Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you might recognize in this story.
A/N: Thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers. I keep expecting someone to tell me how horrible this all is. I started writing this story because the idea burrowed into my brain and it has grown. I do so hope you are enjoying the story thus far, there is so much more to come. Again to all of you who have reviewed continue to do so ever faithfully, and to everyone who has added this story to your alerts and favorites…thank you…thank you…*curtsies*
And now to Severus and Hermione.
Thanks for reading as always, and I do hope you enjoy.
.lily
Severus closed up early. The funeral services were set to begin at 4:30, with the burial itself taking place just as the sun set at 4:55. He knew Hermione had wanted to be at the burrow at by 3:30 but Severus wasn't sure if it was a good idea. Leave it to Molly Weasley to announce that the child of Hermione and Ronald Weasley would be laid to rest at sundown on Tuesday April 19th. This is just bloody wonderful. Boy Wonder said they were believed to be out of the country, but it wouldn't take that big of a guess to figure out where the services were to be held, and Potter was genuinely concerned.
Severus wished he had told him more of what was going on and why it was so important that Hermione had actually been the one to kill Dolohov. It didn't seem anyone even knew about it. The world thought that Flitwick was the one who threw the fatal curse. Of course, there was always the possibility that she had told her husband at some point, perhaps right after the war, before he had started to sleep around and use her as a punching bag. And if he knew, then it was likely that his mistress knew. But why was she such a big threat, he didn't know. No-one would say what they found in her flat, but whatever it was had Potter completely freaked.
How was it that this girl was a bigger threat than the man who had beaten and raped her and then left her to die? None of it made sense. It was the wand though; the Dolohov connection that had Severus thinking. What would it matter to a girl who, by all accounts, was a muggle born witch? Dolohov had had a sick fascination with Hermione; Severus knew that. Not that he would tell her. She didn't need to know the sick little fantasies he would talk about during the revels. It was twisted how obsessed he became with her after the Battle of the Ministry. He had nearly killed her with his curse and the fact that she had survived it when most didn't, combined with the fact that he found her to be a pretty little thing was all it took. The thought made Severus sick, but what had any of that to do with the shop girl, he couldn't claim to know.
Dolohov didn't have any family left, other than a rumored daughter somewhere. He had never claimed her because her mother was a muggle, but he had the finances to support her and had done that at least, hoping the money would be enough to keep them away. That had been right around the time the Dark lord fell some twenty odd years ago though when Dolohov had mentioned he would be a father. Severus hadn't heard anything about the child since, other than she was a witch, but had attended Beaubaxtons.
A twenty-something witch, to all appearances a muggle born, who had not gone to Hogwarts? It couldn't be. What sense did it make? Even if she was Dolohov's daughter why would it matter? He hadn't even claimed her. But it fit and it was all he had to go on for the time being. He wouldn't tell Hermione yet, not until he had more answers. He would talk to Kingsley at the funeral. Kingsley was one of the few Order members that Severus had never had any problems with; they had always gotten along rather well. Kingsley had seen and done enough as an Auror to understand that sometimes the only way to get things done was to get dirty.
He would see about getting answers later for, right now, he needed to try to keep Hermione from spending the extra time at the Burrow just in case. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if she was hurt because he refused to listen to the Bloody-Boy-Who-Couldn't-Do-His-Own-Dirty-Work.
Severus apparated next to the tree in Hermione's back yard and was surprised to find her sitting on the swing. "Hello Severus, I wasn't expecting you," she said, without bothering to look at him.
He just watched her for a minute. She wasn't dressed for the funeral yet and was wearing another sundress. He wondered briefly if that was all that was in her wardrobe here that she could fit into comfortably. The dress was white and simple and from the back he could tell that she had used a glamour to cover the scars. Her shorter hairstyle was actually quite fitting for her and was pulled up in a messy twist, with a few tendrils loose brushing against her neck and temples. Her feet were bare and for a moment she looked like a sweet girl who didn't have a care in the world, but Severus knew that beneath the glamour's and the masks she wore she was a broken thing. He wanted nothing more than to see the reality of the image; to see her whole and care free. He could remember her school days, before the return of the Dark Lord, when she had actually laughed. He wanted to hear laughter spill from her lips once again.
