A Dramatic Ridonculous Race

by The Legendary Dragon Reaper

With Chris McLean rotting in prison, it seems like the era of Total Drama has come to an end. However, numerous contestants flock to other shows, and some find themselves in yet another race around the world, and they'll make some new friends along the way. Some of them may even find love.

9. Hello and Dubai

(Hello and Dubai)

OmniIBIBUltraInstinctGodzilla (ch 5): Yeah well, I think it says a lot about someone when they can condition their body to move and react like that even when they're not conscious of it. Cameron isn't a slouch either, since even if he doesn't have any actual muscle, he has a lot of intelligence to put to good use. Also a Happy New Year to you too, as late as it is. Don't worry about how long you need, just take your time and do what you have to do. I appreciate getting any feedback at all on my stories. I'm not really sure what a fanfiction troll problem is, but I wish you the best of luck with it.

OmniIBIBUltraInstinctGodzilla (ch 6): Yeah, I tried to do justice to the Vegans and give them at least a little bit of closure, and if there was one team that could help them do that, it would be the Surfers, or at least someone similar to them, Bridgette in this case. You're right about the Adversity Twins, they have gone through a lot, but then again it is part of the name of their team, so I guess that's to be expected.

: Thanks, I'm glad to see you liked it. I know Mother & Daughter did come off as pretty annoying, but I thought they ran their course and didn't last as long as some of the other really annoying teams, aka the Daters. Just wait, I think I've made it clear by now that Geoff does have some pretty big plans for Bridgette once the race is over, but yeah you're gonna see a fair amount of reactions when that happens. Also yeah, Emma and Noah being a thing was one of the best parts of the season overall, and I'm gonna do my best to earn it justice.

SuperSonicHeroes: Thanks, I'm glad to see you liked it. You do make a pretty fair point, being in last place would make Kelly's revelation more impactful. I do enjoy doing different interactions with various members of each team, such as Bridgette and Carrie, and yeah Noah is basically the ultimate roaster of the Total Drama franchise. Good to see you caught on what Geoff said at the end of the race, I was wondering how many people were going to pick up on that, seeing how I've been dropping hints of that here and there throughout the story. Lightning's explanation about the school budget was something I thought of at the last second, but I'm glad to see you approve of its inclusion.

OmniIBIBUltraInstinctGodzilla (ch 7): I didn't enjoy getting rid of the Fashion Bloggers either, but it had to be done for the sake of the story, and there are plenty of others out there that do them the justice they deserve. And yeah, fez hats are awesome. Yep, for Cameron and Lightning, their time in the race is just getting started.

Cody Fanatic: Thanks, I'm glad to see you liked it. I enjoy doing the interactions between various members of each team, and I do find the confessionals to be rather tedious at times, at least in this season anyway. I wasn't sure how to explain Lightning suddenly getting smarter, but as long as you and the others think it's okay, I won't stress over it. As for Kelly and Taylor, I do have at least one idea for their subplot, though I doubt it will really change much about it in the grand scheme of things, but I guess we'll have to wait and see. They're not one of the more well-liked teams, but they are better than the twins from Pahkitew Island. Actually they're better than almost everything in Pahkitew Island (with Shawn and Jasmine being the only real exceptions).

OmniIBIBUltraInstinctGodzilla (ch 8): Yep, if there's one character in Total Drama that you can trust to roast someone without hesitation, it would have to be Noah. Lightning has become a lot more mellow after his confession in Transylvania, which is to be expected. Having that kind of pressure being taken off of you can lift a lot of weight off your shoulders. I do enjoy writing out the interactions between Bridgette and Carrie, and I'm glad to see my headcanon of the two of them being twin sisters was well-received. Yes Noah is sarcastic, and the other Total Drama veterans would be shocked that he has an interest in someone else, and I'm loathed to mention this part, but there is a certain rumor regarding him and Cody that's been floating around for a good long while that would add to it. I know it was a non-elimination round, but given that there are 18 teams in a season made of 26 episodes, it is kind of necessary. Kelly calling Taylor out on her crap was long overdue as well, and we'll see how that plays out next chapter.

Joel Connell: Thanks, I'm glad to see you liked it. I do have at least one idea for the whole thing with Mother & Daughter, though I don't really plan on changing it up too much, but we'll see how it turns out. I would think about Leshawna beating the crap out of Taylor, but keeping in mind that we're talking about Leshawna, that would likely be way too brutal. As for Kelly and Dwayne, I do have something in mind for the two of them, also noting that Dwayne wasn't wrong. Either way I do have some ideas for the next chapter, and I hope that you enjoy them.

Frosty Wolf: I know what you mean about Kelly and Taylor. That sort of thing isn't easy, but even so, there are times when it is necessary. Also I personally appreciate a good sense of optimism from anyone, especially in the intense times we live in now.

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"Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our 13 remaining teams helped themselves to a blistering stroll along the tropical shores of the paradise that is Hawaii. Geoff and Bridgette, our resident favorite surfer couple, showed some hardcore love as they managed to claim first place, whereas a certain high strung ice dancer girl lost her old good luck charm and found a new one, though it might not be as lucky as she thinks. Cameron and Lightning put their newfound teamwork to the test, and Mother & Daughter came in last, during which Kelly told Taylor that she's not actually as chipotle as she thought she was, which was really long overdue when you think about it, but they were spared thanks to the fact that a certain someone made it a non-elimination round. You could just see the joy they had radiating off their faces. In any case, it's time for the madness to continue anew, because it's time for the next exciting installment of… the Ridonculous Race!"

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One intro later…

"Here we are again." once the intro was over, Don started off the new episode in front of the Chill Zone from the day before "Allow me to welcome all of you back to the Ridonculous Race, where our 13 remaining teams of racers are ready to say aloha to Hawaii, and aloha to our next exciting location for this leg of the race. Get it, it's funny because aloha means both hello and goodbye. Our winners from yesterday's race, in this case Geoff and Bridgette of the Surfers, have earned the right to take the first travel tip of the day."

"Aw yeah, first place here we come!" Geoff and Bridgette quickly rushed onto the scene, and the former's expression lit up with excitement "I gotta be honest with ya babe, I don't know which part of it is crazier. The part where we came in first place, or the part where we didn't come in last place. Pretty deep isn't it?"

