A Dramatic Ridonculous Race

by The Legendary Dragon Reaper

With Chris McLean rotting in prison, it seems like the era of Total Drama has come to an end. However, numerous contestants flock to other shows, and some find themselves in yet another race around the world, and they'll make some new friends along the way. Some of them may even find love.

12. My Way or Zimbabwe

(My Way or Zimbabwe)

I would like to thank everyone who reviewed, favorited or followed this story since I last updated it.

OmniIBIBUltraInstinctGodzilla (ch 9): Yep, the dynamic between Bridgette and Carrie as sisters is one I really enjoy doing, and Devin learned his lesson the hard way about comparing girls to each other, and your points about both of them are dead on. I tried to give a better end to the relationship drama between Kelly and Taylor, and I figured that Dwayne deserved to have at least one serious moment. Yes the Tennis Menace looks like a Dalek, I couldn't stop myself from bringing that up, and that moment of revenge also gave Lightning a quick bonding moment with Trent, so that was fun. I figured a lot of people would be surprised by Owen and Izzy getting married, but yeah I'm glad to see you enjoyed it.

OmniIBIBUltraInstinctGodzilla (ch 10): Yeah, I figured it was about time that Cameron and Lighnting got a win, and like you said, they did it with proper teamwork and understanding of each other. The Rockers being saved by a non-elimination round was something that had to happen for the sake of their arc. Yeah, Bridgette and Carrie being sisters means that Bridgette had to be the one to give the dare, but it does give her some more depth and shows growth on her part.

OmniIBIBUltraInstinctGodzilla (ch 11): Yeah I know, getting rid of the Adversity Twins was a shame, but at least they went out on a better note, and Kitty x Mickey is a thing. Yeah, the Goths and the Rockers were definitely the MVPs in this chapter, and I love doing the dynamic between Noah and Owen, it's just so wholesome. You're right, the Goths being un-gothed was hilarious in every sense of the word. I myself also coined the phrase Super Goths to describe them when they came back. I couldn't resist doing the cameo by the baby seal from A BFG's World Tour, because it's hysterical and it re-establishes the connection between that story and this one.

Cody Fanatic: Yeah, having to get rid of the Adveristy Twins was a shame. I don't really know what you mean by censoring though. I don't think I really showed Noah and Owen's friendship in a way that was really that different from canon, but yeah I added in a few wholesome bits here and there. Glad to see you approve of the Kitty x Mickey ship. Having to sabotage the Twins in general was kind of messed up, but at least it's not as bad as what Emma did, and Kitty actually was genuine. Yeah, Leshawna is not someone you want to piss off.

: Thanks, I'm glad to see you liked it. I get what you're saying, but we have already seen a little bit of interaction between Kitty and Mickey before, and I didn't really think there was a lot to describe about the others doing their air guitar.

Spectacular Webhead 11: Don't think I'm not tempted to do that, but what good is a season of Total Drama without a proper antagonist, or pair of antagonists as the case may be?

SuperSonicHeroes: Yeah getting rid of the Adversity Twins was a shame, but I'm glad to see you think I did it better than in canon. I figured a good number of people would get a kick out of seeing Kitty and Mickey become a thing. Sort of. And yeah, Don has shown that unlike Chris, he actually does have standards and empathy. I love doing the dynamic between Noah and Owen, their friendship is just so wholesome. A good chunk of the chapter is filled with all sorts of jokes and references, and that's just part of my writing style, because I like to incorporate a fair amount of humor. I enjoyed doing the Danny Phantom reference, and I especially loved including that baby seal from A BFG's World Tour.

Frosty Wolf: Thanks, I'm glad to see you liked it. Yeah, the Adversity Twins do act as a sort of inspiration with the way they continue to persevere and remain optimistic. That combined with everything they go through makes them that much more likable. Also I'm glad to see that you approve of the Kitty x Mickey ship, and the seal that stalked and tortured DJ was something I couldn't resist.

Guest: The next chapter is a work in progress. I can't say for certain when it will come out, but I can say that I won't abandon the story.

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"Last time on the Ridonculous Race, things got to a whole new level of heated, and that's saying something for this show. After managing to survive the shock that was their un-gothing by the harsh nature of their motherland of Finland, the Goths came back stronger than ever and even managed to find the source of all of the Ice Dancers' bad luck, which just so happened to be in the form of Josee's not so lucky Hawaiian lava rock. Rock was taken by surprise when he saw his bud Spud surprisingly rock, landing the two of them in first place. To save her sister's new future boyfriend from being cut from the race, Kitty gave Mickey a kiss heated enough to knock him into a stupor, and both of the Adversity Twins into last place and out of the race entirely. 11 teams remain in the running, but one has to wonder, where are we going to go next, and who's going to get hurt the most and end up hating it the most as a result? There's only one way to find out, and that's to watch right here and right now on… the Ridonculous Race!"

