A/N: Nothing you recognize belongs to me, pity.
I want to take the time to thank every one who has been reading this story, and extra thanks to those who have taken the minute to review. Thank you so much! It's like coffee for this caffeine addict. (did someone say coffee, is there espresso?) The reviews have been wonderful, keep them coming!
And…to my grammar goddess RandomPonyWriterfor her beta work! Especially when I tend to forget that people have lives that do not actually revolve around fixing my grammar mistakes. See, I am sure she can find a few in that sentence disaster, but it is after 2:30 in the morning, and I am only awake because my 2 year old is! Grammar be damned.
Again thanks! Without further blabbering, here is the much awaited (in my own inflated egotistical head) Severus' visit with Hermione.
.lily
Assistant Healer Roderick returned that afternoon to assess Hermione's recovery. Hermione was curled on her side, lightly snoring; apparently having fallen asleep after her last visitor had left. She tapped the sleeping girl on the shoulder to pull her from her slumber.
"Sorry to wake you dearie, but I need to run some tests and evaluate how you are healing and then we can talk about getting you home. How are you feeling now dearie? You had a good lunch, yes?" the gentle woman asked, as she pulled her wand out and started running it over Hermione's legs.
Hermione smiled at her and ran a hand over her neck, working out the kinks that had settled in while she was asleep. "Yes I did have a nice lunch today. Thank you Healer Roderick. I am feeling much better now. I suppose it helps to have your own potions supplier on hand." She felt the blush creeping up her cheeks and decided to quickly change the subject while the healer was working on her legs but the woman's voice took that option away from her.
"Oh yes, I heard. I am afraid you quite insulted the head of our potions department when you returned the potions we gave you. It must be nice to have such talented friends," she told her, smiling as she continued her wand work up Hermione's legs.
Hermione's blush only deepened with her embarrassment. She knew that St. Mungo's potions department would likely feel slighted but there was something in the woman's knowing smirk that seemed to speak of and insinuate something more about the nature of Hermione's relationship with the dark and sour Potions Master.
"He is a nice friend to have, though as a potions supplier… As a potions supplier I would call him a presumptuous, perfectionist prat who charges a hefty price for his potions. If it wasn't for the fact that you have to deal with his oh-so-delightful commentary on your life every time you make a purchase, I would say that he could likely charge more and people would still pay. He's discreet though and other than giving you his unsolicited opinions on your life; which I personally believe is a rather large source of enjoyment for the man; your secrets are safe with him. No-one can argue with the quality he offers. There is no better." Hermione bit her lip to stop herself, realizing she was about to launch into a veritable monologue about Severus, who she found herself wishing would come to see her so she could thank him in person.
"I see dearie. There is nothing wrong with having talented friends. Your legs look to have healed quite nicely, though the new bone will still be fragile for a few days and you will need to take it easy. Most of your other injuries are healed nicely as well, though your right lung is still not functioning at full capacity. Another week or so on your healing potions and that should be taken care of. The skull damage is all nicely repaired, though I suspect you will still have a head ache for some time." She patted Hermione on the knee and moved to take the seat at her bedside. "Now Hermione, we need to discuss the issues that have resulted from the loss of your child."
Hermione quickly looked away; she did not want to talk about it, even though she knew she needed to. She needed to understand what was going on with her body. It was obvious her hormones were completely out of sync and her once petite breasts were heaving and painfully hard. She worked up her courage and looked to the woman at her bedside, giving her a tiny nod.
"Now, as you can likely tell your body has unfortunately not caught on to the fact that your poor child was still born," the healer stated.
"Y-Yes. My breasts have been leaking and now they hurt pretty badly. They are also so hard. And my emotions are completely screwed up." Her eyes were glistening with the tears she was trying desperately to hold back. She had been trying so hard not to think about the child she had loved and lost. "I don't know what I am feeling half the time to be honest, but mostly I feel like hiding away and crying. I just, I keep trying not to think about it yet."
