Vivian laid Emily down in the crib, a blanket wrapped around the infant as the mobile above her played a lullaby. The mother of two watched her baby breathe as she thought of her firstborn, imagining how he would've enjoyed being a big brother.

Samuel peeked into the room, seeing his wife there with the crib that held their baby girl. "Is she asleep, honey?"

Vivian put on hand on the crib's railing, the wooden slats covered with bumpers, as Emily napped soundly. "Yes. She's asleep."

Samuel padded across the room, coming to stand close to Vivian as he put his arm around her waist. "Good. I'm home for the day, so I'll take over for a while when she wakes up."

"You don't have to."

"I want to. You know that." Samuel lifted a hand to touch Vivian's cheek. "I know I was hesitant at times when she first came home, but I'm not now. That fear's not as strong as it was then, and I'm totally comfortable."

"I know. I've been able to tell when you care for her." Vivian's gaze drifted to the music box that was on top of Emily's dresser, picturing the teddy bears inside, as she heard their melody in her mind. "I love her just as much as I would a biological child. I love her just like I loved Matthew."

"We both do. Because it's not in the blood or the genes." Samuel's eyes focused on Emily, who remained at rest, despite their voices. "That love is in every moment we create with her, and it comes from our hearts."

"Soda? What are you doing?"

Soda didn't look up as Pony entered the room, his focus only on shoving clothes into the bag that was on his bed. "I'm leavin', Pone. I've gotta get away. Right now. Not next week. Today."

Pony watched as Soda opened every drawer in his dresser, the middle brother hardly seeming to realize what he was grabbing. "What? But where are you going? And don't you have work tomorrow?"

"That doesn't matter. I just need to go."

"But Darry won't like it if you take off when you're supposed to be-"

"I don't care! Don't you get that, Pony? I need to get away, and I can't wait!"

"You keep saying that. What do you need to get away from?"

"Everything! I need to get away from here. From my head. From every memory I've got."

"Running from it won't help though, and I don't want you to leave when I have no idea where you're going or what you're doing. Why don't you talk to Steve or to Darry when he gets home? That always helps you."

"It won't this time." Soda zipped the bag up and slung it over his shoulder as he went past Pony. "I don't know where I'm going. I just know I'm takin' off. I'm nineteen, so there's nothin' you or Darry can do to stop me."

"Hello?"

"Steve? Is that you?"

"No, Kid. You've reached the office of President Johnson. Yeah, it's me. What's up?"

"Did Soda say anything to you about going somewhere today?"

"Like where? We're going on our trip next week, but-"

"No. I mean now. He took off, and I don't know where he was going."

"Took off? Did he just go to Penny's or something?"

"No. He packed a bag and told me he needed to get away. Then, he got in his car and left."

"What? He didn't tell you anything at all about what he's doing?"

"No. That's why I called you. I'm worried because this isn't like him."

"Did he say anything else to you?"

"Just that he didn't care about needing to work tomorrow and couldn't wait. He said he needed to get away from his memories. I told him he should talk to you or Darry, but he told me that wouldn't help this time."

"Damn it. I'm not hearing a clue in any of that, and nothing happened today. We talked during lunch break, but that's hardly unusual."

"I don't like this, Steve. I want him to come home."

"I know, Kid. I'm coming over, okay?"

"But what can you do? He left already, and you don't know where he went either."

"I don't. But maybe we can figure something out together. Besides, I don't want you to sit there and worry all alone."

If I just keep driving, then I'll get somewhere.

If I cross a few county lines, the past will have to let go of me.

"I wish I knew more, Kid. Like I said, we talked earlier. Some things are bothering him, and it kind of makes sense for him to want to hit the road for a while. I've done it myself. We both have together. But we've never packed our bags before."

Pony looked out the front window, Steve's hand on his shoulder as he was doing the same. "He has no place to go, so he's gotta come home later, right?"

Steve saw Darry's truck turn onto the street, making its way toward the house. "Yeah. I would think so. He needs us to be there for him, so I can't see him staying away for long.

I'm a father.

A birth father.

But how can I be any kind of father when I don't even have one anymore?

I haven't had a father in over three years.

My parents have been gone, and no one's treated me the way a father would except-

No. I can't look at him like that. He's not mine. He's hers.

I lost mine, and I can never get that back.

"I knew he shouldn't have missed his appointment with Dr. Morgan yesterday. Nobody could convince me that didn't make a difference."

"Yeah. I feel you on that one, Superman. I also get why he'd be burned out though."

"He said some strange things to me last night, Steve."

"What kind of strange things?"

"Just about having memories he couldn't see."

"He said something like that to me too. I could identify with it, but maybe I didn't give enough thought to what it could mean. Going back to it now, I'm wondering if there really is something else underneath, and Soda's out there making sure he digs deep enough to find out what it is."

Maybe I should just turn around and go home. I bet they're all worried about me.

But I don't have parents. I don't have Mom and Dad.

I lost them here. I lost them on the road.

Yet, it's where I'm looking now. I'm looking here before I lose my whole self.