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One intro later…

"And here we are again." once the intro had come to an end, Don started off the new episode in front of the Chill Zone from the previous leg of the race "Allow me to welcome all of you back to the previous Chill Zone here in downtown Oulu, Finland, where the triumphant underdogs of yesterday, those being the Rockers, are ready to receive the first travel tip of the day."

"Yeah you know it man." Rock shared a quick glance with Spud as the two of them made their way toward the Don Box "It's super heavy and stuff man, I still can't believe that the two of us are actually in first place."

"Wait, we're in first place?" Spud gave a dull look, then a grin "Alright bro, we're totally killing it now!"

"Hells to the yeah man!" the two of them high fived, did a little bit of rocking out to air guitar, and then Rock pushed the button on the Don Box and pulled out a tip "Alright that's enough of the rocking out man, right now we gotta head to Helsinki airport and catch the next flight that's heading for Zimbabwe."

"Zimbab-what now?"

"I think it's in India or something?"

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"He's not even close, and the fact that he's the smart one of the team says a lot about the two of them. Anyway, Zimbabwe is located in Southwestern Africa, and is the home to a great deal of stunning flora, exotic fauna and majestic scenery. A good chunk of which can and most likely will kill you. Once the teams land in Zimbabwe, they'll have to drive by one of the provided jeeps all the way to Victoria Falls, which is nearly twice the height of Niagara Falls. Yeah you heard me right North America, your waterfalls are getting owned! Then again Niagara Falls are in Canada, and being Canadian myself I probably shouldn't mock that."

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Now for the rest of the teams…

"Taxi!" Lightning pulled out a silver whistle from within his shirt and started blowing on it, which led to a taxi pulling over and opening the door, to which he ushered Cameron inside as they took off towards the airport, only for him to notice the raised eyebrow Cameron was giving him "What?"

"Have you been carrying that whistle with you this entire time?" asked Cameron.

"Oh yeah, I carry it with me all the time. My coach actually suggested it awhile back, something about using it as a way to take off stress."

"So it's a form of a coping mechanism from your time doing sports?"

"Actually it's from this one Summer I was working as a lifeguard at this country club a few years back. I also spent that Summer working on my tan, and the old people loved it."

"Really?"

"Yep. Let's just say there were a few senior citizens who pretended to drown on my watch. And sadly one who did."

"I… see. This just became rather morbid."

"Yeah, yeah it did."

"...Well time for a change of topic."

"Oh god yeah, thanks."

"Sure. So where were you keeping that whistle?"

"Uh… new topic."

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"All 11 remaining teams have visited the Don Box and have now made their way to the airport, and they're waiting for their next flight."

"Okay, so a few more minutes until boarding and then-" Junior let out a yelp of pain when he suddenly found his ticket yanked out of his hand "Ow, great now I've got a papercut."

"Sorry about this sporto, but keep in mind that holding onto the important stuff like this is the job for a dad and the other adults." Dwayne told him.

"Come on dad, I'm not a little kid anymore. I can hold my own ticket."

"Yeah I know you can kiddo, I'm just not sure whether or not you should. Now when you're a dad in your own right, you can hold as much stuff as you want. For now let's go take care of that papercut and get you a bandage, maybe a lollipop too."

"Dad it's just a papercut, I'm fine."

"You're so fine that a lollipop wouldn't help?"

"Dad I just told you I'm not a little kid anymore, candy isn't going to work on me."

"How about a balloon then?"

"Dad for crying out loud!" Junior let out a groan, but then he looked ahead at the line for tickets and blinked "Woah."

As it turns out, Josee and Jacques were trying to get their tickets, though it was turning out to be more complicated than expected, much to their irritation, especially the former "Why is this so hard for you to understand? We need to get the next flight heading to Hawaii, and we only want to be there for like 10 minutes to take care of something, and then we need to get the next flight heading from Hawaii to Zimbabwe."

"But it-" the ticket guy looked frantically between the two of them and his computer "It making no sense."

"Okay fine, we making no sense and all that good stuff. Now stuff the opinion that nobody needs or wants and give us our (bleep) tickets!" once she was handed the tickets, she paused and took a glance over at the camera "Okay, so Jacques might be a little bit mad at me."

"I am more than a little bit, and I would like an apology." Jacques told her flatly.

"Oh please, give me one good reason why in the hell I should apologize to you. I mean it's not like I knew that the lava rock was bad luck when I picked it up in Hawaii!"

"...I accept your apology."

"Thank you."

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"Jacques and Josee are off on a detour towards Hawaii, while the other ten teams are heading for Africa. Once they land in Zimbabwe, they'll have to drive one of the provided jeeps towards their next destination, and one by one teams are picking the jeeps and heading out onto the open road."