"Yeah well, let's just make sure it stays that way." Bridgette gave Geoff a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing the tip out of the Don Box "Huh, looks like we're not leaving tropical paradise just yet."

"So we're staying in Hawaii? Awesome!"

"Actually it says we're going to Dubai."

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"Like the smart one between the two of them said, they're going to Dubai, which happens to be an oasis of luxury, full of man made islands and a mall so big that even the biggest of shopaholics and teenagers can get lost inside of it. Once they land at the airport, the teams will have to take a bus to the Burj Al Arab, the only hotel in the world with seven stars, to find the Don Box that holds their next tip.

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One fairly short cab ride later…

"There he is!" it didn't take long for the frontrunner teams (the Surfers, Best Friends, Ice Dancers, Reality TV Pros, Sisters and Brains & Brawn) to make their way to the airport, and then literally crash to the front of the ticket line "Dubai please, we got a race to win!"

"Uh…" the ticket clerk checked his computer "Flight leaving now time, 12 seat. The rest of you go on next flight." he was met with a series of cheers from the frontrunner teams.

It was around this time that Dwayne and Junior reached the line behind the rest of the teams "Oh yeah now we're talking, looks like we made it. First flight here we come!"

"Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure about that." Junior let out a sigh "Count again dad, the guy said 12 seats on the first flight."

"What do you mean, there's 1… 2… Oh come on!"

"Well that's just great, now we're already tied for last place."

"You shouldn't count us out of the game just yet kiddo, last time we ended up on the first flight and it ended up getting delayed remember?"

"Yeah I know, but how did it get delayed again?"

"...You had to bring that up didn't you?"

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"While the last 7 teams to arrive at the airport are forced to wait for the next flight out, the first 6 teams are about to start their own flight to Dubai, which happens to hold the most opulent first class section in the world. The only downside is, its reserved for winners only. Let me put it this way for those of you that don't understand. Since Geoff and Bridgette were the ones to come in first yesterday, that means they get it all to themselves. I think you guys all know what they plan to do with that piece of information."

"CANNONBALL!" Geoff burst toward the hot tub and did a cannonball that ended with him landing in a mighty splash, blowing his hat off in the process "Holy crap babe, this is so freaking awesome!"

"I know what you mean, and what's best is that we get it all to ourselves. But for the time being however…" she held up a plate "You want a cookie?"

"Oh, may we-" Jacques was cut short by the flight attendant shoving him out of the doorway to the economy class.

"I… I guess when they say winners only, they mean winners only."

"Yep." Geoff downed a cookie, then turned back to face Bridgette "You wanna make out?"

"Absolutely." I'll give you one guess what the two of them did next.

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Meanwhile, with the gold-obsessed lunatics…

"God dammit!" as is to be expected by now, Josee was pretty much left foaming at the mouth with rage over their placement "That hot tub should belong to us, how in the hell did we manage to come in third place again!? It's as my mother always told me, bronze is nothing more than the medal of failure! But you need not worry mama, because our luck is about to change." to prove this point, she pulled out her new lucky lava rock "And I have this treasure to thank, for finishing what Bun Bun wasn't able to."

"Excellent, that means that our luck is bound to improve now!" Jacques received his answer in the form of all the luggage in the overhead compartment directly above him falling out and crushing him in a comical fashion "Ow, ow ow, oh wow that is point- Ow!"

"Oh. Well anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, insane monologuing. Forged from the fires of molten lava from the heart of Hawaii itself, this stone that I hold in the palm of my hand embodies my fiery determination to win!" and so she let out a series of insane cackles.

"I believe you mean our determination to win right?"

"What? Oh yeah sure, whatever you need to help you sleep at night."

"Good, now can you help me up please?"

"You're a man, suck it up and get back on your feet."

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"Both of the scheduled flights are heading for Dubai, with the first flight departing a full hour ahead of the second flight. It's going to be a quick flight, at least that's what I was led to believe before doing this because nobody told me it was going to be a full 17 hours. Well in any case, that gives the teams plenty of time to rest and enjoy each other's company for the time being."

"Yep, this is just typical…" Noah let out a sigh from where a certain tremendous weight was in the middle of crushing him in his seat "I know the sign is telling me to fasten my seatbelt, but stuff like this makes me wonder why I should even bother."

"Hey it could be a lot worse." as it turns out, Owen was the one crushing Noah by sitting on top of his lap "At least it's cozy."

"You call it cozy, I call it suffocating with an incredibly unhealthy of potentially toxic fumes."

"Come on little buddy, you know that frying still freaks me out. I mean I would squeeze Beary like my life depended on it to get me through this, but…"

"But you ate him when we were on the flight to Brazil, and instead you squeezed me so hard that I still have a little bit of trouble breathing because of it."

"Yep, but now I get to squeeze my little buddy instead!"

"You touch me and I will nurple you so hard it makes what that bear did to you during the triple dog dare challenge look like a teddy bear did it." that promptly stopped Owen from making any sort of movements, other than sliding into the seat next to Noah "Now that's more like it. Now if only I could do something about the stench of noxious fumes."

"Well it is me we're talking about."

"I know."

"So… you gonna want the window seat?"

"Uh… you know what, I think I'm gonna pass on that one."

"Really, how come?" Owen looked over to see the Sisters sitting in the seats across from them, with Emma being the one in the aisle, and he suddenly gave a wide grin "Yeah, because that sure is a big change for you little buddy. I mean you always want the window seat, so I can't help but wonder why you would want to stay there instead."

"Becuase that way I have a better chance of escaping from your noxious fumes." Noah shot him a scowl as he buried his face in a magazine.

"You sure that's the reason?"

"I'm sure that I can and will nurple you."

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Meanwhile, with the Sisters…

"So here's what I'm thinking." Kitty glanced over at Emma "I know what you said before, but I was thinking we should try and form an alliance with one of the other teams. Maybe a few guys like, oh I don't know, Noah and Owen."

"You can't be serious about this." Emma let out a loud scoff "Do you have any idea just how much trouble I have keeping you in line as it is, and you expect me to go along with having a whole other team to worry about? That would mean I wouldn't be able to ride her as much."

"I fail to see the problem with that. Either way, I think we really need an alliance."

"And I think we really don't. Besides, Noah is nothing but a snarky know it all. Do you have any idea what it would be like to be stuck with someone like that?"

