Day 15. Hidden Scars. Spoilers for S3E18.
Characters: Alan, Scott
Warnings: Angst. Avalanche. Scars. Mention of Canon death
They all had them.
Scars from rescues. From accidents.
Scars that patterned the skin.
Scars that hurt, even after they had healed.
But the hidden scars, they were the worst. The scars that came from injuries not visible. Not visible and in some cases not healed.
Would never heal.
Like Scott's PTSD from his military career.
Like John and (much as he would deny it) the incidence with EOS.
Like Gordon and the hydrofoil.
Like Virgil and being shot down.
Like Kayo with her Uncle.
The five of them worked so hard, so very hard, to make sure that their youngest wouldn't have hidden scars like the rest of them.
Even if it meant gathering real scars in the process.
But they were too late.
For Alan's hidden scars were old and ran deep.
And the oldest was one he shared with Scott. Even if his brother didn't know it.
...
They had all assumed that he had not remembered. But he did. And occasions like the snow rescue that had threatened to bury him if Virgil had not been fast enough. There had been plenty of nightmares that night.
He was sat on the floor, playing with his cars while Scott was lying on the couch pretending to watch him when Alan knew he was really asleep. His brother had broken his arm yesterday and Mommy had said he'd be very tired because of the pain and Allie was to be quiet while playing. He could do that, he loved his brother.
Suddenly the ground began shaking and there was a funny noise. Alan looked up, confused. Mommy paused, then rushed over to Scott, shaking him awake. He watched his brother wake up, sleep disappearing when he saw their Mommy's face.
'We have to go, baby. Hold on to me now.' She held out her hand and Alan grabbed it while Scott took hold of his other hand and they raced for the door. But the noise got louder and the shaking was making stuff fall off the shelves.
Mommy changed direction and pulled them into the bathroom, it was closer. Scott jumped into the bath and pulled him on top, and then Mommy climbed on top, hugging them tightly.
He wasn't sure what happened next. There was so much noise, and then they were moving and it was cold and he was getting squashed.
And then he was waking up. He was the only one awake. Mommy was behind him and Scotty in front of him and he couldn't move. No one was responding to his calls and eventually he burst into tears.
He must have cried himself to sleep because the next thing he remembered was Scott calling his name and talking to him. He closed his eyes at Scott's encouragement, waiting for someone to rescue them.
But Mommy never said anything.
Ever again.
...
They thought that he didn't remember any of it. But he did.
He hadn't been asleep. He'd heard their Mom talking to Scott, reassuring him that everything was going to be alright, asking Scott to look after his brothers. Scott promised.
He heard his brother crying.
And he kept his eyes closed, praying that if he didn't open them then none of it would be real.
Nights like this those moments haunted his dreams.
A hidden scar that he could never – would never – share with his brothers. Scott never spoke about what happened, about their mother, and he was the best big brother in the world. He definitely lived up to his promise to their mom.
So he let them carry on believing that he didn't remember anything.
It wasn't his only hidden scar.
But it was his first.
And his deepest.