The Sage and The Sword Saint

by KnoxxWatt

After being forgotten by the world, he was accused and tortured by the people he called his friends. Fortunately for him, despite the Great Spirit's words, some people don't take her words for granted and believe him, including a certain red haired knight and a Vollachian princess. Although a little late in his rescue, the Sword Saint vows to protect his forgotten friend.

3. A Moment of Relief - Part 2

Chapter 3

A Moment of Relief - Part 2

—It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

These were the only thoughts in his head as the cat-eared healer fried his nerves once again. He did not know how long it had been since he had been captured and put in that dark damp cell, but it showed no signs of ending.

"Are you ready to tell me how to cure Crusch-sama nyow~? The faster you spill your secrets, the faster this'll end, you knyow~! Hurry up already!"

"I…. don't know how….. " He coughed as he struggled to get the words out.

"How pathetic! Despite being offered to be liberated once you provide all information required by us, you continue to plead that you are unaware. I feel sorry for you. No one would appreciate your efforts."

The light purple haired knight taunted him, as Subaru begged desperately for even a moment of relief.

"Move aside Ferris. Let me try again." Julius requested the cat-eared boy. "What have you done to my brother and Crusch-sama? How do we fix it?" The purple-haired knight paused for sometime, waiting for him to reply.

Compared to two minutes ago, he felt like he could at least talk now that his body didn't feel like it was on fire. He took a deep breath and began to answer—

"I… I really don't know. I'm Emilia's knight and-"

He was sent flying and crashed against the walls of the prison cell as the wooden sword struck his abdomen.

"On what grounds, do you call yourself a knight? One of a King Candidate's no less." Julius's words made Subaru's eyes widen with realisation.

"No, wait…" Subaru coughed out. "I'm not lying… I really am Emilia's kni-"

His attempts to get up and explain were followed by more beatings with the wooden sword.

"It seems you do not understand. We are knights of the Kingdom. We embody its dignity on a daily basis. We did not train in body and spirit just to have a Cultist like you sully our name." Despite Julius's calm demeanor, he could hear the knight audibly gritting his teeth. "Even after Emilia-sama denied any involvement with you, why do you still resist? How many times do I need to spell it out for you? The title of knight, which falls so frivolously from your lips does not belong to you."

History was repeating itself. He was being trampled upon again, only this time he didn't even know what part of himself he had to correct to make it stop. He did not know how else to convince them and was pounded by him, followed by more of whatever the healer was doing with his body.

It had become a routine every day. No matter how much he screamed, no one would listen to him. No matter how much he pleaded no one would believe him. He just screamed and cried as they tortured him and hurled insults at him.

—It hurts. It's scary. I don't know. Please stop. I want to cry. I want to shout. I want a break. I don't want to be here. I want to die.

He shivered and curled up into a ball every time he was left alone after the beating was over. It was not their fault they didn't remember. It was the Witch Cult's. And his for letting his guard down so easily. He didn't want to blame them. But then, what was their reason to keep torturing him. Surely, no one was forcing them, right?

Every single day ever since Louis Arneb ate his name, it was like this. They tortured him for information, got nothing in return, heal him and then retire. He was completely useless to them.

—So, why won't they stop?

He was unable to understand why he was being punished like this. Was he so untrustworthy that they could neither let him go nor put him to rest? If he was stronger, smarter, more capable, would they have listened to him?

If Subaru could escape, he would. He just didn't have enough information about the layout of the prison to plan one. The last attempt didn't really go well when he tried to jump out of the dragon carriage on the way from Priestella to the Capital City blindly, only to get crushed under the wheels of the other carriages accompanying it. He would rather not go through all that pain nor would he like to go through this torture for a second time.

So he waited.

—Amid the darkness, he clung on to a faint hope, waiting for an opportunity which never seemed to arrive.

---

"Come on! What does it take with you? Why can't you just tell me? Don't you want this to end too?" The frustration in Felix's voice had become more and more apparent as time passed by. He had long forgone the use of his playful cat-like accent.

Julius was in the back, occasionally stepping forward to interrogate him, but the slight tremors in his hands did not go unnoticed by Subaru.

Were they finally beginning to realise it? That he might not be the Sin Archbishop they believe him to be.

They still beat him up regularly. But everytime the wooden sword made contact with Subaru, he could see Julius's hands shake. Everytime he answered with an, "I don't know," even under the effects of Felix's brainwashing, he could see drops of tears escape the cat-eared knight's eyes.

Days passed by and the interrogation time became shorter and shorter. They were getting bored of him. Although they didn't stop completely, it did mean that he was left with more time to himself. While that should have been comforting to him, he was living a nightmare from which he couldn't awaken.

Over and over, he replayed his moments of remorse at things beyond his reach. Scenes dyed crimson repeated over and over. His previous deaths, his previous failures, his current failures, corpses piled atop each other, fingers pointing at him in hatred, it all wore away at his soul.

His body squirmed and struggled against the chains binding him, seeking pain from his wounds. Pain was good. The pain distracted from his isolation. It made him not think about the fact that he had been abandoned and left alone and that there was no one trying to save him.

The passage of time blurred down. A day felt like a week. A week felt like a month. The hollow passage of time slowly whittled away at Subaru's mind. How long he was there for, he didn't know, when suddenly one day, the door to his prison cell banged open, as he watched in shock.

Getting up with difficulty, his eyes widened upon seeing the person who had entered the prison.

"Ram….?" His voice came out feebly and his eyes watered up in relief.

However, uncaring of the momentary happiness in his heart, she marched towards him in anger, grabbed his collar and pushed his back against the wall.

Behind her, Garfiel looked at him with disdain, while Otto's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

What was happening? Why were they looking at him like that? Weren't they here to save him?

"Tell Ram how to fix her sister's condition this instant or die like a pig for tearing apart Ram and Rem's sisterly love!" She growled, as he grunted in pain. He felt his heart breaking for the hundredth time as he looked in fear at her hate-filled expression.

"Ram-san, wait!" Otto stopped her. "We cannot kill him, if we want to save the victims of the Witch Cult!"

"—Tch!" Ram let go of him reluctantly, as he fell down, coughing spit and blood.

"Let me have a moment with him. I'll try to find out as much as I can." Otto instructed, only to be met with refusal from both Ram and Garfiel.

"Otto-nii, 't is dangerous! There ain't no way my amazin' self's leavin' ya alone with-"

"Trust me on this just once! Besides, you are right outside, aren't you? If something happens, I can trust you to come rushing in."

All three stared silently at each other, before Ram finally relented.

"You have five minutes. If you have nothing by then, Ram will do as she likes. Let's go, Garf." Ram dragged the protesting Garfiel away as she closed the door behind her.

"Otto…." The weak voice of the raven-haired boy drew Otto's attention away from the door and towards him.

Subaru's coughing fit died down gradually and he looked at Otto with pleading eyes. Otto was here. Otto was smart and not impulsive like Beatrice. Otto would believe him wouldn't he?

Otto's face scrunched up into a frown as he fixed his hat on his head.

"So it's true…." Otto muttered.

Subaru tried to crawl closer but Otto backed away, sufficiently enough so that the chains cuffing Subaru's hands and legs won't reach him. Subaru felt hurt but ignored the feeling, understanding why Otto would be wary of him.

"I had heard about the Sin Archbishop of Pride claiming to be Emilia-sama's knight, but you seem not only aware of her, but of us as well."

"That's because I do know you!" Subaru cried out as the chains binding him rattled throughout the prison cell. "Otto, it's me…. Don't you remember me?"

"...I'm afraid not." He answered with a frown on his face. "While I would like to believe you, Beatrice-chan had specifically pointed you out to be a Witch Cultist, a group of people known to be targeting Emilia-sama. It would not be too far-fetched to assume you have researched us."

"But-" Subaru tried to protest, but Otto didn't let him.

"Honestly, it would have been much easier to believe you if you had just claimed you were part of some other Camp."

"I can't! I'm Emilia's knight! There's no way I can-" With tears in his eyes, Subaru began, but Otto interrupted him.

"If that is what you say, please prove it. Please answer me this, why did the Great Spirit believe so adamantly that you are a Sin Archbishop? Why do you know the victims of Gluttony if you're not a Sin Archbishop?"

Subaru fell silent. The first answer was easy. The Witch's Scent. The second answer was a lot more difficult. He suspected it had something to do with Return by Death but he wasn't entirely sure of it. Both of the answers were related to the Witch, but he couldn't tell that. Even if he could, he would only end up further digging himself into a hole.

"I…. don't know…."

"Are you sure? You don't even have any theories as to why you might remember the victims?"

