Sandra's a mess in her father's arms, crying uncontrollably, feeling sick about what she admitted. How he's able to hug her after saying such an appalling thing is a mystery. She wants him to yell at her, scold her, punish her, anything to make her pay a penance for feeling this way. But he stays silent, holding her in his arms, letting her borrow his strength to keep her legs from collapsing.
A loud door slam from the bathroom startles them, Dave realizing that Cheryl must have overheard her sister's confession. He turns to JJ, who assures him she will talk with her so that he can stay with Sandra.
"I know you hate me." Her words are punctuated with sobs while Dave helps her to the edge of the bed, sitting down so she can lean against him.
"No. Never. I love you." With one arm around her shoulders pulling her into his side, the other tenderly cradles her head, leaving her no doubt of his sincerity.
"How can you?"
"You're part of me. You're hurting. If I knew that holding you forever would take your pain away, then that's what I would do. Remember that song? I will hold you ten thousand days and ten thousand nights because I love you, too. That was our song. You'd stand on my feet while I danced around the kitchen singing it with you."
"Hmmmm, I remember," she sighs, feeling a warmth inside of her at the fond memory. It's been years since she's thought about that song, how she used to look at him smiling down at her, singing at the top of their lungs, making a spectacle of themselves. "I wish I could be that little again."
"Hmm? Why's that?" he asks, stroking his thumb across her cheek before placing a kiss to the top of her head.
"Because I'd have my whole life ahead of me."
"Sweetheart, you still do."
Dave continues holding her in his arms, singing a few lines from their song, encouraging her to join in. It's a reminder of happier times, loving times, comforting times – a memory that can center her, bring a little peace back to her heart, and chase away her demons.
"Feeling better, Sandra Sue?" he asks when he feels some of the tension leave her body, enough to loosen his grip on her.
"Daddy," she says with a blush, "you haven't called me that in ten years."
"You grew out of it, but you'll always be Sandra Sue to me."
After she excuses herself to the bathroom to wash the mascara from her face, Dave waits until the door closes, then walks to Cheryl's bedroom. On the floor near the closet, JJ sits with Cheryl bear hugging her. Her face rests on JJ's shoulder who hums a soothing tune and rocks the subdued girl. Dave can see Cheryl's been crying but now her tears have dried, a mellow expression on her face, the slightest hint of a smile as she occasionally sings some of the words to the children's song JJ hums.
"How are we doing?" he asks, resting his palm on Cheryl's head.
"A little better," JJ replies, continuing to rock the tired girl in her arms.
"Think you can get your jammies on, kiddo?" Dave asks when he notices Cheryl's eyelids drooping.
Lifting her head, she nods at him, then places her hands on both sides of JJ's face, smiling as she looks at her. "I feel better," she whispers. "You're a great mom."
After a talk between the two sisters, they decide to spend the night together in Sandra's room. Just like Sandra told Cheryl a while ago that she can never hate her and will always have her back, Cheryl repeats those same words back to her. While she doesn't fully understand why Sandra would say the things she did, she knows her sister's in pain. Following JJ's advice, she decides to offer her love and support rather than anger and bitterness.
Before they turn in for the night, Sandra hugs JJ for several minutes, apologizing for her outburst and cruel words. "I wish I could take it all back," she says with regret and tears in her eyes. JJ assures her that she didn't take it personally and that she forgives her.
Both girls fall asleep quickly, Sandra with her arms around her little sister, who has her arms around Fernando, with Fletcher lying at the foot of the bed. Peace has settled in the Roslin home giving no indication that anything was awry just a short hour before.
Keeping his usual routine, Dave locks the doors and turns out the lights, except for a nightlight in the kitchen. The keys to Sandra's SUV and his sedan are in his hand so that both sets can be tucked away in the nightstand by his bed, just in case Sandra suffers a setback during the night and decides to bolt.
