"It's not necessary for me to talk about this anymore, Sodapop. I need to move on with life."

Soda sat on the edge of Penny's bed, as she stood in front of her dresser's mirror. "Well, yeah, I get that, but I was just sayin' I'm here if you need to."

Penny swirled a makeup brush in light pink eyeshadow, then began applying it to her face. "I know you are, sweetheart. But I'm okay. The adoption is done. I did what I decided to do, and now, it's time to let go."

"Yeah, I think everything's all right now, Dad. But I'm still planning to hang out over there for part of the afternoon."

Nicholas stood with Steve near the front of the church building, the rest of what remained of the congregation scattered around the sanctuary. "I'm glad to hear that, Son. I was worried just from the little bit you told me. How are you?"

Steve glanced over to where Soda was on the other side of the church, seeing him share a look with Samuel, who seemed to be wrapping up a conversation with Pastor David. "I'm fine, actually. Better than I would've thought. Maybe it's because I was able to help. Well, that and the fact things have been much worse before. Which is one reason I knew I needed to stay with Soda last night. His mind was cutting a little too close to a bad path, and I sure couldn't sit by and let that happen again."

"Yeah, it is hard, Pone. I'm sure not going to lie about that."

Pony sat with Soda on the hood of the Chevy that was parked in the lot of the Dingo. "Am I allowed to see her? I mean, I did through the window at the hospital, but can me and Darry visit?"

Soda tapped his foot against one of the headlights on his car, Pony's question one that had come up in the midst of planning the logistics of the adoption. "Actually, no, Pone. Not right now. Since ya'll are blood relatives."

"Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense, especially when we're so close to you."

"Exactly. It would just be, you know, more complicated if ya'll saw Emily when I can't yet."

"So are we uncles then or what? I mean, I know we are by blood, but will she know she's our niece?"

"I don't know yet. Maybe when she's older. I'm still tryin' to understand how I'll fit, so I'm not too sure about the rest either. I just know I want to be in her life."

"Is Penny going to be in her life too?"

"I hope so. It's tough for her, you dig? I think part of her wants to, but another part wants to keep going and never look back."

"We're not going to change our minds about anything, Sodapop. Please don't let those kinds of worries get to you like this."

Soda sighed, some of his anxiety now quelled, as he talked with Samuel on the church's altar. "I knew you'd say that too. I just get real nervous sometimes. How's she doin' anyway?"

Samuel couldn't help but smile, as he thought of Emily, who was the most typical newborn she could be. "She's still just fine. Sleeping a lot. Feeding often. All that comes with being a little baby."

"Does she cry a lot?"

"Not really. She's mostly pretty calm. Matthew got to be quite colicky as a newborn, but not Emily. She does love to be held and swaddled, like a lot of babies do. Vivian rocks her all the time."

"I guess one reason I'm askin' how things are is cause I don't exactly know what it's like. I mean, I was only two when Pony was born, and I've never been around any other babies."

"I'm always more than happy to tell you how Emily is, Sodapop. And she's great. We're all blessed. But at this stage, the best way to think about it is she's a newborn, who's just starting to learn how to be, what life is like, and how it works. So that basically means, right now, we're here to help her get used to the world."

"Well, I can't say that surprises me, man. Of course the kid wants to see her. She's like a part of you."

Soda tossed the football back to Steve, watching it spin through the air in the Randles' backyard. "Yeah. It's definitely not a surprise to me either. It did get me thinkin' though."

Steve easily caught the football, throwing it in Soda's direction. "About what?"

"Just everything right now, and how I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doin'. I mean, I check in with Penny and all, and she seems to be doin' okay. She just doesn't want to talk much. Not to me anyway. I'm pretty sure she's talkin' to Kathy a lot."

"So you are doing exactly what you should then, buddy. Penny knows you're there for her. It makes sense if she's talking to Kathy more. It's sort of like how you talk to me more sometimes too."

"Yeah. I know. That doesn't bother me or anything cause she should talk to whoever she wants." Soda caught the ball one more time, keeping it in his hands, as he went to sit down on the porch steps. "It really is weird not to be able to go see Emily yet. I'm hopin' I get more used to it."

Steve joined Soda on the steps, sitting down alongside him. "Yeah. Sure, it is. It's only been a week, so you just might."