"There they are, rock and roll!" Rock and Spud were quick to hop into a jeep and take off down the road, which quickly secured them an early lead "Okay, so the tip says that we're gonna have to head over to Victoria Falls where the Zambezi River borders over Zambia and Zimbabwe, so if we take the Mozio Tunia then we're gonna be golden as all hell! Go ahead and gun it like it's hot dude, I wanna make sure we stay in first place!"

"Wait, we're in first place?" Spud blinked, then gave a dull grin "Oh hell yeah, we're totally killing it now!"

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Meanwhile, with another frontrunner team…

"Okay, I think we're good so far." not far behind the Rockers, Carrie and Devin made their way along the road in their own jeep "So I was thinking that I would drive the jeep and you focus on the directions, sound good?"

"Me Devin, you Carrie." and then Devin started doing a Tarzan impression, complete with the iconic scream, which was enough to make Carrie blush and giggle.

"Oh yeah, that's totally adorbs."

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing, just… go us!"

"Yeah!" and then the two of them cheered as they went on their way.

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Meanwhile, with a certain parent and child duo…

"Wowzers, to think we're really in Africa." Dwayne and Junior made their way along the road in their own jeep "You know I gotta be honest kiddo, I've always wanted the chance to go on a real safari myself."

"Yeah I know, this is seriously cool. I just wanna get up and see if-" he moved to unbuckle his seatbelt, only to be stopped by Dwayne placing a hand down on him.

"Not so fast young man, you stay right on that keester where you belong. Keep in mind that seats are for sitting, not for standing while we're in the middle of driving."

"Oh for crying out loud dad, will you stop treating me like I'm a little kid? I'm practically a man as it is, just take a look at this chest hair."

"What chest hair?"

"This one right here." he pulled down his shirt to show it "I mean it's blonde so it's kind of hard to see in the sunlight."

"Yeah, sure it is kiddo."

"It's totally there, I swear it is!" he looked away rather indignantly.

"Kids."

"I told you before, I am not a kid!"

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Meanwhile, with two other teams…

"Okay, so if we take this road here then-" Trent paused as he looked up from the map he held, and glanced back to see another team coming behind them "Hey Leshawna you might wanna step on it, the Stepbrothers are gaining on us!"

"Oh like hell they are, no way those (bleep) are getting the drop on us!" Leshawna slammed her foot down onto the gas and started to pull ahead, though as she did she glanced back and saw them trying and failing to pass them "What you two aren't screaming at each other anymore, you get tired of shrieking like a pack of pissed off vultures?"

"Do you really have to egg them on? We agreed that I'd be the one doing the navigating, so you gotta be focused on the driving."

"It's a little bit of something I like to call some good old-fashioned strategy."

"I think I'm gonna need some more specifics, if for no other reason than to make sure that this plan of yours is legal."

"Relax, it's nothing that wouldn't pass on TV."

"That doesn't really narrow it down."

"Fine. The thing is that awhile back when I was picking out courses at university, Harold talked me into enrolling in this one psychology class that focused on human behavior. It's actually a lot more interesting than I thought it would be, plus I learned a lot from it. For example, now I know for sure just how much stress a person can take before they blow their freaking top."

"Oh wow, I… don't a clue what that's like." Trent looked away rather awkwardly, which didn't go unnoticed.

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that. Anyway, I can tell you for a fact that those two idiots back there are close. All they need is one more little shove and then they're gonna lose their minds and fly off the handle. Now how to do it."

"If I'm gonna be honest, I don't think you really need to. See for yourself."

As it turns out, Lorenzo was barking angrily at Chet while he was driving their jeep "Would it kill you to hurry the hell up and pass them already?!"

"Blow it out your hole man, they keep blocking me and stuff!" Chet barked at him "What the hell am I supposed to do, run them off the road or something?!"

"I don't care what you do loser, just do it better!"

"Oh what, like you could do better?"

"Actually yeah I could, and I'm gonna prove it. There's a shortcut over there."

"What shortcut? There isn't any road dumbass!"

"So what if there isn't a road? Take that stupid chicken hat off your head and drive faster than an old grandma!"

"Chickens don't wear hats!"

"I'm saying that you're a coward!"

"Well I'm calling you a dumbass!"

"You're the dumbass!"

"It takes one to know one!" and then the two of them started beating the crap out of each other, causing their jeep to veer off the road.

All the while, Trent and Leshawna just watched the scene unfold as they made their way along the road "Wow. Like I said, you really didn't need to do anything."

"Actually I already did." Leshawna leaned back and gave a smug grin "What do you think that first crack at them was for? Plus don't forget, I didn't get an A in that course for nothing."

"Huh. Well I'm impressed. Now if only you didn't use it for evil."

"Hey I'm not evil, you don't see me turning people against each other to win do you?"

"That doesn't count?"

