A/N I now have a completed first draft of my original novel:) As far as it goes right now, I'm focused on getting it all typed up, while I figure out what needs to be edited or expanded upon. So this story is getting a bit of extra attention for now too. I hope there are some enjoying it!

"Hey, what are you looking at, man? Some of your pictures?"

Soda held two photos, his eyes not looking up from them, as Steve joined him in the Curtis' living room. "Samuel gave them to me. They're of Emily."

Steve took the spot beside Soda, seeing that one photo was of Emily in her swing, and the other was of her on the play mat, the young baby's brown eyes standing out to him. "She looks like you, buddy. I can already see it."

Soda unsuccessfully tried to hide the tears that had sprung into his eyes, the pictures a source of both joy and pain. "Yeah. She looks like Penny too."

Steve could hear Soda's voice shake, the sound familiar, but also disheartening. "You should keep these somewhere special, you know? Did you show them to Penny?"

"Yeah. She didn't really want to look though. I understand why."

Steve put his arm around Soda, giving him enough of a squeeze to remind him he was always there. "It's okay if it's hard for you to look at them too. Samuel must've meant it as a gift and to keep your communication going, but he doesn't want to hurt you. It's fine to look, then put them away."

"Yeah. I know that." Soda set the pictures on the coffee table, so that they were face down, just as tears began to slip from his eyes to his cheeks. He wiped them away, only for more to take their place. "I'm such a damn bawl baby."

"Tears are good for you, man. They help you get all that stuff out."

"I just don't want to be sad anymore."

"I know. It's tough for me to see you sad too. But I think that's part of-"

"Can you please stop, Steve?"

"Stop what? What am I doing? Is it because my arm is around you? Cause I can-"

"No. It ain't that." Soda tucked his head against Steve's shoulder, as if to prove he wanted the physical affection. "I don't want you to keep tryin' to explain stuff. It's not what I need right now."

Steve gave Soda another squeeze, understanding dawning on him. "Okay. I get it, buddy. I won't do that anymore. I think it just helps if I try to remind you, and myself too, that it makes sense for you to be grieving, and it's logical if- Aw, hell, I'm doing it again."

Soda felt himself chuckle a little, even though he still had fresh tears on his face. "It's all right. It can help a lot to understand why and all that. I just think I need something else this time."

"And what would that be?"

Soda closed his eyes, as he felt Steve squeeze him, the answer not completely clear to him either. "I guess just bein' here and feelin' like I have support and love. Knowin' I've got somewhere safe to cry."

"You sure do have all that, my brother. You always do."

Soda lifted his head from Steve's shoulder, as he reached for the pictures. He picked them up, turning both over, so he could see Emily once again. "TwoBit called her a mini Sodapop Curtis."

"Of course he did. That sounds like something he'd say and she is."

"I really get to see her grow up, Stevie."

"Yeah, man. It's a gift."

"I think I'm still tryin' to absorb it."

"So you didn't really run out of stuff to talk about then, huh?"

"No. I guess not." Soda looked at Emily's tiny face that was still only weeks old. "And I probably never will."

"Yeah. I told Mr. Coleman I'd work late on Friday night."

Soda heard a hood slam shut, as he and Steve made their way from the garage to the inside of the station. "You are? After dark?"

Steve went straight to the counter, wiping his hands on a rag, as he saw the concern forming on Soda's face. "Yeah. It'll be after dark. I'm closing up, instead of working in the morning. I'll be fine, man. I've done it before."

"Yeah. I know. Just makes me kind of nervous. It's comin' up on a year, and that's sort of a big milestone."

"Sort of? It's a huge one, buddy." Steve glanced out the window, seeing a pick-up truck pulling into the parking lot. "Hey, there's Superman. He must be dropping by to see you."

Soda punched out, then headed toward the door. "Sounds about right, actually. You stickin' around here for your break?"

"I might go swing by my house real quick."

"Okay. See you in a little bit then." Soda stepped outside, making his way over to Darry's truck that was now parked in a space near the gas pumps. He opened the passenger door, then hopped inside. "Hey, Dar. We havin' lunch together today?"

Darry heard the door close, as he shut the engine off, both windows rolled up to keep the cool air outside. "Yeah, little buddy. I was hoping we could. You feeling all right?"

"Yeah. Steve just said he's workin' late on Friday night, and that gave me kind of a jolt. But other than that, I'm fine. Is this part of what you said about watchin' me like a hawk?"

