"Aren't ya'll getting a little too old for that?"

Steve stood out on the front porch, as Pony lit a cigarette next to him. "Isn't who getting a little too old for what?"

Pony leaned on the railing, his lips blowing smoke that then evaporated into the darkness. "You and Soda. Aren't ya'll getting a little too old to be lockin' yourselves in his room the way you do?"

"No. I don't see what age has to do with that either. So if this is you starting to get jealous again, Kid, you can go ahead and drop it."

"I'm not jealous. Just curious."

"About what? Nothing's different about tonight."

"I heard Soda yelling earlier. That's different. It's usually private and quiet when you're holed up together like that."

"Yeah. True enough. Sometimes, things just need to go another way, I guess."

"Were you two fighting? I didn't hear you yell."

"That's cause I didn't. We weren't fighting, and Soda didn't need me yelling at him."

"What did he need then?"

"Me to hear him and meet him where he is."

"And where is that?"

"You're sure asking a lot of questions, Kid."

"That's cause you and Soda were in his room for a while, and now, you're still standing around here. It makes me think something's wrong again."

"You mean while you're also thinking we're too old to be 'holed up together,' as you like to call it."

"You're changing the subject."

"No. I'm just going back to the one you opened with when we started talking. If I wanted to really change the subject, I'd ask you how school was today or something."

"You never ask me that."

No, but it would change the whole subject."

"Is Soda okay, Steve? I know it's weird for him, having a baby out there and all."

"Emily's not 'out there,' Kid. She's with Samuel and Vivian in the middle of town."

"Okay. Whatever. But she's not with him or Penny. That's all I meant."

"All right, yeah. Of course it's weird for him."

"You didn't answer my question. Is he okay?"

"I think so, Ponyboy. You know your brother. He's got a lot of emotions. Not just on his sleeve, but deep in his heart. So there's always plenty for him to talk about."

"You keep talking in riddles."

"You could call it that, sure. But I call it protecting my best friend's privacy."

"Sometimes, you sound like you don't even know your best friend is also my brother."

"Of course I know he's your brother. That doesn't mean I'm going to spill what he tells me. Haven't we already been through all this anyway?"

"That means he told you something then."

"Well, what'd you think we were doing in there? Just whistlin' Dixie?"

"No. I knew you were talking. That's what you and Soda do." Pony put his cigarette out and tossed it away, having found it couldn't quiet the questions in his mind. "But is it, you know, serious?"

"Is what serious?"

"Soda. Is it bad?"

"I think you're the one talking in riddles now, Kid. What are you trying to ask me?"

"Is it like before? Is Soda- I mean, is he depressed? Is he having those bad thoughts again?"

"No, Ponyboy. That's not what we were talking about tonight. I should've realized that was what you wanted to know."

"But if you're doing what you said and protecting Soda's privacy, how can I know you're telling me the truth?"

"Look at me, Kid."

"I am looking at you."

"Exactly. You saw me the night Soda was feeling really bad, and I was listening to him talk about it. You saw how I looked like hell. I don't now, do I?"

"No. You look pretty normal. As normal as you ever look anyway."

Steve saw the grin Pony was sending his way, as he elbowed him lightly. "Oh yeah? I guess I must've put your mind at ease if you're back to insulting me. Seriously, Pony, I'm not lying to you. Me and Soda were talking about things, but not stuff like that. He's not suicidal. He's just...having some tough moments. So try not to worry, all right? I've still got his back. Just like always."

"Hey, little buddy, is everything okay?"

Soda joined Darry on the couch, the living room quiet, as the elder brother appeared to be reading the newspaper in his lap. "I'm not sure, Dar."

Darry folded the paper and put it aside, reaching over to touch Soda's bare back. "You feel tense. Is anything wrong between you and Steve?"

"No. I feel like I've been a shitty friend tonight though."

"You? Somehow, I doubt that."

"But I really have been. Steve didn't deserve how I was actin', no matter what I've got going on inside."

"What do you have going on inside?"

"Just feelings I'm awful at dealin' with, and I'm gettin' sort of scared they're comin' from somewhere worse than I'd ever want to admit. Cause I'm supposed to be a better friend than that. A better person."

"Feelings are just feelings, little buddy. They don't mean you aren't the person you want to be, even if you think you're not handling them the way you should. I've had feelings I didn't want too, and I didn't like what they did to me. But I got better at it. And as long as you aren't doing anything to hurt yourself, you're probably dealing just fine."