"It doesn't count if they already hated each other."

"...Yeah okay, fair enough."

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Meanwhile, with the frontrunner team…

"There it is, and we're totally killing it!" Rock and Spud were the first team to reach the Don Box by the river, and he was about to grab a tip, only to be stopped by the Stepbrothers showing up in their jeep, leading to lots of screaming in terror "(Bleep)!"

"(Bleep)!" Chet and Lorenzo both slammed on the brakes and their jeep screeched to a halt just a few inchest away from the Rockers "Uh… hey what's up guys, how's it going?" they were met with an answer in the form of Spud screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Gotta give it Spud, his reaction time is totally getting better." Rock patted Spud on the back as he went to grab a tip from the Don Box.

"So is anyone else here yet?"

"Nope we got here first, and I call first dibs on the tip."

"Wait, we're in first place?" Spud gave a dull grin.

"Yep, and it's gonna stay that way." Rock slammed his fist down on the button for the Don Box and pulled out a tip "It says that it's an All In, and we're gonna have to go on something called a selfie safari."

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"As stated by Rock, for this All In challenge, each team must take the waterproof camera that was provided in the glove compartment of their jeep, then get into one of the rafts and ride it over the falls while taking a selfie as epic as they're able to make it. But let them be warned, if they miss their shot then it's a long climb back up to the top of the falls to try again. After they complete this portion of the challenge, they have to float down the river in their raft until they reach the Zambezi National Park, which just so happens to be the home of the white rhino, which is as majestic as it is elusive, where they'll have to find one of the beasts in question and take a selfie with it. Once teams have completed both of these tasks, it devolves into a foot race to today's Chill Zone, where I'll be waiting to inspect their photos. As is to be expected by now, the last team to arrive could be cut from the race."

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Meanwhile, with the frontrunner teams…

"Woah…" by this point, Father & Son, along with the Performers, the Surfers, the Rockers and the Stepbrothers, had collected their tips and their rafts, along with the waterproof cameras, and had made their way towards the river, where they caught sight of the falls "Okay I gotta admit, that is seriously cool."

"Yeah but you don't have to worry son, you're going to be completely safe. Think of it this way, all we need to do is get our hands on a couple of crash test dummies that look exactly like us and know how to take selfies." Dwayne was met with a series of groans from the other teams "What did I say?"

"Seriously dad?"

"No really, what did I say?"

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"While the teams that are tied for first place consider their options, or try to consider ones that are so outlandish it's hysterical, the Ice Dancers are currently and last place, I can't tell you how good it feels to say that by the way, due to the fact that they're stuck between a lava rock and a very faraway place."

"Here's the beach!" Jacques and Josee reached the shores of a certain Hawaiian island "Is this where you found the rock the last time we were here?"

"I think so, now let's just toss the stupid thing and get out of here!" Josee pulled out the lava rock and prepared to toss it, when…

"Wait wait wait!"

"What?"

"You can't just dump out a cursed object like it's a piece of trash, we need to give some kind of ceremony or an offering!"

"Oh for the love of- Alright fine, let's just get this over with. What exactly did you have in mind anyway?"

"Well…"

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10 minutes later…

"You had better be right about this." Josee let out a growl as she and Jacques performed a dance as an offering for the lava rock, which was met with the nearby volcano rumbling and letting out a cough of black smoke "Look it's a sign, that has to mean we've been forgiven! Now let's get back to the airport, this game isn't going to win itself!" and that was enough to make the two of them take off running.

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Meanwhile, in Zimbabwe…

"Okay easy bro, we've got this." Rock tried to console Spud as the two of them rode in their raft towards the edge of the waterfall "This is just like the time we rode that gigantic roller coaster like half a dozen times in a row, and then we started puking so hard we almost drowned in our own vomit, but at least this time we haven't been chowing down on the funnel cakes and the banquet burgers, so it oughta be totally easy."

"Or at least not as messy." Spud gave a shrug "Hey speaking of which, did you ever get that stuff out of your-"

"I'd… rather not talk about that." Rock looked away in a rather awkward fashion, but then he blinked at what he was seeing "Woah, check that out man."

As it turns out, not too far away from them, Dwayne was in the middle of tightening Junior's life vest to the point where it was comical "Okay, so is that tight enough? You know what hold on a second, I'm gonna make it a little bit tighter."

"For crying out loud dad it's fine, just let me do it and-" Junior was cut off by the sound of loud screaming, courtesy of Rock and Spud going over the waterfall in their raft "Oh boy."

"...Yeah hold that thought for a second, I'm just gonna go ahead and get a few more life jackets on you there pal."

"Dad seriously, would it kill you to just stop with the- Ow hey watch it, they're pinching my spine!" this carried on until Junior was stuck inside a giant ball of jackets.