"I can't imagine." she was met with a dirty look from Emma "But don't forget that these guys are pros, it's literally in the name of their team, so they know what's what."

"Uh huh. You sure about that?"

"Okay come on, I've almost got this thing in the…" as it turns out, Owen was trying and failing to strap himself into his seat, and then he ended up letting out a loud fart that caused Noah to scream, the Sisters to recoil in disgust, and the alarm to blare "Oops. That one's on me."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure they could tell from the noxious fumes, and that's about all I can take from you right now. So guess what, I'm gonna go and hang out around the toilet where it somehow smells better than you." Noah promptly made his way out of the seat and found Emma standing right in front of him, and the two of them locked eyes and smiled "Hey."

"Hey." was all she could say.

"So… you wanna take this somewhere that smells better?"

"Yeah, that sounds kind of nice actually."

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Meanwhile, on the second flight…

"STEWARDESS!" Jay was rapidly pushing the button on his armrest in a frenzy "The altitude we're at right now is giving my brother a nosebleed to go with his inner ear infection. How much longer is it going to be before we land?!"

"We're still on the ground, now quit whining." Taylor shot a dirty look at the Adversity Twins, which effectively shut them up "Yeah, now let the rest of us hear ourselves think." and so she sat back down in her seat, scowling as she usually did.

"Nice job honey, I like how you handled that so well." Kelly told her.

"Oh gee thanks, am I gonna get another fake trophy in the mail for it?" note how her tone was pretty much oozing sarcasm.

"Taylor I'm sorry, I feel terrible about what I said before."

"Oh is that right, well then all is forgiven. Psyche, that means it isn't. Anyway you're crowding me and I need some space, I'm giving you a time out."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that-" she was cut off when Taylor began holding her breath, which caused her to sigh "Okay then, go ahead and get some space." and so she made her way up the aisle until she came across where Father & Son were sitting "Uh hi there, this seat isn't taken is it?"

"What? Uh no, no it isn't." Dwayne was quick to start fumbling over himself "But I'm definitely taken, that is to say that I'm married."

"She's not into you dad." Junior told him dryly.

"Really? Oh, sorry about that."

"No problem." Kelly gave a shrug as she satdown next to them "I just have a few things of my own to worry about."

"Problems with your daughter?"

"More or less. It all started back when Taylor was…"

"Ah." Dwayne leaned back towards Junior, his voice low "Think about this for a second pal, if we can play our cards right then this could turn out to be our first alliance. What do you think, a pretty cool idea isn't it?"

"What are you kidding, have you met these people?" Junior shot him an incredulous look "I know kids in my class that have egos the size of the Empire State Building, and even they're nowhere near as bad as this."

"Oh come on I think you're exaggerating, they can't really be that bad."

"And I guess I shouldn't have told her the truth." Kelly finished her story and drew Dwayne's attention back to her "At least not in the way that I did. So what do you think about that?"

"Well we are the parents, so our opinions usually mean a lot to the kids. I remember this one time that Junior made pancakes for Mother's Day but I told him they were overdone, and then he almost cried about it. Okay I was the one that almost cried, he just made another batch and they actually turned out pretty well."

"I know how that feels, I had the exact same thing happen with Taylor a few years ago, except back then I was the one that was making pancakes for her, and then she threw them at me, the same with the pan too. I still have the scar to prove it."

"...Oh. Wow. Well kids can be that way at times. I think."

"Yep. Good times."

"I don't know if I'd call that good."

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Meanwhile, on the first flight…

"You gotta be kidding me…" Kitty and Owen glanced down the aisle to see Noah and Emma both engaged in a surprisingly happy conversation "They're both so snarky and full of themselves, it's like they're supposed to be soul mates."

"So how the heck are they not a couple yet?" Owen shot her a raised eyebrow.

"You can thank Emma for that, she's still hurting from the last guy that broke up with her."

"Ouch, is it still fresh?"

"Not really, it was like three years ago."

"Oh. Huh."

"Yeah tell me about it, I think it's safe to say that getting the two of them together is gonna take a fair amount of work from both of us. You up for it?"

"Count on it, anything for my little buddy." the two of them fist bumped.

"Hey speaking of which, how are things going with you and Izzy? I know you guys had a falling out during Total Drama World Tour."

"You saw that?"

"Everyone saw it."

"Oh. No we're okay now, I mean now we are. After that aftermath episode we saw down and had one of those feelings talks, like the ones where we're super serious and deep about the stuff that really matters, and she agreed to tone down on the crazy a little bit. I didn't really mind it that much anyway, just the part where she kicked me in the kiwis."

"So you two are kind of back together?"

"Sort of. We got married."

"Well as long as- You what?!"

"Yeah, me and Noah went on a show in Vegas last year, Izzy tagged along, we found this little place and we figured why not?"

"...Okay then." Kitty promptly sat back down in a stupor and pulled out her phone "Owen and Izzy eloped? Man the fans are gonna go nuts over this."

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"The first flight has finally landed in Dubai, and the six teams that were on board are now being taken on a shuttle bus to the Burj Al Arab hotel, where they'll find the Don Box waiting for them with their next set of instructions."

"There it is!" Noah was the first one to reach the Don Box set outside the hotel, and he promptly grabbed slammed the button and pulled out a tip "Looks like it's another Either/Or challenge, and it says either serve or squeegee. Whatever the hell that means."

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"As Noah said, this is another Either/Or challenge. In this case, the teams can either return one serve each from the Tennis Menace, the toughest ball launcher in the world, which for some reason is designed to look like one of the Daleks from Doctor Who, or wash an entire column of windows on the side of the hotel, starting from the top and going all the way down to the bottom. I personally was unsure about going through with this challenge, but apparently legal cleared this one, which honestly shocked me more than anyone. In any case though, the first group of teams have arrived at the hotel, and now they have a choice to make."

"Either/Or challenge huh?" Geoff shared a look with Bridgette "I'm voting for the serve, you cool with that babe?"

"Squeegee it is, now let's get moving already!" Noah and Owen promptly took off into the hotel, with the other teams following close behind them.

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"Just like that, the Surfers are the first ones to take on the Tennis Menace. And seriously, it's almost exactly like a Dalek from Doctor Who. It even says "Participate! Participate!" over and over again too."

