e, but we all know this don't we…

A/N: I want to thank everyone who has been sticking with this story. I cannot believe the response I received for the last chapter. The reviews were amazing, I cant tell you what it means to hear how much you are all enjoying this with me. This story is now on over 100 favorites lists and to me that number is awe inspiring. I would like to say to Moewe, who I had no way to reply to, your review was lovely, and appreciated and I cannot thank you enough. To Mababy, who has apparently become a sounding board of sorts, thank you again for the advice and support, your messages are always a bright spot in my day.

Thank you all. I do hope you continue to enjoy. I will repost this when I get it back, but the content will remain the same, just a few out of place commas and the like you know – then again my beta is amazing and tends to surprise me so it may be much improved!

Enough of me – read.

*fresh new lily*

Hermione had been tossing and turning for hours, fighting for a bit of sleep but her brain wouldn't turn off. Thoughts had been thundering around in her brain all night. What if Minerva was right? Not about Severus of course, she knew. He was more than capable of being a caring man, and she certainly didn't question his ability to be passionate. What she wasn't sure of was if she would ever really be able to reciprocate. Even if her marriage had been a sham she was still damaged goods. She was emotionally and physically ruined. She knew that the Obliviate would help with some of the emotional issues she was battling, and Severus had explained the process in more detail that night, so she was now feeling more secure that it was the right thing to do, even though the thought of what she would have to let him see terrified her, but even still the scars and memories of all she had faced would remain. She had a hard time not believing Minerva was on to something when she told Severus that Hermione shouldn't be in a relationship, even if she was a little off as to her reasons why. Severus had tried that night to alleviate her worry that Minerva was even remotely right about Hermione. Turning now to the man lying beside her in bed, softly snoring, who had already done so much for her, she knew however that Minerva was horrendously wrong about one thing, Severus Snape was more deserving of love, and more capable of returning it, than anyone gave him credit for. Love, it was that word, still bouncing around in her head like a riddle she couldn't solve. Was this love? Could it even be that deep when so little time had passed for them to explore their feelings for one another? She asked herself again. As she thought back to their night together she thought for sure she had the answer.

Hermione was so engrossed in her copy of Moste Potente Potions, stretched out on the rug in front of the hearth, her legs bent at the knee and her feet kicking back and forth lightly as she read a particularly interesting passage about various uses for Monkshood, that she didn't register anyone creeping up behind her. Suddenly familiar agile fingers brushed over her bare calves drawing them down to the floor. Her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes stopped registering words on the page as a brief wave of panic took her over. Severus could feel her tense and immediately knew his mistake. He quickly removed his hands and spoke as calmly as he could. He was working to keep his voice soft and steady "It's me darling. Sorry to sneak up on you. You just looked so peaceful down here I didn't want to disturb you."

Hermione didn't respond other than to nod and take a deep breath. Her body visibly relaxed and Severus once again ran his fingers over the toned lines of her sun kissed calves which were showing the barest hint of a golden sheen on her creamy skin from hours spent in the garden. Severus moved his hands higher along her legs, exuding slightly more pressure the higher he went sending fantastic little sparks through Hermione's body. His hands moved higher and ghosted over the curve of her round little bum before continuing up her back with more pressure and finally coming to rest on her shoulders at the same time that Hermione registered a little weight settling over her thighs as Severus moved to straddle her legs, putting most of his weight on his own knees.

Severus worked to remove the tension from Hermione's shoulders and back with sure hands and soft kisses peppering her skin at odd intervals, never failing to send tingles shooting straight down between her thighs. The man was perfection and she couldn't understand at times what he was doing there with her. Hermione couldn't help but to close her eyes and let her head drop to rest on her arms, her book forgotten off to the side.

Severus' smooth voice brought her head back up just a little. "So, do you want to tell me why you were so engrossed in that particular tome?" he asked her, a hint of delectation evident in the inflection in his voice.