"I understand dearie. It is such a terrible loss you have suffered. You are an incredibly strong witch indeed. The hormones unfortunately will have to work themselves out. The only potions available that might regulate the hormonal imbalance would be contradicted by the potions you are already on to heal your physical injuries and you will need to continue with those for a while longer to ensure that everything is properly healed and not at danger of suffering setbacks. The breasts however; well unfortunately, the only way to alleviate the pain is to dispel the milk that is starting to come in. That is what is causing the hardening as your milk ducts swell. Of course, the problem is that if you dispel the milk, your body will believe you are nursing and continue to produce more milk. If you leave them be for a week or so, the milk supply will dry up, however, the pain will increase before it gets better. It isn't ideal but it is one thing in which there simply is no magical answer. I am afraid that when it comes to child rearing, the magical world believes in letting nature take its course." The healer could sense the discomfort and frustration playing across Hermione's face. It wasn't enough to lose a child; she had to live with the painful reminders. "Hermione, dear, I realize that this is very difficult for you, however if it is alright with you I would like to discuss another option. You are muggle born, correct?" At Hermione's nod the elder witch continued on.
"Now, I would usually not talk of this with anyone and it is completely up to you, whatever you decide to do, but as I said, one option was to dispel the milk. Usually in the magical world the only way to do that is through nursing; however I know that there have been a fair few muggle-born witches over the years that have come through here with odd contraptions, pumps I believe. It is quite fascinating really." She stopped and place a hand over her heart, pulling back the emotions she was feeling over what she was about to reveal to her young patient. "Now, I know you went through some horrible ordeals throughout the war. The best friend of Harry Potter certainly got her fair share of press after the final battle. I always try to treat all patients who come through equally and simply pretend I have no idea who they are, or what they may have done. There were a great many people who were hurt in that war. Many, many lives were lost. So many deaths were never reported here because the life of a muggle is not considered news worthy in the magical world. Now, I am of pure-blood, though I never bought into You-Know-Who's tripe; no-one in my family did. About five years ago my younger brother Reginald married the sweetest muggle girl. He met Anne by chance at a restaurant one day; she was his waitress. He didn't usually eat in muggle establishments and he rarely carried muggle money, but a friend had invited him out to try a place he had found, so he agreed. He was so taken by Anne's looks and her sweet smile that he kept going back. Eventually he won her heart and they married a few short months later. A little over three years ago Anne gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, named Reggie, after his father. Just a few weeks after he was born Anne was at the market, having left Reggie with his father so she could have a little alone time. That market was destroyed by Death Eaters, none were left alive. Reginald was left with a new born baby boy to raise on his own; I never did have children, never married. Our parents had long since past, and so he turned to Anne's parents for help. They helped him get what he would need. They helped him purchase muggle baby milk powder. Formula I think. Well Reggie, as it turned out, was allergic and kept vomiting it up and started to lose weight. He was quickly becoming very sickly. Anne's parents helped him to find a Milk Bank; it saved my nephew's life."
"Milk Bank?"
"Yes, there are several throughout London. Apparently, muggle mothers who either have a good supply or have decided to stop breast feeding their own children can opt to use those pump things and donate the excess milk to banks. The milk is stored and tested for disease and then made available to babies like Reggie who need it, because they have been orphaned or because their mother is not capable of producing what they need. Now, I know it is a lot to ask of you, but if it is something you think you would be interested in, I could have Reginald supply me with information on the Milk Bank he used, and from there, if you chose you could find a Milk Bank that is suitable to you. It's just something to think on dearie, the decision is yours of course, and I would think no less of you if you made the decision not to. I do however find that sometimes, in situations such as these, it can help us to heal when we find it in ourselves to help others as well," she told her, as she placed her hand on top of Hermione's small pale one.
"I understand, and thank you for sharing your brothers story with me. I promise I will think on it. Is there anything else? I think that's about as much breast talk as I can take for the time being." She really just wanted to be left alone with her thoughts for a while. She hadn't even had the chance to grieve her loss yet and there was so much information to think about. She wished more than ever that she had her mother with her.
