Willow sat at the table in the kitchen and opened her laptop. She sighed as she waited for it to start up as she heard the kettle boiling. She made herself a Chamomile tea before sitting at the table. She took a deep breath as she pressed record "Hi guys..."
"Hi guys its been a while since i posted anything so i thought i'd give you all an update on me" she said as she sipped her tea. "In order for you all to get the full story im going to have to take you all back to when i met Victor, it all stems from him and my stupid decisions..." Willow recalled as she opened up to the outside world, telling them everything since Jasmines birth up to Victors return.
"As soon as i saw him, everything came flooding back. The fear, the memories of the abuse i suffered at his hands. I was terrified. I hate that man for what he put my family through. He is relentless, he wouldnt stop until i was his. He attacked me multiple times. Backstage, on location shoots, even in my own home. He followed me back to the UK and raped me in my own bed. I had to be rushed to hospital following the UK attack as he made me have an unusually rare allergic reaction which caused temporary paralysis to my legs and for my breathing to almost stop. The only good thing to come out of that trip was i got to reunite with long lost sister, which a whole other story for another time. After i returned to the USA, Victor upped the ante. The attacks worsened, he began attacking me in public. The day before i went to go shoot the divas calendar in Mexico i found out i was pregnant. I had no clue as to who the father was. Was it Matt who i planned on a second with or was it Victors after he raped me? It was also in Mexico that Matt proposed" Willow sighed. She could feel tears building but hoped that none would come. "Not long after we arrived home had i been served papers. I had to go and testify at my exs parole trial. Victor attacked me there, in the hotel gym. My ex did not get parole, we got back to Cameron and a few days later i had an amniocentesis test. If you've ever had one of those, you know how painful and uncomfortable it is. A week after i had the test, Victor once again attacked me at Raw, pinning me against a wall by my throat. Demanding to know about the baby. It was also one of the worst days of my life, i started to get really bad abdominal pain and i collapsed at ringside. If Seth Rollins hadnt seen me, i dont know what would have happened. Seth pretty much saved my life. I miscarried that night and the doctors also discovered that i had cysts growing inside me. One had ruptured and that is what had caused my pain. They made Matt consent to life saving surgery and i had my left ovary removed" she said, feeling a tear roll down her cheek."We tiptoed around the surgery issue, i didnt know how to act around him, or him me. I needed time to absorb everything and i understood why he did it. We'd already lost a son, although we still didnt know who the father was at this point, Matt didnt want Jasmine to lose me. We had a long two weeks of recovery, i was still in a little pain when we headed to the Allstate arena which was where i got the phone call to confirm that Matt was our sons father. I never got the chance to tell him as Victor ruined it" Willow explained, feeling herself shaking as she drank her tea. "I spent the night at my sisters place, before being rushed to hospital. It was nothing serious, but it scared me. Matt and i had a rocky patch, i knew Victor was planning something huge as he'd been quiet since the miscarriage. Matt and i quietly chose the month we wanted to get married in and he surprised myself and Jas with a trip to Disneyworld. Two days later, everything changed."
Willow took a deep breath as she continued. "We were at the Amway centre in Orlando, Victor launched one of the most brutal, vicious assaults on me. He blackmailed me into leaving with him that night, threatening to hurt Jasmine if i didnt go. Victor held me captive for a month, what he did to me...i wouldnt wish on anybody" she said, unable to admit the unspeakable things she had endured. "I blacked out one day during an assault, waking in the trees behind the home i shared with Matt. I was covered in dried blood, bruises and mud. My entire body was calling out for him as I crept through the house, into our bedroom. I wish i hadnt as my heart broke. Matt was in bed with another woman. I was shocked so i quietly left the house, running into Jeff,Seth and Punk outside. They took me to my sisters place, where i got cleaned up and explained everything. Matt came by that night and i lost it at him. Everytime i saw him my whole body hurt. After that night, no one would see me properly until Summerslam. Victor kept a close watch on me, only letting me out to wrestle then it was back to the torment, the abuse, the torture. Summerslam came around and i knew i couldnt do it anymore. I couldnt keep going through what Victor was putting me through, it was killing me. HE was killing me. Matt and i talked that night for the first time in months. I told him everything. We snuck around whenever we could, it was made harder by Victor following me. But we made it work somehow. He had his suspicions, even attacking Trish when she was pregnant, and i love you for this Trish, she told him to fuck off. Victor beat me that night as i walked backstage. He tore my gear off me, my body black and blue from the previous abuse, my scars on show. Im lucky people caught him and tried to fight him off me, giving me time to run. It was that night Victor challenged Matt to the House of Horrors match. I didnt want Matt to do it but he was fighting for my freedom. I told Victor where i was staying, he followed us to a show where he broke my nose, beat me, punched me, slammed my head into a wall until i was unconscious. I woke up hours later in the same tiny cell that Eric