"You can go see her if you want to, Stevie."

"I really don't think that's such a good idea though. I wouldn't feel right about it. Besides, I can see Samuel here or at church."

"What if I said I want you to go see her because I can't yet?"

"The answer's still the same, buddy. At least for now anyway. I can't do something that could end up hurting you more when you're over here trying to adjust to all this."

"Yeah. I guess I understand. It'd be a favor to me though."

"It would be until you realize it's painful that I saw your kid when you can't."

Soda rolled the football around between his hands, as he thought of Emily's face, imagining what it would be like to look at her again. "You said 'at least for now.' So what's that mean?"

"It means I'll think about it later. If you really want me to go see her, maybe I will in a month or two. If it's what you still want, that is."

"I'm sure it will be. I mean, it ain't like I don't trust what Samuel's tellin' me when I talk to him or anything. It's not that. I just want somebody else close to me to see Emily and be there when I can't. I feel like it'd help to hear how she looks and how she's doin', and it would be good to have some kind of link."

"I think I understand, man. And believe me, I feel pretty much the same way Pony does. She's part of you, so I want to know her. I just want to be careful though, especially since you were anxious before about this putting me in the middle or even affecting our friendship."

"I'm not thinkin' anything like that now. What you said then stuck with me."

"It needed to. I don't like to think about your mind playing tricks on you like that. Cause there's nothing that's going to stop me from being on your side."

"Hey, you doing all right there, or do I need to give you another hug?"

Soda opened the passenger door of Steve's car that was parked beside the church, the conversation he'd had in the sanctuary still fresh in his mind. "I'm okay. I was just talkin' to Samuel. That's all. He told me not to worry about them changin' their minds."

Steve slid into the driver's side next to Soda, keys in hand, as he put his Bible between the seats. "Good. I'm glad you talked to him. So what else did he say then?"

"That Emily's doin' real well. She's just like a baby needs to be."

Steve watched Soda's expression for a second, still able to sense something radiating off him. He reached over, putting a hand on his best friend's back. "Yeah. Of course. Because she's healthy, and she's got everything she needs."

"Yeah. So she doesn't need me."

Steve felt his heart sink, as he tried to help Soda find the encouragement that seemed to keep eluding him. "No. That's not true. Don't twist what Samuel told you into something it's not."

"I'm not twisting anything. I'm just bein' real here. Emily doesn't need me or Penny. Samuel and Vivian are her parents now, right?"

"But that doesn't mean she won't need anybody else. When she's older, and you guys have been in her life, she'll need you then."

"I just don't know what for. That's what I can't figure out. If I'm not her dad, then what can I be?"

"A friend. Maybe like an uncle. Another adult who loves her. The label won't matter."

"I want you to go see her for me, Steve. You said you would, and it's been over a month since you said it."

"I said I'd think about it. I didn't say for sure."

Soda's gaze turned to meet Steve's, his eyes pleading with his best friend. "Please? It's for me. Go hold her and talk to her since I can't."

Steve looked at Soda's face, the eagerness there making him sigh. "Okay. Sometime this week, all right? Because it's what you want. But you better tell me if you change your mind in between."

"I won't. It's too important."

"Still. If you get where you aren't sure, I won't go. I'm not going to chance hurting you when you're in the place that you are. It's just not worth the risk."

"I thought I was better than this, Sodapop."

Soda held Penny's hand, as they sat on her front porch swing, the cold air making her cheeks pink. "What are you talkin' about? Better than what?"

Penny wore a lavender sweater, the fleece that lined the inside keeping her warm. "I thought I was supposed to be strong. And confident. But maybe I'm really not."

"But you are, Penny. You're incredible. I've never known anybody as confident as you are or as strong in knowing what to do. Havin' a hard time right now doesn't mean you aren't those things. It just means you've been through a lot lately."

"Sometimes, I wonder if I made a mistake, you know? Then, I come back to myself and realize I couldn't have. I had to do my best for Emily."

"Yeah, and you did. We both did."

"But that doesn't stop me from thinking about her." Penny put her other hand over Soda's, as she stared off in the direction she knew would eventually lead to Samuel and Vivian's street. "It doesn't stop me from wishing I could hold my daughter."

