"You better get moving there, little buddy. You're about to be late for work."

Soda sipped the last of his orange juice, eyes staring out the front window as Darry was filling a thermos with water, the older brother about to leave for the day ahead. "Yeah, I know, Dar. I'll take off in a second."

Darry gathered everything he'd need for work, tool belt also around his waist as he opened the front door. He started to go out, but then paused as he noticed that Soda remained in his chair at the table, the middle brother still within the thoughts that occupied him. "I'll see you later, all right? We can talk if you want. Or just spend a little bit of time together."

Soda didn't answer right away as he touched the buttons on his DX shirt, a jolt of pain moving through his fingers. "Okay. I'm meetin' Penny once I get off work, but I'll see you after that."

"Sounds like a plan then."

Soda got to his feet as Darry once again started to leave, the younger man following him onto the porch. "Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"I, um, I'm so thankful for you. Please always know that."

"I do. I'm thankful for you too."

"And, uh, I love you a lot. Please be careful today."

"I will. I love you too. We can talk about anything that's on your mind tonight. But I've really gotta go now. You be safe today, and I'll see you when I get home."

"No way, man! I wouldn't be caught dead driving around in an orange car. Especially not one that bright."

Soda laughed as he got up on the hood of the Ford beside Steve, a milkshake in each of their hands. "Aw, why not, Stevie? I think it would suit you real well."

Steve laughed along with Soda, taking a long sip of his milkshake before speaking again. "Maybe you ought to have a pink car with black polka-dots. Then, you can cruise down the road in style."

"Damn, that'd be a hell of a paint job for a car. I'd have to dress to match it."

Steve nearly choked on his milkshake as an image flashed through his mind. "Shoot, buddy. I'm thinking of you in a pink shirt with black polka-dots now. Talk about a fashion statement."

"That's a statement all right. I ain't sure exactly what kind." Soda looked out across the parking lot, waving as he saw Pony approaching the DX station. "Hey, Pone! You stoppin' by to visit me?"

Pony made his way over to where Steve's car was parked, leaning up against it as he gave his brother a grin. "Nah. I came to see Steve. You know, since we're such great friends now."

Steve's expression was one of amusement as he raised an eyebrow. "I can't tell how sarcastic you're being right now, Kid. I love it."

Soda slid down off the hood of the car, putting his arm around Pony's shoulders. "Yeah, Stevie, he can be sarcastic when he wants to be. I know you're familiar with that though. It's kind of ya'll's spirit, like transparency is ours."

"Oh, so me and the kid get a spirit now too, huh?"

"Of course. You've gotta have one 'cause you are pretty good friends thanks to me."

"Yep, the sun rises and sets anywhere you stand, right, buddy? We'd still just be driving each other crazy without you."

"You sure would." Soda kept his arm around Pony's shoulders as he moved to also put an arm around Steve. "I'm glad ya'll are both here 'cause I've got somethin' I want to say."

Pony shared a look with Steve as they both waited for Soda to continue, each uncertain how the tone of the conversation had changed so quickly.

Soda released both his brother and best friend, hands dropping into his lap as he looked down. "Ya'll mean so damn much to me, and I just want you to know how grateful I am that you're in my life. I love ya'll more than anything."

Steve felt his mind go back to a night from the year prior, Soda's demeanor making a shiver run down his spine. "I think we know that already, man. We love you too. Maybe I can't speak for Pony on much, but I know I can for this. Right, Kid?"

Pony saw the look Steve was sending his way, the younger teen following the older man's lead. "Yeah. Of course. The one thing Steve and I have always been able to agree on is caring about you. We know the feelings are mutual too."

Soda went back to drinking the milkshake he'd left on the hood of the Ford, not seeing the concerned glances being sent in his direction. "Thanks, ya'll. I guess I just needed that. I don't know where stuff comes from sometimes."

Steve made a mental note to check in with Soda later, even as he empathized with the feeling his best friend had described. "I know what you mean, buddy. It was like that for me this past weekend. I didn't know where stuff was coming from, and I was just doing my best to navigate it. You can do the same thing too. You just have to take things as they come till you feel like you've got a better place to be. I know you know this already, but you can always say anything you need to say, no matter what it is. Whether it's something like what you just told us or something a lot tougher. I think I can speak for Pony on this one too. Unless, of course, he's getting tired of me speaking for him today."