had kept me in all those years ago. I waited a few days for him to leave and i just ran. I was in agony but i ran. I ran for six hours, through woodland along the highway. I had to get away. I ended up in hospital a few days later after collapsing and having what turned out to be a seizure. Halloween came around and it was the worst day. Matt held a small party, Jas picked out our costumes" she said as she found the photo of all three of them together, dressed as Ariel, Eric and Melody. "It was around 2:30 am when i went up to check on Jas, but i wasnt prepared for what i found. Victor had broken in to the house and taken Jas. I was numb, i was beyond angry. I wanted to kill him, as did Matt but Matt knew it would be a bad idea. Mom had to force me to take pain medication and a sleeping pill. I snuck away the next morning, headed to Ravenhearst where i saw Jasmines bow on the stairs. Victor caught me, dragged me by my hair to a room and beat the life out of me again. I managed to get away, back home where i collapsed on the floor and coughed up blood. Mom took me to go get some sleep and rest, but i couldnt do it. I needed Jas back. Matt found me a few hours later on the bed, barely breathing and rushed me into hospital. If you know me, then you know just how much i hate hospitals" Willow said, as she took a deep breath. "The house of horrors match came round really quickly, and you all know what happened. If you havent seen it, im pretty sure its on the Network or Youtube. What happened after, i dont even remember. I know i went numb for the entire time Matt was in hospital, no one would tell me the extent of his injuries, i practically had to force it out of Seth later that week. I was like a walking zombie, i couldnt eat, couldnt sleep. The day Matt awoke in hospital, i went to visit him as did Victor. I had a really bad panic attack when we came face to face, where he claimed that we were to be married at the end of the year. I ended up going to bed early, i was exhausted. But i woke up a few hours later and i wasnt at home, I was back in Ravenhearst"
"November passed by quickly, i hadnt seen anyone for almost a month and i was feeling awful. I was in pain, vomiting, barely eating or sleeping again. I was terrified that i was going to die in that place. Mom came to get me away from that place one morning, she could see that i was sick so she took me to the hospital to get checked out before taking me to Matt and Jas. As we drove back, Victor re-released a tape of me and my ex from years ago and i told mom that Victor wanted to marry me on Christmas Eve. I didnt want to marry him, i couldnt. Luckily mom saw through me and got Matt to surprise me at her place. I broke down when i saw him, told him everything Victor wanted and that i was sorry for putting him through this" Willow said as she took a sip of her tea before continuing "Mid December i woke up next to Matt around 4am, remembering that day was supposed to be our wedding day. I admitted to Matt that i didnt even have my dress so he suggested going shopping with the girls. We had eight days after that day before Victor forced me into marrying him. Matt swore he would never stop fighting for me, he always believed in me,in us, even when i gave up hope. Those eight days flew by and before we knew it,we were on our way to Vegas. If my sister hadnt have come up with her plan, then i defiitley would not be sitting here right now. If she hadnt managed to get myself and Matt to that chapel in Vegas then i would be dead. Rotting away in Ravenhearst, noone knowing what would have happened to me." she sighed. "The wedding from hell, as we called it kicked off Raw. I was terrified, i was nervous. But i knew deep down that what we'd done that afternoon was absolutley the right thing to do. I had no idea the entire roster was going to be coming out. Or that Punk was to object, i was just happy he did. Even when the wedding video was shown, i just didnt care anymore. When Victor attacked me in the ring, he showed the world who he was. He was arrested that night and our nightmare was over, or so we thought. Matt and i got married for the second time that day, in the middle of the ring on Raw i announced i was pregnant with Ruby and i can honestly say, that was the first time in a long long time that i had been truly happy. I had everything i ever wanted"
"Christmas was crazy. I was getting used to being free, being married, twenty weeks pregnant. I was slightly overwhelmed by everything so im glad that we decided to do a light christmas lunch. That night we got the shock of our lives. The girl i caught Matt in bed with turned up with a baby, claiming Matt was one of three potential fathers. One night into our marriage and i felt so betrayed. I had a panic attack, and left the house. I couldnt stay there. I ended up going for a walk and stayed at my sisters place, where she and her partner found me in the morning. I told them what was going on, before feeling the worst pain in my abs and collapsing. I woke in hospital all they discovered was that Ruby was growing in an unusual spot but everything was ok otherwise. Matt and i talked that night, but until we knew the truth about this other baby, we were in limbo. The weeks after were long and hard, and i thought i was over being scared until i heard a voice calling me a nickname i hadnt heard since my dad Mike died. Matt and i had a really good talk that night, we decided to try to move forward and he got a call saying that a paternity test had been arranged for the following day. It was also around that time i got offered the chance to do the X Factor. I agreed to do it, with it being in New York and that i would be with Brooke and Jasmine, Matt able to come every weekend and whenever he was free" Willow said, now over an hours filming. "Two days later, the nightmare returned. I was on the phone