"Holy crap man, that's totally a Dalek!" Geoff was quick to step up to the plate as he pulled out a tennis racket "This is gonna be an easy one."

"You sure you got this one?" Bridgette called out to him.

"Trust me babe, I've got this one in the bag. Tennis is like the ultimate wimp sport, I mean there's no checking and no tackling and there's just this little ball. It's like a bigger version of ping pong, I mean what the heck could be dangerous about that?"

"You sure about that?"

"Totally, I've so got this!"

"Participate." the Dalek was quick to prove Geoff wrong by hurling a torrent of tennis balls in his direction "Participate."

"Holy crap, I so don't got this!" and so Geoff promptly ran away screaming, not that anyone could blame him for it.

"Okay so… that's happening right now." Devin watched as Geoff ran away from the scene, then turned his attention over towards Carrie "Okay I know you're scared, I mean you'd have to be crazy not to be scared of that thing. But whatever happens out there, just know that I have nothing but faith in you."

"Alright, if you have faith in me then I'll give it a shot." Carrie took a breath and stepped up to the plate in front of the Tennis Menace, her racket in hand.

"Anyway I've been watching Shelly play tennis for awhile now and she hangs out with her private instructor like all the time, and from what she's told me it's more of a mental game."

"Wait what-" Carrie ended up being distracted by the mention of Shelly, which led to her racket being knocked right out of her hand "Aw man."

"Hey think of it this way blondie, it could've been-" Lightning didn't get to finish his sentence before a tennis ball suddenly nailed him in the crotch "-something like that." and so he promptly fell over and started squealing in agony.

"Are you okay?"

"No… not really…"

"Oh… sorry about that…" she was met with a hand waving it off amidst the squeals of pain.

"You okay sis?" Bridgette made her way up to Carrie and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, only to let out a terrified yelp "You know what, I'm thinking that maybe we should do the whole comforting thing a little bit further back. And out of range of that thing." and so the two of them promptly rushed away from the machine.

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Meanwhile, on the second flight…

"Well that's it isn't it?" Kelly continued telling Dwayne about the ridiculously large number of problems that she was having with Taylor "Anyway, after she went ahead and crashed her third sports car, I wanted to just up and and cut up her credit card then and there, but I knew that she would just end up stealing mine instead, but that's just parenting isn't it?"

"Yeah well, the teenage years have a lot of drama than most of them, I know I'm not looking forward to when Junior hits those years." Dwayne gave a simple shrug as he downed a glass of water.

"Teenage years? Oh no you misunderstand me, this all happened when she was 10. The real drama came around the time she turned 12." and tat was enough to earn a spit take "What?"

"Okay, I think that's enough of that. Look Kelly, I think the biggest problem here with Taylor is that she doesn't have any proper boundaries. You need to set some limits with her."

"You think so?

"I know so. If you let the kids do whatever the heck they want, then they're gonna run totally wild and crazy, and they're never gonna be able to grow and mature as people. There's only one thing you can really do now is put your foot down before it's too late, or it's something you're going to end up regretting for the rest of your life."

"Maybe, but… I don't want her to be mad at me."

"She probably will no matter what you do, but you have to keep in mind that what you're doing is for the best."

"I… I'll think about it. Thank you for the talk." Kelly let out a sigh as she stood up and walked away from the scene.

"You know, I'm starting to think that maybe Kelly and Taylor might not be the best team for us to try and form an alliance with."

"I could've told you that." Junior shot him a dull look, then gave a raised eyebrow "But I've gotta admit that I'm kind of surprised, I figured you would've just flat out said she was born rotten or something."

"Oh the thought definitely crossed my mind, but I figured that one parent oughta help another out if they can. You oughta keep that in mind sport."

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Meanwhile, at the hotel…

"Oh boy…" Owen looked down at the ground below from their place on the roof of the hotel, which just so happened to be a ridiculously long way down "Well it could be worse, at least we're not on a plane this time."

"And at least this place isn't a death trap. Probably." Noah commented dryly.

"Yeah that's true- Oh hey, take a look at who's coming over!"

"Hey guys!" this was when Kitty and Emma showed up, the former pretty much dragging the latter behind her "Well what do you know, it looks like the two of us ended up picking the same challenge as the two of you. What are the odds?"

"Oh that gives me an idea, maybe the four of us could work together for this one."

"That actually sounds like a good idea- I say we-"

"Thanks but no thanks, we have work to do." Emma promptly grabbed onto Kitty by the arm and dragged her away "I thought I told you before, we're not making any alliances remember? We both agreed-"

"More like you agreed and never let me have any input-"

"-that we're here to win a race, not make friends and go skipping down the Yellow Brick road all sunshine and rainbows. That means no surrender and Noah distractions."

"Did you just say Noah?"

"Zero distractions, read too much into that and I'm telling mom about that secret stash you keep hidden under your bed!"

"You swore you wouldn't tell anyone about that!"

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"Now that the second flight has landed and the last seven teams have arrived, the heat is officially on, and the race has truly begun."

"Okay, there we go." Owen wiped away some sweat as he finished squeegeeing a window "This is harder than I thought it would be, but at least we're making good progress. How many did we do?"

"That's just one." Noah told him dryly "And you used up like half our water."

"Hey come on, I can't help how much the squeegee soaks up!"

"It didn't soak it up, you drank it."

"I was thirsty!"

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Meanwhile, with the Sisters…

"Okay, snap the selfie and…" Kitty snapped another selfie on her and Emma's platform, only to recoil from a strong wind blowing past them "Okay, I'm starting to think that this is a lot more scary than dealing with that tennis Dalek."

"Forget about that for now, just help me lower this thing." Emma told her.

"Do we even know how to?"

"According to the instruction manual they gave us, the sides are designed to move separately from each other, so we have to pull both of the levers at once in order to make it even out."

"Why would they design it like that?"

"Probably for the same reason they put a tennis court on the roof of a hotel that's about 1000 feet into the air, because they're idiots. Now pull on the stupid thing!" the two of them both pulled on their levers, but this quickly went south when it led to them hanging onto the side of their platform for dear life.

"...Well that could've gone better."

"I'm going to go ahead and say that was your fault."

"Of course you are."

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"The teams from the second flight have boarded the bus and arrived at the hotel in time to catch up with the frontrunners, so now things are really heating up."