"What I just want my son to be safe, is that so wrong?" he was met with the sound of muffled screaming, which only intensified as they went over the falls and Junior took the selfie, only for both of them to fall out of their raft in the process.

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Meanwhile, with the other teams…

"Come on what are you waiting for?" Chet dragged the raft towards the edge of the river and shot a dirty look over at Lorenzo "Quit doing those stupid dance moves and get in!"

"They're not dance moves, I'm practicing my katas." Lorenzo didn't even bother to look at him as he continued going through stances, only to be grabbed by Chet and subsequently thrown into the river "You undisciplined asshole, you can suck on the flat end of my (bleep)!" and then he went over the waterfall, screaming all the while.

"Yeah right, like you've got anything to suck on!"

"You realize that implies that you actually have no problem sucking on it." Noah commented dryly from his place over to the side.

"Yeah well- Shut up! What do you want?"

"To not watch this dumpster fire is the first thing that comes to mind. I do feel the need to bring up one important question though."

"What's that?"

"If you sent him over the waterfall on his own, how exactly do you plan on getting the team selfie in order to complete the challenge?"

"...Hey stepbro say cheese, we gotta get a picture!" Chet grabbed hold of his raft and leapt into the river, and once he went over the waterfall he took the picture, with Lorzeno remaining far below in the background.

"Truly, those two the epitome of human evolution." Noah just rolled his eyes and walked away from the scene.

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"As more and more teams force themselves to face their fears by going over Victoria Falls, our last place team remains in fear of getting cut from the race, and by extension, getting cut from international TV."

"Hey!" as it turns out, Josee had stormed her way up to the cockpit of the plane in order to yell at the pilot "You need to fly this stupid thing faster!"

"Hey, you're not allowed up here!" the pilot snapped at her.

"Oh get real, do you have any idea who me and my partner are?"

"Aren't you two those figure skaters that lost the gold at the Olympics a few years ago?"

"...Just fly the damn thing faster!"

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"So while the Ice Dancers suffer another blow to their already fragile egos, a good number of the teams have gotten started on the first part of the challenge by going over Victoria Falls to get their first selfies. Some of them are more graceful than others, and some of them have some trouble to deal with when they land."

"Spud, hey Spud where are you dude?" Rock was searching frantically for Spud around the bottom of the waterfall "Come on dude, wherever you are just give me a sign!" it was then that he caught sight of a devil horns hand symbol poking out of the water "Spud!"

"Rock and roll!" this was when Spud burst up from within the water, with Rock helping him into their raft "Oh man, that was a hell of a trip and we totally killed it!"

"No kidding dude, for a minute there I totally thought we were goners. Then you went and fell out of the raft and I thought you were a goner too, and then you popped up in like a total blaze of glory!"

"You know you should try and write books man, because that was like story stuff."

"I know right?"

"Junior, Junior where are you? Come on sport, this isn't funny!" this was when Dwayne showed up paddling around the river until he came across the Rockers "Hey sorry to bother you guys, but is there any chance you've seen my son?"

"I don't know, maybe he's over there." Rock pointed in a random direction… which just so happened to be where a lion was resting nearby "Uh… Hey you never know, maybe the lion is a vegetarian. Those are a thing right?"

"...JUNIOR!"

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"By this point, most of the teams have now made or are in the process of making their epic leap over the equally epic Victoria Falls."

"Coming in hot!" Owen did a cannonball into his raft, launching Noah into the air "Noah, are you oaky little buddy?!"

"Take the picture, take the (bleep) picture!" was all Noah could say as he ended up falling over the falls, with Owen taking pictures of it all the while as he went over as well "It's times like this that make me thing that if I end up dying in some kind of gruesome accident… it's going to be entirely your fault, and I'll haunt you forever for it."

"Wow, that uh… that kind of hits hard little buddy."

"I speak only the truth, mostly because I don't care enough to lie. Anyway let's get moving, we have a rhino to track down. You still have that thing Izzy taught you how to do?"

"Yep."

"Good, now put the crazy chick's skills to good use. We've got work to do."

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Meanwhile, with one half of the separated team…

"Okay focus Dwayne, focus on the task at hand." Dwayne found himself climbing his way back up to the top of the waterfall, his mind racing as he did so, and he took the chance to glance over at the camera "There is no way that lion really ate my son, I know for a fact that Junior is totally fine. The family rule is that if you get separated, then you go back to the last place that you saw each other, so I'm gonna go back up to the top of the waterfall. He'll be up there waiting for me to find him, I'm sure that he will." and so he continued climbing.

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And now for the exact opposite…

"Oh yeah, this is nice…" as it turns out, Junior was actually floating down the stream in his raft, only to notice bump into it "I was wondering how long it was gonna take you to catch up- Oh wait nevermind, it's just you guys. Hey."