"How can you two just sit around and talk like this? Soda's off somewhere, and none of us has any idea where he went. But you're not doing anything, besides analyzing stuff he's said to you. We should all be out looking for him by now. It's been two hours!"

Darry was the first to respond to Pony, the older brother taking the younger by the shoulders. "From what you told us, it sounds like he's out driving, Pone. I don't think he's in any danger. If he's not back soon and doesn't call, we'll go check some places around town. But, for now, me and Steve are talking because that's the most insight we have here."

Steve touched Pony's arm as he spoke, his voice betraying a level of emotion that, years ago, he never would've allowed the youngest of the gang to see. "We're worried too, Pony. But we can't panic. As much as I don't like where it's coming from right now, what Soda said about being nineteen is true. He's an adult, and he's not doing anything wrong by leaving for a little while."

Pony snatched himself from both Darry's and Steve's grips. "Ya'll are hypocrites! Do you know that? You worry about Soda all the time, and you tell him what he should or shouldn't do. So don't tell me he's an adult after what I saw today. He may be nineteen, but age is nothing more than a damn number when it comes to his depression and whatever else is going on with him. I don't think he's safe at all, and if you do, you're blind to every clue that's right in front of your faces."

An eighteen wheeler.

Wait. Doesn't the driver see me?

Do I speed up or slow down?

He's switching lanes. I have to get out of his path.

But there's no time. There's never any time.

Stop thinking and just move. Your life depends on it, and there's only one way out.

"He hasn't said anything like that to you lately, has he, Steve?"

"Anything like what?"

"That would mean he's not safe, like Pony just said."

"No, Darry. He hasn't. Not directly anyway. I'm starting to think I didn't listen enough today though. Maybe I should've taken him more seriously."

"What do you mean? Was there something else that could've meant he'd leave?"

"No. But he was trying to tell me how much he's hurting, and I brushed it off with a half-baked explanation, instead of really going there with him. I'm sorry. If I had paid better-"

"No. Stop it. Beating yourself up over whatever you think you didn't do or say won't do any damn good right now. Besides, I doubt anything you said to Soda was 'half-baked'. I know how both of you talk to each other about things, and that's not it."

"I would say the same thing any other time, but now, I keep running that conversation over in my head and thinking I could've done so much better."

"I know you've had a lot of serious talks with Soda, so I have a hard time believing you'd take anything lightly when you shouldn't. Especially not when it comes to him."

"I just wish I had gotten him to talk more, I guess. Raised the subject again, you know? What he said about his memories needed more than I gave him."

"Well, you can give him that when he comes him then. I have to keep reminding myself that Soda has every reason to come home. I don't think he could stand going off totally on his own for too long a time."

"Me neither, Superman. He'll probably be back before we can even blink."

Is this how they felt? Were they scared before they died?

Soda watched the eighteen-wheeler disappear into the distance as he sat in the Chevy that was now on the side of the road.

I could've been hurt.

I could've been killed.

Taking the deepest of breaths, Soda laid his head back against the seat as he listened to the car's engine.

What time is it? It feels like I've been gone for hours.

Soda stared through the windshield, noticing how dark it now was outside.

I should go home.

Nobody even knows where I am.

Shifting the car back into gear, Soda pulled onto the highway once more, keeping his eyes peeled for the next exit.

"Still no word, Pony?"

Pony only shook his head in reply as Darry came through the front door. "No. He hasn't called. Did you check everywhere?"

Darry sighed as he tried to stop worry from getting the best of him. "I did. The park, the bowling alley, and Penny's house. Steve's checking the arcade, TwoBit's house, and Samuel's too."

"It's so strange for Soda to be anywhere by himself for a long time. I'm used to him being with Penny or Steve for hours. But not out like this with no idea where he went."

"Yeah. Tell me about it. I'm sorry if I came off earlier like-" Darry was interrupted by the ringing telephone, his hand immediately reaching for the receiver. "Hello? Sodapop, where the hell are you, little buddy? We've been so worried, I hardly have words for it."

Pony felt the urge to reach for the phone as he listened to his oldest brother's side of the conversation.

"So you've just been driving this whole time then? Okay. I'll see you when you get here. I love you, and you better be safe." Darry hung up the phone, tension visibly leaving his shoulders, as he let out yet another sigh. "That was Soda."

"I figured that much. Where is he?"

"Somewhere just past Clayton. He's driving back this way now."

"I'm trying really hard not to be pissed off at him, Darry. He had to know how worried we would be, and it's like he didn't even stop to think about it."

"You're probably exactly right. He didn't stop and think. He just did what he felt like he had to do. You said he told you he needed to get away, so apparently, he did just that."

"No, Steve. I haven't seen him. Did something happen?"

Steve resisted the inclination to bolt off Samuel's front porch, only the concern on the preacher's face keeping him from doing so. "I'm not sure. But it feels like it. He up and took off a few hours ago. He told Pony he needed to get away from some things and just left. Even packed a bag and took it with him."

Samuel could sense the anxiety radiating from Steve as he joined him on the porch, realizing that the younger man was making every attempt to hide his apprehension. "He didn't say anything at all about where he was going?"

