"Do you have any idea what that was about?"

Soda lingered in the kitchen, eyes glancing down the hall, as he heard Nicholas break the silence that had fallen over them. "Um, yeah, I think I do."

Nicholas took dishes to the sink, the running water not able to drown out his thoughts. "Is there something wrong? I'm assuming there must be for Steve to just leave like that. It was awfully sudden."

"Yeah, it was. I'm going to see if he wants to talk. I know he said he wanted to be by himself, but he'd do the same thing if it were me."

"That's true." Nicholas saw Soda start to head toward the hallway, unable to keep from voicing the question in his mind. "He's not upset about me getting married, is he?"

"No. He's happy about that. Probably even thrilled."

"Okay. I guess I had to wonder. I worry so much about doing the wrong thing here."

"I think ya'll are a lot alike in that way. You both want to put the other first."

"That's my instinct as a parent. Even though there are times I've misread it. I had to learn to be a good father, and everyday, I hate the fact that it was at Steve's expense."

"I should've known you'd follow me."

Soda entered Steve's room, closing the door behind him. "Gee, I wonder where I might've learned that."

Steve felt Soda sit down beside him, an arm going around his shoulders at the same time. "Hey, you can't put it all on me, man. You've always been that way."

"Yeah, but you taught me what it means. So what happened in there? Why'd you leave?"

"Because I get it. I realized why what my dad said bothered me so much. It's such an obvious connection too. Or it seems to be anyway cause I've talked with Laura so much about stuff like that."

"What is it then, Stevie? Tell me what hurt you. Maybe I can't fix it, but I still want to hear what's going on."

"My dad told me to stop talking about something. He didn't want to hear what I had to say."

"You really need to talk to him about that cause I-"

"Don't you see, Soda? He's done that before. He did it for a long time."

"Do you mean when he didn't let you talk to him about the abuse?"

"Yeah. That's exactly what I mean. I think it's why I felt something so strong today, even though this is totally different. He's not trying to tell me I can't talk about something bad or traumatic that happened. He's probably just overwhelmed and emotional because he's engaged."

"You might be right. Whatever it is, it's not because he doesn't want to listen to you. I can promise you that."

"This is crazy. I can't believe I'm here losing my mind over something so damn small. It has nothing to do with Clara or the abuse."

"No. Today doesn't, but your feelings do. Come on, we both know how they can come into the present and make things seem like somethin' they're not. We both know how they can color what we're lookin' at, even when we wish they wouldn't. It ain't crazy either. It's just how this stuff can be."

"You're preaching to the choir there, buddy. I know how it is."

"Well, I'm remindin' you cause you obviously need it. Besides, this seems like a vulnerable time for you anyway."

"You've been listening to me way too much, man. That's like the exact thing I've said to you before."

"I don't think listenin' to you too much is even possible for me. But, if I'm sayin' what you have, it must be wise. What you say to me always is."

"Okay. So why do you think this is a vulnerable time for me?"

"Cause your dad is engaged! I know you're happy about it and all, but maybe there are other feelings mixed in with it too. Even if not, that's a big deal just on its own."

"Yeah. Of course it is. I couldn't be happier for him or for Audrey. Nobody deserves a healthy relationship more than my dad does. I mean, he went through losing my mom, then everything with Clara. He should get the best there is after having to deal with so much grief and pain."

"Yeah. He definitely should, and so should you. You deserve to be part of this. That's why you need to talk to your dad. So you ain't gotta spend time that's supposed to be good feelin' hurt. He's already seen how your old memories can affect you now, so it won't be shockin' to him or anything. Especially since a big change is happening. That's why I said this is a vulnerable time for you. Your dad's about to have a wife, but you're gettin' a stepmother too. You haven't had any kind of mother figure in a long time. Not since my mom and dad died."

"I'll be over twenty years old by the time their wedding happens, so I'm not even sure what that'll mean for me."

"It'll mean you have another person who cares about you and your dad. You already do. The rest will be up to you and Audrey, but maybe ya'll can be close somehow. Sure, it ain't the same as if you were a kid, but she can still be an important person in your life."

"I'm making it too complicated, aren't I?"

"Yeah. Probably. But I only say that cause it's what I do too. Please share what you told me with your dad. Since it goes back to how he treated you before, I bet he's the best one to help you. He asked me if you're upset about him gettin' married too, so I think you both need each other for somethin' right now."