Hermione smiled and craned her neck to look at him, surprised when he managed to capture her lips with his before she managed to get a peep out. His sweet kiss took her breath away, though both of them were straining slightly to reach. When he pulled back and sat quietly returning to the task of massaging her shoulders Hermione finally found breath to talk. "Well, you see…I happen to be very close with the most brilliant Potions Master, and he is in need of an apprentice. I suppose it is a little premature of me, seeing as I have as of yet to sit my NEWTS but he assures me that I have nothing to fear, and he would take me on even without a silly documentation of test scores. I would most hate to disappoint him if I wasn't up to the task," she told him, enjoying the way his hands squeezed a little harder as soon as he realized her implications.

Severus bent back in so close to Hermione that she could feel his breath ghosting across her neck before the warm wet tip of his tongue traced the shell of her ear. "Is that so my darling? You want to apprentice a Master? I hear tales that Potions Masters are notoriously nasty and demanding. There is no telling what sorts of horrible tasks he would ask you to tackle. He may even be an old lecherous creep that would pinch that sweet delectable little arse of yours as you walked past to collect ingredients for him," his voice was practically a purr in her ear.

Hermione let out a light moan as his movements and words caused her pulse to quicken and her desire to grow. "Mmmm….you know that might not be too terrible. After all, the knowledge I would gain is certainly worth being groped by a domineering older man. I do like older men after all. And I heard that he is particularly well built and quite attractive, perhaps this internship will teach me more than just the art of Potions making," she told him as seductively as she could, trying not to giggle.

Severus reached back and pinched her pert little arse, just as he had suggested he would. "Little minx," he growled. "Come on, I am far too old a man to lie around on the floor this much. Merlin woman, how you have managed to lure me so easily onto the ground twice in one day is beyond my level of comprehension. However, as delightful this positioning may be, I would not be averse to adjourning to more comfortable accommodations. A cup of tea would do us both I believe. Come on." Severus rocked back on his heels, his knees cracking loudly in protest as he hauled himself up from his position swiftly and with as much grace as he could muster. He then held a hand out for Hermione who smiled at him as she let him pull her up and into his arms.

His kisses, like his mood, were surprisingly playful. He peppered her neck, jawline, and right back behind her ears where he knew she drove her wild, with small nipping kisses. Hermione wasn't sure if this side of Severus was always there, or if she had somehow created it, but either way she reveled in the knowledge and power that she was likely the only one to see it. Hermione was rather flushed when Severus pulled away and smirked at her. "Tea?" he asked her, not waiting for a response as he left towards the kitchen to brew some decaf tea for the both of them.

Hermione settled herself onto the sofa with her legs curled up rather comfortably , leaving enough room for Severus to squeeze between her and the arm rest so that she would be able to snuggle against him. It wasn't even a truly conscious decision; it was simply one of those things that seemed to have quickly become a part of their little domestic routine. There was something poetic about the way that all she had been through seemed to have fast-tracked her relationship with Severus. Ronald had effectively taken everything from her over the course of three years, and yet his final, brutal, life altering act had in fact given her what suddenly seemed like everything. Or like it had the potential to be everything. It was comfortable, and passionate, and real.

Severus returned a few minutes later and Hermione maneuvered a bit to allow him room to comfortably sit down beside her. Once they were both comfortably settled and sipping their tea Severus decided to seriously breach the topic of her possible internship, and be honest with her about the rest of Minerva's visit with him.

"Hermione?"

Sipping at her tea Hermione managed to hum in response. "Hmmm."

Severus draped his arm around her and ran his fingers gingerly up and down the soft curves of her side and hip. "I wanted to talk with you about your plans, long term that is. I know we have discussed, all too briefly and lightly, the possibility of you coming to work with me, and apprentice to be a Potions Mistress. It would certainly be my absolute pleasure to take you on and teach you what I can, but it would not be fair of me to let you believe that it is your only option, as Minerva so politely pointed out to me today," he told her, his voice inflected with a hint of irritation and fear. He did truly want Hermione to apprentice him, but after speaking with Minerva he feared that she would prefer her other options.