"It's an Either/Or, do we serve or do we squeegee?" Kelly and Taylor were the first to reach the Don Box and get a tip, but once they looked up and saw Emma and Kitty hanging on for dear life, the two of them, along with many of the other teams, reached the same conclusion "Serve."

"Yep, serve it is." Jay shared a look with Mickey as the two of them followed after the rest of the teams inside "I think the two of us should be feeling pretty good about this challenge. I mean sure I am allergic to felt and watching a moving ball can give you motion sickness, but it's still better than having to deal with heights."

"Yeah, I still get life-threatening nosebleeds when we're too high up." Mickey shuddered at the thought for a moment "But it could be worse."

"Exactly, for the first time since we entered this race I feel like we actually have as much of a chance of winning as anyone else!"

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A few minutes later, on the roof…

"Participate." the Tennis Menace aimed and prepared to fire as the rest of the teams arrived on the rooftop.

"Hey check it out, my nose isn't bleeding!" Mickey's face lit up with joy… only to immediately be hit in the face with a tennis ball and sent crashing to the ground "Ow…"

"Let me guess, you're getting a nosebleed again?"

"We'd like to thank everyone that got involved with the show… Bye…" and then another groan of agony.

"Yep, that answers that question."

"You guys gonna be okay?" Trent shot them a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah we've dealt with a lot worse than this, but we're gonna stick with tennis. The big problem with squeegeeing is that we can't stand the streaking noises. I mean seriously, for us it's like a pair of spongey nails grinding against a chalkboard made of glass."

"Oh trust me I get it, I remember this one time when-" Trent didn't get the chance to finish his sentence before the Tennis Menace nailed him in the crotch with a tennis ball, leaving him on the ground in a heap of pain right next to Lightning "Ow…"

"Holy crap, that thing is totally awesome!" Junior's face lit up with glee as he prepared to make his way forward, only to be stopped by Dwayne grabbing him by the shoulder "What?"

"Yeah, I think we're gonna be switching to the windows." Dwayne told him flatly.

"I think we're going to do the same." Kelly gave a simple nod of agreement.

"Why what's the big deal mom, you know I've won like a bajillion tennis trophies so there's no way that-" Taylor cut herself short when she noticed the nervous smile Kelly was giving her, to which she let out a scream of frustration "Are you (bleep) kidding me? God it's like you just live to ruin my life!"

"Oh sacre bleu, would you please be silent?" Jacques was quick to lose his patience from where he was trying to "I'm trying to concentrate!"

"Yeah sure, good luck with that one dude." Devin was quick to wave him off.

"You don't sound convinced."

"It's nothing personal, but I've been watching my girlfriend play tennis for a few years now, and believe me when I tell you that it's a lot harder than you might think it is."

"Well, I believe we shall see about that soon enough." so Jacques took a breath, and then in one swift movement he struck the tennis ball and sent it hurtling in the direction of the sun. And then he gave a pose and a thumbs up "You were saying?"

"...You know what, I think I'm just gonna go ahead and shut up now."

"Probably for the best. Now watch what comes next, you may end up learning something for yourself."

"In other words, step aside you peasant and let the true winner show the world what she's really capable of!" Josee stormed her way up to the front and planted a kiss on her lava rock as she prepared to make her move against the Tennis Menace, only to find a pigeon resting on top of her head, which caused her to miss her shot "Wait a second, that shot was interfered with by one of the flying rats! I demand a do over!" her demand was met with a tennis ball to the head that knocked her to the ground with a loud thud.

"...Oh this isn't good."

"Is this gonna be bad?" Devin shot him a raised eyebrow.

"When things don't go her way, Josee becomes the physical embodiment of pure and unbridled girl anger. Any smart man will fear it." Jacques promptly rushed over to Josee and picked her up in his arms "Josee listen to me, we'll have to withdraw from this challenge. We're never going to make the podium if we have to wait in the line up here, so I think it would be best if we switch to windows."

"Fine, if we have to." Josee breathed a sigh "But let me tell you now, after we win this race I am going to throw a massive tantrum."

"If you must then I'll support you."

"You say that like it's so nonchalant." Devin shot a quick glance over at Jacques.

"Tantrums actually run in her family. There was this one time I was late picking up Josee from her practice, and then her mother attacked me with a lamp. I still have the scar too."

"I don't miss that lamp either." Josee grumbled.

"The same goes for your mother."

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Meanwhile, with the window washers…

"Okay, so far so good." Dwayne wiped away some sweat as he and Junior continued working on the window in front of them "Okay now keep in mind sport, the trick to proper squeegeeing is that you have to"

"Use the squeegee to wipe the window?" Junior guessed, his tone dry.

"...Yeah that's about the sum of it."

"Cool." and so the two of them went back to wiping the windows.

"You're a fast learner."

All the while, Kelly was watching Father & Son interact from her place on her own balcony, and she let out a sigh "Maybe Dwayne is right. I mean Taylor has been a bit of a handful lately, and truth be told she always has been, but that doesn't mean she-"

"Enough of your crap already mom." Taylor was quick to snap her out of her musings "Get moving with this already, these windows aren't going to wash themselves."

"Right I'm on it, and that was a good call on your part honey."

"Of course it was a good call, why the (bleep) do you think I said it?"

"You know working on challenges like these can be good for the two of us. You and I are always so busy with our every day lives back home."

"We both know that I'm a lot busier than you are, but I try to squeeze you in."

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Meanwhile, on the roof…

"Oh yeah, now this is gonna be good." Lightning took a breath as he pulled himself to his feet and got into a ready stance "Okay, I'm ready."

"Are you sure you're going to be alright?" asked Cameron "You took a rather painful blow directly to your…"

"Don't remind me. Anyway, what do you call it after something bad happens to you, but then something good that makes you feel a lot better?"

"Catharsis?"

"That's the thing yeah. On behalf of catharsis, LIGHTNING STRIKES!" and so with a comical roar, he swung his racket and struck the oncoming tennis ball with enough force to send it hurtling straight back into the Tennis Menace and send it hurtling right off the platform, and then he let out a loud sigh "That one was for the crotch shots. Not gonna lie, feeling pretty good about myself right now."

"Becuase you hit that thing off a building?" Trent shot him a raised eyebrow.

"Because I got payback for that thing nailing me in the crotch. And you too."

