Bell looked out over the lake, the bitterness he had before had faded and now all he could feel was regret. He kicked a small stone into the water distorting it. As he watched it sink to the bottom he thought about his mindset as of late. His anger, sadness even his disrespect to those how wanted to help him. Lili, Welf, Ryuu and Asfi all tried there best to ease his pain, but he just pushed them away. They didn't know! Wouldn't understand his pain. But he shouldn't have spoken to them so harshly. But what hurts the most was how he treated Hestia.

His goddess, his shining beacon someone he cared for deeply, she appeared and gave him a chance when nobody else would. Provided a home to rest his head and nurse his wounds. An unquestionable love and kindness that nobody else had shown him. To think he would be so quick to push her away after all she's done for him. The one person that could truly understand what he was going through and yet he never once saw past his anger.

"What kind of person am I… That I would push away the one person that gave me everything I have!"

He clenched his fist, his body cried out with rage directed solely at himself, he wasn't the only one that had lost someone, he wasn't the person that lost the most that day! He wanted to drop to his knees and beat himself for his stupidity and selfishness. But that wouldn't fix things, it wouldn't even begin to express how sorry he was.

'I don't deserve to be forgiven by her… No not after my actions! How can I even face her after all this time… I haven't spoken a word to her since we left the temple…'

He looked back in the direction of the camp, the faint glow of the fire just barely penetrated the tree line, the smoke rising up was more of an indication of how far away he was. Normally he'd go further away than this, just so nobody could find him. But when he found the lake, he carelessly accepted he'd gone far enough. But Hermes while annoying provided a much need wake-up call! He could finally see past the veil of sadness.

He took a couple of steps before stopping, each step just seemed to increase the pain in his heart and the doubt in his head. He took another step and then another slowly forcing himself forward. Once he reached the trees he stopped and punched it. He looked up felt something.. It was a cold chill, one he never felt before. He assumed it was just the air or a partially cold breeze.

'Ughh, no its nothing just my imagination.'

He took another step forward and then he heard it. A snarling like sound, he looked back and was met with nought but an empty field. But he could still hear the sound, he looked around and readied himself. The Hestia knife was the first thing that came to mind… But he couldn't bring himself to uses it. He instead started charging Argonaut up.

He kept searching but the sound seemed to grow fainter, he was going to put it up to his imagination again. But that sound was worrying.

"I hope it's not a monster! The last thing we need is to be attacked in the night…"

"There's only one monster I can see!"

Bell spun around, in his shock he through his fist at it, however to his shock he hit nothing but the tree, it's shattered and the resulting shock wave blew wood fragments in every direction. He watched the tree fall back and smash into the lake.

'Ughh what the fuck was that! I could have sworn I heard someone speaking!'

He took a moment to try and calm his thoughts, he looked at the trees stump and then the surrounding area… He couldn't see anything or anyone, so he turned around. But as he did, he stopped, his body started shaking at the sight. He couldn't understand why he was looking at his younger self.

"W-why...W-hats going on!"

He was at a loss of words. He didn't know if it was his brains playing tricks from a lack of sleep or an illusion intended to have him drop his guard. He took a step back when the visage looked at him and with a crude smile on its face. It was terrifying to look at.

"What's wrong? Can't you see the monster?"

It spoke, in a voice, he knew well. One of his youth! It was a perfect representation of him in his younger years. The shy yet curious part of him. But as it spoke he became even more confused.

"Monster what monster? What's going on here!"

His younger visage started laughing.

"What do you mean its right in front of you? Ohh that's right I forgot…"

It pointed its small fingers at him, he turned around but there was nothing yeah and once again the childish laugh echoed in his head.

"Ha-ha no not behind you… It is you. You're the monster!"

His body froze up, he couldn't bring himself to turn around and face himself or at least the form of himself. The laugh was off-putting but the harsh tone at the end was nothing like he heard before… But it was his voice.

"No...I-I'm."

"Monster! Monster! Monster!"