"Well there is the issue of your uterus dear, and your cervix. Unfortunately both suffered sufficient damage from the trauma and, while healed, it is unlikely that you would be able to carry a child to term. There is quite a bit of scarring to the uterus from the emergency cesarean. Healer Plackett is wonderful with emergency care, but he unfortunately isn't a midwife and cesareans are rare in the magical world as it is. There is nothing we can do. The cervix however was damaged by the time you arrived. To our best estimations, your attack served to induce labor and the rough penetration caused damage to your dilating cervix. Then as your body tried to forcefully push the baby out of your body while you were unconscious, it caused tearing to your already delicate and bruised cervix. There was simply not much we could do to repair the damage." She gave Hermione's hand a squeeze, knowing that the information must feel like a swift kick when she was already down. She wouldn't be able to have more children. No amount of expensive potions would be able to counteract the damage done.
Hermione was crying, tears sliding down her cheeks and veering off with gravity toward her ears. She sucked in a deep breath and turned to look at the woman who was attempting to console her with a gentle squeeze to her hand. "Thank you for telling me. I realize I needed to know. I do think I would like to be left alone for a little while if that is all right with you." She wanted to be able to cry in earnest and didn't want an audience for her tears, but she was finding it difficult to hold back.
"Yes of course dear. I will bring you some tea in a little while. You get your rest." She stood and prepared to leave when she turned back to Hermione. "Oh, I almost forgot dearie," she told her as she pulled something from the pocket in her robes, "this came for you just before I came in. I'll leave it for you to look at when you like." She placed the rolled up parchment on her bedside table and saw herself out.
Hermione cried for a while before bothering to inspect the parchment she had been left. Pulling it from the table, she immediately recognized Harry's messy script.
'Mione-
Sorry I won't be able to visit today. I wish I could really but something's come up. I threw myself at the mercy of my boss and promised to work without pay for a while in exchange for being let in on this. Still no sight of Ron or Verity, but they cracked the wards on Verity's flat. It's a cluster-fuck there really. I don't know what to make of it all yet but we are going to be there all night, and maybe tomorrow going through it all. She was one sick puppy 'Mione. I don't know what's goin' on, and I can't tell you in a letter anyhow. I'll be by to see you when I can, and 'Mione, if you go back to your parents, take someone with you, put up wards; strong ones. We don't know where they are and from what I can tell Ron isn't the only one who is a danger to you. I am sorry 'Mione, I wish I had better news. I love you. Take care and I'll see you soon.
-Harry
Hermione didn't know what to make of it all. She knew Verity had no qualms sleeping with a married man, but she had no idea what to think of Harry's note. All she knew in that moment was that she was alone, her child was dead and that she may or may not be in danger once she left the hospital, which she was hoping she could do the next morning at the latest. She threw Harry's letter back onto the table and curled in onto herself. She sobbed for her loss; for a baby she never named but loved more than anything. She placed a hand on her stomach and felt nothing but empty.
Severus quietly opened the door and, seeing the woman on the bed curled up in the fetal position, believed she may be asleep until he heard her quiet sobs. For a moment he wanted to leave; back away quietly before she realized he was in the room with her. He had no idea what to say to her and his own guilt over her pain was eating away at him. He had done so many evil things in his life. He had taken the life of his friend and mentor, but this; he felt responsible for the life she had lost and he was terrified that one of his few true friends would never forgive him for his reluctance to stop it. He finally decided that he had turned away from her pain for long enough and it had only served to hurt her more, so he coughed lightly, alerting her to his presence and putting a stop to any chance of escape.
Hermione slowly sat up and turned to see who was in the room with her. Upon seeing the pained look, where Severus usually wore a stony, unreadable mask, she felt some of her pain lessen. She wasn't alone. For what ever reason, she had this dark, usually closed off man as her friend and in that moment she couldn't feel more blessed.
"Severus." Her voice was soft, and even if he couldn't see her face it would have been evident she had been crying. "Thank you for being here. I don't know what to do and I just want to go home but I don't even have a home anymore; not really. I haven't been to my parents' house since before we left for the damned Horcrux hunt. I just, Severus, I'm scared." She sucked in her bottom lip as fresh tears welled in her eyes.
