"So we'll just head in that direction then and stop in one of the smaller towns close by."

Soda watched Steve's finger trace one of the lines on the map, following a route that would take them to Overland Park, Kansas. "This makes me want to buy shiny red shoes, Stevie."

Steve studied the names of the cities on the map, not looking up, as he replied. "Red shoes? Why?"

"So I can tell you 'we ain't in Kansas anymore,' then tap my heels together and say 'there's no place like home.'"

"You're just too much, man."

"Yeah, I know. I'm a handful."

"You're full of something, all right."

"Yep, I'm full of gold."

"Gold? I wasn't aware you were a treasure chest."

"Of course I am. I'm just full of value."

"You're worth your weight in gold, huh?"

"I am, and so are you."

"I think I like how the self-esteem looks on you, buddy. You better hang on to it."

"I'm tryin'. I sure need it right now."

"Hell, yeah, you do. What with all your reflection and contemplation about stuff, you could use some balance."

"Balance? What do you mean?"

"Just that you've been thinking a lot about things, so it's good and healthy to check in with your perspective on yourself."

"Oh. So like makin' sure I'm in a decent place then?"

"Right. 'Cause, yeah, the situation with Emily and being a birth father gives you plenty to figure out and consider. But you still need a break from it now and then, so you don't lose sight of who you are besides."

"Do you think I've been losin' sight?"

"No, man. Not at all."

"Would you tell me if you did, or would that be somethin' else you'd rather I didn't know?"

"Soda, I-"

"Never mind. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

"It's okay. I get it."

Soda turned his attention back to the map. "So it's all set then, huh?"

"Yeah. Looks like it."

"Sorry I made things awkward between us. I don't like the way that feels."

"Me neither. But it's not your fault. Buddy, I don't want you to feel like I'm keeping some big secret from you. I'm not. I'm just having a feeling I'm only really comfortable telling Laura and my dad."

"What about Samuel? You said you talked to him too."

"But not in detail. I was pretty vague about it with him."

"I'm not used to you being vague with me. We ain't usually like that with each other. I wonder if this is how you felt when I told you there was somethin' I only wanted to talk about with Dr. Morgan."

"Maybe. It is kind of similar."

"Except I just didn't want to tell you at first because I felt angry and- Wait, is that it? Are you mad at me? Did I do anything I shouldn't have?"

"Do I act like I'm mad at you? No, you didn't do anything you shouldn't have. So don't worry, okay? Me and you are doing great."

"You really don't act like you're mad at me. I just can't help thinkin' that has to be it though. 'Cause it's not like us to keep stuff from one another."

"No, it's not. But maybe-"

"Do you think I'd be mad at you? Or hurt? Or scared? It has to be somethin' that's stoppin' you. We share practically everything with each other. I know I said I wouldn't be upset if you didn't want to tell me. But I guess I am. I'm sorry. I can't help it."

"I understand, man. It's a tough spot. But, like I said last night, please trust me. This is my problem, and I don't want to make it yours."

"It's nothin' serious?"

"No. Not even a little bit."

"Promise?"

"Yes. I promise."

"And it helps to talk to Laura and your dad?"

"Yes. It helps a lot."

"Okay then. That makes me feel better too. You didn't really answer my question about what's makin' you not tell me, but that's all right. I'm going to drop the whole subject 'cause it ain't fair if I keep buggin' you about it."

"Thanks, buddy. Now, why don't we go back to you and how you're full of gold? I really don't believe you're losing sight of yourself, by the way. I think you're doing just the opposite, in fact."

"The opposite? I'm gettin' a good view of myself?"

"Something like that. I mean you've got a good grasp of who you are, and you understand a lot about yourself. I can tell just from listening to you talk lately."

"I have insight, like what Dr. Morgan calls it."

"Exactly. I may be wrong, but I believe that's a skill. So if you keep honing it, everything you think and feel will have a way of making sense."

Samuel held the camera up, looking into its lens that was focused on Emily as she sat propped up near a makeshift photo backdrop. "Smile, baby! Show daddy you're having a happy Easter."