"I don't know, Dar. Sometimes, I hate how I feel everything. Cause it's like my emotions are this other part of myself. Like they're another being or somethin', and I don't have much control over what they decide to do or how they get to make me feel. I'm going to call Dr. Morgan tomorrow cause I think I need her."

"Good. You do need to see her if you're that overwhelmed. If you call early, maybe you can at least get in by Monday."

"Yeah. I hope so because I need somebody I can tell some stuff to without it hurting them. I need somebody who ain't close to me, like ya'll are. That way, I can get out what I think I really need to say."

"Nah, man. I didn't take off yet. I can sleep in tomorrow, so it's all good."

Soda, now clad in a sweatshirt, sat down on the porch swing beside Steve, as he saw his little brother looking at them through the window. "Has Pony been talkin' to you too?"

Steve, who was wearing his jean jacket, followed Soda's gaze, catching Pony's eyes for a moment before the boy went off in another direction. "Yeah. He got worried you were having the sort of bad night you've had before."

"Oh. He didn't say anything to me about it."

"He probably thinks you wouldn't tell him much."

"Yeah. That makes sense." Soda touched Steve's wrist, his eyes becoming unexpectedly wet, as his fingers pressed into the sleeve of his best friend's jacket. "Can you forgive me?"

"For what, buddy? Do I look like I'm mad at you?"

"No. I just think I've done a lot wrong tonight. Cause you came over to be there for me, and I kept makin' it hard."

"You were just reacting, man. I don't think you were doing anything wrong. Sometimes, it can be hard to let your guard down, and you needed a little extra kindness to get there. That's all. I didn't take it personally. Especially since I know you're dealing with anger that's still pretty damn fresh."

"So you do forgive me then? For actin' like I wanted to push you away? Cause I don't. I swear I-"

"Soda. I know. Okay? I didn't hold any of that against you for even one second. But since it's what you need to hear, I do forgive you. Me and you are good. I'm not upset, and there are no hard feelings on my end. You've got my word on that, buddy. So please trust me."

Soda looked at Steve's face, taking in every ounce of the compassion and softness that had filled his friend's countenance. "I am. I'm trusting you."

"So dry your tears then, man. Everything's okay."

"I didn't really mean it when I said you can't help this time. That ain't true."

"I know it's not. Because I know that having someone in it with you always helps. Even when there are times you don't quite feel like that can do much to make whatever's hurting stop."

Soda laid his head on Steve's shoulder, needing more of the closeness that so often existed between them. "You're the best friend in the world, Stevie."

"I learned it from you, my brother. So don't give me all the credit. Are you feeling a little better now at least? You seem a lot more relaxed than you were."

"Yeah. I'm calmer anyway." But still angry inside, Soda thought, as he felt Steve's arm go around his shoulders. Still afraid there's another piece that I can't let you see.

"Soda, you aren't worried about me working late tomorrow night, are you?"

"No. I don't think so. I know you'll be fine." You will be, Soda thought. Even though it'll get dark.

"Good. Cause I know I'd be worried about you if it were the other way around. Mostly just because there's no doubt you'd get anxious being at the DX at night."

"Yeah. I ain't ready for that yet."

Steve's gaze shifted, looking at Soda's head that hadn't left his shoulder. "Buddy, I think I should head home, so you can get some sleep. We're more than okay. I promise."

"Yeah, I know." We are, Soda thought. We're okay. "You're probably right. I need to sleep." Me and Steve are good, even though there's something I have to keep hiding.

Steve felt Soda's head leave his shoulder, then caught his best friend's eyes, giving him a grin. "Hey, man, I think we're trying to break our record for number of sappy moments in one night."

Soda cracked a grin of his own, even though his spirit was far from lifted. "Yeah, I guess we are going for it, huh? But I can still think of even sappier nights we've had."

"Sure. Sappy, soft, sentimental. It's all our thing." Steve put his hand over Soda's and squeezed. "Good night, buddy. You get some rest, and I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe we can have lunch and get in more of the downtime we missed tonight. Or, if not, I'm always all right with whatever kind of moments will help you figure everything out."

"Yeah, that's one reason I told Mr. Coleman I didn't mind working. You guys all have dates tonight."

