...

...

Will you bе there?
Can I still love you?
Not yet healed or ready
Shouldn't be going too steady
But I just wanna know, is love completely off the table?

...

...

...

36 year old Kurosaki Ichigo slammed the door of his car shut, covering his face with his hand to shield himself from the misting rain as he ran to the front door of his house, unlocking and pulling it open so he could go inside. It was a typical Friday at the Kurosaki household- quiet and uneventful, as Kazui was still at school. Ichigo went into the living room, taking off his coat and wondering if he should make some tea when he noticed Orihime sitting at the table.

"Ichigo,"

"Oh, hey," Ichigo close his umbrella, absentmindedly hanging it in the coat closet. "Didn't you have an appointment today?"

"I already went." Orihime replied, her hands closed around a glass of water that looked like she hadn't actually taken a sip from. Something about her odd manner made Ichigo pause where he usually wouldn't, and he looked at her.

"I... I need to talk to you about something important." Orihime began, and immediately Ichigo felt an odd sense of dread wash over him. It felt like something he hadn't felt in years... now that he recalled, the last time he'd felt it was when she'd shown up at his home, exhausted, fired from her job, and pregnant.

Oh, god.

"...What is it?" He dared to ask, unable to keep his voice from sounding afraid. If she noticed she didn't react, and instead waved her hand for him to sit down at the table with her.

He moved over and sat down at the chair across from her.

"Ichigo," Orihime began again. "What I'm gonna say might confuse you at first... promise me you'll just hear me out."

Ohhhhhh god.

"Okay."

Orihime's brown eyes were steely on his. "I... I think that it is time that we go our separate ways."

...

...Huh?

"W-What?" his mouth fell open to speak, but she held her hands up in defense.

"Just listen."

Ichigo stared at her in disbelief, before closing his mouth and nodding, unable to think anything past a feeling of terror.

Orihime reached her hand out across the table, placing it on his gently. "Ichigo... I love you. I have since I was fifteen years old, and I think in some capacity you've always known that." He broke eye contact then, and Orihime knew she was right.

"I came to your home seventeen years ago when I was losing my job, my home, my entire future. If you hadn't stepped up to support me and Kazui, I don't know what would have happened to us."

Ichigo bristled at the statement. "Of course I was going to help you, I wasn't going to just let my own son live on the street or let you be homeless! You were only nineteen-"

"I know," Orihime said calmy, "But Ichigo, you were only nineteen, too."

He grew quiet at that statement.

Orihime sighed, and turned the glass in her hand slowly, her fingers running over the embossing on the side. "You've given up everything to make me happy... to make sure Kazui would grow up loved, and stable." her eyes closed, her brow furrowing slightly. "I'm not the same flighty girl I was when I was 15, when I thought that love was all about finding a prince and marrying him and living happily ever after.. you weren't in love with me, but that never stopped you from giving up your future for me."

She leaned back in her chair, a small smile on her face. "It took me so long to stop seeing you as one of my daydreams and start seeing you as the person you are... and when I did, I realized everything you had given up, just for my sake. And how lucky I was." she shook her head. "I can only imagine how terrified you must have been that day... after all this time, I want to finally be the one to do something for you."

"I don't regret having Kazui." Ichigo felt the need to reiterate. "And you don't owe me anything- it isn't like your life has been a walk in the park, either- you had to drop out of school, and you lost your job."

"-But that was my choice to make." Orihime reminded him softly, not wanting to upset him further. "We both did. I chose our son, and so did you- even if it meant giving up everything... Now, I want you to finally be happy, Ichigo... to find true happiness. Maybe even find true love." she dared not speak any further on the topic, though her mind could have wandered to the possibility of a certain beautiful, raven-haired divorcee residing in the Soul Society. "Kazui will be graduating high school in only one more year. Then he'll move out to go to college... I'm planning to go back to school, too. I have so many goals I never got to accomplish. Now that our son is growing up... it is time I did, too."

"We don't have to get divorced for you to do that!"

"It's not just about me." Orihime's tone grew a bit more firm now, as she teetered on not wanting him to get so upset to the point of him raising his voice. "I know you never had the goal to go to college and become a translator, Ichigo. Nor did you still want to be here, in your father's house, at the age of 36. You had your own goals and ideas for how you wanted to live your life, and things you wanted to experience and accomplish, that you threw away because of me.

I want you to have your freedom back. to be able to do what you want without anything holding you back.. even if it can't be exactly as it was before."

The man was stony silent now, and Orihime almost felt surprise in how devastated he looked- she didn't think the idea of a divorce would hurt him so much.

"I want us to continue loving one another, as parents to our son and as true friends... and now, to finally be the one to give you what you need."

Their separation was finalized some months after their little table talk had occurred. In all those months, Ichigo found himself unable to think or feel or desire anything. It was weird, grieving a marriage that he had never been invested in for the sake of love or companionship. Yet, he still had too.

What was Orihime thinking? Part of him completely understood her thought process, and in that way it made sense for them to stop being together... after all, it had not been a marriage of love. He had been confused and angry at her the first few weeks after they talked about it, but as time went on... he began to see her point of view with a clearer head.

It wasn't like these past 17 years had been bliss for her, either. She had been stuck in a marriage where the feelings were only one sided, all that time. And here he had been, getting mad at her for standing up for herself and finally asking to be set free. He hadn't been fair to her all these years, either.

There was one thing she seemed to have not realized- and he couldn't muster the courage to say it to her. She seemed to be surprised that he wasn't exactly jumping for joy at the idea of getting divorced after all this time. But how could he? To Ichigo, it felt like everything he had been trying so desperately to keep together for the past many years had suddenly burst at the seams, sweeping him away in the process. All this time, his only focus had been providing a stable, loving home for Kazui, and being a good father. Being good to Kazui encompassed making sure his mother was happy and that they all stayed under the same roof... didn't it?