Pony grinned back as he saw Steve shoot him a smile. "Well, as long as you're saying things like that, I suppose it's all right if you speak for me."

Soda smiled as well, feeling his heart swell with even more gratitude than he'd previously been trying to express. "Aw, listen to us, ya'll. It's like we're all three sharin' a heart-to-heart. I wish Darry could see it."

Steve put his arm around Soda's shoulders, giving him a faint squeeze whose meaning he hoped his friend would recognize. "You'll just have to tell him about it then, buddy. I bet Superman will be proud."

"How often did he say to give her the medicine? Twice a day?"

Vivian nodded as Samuel measured a dose of antibiotic before handing it to her. "Yes. So about every twelve hours then. I hope she really does feel better in a few days."

Samuel touched Emily's head, seeing the redness in her right ear as Vivian put the medicine to the baby's lips. "I'm sure she will. Something tells me she's already on the mend."

"Hey, man, maybe this isn't the best time to bring it up, but I don't really want to wait."

Soda was on the creeper underneath a Thunderbird, his hands busy as he replied to Steve. "Wait for what?"

Steve propped the door to the garage open so that he could keep an eye on the front counter inside the station. "I don't want to wait to ask you about what you were saying outside earlier. But, honestly, it was more your tone that got to me than it was the words."

"So what do you need to ask me then?"

Steve moved closer to the creeper and kneeled down next to it. "Soda, the way your voice sounded reminded me of how you were the second night I stayed over after you got shot."

"Which night was that?"

"The one when you opened up to me about how bad you were feeling with the suicidal thoughts."

"Oh." Soda slid out from under the car, the wheels on the creeper squeaking as he met Steve's eyes. "It ain't like that night. I promise. I'm just in the mood to let ya'll know how much you mean to me. I said the same stuff to Darry this mornin'. I think it might be 'cause of that bad feelin' I got yesterday, you know? Like maybe I felt like somethin' could be about to happen, so I wanted to tell ya'll just in case."

"You thought you were having a premonition?"

"Yeah. I guess you could say that. It's kind of gone away now though, whatever it was."

"That makes sense then, man. I mean about why you'd want to say the things you did. Sorry I jump to conclusions about stuff like this. I think that's just sort of ingrained in me after everything."

"Well, I'm the same way, Stevie. So it ain't like I can blame you for gettin' worried. But I'm pretty good with my life right now, and I'm not lookin' to cut it short."

"God, why do I feel so helpless? She'll be fine. Kids get sick all the time. It's part of childhood."

Samuel paced back and forth on the front porch as he prayed, his mind on Emily and the ear infection she had developed. "I said it myself. She's on the mend, so that should mean there's nothing I need to worry about."

He stopped and looked up, the sight of a cardinal catching his gaze as it perched on a tree branch. God takes care of the birds, the preacher thought. And they never worry at all. I don't need to either.

Samuel's musings drifted to Matthew, his own theology seemingly contradictory as he remembered the way his little boy had died. So how can I ever be assured? he wondered. How can I ever be certain something bad won't happen to Emily too?

"How do I just trust you, God? You'd think I would know the answer to that by now. But I don't. I just know I'm human, and questions are part of grief." Samuel's eyes moved to a clear part of the sky as he pictured Matthew's face, envisioning his son running along the streets of gold. I wonder if it would still be the same, he thought. I wonder if we still would've adopted Emily if Matthew were alive.

Samuel then got down on his knees, palms pressing together as he intertwined his fingers. "Please heal Emily, God. I don't have the answers to anything about what might have been for our family. I just know the blessing we had in our son and the one we have now. So, as much as I realize her illness is nothing serious or unusual, I'm still asking you to please take care of my daughter."

"I love you too, Sodapop. Maybe things aren't the way I pictured them being, but I'm also very grateful for you."

Soda felt his hand tense beneath Penny's as the couple sat up underneath a tree in the Jacobs' backyard. "Oh. Um, I hope you're not disappointed. I mean, sure stuff is different for us, but I've even gotten where I can be happy about it. It's kind of nice too. Like realizin' that somethin' painful can still be good once it's all settled."