"No. Just stuff about memories and getting away from what's in his head. It doesn't make sense. If he's having a hard time, he always comes to me. Or to Darry. He doesn't disappear by himself. Especially not for long and nowhere far away. I hate thinking of it like this, but that's scary after all he's been through in the last year."

"It is. I supposed you can't help thinking of it like that."

"I wonder what's happening in his head, you know? I've seen him and been right there with him when he's felt really bad, but now, I can't. I can't do anything but stand around and wait, and it's about to drive me crazy."

"Hey, ya'll. I'm, uh, sorry I took off. But I'm back now, and it's late. So maybe we can just talk tomorrow."

Darry took in Soda's appearance, seeing that his middle brother looked no worse for wear. "I'm not so sure that waiting till tomorrow is a wise idea. Is there some reason you decided to leave when you did?"

Soda didn't answer at first as his gaze moved from Darry, to Pony, and then to Steve. "Um, sort of. I think I figured it out when I was on the road. I'm real sorry, Pony. I shouldn't have been so mean to you earlier."

Pony went up to Soda, then put his arms around him and squeezed. "I'm glad you're home. You scared me with the way you were acting."

Soda hugged his younger brother back as his reflections began to return to where they'd ventured while he'd been driving. "I know. I guess I just needed a little time to myself. I can't say it didn't help either."

Pony pulled away from Soda, the words on the tip of his tongue not quite making it out before he went off to his room and closed the door.

Steve felt himself torn between the idea of going home and the want to stay to talk with his friend. "He called me after you left because he wanted to know if you said anything about going somewhere. So I came over not long after. What happened here, man? If you needed something, why didn't you come to me? Hell, I would've taken a long drive with you."

Soda's frustration began to rise as he put the bag he'd carried inside down on the couch. He then took a seat himself, despite his earlier thought that they would talk the next day. "There are some things I've gotta do on my own, Stevie. And this was one of them."

Darry took his chance to hug Soda, the swell of affection a surprise, as the late hour was starting to catch up with him. "All apologies accepted, little buddy. Even if Pony's not quite ready to act like it just yet."

Soda felt Darry's arms squeeze him as he returned the embrace. "I get it though. So he can be mad right now if it's what he needs."

Darry kissed Soda's forehead as he released him. "I'm going to head to bed now. See you in the morning."

Soda waited until Darry had disappeared down the hall before he turned to Steve. "You can go home. It's late, and I'm fine. Sorry Pony called you."

Steve didn't even make a move toward leaving, instead moving to sit near Soda. "I'm not sorry Pony called me at all. He was worried and looking for an explanation. I'm not ready to go home yet either because I've got a couple of things to say."

"I already know, okay? I know I could've called you, and I know I worried ya'll. I don't need you to tell me."

"That's actually not what I wanted to tell you. I get that you already know. What I'm wanting to say is I think I owe you an apology."

"Why?"

"Because I feel like I didn't really hear you earlier today, buddy. What you said to me about your memories, I glossed over it. If you're remembering something, and it's hurting you, maybe there's more going on here. I should've caught that just from listening to you talk. But I got too hung up on convincing you that you don't regret what you guys chose for Emily."

"You don't need to be sorry about that. It's not your fault. But you're right. There is more going on. It came to me when I was driving."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think I had to be on the road to get it 'cause it's the last place my mom and dad were."

"Your mom and dad? What's this have to do with them?"

"I think I felt the way I did with Samuel 'cause I don't have a dad anymore, and he was kind of actin' like one. He always does too."

"Wow. That's great, man. I mean, not that you felt it but that you get where it's coming from."

"It's not weird though? Samuel's not even old enough to be my father, and he's Emily's dad."

"Which doesn't mean it's weird for you to feel a connection. I can see why you would."

"A truck almost hit me earlier tonight."

"It did? What happened?"

"An eighteen-wheeler. It was changin' lanes, and I had to pull to the side of the road to get out of the way."

"Damn. Wasn't he even looking?"

"I don't know. But it scared me to death. Right after that, I found a pay phone and called home."

"Well, that makes me extra grateful you're safe. Please don't do that again, all right? It was hard not to know anything about how you were beyond what Pony told us you said. I don't mean to tell you what you're allowed to do, but I want you to hear how deep it cut to know you were having a hard time when I couldn't even try to help or fix it. I didn't like that feeling."

"Yeah. I know you didn't. I don't like that feeling either. But I think I had to get this by myself."

"Maybe so." Steve put his arms around Soda and held him close. "It's my turn now, buddy."

Soda laid his head on Steve's shoulder, letting his friend's arms cradle him. "It's so confusing, Stevie. 'Cause I feel bad for makin' ya'll worry, but I'm glad I left for a while too."

"Everything's just not so black and white. It's okay if stuff's not simple."

"I kept thinkin' about Mom and Dad when I was drivin'. 'Cause I'm a birth father now, even though I don't have a dad myself."

"I feel you on that one, brother. It has to be a hell of a jolt to realize your kid has something that you lost."

"Yeah. It is." Soda felt his mind wander backwards to a time of mourning, now able to see the faces of the memories and name the feelings they triggered. It's a jolt, he thought. One that I understand now, but I'm still not sure how to make it stop.