"Hermione, how did you know it was me? It could have been anyone; you should be more on guard," he scolded her, though the tone in his voice was light and teasing.
Hermione turned and smiled at him. He could see dried tear tracks down her cheeks. She has been crying, he thought, though he wasn't surprised. "Severus, you set these wards. Do you honestly expect me to believe that anyone other than the two of us would be able to apparate into my yard?" she joked.
He smirked at her. Damn woman knows me too well. "Well, obviously. You should still be more careful Hermione." He wasn't sure where the impulse came from but he stepped behind her and started pushing her on the swing. He pushed her lightly and after a few pushes decided to tell her about his visit that morning. "Potter came to see me this morning," he said, his tone even and conversational, not belying any of the underlying anger with the boy or the situation.
"Harry? Really? How nice of him to visit someone," she bit out. Not that he would think seeing his so-called best friend is worthy of his time but oh, he has time for Severus.
Severus just kept pushing her, trying to keep her calm and enjoying the distraction. "Now Hermione, you do not really believe that the nuisance was paying me a social call do you?" he asked her, knowing that her frustration was with Harry and not him.
"Yes well, how would I know? I haven't seen him. He leaves me notes and messages with people he knows I will see," she told him as she tried not to cry, "Ah, so that's it then. Well, what's my message? What is it you are supposed to tell me?"
"He is concerned. He would like me to keep you safe. I suppose I gave more of myself away than I had thought while you were in that hospital if he chose to ask me for help" He paused for a moment before continuing. "But he is right Hermione. You need to be careful and you shouldn't be out alone. I am not sure why Weasley's mistress is a threat but Potter certainly seemed worried. I do not want to see anything else happen to you; certainly not if I can prevent it," he told her, knowing full well she would not want a babysitter and would feel like that was what this was.
"So why didn't he tell me himself?" she seethed as she dismounted the swing and spun to face Severus.
I do not want to tell her he left. Idiot boy! "I imagine that is because he is tracking Weasley and the girl, and is on his way to the states where he believes they fled. He was leaving the country when he broke into the Apothecary to tell me before I had opened this morning," he told her, taking a hold of her arms and rubbing his hands firmly up and down her biceps.
"He left for the States? He isn't going to be here when I bury his Goddaughter? It is his duty; he was supposed to perform the last burial rite. But no, he can't face me so he is going to throw himself into his work. How typical. He can't even tell me himself that he is abandoning me when I needed him, no he sends messengers and leaves me notes and has everyone else doing his dirty work for him because he is a coward!" Her voice was taking on a hysterical quality as she collapsed into tears.
Severus pulled her more firmly into his grasp, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder as her tears spilled out. He just held her in his firm embrace, his right hand rubbing comforting circles onto her back. "Shhh, it's alright Hermione, I'm here. I won't leave, I swear it to you. Shhh," he whispered into her hair.
In the past he had felt bound to protect certain people and the world in general, but with Hermione it was his utmost desire to see her safe. It wasn't just the dangers facing her from Weasley and his mistress, who may or may not be the illegitimate daughter of a dead Death Eater, but it was the pain of abandonment that she was feeling now. It was bad enough that she was suffering such a great loss, but she had in the process lost a husband (though he didn't view that as a bad thing personally) and was now being abandoned by her oldest friend. He hated to see her in so much pain and the darkness that was in him wanted to return that pain on those who had caused it. He didn't however think that Hermione would appreciate him torturing Potter. For now he would satisfy himself with being there for her and helping her through this for as long as she would allow it.