"Hey kid." as it turns out, it was Lorenzo and Chet in their own raft "So where's your dad? Isn't he supposed to be with you?"

"Yeah but we got separated, and the family rule is that if you get separated, then you go to your destination. So… you mind if I tag along with you guys for now?"

"Oh trust me little man, you don't want to get stuck with all the crap in this boat. You might get stuck with your pain in the ass stepbrother that throws you into a river and then chucks you off a cliff!"

"So what, you're still whining about that?" Chet shot a dirty look at him "How about next time you don't waste time doing stupid dance moves! Disco has been dead for ages, you couldn't bring it back even if you tried!"

"Wait a second, how exactly did you guys get your selfie?" Junior was handed their camera and looked at the picture "So you managed to get it so he was in the picture even when he was all the way at the bottom?"

"Yep."

"Wow, that's actually pretty impressive."

"Ha, you hear that piss stain? He said it's impressive."

"He doesn't know any better, he's just a kid!" Lorenzo barked at him.

"So what, he's still smarter as a kid than you are now."

"You know I've actually got a chest hair." Junior offered.

"Which means he's already more of a man than you."

"At least he's actually got something natural going down there." Lorenzo spat at him.

"I've got chest hair!"

"It doesn't count if you have to glue it to your chest!" and then the two of them started beating the crap out of each other, with Junior just watching in awkward silence.

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"While most of the other teams have already started or are getting close to starting the rhino selfie challenge, our last place Ice Dancers have finally landed in Africa, but they still have to make up for a lot of lost time."

"Out of our way sky waitress, we have a race to win!" Josee shoved a flight attendant out of her way as she and Jacques bolted out of the airport and towards the nearby Don Box.

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Meanwhile, at the end of the river…

"Come on you little…" Junior gritted his teeth as he pulled his raft out of the river and spared a glance over to the side "So uh…"

"Yeah well funny thing about me bossing you around and junk!" as it turns out, Chet and Lorezo were still arguing as they rolled along the ground beating the crap out of each other "The only reason I make you do stuff is because you're so damn useless that you can't do anything without me telling you to!"

"So thanks for the lift and stuff, I appreciate you sticking with me and-"

"You're the one with no discipline or any brain cells to work with!" Lorenzo threw Chet to the ground in a rage "I've saved your sorry ass from getting us kicked off the race way more times than you have!"

"But I'm thinking I oughta get going, maybe see if I can find my dad-"

"I don't know what the hell my dad saw in your mom, especially if she's the that spawned your sorry hide!"

"And it's pretty clear by now that the two of you aren't listening to a word I'm saying, so I think I'm just gonna go. Good luck guys, with just about everything/" and so Junior took off running as the Stepbrothers continued beating the crap out of each other, though as he did he glanced at the camera "Yeah I don't like to judge, but I'm willing to bet money that those two are gonna go next."

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"Most of the teams, if not all of them, have begun their search for a white rhino they can take a selfie with. Some of them are having more success than others in that regard."

"Hey babe check it out, there it is." Geoff poked his head out from some grass and pointed to where a rhino stood nearby out in the open.

"Good eye sweetie, but take it easy. We don't want to startle it." Bridgette told him.

"No worries babe, just hang back and leave this to me. I'll get the selfie."

"Wait you can't just walk up to it, if you startle it then it'll stomp on you!"

"Hey me and my bros back home have done a ton of dog sitting and stuff over the years. Plus there was this one time we tried to get homes for a bunch of shelter dogs by putting them in a movie with Tom Cruise, but that's a whole other thing. The point is that I know that if you wanna get animals to do what you want them to do, you gotta show them that you're the boss."

"Geoff that's not a dog that's a rhino, that's something entirely different!"

"Look trust me babe, the point is that the best way to get on an animal's good side is to know where you gotta scratch them." so with that in mind, Geoff made his way up to the rhino and began scratching it behind one of its ears, and as he did so he turned back towards Bridgette and gave her a thumbs up "You see babe, nothing to it."

"Um, Geoff?"

"Yeah?" Geoff glanced back and found the rhino staring him dead in the eye as it snorted in his face "Oh. Hey babe?"

"RUN!" and that was enough to make the two of them run away screaming, with the rhino still hot on their heels.

"That doesn't make any sense, it totally worked with the dogs!"

"Rhinos are not the same as dogs!"

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Meanwhile, with a certain other blonde and her partner…

"Wait Devin hold on a second." Carrie grabbed Devin by the arm to stop him and pointed to where she could see some rustling in a nearby patch of grass "You think that's it?"

"I think there's only one way to find out homie." Devin pulled out the camera and prepared to charge "I'm thinking on 3, okay?"

"Got it. 1… 2…"

"3!" Devin leapt into the grass, only for this to be followed by a series of yelps.