Penny leaned over and kissed Soda on the lips, the brief moment a reminder of just how much she adored the man beside her. "I'm not disappointed. Maybe just not as certain as you seem to be. I keep imagining my life before Emily was born and before I got pregnant, and it feels like that's the only way I can see it now. Like the fact that I had a child is the defining part of my life. I'm not sure who I am besides. Maybe I won't know until I get to college."

"If you could go back in time and change it all, would you? Would you find a way to make sure the condom worked or stop us from sleepin' together in the first place? I know how you felt about that day before Emily was born, but is it different now that she's here?"

Penny looked into Soda's eyes, seeing the earnestness with which he waited for answers. "No. I wouldn't change anything, even if I could. Since I know Emily is safe and cared for, I wouldn't want to change that. It would mean I regret giving her life, and I don't. I guess my only regret is the timing because I picture being her mother, the one raising her. But I couldn't do that now. Especially not once I knew there was someone who could do better for her than we'd be able to. I love her, Sodapop. I love her with every bit of my heart. Maybe I haven't laid eyes on her since we were both in the hospital, but I do."

"I know you do, Penny. You ain't gotta convince me or anything."

"Is it bad of me that I haven't gone to see her since she went home?"

"No. Of course not." Soda paused as he noticed the tears in Penny's eyes, the sight making him put himself in her shoes as he imagined how he might feel if he decided to stop visiting their birth daughter. "Please don't feel guilty, sweetheart. It ain't bad of you at all, and it's also not good of me to go see her. It's just how things are, and there ain't a right or wrong anywhere in it."

"I guess I know that. Well, logically, I know it. Emotionally, it's just now as simple."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I've had lots of feelings that didn't line up with logic. Even lately, I've had them. I think that's what happens with stuff like this, you know? 'Cause even though nothin' awful happened to you, it's still traumatic."

"I go back and forth between wholeheartedly believing I made the best decision and feeling like I must be a terrible mother to be able to let someone else have my baby. The logical part of me knows that I did something unselfish and wonderful for Emily. But the emotional part feels like I'm horrible or even evil for not keeping my daughter, no matter what I couldn't do or give her. I've wondered if she'll get older and feel abandoned or know that something is missing."

"But there's nothin' missing. She still has both me and you. She sure hasn't been abandoned either." Soda put his hands on each of Penny's cheeks as he stared into the eyes of the woman with whom he shared a child, their bond eternally whole, no matter how fate would choose to turn. "And you are anything but evil, sweetheart. You're kind and good and amazing. Every part of you is gorgeous, and I'm so grateful that I get to call you mine."

"Dad, you don't have to keep watching me like that. I know I've had some things going on lately, but I think I'm just about recovered from it now."

Nicholas gathered up the letter tiles he'd drawn as Steve did the same with his own, their after dinner game of Scrabble just beginning. "You do seem to be, but I guess it's hard for me not to get overly concerned, especially when I've seen you hurting more than once recently."

Steve arranged his letter tiles on the rack as his eyes studied each one, alert for possible word combinations. "I said something a lot like that to Soda this afternoon. I know it's really hard to keep from worrying after the things that have happened. It's tough for me too. Soda was saying some stuff at lunch today, and the first thought I had was that he could be feeling like hurting himself. But it wasn't that. He was just wanting to let us know how much we mean to him. Which makes sense. I know I've been where I wanted to tell you guys I love you. Sometimes, there's just something about doing that and making sure the words are out there."

Nicholas awaited his turn, seeing Steve put four letter tiles on the board to spell out the word 'glad.' "Hey, I like that, Son. We're playing Scrabble, and you're talking about words."

"Aw, man, that's so cheesy. I didn't even notice it. But I do have a way of saying things that work at just the right time."

Nicholas started his turn, adding two letter tiles to the board to spell out the word 'sad.' "So did you tell Soda that-"

"Really, Dad? I guess I'm not the only one who has a cheesy way with words."

"Huh?"

"Not only does 'sad' rhyme with 'glad,' they're both emotion words. Nice touch for the conversation we're having too."

"Oh. I guess I didn't notice that either. It does fit."

"Yeah. Of course. So what were you going to ask me about Soda?"

"I just wondered if you told him that you were worried he felt like hurting himself."