As she continued to cry on his shoulder Severus began to feel damp warmth seeping through his black silk button-down shirt and realized that she must be leaking. Pulling away lightly he lifted her face to his and implored her to look at him. "Hey, look at me Hermione. I am not going anywhere. I will not allow you to suffer any further. As long as you desire me to be, I will be at your side," he told her, placing a kiss to her forehead, "Now, why don't we go inside and you can express some of that milk while I make tea. Then you can go and bathe and ready yourself for the services tonight alright. I will be here, whatever you need."
Hermione leaned up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Thank you Severus. You're right. I need to pump and get ready. And well, your tea sounds lovely. Mine is atrocious. I honestly don't know why I can't make a decent cup of tea," she told him with a small smile, as she took his hand and led him towards the house.
Severus smirked at her. "Well I wasn't going to say anything about it, but now that you bring it up…your tea making skills are positively dreadful." His assessment earned him a small indignant snort from the woman who was slowly pulling him along with her.
Hermione sat at the kitchen table expressing milk while Severus busied himself making tea the muggle way. He looks so at home and natural working in my kitchen, she thought, watching as Severus pulled two tea cups down from the cabinet.
She found herself fantasizing about a life with him; a life where he made big breakfasts on the weekends and then read her the paper and Potions Journals while they were cuddled up on the couch sipping tea afterwards. She found herself envisioning a life where the nightmares were kept at bay by this strong man who had come to be so important to her. But overriding all of that was the fear that all his promises were worth as much as everyone else's seemed to be. She found herself trying not to fall in love with him, fearing that when she was back on her feet he would have little interest in her.
As she sat there thinking about losing him, tears began to stream down her face. She didn't even notice that Severus had set her tea in front of her until she felt his hand on her cheek, his thumb stroking the tears away with a soft caress.
She looked up into his deep purple eyes that shone with so much compassion and concern and felt herself become even more emotional. "Oh, Severus, I'm so sorry. I am such a mess," she cried.
Severus placed a soft kiss to the top of her head and maneuvered himself so that he was standing behind her. As his strong hands began to knead the soft flesh of her shoulders and neck she allowed herself to relax. "There is nothing you have to apologize for Hermione. You are so strong. You have been through so much, lost so much, and yet you are not letting yourself give up. You are an amazing woman Hermione," he said, leaning down to place kisses along her neck and shoulder. "So amazing. Beautiful. Strong. Intelligent. Caring," he told her, punctuating each word with another kiss to her neck.
Hermione's tears had stopped and she began to moan lightly at Severus' ministrations. "Thank you so much Severus. But if you do not stop that soon I will never be ready in time." She laughed lightly as she stopped pumping and turned to stand. Looking up at him she felt her emotions warring with one another. He made her feel so blissfully happy and yet the rest of her was screaming in pain and in fear. "I'm just so scared Severus," she told him, not able to keep it all inside her any longer. "I am scared of what everyone isn't telling me about Ronald and that woman. I am scared that I won't be able to get past this; that I will just keep wallowing in the loss and the pain. But right now, I am mostly scared that if I make it through all of this, I will end up alone. I am scared that one day I will wake up and any chance I had to be with you will be gone," she said, tears shining in her toffee colored eyes again as she told him of her fears.
Severus looked at her, completely dumbstruck. She is afraid she will lose me. Is the woman daft? Severus wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to him. After simply holding her to him for a moment he looked down to her tear stained face. "Hermione, is that what you want? Because if that is what you want you will never have to worry." She just gave him a timid little nod as she worried her lip and tried not to cry. "Hermione. It is going to be fine, or have you not been listening to me when I speak?" he asked her, his voice starting to sound slightly harsh as he grew frustrated that she did not trust in him.