"What the-" Carrie was quick to rush over to the bushes, only to find Devin sprawled out on top of Junior "Are you guys okay?"

"Oh yeah, just aces right about now. Seriously, if I knew that I was gonna get tackled to the ground while I was peeing in a bush in Africa, then I would've held it in until I got to the Chill Zone." Junior let out a groan as he picked himself up, only to recoil when he saw Carrie right in front of him, and he was quick to try and put on the macho act, complete with the fake deep voice "Oh hey, how's it going?"

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, I've taken a lot worse than that."

"So where's your dad?" asked Devin.

"We got separated back at the waterfall, it's not that big a deal."

"You mean you're out here all by yourself?" Carrie let out a gasp.

"Well I was with the Stepbrothers for awhile, but that pretty much speaks for itself. Now it's just me and my chest hair."

"Uh… okay then." Carrie and Devin shared a quick look.

"Anyway go ahead and check these out." Junior directed their attention to a set of tracks on the ground nearby "These must be rhino tracks, if we follow them then we can bag a rhino selfie for both of our teams."

"Oh wow, good eye on your part Junior."

"Yeah well, most men probably wouldn't have been able to catch that, so it's a really lucky thing for all of us that I was here wasn't it?"

"Uh… yeah, so we should get going."

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Meanwhile, with another team in search of a rhino…

"Oh god… I can feel my lungs… trying to kill me…" Geoff was left sprawled out on the ground, panting in an exhausted heap with the rhino right next to him in the same position "But hey, at least… I didn't die right? And 45 minutes… gotta be some kind of record."

"Personally I'm more focused on the fact that you didn't die." Bridgette snapped a quick selfie with the camera, then helped Geoff to his feet and pulled him into a tight hug "Just don't scare me like that okay?"

"Yeah I gotcha, sorry babe. Anyway I saw the sign for the Chill Zone while I was tiring the big guy out, so let's get moving."

"You got it." and so the two of them took off running towards the Chill Zone.

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"As the first few teams complete the second challenge and start to make their way towards the Chill Zone, our team in last place has finally made their way towards the site of the waterfall so they can start the first challenge."

"Wait Josee stop, I can see someone on the road!" Jacques was quick to force Josee to slam on the brakes and bring their jeep to a screeching halt "Isn't he from one of the other teams?"

As it turns out, it was Dwayne lying on the road in front of them, wearing his shirt like a hat as he frantically glanced up at the Ice Dancers "Oh god I can't find my son, please tell me you guys have seen my son!"

"Nope we haven't seen him, but given that this is Africa, if you don't move out of the (bleep) way then I'm gonna potentially reunite you!" and so Josee started honking on the horn in a rather violent fashion.

"Oh god I lost Junior, he's really gone! My only son lost in the heart of Africa, it's basically the land of death!"

"Wow your wife is going to kill you, I feel so sorry for you." her tone was practically dripping with sarcasm.

"Well I deserve it, this is something I brought entirely on myself. Do you know what the number one rule of parenting is? Do you?"

"That you can't let your child take away whatever chance you have of winning a gold medal and fulfilling your lifelong dream?"

"Yes! Wait what, no of course not. The number one rule of parenting is that you never let your kid get eaten by a lion while you're stuck in a raft going over a waterfall high enough to give a metaphorical middle finger to your home country!"

"You do realize how incredibly specific that seems right?" Jacques pointed out.

"Well who cares about a stupid gold medal in the first place?" Dwayne was met with horrified gasps from both of them.

"...Okay Josee, you can run him over now."

"Good enough for me." so Josee slammed on the gas and forced Dwayne out of the road as they continued their journey to Victoria Falls.

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Meanwhile, with the other half of the separated team…

"You guys hold still, I'll get the selfie for you." Junior motioned for Carrie and Devin to stand beside the rhino as he took the picture, though with more focus on Carrie, and once they were done he handed his camera to them as he posed by the rhino "I'm ready."

"Okay, say cheese." so Carrie snapped the picture as Junior leaned in to kiss the rhino, and once they were done they took off running, with Carrie handing him the camera as they did so "Here you go."

"Thanks." Junior pocketed the camera, and as they ran he glanced up at Devin "You know when I kissed that rhino in the picture, I pretended that it was actually Carrie."

"Wow, that's… not creepy or weird at all." Devin looked away for a moment.

"Okay be real with me for a second, one man to another, with chest hair and everything. If I tried to ask Carrie out or anything like that, would you get mad about it?"

"Wait what? No way, me and Carrie are just friends. But you oughta know now that she doesn't go for younger guys anyway, so…"

"Aw man really? So much for that." Junior let out a sad sigh.

"Sorry about that buddy. But hey you never know, give it a few years and she might end up changing her mind."

"You think so?"

"I think it's worth keeping in mind."