Nicholas served himself some scrambled eggs, then sat down at the table with Steve. "I thought that may have something to do with it, Son."

Steve spread butter on the biscuit on his plate, still clad in the shirt and shorts he'd worn to bed. "It's not a problem though."

"No, it doesn't seem like one."

"I can be nineteen and still be single. That isn't wrong."

"It's not wrong to be single at any age."

"Maybe I could've stayed with Evie again for a while longer, but any spark we ever had was gone."

"I think staying in a relationship where both people are unhappy would be wrong. You both made the right mutual decision."

"Yeah, I know we did."

Nicholas felt a lull in the conversation, as he ate his breakfast, seeing Steve appeared fixated on doing the same. "Steve, I-"

"I'm almost twenty, Dad. Almost twenty and completely single."

"Even when you are twenty, you will still be very young. There's nothing inherently bad about being single, so it's okay, Son."

"Yeah, I know. I know it is. I'd tell anybody else the same thing. This just kind of crops us sometimes, you know? This insecurity. It gets at me, and I'm not sure how to move past it."

"What would you tell somebody else?"

"I don't know. Maybe just to talk about it and reframe what they're thinking."

"Reframe it how?"

"Um, maybe to look at being single like having time to understand yourself and not have any pressure that might come with a relationship. I'd tell them it's good and healthy to have a chance to be a person with a separate identity that's not necessarily tied to being with a woman. I guess I could say too that it can be better to cope with your trauma and stuff without being in a romantic relationship at the same time."

"Listen to you counseling yourself, Son."

"Aw, man, it's that word again. You two have so much faith in me."

"You mean me and Sodapop?"

"No, Dad. I mean the president and the guy who invented sliced bread. Of course I mean you and Soda. Nobody else looks at me the way you guys do."

"That's because no one gets to see you the way we do. I think that's something you only give to a few in your life."

"Yeah. I guess so. It's mostly just you two who see there's more to me than what meets the eye. Cause I don't mind showing you. I know, with you guys, I can just be myself."

"Hey, Steve. What brings you by this early? I'll still see you at three, right?"

Steve stepped through the door of the DX station, the bell dinging, as he heard Mr. Coleman's voice. "Yes, Sir. I'll see you then too. Now, I just figured I'd stop by and see Soda on his break."

Mr. Coleman pointed toward the back, where he'd seen his employee go less than five minutes earlier. "Sodapop's in the break room, I think."

Steve headed in that direction, not finding Soda where he'd expected him to be. He then looked out the window, seeing the other man in the area behind the DX. Going past the break room, Steve opened the door that led outside, as he called out to his best friend. "Hey, man. You out here getting some fresh air?"

Soda sat on the concrete, his feet resting on the steps below, as he turned to look at Steve. "Yeah, somethin' like that, I guess."

Steve stepped out the door, joining Soda in the space in which he'd been solitary only moments before. "So what's today been like?""

"You already sound like a therapist, so you better give up whatever self-doubt you've still got going on."

Steve got down next to Soda and put his arm around his shoulders. "Oh yeah? My dad said I was counseling myself at breakfast this morning, and now, you're calling me a therapist. Which sounds even fancier than a counselor. But I'm not about to let you change the subject from you to me, so what's the deal, man? How are you?"

"I'm fine, Stevie. Even called Dr. Morgan this morning. I see her on Monday."

"Good. I'm really glad about that, buddy. It's important for you to have that time to just focus on yourself, you know? So is the appointment after work?"

"Yeah. I'll go straight from here once I get off."

"Okay. I'll come there and wait for you so-"

"No. I mean, I just- I want to be totally on my own."

"Oh. Well, I wasn't saying I'd come into her office with you, man. I would stay in the waiting room."

"I know. I'm not sure how to explain it in a good way, but I'd rather it just be me there this time."

"This isn't anything to do with what you said before about constantly leaning on us, is it?"

"No. It ain't that, and it's not like I don't want you to be with me in anything I go through. But there's some stuff I only want Dr. Morgan to hear right now. Just cause she can be objective, and nobody else can be that with what I need to talk about."

"Okay. I know how that is. But I'm not asking you to tell me everything you talk about in your session. I'm just offering to give you support afterward."

"Yeah, but I think it could be hard cause I'm so used to tellin' you things. If you're there right then, part of me might still want to."