He clenched his fist as he turned around, he was annoyed, upset and angry. He forced himself to turn around he didn't care what it was. He threw his fist as he did but when he landed his eyes went wide with horror.

He expected it to disappear and be nothing, but as he looked at the body on the floor, he felt only regret. Instead of seeing himself, it was… A child a small boy one he didn't know. He laid on the floor, his face red and bleeding from the punch he has just taken. Bell dropped to his knees.

"N-no I...By the gods, W-what have I done!"

He moved his had forward, but all he could hear was crying. Tears streaming down the boys face as he looked in horror at Bell. With a fearful look the boy cowered into a nearby tree his screams and cries getting louder and louder.

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE MONSTER! SAVE ME!"

He watched the boy cower before him, his body froze up and his out stretched arm started shaking. He wanted to help but he only had to see what he had done to realise he couldn't. It was then he realised it, the voice had seemingly multiplied.

"What kind of a monster would do this!"

The child pointed to Bell.
"H-He did!"

Bell felt it the cold chill from before however he looked around and saw shadowy figures all around him, each a different voice. Men, women and children all gasped and pointed at him.

"MONSTER!"

"MONSTER!"

Each one said it again and again each taking it in turns, he watched and listened. He clamped his hands to his ears to drown out the noise but they just shouted louder!

"I'm not a monster...I'm.."

"A MONSTER!"

He tried to ignore them but each time they shouted it he felt a painful strike to his body. He shook his head as the tears of pain started to escape his eyelids.
"I'M NOT! I'M NOT A MONSTER!"

He shouted at the top of his lungs… But it didn't do anything, it was pointless to even try. He opened his eyes again, in the distance, a bright light shined, slowly coming closer to him. The shouts seemed to hush as another shadowy figure emerged, however unlike the others it seemed familiar. His tears made it hard to see but he realised how it was quickly the shadows dispersed and his goddess Hestia stepped forward.

"G-goddess…"

She paid no attention to him, in fact, she barely registered his existence, her eyes just seemed to look right past him. He was about to call out again but the child's crying returned and it seemed to grab her attention.

"It's okay, hush it's okay your safe now…"

She spoke with her usual calm and kind voice as she sheltered the boy in her arms. His cries dulled but the face of fear towards Bell remained. It was then he saw it the same look of disgust. But from Hestia of all people. Horror filled him as he thought his heart was about to be ripped out.

"G-goddess…"

"WHY BELL! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!?"

Her normally kind and cheerful words he hoped to hear from her was now a disgusted and angry question. He felt himself at a loss for words, he tried to close his eyes but he could still see her clearly.

"No NO! I-it was an accident I… I never wanted to…"

She let go of the boy and stepped closer to him her gaze looking down on him. Anger and disappointment all over her face.

"What to hurt him! Just like you didn't want to kill my friend!"

He clenched his heart as it retorted from the comment a searing pain like none other as he shook his head.

"No I never wanted to kill her I loved her I…"

He felt a force hit his face, a sharp stingy sensation, Hestia had thrown her hand and slapped his face before he could finish.

"SHUT UP! YOU LIE! IF YOU LOVED HER YOU'D HAVE NEVER KILLED HER!"

He held his swollen cheek. He was in pure shock that his goddess struck him, never had she raised a hand. He wanted to cry but she wouldn't allow it as another strike came.

"NO! YOU DON'T GET TO FEEL REMORSE! SHE WAS MY FRIEND MY OLDEST AND CLOSEST! BUT YOU NEVER SAW THAT DID YOU NO YOU ONLY THOUGHT OF YOURSELF!"

She pushed him into the dirt and gave him a look of pure disgust, he thought she might spit at the very sight of him.

"You wanted to be a hero, someone that could protect everyone… But you are far from a hero Bell! You're a monster! A monster in human skin! If I knew this was the real you, I would have never given you my blessing!"

He couldn't say anything, he was unable. All the words had left him and all that was left was despair. He couldn't move, his body had given up the physical pain she dealt was nothing compared to the emotional scars he was left with. With what little sight he had left he looked at her. She didn't say anything instead, walking away, the child holding her hand.