JJ follows him upstairs, placing her purse and keys on the dresser. While Dave's silence concerns her, what's worrisome is that he has barely looked at her since the girls went to bed. He finally glances at her reflection in the mirror as he brushes his teeth, noticing her studying him as she leans against the door frame.
Rinsing his mouth, he then turns toward her with a defeated look on his face. "I'm sorry you got dragged into this tonight. If you'd like to leave, I can handle things from here."
"Dave, don't do that," she replies gently. "Don't push me away."
"I didn't mean for you to get stuck in the middle."
This is new to her. Until now, he has always been receptive of her help with his daughters. Perhaps she crossed a line that she wasn't aware of. "Do you want me to leave?"
"Of course not, but I don't want family crises to become the focal point of our relationship."
"The focal point of our relationship is our love for each other. I knew when we started dating that you are a package deal with your family. If I wasn't comfortable with that, I would have told you."
"I didn't like what Sandra said to you. I know she apologized, but the fact she said it…well…it made me angry."
Holding his face in her hands, she stares into his eyes, openly, honestly. "Sandra has so much pain and confusion. She lashed out at me because I was standing right next to her - it could have just as easily been you. Believe me when I say that I understand what she's going through - I really do. Dave, there is so much love in this house. I am confident that Sandra will be able to work her way through this."
Jen's ability to analyze the situation reminds him of another incredible woman he had in his life. He wishes he had worked together with Betty more often when it came to their daughters rather than step aside and let her handle some issues on her own. Now he has another chance to work alongside someone, and he's determined to not mess it up.
"I'm sorry." Putting his arms around her, he pulls her into him, allowing some of the tension in his body to melt away when he feels her warmth. "I haven't been able to lean on anyone else for parenting duties for a while now, and I've forgotten what it's like to have that support. I wasn't trying to push you away - I was giving you an out if you wanted it."
His face relaxes as she continues to stare at him, until a smile appears on her lips indicating she's satisfied with his explanation. "Okay, I understand. I'm staying right here. Guess you could say you're stuck with me tonight," she teases.
He reflects on Cheryl's conversation when she asked Jen if she would be her mom, already having researched the issue and knowing that it would be simpler if they got married. One of the greatest regrets in his life was not asking Betty to marry him sooner, youth and inexperience getting in the way of his heart. Now he has both age and experience, wisdom. "I love you, Jen."
Sliding her hands from his cheeks, across his shoulders, and down his arms, she takes his hands in hers. "I love you, too." Their lips meet in a slow, sensual kiss. "We've taken care of the girls already. I think we need to spend some time taking care of ourselves now, don't you think? Can I coax you to bed so we can relax?"
Before she can react, Dave picks her up and carries her over his shoulder toward their bed as she giggles. After placing her on her back, he pulls his shirt over his head, then hovers over her as they share the first of many passionate kisses.
It's so damn complicated. Jeff sits with his coffee trying to focus on notes from his core grad class Saturday morning, but his mind keeps wandering to his date from the previous evening. Sandra. A young, somewhat bratty girl when they first met, someone he never thought he'd become friends with let alone develop feelings for. His main goal was to befriend her enough to get on her father's good side, but her sassiness, quick wit, and intelligence drew him in. It doesn't hurt that she's also attractive, different from his previous girlfriends who went out of their way to starve themselves or hide flaws with makeup. Sandra is authentic, a rare natural beauty that is enhanced by her genuine personality traits.
The day Dave asked him to take her a bottle of water in the library was the day it all started for him. She was sassy to the point of being rude, but he could see she was grateful that he ran this errand for her father. From then on, he spent his own money on a cold, fresh bottle of water everyday just so he could spend a few minutes with her. She was always under the impression that her father had sent him, and he never gave her any reason to believe that her assumption was incorrect. She was an investment of his time, one that was worth it.
When she tried to scare him away by rambling about her checkered past, he was taken aback, but impressed with her ability to overcome the problems she dealt with. That was the day he knew he was attracted to her, because strong women are his type. Sandra possesses a strength that he has rarely seen before, but she is completely oblivious to it.