Sweet Nimue, Severus thought, even bald and blubbering the witch is beautiful. He decided to sit on her bedside and gingerly wiped the fresh tears from her cheeks with the rough pads of his thumbs. "Hermione. Surely you know that I wouldn't be any where else. I do not know how you managed it witch, but with all your Gryffindor tenacity you have managed to force your way into my life. Though I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I find that I would be bereft of your company now that I have grown accustomed to having it. I do suppose you are not nearly as insufferable as a woman as you were as a child, especially now that you see fit to pay for my potions instead of stealing from my stores." He gave her a little smirk and took her much smaller hand in his.
Hermione loved the warmth she felt throughout her body as he wrapped his long slender fingers around hers, encasing her small cold hand in both of his. She found the roughness of his fingers oddly comforting. Severus was not one to touch and she knew this. Any physical contact between the two had always been instigated by her, with the exception of the times he had offered his arm as they walked to and from lunch on Wednesdays. More than anything his words had offered her comfort. She wasn't nearly as scared knowing she had this man; this strong capable wizard in her life. "Thank you Severus. For everything; for being my friend, for letting me in, for being here when I need you most. You saved my life you know. Oh, and thank you for the potions, I nearly forgot. That was so sweet of you." He quirked his eyebrow at her.
"I do not do 'sweet' Hermione. You had already paid for most of them anyhow, or did you forget why I was in your building in the first place. As for everything else, I am equally grateful you took leave of your senses and decided to befriend me. Minerva is a good friend but her nagging is getting tiresome and she isn't nearly as pleasing to look at over lunch." Hermione's blush was deeper than he had ever seen and he realized he'd said that last bit out loud and not just in his head. "Well, that is to say…"
"Thank you Severus, I think I would prefer to look at you over Minerva as well. You are quite striking with your hair pulled back you know." She ducked her head in embarrassment and shock over her nerve. I cannot believe I just said I found him striking, she thought. "I am sure you must know that. I have noticed more than one young witch batting her lashes at you in your shop." Not feeling entirely comfortable with the direction of their conversation and afraid to give away more about the nature of her feelings for him she decided to change the topic of discussion.
"Severus; the assistant healer who has been seeing to me said we could discuss my release but I got a letter from Harry telling me that it might not be safe for me to go to my parents alone, I was wondering, if…Well I was hoping…"
She hated to ask more of him, after everything he had done for her, and part of her was afraid of what would happen if she was truly alone with him. It was becoming increasingly difficult to deny that her feelings had grown for him over the course of their friendship, but even if they weren't one-sided, and she suspected they weren't, she wasn't sure she was ready to be anything more to him than a friend.
"Hermione, I would have offered to help you home and be sure that the house was secured and well warded even if you had not asked it of me. You should not be alone right now. Whatever you should need Hermione, I will see to it. I can promise you he will not be able to harm you again." He released her hand and placed his fingers under her chin forcing her to look at him, to see the sincerity in his face. "Look at me Hermione," he pleaded with her. "I will not let him harm you. I should have stopped it long ago and I will not make that mistake again. I find I care far too much for you to see you in pain anymore."
Hermione was shocked to see the emotion shining in his dark eyes. "Thank you Severus, so much. I feel so safe with you." Her voice got softer as she leaned forward and placed a soft chaste kiss on his thin lips. She leant forward and placed her forehead on his chest above his heart, taking comfort in the steady beat of his heart and the rise and fall of his chest. She found herself happy that Harry had been unable to visit as she felt Severus wrap an arm around her and draw her body nearer, into a safe protective embrace.
They sat there like that, holding onto one another and taking comfort in each others warmth as he slowly moved his hand up and down her back, taking note of raised scars evident beneath the thin material of her gown. Severus placed a soft kiss on the top of her bald head, finding the sensation of the light caramel colored fuzz that had started to sprout, odd against his lips. He rested his chin on her head and pulled her the slightest bit closer feeling the sudden desire to never let her go. The evening of her breathing alerted him to the fact that she had fallen asleep in his arms.
He carefully maneuvered her back onto the bed and gently laid her head back on her pillow. "I don't know what you are doing to me Hermione but I don't think I want to stop it." He placed another light kiss on her forehead and moved to sit on the chair. She whimpered lightly at the loss of his warmth, so he took her hand back in his and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "I'm right here Hermione. I'm not going anywhere. Just rest."