to Mom, who had taken Jas and Nevaeh out to the movies for a few hours when i had a knock on my door. Instant regret when i did, there in front of me was Victor. I was terrified, i said his name loud enough for mom to hear on the phone. I tried to get away, i fought him but he was too strong. He slapped me, i fell and hit my bump on a table. I managed to crawl to the stairs where i felt a stabbing pain where Ruby was, just as Victor slammed my face into the stairs. I kicked him and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door and hid in the shower. Victor pounded on the door, calling me every name under the sun. I felt wetness running down my leg and i feared the worst. I passed out as i heard him running off. Luckily mom found me and got me to the hospital. Ruby survived the attack, despite me losing blood. I ended up with bruising and a bump on my head and that was it. We also found out that we were having another girl, hence Ruby. A few days later Matt got the phone call to say that the paternity test results were in, and the child wasnt his"
"Matt and I held a small ceremony for those unable to make it to Vegas before we headed off to New York. It was actually a surprise and i still have no clue as to how Matt pulled it off" she said tearfully, as she found photos of that day. "That night it changed quickly. I took a bath but the water turned red. I was bleeding heavily, i thought i was miscarrying again. I hadnt, the cysts had returned and one had ruptured. As mom and i left the hospital, the names of the contestants for the X Factor was released and my exs name was on it. The one whos parole hearing i had to go testify in. Matt picked me up from the hospital, we didnt head to New York straight away, we had a few days to ourselves on the beach before heading to Delaware for Raw where Victor attacked me once more. I dont remember everything that happened, i remember my face being bloodied, the kendo shots on my back and the three broken fingers. We drove to New York that afternoon. The nickname guy followed me there, he also used my sisters nickname and was now targeting us both" Willow said as she wiped away a tear. "One weekwas particularly hard. Brooke was voted off, but still stayed in New York with me. My ex was pretty much stalking me at this point, as was Victor, although he couldnt try anything at the studio. I was on a skype call with Matt, who was back in Cameron, when his ex turned up at the house. He only muted the call instead of ending it and..." Willow said shakily, knowing what she was about to admit "and i saw them have sex multiple times in our living room. I drove back that night, despite the risks to me and Ruby i had to go confront him. When i told him what i saw he denied it, but then it dawned on him i knew. He knew i knew he was lying so i told himm to give me space and time. I have never felt as hurt, as betrayed, as broken as i felt that day. I wasnt thinking straight at all and i said some things i didnt mean to certain knew i was a mess and still they stuck by me. Once again i was barely eating or sleeping. Victor attacked me in the house in New York, only for me to be saved by my ex. Matt turned up at the hospital, I couldnt be around him, i didnt want to see him. Duet week was the worst, he turned up unannounced and tried to force me into talking to him and i lost it at him. i screamed at him, yelled told him we're done. I ended it. That night i probably made things worse by going out with a friend and sleeping with them. We both felt guilty the following morning but we carried on for a few weeks. I was still battling my feelings for Matt, when i started to lust for this guy. I still had a pain where Ruby was growing, and it was getting worse. I started vomiting blood. Victor was still lurking as was the nickname guy. The first week we did two songs i just about did a passable rendition of my first song, i keeled over in my dressing room. The second one my head was spinning. I barely heard anything the judges or Christy were saying, i got just got offstage where Brooke was before collapsing. I dont remember much about what happened next, just that i was extremely dehydrated and the cysts were getting worse and worse. I also ended it with the guy i was sleeping with after i found out he had feelings for me. The girl Matt cheated with also turned up at the New York place, demanding to speak to him. I had no strength or patience to deal with her. Luckily Christian came downstairs with Matt on facetime as i ran to the kitchen and vomited blood. Matt saw everything and came to New York the next night" Willow sighed, as she took another deep breath before continuing. "It was a mix of emotions seeing him again. Part of me wanted to kiss him, the other part still didnt trust him. I couldnt sleep so i went downstairs and had the network on, watching the Summerslam that we got together. Matt heard and came down, we had a good talk that night. We spent the next few weeks trying to reconnect as a family and as a couple, but i was getting tired. The pregnancy, the show, the illness everything was just taking up all my energy and i was exhausted. I collapsed on night in my room where i was on the floor until the morning when Brooke found me. Matt was on the road, 500 miles away so Brooke called Seth to meet me at the hospital. Im glad i had a friend there as a doctor managed to perform a biopsy on one of the cysts. I got my results a few weeks after the X Factor ended, they came back as inconclusive. They caught the guy who was using my old nickname to scare me, turned out to be my ex. He did it to scare me away from the competition. I went back to the hospital for more tests once we got home. One of the recommendations was to abort Ruby, to focus on getting me to 100 percent. I gave them a cold hard no, I was having Ruby no matter what. Going to Mania to watch Matt win the title pretty much wiped me out. I went into labor with her, just over two weeks later when Matt was in Austrailia. It was an incredibly long, hard labour at twenty six hours. Matt wasnt able to be there for the birth, but he was able to watch and support me via facetime. Then it all changed again"