Vivian stood right beside Samuel, holding two fingers up behind her husband's head. "See, Emily? Daddy even has bunny ears."

"Yeah, I even have- Huh? What are you doing, Vivian?"

Vivian laughed, seeing Emily smile, as Samuel stepped away from her, his attention no longer on the photo he'd been attempting to take. "You're missing it, honey. She's smiling."

Samuel refocused the camera, snapping a picture of his daughter, whose smile embodied both innocence and purity on a day meant for celebration.

"Of course they're pink, Stevie. I had to make them bright for Easter."

Steve took a pancake from the stack that Soda had just placed on the table, chuckling when he saw the yellow sprinkles that were on top. "Man, these remind me of the day after Fourth of July. Except, this time, it looks like Betty Crocker made a deal with Peeps."

Soda joined Steve at the table as he called out to his brothers. "Hey, Dar, you and Pony better come get some breakfast before me and Steve eat it all!"

"And just a heads up, guys, it's not a normal color! So what do you say we do something after church?"

"Like what?"

"Like something reflective."

"We don't do enough of that already?"

"Naw. Of course not. We can never have enough of that kind of stuff anyway."

"So what exactly do you want to do then?"

"You'll see. Just ride to church with me, and you'll find out right after the service."

"Hey, preacher guy, how'd you manage to end up doing both the Good Friday sermon and the Easter one?"

Samuel met Steve in the middle of the sanctuary just as the congregation was dispersing. "I'll never tell my secret. But I definitely enjoyed having the limelight."

Steve touched the sleeve of Samuel's light blue silk shirt that complemented an off-white tie. "I bet you did. You're looking like a million bucks too between this shirt and slacks and your fancy tie."

"Thanks. I had to fit in with Vivian and Emily since they're all dressed up today. I won't be too specific, but are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. Not bad at all, actually. I think talking to you helped me process some things better than I was before, and maybe I've figured out just what to do with them."

"And what would that be?"

"Something like Easter. Not a resurrection or anything only God can do, but like a new start. A new way of looking at stuff."

"Like redemption then. I think I get what you're saying, even though you're being quite vague again."

"Yeah. Sorry about that. I think I'm almost thinking too deep to be able to explain it all at once." Steve's gaze wandered over to where Soda was cradling Emily in his arms, the moment he was watching becoming part of a routine he knew his best friend found comfort in having. "I have it all straight in my head though, and I'm seeing it as a new beginning."

"Why in the world are we here, Stevie? This is just our old grade school."

Steve drove his Ford into the parking lot of Park Elementary, the first school he and Soda had attended together. "Yeah. It is. That's precisely why we're here, man."

Soda felt the car come to a stop, seeing the fence that surrounded a playground which had hardly changed in the seven years since he'd been a sixth grader. "But what does it have to do with anything now?"

"Just come with me, and you'll see soon enough."

Soda got out of the car as Steve did the same. He followed his friend to the gate, both men entering the playground where they'd spent many recesses as little kids.

Steve went toward the set of monkey bars that was next to a tunnel, its crawl space just big enough for two young children to fit inside. "Remember what we used to play here?"

"Here? I mean, all the kids used to run around everywhere outside. It was sure my favorite part of the school day."

"Yeah, I know that. But do you remember the tunnel? Back in Kindergarten and probably first grade?"

"I remember playing hide-and-seek with you and maybe a couple of other kids. Like what was his name? Oh, yeah, Doug Fletcher."

"Yep. I remember how he liked to hide in these really obvious places. Like on top of the monkey bars or underneath the slide."

"Yeah. He was always hidin' right in plain sight."

"But not us, man. We'd look for the good spots. And the tunnel was sort of the best and sort of the worst 'cause Doug couldn't see us, but he'd look there first. I remember how we'd hide in there together, he'd find us, then I'd run straight to base. Not you though. You'd take him in circles around the whole damn playground just to make him try to catch you."

"I did the same thing to you when you were it. I guess I didn't care about winnin' the game, just havin' fun."

"Yeah, and we'd both chase you till you had to stop for laughing so hard. I feel like most memories from that far back are fuzzy, but this one's not. We always had a blast. As much as two five or six-year-olds can anyway."