Hermione sat up a bit straighter and set her tea cup down. She looked at Severus and could see the turmoil brewing within him. It certainly made her wonder what else Minerva had said to him. "Well, it's all rather moot at this point isn't it? I don't even take my NEWTS for some time now, and there is no guarantee that I will do well enough to impress the Educational Board of the Potions Masters Guild enough that they would grant the internship. I have heard that they can be ruthless, and I already knew that I will have to provide a Thesis paper on innovations that I see possible in the field. I know that in the end it is going to be very difficult to get accepted, regardless of your faith in me. I am simply too far out of practice. That isn't to say that I don't plan to study and put every ounce I can into it. I am determined to do what is in my power to take my life back. What did Minerva say that she has managed to get you so flustered Severus?" she asked him. She could see the flash of relief that had touched the corners of his dark sultry eyes. She wasn't sure what it was that could have caused the worry lines in the first place. She thought she had made it clear over lunch that she wasn't exactly thrilled with Minerva's personal opinion at this point; even if she respected her opinion's as an educator.

Severus pulled her back against him, taking comfort in her words and the spicy citrus scent of her hair as the bushy mass settled near his shoulder. "Well, first off, you know that I have every faith in your ability to excel on your exams. I was thinking that if you wanted to, you could always study in the lab at the apothecary. That way I would be on hand to help you with anything, and you would be immersed in potions again, not just reading about them. If you are interested that is. Although, I at the very least owe it to you to let you know what all Minerva said today." He could feel her holding her breath, trying to keep herself from talking while he was trying to explain something that was obviously bothering him. She fidgeted and squirmed in her seat. Severus could easily picture her biting at her lip. Severus took a deep breath and steeled himself for what he had to tell her. He ran his fingers through her hair, taking comfort in the simple gesture. "Well, firstly she accused me of using my debauchery and your recent trauma to ensnare you into a willingly subservient position; that I am apparently exploiting to further my business."

Hermione wasn't sure whether to be enraged or laugh at the ridiculousness of the accusation. In the end she couldn't hold back the fit of giggles that overcame her. "Subservient…debaucherous…Merlin, she is mad," she managed to say between spouts of laughter.

Severus smirked at her, happy that she was thus far taking it well. "Yes well, I am not certain that most people are not of the same opinion Hermione. All the rest of the wizarding world will see is a woman who was apparently married already welcoming another man into her bed, which begs the question of how long the relationship existed before the dissolution of the marriage. It is an unfortunately reasonable assumption, however wrong it may be. Minerva may come around in time, as for the rest of them; I do not truly care what anyone thinks of me. I simply worry about you. However that was not the point I was trying to get to about Minerva, not truly. She pointed out that there were other options you may be interested in," he told her, and Hermione could tell that he was having trouble thinking of the other possibilities for her. As powerful a wizard as Severus was, he was still insecure as a man, especially when it came to Hermione. He wondered if the other option would be more appealing to her. And if she changed her mind about her future, why not change her mind about him as well.

Hermione couldn't help her curiosity, even in the face of Severus' obvious discomfort. "Other options?" she asked timidly, not wanting to sound excited or enthused at the possibilities. But she hadn't thought she had any options until Severus came along and rescued her from Ron, and the helplessness she felt ensnared by.

Severus tried not to be disheartened by her curiosity. It was after all Hermione Granger, and she was nothing if not inquisitive. It would not be like her to not weigh all of her options and make an informed decision. He hadn't called her know-it-all for nothing. She deserved to know her options. "It seems that Minerva has finally realized she has stretched herself too thin trying to handle both her post as the Transfiguration Professor and her Headmistress duties. Thankfully Longbottom has proven himself quite capable of the Gryffindor Head of House position; however what she truly needs is to have someone take over for her Transfiguration classes. She apparently has had you in mind for a very long time, and was devastated when you missed your NEWTS. She has yet to find anyone else with your promise. She was hoping that you would decide to apprentice her," Severus informed her, working hard to stay calm and not let his fear that she would decide that Minerva was offering her something better show in his voice.

Hermione couldn't help herself. It was an amazing offer, and before she could really consider how Severus would take her reaction to the news. She immediately shot up off the couch and whirled to face Severus. "Really? I mean, she thinks I would be good enough? Wow, I mean, she could teach me to be an Animagus, I always wanted to learn, and really she is the very best in her field. It is such an amazing opportunity for anyone to learn under someone as talented and celebrated in her field as she is. Wow, I don't know what to say," she exclaimed excitedly, completely missing the dejected look on Severus' face.