Hermione wasn't sure what to say. Severus was holding onto her so tightly and seemed so upset that she didn't seem to trust in what he said when he told her that he would be by her side. She just knew that deep down she had wanted that for so long that losing it would tear apart what was left of her strength. "Yes. Or don't you get it Severus? Haven't you seen it? I have wanted this, wanted you, for far longer than I should have. I was married. Or so I thought, but I wanted you. I have wanted you since that day on the mountain. Seeing you half frozen to death over an ingredient that we both know you would not have gotten for someone else no matter the price. You would have told them to find a way to get it themselves if they really wanted it but you did it for me. Just to make me happy, to give me a baby, to help me fill the hole in my heart. The sad thing is Severus, what is so royally buggered about all of this, is that by the time you had brewed the potion, it wasn't what I wanted. I knew that a baby would never save my marriage. I feared for a child I had not yet conceived because I did not know who my supposed husband was becoming. I couldn't recognize him anymore. Yet you had gone through all of that, for me, had literally climbed a mountain for me. How could I not do what the potion intended? And it worked and I was going to have my miracle baby. I loved her, yes, but this sick twisted part of me that I loathe to acknowledge was resentful of her. She shackled me to a man I did not love and no longer even knew when, every time I saw you, every time we spoke. I felt myself falling more and more.
So yes, damn it Severus yes. I am scared. I am scared that while your kisses steal the breath from my lungs and shift the world beneath my feet, that to you, they are just kisses. I am scared that no matter what you say now, you will leave too. Everyone leaves. Everyone." She was hysterical, but Severus knew she needed to get it all out, to say all the things that had been building in her; that she had been dwelling on and letting them pull her deeper into a depression. She needed to voice it. "My parents are gone, and that's my fault I know, but they are dead. Who do I have left? Ronald is gone, not that I'm complaining. Harry can't bring himself to face me and Minerva gave up on me years ago. The only people in my life who really care about me only truly care about the girl I was supposed to be and not the girl I am. I lost half of the people I loved to that bloody war and the rest have all decided I am not worthy of the effort. I cannot bear the thought that you might leave me too when I would gladly give you my heart if you asked me to because it is already yours. So yes, it bloody scares the hell out of me Severus." She pounded her fists into his chest and buried her face in the crook of his neck while he held her, letting her cry.
Severus brought a hand up to play with the locks of hair that had fallen from her up-do and ran the other hand slowly up and down her back, doing his best to calm her. "Don't be scared, not of that, not of me abandoning you. My life was dreadfully monotonous until you walked into my little shop, looking as weary as I felt. At first you were a mystery to me, a puzzle. I could see what was happening and could tell when it started to get worse than a simple backhand to the cheek. I simply could not understand why for the love of Merlin you allowed it. You had this fire about you when you were a student, a spark. And while I wanted nothing more than to throttle you for being an intolerable-little-know-it-all, and for being the brains behind the schemes that caused me more grief than I had had to deal with in all of my time in that damned school, I never once ceased to notice you. You were a vibrant, lively, pain in my arse. So naturally when you came in, grown and undeniably beautiful, I could not help but wonder what the war had done to you to take away the light that seemed to radiate from you. You intrigued me. Before I knew it Hermione, lunch with you was the highlight of me week, and as much as I wanted to give you what you wanted and would have done nearly anything to see your face light up again the way it was meant to, I soon found myself wishing I had not agreed to make you that potion, because I wanted to know what it was like to be the one who brought the fire back into your eyes. I have been alone for most of my life. I have enjoyed my solitude and was content to continue living my life that way until you came around and completely destroyed my peace. I do not want it back Hermione. I want you. Why the hell else would I go through all of this. I am not a nice man Hermione. I do not just do things because it makes others happy, I am selfish and for the most part, unpleasant. However, I find that with you, I feel things I had forgotten I could feel and I feel weak with want for you. Do not, Hermione, do not think that I am some fickle young wizard who would bore of you once he had his fill. If I had wanted a bed companion I could have had that time and time again over the years. Thanks to Potter sharing my most private memories with the world, I am a bloody war hero now. I care not. Trust me when I tell you that I feel no compulsion to fix the world's problems. I am not here because you need me Hermione. I am here because I want to be. I want to be here, I want you. I will wait however long you need me to if that is what it takes because I believe you are worth it. If you are scared of anything Hermione, be scared of the depth of my emotion when it comes to you, Merlin knows I am, but do not be afraid that I will abandon you like so many others have." So much of the softness with which he had spoken to her recently was gone. His voice had the strong, deep and velvety bite that she remembered from when she was a student. It brokered no argument. His face showed the depth of his emotion and the truth behind his speech.