"...I don't know…"

Otto sighed at Subaru's words as the raven-haired boy looked down in frustration. He couldn't let Otto leave. He had to give him an answer that Otto would be satisfied with. But before he could say anything—

"In the course of my travels across many lands, I have met a considerable number of people." Otto began as Subaru listened to him in confusion.

"I have experienced firsthand how capable people can be in shrouding their gazes in order to deceive others. I myself have been deceived several times."

"..." Subaru clearly remembered having this conversation before. That morning in the Sanctuary, when he had decided to ask Otto for help. Unfortunately, Otto most likely did not remember that conversation. And the more he listened, the more he dreaded what Otto was about to say.

"Ignoring the odds and believing in you, when you are clearly hiding something is not something I can do."

"Otto, please believe me!" Subaru begged, but—

"There is no way I can believe you when you have nothing to back your words."

Subaru felt like he was shattering into a thousand pieces.

"—Tell me everything! Then, at the end of this messy tale, just say 'Believe me!' We're friends, after all!"

He fell down, slumped on the ground in hopelessness. Grasping his hair in his hand, a few strands got uprooted under the force, just like all the bonds he held dear.

"Otto, you've had enough time. Did you manage to obtain any information?" Ram burst in once again, and asked him impatiently.

Otto just shook his head.

"Just as Ram had thought. Even from you, expecting a Sin Archbishop to open up quietly was a dumb idea. He's a Sin Archbishop, he needs to be treated as such." As she said so, a burst of wind was sent flying towards him, a cut appearing across his cheek. "Now, tell Ram how to wake her sister up."

"...I am sorry…. I don't know…." He sobbed as he slumped down against the wall and curled up into a ball. "...Rem…." He subconsciously called out the name of the girl who had called him her hero, and the only other person who had believed in him despite all odds. He hadn't seen her for so long.

However, "How dare you say her name!" Hearing him calling out Rem's name enraged Ram, as she walked closer to him, ready to give him a piece of her mind.

But to her annoyance, he responded, "If only Rem were here…."

"Ha! You think she'd believe you?" Ram asked condescendingly. "Disgusting! If she were here, she would have hated-"

"NO! YOU'RE WRONG!" He refused her words with every fibre of his being. "She wouldn't….."

"—Are you a member of the Witch Cult? It is plain you are involved with the witch. Her stench is all over you!"

"She wouldn't…."

She moved her wrist, the chain ferociously lashed Subaru's upper body. The chain rang out several times, Subaru's painful cries matching it closely.

The entire situation he was in hit him all of a sudden like a car crash, destroying everything he had worked so hard for, igniting all his relationships into flames.

He had a lot of regrets in his life. But he sincerely believed as long as he was able to achieve his happy ending, it would all be worth it. Yet, the more he talked with everyone, the more they invalidated everything he held precious, an emotion he had never felt towards them began brewing in his heart.

There was fear. There was grief. There was anguish. There was heartbreak. There was betrayal. Negative emotions swirled in him until it, assimilating and morphing into rage at his unfair situation.

He clenched his fists and grit his teeth as he glared at her. Surprised by the sudden change in his mood, Ram flinched in surprise.

She glared at him in anger.

"What is it, Cultist? Are you going to tell Ram about how to fix Rem's-"

"Look at you acting all high and mighty. Pretending to care about your sister, when we both know you would get rid of her if Roswaal asked you to." Unable to think of what to do with the tempestuous feelings in his heart, he lashed out. "In the first place, you wouldn't even have known you had a sister if it wasn't for-"

"HOW DARE YOU?" Without holding anything back, she began beating him up mercilessly to the point of almost killing him, if Otto and Garfiel hadn't held her back.

"What's going on here?" Felix came rushing in, only to find Subaru beaten up to a bloody pulp.

The cat-eared doctor cringed in disgust, as the Otto and Garfiel forcefully carried her out of the place, while she kept screaming, "I'LL KILL YOU!" at him.

How many times had he heard those words said to him now? He didn't care anymore. It went in one ear and left through the other. He fell asleep as Felix's painful healing put him to sleep.

That evening, Otto visited him in his cell again, but Subaru was no longer in the mood to talk.

"It was my mistake for believing even for an instant that you might be reasoned with."

Still laying down on the hard floor of the prison cell, he didn't even make the effort to get up or even look in his direction. He did not want to talk either.

Dialogue was possible only when the other party was willing to listen. It was clear that their opinions were too inflexible for them to be able to really listen to a thing he said…. unless he defeated another White Whale, which was impossible. And even if he did, he had lost all interest trying to impress them, when they might just end up abandoning him in the future again.

"You aren't going to say anything anymore? About how you're Emilia-sama's knight?" Otto asked, upon receiving no response from the raven-haired boy.

Subaru had played this game too many times before to know exactly how it would end. He would appeal to Otto with a fond memory, only for him to reply he didn't remember it. So, he covered his ears with his hands and trembled in the dark corner of the room.

"Your words to Ram-sam earlier…. You really hurt her. I absolutely won't forgive anyone who hurts my friends."

—I thought we were friends, but you don't seem to be doing anything for me…. So, I guess I was wrong?

"Just because you know our names does not make you a part of our Camp. If you were, you would know how Ram-san feels about her sister."

—Do you know though? Because I remember the last time we were in danger, Ram asked me to abandon Rem for Roswaal's sake.

He believed he knew his allies well enough. But the truth was who knew what they thought or felt? He always thought Emilia and Beatrice were the kindest people in the world, willing to compromise and listen to others, but look where that had gotten him.

"If you're not going to speak, I'm just wasting my time." Without another word, Otto closed the metal door of the prison cell and left.

"Goodbye…. Otto." With tears rolling down his cheeks, he whispered his goodbye.

If the very people who had helped him stand up were the ones who were going to hurt him in the end, he was better off without them.

As he cried in his sleep, both in sadness and anger, hitting his fists repeatedly against the ground until finally, he fell asleep out of exhaustion.

---

The next day resumed as usual, with Ferris and Julius interrogating him as usual, but the difference this time was that his screams were not of fear, but of anger. He wasn't screaming in pain, he was screaming in frustration.

Subaru was painfully aware of what had gone wrong. The scariest thing in the world was losing the connections he shared with someone precious. And he had already experienced it.

—There was nothing worse that could happen to him anymore.

The fear had vanished and in its place was left a scorching rage at the world that had made him lose everything. For everyone that had refused to listen to him. What was his fault in all this? What had he ever done? He was useless, that was for sure. He had a lot of faults, he did not deny it. But what had he done to receive this punishment?

"Natsuki Subaru, I am here to speak with you again." He felt someone shaking him awake, and he gradually opened his eyes, rubbing them as he did.

His eyes widened as he saw the figure before. With a somewhat sad smile, Pandora took a single step back as his anger boiled over upon hearing her voice.

"PANDORA!" It was all her fault. This entire situation was her fault. He stood up and reached his hand out to grab her, but his legs almost immediately gave out and he fell down.

"It's truly unfortunate…. the situation you have found yourself in." She spoke as if she was grieving for him, but it only made him angrier at her.

"Shut up! It's your fault! Just die!" He spouted out venomous words, glaring at her with hatred, leaving her less than pleased.

"Please do not look at me in a hostile manner. I am simply here to help you. Even I cannot bear to continue witnessing such a scene. It is really cruel." She said, seemingly sympathising with him, even though both knew it was fake.

"It's your fault, this happened to me!" He was outraged. Why was she here again? What did she want?

If this was about asking him to join the Witch Cult again, he was definitely not going to take up the offer. If he couldn't trust the people he called his friends, he sure as hell couldn't trust her.

"It wasn't something I had intended. But I suppose I did not stop it either." She gave a bitter smile. "But I believe it is as much your fault as it is mine, don't you think so? If you can use the Authority of Sloth, you should use it, no?" She advised.

"I don't need to hear anything from you!" He crawled to her, the chains rang as they became taut, while she took a step back outside the door to avoid his hands.

"It is the only ability you seem to have. I haven't seen you use any other abilities outside of it. Not relying on the only ability you have is surely foolishness."

"Shut up!"

"If I am being honest, I would like to see you using it again. And what better opportunity to use it than now and escape." She declared, stretching out her arms, unmoving from a position where Subaru's fingers barely failed to reach her.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" He wanted to get her to stop talking. He hated her voice, belittling him. He hated her presence that had led him into this situation.

"Are you perhaps afraid of what the Witch's Daughter…. Emilia would think of you. Using the abilities of the person she considered her father. If that is the case, you need not worry."

Looking sideways out the entrance of the prison, she smiled the sweetest she could until now. She turned back to face him. And then, what she said drove him over the edge.