He kept his feelings to himself, stifled the impulse to pull her into a kiss a few times in the library, and tried to bury his growing affection for her. But the last day of the spring semester when he saw her with that creep in the library, the one who had his hands all over her – that was the day he realized he could get hurt. Unknown to her, he walked away, determined to put the idea of a relationship with her behind him. The last thing he needed was to lose the dream grad assistantship he had been awarded. Keep the assistantship, step away from her, and maybe after earning his PhD a few years later they could reconnect. That was his plan anyway, and it went well for the first month, until he bumped into her and discovered the guy wasn't a love interest, just a jerk with wandering hands.
All the work he put into trying to forget about her went down the drain, and they were together as friends again, closer than ever, until she started to behave strangely after her surgery. He was certain she was avoiding him. The expression on her face when she saw he was her date last night wasn't a happy one. More like panic-stricken.
She mellowed as the evening wore on. They were having a great time, their chemistry was sizzling, and against his better judgment, he leaned in to kiss her, but then everything changed. She became distant, almost trance-like, refusing to look at anyone, talk to anyone. He could sense that she wanted to run out of there.
Then their entire relationship unraveled during the short drive back to the dorm. No explanation. She shut down, then pushed him away. He felt helpless, worthless, exasperated, confused. Nothing he said to her sank in. She refused to be reasoned with. Then she pulled out a dagger and shoved it in his heart. Forget about me.
How can he?
The section of notes before him has been read a half dozen times now, but nothing has sunk in. His coffee cup is empty, yet he still feels drained. Rather than wallow in his apartment, he sets his notes aside, packs his bag, and heads to the campus gym. A hard workout may help get his thoughts back on track.
After nursing Emilee, Bill takes her to the kitchen where he holds her in one arm while he measures out the coffee and gathers the ingredients from the refrigerator to make omelets.
Em eyes him suspiciously, waiting for him to hand her off and put on his uniform. He assures her that daddy is hers for two whole days, and that mommy will be joining them soon for breakfast. She squawks a little bit when he puts her in her playpen away from the kitchen and the popping of eggs and bacon grease. But he walks to her several times, explaining with exaggerated hand gestures that he's just keeping her safe while he makes breakfast.
When the omelets are finished and plated, Laura still hasn't emerged from the bedroom. "Let's go find mommy," he says picking Emilee up from the playpen and holding her to his shoulder.
"Laura? Honey, breakfast is ready."
"Huh?" she groans, slowly opening her lids. "What time is it?"
"Close to 8 already. You feeling alright?"
"Mmm, just tired. Let me get my robe. I'll be there in a second."
Bill carries Emilee back with him, who seems relieved that he didn't change into his uniform. A text message notification sounds. It's from Saul, asking if he will have time to look over some reports this weekend.
"You know what I think, precious? We need to tell Saul to go frak himself. Should we do that? Yes, I think you're right." Bill types out "GO FRAK YOURSELF" and hits send, chuckling while Emilee watches with a slobbery smile.
"What are you teaching our daughter?" Laura asks with a yawn as she sits down at the table.
"I'm teaching her how to handle work requests on the weekend," he says, giving her a glance and noticing how disheveled she looks. "Did you have another bad dream?"
"No. Why?"
"You seem tired and out of it. And you're sort of pale."
"It was a long week, Bill. I'm not used to being here alone with Emilee. In case you haven't noticed, our daughter can be very demanding."
"Just like her mom."
Laura shoots a death ray glare at him, letting him know his opinion is not appreciated.
Bill offers a conciliatory smile back at her. "Now you're awake."
"I'm not demanding. I'm just tired."
"And stubborn. Let's not forget that," he replies while making a silly face at Em.
"You know, maybe I'll take you up on that offer you made, Bill. You stay at home with the baby, and I'll go to work. It must be exhausting for you to sit behind a big desk all day filling out paperwork and telling inappropriate jokes with Saul." Between bites of food, Laura glares at him, daring him to argue with her. She's finished before Bill is halfway done with his omelet. "Where's the toast?"