"Yeah. Sounds like it. Good thing I see Laura tomorrow. She'll be able to make more sense out of all this than I can."

"If you ask me, I think you've got a pretty decent hold on it already, Stevie. It's like what Dr. Morgan calls insight. You know how to look inside yourself and figure things out whenever you need to."

"Yeah, man. I think it's pretty much second-nature to me by now. I had to learn it to keep myself from going insane. It feels a lot better just to understand why something feels the way it does."

"Hey, look at that! Stevie just made the understatement of the year!"

"Aw, shut up, buddy. Sarcasm is not a great look for you, by the way."

"Are you sure? I had to try it out to see how it fits."

"It doesn't fit. Trust me."

"Well, damn. I've gotta find a whole other routine."

"No, you don't. You can trust me on that too. Because we share this routine, and nobody out there can nail it anything like us."

"You haven't been home for dinner since Sunday night."

Soda met Pony on the front porch, taken off guard by his younger brother's words, even though the tone wasn't one of accusation. "Oh. Yeah, I guess I haven't. I ate pizza last night, and tonight, I ate lasagna with Steve and his dad."

Pony sat on the edge of swing, sweat shirt zipped up, as he focused on his middle brother. "You also ate the pizza with Steve, right?"

"Yeah. Cause we went out and played pool. So what's up, Pone? Why are you askin' questions about where I eat dinner?"

"Because Darry's driving me crazy."

"What? Why?"

"He keeps looking at me when we're at the table and asking too many questions about me and Lydia."

Soda laughed, as he took a seat beside Pony. "Is that all? You've got me goin' over here worried that you're back to bein' upset with me about spendin' a lot of time with Steve. What kind of things did Darry ask you?"

"Like about our dates and if we, you know, have done more than than kiss. He wants to know what her plans are and stuff too, and I think he wants to meet her."

"Of course he does. And, as for the other stuff, you've gotta remember you're gettin' close to the exact age I was when I got my heart broken. I'm sure that's on Darry's mind. Plus, even though me and Sandy used protection, and the baby wasn't mine, he did get a scare when I first told him she was pregnant. On top of that, it wasn't even two years later when Penny got pregnant. So you'll probably have to cut our big brother some slack when it comes to dealin' with you havin' a girl in your life."

"I'm not going to get in any trouble like that though, Soda. Besides, I think at least some of this is about everything that's happened. Like he thinks it's going to affect me somehow, and he wants to watch out for it."

"He probably does think that, and it always makes Darry feel better if he has a hand in things. He can't help fix what he doesn't know. I'm sure what with bein' a teenage boy not all that long ago and loookin' after two of them, his perspective is somethin' to be reckoned with. Hey, listen to me! I'm just on fire tonight!"

"Huh? Why do you say that?"

"Cause I'm handin' out a lot of advice. It feels good too."

"Did you give advice to Steve?"

"Yep. Not that I told him anything he didn't already know. It just helps to have the reminder, which I know from experience."

"What kinds of reminders have you needed?"

"Just that I'm wanted and loved. Pretty much the things that are in the box I showed you before. And what ya'll wrote in the letters too."

"Oh. Do you still look at those?"

"Sure. The words mean a lot. I love havin' them whenever I need somethin' to build me up."

"Can I ask you a question that might be kind of hard?"

"Yeah. I'll do my best to answer too."

"If there are other things that help you, like reading the cards and letters, or talking to Steve, why didn't you do one of them, instead of taking the cough syrup that day?"

"That has kind of a messy answer, Pone, but it just comes down to me thinkin' I needed to cope on my own in a way that covered the feelings. I felt like I had to do it by myself and not actually confront what was really going on in my head and heart."

"But then, you still had to confront it, right?"

"Yeah. I sure did. It was all there when I woke up. I didn't solve anything by takin' that medicine. I just put off what I really needed to do. As much as I tried to use somethin' else and be numb for a while, I still had to circle back to just bein' open in a way that put all my cards right there on the table."

"Don't look so worried, Dad. I'm not about to blow up at you or anything."

Nicholas slipped out the back door, joining Steve on the porch. "I'm just not sure what to expect right now, Son. If you did blow up at me, it'd be okay because I want you to do or say anything that'll help you through whatever the problem is."

Steve sat down on the top step, looking at the ground, as he felt Nicholas sit beside him. "Why did you tell me to save the speech for your wedding?"