By the time he had finished they were both breathing heavily and she was looking up into his eyes as if seeing them for the first time. Without warning, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth to hers. This kiss was harder and more passionate than any they had shared before. The heat between them was a palpable force. Her tongue met his in a fiery dance and carried the truth of their words. They both wanted and needed the other.
When they finally broke apart, Severus realized that he needn't worry about convincing her not to go early. She had yet to get ready and it was quickly nearing four, if the clock on the wall was correct.
Severus reached into his pocket and pulled out a small shrunken jar. "Here," he said, holding the jar out for her, "Go bathe, this should help you relax. Then you need to get yourself ready. I will take care of all of this," he said, indicating the pump still sitting on the table.
Hermione twisted the lid of the jar and breathed in. "Jasmine and lavender, not salts," she said, analyzing the contents of the jar. "Are these crystallized oils?" she asked him, intrigued by the contents of the jar, "You do not stock bath oils."
His smirk was nearly a smile. "Correct on all accounts Hermione. Although it also contains a light touch of Honey Suckle and vanilla. I also thought that the oils would be better for your skin right now and they are easier to measure out into the water and will last longer. I thought that you could use a little extra today to relax, so I may have made these this morning," he said, managing to keep the smugness in his voice to a minimum.
Hermione was at a loss. He continued to surprise her. There wasn't anything she could think of saying so she kissed him on the cheek and turned to head for the bath up the stairs.
Hermione filled the deep tub with steaming hot water and dropped in a sprinkling of the crystallized oils. The aroma permeated the air and instantly she felt a wave of comfort wash over her. Hermione unzipped her dress and let the white linen fall to floor beside the tub. She slipped her bra straps off her shoulders and unsnapped the clasp in the back and added her bra to the dress on the floor, she then hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her little boy cut panties and slid them to the floor. As she slipped her first foot into the steamy water she thanked the gods that she knew Severus Snape.
Hermione had known it wasn't going to be simple scented oils but she had not known that anything could feel so good on her skin. All of the tension left her body with every inch she sank into the water. It was like getting a deep tissue massage and being weightless all at the same time. The scents helped to clear her mind of all the stress that had been plaguing her and soon she found herself blissfully unaware of any pains throughout her body.
If I have anything to say about it Severus will make more of this, lots, lots more, she thought as she ran a sponge over her neck and chest, remembering the way Severus mouth had felt as it pressed all along her neck and shoulders slowly burning her from the inside out with a slow smoldering passion that was threatening to become an inferno if they continued on the way they had been. It was another of her fears that she hadn't voiced. Never before had Hermione actually desired a man's touch but when Severus kissed her and rubbed his hands up and down her spine and arms she couldn't think but to know that she wanted more; to feel his mouth roam further and his hands explore. His touch was soft and firm at the same time, but never rough and groping like Ron's had been. He made her feel like her skin was made of nerve endings. It was so exquisite and made her want to see what else he was capable of.
Therein laid the fear. She was afraid of getting carried away with him and not being able to stop until she was in the throes of a flashback. Would he understand when she couldn't give herself fully to him? Would he resent her? She really hoped that the triggered Obliviate would enable her to experience sex the way it should be. She hoped that it would allow her to feel what it was like to be made love to slowly and sensually. Ron had never made her feel like she even wanted try but Severus kissed her and the past faded and all that was left was his mouth on hers and the promises of a future that she desperately wanted.