"I suppose so. I know you don't want me hovering or anything, but I can't go without checking on you."

"Yeah, I get that. I wasn't expectin' you to skip doin' that, especially not when I've given you every reason to believe I need it." Soda lapsed into silence for a moment, waiting for Darry to start the truck back up. "So are we going to eat or what?"

Darry snapped out of the reverie he'd fallen into, as he stared at the DX building, his own memories more vivid than he was keen on admitting. He turned the key, restarting the engine, as he grinned at Soda. "Yeah, of course we are. Take your pick, little buddy. It's my treat."

"Don't worry, Penny. I understand. You get to make your own choices about this stuff. That's the whole idea."

Penny walked with Soda's arm around her waist, the couple strolling along a sunny part of the trail that circled the park. "I know. I just sort of wish I wanted to be as involved as you are. I'm not even sure I'll want to visit with Emily when the time comes."

Soda looked over at the playground that was some distance away, seeing the children, who were swinging, climbing, and running, his mind already picturing Emily doing the same years ahead. "That's okay though. You might change your mind when she's older, and it's not so fresh, you know? But even if you don't, that's all right too. Like I've said, you should only do what you really want, and no matter how it works out, that'll always be enough."

"Yeah, man. I was just waiting a little to make sure you don't change your mind. I wouldn't want to hurt you when it's something I can avoid. Would you hand me a wrench?"

Soda picked up the tool Steve had asked for, giving it to him, even as he felt the sting from his best friend's comment. "Why do ya'll always think you know more than I do? I'm not changin' my mind about it!"

Steve slid out from under the car he'd been working on, wrench still in hand, as he sat up on the creeper. "That's not what I think. I'm not sayin' I know more than you do. I'm just-"

"Yes, you are. You and Darry both do it all the damn time. Somehow, I'm always wrong."

"That's not true, Soda."

"So I'm wrong again then?"

"No! We aren't saying we know more than you do. We just have a different perspective."

"Which just happens to always be the same? One where I'm the guy who wants to raise a kid when he shouldn't and the guy who copes the wrong way? Oh, and don't forget I'm the guy who didn't tell his doctor all the stuff he's supposed to. So I must also be the guy who's going to be hurt if you go see the baby he couldn't keep. See, Steve? I know nothing! Ya'll know everything!"

Steve slowly stood to his feet, feeling the heaviness in the air, as Soda turned away from him, his best friend's palms pressed flat against the windshield of the second car that was parked in the garage. "I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't know you were taking it like that."

"Like what? Like I'm even too dumb to know myself?"

"Soda, you're not-"

"But I feel like it. I'm not like you or Darry or Pony or Penny or TwoBit. Nothin' about me says I'm smart."

"This isn't really about what I was saying, is it?"

"Guess not. But what do I know anyway? I'm-"

"Stop it, Sodapop! You quit doing that to yourself, and don't you dare keep looking at me or Darry like we're trying to put you down! We would never do that to you, and you ought to know that by now."

Soda kept his back to Steve, part of him regretting the impulse that had led him into this fight, as yet another was relieved to find an outlet. "So I'm still wrong. Just like I said."

Steve grabbed Soda's shirt sleeve, gripping it tight in his fist, as he leaned so close to his best friend that hardly any space remained between them. "Yes. If you think that me or Darry could ever look at you with anything besides respect, you are wrong. What happened on Saturday is no wonder if you're still this deep with seeing yourself in a bad light. We need to get back to work, but trust me when I say this conversation is not finished."

"So what do you think? Should I do it?"

Soda stood out on the back porch with Pony, both brothers puffing on cigarettes. "Huh? Should you do what?"

Pony tried to hide his exasperation, as he sat down on the top step, taking a long drag off his cigarette. "What I was just saying. Do you think I should ask Lydia out?"

"Of course you should. She sounds like a nice girl. And Darry's cool with you dating. But speaking of, you know how to use a condom, right?"

"Geez, Soda, you sure know how to be direct when the situation calls for it. But I'm sixteen, for crying out loud. I know what I'm supposed to do. Besides, Lydia's not going to be doing that with me any time soon. She's not that kind of girl."

"Well, I said the same thing about Sandy. We didn't do it on our first date, but we did get there."

"Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but a condom didn't exactly help you out with Penny. It makes me kind of nervous."