"All right. I catch your drift, buddy. Since you're asking me not to, I won't come. I'll give you space to process your appointment. You don't even need a huge reason to want that, really. I guess I'm just used to being there for you whenever and wherever I can."

"And I want you to be. But what you said about space, that's pretty much it. I just want to go to my appointment by myself this time, and I'll see you once it's done."

"Hey, I couldn't make you wait til tonight to see me, could I?"

Audrey felt Nicholas kiss her on the cheek, as the couple took seats at a table in the corner of the bookstore. "No, I suppose not. But you would absolutely be worth the wait."

Nicholas stared at the woman before him, bringing up the subject that was now constantly on his mind. "You didn't expect me to propose tonight, did you? Because it's Valentine's Day?"

"No. I'm just expecting us to go out for a romantic evening."

"Good. Because I don't want my proposal to be predictable."

"I'm not quite sure how you're going to pull that off when we've discussed it so often."

"I'll figure something out. I truly want that moment to be a surprise."

"So my dad hasn't popped the question yet, but I'm thinking of talking to Audrey on Sunday."

Soda sat in the Ford beside Steve, the two friends drinking milkshakes in the DX parking lot. "You mean about your overdose?"

Steve bit back a sarcastic reply, taking a long sip of his vanilla milkshake. "Yeah. I mean, I might as well tell her. There's no reason for me to think it won't go okay."

"Do you still want me to be there?"

"Of course. I asked you, didn't I? I'm not changing my mind about it."

"Oh. Well, I guess I was just checking. Cause it'd make sense if you wanted your dad instead."

"Sure it would, but it also makes sense for me to want you." Steve set his milkshake down in the cupholder between the car seats, as he looked at Soda, speculating on what had made his best friend feel the need to confirm what they'd already talked about. "Did something make you think I would change my mind?"

Soda fiddled with the straw in the cup that held his strawberry milkshake, his eyes focused on it, instead of looking up at Steve. "Nah. Not really. Just wondered."

Steve let the silence fall over them for a short time, Soda's words from the evening before not forgotten, as he then laid a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Is that because you thought I might not want you to be there after how things were last night?"

"Maybe. That and I did just tell you not to come to my appointment on Monday."

"Which is fine, man. You're allowed to say you need to go on your own. And as for last night, it's like I've said before. Our friendship isn't conditional. I'm not going to decide I don't want you there for me just cause you had a few tough moments. That doesn't change us or our history."

"Yeah. I know it doesn't. I guess I'm just overthinkin' things again."

"Sounds like it, buddy. But I'm here to tell you it's fine. Me and you are still in a good place, and no fear, anxiety, or anger has a chance at changing that fact."

"Yeah, I'm good, Dar. Just gettin' ready to go pick up Penny."

Darry joined Soda in his bedroom, as his middle brother was putting a blue-and-silver striped tie around his neck, adding the finishing touch to his outfit. "You're wearing a tie, little buddy? Is something formal going on?"

Soda left the tie loose around his neck, as he opened the small top drawer of his dresser, taking out a corsage and a boutonniere. "I never got to take Penny to the prom or to any dance cause it ain't like I was allowed at a high school function since I dropped out. So we're dressin' all nice to have dinner and go dancin' after."

Darry reached for the tie and began making a knot. "Sounds like a romantic night, Pepsi Cola. Do me a favor?"

"What?"

"If I'm not here when you get in, call Maryanne's number on the fridge, and let me know you're home."

"Why?"

"Because."

Soda felt the tugs, as Darry finished up the knot. "'Because' ain't much of a reason, Dar. Besides, this is ya'll's Valentine's Day too. You could still be out or at least busy."

"We won't be out by the time you're home, I'm sure. And I'm never so busy with anything that my commitment to you and Pony goes on the back burner."

"I guess it's a good thing Maryanne is so smitten with how great of a big brother you are or that could piss her off."

Darry took the boutonniere and pinned it to Soda's shirt pocket. "Yeah, she's definitely not the type of woman to get upset over something like that. It just makes her love me more."

"So, really, why do you want me to call?"

"Because I'll be out. Pony's going on a date with Lydia. Steve's working. I bet TwoBit will be with Kathy."

"I'll be here by myself."

"Right. So if I'm not here, give me a ring, little buddy. I know I'm not technically your guardian anymore, but please let me do what I can to take care of you anyway."