A light knocking at the door snapped Hermione out of her thoughts. "Hermione. It is getting late and we need to leave soon. I would love to let you soak the day away, but if you get out now, I can promise you more of the oils," he bargained
"Thank you Severus! I will be out soon," she called as she pulled the drain on the tub and stepped out, grabbing her bath robe to wrap around herself.
Hermione walked down the hall to her room and slipped into her black lace panties and matching bra before putting on the black shift dress she had picked up for the funeral. She left her legs bare of stockings knowing the air was warm and muggy and she wanted to be as comfortable as she could. She redid her twist and applied a light blush and some mascara before grabbing her black pumps and heading down the stairs to meet Severus.
As Hermione descended the stairs Severus was blown away at how quickly she got herself ready, unlike the majority of females he had known. He however mostly just felt awestruck at how lovely she looked. It had hardly been ten minutes since he'd had to rouse her from the tub and seeing how quickly she was ready he almost wished he had given her a few more minutes. "You look lovely."
Hermione smiled at him. "Thank you Severus. The oils were…magnificent. I have never felt so relaxed; I was practically boneless. I really would have stayed in there for hours if you hadn't come to get me. You know, I think people would die of shock if they knew how sweet you really are," she teased.
"I am not sweet Hermione," he told her sternly.
She giggled. He seemed so genuinely appalled by the idea. "Oh yes, you Severus Snape are a sweetheart. But I will keep that to myself or I shall find I have more competition for you affection. Besides, I quite like having my own private bath oil supply."
Severus gave her a delicious smirk that made her melt and took a few steps to close the gap between them. Reaching out with his left arm he crushed her to him giving her a short but passionate kiss. "I am not sweet."
"Oh, no, of course not Severus, I do not know what I was thinking," she laughed. She pressed herself up and whispered her thanks against is lips as she kissed him again. Her kiss was soft and sweet and carried all the feelings he inspired in her.
"I need you today. I know you said it wasn't wise, that people would talk, but it is a private service and I need you. Eventually people will learn that you are the reason for my secret smiles. Besides Severus, one of the Aurors on my case asked you to look after me. Please? Let them talk, it can't be any worse than what people will say when they all learn the truth of my marriage," she reasoned.
"Secret smiles?" he asked her.
"Oh yes, the smiles I get when I think of the way your kisses turn me into a puddle of needy flesh in a way that no one ever has before. And the smiles I get when I remember the way your touch on my skin sends shivers down my spine," she told him, kissing him again to prove her point.
Severus broke the kiss and trailed a line of small teasing kisses along her jaw to the shell of her ear. "Oh, those smiles. Yes well, I shall endeavor to create them often, for you are truly beautiful when your face is brightened with your smile." Hermione's blush quickly spread over her face and chest as he worked to kiss away her stress. "And I will gladly play the role of duty bound body guard tonight if that is your wish," he stated, coming back to look her in the eyes.
"How about you be there as my trusted friend?" she offered, "I need you. I can't do this alone."
"So you have mentioned. Now, we really must get going or you will be late. Let's go so that you may be allowed to say goodbye," he said, hating the tears that welled in her eye.
Hermione took his hand. "Please, just hold me for a minute. I'm not ready," she said, pressing her face into his neck. "I'm not ready. I can't do this," she cried.
Severus held her tight and rubbed his hand over her back to soothe her. "You can and I will be right there with you okay. You need to do this. You need to say good bye," he murmured into her hair.
"I know, I'm ready. Thank you Severus," she told him.
Hermione let Severus lead her to the yard by the swing and together they turned on the spot and apparated to the Burrow where everyone would be gathering to say goodbye to Baby Girl Weasley.
A/N: So what do you think, have I finally answered the Verity question to your satisfaction? I do so hope so. If not the next chapter gives us a look into who Verity is and why she is so fixated on Hermione. Hope you are still enjoying the story, and the small tender moments between Severus and Hermione.