Soda noticed how Steve's voice had changed, its tone going from light to nostalgic. "So what's got you thinkin' about this? I know you said you wanted us to do somethin' reflective, and this sure is. But what is it about these memories?"

Steve moved to sit on the ground up against the tunnel, his arm pulling Soda along with him. "I guess they remind me that we were best friends before anything bad happened. We had something already, you know? Our friendship's not based on the painful stuff that came later."

"Of course it ain't. I can see how it could start to feel like that though."

"Yeah. I think I get caught up in all the mire, and it gets hard to remember there was another time. But we were still us. We were still close. I mean, we'd been friends for four years before my mom died, and it was two more years before Clara. Then, five years before your parents died. Things weren't always so tough or complicated. They weren't always so emotional or dark. We used to be five-year-olds who ran around here on this playground without a care in the world. We still had some innocence, even though we sure didn't get to keep it for long. Our biggest moments weren't counseling breakthroughs or flashes of honesty. They were hiding and being found. Running and trying not to get tagged. Just being kids. So I like remembering what we didn't lose when pretty much everything else started changing."

"I get what you mean, Stevie. It is nice to know we held on to what we already had in one another. Not that 'nice' could ever be a good enough word for somethin' like this. I'm not sure what would be. I just know I understand where you're comin' from and why it's important to you. It's important to me too."

"I didn't bring you here just to sit and talk about this, you know. We could've done that somewhere else."

"So what then? Are we going to play a game of hide-and-seek to honor those memories? 'Cause I don't think I can fit inside this tunnel anymore."

"I'd be up for seeing you try, buddy. But, seriously, I wanted us to come here because I think it's symbolic. I know it's not anything as sacred as Easter, but this is a day for remembering and making meaning out of stuff."

"You're right. It is. I like how you're connectin' things there, Stevie. Church and the cross are symbols for Easter, and the playground is kind of like one for me and you. And, sure, it's not sacred for the rest of the world, but it is for us."

"I love hearing you say that, man. So what do you think? Can we start over right here?"

Soda took a moment to answer as his gaze wondered over to the school building itself, then to the merry-go-round and swings that were right across from where he and Steve sat, the atmosphere brewing with sounds and visions of a past which had set every wheel in motion. "I feel like startin' over means you've got somethin' to fix or erase. But we don't. We wouldn't be sittin' here together if we were in a place where we needed to start over."

"Okay. Maybe just I need it then. I need a reset. I need us to go back to our roots. To the beginning when we didn't know anything that was coming. To when we were little kids whose worst pain was a skinned knee, and our worst feeling was being in trouble. I need to go back to before life made us hurt in ways we never could have imagined. Please go there with me, Soda. Please help me hold on to what things were like when it wasn't so hard. Help me not lose touch with where our friendship started."

Soda heard the note desperation in Steve's voice, the plea leading him to take his best friend's hand. "I am, buddy. I'm here with you. I'll admit I ain't totally sure what exactly triggered this right now since there's nothin' wrong between us or anything. But the reason doesn't matter 'cause I'll still do or be whatever you need. Just like always."

Steve opened his mouth to speak, only to change his mind, before leaning his head on Soda's shoulder. "Sorry I'm breaking down. That's not what I meant to do out here. I just wanted to tell you what's going on in my head."

"And you did that too. Maybe it's just heavier than you thought it would be, so you need a little bit more time." Soda paused as he looked over at Steve, whose head remained on his shoulder. He squeezed his friend, one arm holding him close, as his gaze moved up. "More love too, and there sure is plenty of that to go around."

"Yeah. I know there is. I can always feel it." Steve gripped Soda's shirt as he buried his face in its material, the warmth of his friend's shoulder keeping him grounded. "So I can never doubt it's there. Just like I can never doubt how solid we are. We're not little kids anymore, but I feel like there's a reason we met when we did."

"Sure there is, Stevie. I can think of a bunch. We didn't meet just to be playmates or grade school buddies. We might've started out as that 'cause of bein' so young and all, but what we had here at this place ended up bein' our foundation."

"Uh, thanks, Dad. But don't you think I'm a little too old for Easter gifts?"

