Bonus Day: Clowns.
TOS-verse
Characters: Parker, Penny
Warnings: Clowns, Gunfire, Implied romance
The first time she was six.
Papa had promised a clown for her birthday and she'd been looking forward to seeing how that would be an improvement on the fairy godmother the year before. She was a precocious child, she knew this, but that was because she was very bright.
Parker had been with them for about six months and Penny was already smitten with him. She was a naturally curious child and Parker, nominally appointed as her bodyguard, was just as smitten with her. He'd begun to teach her to pick locks.
Just in case.
On the day of the party the house was full of screaming kids. It was the weekend before Christmas and because it was England it was pouring with rain. Despite her guests, who she'd made sure were comfortable and enjoying themselves as a good hostess should, Penny was sitting on a windowsill watching for the clown car.
A funny-coloured squat car pulled up, and a person in large spotted oversized trousers got out. They had on a white vest with red braces, and green hair. She was most interested to see the person take a pair of giant shoes from the boot and turn around.
And drop them on the floor and hold their hands in the air.
Huh. She moved around to see what was going on. To her surprise Parker was there, body rigid and gun unholstered. He was pointing at the clown and, she assumed, was shouting at it like she'd seen him do once before when a reporter had gotten too close to her.
The clown hurriedly picked up the shoes, threw them in the car and drove off at high speed. Penny turned her attention to her friend and was surprised to see him pull out a large handkerchief and wipe his face. No sign of the gun at all.
Very odd. She skipped out of the room and made her way over to the front door. Parker had just entered.
'M'Lady.'
'Parker.'
'H'I'm afraid that the clown couldn't make it.'
'Oh. Well, that is a disappointment. How will I entertain my guests?'
'H'I'll fink of sommfink.'
Parker had been an eye-opener that day.
...
Penny had long forgotten that incident but recalled it to mind when something similar happened.
She was 21. Just home for the summer holidays from her finishing school. Parker had picked her up in FAB1 and they were on their way home to her London House.
In front of them was an ice cream van. On the top was a clown's head. It was going around in a circle, eyes moving from side to side. The music was slightly off key.
Penny watched with interest as Parker's knuckles were tightly gripping the wheel. She was pretty sure that if he wasn't wearing gloves his knuckles would have been white. Parker's breathing was heavy.
And then he snapped.
Flicking a switch and muttering under his breath, he pressed the button. Gunfire rang out and the clown's head disintegrated into dust. The van pulled over and Parker neatly swung around it and drove calmly away.
'Is everything alright, Parker?'
'Perfektly fine, M'Lady.'
Penny added the incident to the list of 'things that Parker does that I don't quite understand.'
...
This last incident was the worst though.
She and Virgil had been walking through the streets of Paris. Just a simple lunch followed by a stroll. They mingled with the people. Penny loved Paris and the ability to be just one of the crowd rather than Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward and her Beau.
They hadn't gone far when Parker had leapt out in front of them, gun extended and shouting for all he was worth.
People screamed and scattered, but the object of Parker's ire was frozen like a statue.
The clown's hands were in the air, and in one was a gun. At Parker's barked command they spun slowly around and dropped it, kicking it away before lying face down. Penny bent down to retrieve the gun.
'Parker, this is a water pistol.'
'Oh. Sorry M'Lady.'
'You know, Parker, I think it's about time we addressed your coulrophobia.'
'My what, M'Lady?'
'Your fear of clowns. Preferably before you shoot one.'
'Yes, M'Lady.'
Penny patted Parker's arm in sympathy as Virgil helped the poor clown to its' feet. She'd get him the best help money could buy.
After all, she couldn't really have a bodyguard that might shoot an unsuspecting clown at any moment.
Think of the scandal.