Severus had heard enough. He got up from the couch and turned away from Hermione while he worked to regain his composure and hide the evidence of his hurt. "Well, congratulations Hermione. You deserve it. It will be a wonderful opportunity for you I am sure. I am certain you will do well," he said stiffly as worked to avoid her gaze.

Hermione was completely confused. Severus was obviously upset and she wasn't entirely sure why, she was just excited that Minerva thought she was smart and capable enough to apprentice her, it wasn't like she actually wanted to do it. Well, she had said that she wanted to become an Animagus, but surely Severus didn't take that to mean that she was going to pass up on being his apprentice? Of course he did. She was practically jumping up and down with excitement. Hermione moved quickly to stand behind Severus, who had again turned his back to her, and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning her cheek against the hard planes of his shoulder blades. "Severus, surely you don't really think I would rather go apprentice with her than with you?" she asked him, earning her a highly undignified snort from Severus. "Okay, so perhaps I got a little carried away in my enthusiasm. But it was just pride that she thought I would even be good enough. I don't want to be a Transfiguration Mistress, and honestly I really don't want to teach. I can admit that the thought of learning to be an Animagus is certainly appealing, but that's about the end of it. I swear Severus. I never meant for you to take my reaction that way. Please don't be upset. Besides, I doubt that Minerva would be willing to pinch my arse, and I was really looking forward to that particular aspect of my apprenticeship," she joked, hoping to bring Severus out of his momentary state of upset.

Severus was quiet for a moment before he quietly spoke. "Perhaps darling that the real reason she is so against this relationship is because she herself has designs on you."

"Severus, that's horrible. And well…just…horrible. You are terrible Severus Snape. You do know that, don't you?" she laughed, happy to feel the tension draining from his body. "Come sit with me."

Severus and Hermione seated themselves back on the sofa, Hermione quickly working to snuggle herself into Severus' embrace. His arm moved to wrap around her securely and she knew that her hysterics were forgiven. As Hermione felt the light touch of Severus' fingers caressing the length of her arm, ever so slowly, she sighed contentedly.

Hermione was blissfully comfortable in Severus' arms. Her eyes shut of their own accord and she just relaxed into his embrace, happy to enjoy the feel of lying on the sofa with him. After a few minutes of comfortable silence Severus silky voice broke through. "So you really want to take on the apprenticeship? With me that is. In potions."

Hermione giggled a little at the hesitation and the insecurity in his voice. He really was cute, to her at least. "Yes. That is what I have been trying to tell you, you git. I want to research and brew. And for some ridiculous reason I really, really want to spend my days with you. Not that you are the primary reason for taking the apprenticeship. Well, I mean, you are. Or rather Master Snape is, not Severus, though you, Severus-you, are an added benefit to the whole apprenticeship package. I don't make a whit of sense do I?" Hermione groaned and hunched over burying her face in her arms.

Severus rubbed circles into her back as he laughed. "You make perfect sense Hermione. Or rather, neither of us does. I understand what you are trying to say though, and I appreciate the sentiment. I should apologize. I should have realized that your enthusiasm goes far beyond incessant hand waving."

"Hey…" she pouted.

Severus placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her face to his so he could capture her pouting lip between his. Their kiss was passionate for all that it was tender. It served as a balm on Hermione's frayed emotions.

"Thank you Severus," she whispered against his lips as she pulled back from the kiss and settled herself back into his side.

Severus kissed the top of her head as she wiggled down into the cushion to get more comfortable, ignoring the things her wiggling bottom was doing to his body. "For what?"

"Well, it's silly, I know. It's just, that, well…You see Ronald; he never would have given me the chance to explain my excitement. He would like have blown it all out of proportion and well…I know that this is all still really new, even if it feels so comfortable at times. And I know that we are bound to have our disagreements," Severus snorted at that, earning him a glare from Hermione, "but, but I also know that I don't have to be afraid of them. Anymore, that is."