"I did. Well, not directly. But I told him that how he sounded reminded me of another time. One particular night. One night when I was scared to death myself." Steve shook himself from the memory as he attempted to shift his focus back to the game at hand. "But that's done. It's over with. Besides, Soda didn't even say the same stuff today that he did then. It was just his voice that got to me. It was how he said it. That was more than a year ago now though. But who knows? Maybe that's why it got to me. 'Cause I know how much worse he ended up getting not too long after."

"Which night are we talking about here, Son?"

"Both of you have asked that. How could no one know what I'm talking about? I cried in your arms in the Curtis' driveway, Dad. I called you to bring me some stuff so I wouldn't have to leave Soda at all. Don't you remember that?"

"I do. I remember it very well. I just wasn't sure which night you meant since you boys have spent a lot of them together, and more than one has been tough."

"You're right. I'm sorry. It feels so real to me when I remember it that I don't realize you're not in my head. You can't see it and feel it and hear it. You weren't in Soda's room with him then. You didn't hear the things he said to me."

Nicholas looked down at the Scrabble board, seeing the six letter tiles they'd used so far, the game barely even started. "Steve, we can put our game on hold if you just need to talk instead. I know you said you're recovered from things, but that doesn't mean you can't take a little time to sort them out. Once you do, I'll still have all evening to beat your butt at Scrabble."

Steve smiled, even though a large part of him didn't feel like it, his dad's attempt to add some humor successful. "Oh, yeah, you're got all night to keep trying anyway, since I'm planning to beat your butt first, old man."

"Is that so?"

"Yep. And you know what? I think I already do have everything sorted out. It helped a lot just to say what I did, even without digging deep into it. Let's get back to the game and see which one of us ends up on top."

"I had never told anyone before, Dar. I guess I've just felt like I shouldn't. At least not unless Steve wanted me to or somethin.' I haven't even told Penny, and she knows about lots of stuff. This seems different though, and I sort of feel like maybe I did a bad thing."

Darry took two beers out of the refrigerator, handing one to Soda before leading his middle brother out to the front porch. "You did not do a bad thing, little buddy. She's your doctor, and you get to decide what you talk about in counseling. Everything you say to Dr. Morgan stays in that room, and I'm sure Steve also would tell you that you can discuss anything you need to with her, even if it involves him."

Soda opened his beer and took a swig of it as he sat down on the swing, his head leaning on the chain. "Yeah. I know he'd want me to do whatever helps. But maybe this is somethin' I should've asked him about first. I wasn't plannin' to tell her though. It just happened 'cause of how the conversation went and what I was thinkin' about. Dr. Morgan asked me what happened to him since I just kind of kept comin' back to it."

Darry sat down next to Soda, his beer in one hand as he used the other to touch his brother's head. "You want to know what I honestly think? No holding back at all?"

"Yeah. I do."

"What happened to Steve is his story. He can share it or not share it with anybody he wants. But part of the picture from then belongs to you too, Pepsi Cola. I don't think he would argue with me about that either. This was never just something he told you. You knew his abuser. You even have reason to think you were her next target. You have very specific memories and feelings, and that means you have the right to talk about them in therapy. That's part of the point, and I'm sure Steve would tell you the same thing. He wouldn't just give you his permission to tell Dr. Morgan whatever's necessary, he'd want you to do it for your sake because what happened isn't only about him. Your childhood is colored by it too, and it's affected both of your lives in every possible way these last couple years. The abuse was Steve's secret, but the fallout is something he's shared with all of us, especially you."

Soda set his beer down near the swing, then put his arms around Darry. "I'm sorry if I scared you at all this mornin', Dar. I sure didn't mean to if I did."

Darry returned the embrace, not missing the chance to hold his brother. "You didn't scare me. I think I've gotten used to there being times when you need to say how you feel. And times when you need to hear the same. I know me and you haven't always been the kind who say we love each other often. But we seem to be now, and I'm definitely okay with that."

Soda released Darry, picking his beer up off the ground as he did. "Yeah. I am too. I don't know. Maybe it just makes me feel more certain and secure."

"I'll drink to that." Darry held his beer up as he met Soda's gaze. "To brothers?"

Soda clinked his beer against Darry's, their eyes still connected. "To brothers. Especially the one who's had my back since the day I was born and always will. The one who steps up when times get tough and goes where I need him. To Darry. My fiercest protector."