He was still rubbing his thumb across her hand, watching her sleep when the door opened.
"Oh, Mister Snape, hello. It is good to see you again," Healer Plackett told him as he made his way to the bed, "I just need to do a final check and if all is well she can go home. I'll let her sleep a little while longer as there is no need to wake her for this. When he was finished checking her over he turned his attention back to Severus. "She is healing well, a real survivor this girl. I see no reason why she can't go home tonight, provided she has assistance for the next few days. Do you know if she has plans to bury the child?" he asked, patting his wrinkled hand on her shoulder, trying not to wake her up as he did so.
"We have not yet spoken of the baby. I fear she is trying to avoid it mostly. I am sure however that she would like to give the child a proper burial. She loved that child more than anything and went to great lengths to conceive it. I will speak with her about it and inform the proper people. I will also of course see to it that she is taken care of while she finishes healing. Thank you for everything you did to save her. We owe you greatly." He gave the old man a small nod and looked back to the sleeping witch at his side. He waited until the healer had left him alone with her before he woke her.
"Hermione. Hermione, wake up." She cracked one eye open and groggily moaned at him something that sounded like his name. "Hermione, the healer was here. He said we can get you home now, get up darling and let's get you home." Shite. Way to go Severus. You just had to go and call her that. Hopefully she didn't notice, he thought to himself, worried she had caught the horribly out of character endearment and would consequently push him away. She needed a friend, not a love sick fool spouting sonnets. Not that Severus thought of himself as a love sick fool, he simply cared for the stunningly beautiful, brilliant minded, kid hearted woman on the bed.
'Hmmm? Oh, home. Yes, home please," she said, "Severus, do you think you could transfigure me something to wear? I would rather not go out in this and I don't know where my wand is."
He quickly pointed his wand at her and in a matter of moments she found her gown transformed into a simple black woolen dress with long sleeves that belled slightly. As she stood the dress fell just past her knees. She laughed, seeing the uncharacteristically dark color on her body. She briefly wondered if Severus would have been able to conjure an actual color. She smiled at the thought. It was actually a rather lovely dress and seemed to support her growing chest rather nicely considering she was still without any undergarments. Severus took two flower petals from one of the magenta carnations George had brought her and in an impressive show of his skills transfigured them into simple, but rather cute, little magenta flats.
"Thank you Severus, it's lovely." She walked over and put her arms around his neck. "Thank you. I know, I keep telling you that, but I mean it. I don't know what I would do without you Severus. I need to leave a note for Assistant Healer Roderick about something and then I would really love to get out of here," she told him.
"It is nothing. As I said before; you tell me what you need and I will see to it. Why don't I shrink the flowers for you and we can take them along, I am sure someone at the front desk will be able to pass along whatever it is you need," he told her as he wrapped her into his arms briefly, wondering how much it would hurt if she decided she no longer needed him.
"Yes please."
After the flowers were tucked away inside his robes, Severus grabbed the parcel of potions from the bedside table and offered Hermione his arm and proceeded to lead her out of the hospital, stopping quickly at the reception desk so Hermione could quickly pen a note to the assistant healer.
"I am afraid, Hermione, that I do not know where we are going," he told her as they got out to the apparition point.
"Oh, of course and I don't have my wand. Um, could you just look?" She gave him a questioning glance and knew he understood what she was asking.
"If you are sure," he hesitated, not wanting to take more from her than had already been taken. At her nod he quietly dove into her mind seeking what he was after, trying to ignore the other images that she couldn't keep from the forefront of her mind.
Hermione had tried to pull the image she wanted to the front of her mind, and hide the rest. She had hoped he didn't see more than she was ready for him to know. He was quickly out of her mind and if he saw anything other than the location he said nothing of it; simply asked her if she was ready.
"Whenever you are Severus," she told him as he wrapped his arms around her and turned on the spot, disapparating away with a quiet pop.
A/N: Okay, quick question…Any guesses as to what dear Verity has been hiding from everyone, including Ron? What big secret has Harry so freaked out? I know, ofc ourse, but it is so fun to hear your theories…
.lily