"Um, I guess I just didn't want you to put too much pressure on yourself with trying to say everything or feeling like you have to do something to celebrate my being engaged. Why? Did that upset you?"

Steve looked at Nicholas' face, seeing the concern in his dad's expression, as he was torn between telling the truth and just dropping the subject altogether. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

"It's not your fault. It's not really about now."

"What is it about then?"

"A long time ago when you stopped me from talking about the abuse because you didn't want to hear what I had to say."

"Which means this is my fault. I'm so sorry, Son. I always want to hear anything you want to tell me now. I guess I just wanted you to relax because I know you're happy for me. You've been so encouraging when it comes to us taking this step, and you don't need to say or do anything to prove where you stand."

"Soda said you asked him if I was upset about you getting married."

"I did ask him that because I couldn't help thinking it when you left during dinner. I suppose it made me wonder if you might be having second thoughts or if you were feeling something you didn't want me to see. I know how much you're wanting me to have this relationship with Audrey, so I wasn't sure if you would hide any doubt or anxiety that you have about us making a real commitment."

"I'm not hiding anything like that. I didn't feel bad at all until you said what you did."

Nicholas touched the back of Steve's head, putting his other hand over his son's. "Again, I'm very sorry. For now and for back then too. The last thing I ever want any words I speak to do is take your emotions to where we were years ago. I never want you to feel that way again, Son. It hurts me to even think about it."

Steve leaned against Nicholas, his reflections now filled with gratitude for the way they could share with each other. "I know, Dad. Because it hurts me to have to tell you this stuff. I don't want to cause you pain when you've done everything for me to heal what happened before."

"You aren't causing me pain, Steve. I'm so glad you're able to tell me these things because it's a reminder of where we are now. If you didn't come and talk to me like this, that hurt would stay around and end up affecting our relationship, which is the worst turn out I can imagine. I can handle hearing that something I said hurt you if it's what keeps the air clear between us. I always want the opportunity to fix any mistake I make. What I can't handle is even the mere idea of you having to-"

"Dad. It's my turn to interrupt you this time. I know. It's the reason I'm talking to you. I knew I could come to you and explain this because it's how we are. We're the opposite of everything we were when I was a kid, so even if my emotions pull me back into the past, I know I can reach for you, and you'll be there to bring me into the present that we've both worked so hard to make together."

"You're in a great mood, man."

Soda whistled, wiping down the counter, as Steve came in from the garage. "Yep. I'm feelin' pretty good, actually."

Steve glanced out the window, seeing the newly-repaired car that had just been picked up driving out of the parking lot. "That ended up being easier than it looked at first. Just a simple fix, and the engine sounded like it's supposed to."

"Purred like a kitten, huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that. Um, Soda, can I talk to you for a minute, buddy?"

"Sure. You don't have to ask. What's up?"

"Would you come with me today?"

"You mean to your appointment with Laura?"

"Yeah. I know you really haven't before, except for that one time I found you in the waiting room. But I'd like it if you did today."

"Okay. Of course I can do that. Is everything all right?"

"Yeah. I just kind of feel like I need a little bit of extra support right now."

"Is it cause of what happened yesterday?"

"It's some of it, yeah. I talked to my dad and all, but I'm thinking what you said about this being a vulnerable time for me is true."

"Hey, you've come to Dr. Morgan's office with me so many times, I'm glad to be around for you too. I like bein' able to help. As soon as I clock out, I'll drop my car at home, then head that way."

"Yes! Audrey called yesterday to tell me. Congratulations to both of you!"

Nicholas met Samuel at the front of the restaurant, both men talking a lunch break. "Thank you. We didn't set a date or anything yet, but at least I finally did manage to ask her. Sometimes, I thought I'd never get there."

Samuel took a seat at one of the vacant tables that had already been cleared, as Nicholas did the same. "I knew you'd do it when you were completely ready. So how's it feel to be an engaged man? Audrey sounded overjoyed when we talked."

"I'm that too. I haven't told anyone else this yet, but it reminds me of when I proposed to Rose."

"Of course it does since you've been both engaged and married before."

"This feeling is so much like that, except I was a whole lot younger then. I never would've imagined losing Rose so early on or feeling this way about another woman years down the road. I thought she had to be the only one for me, and until I met Audrey, I believed I was done with romance."

"But you aren't. You're here again, and you're in love with my sister."