"G-go...Hes…"

"Do you see it know? No do you understand now…"

A voice called out from behind him but he couldn't see, he couldn't turn and try to open his eyes to look. But that didn't stop it from speaking.

"Hero? Adventurer? Orion? Which one applies to you now?"
"Your dream? A hopeless endeavour which you will never achieve."

"Your profession? One you hoped to become, to help those and slay the beasts? Or to kill monsters just because they exist!"

"Or the name she called you? A title bestowed to her protector her hero… A title you never deserved or earned!"

Whoever it was Bell couldn't tell, the voice was familiar… In fact, it was more than that but as he tried to think about it he realised he was losing consciousness. But his body didn't in fact the moment he did his eyes opened and he found himself looking at himself. But not his younger no his as he was now.

"Now you see me huh… that means your finally starting to see it."

Bell could feel all the pain from before, but it was like a distance memory, it was there but impossibly far. He turned to himself who now sat before him.

"Who are you?"

The visage laughed at him.

"You, or at least you back then."

"Back then?"

The visage nodded again.

"Argonaut and little rookie, the part of you before you became what you are. The part that never throws away his dreams and his promises. The part that chased after the sword princess trying to get stronger."

He leaned back, the forest disappeared, darkness surrounded them as he looked down at himself. A vision of the goliath appeared the moment he killed it and saved his friends. It was a proud moment for him. But it soon faded as the darkness swallowed it back up.

"Now I look at myself and all I see is a monster!"

Bell wanted to deny it, deny himself but it was a losing battle, the moment he tried his mouth closed shut and he lost the ability to speak.

"No no you don't get to speak. To talk back, not to me!"

The shadow of himself stood up and kicked him back onto his back stepping on his chest with his foot pressing down.

"You will listen and understand! You are a monster, a fool that gave up everything! Your dreams, your ideals even the ones you love!"

It pressed down harder on his chest he could feel his bones bending under the force, He closed his eyes and covered his ears.

"You can't hide from yourself Bell! You can't hide from your feelings! You know its true, you know what I am, who I am!"

The foot lifted off of him but quickly came back down, a large crack as his ribs shattered. He couldn't even scream, the pain went straight to his head. His eyes shot open and his hands clenched his side.

"You will listen!"

He lifted up the foot and walked to the side. He sighed as it stared into the darkness.

"The Argonaut, little rookie and now the Orion. So many titles and yet, in reality, what do any of them mean? The only one I can understand is Little rookie. Weak! Useless! Unable to save or help anyone!"

He started to laugh as if he had just been told a funny joke.

"Argonaut the hero of legend… Saved countless people and villages, the embodiment of what it means to be a hero. Yet what have we done to earn it huh. Beaten a Minotaur? Countless others have done it, nothing special. Our unique skill perhaps. A manifestation of our wish? No its a false title and one we never should have embraced!"

It continued to laugh almost mockingly.

"Haha I mean, you finally had a chance to prove it. You boasted your dreams and yet you couldn't even save one girl! What did you do? You collapsed to the ground and gave up. You failed to save someone in pain!"

He snapped his fingers and Bell watched in horror. Antares looming over him. The crystal holding Artemis open, her body lifeless yet still crying. It was forcibly burned into his eyes as the roars of the beast caused him to bleed.

"LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT THE ONE YOU FAILED!"

Bell cried, he cried till he couldn't shed any more tears, he screamed in his head begging for it to stop. But it didn't. It felt like an eternity of torture to Bell and it only ended when the shadow wanted to speak.

"Look at you, you're pathetic!"

He walked up to him and looked down spitting on him.

"Orion… That's what she called you. But tell me what would you think she'd say now if she could see you now for what you really are?"

Bell shook his head, he knew what was coming but he didn't want it to. He screamed for it to stop but nothing silence. His mouth was still sealed shut. He wanted to die, he couldn't bear to see her now. But he didn't have a choice the shadow image of Artemis appeared before him and just like Hestia it looked disgusted at the sight of him.