"...Fair enough." the two of them shared a quick fist bump.

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Meanwhile, on one of the window washer platforms…

"Alright, just get this side over herer and-" Emma was cut off when the Tennis Menace suddenly landed on their platform and began sparking with electricity "Uh… so is this supposed to be part of the challenge?"

"Participate." the Tennis Menace gave its answer in the form of launching a barrage of tennis balls at the two of them with the speed and ferocity of bullets, leaving Kitty to bat them away using her squeegee in a terrified frenzy, which she did with surprising levels of ease.

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me, why the (bleep) didn't we choose tennis?!" this ended up going downhill incredibly fast when one of the tennis balls ended up hitting the level on one side, which led to Emma dangling in mid air and holding on for dear life "Oh god oh god, Kitty help!" and then she started falling to hear supposed death, leaving her to shut her eyes as she screamed in terrified anticipating of the inevitable, only to open her eyes when nothing happened "Okay… so not that I'm complaining or anything, but why the (bleep) am I still alive?"

"You can thank me for that." as it turns out, Noah had caught her by the arm to keep her from falling to her death, leaving the tennis menace to hit the ground with a loud crash on its own "So is this the part where I'm supposed to make some stupid cheesy one-liner?"

"Uh… I'm okay with either…" the two of them looked at each other and locked eyes, and both of them began blushing a deep shade of red.

"Yeah… cool…" Noah promptly snapped out of his stupor and helped Emma onto their platform, then leaned over towards Owen, his voice low "You ever have one of those moments where you realized that you'd care if someone died? I didn't until just now."

"Wow little buddy, that… that was so beautiful…" Owen promptly started tearing up.

"Okay sentimental (bleep) is over, don't make it any weirder than it has to be."

"Emma!" this was when Kitty leapt down from her platform and landed on theirs with a surprising amount of gracefulness, and she promptly pulled Emma into a bear hug "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, and apparently I have Noah to thank for that." Emma leaned towards Kitty, her voice low "Okay, so I guess he's not the worst human being in the world."

"Wow, that actually might be one of the nicest things you've ever said."

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Meanwhile, with the gold diggers…

"There, now rotate me a little bit to the right and…" Josee was moved around a bit while being carried by Jacques as she wiped down the window in front of them, only to be met with a local on the other side holding up a scorecard "There we go, a solid 10/10!"

"A man with taste I see." Jacques gave the local a nod of gratitude "Just because a task may appear to be menial does not mean that we get to skip out on artistic impression."

"Of course. The goal we're aiming for is to achieve greatness, and then greatness is going to be thrust upon us as a result."

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Meanwhile, on another platform…

"Dammit, this is getting us nowhere!" Taylor was quick to lose her patience with the challenge, and in typical fashion she would take it out on someone else "For the love of (bleep) mom, would it kill you to wipe the stupid thing faster? We're losing!"

"I'm trying sweetie, but yelling isn't going to help." Kelly was left gritting her teet to try and keep herself calm, which wasn't working out as well as she would've liked.

"Hey I'll have you know that I yell at the maid all the time, and you know what she does? She wipes faster, so I think I know what I'm doing."

"I'm not a maid."

"Maybe not, but you sure as hell dress like one."

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Meanwhile, on the rooftop…

"Looks like that thing has seen better days." Devin glanced ahead to see the Tennis Menace being lifted back onto the court by a helicopter, or rater what was left of it "Either way that works out pretty well for us, anyone could clobber that."

"Most of us yeah, but I'm not sure about anyone." Trent jerked a thumb to where Jay was in the middle of freaking out, sweating heavily and trembling "You okay there man?"

"No, not really…" Jay took a moment to snap himself out of his stupor "I mean I know that me and Mickey probably should switch to the window washing instead, but…"

"The squeegee streaking thing?"

"Yeah. But I think we can do this, there's nothing to freak out about." Jay took a breath as he made his way onto the court "Oh and Mickey, tell mom that I love her!"

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Meanwhile, with the future alliance…

"Okay so… that happened I guess." Emma looked around at the others on the platform "Well on the one hand, I'm glad we're not dead and all. On the other hand, I still am pretty bummed that we're probably gonna end up tying for last."

"Oh yeah, that's the right attitude." Kitty shot a scowl at her "Seriously, could you be any more negative if you tried?"

"Actually she could, because she implied we're going to finish." Noah told her dryly "We only have the one squeegee between the four of us, and you two lost whatever water you might have had left."

"...Oh."

"Yeah."

"Don't give up just yet guys, I've got an idea to win this!" Owen gave them a wide grin "But I'm only gonna tell you about it if you guys agree to an alliance first."

"You're playing that way huh?" Noah shared a look with Emma, then glanced back at Owen "Fine you have yourself a deal, so what's your grand plan?"

"I will be our squeegee!" so Owen promptly ripped off his shirt and pressed himself against the window, and in the process scaring one of the hotel employees into doing a spittake.

"...One can only imagine how (bleep) up this entire scene must look to anyone that doesn't have the context behind it."

"Forget about that now, just let her drop!"

"You heard the man, do it!" and that prompted Emma and Kitty to pull the levers and send their platform hurtling towards the ground.

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Meanwhile, on the roof…

"Okay, I just gotta take one swing and- Oh god that sound!" Jay was about to take his turn on the court with the Tennis Menace, only to end up passing out as soon as he heard the streaking noise coming from Owen being used as the squeegee, though as he did the tennis ball bounced off of his racket right before he lost consciousness, his body hanging over the net.

"Jay hold on, I'm coming for you brother!" Mickey was quick to rush over to Jay's side, only for a tennis ball to bounce off the side of his head, leaving him to fall to the ground out cold with a loud thud right next to Jay.

"...Holy crap the twins finish first, sweet moves tiny bros!" Geoff promptly started clapping for the twins, with Trent and the Rockers, as well as several others, joining in soon after.

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Meanwhile, near ground level…

"There's only two windows left, that means the gold is ours!" Josee gave a wicked smirk full of triumph as she prepared to move onto the second to last window, only to be interrupted before she could by a loud crash, courtesy of the Sisters and Reality TV Pros hitting the ground "Okay what the (bleep)?!"