"Aw, Pone, that ain't usually what happens. They're effective most of the time. Make sure you use a brand new one and that it's on right. That's all I can say, so I hope when the time does come, you'll take my advice."

"Of course I'm here, man. You left work without even saying one more word to me."

Soda attempted to distract himself by rearranging the socks in his dresser drawer, as Steve came inside the room. "Oh. Well, I guess I, um, I'm sorry for yellin' at you earlier."

Steve reached out and closed the drawer. "I know you don't give a damn about how your socks are, and I'm not looking for you to apologize. You could say you're sorry a hundred times, and I'd still just want to know where all that came from."

"You already know where it came from, and maybe I do give damn about my socks. See? It's the same thing all over again."

"Soda, I just know you, buddy. That's it. It doesn't mean you don't know yourself. I'm not trying to put you down. You know me the same way, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But you're better at it."

"I don't think so."

Soda sat down on his bed, not the least bit surprised when Steve shut the door and did the same. "I really do feel like I'm wrong all the time. Like my perspective is just never right. Ya'll always see better. I always miss somethin'. And then I end up feelin' like ya'll have to treat me like I'm fragile. Like I'm going to break if you're not lookin' out for me."

"It's harder for everybody to see certain things when you're the one inside whatever situation you've got going on. That's not just you, buddy. We all need help sometimes. You know I do. There have been plenty of times I couldn't see without you showing me."

"Dr. Morgan said the same thing yesterday about bein' inside a situation."

"Hey, great minds think alike, huh?"

"I really am sorry for sayin' the stuff I did to you. I'm not changin' my mind about Emily though. I do want you to go see her."

"And I will because you're telling me it's what you want. Tomorrow afternoon, okay? After I see Laura."

"Yeah. Okay, Stevie. I'm glad you still will after I acted like that."

"I want to see her too. Besides, I wouldn't not do something for you just cause you had a rough moment. That's when you need it the most, right?"

"That's true."

"I accept your apology, but I didn't take any of it personally. I do feel like I need to apologize to you too though."

"You already did."

"Yeah, but I wasn't very specific. I'm sorry I've ever said or done anything that adds to those feelings you have about yourself. It's never my intention to make it seem like I know more than you do or to make you believe you're wrong all the time. And what you said about not being like us, is it cause of school?"

"Yeah. Pony doesn't technically have the diploma yet, but he will. Ya'll have that to show you're smart. I don't have anything."

"But you are smart, buddy. A diploma's not the only way to show that. You show it at work and in these conversations we're always having. Speaking of that though, maybe you should give some more thought to getting your GED, like Darry was talking about."

"I do think about it sometimes."

"I know that wouldn't solve the whole problem, but it might help part of it."

"Maybe. I accept your apology too, just so you know. It's good to hear, even though it ain't your fault anyway. I could swear I'm even more sensitive than I used to be."

"That's possible, and it would make sense. You've seen me get extra sensitive when it comes to certain things. You've been the one to help me deal with it too. So you know how intense and real it can be."

"But when you were like that, it was cause you were gettin' real bad again."

"Yeah, but the sensitivity was only one sign, man. Besides, you're more naturally sensitive than I am, so it's still on the normal side for you."

"I don't think blowin' up at you at the DX just cause you're worried about hurtin' me is normal."

"It is if your perceptions are feeling off. Your emotions were reacting, buddy. That's all. I think they needed to come out. You knew you were safe with me, so that's just what they did."

"What's it like, Dar?"

Darry felt Soda's hands begin to massage his back, eyes closing, as he relaxed. "What's what like?"

Soda kneaded the muscles beneath his fingers and palms, focused on helping his brother unwind, though his thoughts were also elsewhere. "Bein' in love."

Darry's eyes opened at this, his head turning slightly to look toward Soda. "Don't you know? You're in love with Penny."

"Yeah, but that feels real complicated right now."

"I don't think it's ever totally simple, little buddy."

"I know."

"You want to hear the first thing that made Maryanne start taking a shine to us?"

"What?"

"Her brother, Luke, has epilepsy."

"Oh. And she knew I had a seizure."

"Right. She's seen him have them too."

"Is he okay? If he's got that, he must have them a lot."

"She said he's on seizure medication to help control it, and it works most of the time."

"So ya'll have talked about my seizure, huh?"

"Of course. It did sort of lead to us meeting one another."

"I don't just mean that part though. I mean have you told Maryanne how it felt for you to see me like that? It sure sounds like she could relate."