'PLEASE I BEG YOU STOP!'

The visage of himself rubbed her face with his hand.

"No you will look and listen. After all she is the one you loved… Just like Aiz no?"

Artemis stepped on his head and pushed his face into the void. He didn't deserve to look at her.

"I trusted you, gave my heart to you… You were Orion the one I loved… So why Bell? Why did you kill me?"

He felt his mouth unstitch itself, his first reaction was to breath and scream from all the pain, but he tried to push through to speak.

"I wanted to save you! I-I Never wanted you to die…"

He couldn't hold back the emotions that rushed through his body. He couldn't look at her even if she allowed him he couldn't, he felt like shit just hearing her voice.

"But you killed me… You no one else just YOU! YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME BUT YOU NEVER DID IT WAS JUST A LIE! A LIE TO MAKE YOUR ACTIONS JUSTIFIED. TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE THE VICTIM!"

He shook, his heart felt like it was going to die at any moment, part of him wanted it to, he didn't want this to continue, he didn't want her to say anything else.

"I hate you Bell! I hate you so just die!"

"Please… stop. Just stop! I get it please no more not her!"

Artemis disappeared and the visage kneeled down to him and sighed.

"Fine, you want it to end? Then admit it? Admit that you're a failure, a monster, that you no hero and no adventurer! Give up on your foolish dream!"

'I-I can't I…'

"You will, or this torment will never end! GIVE UP BELL!"

Bell got to his feet and grabbed his knife but his body didn't follow his orders instead it waited.

"W-why won't.."

The visage took a step forward.

"You can't hide from yourself Bell, I am you, and you are me. I know I'm a monster, Ive accepted that. You know it to, I'm just your subconscious reminding you!"

The visage started to fade as it stepped forward into his body.

"Accept this is the end Bell… Give up and finish it."

"I…"

Bell pulled out the Hestia knife, he looked at it. It represented everything he worked towards, and everything he had done. One by one the visages reappeared and surrounded him. Hestia, Welf, Lili, Ryu, Aiz, Syr his, grandfather and finally Artemis.

"End it"

They all spoke each one after another. He raised the blade to his heart and outstretched his arms. Artemis came up to him and grabbed his hands. She nodded to him with a smile.

"It's time Bell…"

He let out a final tear and nodded.

"Goodbye, everyone… I'm sorry I failed you all."

With that Artemis pushed the knife into his chest and everything went black. All the pain ceased to exist and he felt nothing. His body fell back into the darkness as it slowly swallowed him. In the distance a voice called out to him.

"Bell! Don't do it!"

Bell shot up screaming, clasping his heart his breathing was heavy as if he had just forgotten how to breathe. He looked around he was in his tent, next to him a small candle provided light however there was no sign of Welf or Lili.

'How did I get here?'

Last he remembered he was outside the camp. The memories flooded back as he tried to comprehend what just happened...

"was it a dream? But it felt so real."

He looked down at his body. Placing a hand over his heart there was nothing to suggest that anything happened. He was fine, which was a small relief but a part of him didn't feel it. No, the fact was he very nearly went through with it! His body started shaking at the idea but he took deep breaths.

'Okay calm Bell, just stay calm it was just a dream.'

He soon realised that someone was heading towards his tent. No doubt his screaming must have alerted someone nearby. He tried to compose himself quickly expecting Welf or Lili to walk in probably making sure he's OK. However, to his shock it was neither, the one who entered was Hestia. His heart sank remembering the reason he was returning to camp in the first place. But the thoughts from earlier clouded his mind. Her visage of hatred towards him came centre stage and he couldn't bare to face her. Not now, not like this.

"Bell it's me? Are you OK? I heard you screaming are you hurt? I'm coming in!"

Hestia had been standing not to far from the tent and to her sudden surprise she heard an almighty scream. Worried something was wrong she rushed to his side. His face was pale and full of fear. His hands were clenched up into the cover. Upon seeing her, his face turned away but she couldn't understand why.