"Teamwork… yay…" Owen fell onto his back with a loud thud, the entire front of his body being covered in red marks "Ow…"

"Either way I give you points big guy, way to take one for the team." Noah and Kitty promptly handed Owen back his shirt "So you good now?"

"I feel like I just took a roller coaster through a car wash."

"Good enough for me, now let's go. Somebody wanna grab the tip?"

"I'm on it." Emma was quick to grab a tip from the Don Box and read it out loud "It says that now that we're done with the challenge, we have to find the Chill Zone inside something referred to as the Gold Souk."

"The what now?"

"The Gold Souk, apparently it's just a normal plaza where everything is made of gold. To reach the Chill Zone inside the shop, there's a picture here of it, we have to travel in taxis, and apparently some of them are made of literal gold."

"Huh." Noah glanced over at the tip Emma was holding "So why is there a picture of a fat guy wearing a gold robe?"

"According to the tip, they really like their gold here. It also says that, as is part of the shtick for the race, the last team to arrive could get cut from the race."

"To the gold!" Josee shoved past the teams to grab a tip from the Don Box, and she and Jacques then bolted towards a nearby taxi, with the Sisters and Reality TV Pros following close behind them.

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"It looks like the race for first place is about to come to an end, though that doesn't stop the other teams from giving it their all to try and finish the tennis challenge. Though it's pretty clear that some of them are struggling with more than just the tennis itself."

"Okay homie, I have total faith that you can do this." Devin tried to encourage Carrie as she made her way up towards the Tennis Menace, only to end up making things even worse by not knowing when to shut up "You just have to stop and ask yourself, what would Shelley do-"

"No, just no alright?!" Carrie promptly lost her tempet and lashed out at him "Will you give it a rest already?!"

"What do you-"

"Stop comparing me to Shelly, I'm not her and I never will be!" and so she promptly stormed off before she could take her turn.

"Carrie wait!" Devin tried to rush off after her, only to be stopped by Bridgette grabbing him by the back of the shirt "Hey what gives, I gotta-"

"Not while she's like this, and not after what you just said. Trust me, if you go after her now you'll only make her more upset. She's my sister, let me handle this." Bridgette patted Devin on the back and promptly rushed off after Carrie.

"...God I really screwed this one up didn't I?"

"No worse than I have dude." Geoff patted him on the back "But to be totally real, girls really hate when you compare then to other girls. Seriously, I remember this one time I compared Bridge to a girl one of my brothers was dating, and she beat me over the head with her surfboard."

"Yeah I know, you sent me pictures of it."

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Meanwhile, with the new alliance…

"Okay, here's the place!" it didn't take long for Owen and the others to reach the plaza, and they promptly started looking around for the Chill Zone "And remember guys, we're supposed to be looking for a gold Chill Zone!"

"And one that's probably near some egocentric host who, unlike a certain other sadist who shall not be named, actually has standards." Noah commented dryly, then glanced over to see a set of gold statues of the egocentric host in question "Hey check it out, these people even have dollar stores."

"Wow." and that was enough to make Emma burst out laughing in a very loud fashion "Okay that is just hilarious!"

"...You don't get it do you?"

"Not really no."

"Which further proves that there are still people in the world that have never watched the physical embodiment of hell that is Total Drama. To which I say, thank (bleep) god." Noah breathed a sigh as he and the others came across the entrance to the building "Anyway this is it, so I guess I'm supposed to say ladies first or something."

"Wait are you serious?"

"For once I am, and without sarcasm."

"But why would you… I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say."

"How about instead of saying anything you just go ahead and get in there before one of the other teams show up, like the freaks in the unitards?"

"Oh yeah, good point." and so they rushed inside.

"And here they come." Don was quick to greet the teams when they showed up "Congratulations to the Sisters, you're the first team to arrive. Owen and Noah, you're in second place."

"Well that actually went pretty well." Noah shot a glance over at Owen, his voice low "It's not like this part is gonna be for the money or anything, so I might as well tell her how I feel before I start simping worse than Cody ever did for Gwen."

"Wow." Emma on the other hand, she glanced over at Kitty and almost let out exactly how she was feeling about Noah "I have to be honest, Noah is…"

"Yeah?" Kitty shot a knowing smirk in her direction.

"He's… really interested in forming an alliance with us. I guess that means I'm gonna have to be on my guard."

"...Dammit, we were so close."

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Meanwhile, at the bottom of the hotel…

"Okay, that's the last one." Kelly breathed a sigh of relief as she finished the last window "We're all done now."

"Well it sure as hell took you long enough." Taylor let out a loud scoff, then suddenly let out a shriek of disgust "Oh god that's so gross!"

"What's the matter?"

"Now I've got bird poop on my boot!" and then she promptly wiped it on Kelly like a doormat, earning a horrified gasp "There, that's totes better."

"Excuse me?! Let's get one thing straight young lady, you do NOT get to treat me like I'm some kind of doormat!"

"Hey come on, you were already sweaty and gross to begin with. The way I see it, why should I have to suffer like you do?"

"...You know what? That's it." so Kelly promptly pushed the lever on the platform and sent it hurtling upwards, leaving Taylor hanging in mid-air "Huh. You know Dwayne never bothered to tell me just how good that was going to feel."

"What the hell are you going on about? Don't just stand there like an old mannequin, help me get down from here!"

"That's not going to happen, I'm giving you a time out, and frankly it's something that I should've done a long time ago."

"You can't do that, I'm your daughter."

"Like I said, I should've done it a long time ago. I'm not going to help you get down until you apologize to me."

"Yeah well, you're gonna be in for a long wait."

"I have time."

"Not enough, you're already old and gross as it is."

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Meanwhile, at the Chill Zone…

"And here we are, our trump awaits us!" Josee and Jacques reached the plaza and promptly bolted towards the Chill Zone inside "Here we are!"

"Yep, and still as creepy as ever. But anyway let me welcome you to the Chill Zone, you've come in third place." Don was immediately met with a set of horrified gasps.

"What?!"

"Yeah I'm just kidding." he jerked a thumb back at the ACTUAL third place team "The Adversity Twins got here way before you did."

"...What?"

"Me and Mickey took one of the cabs that weren't made of gold." Jay told her "It turns out those are a lot faster, and we're not allergic to gold, so that's a plus."

"So you mean… we came in fourth?! We didn't even make the podium at all?!"

"...What podium? There is no podium." Don pointed out.

