Part II

"Well, hi there, baby girl. I'm Sodapop. I met you at the hospital right after you were born. Do you remember? Aw, what am I talkin' about? Of course you don't. You're too little to remember stuff just yet."

Samuel stood near Soda's side, his adopted daughter focusing on her birth father's face as she lay on the floor, the toys of a play gym dangling right above her. "But after she sees you a few times, you'll be familiar to her. She'll know your face and voice."

Soda touched one of the toys and made the bell inside ding, seeing Emily's eyes move to it as she heard the sound. "Can I please hold her?"

"Of course you can." Samuel picked Emily up off the floor and placed her in Soda's arms, the infant immediately snuggling up to him. "See? She's already comfortable with you."

Soda felt Emily's head on his shoulder, hearing her tiny voice coo at him, as her fingers reached out to touch his face. "Yeah. I was hopin' for that. Hi, Emily Beth. Are you going to be affectionate like me? I know I'm already talkin' to you like you understand stuff, but I can't help it. I'm just so happy to see you. I'm so excited to be part of your life."

Samuel watched Soda with the baby, not surprised to see tears in the younger man's eyes as a smile also covered his face.

"Is it okay if I tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

"That I love her. Is it all right for me to say that?"

"Of course it's all right. That's good for her to hear."

"But I just- well, I wasn't sure since you're her dad, and I'm not. I wouldn't want to do anything I ain't supposed to."

"You aren't, Sodapop. You can tell Emily you love her because you do. You're not treading some sort of line here, while I watch to make sure you don't step out of bounds. We didn't all arrange for this kind of open adoption so I could stop you from having these moments with her. Say what you want and be yourself. It's how you'll get to know each other."

Soda's gaze moved back to Emily, her brown eyes like staring into his own reflection. "I love you, Emily Beth. It's real important to me for you to know that even before you're big enough to understand what it means."

"She's so quiet when we talk to her that I wonder if she is grasping things already. She seems like a great listener."

"That sure makes sense."

"Should I go get Ponyboy now? Even with Vivian keeping him company, he seemed a little antsy when I left him out on the porch."

"Yeah. Tell him to come inside. I know he's part ready to see Emily, and I'd really love to share this with him."

"Steve, maybe you should sit down, Son."

Steve paced the kitchen floor, his feet moving back and forth along the tile, as Nicholas made a green been casserole. "No. I don't want to sit down. I can't be still right now."

Nicholas set the casserole in the oven, leaving it to bake, as he stepped into Steve's path, hands grasping his son's shoulders. "I know it's been a tough year, but everything is working out just the way it's supposed to. You've been exactly the kind of friend Sodapop needs, and I'm sure you'll be the first person he wants to talk to after he's done visiting with Emily."

"So, do I still get to be Uncle Pony?"

"Um, I don't know, Pone. I guess I ain't the one who gets to decide that."

"Because they're her parents now, right?"

"Well, yeah. So I get to see her and all, but other things are up to them."

"What will she call you?"

"She can call me Soda or whatever she wants. I'm okay with anything as long as I'm in her life."

"Yeah, I guess I am too. Do you know when you'll see her again?"

"Not yet. I'd like to as often as I can though."

"Soda?"

"Yeah?"

"Will Emily know that you're her biological father?"

"Not for a while. Samuel's talked about it before, but that's somethin' else him and Vivian will decide when she's old enough to be able to understand it."

"Do you think Darry will go see her soon?"

"Probably. I bet he just wants to see how I am first."

"So, how are you then?"

"I ain't sure yet. It might take me a little while to figure that out."

"Hey, man. How'd it go?"

Soda stepped outside, finding Steve on the back porch steps. He took the spot beside his best friend as he attempted to put into words how it had felt to see his birth daughter. "It kind of feels like it wasn't real. Seein' her starin' back at me seems like it must've been a dream."

Steve's gaze stayed on Soda as he watched his friend's eyes look off into a distance that didn't stretch beyond the fenced yard and neighborhood streets. "That's probably because it's a lot for you to take in at once. I know how I felt looking at Emily, and that must be magnified 100 times over for you."