'D-did he have another nightmare? No doubt it was to do with Artemis?"

Welf had informed her that he was having such nightmares. He'd wake up screaming in the night a cold sweat and pale face just like this. Apparently, he'd cry out for her begging forgiveness. Lili was a heavy sleeper so she never noticed but Welf had woke up to find out first hand.

"Bell... Are you okay?"

He didn't answer. Remaining as still as a rock.

"Bell please talk to me what's wrong?"

She reached out her hand to touch him however he must have sensed it as he quickly pulled away from her. This shocked and deeply saddened her. Why was he avoiding her touch? She became worried there was a reason for why he was being distant to her.

"Bell?"

She tried again and again. However, the more she tried to get his attention the less it seemed to affect him.

'Is he upset with me? D-did I do something wrong? Have I waited too long to come to see him? Ohh Gods please don't say its true!'

She lowered her head in shame, she knew that was the case after all. What she saw was more than enough to worry about.

'He tried to kill himself... What If I hadn't have been there...I-If I...'

She had gone to his tent to see if he come back. Hermes had mentioned he would be. When she found it was just Lili and Welf she began to worry. She decided to go looking for him it didn't take her long. He was slumped on the ground. She watched in horror as he raised the knife in the direction of his chest. He was really going to do it. She didn't hesitate as she rushed to stop him. She managed just to slap the knife away but the sudden shock must have hit him hard. He just fainted in her arms. She brought him back to his tent.

"You Idiot!"

She shouted causing him to turn around. However the moment he did he felt a sharp pain in his cheek. She slapped him. He moved back in shock but she came closer.

Bell was surprised. In all the time he knew her she had never once hit him. He looked at his goddess. She threw herself at him was holding back the tears but he could tell she wanted to let it all out.

"Why? Why would you want to kill yourself!?"

Bell just sat in horror. The realisation that what he had thought was a dream was actually reality. He actually almost went through with it. He almost killed himself. He clenched his chest, as the horror rushed over him.

'I-I I can't believe it! I really tried to kill myself.'

Hestia started to slam her fists against his chest over and over, it didn't hurt but the thought was damaging enough.

"Why didn't I see it sooner! Why couldn't I see that you were in this much pain... I'm a failure of a goddess. I-I'm sorry Bell."

He didn't know what to say. Even if he could he didn't have a response. He had spent the last nine days ignoring her never once taking notice of her or going to see her. Yet she decided to come to him. Her she was blaming herself when she was the reason he was still alive at that moment. He couldn't even bring himself to look at her. He didn't deserve her compassion.

Hestia, however, didn't give up she needed to get through to him somehow. The shock from before was still deeply engrained in her. She almost lost him. The only one person she had left that she was close to. she cared about his safety and well being more than anything at that moment, he was her only child she couldn't lose him.

"Please Bell just talk to me... I'm worried, scared and upset! I can't watch as you suffer alone!

She gripped his shoulders the tears dripping onto his chest, she pressed her head into it and cried. All the while she tried to get through to him.

"So please just please open up... I can't stand to see you like this! I never did please I know what she meant to you, but I can't watch you beat yourself up over it."

Bell turned his head to see his goddess. Watching her pour her heart out a huge wave of guilt hit him. He swallowed all his doubts. She didn't hate him, she never could she was too kind to go so low. He was a fool to think any differently. He wrapped his arms around her and held on tightly. He still couldn't look her in the face. But he wasn't going to try and hide from her.

"Goddess... I'm sorry I'm so sorry! Please don't hate me!"

Hestia was confused, she looked up at him his tears barely being held back. His hold was crushing but she didn't mind at least they were getting somewhere.

'Why is he apologising? Was it because he just tried to kill himself? But why? What could have possibly driven him to that point?'

The realisation hit her hard. It was why she wanted to help him talk to him sooner. She knew

'He blames himself for Artemis death! Does he think I'm angry at him for what happened? He saved her from a fate worse than death! I could never be angry at him!'