"There is always a podium! Always!" and then she started throwing another tantrum.

"Hey cool, we actually made it into the top three." Jay shared a glance with Mickey as they tuned out Josee's tantrum in the background "We usually have a lot worse luck than that. This might sound kind of weird, but it feels like all of the bad luck in the area is being soaked out of us by some other team."

"And I find that hilarious. Now if you'd be kind enough to step aside, I need to count off the next team to arrive." Don sent the Twins on their way as he began counting off the other teams, which started with Brains & Brawn "Fifth place!"

Next came Father & Son.

"Sixth place!"

The Goths.

"Seventh place!"

The Performers.

"Eighth place!"

The Surfers.

"Ninth place!"

The Stepbrothers.

"Tenth place!"

The Rockers.

"Eleventh place!"

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"As more and more teams arrive at the Chill Zone, it's a dead heap as the last two teams try their utmost damdest to not cooperate with their partners. The only question is, whose apathy is going to come out on top in the end?"

"Alright, enough is enough." Kelly stormed her way back over towards Taylor with a tip in her hand "Guess what Taylor, I'm going to show you exactly what your attitude is doing to us right now."

"Oh for crying out loud." Taylor let out a scoff "It's tude mom, no normal persons says attitude like that anymore. Seriously, you don't even know how to lecture right do you?"

"I just got a tip from the Don Box, and it says that we're supposed to be heading to a mall that's full of gold! Do you know what this means? We could be shopping right now!"

"...Shopping?" that was enough to make Taylor actually tear up "I… I had no idea. I'm sorry mom, I mean like so sorry."

"Do you really mean that?"

"Well no, not for anything I did because it's me obviously. Look the thing is that you can be pretty lame most of the time, and most of the time you totally embarrass me like a lot, but as long as you promise to take me shopping, I can at least pretend that you don't. Maybe."

"Oh Taylor… that's all I've ever wanted! Alright your time out is over, and the two of us have a race to win!" so Kelly promptly caught Taylor in her arms and set her down on the ground, and then the two of them rushed over to a nearby waiting cab.

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"The race for not last is coming to a close as one team patches things up, but they're not the only ones making a mad dash for the Chill Zone."

"Okay there it is, I see the Gold Souk!" Carrie poked her head out of the window of the cab, but then she let out a sigh as she glanced over at Devin "You know I'm going to feel terrible if the two of us get cut from the race because of my bad tennis skills."

"Don't feel bad homie, if anyone oughta feel like that it's me." Devin hung his head "I'm sorry I compared you to Shelley, I didn't realize it upset you that much. Shelley might be my girlfriend, but you're my best friend, you always have been, and if there's anyone I trust to blow the head off of a knockoff Dalek, it's you."

"You really think so?"

"I know it for a fact. It doesn't matter if we win or lose, the two of us are gonna stick together all the way, and frankly I'd take you over Shelly any day and every day." a brief pause "Except now I'm praying to the love of god that they edit that part out."

"You know they won't." the cab driver told him dryly.

"Yeah I know." the cab pulled up to the building, and Devin and Carrie were quick to rush inside as fast as they could "Did we make it, are we still in the race?"

"Carrie and Devin, I'm afraid the two of you are the last team to arrive." Don told them, his own demeanor somber.

"Aw man."

"Wait no my mistake, here come Mother & Daughter now." he jerked a thumb to where Kelly and Taylor were entering the building with several shopping bags in hand "That means the two of you are still in the race!"

"Yes!" Devin promptly spun Carrie around in a hug, and then the two of them promptly went on their way.

"In all honesty, it's really for the best." Don glanced over at the camera "The fans would've been outraged if they were the ones to get sent home so soon, at least in comparison to…"

"Hey hey hey." this was when Taylor and Kelly made their way onto the scene "Take a look at who just got their bling on."

"And subsequently lost a chance at winning one million dollars."

"Wait what?"

"Kelly and Taylor, the two of you are the last to arrive, and I'm afraid that means you've been cut from the race."

"Oh. Huh."

"Yep." Kelly let out a sigh "Well that's a shame, I guess we should've checked in at the Chill Zone before we decided to go shopping."

"Well what are you gonna do? At least it was fun while it lasted." the two of them made their way out of the building and promptly hailed a cab.

"I don't know about you but I hope that I never have to touch a camel again, but I did love it when we went to Paris. I can't believe how good your drawing of me was."

"Yeah I know, it was like totally amazing. But I can't believe the upper body strength you had going for you, I need to see your personal trainer like yesterday."

"You know it's kind of funny when you think about it, we entered this race to win even more money than we already had, but we ended up getting something that the two of us had actually needed instead."

"That actually reminds me, if the two of us are gonna do more shopping then I'm gonna need you to double my allowance."

"Oh Taylor, here's the funny thing about that. I'm cancelling your allowance."

"...Wait, you're doing what now?!" and that was all that could be said before the two of them got into a cab and drove off.

A/N:

I think it was pretty obvious that Mother & Daughter were going to be the next team to get eliminated, because let's face it, they're not one of the more well liked teams in the race. On the plus side though, this chapter gave us more of the budding romance between Noah and Emma, and that can make just about anything better.

As far as new character intearctions go, not a ton of new ones to mention, but I still enjoy doing the ones between the Surfers and the Best Friends, especially the sisters dynamic between Bridgette and Carrie. As for new ones however, that includes me expanding on the one between Dwayne and Kelly. I know that Dwayne is mainly a comic relief character, but I wanted to portray him in a more serious light, as the kind of person who understands how to raise a kid and make sure that they grow up right, and be willing to do what needs to be done for that to happen.

Oh and just throwing this out there, I'm pretty sure everyone knows that the Tennis Menace is basically just a Dakel from Doctor Who. I'm not that much of a fan of the show and even I get that.

Rankings:

Sisters- 1st

Reality TV Pros- 2nd

Adversity Twins- 3rd

Ice Dancers- 4th

Brains & Brawn- 5th

Father & Son- 6th

Goths- 7th

Performers- 8th

Surfers- 9th

Stepbrothers- 10th

Rockers- 11th

Best Friends- 12th

Elimination order:

LARPers - 18th

Tennis Rivals 17th

Geniuses - 16th

Vegans - 15th

Fashion Bloggers- 14th

Mother & Daughter- 13th