Severus pulled her head back to rest on his shoulder and buried his hand in her hair, tangling it in her mass of curls. "You never need to be afraid with me. I may be temperamental and un-agreeable at times, but I will never hurt you Hermione. You and I, we have a nearly insurmountable task ahead of us. I have never been one to involve myself in relationships Hermione. I am not particularly adept at expressing emotions, though you seem to manage to drag it out of me in ways no one, save one, ever managed. I must say it is infinitely more pleasurable when my affections are returned so deliciously," he brushed a kiss to her temple causing her to blush ferociously. He knew that things were difficult for her, and that her emotions were causing her more trouble than she wanted to really admit to. He hated to think about the things that she had been through that led her to a place where she might be fearful to get excited over a little praise from an educator. Even if he had assumed the worst at the time, he never would have hurt her, not even emotionally, if he could help it. He had wasted too much of his life without…well, whatever this was. Love maybe. But he knew that he wasn't about to drive her away simply because they sometimes disagreed or he had his ego bruised. He wasn't going to lose her. "We'll get through all of this together. It will be easier, I imagine, dealing with some things when we have started to work on the Triggered Obliviate. And hopefully soon your unstable hormones will even out from the pregnancy and that I believe will also be of great help to you. In the meantime, I will strive to understand that your normally overactive emotions are supercharged and not take things too personally," he told her, trying to joke with her a little to cover up all of the serious things he had said.

Hermione was sniffling slightly. She could see the worry in Severus gaze as he lowered his deep purple eyes to meet hers. She shook her head, trying to let him know that it was nothing to worry about. "You are too good for me Severus. It's so easy to forget that realistically this is new. I want to just forget that there was Ronald before this sometimes. I wish I could just believe that you and I have always been here, lying together happily. I…I want to do the Triggered Obliviate. I don't want to remember anymore," she told him resolutely.

Severus sighed and shook his head. "I'm such a dunderhead," he mumbled to himself. "Hermione I'm sorry. I should have explained better. I thought that you knew I can't simply take those memories away. You need to remember. You need to know that you were married, erm...well, supposed to have been married. You can't erase Weasley without erasing your daughter. Not to mention the fact that you would forget that he was a threat to you now, and if you ran in to him, and trusted him again. I don't want to think of it Hermione. There is too much at stake, and too much time to erase. I wish I could, it just... it wouldn't leave you whole if I took that much out." His voice sounded defeated as he tried to explain to her what he should have from the beginning. Hermione looked almost betrayed.

"But…but you said that you would make it all go away…I…I don't understand," she cried.

Severus lifted her easily and pulled her into his lap so he could hold her close.

"But Gr..Grey…Greyback. Can't you take him away? Can't you please? I don't want to remember anymore." Her sobs grew louder as she buried her face in his chest.

Severus felt his heart break and grow all at once as this fragile woman voiced her greatest fear with her head buried in his chest. "Shhhh...It's all right love, it's all going to be all right," he cooed, his voice soft and threatening to betray too much of his own emotions. "I wish I could, darling, oh how I wish I could. It is too embedded in everything else. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I should have explained it all better when I first suggested it. I am so sorry for that," he said to her quietly, stroking his fingers through her hair as she continued to cry.

Her cries slowed a bit and she shook her head to indicate she understood, but didn't speak, so Severus took his time to explain the process to her. "I should have explained it all more thoroughly. It's a delicate process. It was something that Albus and I worked on together. It was the only way I was able to deal with everything that I had to do, and see in that war. Once we had the process perfected we were able to use it to help a few others who had been affected by the war, but it is difficult, and not something we used lightly." His voice was soft and almost distant as he began to tell her about the delicate process he had helped to invent along with his mentor and friend. It wasn't often he spoke of Albus, and Hermione wasn't lost to the significance of it. "To understand best, I should start at the beginning. You see, when…when Lily died I tried to go with her."

"No!" Hermione practically screamed at the realization that he had tried to kill himself, even if it was twenty years ago.