"—She already hates you."

"SHUT UP!" He screamed in denial. He didn't want to hear a thing she said. She was detestable. She should just die. Just die. Just die. Just die. Just die. Just die. Just die. Just die. Just die. Just die.

"It's such a shame you don't use it. Maybe if you did…. you might even reach me."

With her constantly egging him on, he did exactly that. A single unseen hand protruded out from his chest and in an instant impaled her chest.

He pulled back his unseen hand and the hole in her chest poured out blood as she fell face first onto the floor.

And when it did, "What the…?" He was left shocked at how easily it had happened.

"I see. So, your unseen hands, they are probably fewer in number and shorter in range than Archbishop Romanee-conti's, but they are individually just as powerful I assume." A voice reached his ears beside him.

He slowly turned his head around in dread. And there she was, theorising about his Authority with a hand on her chin.

"...H-How….are…..you alive…..?"

"How am I alive?" She tilted her head, seemingly in confusion. "I was never dead. Perhaps your eyes were deceived." She smiled.

"Then what was…." Turning his head to see the corpse in front of him, his eyes widened in horror.

In front of him lay Felix, unmoving…. and dead. Felix's regeneration was completely useless in the absence of an intact heart, as he continued to bleed out.

"Fe…rris…." He shook the cat-eared knight, his voice trembling at the sight.

"Ferris! Ferris!" But no matter how violently he shook him, Felix showed no signs of life.

"Oh my! Look what you have done." She said in surprise.

"...What….I…. have….done….?" Subaru shivered, with his eyes wide. He did this? That could not be possible. He shook his head vigorously, denying Pandora's accusations. He did not kill Felix…. did he?

Footsteps began to reach his ears, "Ferris, did you find out what that scream was-" and it halted right in front of him, followed by a gasp.

"FERRIS!" Julius shouted, dropping onto his knees and inspecting the corpse.

"I didn't…. I didn't…." Subaru cried, shaking his head in fear.

"Did you do this?" Julius asked him in cold fury, as Subaru slowly backed away.

"You don't have to be so upset, Natsuki Subaru. You have done nothing wrong. After they have tortured you this long, it is only fair you retaliated, isn't it?" Pandora smiled, trying to console him while she stood away from the cell behind Julius.

"Shut up! Stop talking!" Subaru screamed and sobbed.

"What are you doing? Who are you talking to? Answer me, you madman!" Julius demanded as he stood up and looked around, taking out his sword.

"Now please stand up and come with me. I highly doubt you can continue wasting away your days this way any longer now."

Two voices, Julius's and Pandora's, clashed as they reached his ears. He raised his hands and covered his ears, and closed his eyes. His unseen hand was out again and lashed out defensively all across the room as he shivered in place. He hated them so much. Why can't they just shut up?

Rocks fell around him as the walls were chipped away by his Authority of Sloth.

Those eyes that looked at Subaru like he was murderer, it terrified him. He couldn't watch or hear anything anymore. He didn't mean to kill Felix. It was a mistake.

Blood came out his nose as the pain began to hit him. His unseen hand disappeared as he prepared for his imminent death. However, Julius's sword never swung down.

"I'll create a distraction for you and wait for you outside. Try to escape as soon as possible." She explained and walked away, but he was in too much pain to fully comprehend what was happening.

She turned around one last time at him, and then said, "Also, please try not to die. ….Although if you did so easily, you wouldn't be a Sage." She laughed and vanished.

"What….?" Subaru was confused. What had happened? He opened his eyes and made the mistake of looking up.

"...how did this…."

He immediately emptied the contents of his almost empty stomach onto the floor. "No…. I…. I didn't…. I didn't…." Subaru shook his head violently, hyperventilating.

There on the floor of the cell was the mangled body of Julius and blood spilled out everywhere.

He didn't know how long he had been staring at the scene. Maybe an hour or two hours. His ability to think returned slowly and he analysed the scene before him. He wanted to believe it was Pandora who had killed the two knights but the answer was clear to him. It was without a doubt Subaru who had killed them. He didn't know how it had happened but it was Subaru's fault.

There were noises coming from outside. It felt like they were all aimed at him. Did everyone find out what he had done? Subaru stared at the corpses in despair.

Clutching his head and covered in blood and wounds, he began crawling on the ground to the door. However, the chains that held him back rattled, stretching to the maximum.

He didn't know what to do. His mind was in an utter panic. What should he do? What should he do? What should he do? What should he do? Should he ask for help? Would they even listen to him if they asked for help? Could they even save Felix and Julius at this point?

The screams, banging, and various other noises outside the cell were so loud. The door to his cell was wide open, but he was too scared to see beyond it.

Suddenly, "What's in here? I hope there's something worth stealing." A bald man walked in. Whoever had walked in didn't look like a prison guard.

"—hk!" The man gasped, upon seeing the corpses, while he backed out in a hurry, only to be slashed in half by a knight behind him.

As the man fell, "Argyle-sama! Juukulius-sama!" The knight screamed, and immediately, he was sent flying out, and Subaru broke himself free from his chains and walked out with great difficulty, the pain of using Invisible Providence returned once again.

His eyes widened. The doors to all the prison cells were open, and the knights, guards and prisoners were fighting everywhere. Many dead, some injured and most fighting. It was a massacre in the true sense of it.

He walked slowly in anguish, the broken chains dragging along the ground like nails on a chalkboard.

"The Sin Archbishop is free and he has killed Knights Julius Juukulius and Felix Argyle." The knight he had thrown away earlier announced for everyone to hear.

Everyone nearby who heard the announcement went silent. A mass panic then spread around, as guards, a few knights and the prisoners alike rushed out, away from the prison.

The knight behind him took the opportunity to cut off Subaru's right hand, and was immediately thrown back again.

"AHHHHHH!" He screamed, holding the place where his arm was cut off and bleeding profusely, while more knights approached him and there were a very few knights, including the brown-haired knight that sometimes talked to him, watching the scene from afar in horror. Unfortunately, he was in too much pain to understand what was going on. With one swift sweep of his unseen hand, he threw away the knights approaching him.

The pain in his head was unbearable, so much that the pain in his right hand was incomparable to it. He had used his Authority to its limits. His eyes, nose and mouth were leaking blood. Agony bore through his skull as if his cranial nerves were set on fire. He began banging his head again and again against the wall, anything to get the pain to subside. He was already bleeding to death, appearing no different from a zombie.

He didn't know because he rarely used it, was Invisible Providence always this strong? Petelguese's unseen hands were strong, and his own Authority had sent Garfiel flying back in the Sanctuary, but to think it could be this terrible.

Subaru swore to never use it ever again as he banged his head on the wall again and again in an effort to mask the pain due to the aftereffects of using it.

He wanted to die. He was terrified of dying. He needed to die. He didn't want to die. He needed to erase this massacre. But he did not want to go through everything that had happened a second time.

The broken chains around his ankles rattled throughout the corridor as he hit his head, disguising the sounds of footsteps heading towards him. And then, to grant his wish—

"Sin Archbishop of Pride, I knew we shouldn't have let you live. Although death is far too great a mercy for someone like you." Glaring at him with cold eyes, the Knight Commander, Marcos Gildark beheaded him, ending the massacre then and there.

---

Subaru found out his save point updated to be on the first day he was locked in. And when he did, he did not forget to scream.

How was he any different from the person they had claimed he was, if he could so easily claim the lives of so many people he had previously considered his allies? Even if Pandora had orchestrated the situation, he was the one who had killed them.

The first people he killed with his own hands…. And they were people he had considered friends. But then again, they did not seem to have any qualms torturing him, beating him up everyday, making him suffer.

His friends trying to kill him, him trying to kill his friends. Was violence the only thing they knew? He was done with everything. If his memories were to return, there was no way he could ever get along with them ever again.

Once again, the days of interrogation began and Subaru wondered why he was going through it all. Why didn't he try to escape? Yet every time he wanted to use his Authority, the events of the previous loop resurfaced in his mind and he endured the hits.

He kept enduring. He prayed to whatever God was listening to him at that moment to forgive him. And he could find himself unable to plead innocence. He bottled up his anger at the situation because he too was at fault. He stayed quiet when Julius and Ferris beat him up. He silently endured Otto and Ram's questioning. He shivered and trembled, lying down in a corner, mutilating his arms with his broken nails in an effort to subdue the intense feelings of rage he felt every moment the Witch spoke with him. She promised him another visit once she realised he was in no condition to talk.

He managed to live further than he did last time. Maybe… just maybe if he lives long enough, he might be able to attain his freedom. He could not have been any more mistaken.