"I didn't make any."
"Why the hell not?"
"I…didn't realize you wanted any?" he asks, treading lightly.
When she rises from her chair and walks to the kitchen to make toast, Bill grimaces at Emilee.
"I saw that," she informs him with a warning in her tone that he needs to be careful.
"Why are you so grumpy?"
"Ah, Bill! I told you it's exhausting being here alone with her! And now I'm having to make the rest of breakfast, too. Can you at least clear the table when we're finished eating?"
Bill places Emilee in her playpen, then approaches his growly wife from behind. "Laura." The softness in his tone causes her to pause. "I'm sorry. Take a seat and I'll make you some toast. Would you like another omelet? I'll make whatever you want. And I can spend the day with Em if you need to get caught up on sleep."
With his arms wrapped around her waist from behind, and his cheek resting against her ear, she sighs, reaching a hand up to caress his face. "Thank you, Bill. I'm sorry I'm so grouchy. Maybe we can…resolve our differences later when Em is down for her nap."
"We can resolve our differences right now while Em plays, then I can make you brunch." Finding that spot on her neck that makes her hum, he lightly nips at it while she considers his offer. "Or I can make another omelet for you now. Your choice."
The remainder of the weekend is quiet at the Roslin house. Dave and JJ make plans for their trip to Tauron in 3.5 weeks while Sandra takes Cheryl to the neighbor's pool to swim. For all her athleticism, Cheryl is a lousy swimmer. Both Laura and Sandra took lessons at a young age, but Cheryl never had the opportunity since her mother was sick when she was old enough to sign up for beginning swim. Dave can't afford to take the time off from his busy workload to take her to lessons every morning for two weeks, Sandra's in class, and Laura has her hands full with Emilee. JJ offers to take her to lessons starting Monday morning, which puts a huge smile on Cheryl's face for the rest of the weekend.
Mid-Monday afternoon, Jeff stops by Dave's office to get a list of research topics for the week. He invites him in, closes the door, and motions to a seat at the table. After Jeff sits, frowning because he anticipates being questioned about Friday night, Dave pulls up a chair near him.
"You and Sandra are close," Dave begins. "I try to stay out of her relationships with her friends, but I was wondering if you could give her a call. She had a rough time Friday night, and a call from you might cheer her up."
Jeff looks at him stunned. "Did she ask you to ask me to call her?"
"No. Why?"
"How much do you know about Friday night?"
"Not much. She had a blind date that she said was great, but a song triggered her anger about her mom, so she came home. Why?"
Jeff realizes Dave has no clue that he was Sandra's date, that he witnessed her meltdown, and that she told him to forget about her. "She didn't tell you."
"Tell me what? Do you know something about Friday?"
"Yeah, give me a second." He considers his options, including refusing to talk about it and leaving the office. Or he could lie and say he saw her at the restaurant with her date, but that would likely come back to haunt him. Or he can lay out everything he knows, including his feelings toward Sandra, and risk losing his dream assistantship working for the man he idolizes. As uncomfortable as it may be, he decides the third option is the only true option. Maybe Dave will take pity on him and let him stay on as his assistant.
"Jeff?"
"Um, yeah, sorry. This is difficult for me to talk about. Friday night I agreed to go on a blind date with someone, and it turned out to be Sandra. I honestly didn't know until I got there, and neither did she."
"Oh. She didn't tell me this. So you were there when she heard the song?"
"I was, but I didn't know until now that that's what triggered her. It makes sense. We were dancing and then she just…sort of shut down and wanted to go home."
"I'm sure she'd love to hear from you if you'd give her a call."
Jeff was hoping Dave wouldn't push for more information after his explanation of what happened. He didn't expect him to press the issue of calling her. "No, I don't think so. When I was driving her back to the dorm to her SUV, she…said some things to me."
"Like what?"
