Thundercracker sits relaxed on the roof of Nacelle and Prowl's two-story home, looking out at the beautiful neighborhood they live in.
Everything had been so different and strange when they landed here.
The peace and quiet most of all after the chaos he had lived in for as long as he can remember.
On their first day here, Nacelle had taken them out on a walk down the streets without a care in the world, showing them the area on foot instead of safely from the air, citing that they would miss out on the socialization if they did it from the air.
He and Skywarp had shared a glance, fear mirrored in their fields, but the lack of fear in Nacelle's had finally convinced them that it would be safe.
They had been introduced to most of Nacelle and Prowl's neighbors during their first walk, and now they all nod in passing whenever he and Skywarp are out on their own.
So strange.
They don't even know them but act as if they do.
And most curiously, there is no deceit in most of their fields.
Before coming here, he would never have imagined something like this existed.
But this is apparently normal and happening all over the planet.
Normal life.
Not the life they had lived for so long.
Just... life as any other civilian who wakes up in the morning to go about their daily routine - without constant danger waiting for them, without constantly fearing for their life.
Just... pure and simple normalcy.
As it should have been for them too.
He lifts his gaze to the sky, watching the skies slowly drift by.
Normalcy for him and Skywarp is not the same as normalcy are for everyone else, and it will take a long time before they have acclimated to their new life.
To the unfamiliar freedom without fear, they now have.
What does he want to do with the life he has now been given?
His first identity had been a famous journalist.
His second identity he still knows little to nothing about.
But what would they have done if life had treated them differently?
What would the first Thundercracker have done if life didn't go so wrong for him?
What would the second Thundercracker have done with the life he had been given had he been allowed to continue to exist?
At the second memory upload a few days ago, Athena had handed him a datapad with legal documents as a gift from Torment, and he had first understood what kind of gift he had been given when he had had time to read the documents after he had recovered from the dreaded spontaneous memory recalls resulting from the upload.
The legal documents had been the official documents belonging to a newly created bank account in his name that had enough shanix on it for him and Skywarp to buy a nice, sizeable home and live a carefree life.
'As promised. The shanix on this account is traceable and have all been earned legally, preventing the authorities from legally seizing them should they discover from where they originate.'
He had held the datapad against his chest while he tried to regain his composure.
When Torment had promised that he and Skywarp would never lack anything, he had never imagined this.
Everything in the world revolves around shanix. The currency opens the door to countless possibilities as long as you have enough. And where he never before had worried about it, barely knowing anything about the world before leaving the safety of the Polyhexian Cartel, he now never will.
Now he can choose for himself what he wants with life without worrying about where their next cube of energon will come from. Something he can't thank Torment enough for because while he is healing and getting better and better, he will never become like ordinary people.
There is so much he doesn't understand about the world.
How it all works together.
He has so much to learn and discover.
That is why he, after talking with Nacelle about his possibilities, has decided to go to school like any other youngling in their society to learn it all from the bottom as his first identity once had.
It is the first step in taking custody of his own life.
In becoming fully independent.
Thundercracker kneels on the floor with his hands bound behind his back and stares defiantly up at the Syndicate's nine leaders.
"You won't get away with this! My editor knows where I am. They will come for me!"
I know you can hear me, Thundercracker!
Torrent circles him, and his wings twitch nervously in reaction to the sadistic glint he sees in his former lover's optics.
Why in Primus's name could he fall in love with someone as morally deficient as Torrent?
He had been deeply flattered when the sire gallantly approached him during a party and had shown a deep interest in his work as a journalist. They had talked the whole night about the widespread corruption in society and how it could best be combated.
Torrent turned out to have a deep insight into the political situation, and they decided to keep in touch.
Please try to fight free of the memories!
After two weeks, their relationship became more intimate when Torrent seduced him into berth after a long evening of pleasant discussions.
It had escalated from there, and he had been so blinded by the sire's charm that he didn't notice the warnings before it was too late.
He was in love and had a hard time accepting that something was wrong with their relationship.
Months went by, and the feeling that something was wrong grew.
He had felt foolish when he began researching his lover, but it soon turned into confusion when he couldn't find anything about Torrent.
Please, Thundercracker! You have to fight them!
The proposition to join the Syndicate came not long after, and he had reluctantly agreed to meet with Torrent's connections to learn more about his mysterious lover.
He should have contacted the authorities the moment he learned about the extent of the crimes the Syndicate committed. But his discovery of the secret organization would be the biggest story of the century, and stupid as he had been, he couldn't let it slip away.
"I'm afraid Particle is a bit indisposed," Torrent mocks with a knowing smile.