"Yeah. I almost cried but not really from bein' sad. It was from just bein' amazed. Cause she's this adorable little person, and I loved lookin' at her."

"Did Penny know you were going over there today?"

"Yeah. I told her. And, just like I figured, she ain't ready to visit Emily yet. I'm kind of workin' out what to say to her about it when we see each other tomorrow."

"She probably just needs to hear that Emily looks good and healthy. That she's happy too."

"Yeah. I think that might be the most she wants to hear. I just don't want to end up hurtin' her with anything I say. I feel like we're on different sides of the fence when it comes to dealin' with bein' birth parents in a situation like this one."

"Because you are. You don't want exactly the same roles. And a great thing about it is both of you can do what works."

"We can. I can be as close as I want to be, and Penny can keep the distance for as long as-"

Steve heard Soda's thought come to a halt, looking over at his friend to see him still within what he hoped was simply the awe and wonder of reflection. "Something wrong, buddy?"

"No. I don't think so. I'm just so...stunned right now, I guess?"

"You do seem like it. But you made it here, brother."

"Made it where? You mean to your house?"

"Well, yeah. But I really meant you made it here to this part of the adoption. It used to feel kind of far away, but now, you're in Emily's life. That's not just the plan anymore. It's happening."

"That's why I'm stunned. She was in my arms lookin' at me with those beautiful brown eyes, and I couldn't help but wonder what the hell I did to earn that. I don't know how I ever could've thought God was punishing me."

"Punishing you? How? Why?"

"'Cause me and Penny slept together when we ain't married. I wondered if the pain I felt over us givin' the baby up was God's punishment for doing somethin' he didn't want us to."

"Aw, buddy. I don't think God works like that. He's not looking down at you and thinking up ways to make you suffer."

"I know. I asked Samuel about it then. He said it in a different way, but he pretty much told me the same thing."

"I'm glad you listened to him. He knows what he's talking about when it comes to God. I don't think you had to do anything to earn those moments with Emily either. They're just part of what's happening, and that's something you get to share with Samuel and Vivian."

"I feel so much like I did the day she was born. Except, this time, it's less sad."

"Yeah. I remember how you looked that day, and you even said you were amazed then too. I can see the same feelings right there on your face."

"Samuel told me I'd still be his friend, that I'd fit where I already was. I believed him then, but now, it feels true. I've really got a place to belong."

"I'll go see her when I'm ready, Pony. It's honestly not my top concern right now."

Pony opened his science textbook, sitting down on the couch, as Darry was gathering his clothes to take a shower. "Then, what is?"

Darry fished a towel out of the laundry basket, shaking out the wrinkles, as he saw Pony's eyes staring at him, waiting for an answer. "At the moment, it's having a relaxing shower after a long, hard day. But since you don't mean that, my top concern is our brother and making damn sure this situation is one that won't end up affecting him in a negative way."

"A negative way? How would it do that?"

"She's his baby, and the adoption took place right in front of him. So I'm worried what that could end up doing to him emotionally. He's so close to this, and it might be tough not to get too involved."

"But don't you want him to be able to see Emily?"

"Of course I do. It isn't that. It's just... it's more complicated than I know how to say."

"You should've seen how he looked today, Dar. I could swear his face lit up when we were with Emily. I loved seeing him so happy."

"Yeah. I bet he was happy. It was a long wait for him. I just hope that feeling has a chance to last."

"So, how about we take that road trip in two weeks?"

Soda walked with Steve, the two heading toward the park. "Huh? I didn't know we were really plannin' that."

Steve chuckled as he remembered the certainty his best friend had expressed less than two months earlier. "I could never forget how you talked about that. We said we would go in the spring, remember? And it's here."

"But why two weeks from now then?"

"Just to give us time to clear it with Mr. Coleman, so we can leave work a little early that afternoon. But it shouldn't be a problem. I already ran the idea by him today, in fact."

"You did?"

"Yep. It's not like the two of us ask for much either, so he's fine with it as long as we're back by Monday morning."