He doesn't want to go into all the details, preferring not to speak of how he almost kissed her, so he decides to provide as little information as possible. "She said she didn't want to be friends anymore, didn't want to see me again, and if I cared about her, I'd forget about her."
"What?" Dave asks incredulously. "That doesn't sound like her. Was she behaving normally until she heard the song?"
"Pretty much. She was surprised and nervous about going on the date, but we made it work. We were having a really good time. Great, actually," he says, thinking back to when their lips almost touched. "Uh, can I go now?" he asks, suddenly becoming very nervous.
Dave watches as Jeff adjusts his posture, leaning slightly forward like he can't wait to leave. "You're upset. Did something else happen?"
"Ahhh," he exhales, feeling that his entire world is about to come crashing down. "I respect you and appreciate this opportunity you have given me as your grad assistant. I'd really like to keep that."
"Jeff, tell me what happened."
"Nothing actually happened. I really like Sandra. I've tried not to, but I can't help it. I'm attracted to her. We've never kissed or anything. But we were dancing, and the song ended, and we were…we were so close…and I leaned in to kiss her, and that's when she pulled away. Ohhh, I'm sorry," he groans rubbing his hands up and down his face. "I'm sorry." He can't even look at Dave, who is sitting in the chair next to him astounded by this information. "If you want me to clean out my desk, I'll bring some boxes in tonight and be gone by morning."
"You care about her."
"I do, but I should have put a stop to these feelings. She's young, you're my boss, I should know better. I'll pack what I can in my backpack now, then I'll wait to come back after you go home so you don't have to see me again."
The anguished look on Jeff's face convinces Dave of how deep his feelings are for Sandra. "She hurt you."
"Are we done? The longer I stay, the harder it'll be to leave." He'd rather not address Dave's last comment.
"We're not done."
"Please, lecture me, yell at me, whatever you're going to do. I just want this over with."
Dave stares at him fidgeting in the chair, in agony over what took place Friday night. "I don't want you to leave. You're still my grad assistant."
"Are you sure?" he asks in disbelief, finally making eye contact with him.
"More than ever. I've always thought you and Sandra would make a nice couple. She probably never told you that. Whenever I brought it up, she'd tell me to mind my own business."
"Sounds like her," he replies with a crooked smile.
"If I talk with her about what happened Friday, would you be willing to meet with her later this week?"
Jeff considers his offer. While part of him wishes things could go back to normal between them, Sandra was very firm in what she said, firm enough that her words carved a deep wound in him. He has never felt this bad after a breakup, and they weren't even romantically involved yet. "I'm not sure. I need some time to think, you know? Sandra may have been right when she said we shouldn't be involved. Look at how my relationship with her has already affected my working relationship with you. I'm sitting here terrified you're going to fire me. Why risk making things worse? Probably better for both of us to spend some time apart, at least for a while."
"I want to assure you that whatever decision you make regarding Sandra, I won't let it affect your assistantship. You have done excellent work for me, and I want you to continue in this role. I'll stay out of it – I won't talk to her about this conversation. I won't bring it up with you again either unless you bring it up first."
Jeff exhales in relief, finally able to relax now that he knows Dave wants to keep him as his grad assistant. "Thank you. I'm grateful to you for so many things. And thank you for not yelling at me."
A normal Tuesday would have Sandra eating a quick lunch in the student union, then driving to her therapy appointment with Dr. Sasse. After Friday night, though, she decided to find a different therapist, hating the way she feels whenever she leaves his office. If he hadn't pressed her to admit she was angry at her mom the day before her blind date, she might not have had her breakdown Friday night.
When she called Laura over the weekend and told her what happened in the car with Jeff, the horrible things she said to him, she realized she was more like her sister than she thought.
"It was like you were outside of your body watching a crazy person say terrible things to someone you care about, and you couldn't do anything to stop it," Laura had said to her.
"That's exactly what it was like. I don't even know who I was," she admitted.
They chatted about the similarities between Laura dumping Bill early in their relationship and how Sandra pushed Jeff away. They both decided it would be best to give Jeff some time to recover, then Sandra would talk with him and apologize.