It wasn't anything unusual being beaten up for fun and stress-relief by the guards and knights inside the prison. He was a Sin Archbishop, so it was no problem he got hurt, was probably what they were thinking. Which was honestly ironic. If he was a Sin Archbishop, forget about beating him up, they wouldn't even be alive right now. Sadly, they lacked the common sense to come to that realisation.

That day was particularly rough. With Ferris and Julius losing interest in him, they probably felt it was fine to do whatever they liked. There were probably two or maybe three knights and they were taking turns beating him up, humiliating him, making him squirm under the sole of their shoes.

For all the speeches they gave about the Royal Knights being the embodiment of dignity and everything, the Knights sure were disgusting. Spoiled rich kids who believe they have all the right in the world to treat other humans however they wished. They weren't even treating him like a human. He was no different from a dog being battered to death.

At this rate, he would die and return again. And then this would happen again and he would continue to be stuck in an eternal torture loop with no means of escape. He wished someone would stop this pain.

But he knew no help was coming. He would keep praying and no one would come to help him.

He didn't really remember what happened next. He had been enduring for a long, long time when one of them decided it was alright to bring up the topic of his parents into this mess. Something about them being ashamed of him and someone else mentioning something like how they themselves should be executed for bringing him into this world.

And that was the last straw. Unexpressed emotions that were buried alive clawed its way out and bared its fangs in the ugliest way possible.

In his rage-induced fervour, what happened after that was a blank. It was the cries of the last knight as he begged for mercy to return to his wife and child as he crushed his skull that brought Subaru back to his senses. And all he was left with was a momentary satisfaction and a lifetime of regret as the blood rained down on him.

There was no surprise when Julius's sword came swinging down, beheading him as his head rolled on the ground, all the knights watching him die. Well, that one junior knight had just walked away from the scene before the beheading but except him, all these people and not a single one believed him? So many acquaintances visited him but no one could find it in themselves to give him the benefit of the doubt?

Why wasn't Reinhard among the knights here? Why didn't he come? He needed help so badly and no matter where he searched, the Sword Saint was nowhere to be found. Was it too difficult for Felt or Priscilla to come and visit him even once or was it too much to ask? Why did Emilia and Beatrice never once try to rethink their accusations with all the inconsistencies that day?

At this point, he wanted to leave. He wanted to escape and have nothing to do with anyone. But even if he did, was there even a point to living in this loveless world? He would rebuild his life just to watch it getting shattered to dust again. How long would he have to seek love before he could finally find it for himself?

Life vanished from the eyes of his severed head.

But there was still something swirling around in his chest even though he was not connected to it. There was a phantom itch in his currently non-existent chest. And then he saw it.

—There was a single brilliant red flicker of light in his mind's eye.

---

Subaru screamed for a second time till his voice box gave out. The chains binding him broke and the door burst open and crashed on the opposite wall, courtesy of his Authority. He ran out without thinking. He didn't want to stay in that place for even a second longer. It was making him do things he didn't want to. Maybe if he had put a bit more thought into what he was doing, he wouldn't have been killed a mere five minutes after returning.

---

The fourth iteration. And he had accepted his fate. He was not getting out anytime soon.

—He had been forsaken by the world.

The interrogation began a third time. He was lucky he had escaped torture in the third loop. But then again, he had died three times in prison. Could he really call himself lucky?

"We're getting bored of the same thing everyday! Answer me!"

—Maybe you should try asking the actual Cultists how to cure her instead of wasting your time on me!

"You want to be put out of your misery and we wish to be done with you."

"...I….don't…."

Another hit to his abdomen. Subaru wheezed, unable to even breathe properly.

"It is truly pitiful. What do you achieve by keeping your silence? After all that you have done, do you honestly believe it is noble of you to continue to protect your people this way?" Julius spoke as he continued to pound Subaru. "Answer me? How do we save Joshua and Crusch-sama?"

—How big of a hypocrite are you, you asshole! You didn't even know he was your brother until I pointed it out to you!

He pitied them. He was sure he wouldn't be able to find greater idiots than the ones before him. Torturing someone who was incapable of defending himself. If he was really a Sin Archbishop, they wouldn't even have been alive right now.

"Speak out, already~! You are nyo one's knight or contractor." With every word that Felix spoke nullifying Subaru's existence, and everything he worked for, the more his wrath built. "The Witch Cult is nyot going to save you. Even your parents wouldn't save you."

Felix didn't even have time to process what had happened when suddenly he received a headbutt from Subaru. Subaru didn't need Invisible Providence for this. He wasn't going to put himself through unbearable pain for the sake of these pathetic excuses of knights.

"—Ughh!" Felix grunted, holding his nose, healing his nosebleed.

"Ferris, are you alright?" Julius asked in concern.

"Why you~!" Felix glared at Subaru, and gripped his hair, and punched him in the face. His punch was ludicrously weak. For someone, who made such grandiose declarations of making him suffer, his punch was not more painful than a pinprick.

As Subaru was relishing in his victory, he was hit by Julius's sword. Subaru probably did not imagine the crack he just heard. Something had definitely just fractured. It wasn't as bad as being crushed under the wheels of a dragon carriage. But he still fell onto the floor, slowly losing his consciousness.

"Oops~, we can nyot have you die so easily nyow, can we~! You still haven't given us anything useful," Felix taunted him, as he healed him.

—Sorry to disappoint you, but you're never going to get anything useful from me. So, I guess this is going to go on forever.

Well, he had the option of taking Pandora's hand but that would be the same as changing his torturers. He doubted he would actually be given free reign there. And if he had to choose his torturers, he would prefer Felix over someone like Capella.

Subaru lay unmoving on the cold prison floor, considering his options. Invisible Providence was strong but it was not enough to let him escape. The effects of Invisible Providence stockpiled despite Return by Death. Which meant he cannot use it immediately next loop and would definitely have to go through all that pain again.

He had no idea how he was going to leave with all the knights stationed outside. He needed help to escape, that was an undeniable fact. But who would be willing to help him? Sure that brown-haired knight was relatively nice to him, but would he help him escape?

By the time Felix had stopped the healing, Subaru had passed out completely.

---

As Subaru pulled out more of his hair again, he noticed even more of them were growing white. He wondered if Felix's healing magic could do something about it. Probably not.

He was an amazing healer but he probably could not heal something that wasn't injured. Although, it was highly unlikely Felix would help him.

Ram and the others visited again. He didn't want to talk to them. Whatever questions they had, he didn't know their answers. Everything had just happened because he was naive and ignorant. But he was not going to waste anymore breath trying to explain that to them.

Even him not saying anything peeved her. His silence was considered an admission of his guilt. He silently endured her beating. There was no point in talking to people unwilling to listen. She had to be pulled away again. And there Otto was again—

"Please don't misunderstand. I am not stopping her from killing you because I believe in your lies. The only reason is because you are the only one who can provide us information, in case Emilia-sama and the others are unsuccessful in their ventures."

—I doubt you'd let me go even if they are successful.

"I am sure she is feeling extremely anxious with everything that's been going on recently. So stop enraging her any further. I won't forgive anyone who hurt my friends."

Upon hearing those words, Subaru pushed his arms against the ground and sat up, looking at him in cold fury.

"—I really believed you were my friend."

Otto flinched back at the sharpness of Subaru's ice cold voice. Even Subaru himself was unaware that something like that could escape his lips. Otto ran away from the cell and with that he was left alone again. The third time felt no less painful than the first, but he accepted the outcome.

—There was nothing more that could be done.

And then just as before—

"Natsuki Subaru, what would you say to my offer now?" The girl—Pandora smiled from ear to ear upon seeing him.

Experiencing everything a third time, the impact of events lessened.

"If you say so, I can ask Archbishops Lugunica and Arneb to fix all your problems. You only need to come with me." She offered her hand once again.

His eyes twitched. He really wanted to rip her apart to pieces but remembered how well it went the last time and stopped. He took a deep breath, laid down on the floor, shut his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, ignoring her presence.

She kept talking, but he refused to even acknowledge her existence. He was blocking her voice out as much as he could. The hint of annoyance in her voice was becoming clearer than ever before. Witch of Vainglory, was it? He wondered how it felt for a narcissist like her to be ignored.

"Are you not even going to try to escape? Not even using your Authority seems such a waste."

"..."

He wasn't going to fall for her provocation again. He shut his eyes and refused to let anything she said get to his head. He wanted to escape. But he didn't want any more regrets.

This was the third time she had come to him in prison and he was certain that she was here to test him and his Authority, not rescue him. She wanted him to escape on his own. If she really wanted to save him, she could have teleported him away like she did with Priestella. Instead, she was coercing him, gaslighting him, manipulating him. Nothing she had done had benefited him in any way.