"So, we'll leave on Friday and come back Sunday?"

"That's what I'm thinking. Sound good to you?"

"Well, yeah, but I still ain't sure exactly where we're going."

"I'm not either, but I figured that's what maps are for."

"You know how to read one?"

"I can try, and I bet my dad can help us. He used to travel a lot when he was younger. He'll know the best way to go as far as the different routes and stuff like that."

"We're really doin' this, huh?"

"Looks like it. Don't you still want to?"

"Of course I do. But we'll just be gone those couple of days, right? Friday to Sunday?"

"Yep. That's long enough, isn't it?"

"Sure it is. I just wanted to check. That way, I know what to tell Darry and how much money we might need too. Man, I haven't even been out of Tulsa in years now."

"Yeah. Me neither, and that's just one reason both of us are long overdue for a vacation."

"You can do whatever you want, honey. That's part of the point. If you'd like to go see her, you're allowed. But there's no obligation."

"I'm just not sure what I want, Mom. Especially since I know Sodapop went today. That makes me feel at least a little differently. But I can hardly imagine being in the same room with Emily. What would I do? I can't act like her mother when that's not what I'm supposed to be."

"You would hold her, talk to her, and just be with her. It's fine for you to be present in her life, Penny. That wouldn't mean you're acting like her mother."

"It just feels too awkward for me right now. Not only the idea of being around Emily, but Samuel and Vivian too. I think Sodapop has the better place here because he had a relationship with them before all this. I didn't though, so maybe it's best if I wait at least a little while longer."

"Yeah, I heard you had a good visit, little buddy. Pony already told me all about it."

Soda joined Darry inside the house as his older brother was about to chop up some potatoes. "He did, huh? 'Cause he was pretty happy to see Emily himself. I could tell."

Darry pressed his knife into one of the potatoes, its blade piercing the skin before cutting into the flesh. "Me too. You and Steve have a lot to talk about?"

"Not as much as we sometimes do. We're takin' a trip in two weeks."

"You are? To where?"

"Still ain't sure yet. Not far though and just for a weekend."

"All right then."

"So what can I do, Dar? What else are we havin'?"

"Baked beans."

"Okay. I'm on it."

Darry heard the sound of a cabinet opening and closing, followed by the buzz of the can opener.

"Hey, watch your fingers there, big brother. You almost cut yourself with that knife."

"I did?"

"Yeah. Looks like you're daydreamin'."

Darry's gaze shifted down to the sliced potatoes as he heard Soda put the pot of beans on the stove. He then felt his middle brother's hand taking the knife from him. "What are you doing? I'm using that."

Soda nudged Darry out of the way, taking his older brother's spot, as he began to finish up the potatoes. "I'm takin' over for you. Go rest or somethin', Dar. I don't want you to end up hurtin' yourself."

"I wasn't. I can handle it, Soda."

"So can I."

"Are you trying to tell me to get out of my own kitchen?"

"No, of course not. You just looked like you needed a break."

"But I don't."

"You sound like me when I don't think I need help."

"I don't need help. It's just dinner."

"I'm sorry if I offended you, Dar. I didn't mean it like that. Is anything wrong?"

"I should be the one asking you that question."

"Why?"

"Because you went to see Emily today! So quit worrying about me, and let's talk about how you're doing."

"Oh. I'm okay. I was a little bit overwhelmed, but it didn't last long."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm good. Really. Besides, you're the one who said you thought seein' her would be good for me."

"Yeah. I did say that. Sorry for getting so short with you, Pepsi Cola. I'm just kind of tense."

"Kind of? You seem real tense to me. But you don't need to be, I swear. I admit I'm thinkin' a lot right now, but it's nothin' bad."

"So what is it then?"

Soda turned his attention back to the potatoes as he contemplated an answer, putting them in a frying pan, before adding both oil and heat. "It's heartfelt. I held her, and she even cuddled up to me. I talked to her, like she can understand what I say. I called her Emily Beth, like it was the most natural thing in the world."

"So, you think this is all going to work out okay for you then?"

"Yeah. Why? Did you think it wouldn't or somethin?"