"Bell whatever your thinking don't! Whatever you blame yourself for don't! You have nothing to be sorry about... I know what you had to do was heartbreaking. I know it eats away at you. I never wanted you to have to make that choice and I'm sorry you did."

She brought her hands to his face. Pulling him closer so she was looking him in the eyes. She wished she hadn't all she could were them devoid of light.

"That's not true, I was weak! I've always been weak! I couldn't protect her, I couldn't save her, I don't deserve any pity… I'm a monster! A murderer!"

His hand clasped his chest. Tears were running down his face. He once again turned away from her not wanting her to see him like this. However, he soon found a familiar presence pressed against his back. Hestia had embraced him from behind she couldn't stand to see him like this she couldn't bear to see him beat himself up.

"Why? Why don't you hate me? I killed your best friend... I've left you to deal with that loss on your own. You should be angry at me, despise my very existence. So why, why do you...

Hestia tightened her grip around him. He could feel the tears dripping down his back. Part of him wanted to turn around and return the embrace and join her tears. But he still couldn't no matter how hard he wanted to. The guilt had set in and overpowered his ever thought.

"Idiot…"

Hestia was now digging her fingers into him, almost drawing blood.

"You mean more to me than anything in this world Bell. I've watched you grow from that shy boy to the man you are today. I've seen you at your best and you're worse. You gave me something to look forward to in life. Something I never had before. I could never hate you".

Bell felt a flood of tears stream down his face. Her words were from the heart he could tell. His mind was full of images of the two of them. The good, the bad and even the weird. The times she laughed and cried. The moments she cheered him on and gave him strength.

"So please Bell just look at me! If nothing else just that will do… Let me be your support through this tough time. Let me be the shoulder you cry on. Let me share your pain because I know what its like. Please, Artemis wouldn't have wanted to see you to like this."

There it was again the mere mention of Artemis and his mind was filled with conflict. However, he knew it wasn't gonna be used against him. So in that moment, he swallowed his doubts to respect for his goddess. Turning to face her and returned the embrace breaking out into tears. Hestia was glad she got him to cry. It was a needed release.

'I don't care if this all I can do for him right now. I'm just glad for the moment he isn't holding it all in.'

"It's OK, It's OK I'm here for you."

She held him until he had calmed down. His had released all those pent up emotions. Part of her didn't want to let go but she felt that there was not a lot more she could do at this point. It was late and the rest of the party would be returning soon. She had gotten through to him and she knew that there was a time and place to bring that subject up. But that wasn't now.

"Bell just promise me something? Don't ever attempt to take your own life again! Don't beat yourself up over what happened... She wanted you to be strong because she saw the best of you. I'm here for you and so is everyone else. None of us wants to see you suffer. So promise me."

"I promise Goddess"

Hestia turned her head to the entrance. Hearing Lili arguing with Welf outside the tent she thought it best to make a swift exit. She wanted to stay with him but knew someone would take issue with that. Part of her didn't care what they thought, but perhaps he needed to be around others and she didn't want to cause a scene.

"Goodnight Bell try to get some rest OK".

"I will goddess-sama and thank you... For everything."

She smiled but she was still worried inside something was off. He still seemed to be hiding something. With what she witnessed it wasn't something just one thing eating away at him and the whole conversation seemed off. Almost like he was keeping her at a distance. She shook the thought off.

'I'll continue this again soon. But for now, I'll just make sure someone keeps a close eye on him. Just in case he tries something stupid again.'

She made her way back to her tent after eyeing both Lili and Welf heading in her direction. She thought about telling Welf but decided not to it would only keep him up all night. So she just wished them goodnight before disappearing.

Bell, on the other hand just sat deep in thought. He knew he had to try and keep up face in front of her, he didn't need her worrying about him. He was conflicted about telling her about the dreams he had. However, that was just going to worry her further which was something he didn't want. He heard Lili and Welf coming towards him so he laid his head down and pretended to go to sleep.