Still not receiving any response, she only responded with, "I see. In that case, please continue to rot in hell." She disappeared, a cold smile on her face.

"..."

Pandora's words didn't seem to have had any effect on him, so maybe she had just given up and left. In the first place, she was overestimating him. Invisible Providence was insufficient to help him. It had a very short range, had a ridiculously bad gain to loss ratio, and was easy to counter once discovered. The only reason he managed to do any damage at all was due to the element of surprise. There was no way he was going to be able to escape using that alone.

It was a good thing she didn't try to incite any trouble. She probably was telling him the truth when she said she did not want unnecessary trouble. It would have been bad if she had done something. It would have ruined his current no death streak. His current plan involved surviving longer than the second loop. And then survive even longer in the next loop. It was a terrible plan, but he had nothing else to go on.

He continued to lie there, shortly falling asleep and sleeping soundly for the first time in a very long while. He at least figured out how to deal with Pandora in the next loop. Sometimes, the best solution to all your problems was to do nothing. And there was probably no one better at doing nothing than the former shut-in.

---

He did not know how much time had passed since he had been captured. He tried to tally the days on the walls once with his blood, but it got smeared. He did not have any tools to chisel it into the wall and his nails were bleeding, so ultimately, he lost track.

His captors returned to the cell to interrogate him. Sadly, he had no idea what count he was on.

Despite being in tremendous pain, Subaru felt a satisfaction he had never felt before. Watching an exasperated Felix, none of whose methods were working, or the wavering Julius, who was becoming more and more uncertain of his actions was immensely pleasing to see. If he was miserable, it was only fair that they should too, right?

There even came a time a few days later when Felix had the nerve to come to see him alone and beg him to save Crusch.

"Please…." Felix begged. "...Why won't you say anything? ….How can I save Crusch-sama?" He wept in a high pitched wail.

He wondered why Julius hadn't accompanied Felix that day. Had Julius finally had enough of this and Felix had finally failed in persuading him? Or was he simply away at the moment?

Felix had grabbed onto his blood-stained jacket and shook him while begging for an answer. He must be really brave, grabbing onto an accused Sin Archbishop so defenselessly. Or he was really desperate.

It was so easy for Subaru to snap his neck with Invisible Providence right then and there. The only reason he didn't was because he did not want to add any more regrets to the pile of regrets he already had after the last loop.

Watching him weep and beg made Subaru feel almost bad for him.

Keyword: Almost.

Subaru could guarantee a hundred percent that Felix would fry him again at the end. So there was clearly no point in trying to help him. But he did it anyway, just to see if he could get a different response.

"Well, there might be something I can do." Subaru answered as he looked at Felix.

It was strange how calm he felt despite being aware of the pain that he was going to face at the end of this session. It was a miracle how he hadn't been driven insane yet. Although if he had, it would have made things easier on him.

"What do you mean?" Felix's ears perked up. Subaru was trying his hardest to not let his disgust for the healer show up on his face.

"I've already said this before but you never let me get to the end." Subaru sighed. "You can bring Crusch-san down here and I can transfer the dragon blood curse to me by touching her—AHHHHHHH!" Subaru began to scream part way through his sentence as Felix began frying his nerves again.

"If you lay a finger on Crusch-sama, I will destroy you. I'll kill you." Felix's cold voice reached his ears.

After Felix had stormed out of the cell, Subaru sighed. It went exactly as he had expected. Even the words that Felix spoke were exactly as Subaru had predicted. Sometimes, he wished that his torturers weren't so predictable.

He was… bored. It was the same old song and dance everyday. They would torture him and then heal him, the brown-haired knight helped him secretly sometimes and he would go back to sleep. It was all his life entailed now.

Their interrogations never stopped, even though they were fully aware they would not get anything out of him. They were grasping at straws to get anything to fix their situation, just as Subaru was, in trying to hope for an escape. But even he had come to accept his fate.

---

The three knights he had killed that loop burst into his cell that fateful day. Subaru was just trying to get some sleep and they were here pulling him up by his hair and getting ready to punch him. He was annoyed, but fortunately, he had a plan to deal with this.

Taking in a deep breath, "JULIUS! COME HERE AT ONCE!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

"What the…?" The knights looked at each other while panicking. They most likely hadn't expected this course of action and Subaru grinned in satisfaction.

The idea of calling his own torturers to rescue him was absurd, and if it was Felix, he would have certainly turned a blind eye to it. But Julius was a different issue. Felix had the single-minded goal of rescuing Crusch and nothing else, and he was willing to do anything to achieve it. His frustration came from desperation. But Julius's hands trembled everytime he hit Subaru, and the expression on his face as he did wasn't desperation. —It was shame.

At least, that was just speculation and he couldn't tell Julius's actual feelings. It was impossible to tell what was in someone else's heart. Even when he thought he knew someone, he would be caught off-guard discovering a new side of them in a failed loop.

There was a fifty-fifty chance he was correct. And he knew Julius was close. So he just had to wait to see what Julius would do. Would he overlook this situation or would he put a stop to it?

"What do you think you're doing?" One of the knights raised his fist in anger. But before his punch could land, it was stopped.

"And what do you think you're doing?" A stern voice asked. The three knights gasped and Subaru smirked. Julius had grabbed the knight's wrist, and was brushing away stray strands of hair away from his face. He looked at each of the people present and then his gaze landed on Subaru's. Subaru watched his face scrunch up into a frown as Subaru smiled at him.

"Sir Juukulius, we were just…"

"You were just?" Julius looked annoyed. Subaru wondered who he was truly angry at. At him, at the knights, or was it both of them?

"...We… We were just…." The knight whose hand was stopped stuttered, trying to think of excuses. "Yeah, we were just passing by and this Sin Archbishop was insulting us knights and… we were trying to put him in his place."

"Yeah, that's right!"

The three knights were desperately trying to defend themselves. And Julius was not falling for any of their excuses. He just wished they could let go of his hair already. It was already white, and he really did not want to grow bald. It was one of the two things he absolutely did not want in life, the other being eyeglasses.

He raised his hand trying to escape the grasp of the knight holding him. The knight noticed and pulled his hair harder, making Subaru grunt in pain.

"Let him go." Thankfully, Julius ordered and they reluctantly let go, clicking their tongue.

Subaru slumped on the ground, unable to stand up with all his injuries, but he was much more comfortable than he was with being held up like that. He fixed his hair while his eyes kept observing the four conversing in front of him.

"If the Sin Archbishop does something, inform us regarding it. Please refrain from any independent action in the future." Julius glared at them. He did not say anything, but the knights probably understood that it was their cue to leave. They clicked their tongues and left, all while glaring at Subaru, who was smiling at the outcome.

"You. What were you thinking?" An angry voice drew his attention away from the knights. He turned his head to meet the eyes of the purple-haired knight looking at him in indignation.

"Seriously? Not even an 'Are you alright?' or even a 'I hope you're not hurt.' For someone called the Greatest Knight, you sure don't seem to know proper etiquette. Keep blaming the victim, why don't you?"

"Silence!" Julius glared at him in anger. "Answer my question. For what purpose did you call out for me?"

"For self-defense obviously! Once they started, they were obviously not going to stop until they killed me." If Julius didn't get something as obvious as this, he was even dumber than Subaru thought.

"And you believed I would put a stop to it?"

"You did put a stop to it, so I wasn't wrong, was I?"

In one swift motion, Julius lifted Subaru by his collar and glared at him. "What are your intentions? What were you trying to achieve by ridiculing me this way?" Julius was furious.

Subaru frowned. "I don't think I can make a fool out of you any more than you already have. I mean you've been torturing an innocent man for… uh… how long has it been since I've been captured?" Subaru tilted his questionly.

Julius furrowed his brow. "T-Two months." He hesitated and clenched his teeth.

"Seriously!? Two months!? What's wrong with you? Did Sirius make you lose your brain cells too?"

"You were identified by the Great Spirit-"

"Just shut up!" Subaru commanded, and Julius's body jerked as he froze in place. His hands were still clutching Subaru's shirt but he was standing still in shock with his eyes widened. "'Great Spirit said this!' 'Great Spirit said that!' What's wrong with you people? Don't you know how to think for yourself once instead of relying on the words of a loli who had done nothing but sit in a library for four hundred years?"

"How dare you-" Julius tightened his grip but Subaru grabbed his wrists and stopped him.

"Let me explain to you why Beatrice's words are unreliable. First of all, Beatrice is a child." Subaru closed his right fist and opened his index finger. "She is knowledgeable but she has spent most of her life staring at the walls of a library. Any real experience or even connections she has made was only in the past one year. It's why no matter how old she gets, I still think of her as a child. I bet you didn't know that, did you?"