"I haven't been completely sure, to be honest with you here. I think it's just that I'm a very practical person, so I want to know how things will actually work."

"All right. So, what would be a part that's practical then?"

"Deciding how often you visit and the level you'll be involved in her life. Deciding what the two of you can do when you spend time together. Figuring out the milestones you'll be allowed to share as she grows up."

"That's kind of what makes the adoption open. I can talk about stuff like that with Samuel and Vivian whenever I need to. But I'm basically like another member of Emily's family. I'm not her dad, but I can be around."

"Right. You can. You can be a role model for her. Somebody else she loves and looks up to."

"That's what I want to be."

"You can be around for her birthdays, for holidays, her first day of school."

"You're gettin' kind of ahead there, Dar. She just started rollin' over."

"But you can't ever bring her home with you. You won't be putting her to bed at night. You won't be the one making her breakfast."

"For somebody who was worried about how I'm doin', you're sure makin' me ache, Dar. What's going on? You sound like you're gettin' lost in your thoughts, and that doesn't happen a lot with you."

"Can I be brutally honest with you, Soda? I mean in a way that might make you not like me or what I have to say?"

"I don't think you can say anything that would make me not like you. Go ahead and say whatever's on your mind."

"Okay. I've wondered sometimes if this open adoption was the best way to go. If it's for the best that you'll be so close to a child you aren't able to raise. I wonder if there's a risk of you blurring the lines that are meant to be boundaries."

"Well, I've wondered too if another way might've been better, but that's for Penny's sake, not mine. What lines do you think I could blur?"

"I just mean it wouldn't be difficult to get too attached and try to be something you can't. Emily's your biological child, and I'm not sure that parental instinct could ever go away."

"It may not go away, but that doesn't mean I can't control myself, Dar. I'm not going to jump in over there and act like her parent. A lot of stuff is left up to Samuel and Vivian, and I'd never step into anything that ain't supposed to be my business. They're raisin' her, and I plan to let them do things the way they believe is right. I can be around her and love her without crossin' any lines."

"So what about me then, little buddy? Where does this leave me?"

"You? What do you mean?"

"You're my brother, and she's your baby. I love her too."

"Aw, so that's what's going on here. Darry, you can be in her life. You can be close to her and-"

"No. I can't. I can't do this like you are." Darry went over to the stove and used a spatula to turn the frying potatoes over, making the oil pop and spatter. "When I saw her in the hospital, I couldn't help but think about how she's Mom and Dad's grandbaby. Their first grandchild. Yet, she's not actually part of our family."

"I don't see it quite like that though. Penny and me are her birth parents, and you're part of that. All of us are her birth family."

"I'm sorry, Soda. I don't mean to make any of this about me. I really have been worried about you and how everything will play out as far as you being in Emily's life. I know this is still something that's in progress, and I hope I'm not making the wound any deeper."

"You ain't makin' it deeper. I can still listen to you talk about what you're thinkin' too, and I want you to know you can take your time, all right? I'm not going to push you to see Emily if it seems like somethin' you can't do yet. It's just important to me for you to know I'm okay and that I'm handling this pretty much the best way I can."

"Don't worry, Dad. You'll get a vacation when you and Audrey go on your honeymoon."

Nicholas stood behind Steve, who was holding a map, as he eyed the lines that represented roads leading west out of Tulsa. "That's true. I don't even know where she would like to go. We haven't talked about it yet."

Steve traced one of the lines with his finger, seeing that it went toward a city in Kansas. "Where does Cousin Janey live again?"

"Clear on the other side of the state, Son. Definitely farther than it sounds like you and Sodapop plan to go."

"Yeah. I don't see us driving more than a few hours on this trip."

"So, what will you do once you get to whichever city you decide on?"

"Find a hotel. Drive around a bit and just hang out. You know us. We don't need much entertainment."

"Much? I don't think you usually need any. You two just march to the beat of your own drum."

"That's a good way of putting it. We really do." Steve folded up the map as he got to his feet. "So I guess we'll just plan what we can, and leave the rest up to fate."