"Yeah, Vivian's taking a nap, so she's all mine for right now."

Nicholas followed Samuel into the house, seeing the baby on the colorful playmat that was now in the corner of the living room. "Hi there, little one. How are you today?"

Emily kicked her feet in response, the onesie she wore covered in a rainbow of polka dots.

Samuel went and picked Emily up, then sat down on the couch with her in his lap. "I would think she'd nap again soon too, but she seems alert."

Nicholas sat down on the couch too, marveling at the size of the baby. "I forgot how small they still are at this age. It's hard to believe Steve was ever so tiny."

Samuel cradled Emily for a little bit longer, then buckled her into the bouncy seat that was beside the couch. "So are you going to propose soon or what?"

"I think about it constantly, but I really want the timing to be right."

"Do you still rehearse in front of the mirror?"

Nicholas saw the amusement on Samuel's face, the reference enough to make him blush the way he had several months before. "Steve must've told you he saw me."

"He sure did. I don't think he could resist that one. So do you?"

"No. Just in my head now."

"What are you that nervous about, Nicholas? Audrey loves you. Believe me, I can tell. And it's been what? Ten months since your first date?"

"Eleven this month. It was in March. The same night Sodapop got shot."

"Right. So pretty close to a year. Are you worried about Steve?"

"A little bit, yeah. But he's told me over and over that he's fine with us getting married."

"Which must mean he is, and you know he likes Audrey. He also understands that you two can talk about anything that concerns him."

"Yes. Of course. We've sure done that too since I've been in this relationship."

"Okay. So what timing are you trying to get right? It sounds like everything is how it needs to be."

"It is. And I don't think it's Steve or Audrey."

"What is it then?"

"It's just me. I'm crazy about your sister, and I want us to be together forever."

"You know she'll say yes when you ask. She wants the same thing you do."

"I know she does. But even after all this time, there's still some part of me that's absolutely terrified."

"I've never seen Penny like that, Dar. It makes me so sad."

Darry turned down the heat on the stove burner, leaving the beans to simmer, as he joined Soda at the already-set table. "I know, little buddy. And maybe this doesn't help much, but it has to be normal for her to be feeling anything she is. It's only been a little over two weeks since she gave birth."

Soda found himself bristling at his big brother's comment, even though he knew he meant no harm. "I know how long it's been. It's not like I don't remember when my own kid was born."

"Hey, I didn't mean it that way, and you know it. I'm just saying it's only been a short time. I'm not saying anything about you at all."

"I guess I knew that. I just hate not knowin' what to do."

"You're doing everything you can. I know it's a tough spot to be in when there isn't much that can be done, and I understand what it is to want to do more when someone you love is hurting. But sometimes, the most you can do is just be there. Even when it doesn't feel like much, it means a lot. I think you know exactly how that works."

"Yeah. Of course I do. I know it makes a big difference."

"So let yourself accept that being with Penny to listen and support her is the best way to help right now. You're really good at that too. I know from experience."

"What about you, Darry?"

"What about me?"

"The baby. Do you feel like you want to see her?"

Darry got up from the table and went over to the simmering pot of beans, not looking up, as he began to stir it. "Yes. I do want to see her. She's still my niece, my own flesh and blood."

Soda sensed a tension coming from his brother, the feeling immediately making him self-conscious. "Yeah. I mean, I wasn't sayin' she's not or anything. Of course she is. I was just askin'. It ain't like I don't know the feelin' either. She's my daughter."

"Yet, you're not her parent. Like I'm not her uncle. Not legally."

"I know that. I did sign the papers. You don't need to throw it in my face, like I don't understand or somethin'."

"I don't want to fight with you, Sodapop. I-"

"Don't you? All I did was ask how you're doin', and it was like you changed. Pony asked me if he could go see Emily, and I had to tell him no. So I wondered if you're all right about that. I asked Steve to go visit her cause I can't, and he's not sure about doin' it. He wants to, but he's worried it could hurt me somehow. Everybody's got their own feelings here, and I want to know what those are."

Darry turned the stove off, the click of its knob the only sound between the brothers for the next few moments. "Okay. I'm sorry, Pepsi Cola. I guess I'm no different than you right now. I hate seeing you hurting when there isn't a lot I can do. Of course I want to see Emily, but it's honestly the least of my concerns. I'm much more focused on making sure you're doing all right, and that's going to keep being my main priority."