Instead of going to see Dr. Sasse, she will first eat lunch with her dad, then drive home to search online for a new therapist. As she's crossing the commons area between the student union and the history building, she notices Jeff walking toward the parking lot. It's been almost 4 days, so she decides to approach him.
"Jeff!" she calls, causing him to turn and catch a glimpse of her. He immediately turns back toward the parking lot, walking quickly like he has somewhere important to be.
"Jeff!" she calls again, running after him. "Hey, hold up," she says, slightly out of breath from running hard to catch him before he climbs into his car. "Can I have a minute with you?"
Glancing at his car, he appears somewhat irritated.
"Please?" she asks when he doesn't respond.
"Fine, a minute."
"I said some things Friday night that I really shouldn't have said. I don't know what got into me. I'm sorry."
"Okay." Unlocking his car, he tosses his backpack inside, showing as little emotion as possible.
"Are you okay?" she asks before he can get in.
"Sandra, whatever is bothering you, you need to figure it out. I can't be a part of that."
"What are you saying to me?" His chilly vibe causes her stomach to knot and her appetite to wane.
"I'm saying…I need some time. I don't think it's a good idea for us to be involved when I work for your dad. It complicates things."
"How does it complicate things? I mean, if it wasn't for my dad, you wouldn't have anything to do with me. If he hadn't pushed you into bringing me water every day, we'd barely know each other."
The restraint that has held back his feelings for her starts to bend, threatening to break loose entirely. "Your dad asked me to bring you water once. Once, Sandra," he finally confesses, holding his index finger in the air. "All those other days, I brought you water on my own, just so I could talk with you. I wanted to know you. I wanted to spend time with you even if it was just for a few minutes in the library every afternoon. I never told you because I wasn't sure if you felt the same way. I kept telling myself it was a bad idea to be interested in the daughter of the professor I'm working for. But I couldn't help it, and then we almost kissed on Friday. Do you know how many times I wanted to kiss you in the library last semester?" He shakes his head, realizing everything is spilling out of him, and if he doesn't stop now, he won't be able to. "Why am I telling you this? It won't make any difference," he huffs and looks away.
"Jeff, it does make a difference. I'm so sorry. I wanted to kiss you a few times, too. I've been fighting my attraction to you."
"Why?" he asks, looking directly into her eyes, giving her another chance to define what their relationship is.
It's still too raw, explaining to him he deserves better than her, someone who hates her mom and doesn't know why. "I don't want to talk about it."
He groans in frustration, feeling the wound in his heart deepen at her refusal to open up to him. "Everything I said about you at the restaurant is true. You're strong – have some faith in yourself. I need to step away from us, for my self-preservation. Please understand, I wish you the best, but I can't be involved with you anymore. I'm sorry." After giving her a quick kiss on the forehead, he gets into his car and drives away.
"Dad!"
Dave jumps in his chair, not realizing Sandra had entered his office and shut the door. "You scared me. Did you bring lunch?"
"No."
Short answers are never a good sign with Sandra, and he looks her over, noticing her clenched jaw and a fierce, determined look in her eyes that he's never seen before.
"Are you upset?"
Cocking her head to the side, she thinks before she answers. "I'm not sure. I'm going to grab some lunch on the way to therapy. I called Dr. Sasse and my appointment is still available."
"I thought you wanted to see someone else."
"I don't want to waste time starting over with a new therapist. I think the reason I don't like Dr. Sasse is because he's doing a good job and forcing me to confront my feelings and that makes me feel uncomfortable."
"What made you change your mind?"
"I saw Jeff a few minutes ago. I just lost the best friend I ever had," she says, her voice cracking.
Dave stands to give her a hug, but she stops him by holding her hand out with her palm facing toward him, shaking her head as she tries to compose herself.
"I can't afford to lose friends like that, and I can't afford to be stuck in this emotional rut anymore. I'm going to figure this out with Dr. Sasse even if it kills me!"