortal who lived in it. How could one slip of a woman manage to needle out the only thread of vulnerability that Thanos, with all his might and cruelty, had been unable to.
She would waken very soon. She would not be happy. He could hardly blame her. But he resented the fact that she made him even care.
He should go.
He didn't want to go.
He wanted to make her understand.
But would she? Her scathing words made him squeeze his eyes shut and clench his fists. But the last in particular…
You're evil!
He knew he would never be as saintly as Thor, nor did he want to be. He knew he had made mistakes, countless mistakes. He knew he could be a Liesmith and master of mischief. But he was not, and never had been, evil.
He had to make her understand that.
An icy shiver snaked down his spine, reminding him of the Jotunheim blood that ran through his veins, of the monster within; maybe not evil but an abomination all the same.
But if he could make her believe he was not a monster, maybe he could start believing it himself.
He suddenly sensed movement behind him in the bedroom and quickly pulled away from the door. The handle started to lower, painstakingly slow at first and he guessed she was trying to be quiet and discreet (to his shame it made him smirk), but when she twigged it wasn't going to open, it began to rise and fall more violently.
"What have you done?! Let me out!"
He remained silent.
She banged on the door this time. "I said let me out!"
"When you see fit to behave in a more reasonable manner I will consider freeing you."
"Me?! Unreasonable?! I think I'm damn well entitled to be, given the circumstances!" She hit the door again. "After all what I did for you as well! You bastard!"
While he knew that the word bastard had several meanings here on Midgard, it still stung.
"I wish I hadn't bothered! I wish I had called the police while you were dying on my floor!"
When he didn't answer she kicked the door, actually making him jump. Her fire delighted him as much as her words grieved him.
When he still didn't respond she let out a little sob.
He moved closer to the door, knowing she was just the other side, mere inches away.
"Please," she whispered weakly, her fury already extinguished. "Please let me out."
He heard a faint thud on April's side and knew instinctively that she had dropped her forehead against the wood. Her despair was palpable in the air. His guilt returned, more overwhelming this time.
"Please, Loki," she begged and he inhaled sharply. It was the first time she had said his name. "Please don't keep me a prisoner in my own home."
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