...
...
Travel to the moon
the dream where you first appeared fades out
the light of the star,
I longed for is taken away..
...
...
...
He woke up from a dream.
Well, a nightmare was more like it. Ichigo rolled onto his side, squinting his sleepy eyes at the alarm clock on his side table that read 2:44 am. He sighed and then rolled on to his back again, his eyes sinking shut.
It had been a long time since he'd seen Rukia in a dream. He'd see her often when he was young- some dreams were completely incomprehensible, some were almost like he was seeing them in alternate timelines. He could recall one where she was a professional ballerina, and one where she asked him to run away with her.
But those were different. He could tell, often even in the dream, that what he was seeing wasn't true. This time, however- it felt real, felt tangible.
He'd entered a building- one tall and old, made of towering white pillars, and she'd been there. Standing as beautiful and graceful as ever, in a long white gown that trailed the floor. She was looking at him as he walked in, yet as he approached ran away with a smile, almost as if in slow motion. He'd chased after her, hearing a echoing laugh, watching the way her long, dark locks moved in waves as she ran into an open doorway, shutting it behind her.
He'd reached out with his hand and opened the door quickly, stopping once he'd entered. For there she was, standing before him, as if she'd been waiting for him. He ran towards her again, but noticed no matter how much he ran, he could not reach her, even when he stretched an arm out to her, and she did as well. She was saying something, but he couldn't hear her.
Then he noticed how she seemed to be... burning. It started at her feet, slowly rising upwards, eating away at her to her neck. He tried to call out to her, to warn her, desperately reaching out to touch her, even for a moment. And then she was gone, only the whisper of her voice saying his name remaining.
The way fire burns a photograph.
She went just like that.
He awoke with a start, eyes wide and his forehead in a clammy cold sweat, an all too familiar throbbing between his legs.
They never talked about it.
That was the thought Ichigo was pondering on as he opened his kitchen window, letting out the smoke that had accumulated inside because he accidentally burned a toast.
It was an odd thought, after all. They shared almost everything with each other, talking about their work, their kids, their free time, each other, their divorces... yet never did either of them have the courage to bring up.. bring up...
Ichigo couldn't force the blush rising in his cheeks away, as he threw the burned toast away in the bin.
The three, dream-like nights they spent together in the royal realm right before everything went down.
It made him think about it more closely. The reality was, despite how 'intimate' he and Rukia behaved with each other, acting as if they were lovers, they weren't- or at least, not a sure thing. Not just that, but despite how easy it was for them to exchange a kiss or a hug, it was just as difficult to actually talk about any of it.
They'd already kissed twice- one the night of the christmas party and again on New Years- yet it was now 4 days later and he realized they just never talked about it. That thought made him feel slightly anxious- what did it mean for them? Rukia was not the type to give people kisses casually, so her being accepting of it from or with him must mean something. But there was no sure way to know without asking her straight out- something that made him nervous, even though it shouldn't.
Ichigo leaned against the kitchen counter as he watched his toast in the toaster, wondering how to approach the topic with her with an odd, strained feeling. He almost felt worried, as if the longer such a discussion was postponed, the less of a chance he would have to be with her in the end- and that was something he had to at least try. He could not continue to live without at least asking her, just once. He'd accept it if she didn't want anything like that... but he had to try.
Rukia hummed softly as she approached the door of the Kurosaki clinic, opening the door and going inside. It was a lovely, cold January day, and her birthday. Usually she did not care much for it- aging wasn't as special when you could live to be hundreds of years old- but today felt special because she would get to spend it with Ichigo.
She had already been woken up with a card and pancakes made by Ichika- "birthday pancakes", she'd called them. She'd laughed at that, and they'd spent the morning together before Ichika left for her squad. She found herself pondering her life as she watched Ichika leave the house. She'd been alive for so long, it felt weird to think of everything that she'd been through.
There were good and bad things- but none of it was really comparable to becoming a parent. Ichika had been a mischievous, prideful little girl who liked to copy everything Renji did, even down to his hairstyle. She could recall the tantrums she had thrown as a toddler, screaming and crying about wanting "Daddy's hair" despite her own red tresses not yet being long enough for a ponytail. Or when she'd stolen a calligraphy brush off of her uncle's desk and painted all of the paper shoji doors with her baby doodles.
As a teenager who would soon be an adult, Ichika was slender and tall, far taller than she was, at 5 ft. 8- certainly Renji's genes taking effect and, according to Ichigo, she was taller than Kazui, who was only 5 ft. 6, a fact that Rukia was sure her daughter would've taken pride in. Her eyes had a more almond shape like Renji, even though as a child she'd looked exactly like her- with her scarlet hair shiny, straight and long- almost knee-length. She was a bit quieter as a teen too, though still with a fiery, vivacious personality. Her brother and Renji had also swung by, and she'd gotten to see them both.
Ichigo had told her the week prior to keep the date open for him, if possible. It was a work day, and Rukia never took work days off, but it was her birthday, and he had pleaded with her to just take the one day, so she relented. He also had told her to "dress nice" which made her wonder what on earth he was planning.
"Ichigo? I'm here," she called out as she opened the front door, heading inside. It was dark, and she wandered into the living area, trying to find a light to turn on.
She flipped the switch, jumping in surprise when she heard Yuzu, Karin, and Isshin call out, "Surprise!"