"Yes. I did tell her."

Soda waited for Darry to continue, still massaging his brother's back, as the moment simply went by. "So?"

"So what?"

"She must've liked bein' there for you. It's real special for you to open up to her."

"Yeah. It is."

"So when are you two gettin' engaged?"

"Good grief, Pepsi Cola. Slow down, will you? We aren't there yet."

"I know, but I'm excited for you to marry her."

"There's nothing to be excited about yet. We're still a dating couple, and I think it'll be a while before we're taking off on our honeymoon."

"I'm still so much better about it than I ever would've expected. These last few days, I've kept thinking it'd really hit me sometime, and I'd cry or just need to see Soda. But it hasn't."

Laura sat across from Steve, her attention focused on her client, as she listened to his reflections regarding the most recent weekend. "It sounds like you've been able to keep in perspective the fact that Sodapop didn't harm himself, and he didn't intend to do so either."

Steve could still picture Soda laying on the bed, fast asleep from a dose of medicine that hadn't been taken as a way to alleviate physical symptoms. "Yeah. I've kept that in mind. It's what I told him too cause he felt so guilty. I wanted him to understand that wasn't a good idea, but I don't want him to hurt over it either."

"So you stayed with Sodapop all night after this incident?"

"Yeah. I definitely didn't want to leave. I bet it would be bugging me a lot more now if I had. Being there helps more than anything."

"It gives you a sense of control if you can see what's going on and do whatever you can to help."

"Right. I just got him to talk to me and told him what it was like for me to realize what happened. He knows I sat there and talked to him, even though he wasn't awake. He knows it scared me cause it's too much like where his thoughts took him last year."

"It's impossible to separate the concept of Sodapop coping with medication from the time he had a plan to take his own life."

"Yeah. I can't even think of that without remembering the night he told me he was going to overdose and drown if he didn't start feeling better. There's just no way not to connect the cough syrup with those thoughts. I couldn't even see that bottle on Soda's dresser without imagining the pain that must've led him to it. From what he's told me though, it wasn't as bad as it could've been. I really think he just got tired, so taking the medicine felt like a way to get a break. I sure can understand that too."

"You're very compassionate and empathetic, Steve. Especially toward Sodapop and when it comes to these particular issues."

"He was telling me again that I should go to school for counseling. It just seems sort of weird though cause how can I do that when I still come here every week? How can I be a counselor when I need counseling myself?"

"Well, you won't necessarily need it forever, and starting to pursue the goal wouldn't get you there right away. You would have time to continue your own counseling before contending with that question. However, it's valuable for you to know what things are like on the client side of the dynamic. That's one experience you can't get from any kind of training or class."

"Yeah, that's true. So maybe I'd be able to put myself in peoples' shoes."

"I'm certain you could. It's something you do anyway, the very definition of empathy."

"I haven't told anybody this yet, but do you know what bothers me the most about the idea?"

"I don't. What concern do you have?"

"I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here, but I can't help thinking of what it would be like for somebody to tell me they were sexually abused too. After what happened to me, I have to wonder how I'd handle it. Especially if I had to listen to the details and stuff like that. I'm not sure how it would go."

"I actually don't think you're getting ahead of yourself. That's an important factor in determining whether or not you want to consider counseling as a career. It's not something you want to think about later because having clients who were abused in a similar manner is a real possibility. Even still, I believe time and training will give you the tools to cope with potential triggers."

"It's not even just that though. I think I could get through it, but what I know helps the most wouldn't apply. When me and Soda talk about tough things, we cry together. We hold each other. That's true for me and my dad too. But if I have a client who's really hurting, I can't do any of that. Even if it's somebody who was abused and just told me for the first time, I can't cry myself or hug them."

"I'm not saying that counseling people who are in pain isn't an emotional experience, Steve. It is. But you're transferring your feelings and responses to your loves ones to the hypothetical counselor-client dynamic. So, as valid as your thoughts are, I'd just like to point out that the situations are different. Your emotional reactions to listening to Sodapop or to your dad are based on your close relationships with them. Also, their pain and struggles are intertwined with yours. There would be more of a separation between you and a client you're counseling. I'm not saying there would be no emotions, but it wouldn't be on the same level or from the same place as what you experience in your personal life."

"Yeah. I get what you're saying. That makes sense. I guess this is something I'm just still thinking about, but maybe soon, I'll get around to actually making up my mind."