"I'm ready," Retrograde states when she finishes the final calibration of the equipment, and Thundercracker struggles violently when Torrent lifts him.
"You won't get away with it! They will find you!"
Hotspot is administering the sedative now!
He is placed face down on the surgical table and fixed to it with solid straps that completely immobilize him.
"Erase it all."
"As you wish," Retrograde answers excitedly, and the drill activates with an ominous high-pitched whine.
Thundercracker screams in excruciating pain while the drill slowly pierces the plating that protects the area where his spinal strut connects with his processor.
"Let's see what this naughty little processor has found out."
The drill stops, but the pain remains, and he jerks violently when something invades his processor through the incision in the back of his head.
"NO! STOP! What are you doing?!"
Thousand of connections get established between the invader and his processor, and his whole processor tingles unpleasantly as data is downloaded directly from his mind.
"STOP! PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS!"
"Keep begging," Torrent whispers lecherously into his audial. "It turns me on seeing you like this."
"Download complete. Now for the fun part."
Error in the registration database. Origin corrupted. Restoring... Restoration failed-01. Restoring... Restoration failed-02. Restoring... Restoration failed-03. Corruption is unable to be restored. Data stored in sandbox awaiting further assessment. ?Unknown0000.
Thundercracker turns to the director again, his optics meeting Mega - Error-1636! Can't compute!
"You need to listen to me," Thundercracker whispers urgently to Skywarp in pure desperation. "Torrent is close to killing you because you won't submit to him, and I don't want you to die. You have to - Error-1637! Can't compute!
Thundercracker's spark fills with joy at the confession of love he has longed to hear from - Error-1638! Can't compute!
Error! Can't compute!
Error! Can't compute!
Error! Can't compute!
Error! Can't compute!
Warning - Overheating!
Overheat - Critical!
Self-Preservation Protocol - Activated.
Emergency Shutdown - Imminent!
Stasis - Initiating!
3...
2...
1...
Thundercracker onlines his optics slowly, feeling a pounding headache as he regains consciousness.
"Are you back with us, Thundercracker?"
Hotspot's gentle question sounds like a roar in his processor, and he winces in reaction.
"I take that wince as a yes."
Good, because as he is feeling right now, there is no chance he could have given a verbal answer.
He is feeling far, far worse this time than he usually does after waking up from the spontaneous memory recalls, and something feels wrong, but he can't quite put a word on it. It is as if something within him can't find peace. As if he is on high alert, on the lookout for immediate danger.
"Something is wrong this time, Hotspot." He says when he finally finds his vocalizer, looking between Hotspot and Athena by his side.
"Can you explain to us how what you feel is wrong?"
"I can't quite explain it. A wisp of fear and terror, but I have no idea why I feel it."
Hotspot moves out of sight, most likely to look at the live images taken during the spontaneous memory recall. And Thundercracker waits anxiously for the Clinical Professor to return with a logical answer and a solution to the issue.
But it is not an elated Hotspot that returns at his side.
"I have vie-"
Hotspot's voice suddenly becomes distant and incomprehensible as darkness overtakes Thundercracker's entire vision. He is no longer in the scanning room of the Neuropsychiatric Laboratory but living a nightmare while wide awake.
?Uknown0000. Unpacking data from the sandbox. Scanning data. Assessing corruption. Running restoration - 01-0984. Restoration - Successful. ?Retrograde01/Thundercracker01/?Torrent01. Verified. Data stored. Retrograde01/Thundercracker01/Torrent01.
When Thundercracker suddenly sits up with a terrifying scream of pure terror, optics wide with agony and unadulterated fear, Skywarp flinches back in utter terror at the blue seeker's spontaneous inexplicable reaction.
"Thundercracker!" Hotspot says, trying to get a reaction from Thundercracker, but it is as if the blue seeker's awareness is elsewhere.
He lets out a curse so unlike him that Athena stares at him in shocked surprise.
Whatever the spontaneous memory recalls do, it is getting worse and worse for Thundercracker.
He would have liked more time to study the phenomenon to have more to base a solution on, but as it is, there seems to be no ready solution, and they are running out of time.
Thundercracker clearly can't handle what the uncontrolled memories do to him.
As of this moment, they will have to wait with further memory uploads until they have devised a working solution to the problem.
"Thundercracker?"
Thundercracker ignores Nacelle's presence entirely, staring unseeing into the wall of the room he and Skywarp use to recharge in, in Nacelle and Prowl's home.
"You need to talk to someone about what you experienced."
A tear starts to run down his cheek.
How can anyone ever understand what he saw, what he remembered, and still remembers.
The sheer agony.
A shudder runs down his frame.
He senses Nacelle sitting down beside him.