Nicholas simply held the small wrapped gift out to Steve, prompting his son to take it. "This actually isn't for Easter. But I decided to give it to you today."

Steve took the present, eyeing the shiny paper and the silver bow on top. "Okay. What is it for then?"

"You'll see, Son. Just open it."

Steve tore the wrapping paper, finding a white box inside. He then opened its lid to reveal a boutonniere. "Is this for me to wear at your wedding?"

"Yes. Audrey and I have the colors we want picked out, so I got it for you. I'll have one to match."

Steve touched the pair of burgundy flowers that was framed by pearls and gold ribbon. "I love it. Thank you."

"I know how important it is to you to be my best man, so I wanted to make it official."

Steve put the lid back on the box, then held it close to his chest, the heart beating beneath his shirt filled with more emotion than he knew how to articulate. "You guys just keep doing it, Dad. Even when I don't say much or don't tell you everything, you do something that gives me what I need. I love you so much for it too. I love how you always take care of me, and I can't imagine not having that. I can't imagine going through life and emotions and feelings without having people who always catch me when I'm about to fall."

"About to fall? Has something been happening today, Son?"

"Yeah. It's all right now though. I'm just getting myself all choked up because of you and Soda." Steve felt Nicholas' hand on his shoulder, seeing the man's concerned blue eyes that never failed to let him know he was cherished. "Both of you really showed me a lot of love today, and I can't get over how amazing it feels."

"That sounds like a good place for your mind to be. I take it you and Sodapop are still okay?"

"We are. I needed a little bit of help earlier. Some validation, I guess you could say. He didn't press me on it either. He just was himself and let me tell him all the stuff I needed to. Pretty much like you're doing right now." Steve looked down once more at the box that held the boutonniere, already picturing himself and Nicholas on a day not too far into the future. "I really can't wait to be your best man, Dad. Just the fact that you want me next to you is enough to make me cry for every bad time we've been through together. Only a few years ago, I never would've seen us being close. That feels hard to believe now though."

Nicholas watched Steve's face, mindful that he needed to allow his son to continue talking, even as he could see the tears gathering in his eyes.

"Well, I thought I was all right, but maybe I'm not. I keep doing this. Like I'm reflecting too hard, and it's bringing me down. I just start talking and remembering, and stuff starts hurting. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to fix it either."

"Maybe what you're doing now is how you fix it. I think that's what you would tell me or Sodapop. You'd tell us we need to talk."

"But it's making me cry, Dad, and I don't- I just don't want to cry about anything anymore. I've cried over it all before."

"Over what, Son? Can you tell me what's hurting?"

"Just... different memories. Of me and you. Of me and Soda. It's like a bunch of feelings are there too, and they seem so fresh that I can't get past them without pain coming back up again. I feel like I'm going backwards. My head is making it feel like every bit of the work I've done to get this far is coming apart."

"But it can't. I promise. No matter what's bothering you, nothing can make that happen."

"I know that. I really do. I just needed to say it. I needed you to hear it. Because I need comfort- I need-"

"Steve, it's okay to cry. You don't have to keep holding it back."

Steve closed his eyes tightly, the tears fighting for release, as his own strength ebbed away. "I know that too. I've said it myself. But I just don't want to give in, you know? It feels like if I cry, I'm letting it win."

Nicholas drew Steve into his arms, wrapping him in a hug. "But you aren't. You're just giving yourself what you need. If pain is coming up, this is the way you get past it. This is the way you get back to feeling okay. I think you're just very overwhelmed, and that's affecting how you handle things right now. I'm so sorry about it too, Son. I'm sorry for all the memories that bother you, even though you've done everything there is to deal with them."

Steve rested against Nicholas' chest as he felt a tear slide down his cheek, his spirit absorbing the comfort it had been longing for. "I don't want you to be sorry. Just please love me, Dad. Please don't let me go for a long time. I need you to keep holding me for a while."

"I will. I'm not letting you go. I'm here for you, and I love you."

Steve willed himself to be silent, feeling Nicholas rock him back and forth, as he basked in the embrace that was both a source of healing touch and a vessel of salvation.