"Oh!" Rukia stood in shock at the scene before her. The dining and living rooms were decorated with streamers and balloons, and there was a very elaborate white and pink birthday cake on the table.
"Happy birthday, Rukia-chan!" Isshin crowed as Yuzu blew into a plastic kazoo, the noise obnoxious and funny. Rukia looked between the four of them with delighted eyes. "Oh my.."
Ichigo was grinning as he moved forward, grabbing her hand and pulling her over to the table, "Were you surprised?"
She looked up at him in disbelief, "Definitely."
They pulled her over to sing happy birthday, which made her blush, and then they took her picture with the cake before she cut it. It was wonderful to be able to spend a little time with them. It was not a long party, as Karin and Yuzu had to leave pretty quickly after, but Rukia hugged them goodbye and thanked them for the party.
Isshin left after them, patting her hand gently and asking her to "look after his air-headed son", which she laughed at and Ichigo hotly demanded he stop "being crazy".
She remained there for the rest of the night, they had dinner together and ended up in his living room watching movies together till midnight, curled up on the couch. Ichigo watched quietly, leaned back in his seat with Rukia curled into his side, looking sleepy.
He stared at her for a moment and gently touched her hair, twirling a piece of the inky long tresses to get her attention. She looked up at him, blinking with tired eyes. "Hm?"
He draped an arm over her casually, still twirling her hair in his fingers. "I have something for you."
She looked up at him in surprise. "Ichigo!"
"What?" he smiled at her teasingly and pulled a little box wrapped in ribbon, placing it in her hands.
"You've already done too much today," Rukia scolded, "And everything from Christmas, too- that was just a few days ago!"
"Come on Rukia, just open it." he tugged her hair lightly, making her blush and glare it him jokingly before she pulled the ribbon to untie it, lifting the little lid off of the box.
It was a ring, one thin and delicate white-gold. The band was studded with tiny, glittering diamonds. At the center was a flower- or was it a snowflake?- also made entirely of slightly bigger diamonds.
Rukia stared at it shiny-eyed in shock, then looked up at Ichigo with the same expression. "Ichigo.. I.."
He took the box from her gently, removing the ring from it. "I hope you don't mind how tiny it is... but I wanted something small that you could wear all the time, with your work and all. Something inconspicuous.."
He held a hand out to her, and wordlessly she put her left hand in his. He slid the ring on her first finger gently and let go, watching her hold her hand up and stare at it.
"Consider it a promise." he mumbled, and she looked at him, surprised when she realized he was actually blushing, and looking away rather than at her.
"A promise..?"
"A promise ring." he said, his voice coming out in a whisper, as if he was almost scared to say it loud.
She still stared at him with those wide eyes that felt as if they could see right through him, and she murmured, "What does it promise?"
"It promises that..." Ichigo paused in thought, "It promises that I'll always be here for, now... no matter what. That I want to stay with you, and be the person you love... if you'll take it."
"Oh, Ichigo.." Rukia's voice was breathless, "I don't know what to say..."
"Please," he pleaded softly, taking her hand in both of his. "I know it might be soon for me, Rukia, but... I know myself. My life has changed in every way possible in the last 18 years we've spent away from each other... now that I have a chance, I can't live without asking you, once. I love you, Rukia... if that's not what you want, I understand-"
"It's not that." she said suddenly. But she didn't continue her sentence, and instead collapsed against his chest, gripping him tightly, "Ichigo.."
He wasn't sure what to think, his hands moving around her gently as she spoke against the soft fabric of his shirt. "It's not that... that I don't feel the same way.. I-I do."
"Then?" he asked quietly, and she looked up at him.
"I think that you should have more time." she replied, looking up at him. His eyes were downcast, and she raised a hand up, placing it on his face gently. He leaned into her touch, and finally looked back at her.
"Time?"
"Yes.." she took his hand in hers. "Ichigo, I... I do want to be with you, for as long you'll allow it... I just think that we should take our time, not rush into things.."
"I don't feel rushed," he said in confusion, only pausing when she laughed in response and moved closer, kissing his cheek.
"I know. But for my sake, please... just give it some time," she whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You did last time."
She froze at the words, and Ichigo found himself regretting blurting it out before thinking. He reached out quickly, grabbing her hand. "Rukia, wait- I didn't mean to say it like that-"
"It's ok, Ichigo," she said softly, remaining in front of him with an unreadable expression on her face- one that made him fearful. "I... I know it's my fault you feel that way... all this time, I knew we'd have to discuss it eventually.."
Ichigo stood then, rising up far past Rukia and she watched as he took the remote off the sofa and shut it off before taking her hand and pulling her back to the seat next to him again.
"Talk to me."
So she did. They spent the next hour and half discussing everything they'd been avoiding- the reason for Rukia's sudden marriage and purposeful avoidance of him since then. He'd wept when she revealed it all to be for the purpose of protecting him, and in turn everyone else- something he hadn't stopped to think of for a moment.
Eventually the two drifted off sleepily, Rukia on one side of the sofa and Ichigo on the other. It wasn't until many hours later that Ichigo awoke, just as the sun was beginning to rise. His eyes opened sleepily in realization they were still in the living room, only- why did he feel so warm? He glanced down, blushing slightly in realization that Rukia was curled up on his chest, sleeping on top of him. Still, it felt too good, and he found himself quickly drifting off again, deciding to savor the little moments he could get with her.
They would be enough... for now.