"I can't begin to imagine the pain you must have felt from the memory you spontaneously received, but the only way I can begin to understand and help you is if you open up and tell me about it."
He remains unmoving.
"Skywarp is worried about you. We all are. Athena keeps contacting me to hear if you have opened up about what you experienced. Torment too."
How can anyone understand what it feels like to be erased?
To feel as you, bit by bit, vanish into a gaping nothingness until you simply are no more, but this time you remember it all, over and over and over and over. Endlessly having it happening on repeat.
"Take it away."
There is a long-stretched silence.
"I would if I could, Thundercracker, but I can't," Nacelle says apologetically.
After two weeks of no progress in getting Thundercracker to open up about the traumatic experience, Hotspot comes on a home visit to see him. And where everyone else had been coddling him and begging him to open up, Hotspot goes straight to the point.
"In the time I have known you, I have never experienced you being someone who simply gives up when life treats you hard. You kept fighting on, and look at where it got you. You have survived and overcome the impossible, so to see you lie here in self-pity because of a single memory is, to be honest, pathetic, Thundercracker."
The words are unkind and hurtful, and he grows angry hearing them.
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!
WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LET HIM BE!
"What had you honestly expected had happened for you to have forgotten everything? For you to possess memories not belonging to you specifically?"
The questions awaken something within him, and the anger dies down.
What had he indeed expected?
Definitely not this!
But how else could it have happened?
"Only one identity can exist at a time in your processor, whereas your spark has stored the data belonging to all three of your lives. It is your spark that is the reason you get these spontaneous recalls, there is no other explanation, and it is your spark that likely can help you control them as well with a little assistance from someone close to you."
He lies there in silence, mulling over Hotspot's words.
"Don't let Torrent win over you from the grave. Have Nacelle contact me when you are ready to go forward and become an active player in your life again."
Hotspot's tone is scathing as he expresses his disappointment, which hits home hard within Thundercracker. He senses Hotspot leave the room, the Clinical Professor ignoring the overwhelming emotional reaction he had caused by mentioning Torrent entirely.
But the visit had been the wake-up call Thundercracker so desperately needed because a few days later, he had left the room with renewed determination in his spark and an unfaltering will to make the most of the life he had been given.
A life that had been so easily taken from his former selves.
And now he is back at the Neuropsychiatric Laboratory to hear more about Hotspot's solution.
Hotspot sits behind his desk, looking at Thundercracker, Skywarp and Nacelle.
"I have studied all the data collected during Thundercracker's seizures, and there is only one logical explanation, as I told Thundercracker a few days ago. The spontaneous memory recalls originate from his spark. Knowing that they come from the spark makes it nearly impossible to do something about their spontaneous occurrence. But there is one possible solution, although it is purely hypothetical and cannot be tested beforehand - spark bonding."
Skywarp and Thundercracker share a glance before they both look at Nacelle.
Then Skywarp looks back at Hotspot.
"The same as Nacelle and Prowl's?"
Hotspot had expected their cluelessness on the topic and offers both of them a datapad with the most basic information about spark bonding.
"This is the information every youngling in our society is taught before reaching maturity. It will give you a basic understanding of what spark bonding is and what happens when you decide to bond your spark to a partner. And to answer your question, Skywarp - what I suggest as a solution is indeed the same type of bond as Nacelle and Prowl share."
Nacelle nods as he holds Thundercracker's gaze.
"It is not something to be suggested lightly because spark bonding should never be rushed. It is permanent, and there is no regretting it once it has happened. A bond is for life. Not all couples decide to bond their sparks, not wanting the invasion of another in their spark, no matter how much they love the other. It is a personal decision that no one but the pair themselves can make." He chimes in as someone who has experienced it on his own spark and is living with the influence of another's spark.
Hotspot smiles reassuringly to them at the warning in Nacelle's explanation.
"So I don't expect it to be an immediate fix, but something you should seriously consider and talk about. If it doesn't feel right for you, then I will work on finding another solution."
Even if it is near impossible with the spark causing the issue.
There is so much they still don't understand about their life force and how it affects their lives, but with every passing day, scientists all over the planet get closer and closer to understanding and solving the mystery.
Himself included.
Thundercracker's unique case has opened doors previously locked to the scientific world, answering some of the most challenging questions and leading them in the correct direction in future research into the mysterious interaction between spark and mind.
When he publishes his findings, the hunt for answers will be intensified, and, one day, their discoveries will help Thundercracker and Skywarp if spark bonding doesn't.
One day, they will have all the answers and solutions, and Thundercracker will have played an essential role in achieving it. Becoming the solution to his own problem in the end if nothing else works.