"It's funny how things have worked out, isn't it? I went back to church in trying to figure out how to help Steve, and that's where I met you. Then, you introduced me to Audrey."

"That's divine intervention at its best, Nicholas. So do I need to give you a talk about treating my sister right?"

Nicholas laughed, as he saw that Samuel was struggling to keep a straight face. "No. You don't need to do that. I already know you'll kill me if I hurt her."

"Not that I think I need to worry at all. I've seen the love between you, so I don't suspect I'll need to play protective little brother."

"You won't."

"It might still be too soon to say this, but I'd like you to know that we'll always be friends first. You'll be my brother-in-law one day soon, but I won't think of you as simply that."

"I should hope not. I won't be able to look at you and only see you as my wife's brother either. You'll always be more."

"So are you still terrified?"

"No. I'm much better now. Steve might tell you I almost forgot the ring, but other than that and my nerves being a little rattled just before I proposed, I feel pretty calm."

"I don't know what it is. I've just felt anxious today. It doesn't make sense. I'm happy for my dad. I'm excited. I'm every good feeling there can be as far as them getting married."

Laura sat across from Steve, the two in her office for the usual Wednesday session. "I don't think the positive feelings you're experiencing necessarily mean you can't feel some anxiety as well, Steve. It seems perfectly natural to have a mixture of joy and apprehension. Your father beginning an engagement is a significant milestone in his life, and it's one for you too, especially since you're so close to one another."

Steve tapped his foot on the carpet, as he found himself thinking of the conversation he'd shared with Soda the previous day. "Me and Soda were sort of talking about that yesterday. Not exactly that it's a milestone, but that it's a change because I'm going to have a stepmother. It's hard to know just what that's supposed to mean at my age."

"Which sounds like it's also not a negative reaction, but simply a questioning one. Other young adults in your position might be rather unaffected by a parent remarrying, but I don't think that could ever be the case for you."

"Yeah. I mean, it was a big deal for me just to see my dad in a romantic relationship again, and now, I wonder if my brain is still connecting to that old stuff."

"How so? What connections are you seeing?"

"The ones like when I saw him and Audrey in bed together, and not long after, it got really hard for me to talk to him. I felt like that kid, who couldn't talk to my dad again, even though that's not where we are. Yesterday, he just asked me to stop because I was kind of saying a lot about being happy for him. I got upset because it felt like being told not to talk about the abuse, but it wasn't that at all. He wasn't trying to shut me down or say he didn't want to listen."

"You felt like you were going back to your past dynamic, which goes hand-in-hand with the hesitation you experienced months ago when it came to sharing with your dad."

"Yeah. Just the idea of him not wanting to hear me was like the other side of that."

"Okay. You said it wasn't the case that he didn't want to listen, so what was going on then? Were you able to talk with him about this?"

"Yeah. At first, I wasn't sure what bothered me so much, then it just kind of clicked. At the dinner table, of all places. So I told him, and he said he was just not wanting me to put pressure on myself with making sure he knows I'm happy for him. He understands that I am because I've been so good about letting him hear and see it. He wanted me to relax because there's no reason I need to try so hard to prove I'm glad about the engagement."

"So hearing how you felt inspired concern in your dad? And he was accepting as far as hearing how his words were triggering for you?"

"Yeah. He was great about it. He listened and apologized. Then, I felt bad for making him feel bad."

"It became a cycle of concern then. Each of you were affected by the other's plight and perspective."

"Yeah. That's a good way of putting it. I think we're always like that now."

"Your dynamic with your dad has the nature and consistency you craved as a child, and you still need it at this point in time. Do you believe it helped you to have him listen and apologize? Did that put those past emotions and fears at ease?"

"I think so. I felt better just being able to understand why I reacted so strongly to something I knew wasn't meant to hurt me. But being able to tell my dad the problem, well, that's the biggest relief. There's nothing like us being able to talk through stuff. It's so important to me to always have that, and I want our relationship to stay close. Even when he's married, I want to keep what we have."

"Are you worried at all that your dad entering a marriage will cause your relationship to become less close?"

"No. I don't think so. I mean, I guess I get these flashes of thoughts because it's still really hard not to connect him being with a woman to how I felt as a kid. But I know I'm not losing him or anything." Steve's gaze moved to the window near them, yellow curtains framing it, as sunlight streamed inside. "I know my dad won't stop loving me, but I also realize that I have a lot of scars. They never stop healing, and there's always a way for something to come along and reopen those wounds."