Note – I just wanted to say thank you for all of your likes/favourites and the reviews I've received. They mean the world. I also want to point out that from this chapter on we will deviate from the events of season 7.
'Hotch, do you- I mean can we talk?' She asks quietly as she leans against the doorframe to his office and watches as he flicks through a file on his desk. It's been three long days since girls night when she finally admitted to JJ and Penelope just what was going on. Since that night she's spoke with her therapist who agreed with JJ that maybe taking some time would be beneficial to her.
'Of course. Come on in...' He replies glancing up at her with a small smile on his face as he closes the file and pushes it to the side. His arms rest on his desk as he watches her make her way further into his office.
'I um- Well I think I need some time.' She almost whispers, tilting her head to the side and closing her eyes in an attempt to blink back the tears which are threatening to fall.
'I don't necessarily mean I need time off I just need to stop for a while. I need to be able to regularly speak to my therapist without worrying that I'm going to have to up and leave to another state. I just need time to breathe.' She says watching his face fill with concern.
'Are you okay?' He asks softly as he stands up and make his way over to close the office door in order to give them some privacy as she quickly wipes the tears from her cheeks.
'I don't think so.' She admits shaking her head as she bites her bottom lip.
'Talk to me, Emily.' He says softly.
'I think I've spent the past seven months trying to ignore everything that happened, in fact I think I might have spent the past eight years trying to ignore everything that happened with Doyle and I just- I can't do it anymore, Hotch. I can't go on pretending that I'm okay.' She almost whispers and he instinctively moves closer to her. His arm settles on her arm as she stares down at the floor.
'I don't want you to pretend that you're okay. If you need time then I can give you time. If you need time off then I can arrange for that to happen.' He says.
'I think I'll go crazy if I'm not working.' She admits.
'Then why don't you help Garcia out? The team will be heading out on a case today, I'm just waiting on everyone else getting here to brief them. Why don't you stay behind and help Garcia with the stuff back here?' He suggests.
'Can I? Will that- Would that be okay?' She asks and he nods his head.
'Of course it'll be okay, Emily... I messed up. We should've eased you back into being out on the field.' He says causing her to shake her head.
'This isn't your fault. You weren't to know I was struggling this bad; I didn't even know.' She replies feeling more tears stream down her cheek. Without hesitation, he pulls her into his arms and feels her head drop against his chest.
'You'll get through this, Emily... You're one of the strongest people I've ever met... You're safe here.' He says softly feeling her body gently shake with sobs. He runs his hands up and down her back until she slowly pulls away from him.
'I'm sorry. I uh-' She begins and he shakes his head.
'Don't you dare apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for... I need to go brief the team, why don't you take a moment and I'll let Garcia know you're going to be with her this week.' He suggests watching as she nods her head. Reaching up, he gently wipes some tears from her cheek and pushes her hair out of her face.
'You'll be okay.' He says softly.
'Don't look at me like that... I don't want you to treat me like I'm going to break.' Emily says shaking her head as she makes her way into Penelope's office.
'I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you, we all are.' Penelope admits and Emily nods her head.
'We lost you for seven months and none of us want to lose you again.' Penelope adds causing Emily to sigh.
'I know... I don't want to worry you all and I promise you wouldn't lose me, even if I was to make the decision to go away for a while I'd contact you all every day.' Emily says.
'Go away? What do you mean go away? Where are you going?' Penelope asks, panic clear in her voice as she turns away from the computer.
'I'm not going anywhere just now, Penelope. I just- If things continue the way they are, if the nightmares continue then I can't confidently do my job. Not when I'm getting two, maybe three hours sleep a night.' Emily replies shrugging her shoulders as she sits on the edge of the desk.
'I need to- This conversation isn't over, Emily.' Penelope says turning her attention back to the computer and beginning the call to the others on the jet. She speaks to the team about the case as Emily wanders around the office before settling on the sofa at the back of the office.
Glancing over her shoulder, she smiles slightly as she sees Emily fast asleep curled up at the end of the sofa. They've been working on the case for a little over three hours, although she's pretty sure Emily has been sleeping for at least the last hour. Hardly anyone ventures into her office, especially when the team are away on a case, so she sees no reason to wake the brunette who looks incredibly peaceful. Instead she turns her attention back the the computer in front of her and continues to search for the information Hotch asked her for.