It made him fearful. He was terrified of Kazui going through something similar to what he went through when his mother died. Of course Orihime wasn't dying- and the insinuation that a woman getting a divorce was akin to her dying was ridiculous, that he knew- but it wasn't like divorce was a simple matter the boy would be able to shrug over. Despite that Kazui was a fairly level headed young man, and after many weeks of discussions with his parents and even some sessions with a divorce therapist, he'd told them he loved him both and he just wanted them to be happy, even separately.

At least, Orihime was happy. She had moved out as soon as the divorce was finalized, and convinced Tatsuki to split rent on a small home together, and so the two had become house mates. Orihime had already enrolled in the local college, and was excited to finally experience her first year of college life. She had also managed to find a decent job at a local vintage shop, and he had heard from Tatsuki that she had a mind to adopt a dog once Kazui went to college, which wouldn't be long.

It was different for him, though. He now found himself completely alone in his childhood home, which too often made him feel anxious. The place had never been empty from the day his father had purchased it, but now he found himself wallowing in loneliness until Kazui would come home from school and tennis club. Having his son around always made him feel better, but he worried about making him feel burdened by him, and he dared not say anything about it. It had been so long, he felt like he had no aspirations or ideas of what to do with his newfound time and bachelor-hood.

One night, almost 7 weeks after the official end of their marriage, he found himself alone in the house once again. Kazui had gone to his friend's house to study for exams and wouldn't be home until midnight, as he lived a bit far. He had walked into the bathroom to put some folded towels away, pausing when he raised himself up and caught a glance at his reflection in the mirror. A hand raised to touch his cheek. He stared at himself- or rather, this suddenly-different version of himself.

When had he changed so much? His mind seemed to contemplate this in an almost bitter tone. When had he aged so much? Well, 36 wasn't that old- although Kazui had already teasingly referred to him as "old man" once... which made Ichigo feel like calling his own father up and apologizing for being so bratty when he was younger. Was his hairline receding, or were his eyes playing tricks on him? He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly feeling unsure about himself. Did he even know who he was anymore?

He paced around the house for the next hour, flitting from one room to another, feeling restless. He could hear the big clock in the living room ticking away each second. He stopped and stared at the small framed photo of his mother that sat above the fireplace, wishing she could be there to give him her advice. His thoughts were all over the place, one lingering constantly that he was trying very hard to pretend wasn't there.

He wanted to get out.

Should he? Shouldn't he? These two thoughts fought viciously as he went upstairs to his bedroom, dumping item after item out of his closet onto the bed in effort to find something decent to wear- he had been sulking in his sleepwear for weeks now. When had he turned into such a slob that only owned depressing beige t-shirts and dark sweatpants? He found a particular shirt he pulled to be extra revolting- a basic blue dress shirt (which he had been looking for) with a pattern of yellow triangles. He remembered wearing this shirt before. The thought he had worn such a garment without a second thought made him want to second-guess every choice he made from now on. What the hell?

He finally found a simple t-shirt, one with no stupid patterns or weird phrases on it- and put it on, pulling his black hoodie over it. He put his phone and keys in his pocket, his eyes pausing on the substitute badge that sat on his desk. He picked it up, his fingers running over the smooth carvings in the wood before using it to separate from his body, catching it before it collapsed to the floor. He pulled it to the side and found Kon, who had been taken out of his lion plush body for the past few months as he did not want to deal with him, and dropped him in.

Kon, in his body, sprung up from the floor suddenly, and Ichigo dodged the immediate punch he tried to throw. "You asshole Ichigo!!!! You took me out of my body for weeks- what the hell!!!! Do you know boring it is to be stuck in a box for months on end?!?!? That's IT, we are fighting right now, get ready for me to kick-!!!!"

"I'm going to the Soul Society," Ichigo replied passively, pointedly ignoring the expression on his face- on Kon's face- that looked murderous. "Kazui won't be home until late, so just stay in the house until I get back. We'll talk about it later." with those words, Ichigo went out the door, locking it behind him.

He felt bad for leaving Kon with no explanation after decommissioning him for months, but he didn't simply didn't have time right now- he was anxious to do what he wanted to do.

There was someone he needed to see.

"Ara, Kurosaki-san! What a surprise!"

Ichigo managed a weak smile to Urahara, who had opened the door when he'd knocked. "Urahara... it's been a long time."

"What can I do for you?" Urahara was fanning his face in that way that made him look innocent and unsuspecting- at least that's how he bet Urahara thought he looked. But Ichigo knew the man too well. There was no way he didn't know why he had come.

And maybe, a long time ago, he would've gotten irritated at him, but he somehow felt a weird sense of comfort in how little the blond shopkeeper had changed over the past seventeen years. He still had his cane- though Ichigo knew it was actually his sword, he still wore the same hat he had on the first day Ichigo met him.

"I need a reiatsu concealer, if you have one."

"Of course! Just a moment." Urahara wasted no time in idle chit-chat, which was a little odd but Ichigo figured he knew something was up. He was far more smart than he pretended to be.

He returned a moment later with what looked like a jewelry box in his hand. He opened it, revealing a thin black band. He removed it from the box and handed it to Ichigo. "Here we are! Just keep this on any finger, and your reiatsu will remain hidden! You could even put it on your toe, if you don't want any ring on your fingers."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Urahara. I'll return it tomorrow morning."

"Ah, no need, no need!" The older man waved a hand unceremoniously, "Consider it a gift!"

"Oh.. thank you."

Ichigo slipped the thin black band onto his first finger and headed outside, pulling Zangetsu from his side, he used the sword to open a senkaimon, taking a shaky breath in before entering it, feeling nervous as it closed behind him with a resounding, wooden thud.