"Yeah, Soda wants me to go see her. I'm still kind of on the fence about it, but I told him I would."

Nicholas sat in his bedroom with Steve, father and son both settled in for the night. "I'm sure it'll be fine for you to visit, Son. Especially if it's not something Sodapop's uncomfortable with. You should tell him I saw her today. Maybe that'll help too."

Steve lay back on one of Nicholas' pillows, hands laced behind his head. "Yeah, I will. You guys aren't like me and him or anything like that, but you're close too. You must've gone there to talk to Samuel though, right?"

"Yes. I guess I needed a little man-to-man talk."

"Hey, you can come to me for that now. I'll be twenty this year."

Nicholas reached out to push Steve's hair back from his face, the almost two decades his son had been alive not stopping him from seeing the little boy there in his blue eyes. "I know. But when it's about a decision that will also affect you, it's different."

"Me, huh? Is this about Audrey? Just propose to her already, Dad. It's not like you'd be asking her to get married next week. Whatever you need to figure out, you can do it while you're engaged."

"I know. But you've gotta remember the last woman I was truly serious with was your mother, and she's been gone for ten years. It's no small thing for me to make a commitment."

"Of course it's not a small thing. It's a huge deal, but it's great too. I don't want you worrying how it'll affect me either."

"I don't think I can help that, Son."

Steve held a hand out to Nicholas, grinning when his dad automatically took it. "You see what just happened?"

"What?"

Steve nodded toward their joined hands. "That. All I had to do was put my hand out, and you took it."

"Well, of course I did."

"Exactly. That's why it's okay. Even when you're married, I'll always knows I can reach for you, and you'll put your hand in mine."

Nicholas felt the urge to weep, as he held Steve's hand in both of his own. "I love that, Son. And it's true."

Steve saw the tears that had come into Nicholas' eyes, not surprised to feel some brewing himself. "Aw, don't cry. You've gotta save that for when you have a wedding."

"I'm going to do it soon, Steve. I really am. I already have the ring."

"And you love her. I know you do. So go for it, Dad. Audrey's great."

"Are you going to talk to her about you?"

"Yeah. I'll do that soon too. If she's going to be my stepmom, she should know some things about me, and I think I'm in a place now where I can handle telling her the whole story."

Soda held Penny, feeling her tears soak into the material of his shirt, her grief touching him in the deepest parts of his soul. "Shh. It's okay. You know I don't mind if you cry."

Penny leaned on Soda's chest, broken by the emotions that came along with being a mother without a baby to hold. "I didn't know how bad this would hurt me, Sodapop. I thought I could handle it."

"And you still can. Pain doesn't mean you can't get through. It's just somethin' you've gotta feel, so you can get to the other side."

"They're good parents, right? They're taking care of her? I know I should call and try to keep in touch, but-"

"No, Penny. It's fine. You only do what you want to right now, sweetheart. And yeah, they are. She's fine. I've talked to Samuel. Can I ask you somethin' about that?"

"What?"

"Do you wish we hadn't done it this way? Is it worse for you now than if we'd gone with somebody else far away?"

"No. If I couldn't, I wanted them to have her. I don't wish it was different." Penny tried to will her tears away to no avail, feeling Soda's arms hold her tighter. "I just wish it didn't hurt this much."

"It'll be fine, man. Dr. Morgan knows you as well as Laura knows me. She'll get it."

Soda sat with Steve on the couch in the break room, the edge of nervousness sharp, as he thought about the appointment he had in a few hours. "Yeah. I just don't want her to stick me in the hospital or anything cause she thinks I might hurt myself."

Steve reached over and shut the door that had been open just a crack, sealing the conversation within the walls of the room near the back of the DX station. "Your intentions matter a lot here, buddy. This wasn't some failed attempt to hurt yourself. That isn't what you wanted, and it's not what you did. She'll probably look at everything going on lately too, and see how it could trigger a decision that wasn't the best one, but also not the worst."

"Yeah. I hope so." But does she really need to know? Soda wondered. "She obviously knows about Emily and all." Maybe not. "And I definitely wasn't tryin' to hurt myself." So maybe I don't have to tell her.