Julius just stared at him in shock. "Wh-" He began but Subaru gave him absolutely no chance to speak as he continued.

"Secondly, Beatrice is a spirit, not a human," Subaru opened his middle finger, now indicating two with his hands.

"Wha…?" Julius stared at Subaru's words. Of all the things Subaru could have said, Julius probably wasn't expecting that. "And how does it make her words unreliable?" He shook Subaru back and forth in anger and demanded an answer. "If anything, it-"

"This means that she has a very limited number of people she cares about and she would go to any lengths to protect them, even if it's not really the right thing to do. …Now that I think about it," putting a finger on his chin, Subaru smiled. "There's a certain cat-eared healer who's like that too, isn't he? So I guess it's not just limited to spirits."

Julius frowned. Subaru wondered what was going on through Julius's head at this moment but he didn't stop.

"Combine both along with Wrath's Authority dialing her anxiety to a hundred and you get why she made the impulsive decision to condemn me without once verifying if it's true. If I am a threat, she managed to subdue me. If I'm not… well too bad, but I'm none of her business, I suppose."

Subaru smiled to himself as he heard Julius gritting his teeth. He had a feeling that if he could get Julius alone, he could probably get him to listen, but Felix was always in the way. Taking advantage of this situation, he effectively killed two birds with one stone. He wondered if he could talk Julius into letting him go free.

"You have no proof that anything you say is true," Julius said, after a considerable amount of time.

"I'm a man with no 'Name' or history, Julius. I'm only whatever you make me. And you're the ones who made me a villain more and more everyday." Staring him dead in the eyes, Subaru answered while lifting his hand and one by one unwrapping the fingers that clenched his collar. He was met with no resistance as Julius's hands trembled.

"All of your thoughtless actions will come back to haunt you one day." Subaru fell down on the floor while Julius stood unmoving.

"You think you're strong enough to take revenge on-"

"That's funny! Revenge?" Subaru laughed, as Julius watched with perplexity. "Sure, the idea of revenge sounds appealing but just how much pain would I need to inflict on you for it to feel satisfying? Torturing you doesn't feel like it would be nearly enough and hurting someone close to you would be bad for me when they've done nothing wrong."

Subaru watched Julius take a single step back as he recognised the expression on his face as fear. It was hilarious to watch. The man with a sword and six spirits on his side was shirking away from someone who could hardly stand.

"Unlike you guys who have had no qualms humiliating me or my parents and everything I cared about… I'm going to be the bigger man here and just leave."

"Wha…"

"I'll just leave you to your fates. You see, fate can be more cruel and more…" Subaru paused, trying to think of the right word. "...More permanent, I guess, than any punishment I could dish out to you. I've been punished for being a weak naive idiot… so many times while everyone else goes away scot-free. It's unfair, right? It's a violation of my rights, isn't it?"

"..."

"So now, it's your turn. Don't you know, Julius… you reap what you sow. And as much as I would love to watch it in the front-row seat, I'm just going to leave. I want to have nothing to do with you anymore." Subaru leaned back against the wall, feeling satisfied having let everything out.

"...You speak as if you are innocent, but Ferris told me… you requested for Crusch-sama to come here again yesterday and you seem to know what afflicts her. You remember the victims of Gluttony too."

"How many times do I need to say it before it gets into your head?" Subaru felt annoyed the longer this conversation continued, even though he himself was the one who had set it up. He really thought he could finally get Julius to listen to him, but the arrogant bastard just couldn't seem to accept the fact he was wrong.

"I-don't-know. Is there any way I could convey it any more clearly? I said I might be able to help Crusch-san, although I doubt it's going to change her condition too much. And I don't know what caused it. I don't know why I remember the victims of Gluttony either."

Julius stood still with a frown on his face. He touched the bangs falling on his face and took a deep breath.

"I'll ask Ferris to consider bringing Crusch-sama down here."

The moment Julius spoke those words, Subaru's eyes widened and he leaned forward in shock. He didn't imagine it, did he?

"This will be the last time I come here. I have had enough of you."

"The feelings are mutual." Subaru replied without hesitation.

"I will leave the rest to Ferris and the Knight Commander. Whether they believe you and bring Crusch-sama here is up to them." With these last words, he shut the metal door and left.

Subaru was left alone again with the pool of blood and the stench of death surrounding him. He leaned back against the wall and he began laughing.

"Finally…."

A stream of tears began flowing down his cheeks. It was not much, but it was a change. If he continued to play his cards right, he might just finally get his freedom. If he messes up, he would get executed and restart from the beginning again. He cannot allow it to happen. From now on, he had to be careful.

He finally felt like he had a chance of making this end. He fell asleep crying tears of relief.

---

How long did Subaru wait for Reinhard, he didn't remember, but somewhere along the way, he gave up any hope of the Sword Saint coming to his rescue. Maybe Reinhard had given up on Subaru too, he thought.

So when he just arrived in his cell out of the blue that night, standing silently, looking like he was about to cry, Subaru couldn't help but feel shocked. It was the first time in months that someone had come to his prison cell and not immediately tried to beat him up or manipulate him.

And then Subaru remembered. Wasn't it the same night he had been executed by Julius in the second loop? He was that close to freedom back then? Was he the red light back then?

It was then that he learnt that Reinhard could literally never come to him because he was away on a journey. And while he was happy that Reinhard still believed in him, it was too late now. He was tired. He just wanted to be left alone.

But even after everything he said to try and drive him away, the red-haired knight still refused to give up on him. Making him feel a mix of frustration and…. happiness. He immediately cursed himself for feeling that way.

He did not want to go with Reinhard, but if he was willing to help, Subaru could certainly ask him to break off the restraints. Even if Julius had said earlier that day that he would talk to Ferris, there was no guarantee that Ferris would listen. And even if he did, who knew how long it would take for him to be exonerated. Subaru would be the biggest idiot in the world if didn't escape now. Subaru walked out alone, finally beginning to see an end to his misery.

If only he could walk faster, he could disappear from everyone's lives faster. He wanted to escape out alive. He did not want to return. His inner voice commanded him not to return. He would not be given another chance to escape again.

Moreover, Pandora hadn't bothered him in a long time and at least Julius was losing interest in him. It was the best possible outcome for him.

Once he had escaped, he would start his life over from zero. All his former relationships had been ruined and he had no intentions of salvaging it. He was tired of playing this sick game of hurt or being hurt.

Unfortunately for him, both Reinhard and the brown-haired knight had other plans in mind, refusing to let him leave so easily, as all his energy was drained and his body went limp.

—A forced rescue finally led to an unexpected end to his endless days of suffering.

---

"I don't know this ceiling."

As he opened his eyes, he was greeted with the sight of a room he had never seen before. But, it was definitely not the bloody prison cell he had been staying in since forever.

A dazzling white light source entered his eyes and he rubbed his eyes trying to adjust to the sudden illumination after being in the dark for so long. There was a broad ceiling with faintly glowing crystals attached to it and the light from the windows were lighting up the room's interior.

"I see you're finally awake. You've been asleep for an entire day." A familiar voice reached him from near the foot of the bed he was currently sleeping in.

His eyes widened and shot up from the bed immediately, recognising the voice. Glancing over in the direction of the speaker, "Reinhard?" Subaru stared in shock as the memories of that night began flowing into him.

"Please wait here. I'll go get Felt-sama." he said, walking out the guest room.

Subaru recoiled back as he watched Reinhard leave the room. While he was extremely grateful to have finally left that hellhole, he couldn't stay here with Reinhard. Subaru was a terrible person, and Reinhard and Felt shouldn't be forced to put up with someone like him.

"—Nghh…" He shifted on the king-sized bed in an attempt to stand up. When was the last time he had slept on a bed, he tried to remember. The room was bright and spacious and empty, with the bed being the only thing that occupied it. This environment felt overwhelming to Subaru, who had spent the last few months in a dark prison cell.

For the first time in months, Subaru stood up and walked on his feet with the distinct lack of pain in his body. He tripped and fell many times, but it didn't take him long to get used to it.

Several of his wounds had been healed and many were wrapped in bandages. While the wounds were not completely healed, it was certainly better than before. Whoever had healed him had done it to the best of their abilities. Not everyone was as good as Ferris.

He quickly shook his head, removing thoughts about those two from his head. He hated Julius and Felix so much because of what they had done, but Subaru hated himself just as much for being stupid enough to fall for Pandora's tricks. Therefore, he did not want to think anything of them. Even if by some miraculous turn of events his 'Name' were to return, he would want to have nothing to do with them.