"Two hours after Rubys arrival, i had the most excruciating pain. I passed her to mom before i became breathless and collapsed, having yet another siezure. I was bleeding heavily and was rushed in for emergency surgery. Matt arrived as i was getting out of surgery, i needed three blood transfusions. Ruby had been growing on top of a cyst, compressing it and as she was coming out, it reinflated and ruptured. It was touch and go for a while, that first month was so hard. I struggled to bond with Ruby and the medicatation i was on wasnt helping. I was constantly tired, with little to no energy. I also finally got a proper diagnosis and ive kept this quiet from pretty much everyone, except a few close friends and people i trust" Willow said as she took a deep breath and for the first time in almost two years admitted "It was cancer. Im not going to lie, it hit me hard. Here i am, almost 29, two young daughters, always been healthy and now i have a cancer battle. Victor also reared his ugly head the same day and sent Matt a voice recording of a conversation i'd had in New York with the guy i'd been sleeping with, where we both admitted we had feelings building up. Victor had taken it completely out of context but Matt didnt care. He threw me out that night and i spiralled out of control over the next six months. Matt moved on with the girl he cheated on me with. He moved on so quickly and it hurt everytime i saw him. I still loved him, i still held out hope. Maybe deep down theres a part of me that still does. There was a near death incident with Jas, which im not going into right now, and i ended up moving back to the UK for a while, where i underwent treatment for the cancer and was also diagnosed with extreme anxiety and PPD, which turned into a case of PTSD depression. I was drinking heavily again, and self harming" Willow admitted tearfully, the first time she'd talked about the split.
"While i was in the UK i was offered the chance to pose for an exclusive magazine. I had no problem with the magazine or the offer, but i did deliberate it for a while as they wanted me to pose naked or in very little clothing. I talked it over with some friends and i agreed to do it, and that is how i met Harriet. Harriet was the photographer and she was so amazing and patient with me. Never forcing me to do anything i felt uncomfortable with, she made me look really really good when i felt like shit. I had so much self doubt in my head and she made me feel like me for the first time in forever. Harriet actually tracked me down to find out if i wanted these ugly ass scars photoshopped out, but i told her to keep them in because they are a part of me and you guys all know about them anyways. We started hanging out and before you know it, she asked me out on a date and i agreed" Willow said, as she took another sip of her tea. "That was another thing i had to work out in my head. It was my first relationship since Matt and I split, my first relationship with a woman. Was i lesbian, bi? All i knew is that when i was with her, i was happy for the first time in a long time. She was such a huge support when i went for my treatments, letting me sleep, looking after the girls for a few hours. I found myself falling hard for her and fast. We were good for seven months until Matt turned up, completely out of the blue"
"Matt turning up shook me. I wasnt expecting to see him. I'd filed for divorce, the papers turned up the same day he did. We hadnt spoken in a year and yet here he was acting like nothing had was still unaware of my cancer and i didnt want him to know. I didnt want to see him, i didnt know whether to kiss him or punch him. We argued for weeks after his arrival. It was only when i practically collapsed in his arms after a rough treatment did i finally open up to him. I told him everything. The cancer, the depression, the drinking. I had forgotten just how easy it was to talk to him. I was still with Harry, but it was starting to get rough between us. About a month after Matt turned up, Harry and i split. It was rough, messy but it came down to us realising that we both wanted different things. I had planned to move back to the US, Harry had an amazing job lined up in Australia. I tried to be strong but i was hiding my depression. It wasnt until Matt caught me one night with a knife in my arm did i tell him the truth about the cutting. I was so confused, i still had feelings for Harriet and my feelings for Matt were slowing creeping back. I couldnt act on them, not even when he got everyone over for my 30th birthday" she said, taking a deep breath as she continued. "That day was one of the better days. Everyone i loved was here, i got the call to say i was in remission and that Victor had been caught and arrested. Its still sinking in that hes gone, the divorce came through a few weeks ago and now im here. Single, not wanting a relationship with anyone, focussing on myself and the girls. I start therapy next week for my depression and anxiety. Im also bi-sexual, i love men, women and when im ready im open for a relationship with either sex"
"Matt and i are currently working on being co-parents and friendly with each other. Who knows, it may all change in the future but i thought you guys deserved to know whats been going on with me these last two years. So there you have it, im divorced,bi and just a little bit messed up" Willow said as she ended the video, she saw that she had been talking for nearly 3 and a half hours. She saved it before uploading it to her social medias before heading to bed.