Severus kissed her forehead and smiled. "Shhh. I am obviously still here and have long since realized the ridiculousness of my actions. Lily and I were never right for each other and I know that." He didn't say it, but the way he looked at her made Hermione think that perhaps whatever hole Lily had left in his soul she had more than filled. "At the time however, I thought that she was the only woman I could ever love, and in a rash decision I cut right through the mark that in my mind took her from me. I sliced right through to the bone with my own hex. Albus found me clinging to life. I still remember him muttering about me being a fool, something along the lines of 'you would think a brilliant Potions Master would know better than to use such a means to accomplish his task when a simple potion would do the trick instantly…' I think it helped him deal with his own guilt. Anyhow, let's move on, shall we? He got me in touch with a psychotherapist, a squib. He told me that if I wanted to be able to protect her son I would have to protect myself and that meant dealing with my issues. It helped to some degree. I continued to see the doctor for some years off and on, until he was killed during the last war. While I was seeing him he told me of a very specialized treatment he had read about. He was no expert, but thought that it might be of interest to me. It was specifically for treating extreme Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which has always plagued me, as I am sure you can imagine. Occlumency helped, I will not lie, but to hold ones walls up inside the mind constantly is a great drain on your power, and when they fell, it could be…devastating. Now the muggle treatment was promising. E.M.D.R. It was about using eye movement as a tool to access the brain and rewrite the way your brain processed events and emotions. It was fairly technical when you don't have a background in muggle psychotherapy, but Albus and I were intrigued by the possibilities. To be able to reprocess the emotion tied to an event, to neutralize it…"

"You wouldn't have to build walls around the event itself if it no longer caused you pain. You could save your magical strength. But how?" she asked, obviously starting to understand the process he was talking about, even if she didn't fully understand the background.

Severus took a deep breath, preparing for another long explanation. One he was sure she would not like. "Yes. The Triggered Obliviate doesn't erase a memory, it was too dangerous to erase anything from my mind at the time, you never know when a spy will need to know every little detail," he said a little grimly. His career as a spy was not a happy time to remember for him. "E.M.D.R. intrigued us. The idea that you could remember the worst day of your life with as little emotional attachment as you would a shopping list was unbelievable. We knew that if we could perfect it, I would be more equipped to continue to spy for him until the War was truly over. It took years, but we finally figured out how to accomplish it," he told her, his hand still absently playing with a knot in her hair.

"How?" she asked him a little nervously. She knew it wasn't likely to be easy or very pleasant.

It was easier for once to speak in terms of him and Albus, than it was to relate it to what she would have to go through. "Albus was the one who finally figured it out. I don't think I wanted to consider the possibility myself. Albus had to Legillimize me. We then walked through the memories together, and while I relived the events, he Obliviated the emotional ties. It is some of the most complex mind magic there is. It is painful and dangerous. We had to be careful not to get rid of too much of the emotions, just the ones for memories that were crippling me. In the end, I left the memories of Lily intact, so I could remember why I fought. But there were things that I did during the war, that couldn't be helped, and the guilt was too much to bear and keep my walls intact. It was not something we did lightly, and I paid for it with some of my humanity I think. But I think that like others we have helped with this, you can benefit. Not to let Greyback have that power over you anymore. You will remember but it won't hurt anymore, it won't scare you to be touched." Hermione could see the hope in his eyes as he spoke those last words, so quietly she barely heard them.

All the while she was listening her head was screaming 'No!' "I, Severus... I don't…I don't know. you would have to…you would see…I can't, I just can't," she started crying again, terrified that if she went through with this it wouldn't matter, because he would never want to touch her again after he had seen her like that. Not once he had seen what that monster did to her.

Severus seemed to understand her misgivings and just continued to stroke her hair, hoping it soothed her as much as it did him. "It's okay. I know you're scared, that you don't want me to see. I understand that, I do. It's the only way though. It won't change anything for me Hermione. I know what that monster did to you, and I know what Weasley did. I found you remember. We'll take our time, it will be okay. Shhhh."

Severus and Hermione stayed curled up on the couch for a while after that, neither of them talking. Just both of them trying to deal with all that had been said that night.

Yes, lying there in bed, with Severus lightly snoring the night away after he had told her so much of himself just so she would better understand what he wanted to do to help her, Hermione was sure. She loved him. Hermione Granger was unequivocally in love with Severus Snape. It should have terrified her, the thought of loving someone again, but she finally felt like she could find peace, because she was fairly certain that he was in love with her too.

A/N: I truly hope you liked it. I cant hear what you all have to say. The next three chapters are done, and like this one technically is are all just awaiting the genius touch of my beta. reviews make me giddy, what can I say.

*lily*