His priority right now was leaving. If everything that had happened to him could happen once, it could definitely happen once again. So he wanted to be somewhere else, away from everyone. He had enough regrets for a lifetime.

The faint red glowing crystal and the light from the window told him it was noon. He glanced at the door with a dissatisfied sigh at the lack of control over his own life. If it was up to him, he would run away to a place where no one could reach him. Since he couldn't die, at least, he wanted to spend the rest of his life in peace. That was what he planned to do until Reinhard had knocked him out and brought him here.

He put his hand on the door and walked out into the corridor. The hallway was covered in warm colours he hadn't seen in a long time. A refreshingly cool breeze hit his skin, and the floor transferred the cold directly to his bare feet. All these pleasant sensations made drops of tears roll down his cheeks. He was finally free.

He wiped his tears with the back of his hand and told himself to stop celebrating just yet. He still had to leave this place. He honestly couldn't understand why Reinhard was so adamant in trying to save him. But he had to convince him to let him leave.

Walking through the corridor, he reached a balcony overlooking the garden, washed over with the golden glow of the sun. A cobblestone path connected the various areas of the garden filled with roses, tulips and other exotic varieties of flowers with the lawn and the gorgeous fountain with its soothing sounds of flowing water in the centre.

He stopped to lean over the railings and admire it. It had been a long time since he had seen anything lovely. The chirping of birds, the buzzing of bees, the gentle wind ruffling his hair were sensations he had missed so much.

There was an elderly man down, snipping and tending to the bushes with a large pair of gardening scissors. He was most probably the gardener. Subaru observed him going from one bush to another, cutting off overgrown branches.

"Do you like the garden, Dear Guest?" An unfamiliar voice spoke up all of a sudden beside him.

He turned around to see an elderly lady in an apron walking towards him. She gave him a respectful bow and he returned the gesture.

"I am Carol Remendis. The head maid of the Astrea Mansion." Her green eyes met his and she gave him a gentle smile. "The gardener there tending to the bushes is my husband, Grimm Fauzen. Did you like our garden, Dear Guest?"

"—Subaru."

Carol looked at him in confusion upon hearing him and he repeated, "My name is Natsuki Subaru. You can call me Subaru." He introduced himself. He really hated being called Dear Guest. It brought up bad memories for him. He hoped his feelings weren't too visible on his face.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Subaru-sama," she said. She walked to the railings and stood beside him to enjoy the tranquility of the garden.

"It's been a while since I was outside and the garden is really soothing and pretty. I just… stopped to look at it."

Carol smiled. "I will tell that to my husband then. He would be really happy to know someone admires his work."

Subaru bit his lips at Carol's words. Wasn't she going to address how Subaru, the suspected Sin Archbishop of Pride, was roaming around freely in the mansion without telling anyone?

"Uh….Carol-san? Did Reinhard…" Subaru hesitated. He felt scared of asking. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, he asked, "Did Reinhard not tell you who I am?"

"He did," she replied.

"Then don't you find me suspicious?" He asked as his grip on the railing tightened.

"I doubt a person who had walked out to just enjoy the beauty of a garden could be considered suspicious." She answered in a tone, light and matter-of-fact.

"I could just be lying and using it as a cover to investigate the mansion."

"If those were your intentions, I can see why you got caught by the knights. I would advise exercising discretion if you wish to evade capture," she said jokingly in a dignified manner, leaving him dumbfounded. "I believe we should return back to your room. Young Master and Felt-sama would be worried if they are unable to find you." She turned away and began walking back.

"Y-Yeah…." He mumbled out as he followed behind her. He glanced around the hallway uneasily, trying to make sense of what was happening. No one was hurting him or blaming him. So, he could not understand why he felt so uncomfortable in that place. Or was it that very reason he felt uncomfortable?

And then, "Bro, are you alright?" A familiar voice rushing towards him broke him out of his thoughts.

He turned his gaze ahead towards the voice and his eyes widened.

"Felt….." It was the same blonde girl with the scarlet eyes and prominent canines he had met on his first day in Lugunica, rushing to him in the hallway.

It had been a long time since he had last seen her and he would have been happier to see her again if it weren't for those eyes again. They were looking at him in concern. And yet, they were looking at him as if he were… a stranger.

It was the biggest reason why he didn't want to be rescued by Reinhard. Even if she didn't mean anything bad by it, it was something he simply could not avoid feeling.

"I'm sorry. Did we do something wrong?" Reinhard asked dejectedly beside her, with guilt evident on his face, upon seeing the frown on Subaru's face.

"No, I'm fine Reinhard. Thanks…." Subaru hesitated, cursing himself for even being unable to properly express his gratitude. He bit his lips as his face contorted into a frown. Despite being rescued, there was nothing making him happy at that moment.

"Big bro, are you really alright? If there's something wrong please tell us."

Subaru gulped as he prepared himself to ask what was on his mind. "I'm fine, so…." He felt… nervous. He just wanted some peace. They would understand, right? "Thanks for the help but…. I'm fine now…." With a long sigh, "Could I please leave?" He requested with his head down. He would have left on his own, but he did not want Reinhard chasing him down.

"..."

The moment they heard his question, the others gave troubled looks to each other. He looked at them pleadingly, and Felt began nudging Reinhard, trying to force him to speak up, but neither said anything.

With a sigh, "Subaru-sama, if you do not mind, could we move into the room before we have this conversation?" Carol came to their rescue.

Subaru nodded his head, and while they were heading inside, he was observing Felt and Reinhard, who had been given just enough time to discuss.

Once he had sat down on the bed, he looked up at Felt and Reinhard standing in front him apologetically.

Crossing her arms, she said, "Bro, I'm surprised you haven't tried to escape if you wanted to leave. I mean I would have."

"I want to." His face still facing Felt, his eyes drifted to Reinhard as he spoke. "I don't want a Reinhard shaped target on my back if I do."

Hearing his answer, Felt began laughing, while Reinhard frowned. "You're not wrong, big bro!"

"So? Can I leave?" Subaru asked once again, bringing them to the topic at hand once again.

"I'm sorry, Subaru. But I don't think you should." Reinhard apologized sincerely. "Please reconsider your decision."

"Reinhard, thanks for everything, but you've done more than enough. All I really wanted from you was to leave the door open so that I could walk out."

"Subaru, please try to understand. You are currently one of the most wanted men in Lugunica and you're injured. We cannot let you leave right away…. At least not until, it's safe for you."

"You really don't have to worry about me. I won't die. I can handle myse-" Subaru protested, but this time it was Felt who made him stop, going closer to him and patting his head, making his eyes widen in surprise.

"I get it. After everything that has happened, you probably want to start from a clean slate. I understand that." Folding her arms, Felt nodded at him, but he bit his lips and grimaced.

"No, you don't understand!" He scowled, as they looked at him in concern. "You have no idea how it feels to have all your connections with the people you love ripped apart."

Subaru's eyes began watering and he began sobbing. "I-I worked so hard, I tried my best, just so I would never have to go through it again…. I want to be grateful but I can't. I hate this feeling! I despise it! If I could jump off a cliff to fix all of this, I would. ….But it wouldn't change anything because they won't believe me. Emilia, Beatrice, Otto…. None of them believed me…!"

His nose was runny. His tears wouldn't stop. His weeping was harder to listen to with each passing moment. But once he had started, he could no longer control his emotions. How long ago was it when he had cried out like this, venting his feelings? He couldn't remember but he could no longer stop his rambling.

"Those memories that I held so precious…. they're gone for eternity and even if they return, it'll never be the same again. The girl I wanted to save…. I cannot even trust her even though she has done nothing wrong. Even now, you've helped me but I just can't feel happy about it because you don't know me! If this is how I'm going to feel for the rest of my life, I would rather stay away."

"Subaru…." Reinhard said in guilt, as Subaru sobbed in front of him. Looking very solemn, Carol had her head down.

And to break this gloomy atmosphere, "Big bro, are you an idiot?" Felt asked.

"Wha…" Subaru and the others looked at her in surprise.

"So what if we don't know you now? We'll just get to know you from now onwards."

"That's easy for you to say but-"

"Yes, it's easy for me to say! All this Gluttony and eating and 'Name' stuff, it's complicated for me and I don't want to think about it. What I do know is that you're a friend and you're in trouble. I'll be damned if I just let you leave like this." With her hands on her hips, Felt proclaimed firmly.

"You don't even know me? How can you even be sure I'm telling you the truth?" Subaru asked in dismay. He couldn't understand. This was ridiculous. They didn't know him, so why were they trusting him enough to actually bring him into their home? Even the Emilia Camp didn't trust him in the beginning and he had to work his hardest to earn their trust.

"Call it my intuition, but I don't think you're a bad guy, bro." Felt answered.

"Please give up, Subaru-sama. Felt-sama's intuition when it comes to assessing people is unmatched." Carol spoke up for the first time since they had entered the room.

"That's true, Subaru. I know you aren't lying. I know you are a friend. And I know you want to be saved. So please reconsider your decision and let us help you." Reinhard pleaded.

Subaru's lips quivered. He clenched his fists tightly trying to calm himself. "You'll regret it," he said. "Having me here. You don't know anything about me or anything about what I can do." Subaru warned, trying his best to hold back any more tears from coming out, but Felt was unbothered by it.

"I doubt that. I can guarantee there's nothing I'll regret more than participating in this stupid Selection." She answered with a toothy grin, leaving Subaru to be at a loss for words, while Carol and Reinhard smiled.

"So what do you say, bro?" She asked, giving him her hand.

Subaru glanced back and forth between her hand and her face. Despite the fact that she didn't remember him, the overfamiliar way she treated him brought him the moment of relief he had wanted for such a long time.

He sighed. Raising his hand reluctantly, he shook Felt's.

"—I'm Natsuki Subaru. ….Thank you for taking me in. I'll be in your care."

"Don't you worry, bro. From now on, you're going to see just how awesome we are. You'll never want to leave again."

---

Pain coursed through her body, waking her up from her sleep. After twisting and turning in her dreamless slumber, she woke up to an empty room once again. She tried to sit up, but the pain commanded her to do otherwise. And so she laid in bed, unable to sleep, unable to sit, unable to do anything.

It was no wonder that despite the fact that she hated laziness, for the past two months, she had grown to treasure the idea of sleep. She hated every moment she spent awake because it reminded her inadequacy, her ignorance and…. her loneliness.

She was a fully grown woman, and everyone around her had great expectations of her.

—But in her mind, she was only born a year ago.

She tried her best to fulfill all her duties to the best of her abilities as the expectations weighed down heavily on her. But in the end, she could never truly achieve her former self's glory to the fullest.

What everyone saw her to be and what she saw herself was a divide that only exacerbated her loneliness.

Thankfully though, her knight was always there for her, supporting her every step of the way. Even if she didn't remember, he made sure to not treat her any differently.

That did not mean she never saw the hurt in his eyes. But he was patient, he was supportive, and if she made a mistake, he kept cheering her on, reassuring her that in the end, she'll definitely succeed.

So, all she wanted was from him to be by her side as she fought against whatever it was that had afflicted her, and help her in her struggles to overcome her situation. With the two of them together, surely they could find a solution.

But for the past few days, she only saw him very few times a day, always coming to her room, smiling and teasing her and vowing to save her and then putting her to sleep.

She heard from the maids how he always came back with a bloodied uniform every single day. Yet when he came to greet her, his uniform was always brilliantly white. And every time he did, it pained her more and more.

The interrogations with the Sin Archbishop of Pride, if he even was a Sin Archbishop, had yielded nothing. So, it was obvious that he should stop dirtying his hands and come to her. Ask her for help.

With her Divine Protection, she might be able to help. She might be able to move the interrogation forward without any need for the senseless acts that her knight was engaging in. She did not wish for him to live in a way that brought shame on his soul.

But he refused her every time. He said he didn't want her anywhere near that disgusting thing. But frankly speaking, what had that person even done until now. Even if he had done something, there was no need for her knight to be involved in it. The others could do it too.

And she herself might be able to do something too. Just because she was bedridden does not mean she was weak. Her weakness was in her body, not in her soul. Hence, her knight should stop treating her as such.

As she was lost in her thoughts, the door to her room opened, and in walked her second retainer who had left for a perilous journey, also to save her.

"Crusch-sama. It's been a while, but I have returned." Wilhelm bowed, grief filling up his blue eyes.

"Wilhelm, you're back, I see. How was your journey?" She smiled gently. She rolled over to her side and put her arms down trying to push herself up but was unable to sit up properly to even greet him.

"Please don't, Crusch-sama. I am but a mere servant, you need not put so much effort for myself."

"But…."

"We will still be able to converse with you lying down."

She swallowed her frustration as she followed his advice and let her hands go limp, waiting for him to continue.

"I regret to inform you…. But we were unable to reach the tower." He gaze turned to the floor in shame, unable to meet her eyes.

"Don't look down. It was not an easy task from the beginning. If you have tried your hardest, you have nothing to be ashamed of." She reassured him. But while he lifted his head to gaze at her, her words did not seem to have had much of an effect.

"Crusch-sama, how have you been?" He asked, his hands brushed over the hilt of his sword, as if hoping he could slash the pain away somehow.

"I am fine, Wilhelm." She smiled slightly at his gestures, grateful for his concern, but he need not be. "I just feel restless having nothing to do all day. Maybe I should at least start doing paperwork again."

"I believe your doctor should be the judge of that."

Crusch forehead scrunched up on hearing Wilhelm's words. Even without asking him, she was certain Ferris would decline. She was happy that he cared so much about her, but sometimes, she wished he would let her make her own decisions.

"Incidentally, where is Ferris? I have not seen him since today morning."

"He has gone to check on Pride. He informed he will be back shortly."

Crusch frowned, making Wilhelm raise his brows as he looked at her inquisitively.

"Wilhelm, is it alright if I asked you a question?"

"What is it, Crusch-sama?"

"Do you truly believe the person captured is the Sin Archbishop of Pride?"

Wilhelm's brow furrowed upon hearing her question.

"I have yet to see him, but if the interrogation has not yielded any results even after two months, it makes me doubt…." Crusch continued, but trailed off, unable to find the correct words.

Wilhelm stood still for a while, his expression unreadable, and yet, he still seemed bothered by her question as his hand on the hilt of his sword wavered slightly. She hated questioning their claims like this, but it was necessary. If they had even the slightest doubts, it was better to cease their efforts then and there.

He let out a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes. Without the slightest hesitation, he answered, "I care not whether he is or he isn't Pride." The moment he spoke those words, Crusch's eyes widened. She felt anxious, but Wilhelm continued.

"However, if there is even the slightest chance of saving you, I am willing to take that chance. I believe Ferris feels the same." His eyes filled with pity, followed by a strained smile. She knew he was trying to bring peace to her heart, but it only made her grimace.

"In addition…"

"In addition?"

"His eyes…." He closed his eyes and trailed off, as he struggled to put his thoughts into words. After much thought, he opened his eyes and replied, "Those are the eyes of one who has crossed the boundary of death once, no…. several times, and returned. I know of no such being. Surely, such a being cannot be anything but trouble."

Crusch looked at him in confusion. It did not make any sense to her. But before she could ask him what he meant—

"I can't believe it!" An enraged Ferris slammed the door of her room open, startling her.

And the first thing she noticed was the dirt on his uniform. It wasn't sparkling white, but there was no trace of blood on it either. For the first time in what felt like a long time, she felt genuinely happy. She felt at peace.

"What happened, Ferris?" Wilhelm asked, raising his brows.

"We take our eyes off of him for one night, and he runs away!" He answered, hitting his fist on the wall in frustration.

"Ferris, calm down. What happened? Explain clearly." Crusch inquired.

"Pride escaped!"

Crusch gasped at the information while Wilhelm's face scrunched into a frown.

Ferris seemed clearly upset at this development. Crusch wanted to say something to comfort him, but nothing came out of her mouth.

She wondered…. Was she a bad person for feeling relieved for a moment that a person who may be a Sin Archbishop had escaped?

But doubts creeped up in her mind again if the person even was a Sin Archbishop. In all honesty, was it even possible to torture a Sin Archbishop for two months? Didn't they have reality-shattering abilities to the point that even Sword Saint Reinhard van Astrea had trouble with them?

"The guards were all useless! They were supposed to be watching him, instead they were all asleep! The door was unlocked and there is a blood trail leading to the forest. He couldn't have gone too far with those wounds. Old Man Wil, we need your help searching for him."

The elderly man had a neutral expression on his face. He gave a simple nod and exited the room without looking back.

"No, wait!" She called out, her voice more feeble than she had expected.

She did not want them to leave. And she did not want them to leave her out. All she wanted was for them to sit down and talk to her. She may be of more help than their wild goose chase.

"That Cultist definitely knows something! Crusch-sama, don't worry! Ferri-chan and the others will definitely catch him and save you." Ferris declared, with fierce determination in his eyes as he turned around to leave, and shut the door behind him.

"No…." Her voice quivered with sadness. "Ferris…. Please don't go."

---

Rewritten as of 10/03/2022.

Thanks a lot to Antic Master, Szouperman and Reactionist for beta reading this chapter.