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Meanwhile, with the frontrunner teams…

"I got it!" Owen stood in front of the passed out rhino and allowed Noah to take the picture, and once it was done the two of them took off running, only for him to notice the look Noah was giving him "What?"

"You got that thing to hold still and didn't have to fart on it." Noah pointed out dryly.

"Yeah, so?"

"I'm just looking around to see if Hell has frozen over, because that's the only reasonable explanation for such a thing."

"Hey, I don't fart that often!"

"If that's actually true then I'm a ball of sunshine and rainbows who believes that sarcasm is little more than a byproduct of deep-seated insecurities."

"Damn bro, that's actually really morbid." came a new voice.

"And then there's this."

"Then there's what?" Owen and Noah glanced back to see Geoff and Bridgette running up not far behind them "Oh hey guys, how's it going?"

"Hey Owen!" Bridgette and Geoff both waved at them "So how did you guys get a selfie with a rhino so fast? That was pretty hard."

"I used something Izzy taught me awhile back before she went on the run from the RCFP like she does every couple weeks. See she taught us how to do the mating call for these rhinos and I used it to get it to come to me."

"Really? I didn't now they had a mating call."

"Gotta give it to Izzy, she might be ten times crazier than physically possible, but you can't deny that she's got skills." Noah pointed out dryly.

"Fair enough."

"Yeah. Anyway see you behind us, we've got a race to win." and so Noah and Owen began to pull ahead as the Chill Zone came into view, with Geoff and Bridgette following close behind and slowly catching up to them.

"And here they come." Don was quick to receive the cameras from both teams as they crashed onto the Carpet of Completion, and he checked out their pictures "Well it looks like the pictures check out, that means first place goes to the Reality TV Pros, a huge improvement over how they faired in Finland, and second place goes to the Surfer couple." he was met with various weak cheers and groans, but then he took another look at one of the photos "Geoff I have to ask, how exactly do you manage to keep your hat on while you're plunging over the highest waterfall in the world?"

"Oh that's an easy one." Geoff pulled out a bottle of glue from within his shirt "You can thank some good old White Stallion glue for that one. It'll hold and it'll mold, and it won't cost you gold."

"Huh. Good to know. Anyway you guys are gonna have to get moving, we've got the rest of the teams incoming." so Don ushered them off the carpet just as the next team arrived and handed him their camera "Third place goes to the Stepbrothers."

"Yes!" Chet and Lorenzo caught each other in a high five, but then there was a pause, and then they started wrestling on the ground again.

"Okay then, I guess they forgot they're supposed to hate each other. Stick to the status quo and all that good stuff I guess. Oh right, back to hosting." Don glanced over as he saw the next two teams, or team and a half to be more accurate, show up with their cameras "Carrie and Devin are in fourth place. I'm sorry Junior but I can't accept yours, you have to have both members of your team present before you can be counted."

"Wait, you mean my dad isn't here yet?" Junior let out a groan "This is gonna be bad, I just know it."

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Meanwhile, with the other half of the separated team…

"Junior where are you?!" as it turns out, Dwayne was still out searching for Junior with his shirt tied over his head, only for this end with him being chased by a pissed off rhino, leaving him to run away screaming in terror.

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Meanwhile, at the Chill Zone…

"And here comes another one." Don greeted the Rockers as they arrived at the Chill Zone and handed him their camera "You two have arrived in fifth place. Kind of a downgrade if I'm gonna be honest."

"Yeah, it took us awhile to track down a rhino." Rock gave a shrug "But hey we're still in the top 5, so it's not that bad right?"

"Wait, we're in the top 5?" Spud shot a dull look at him.

"Yeah, we kind of lagged behind the others for awhile."

"...Alright dude, we're killing it! Victory riff!" and then the two of them started doing air guitar in their typical fashion.

"Yeah good to know, we've got more teams incoming." Don sent the Rockers on their way just as more teams began arriving at the Chill Zone with their cameras in hand, starting with Brains & Brawn "You're sixth place!"

Then the Performers.

"Seventh place!"

The Sisters.

"Eight place!"

Then the Goths.

"Ninth place! That's nine teams down, so only two remain." Don paused and spared a quick glance over at Junior "Well one and a half if you think about it. It's times like this it's important to be accurate."

All the while, Junior was looking out anxiously into the African landscape "Come on dad, where the heck are you? We're basically the only team left."

"Again for the sake of accuracy, there's still the Ice Dancers, and as far as I know they haven't even finished the first challenge."

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"And now I'm receiving an update. Nobody really knows where Dwayne is right now, aside from the fact that he's being chased by a rhino, but the Ice Dancers are actually doing the second challenge as we speak."

"Excellent, now smile for the camera." Jacques took the picture of Josee posing on top of the rhino, and once they were done they took off running "Excellent, at last our streak of loss will come to an end!"

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Meanwhile, with the other half of the separated team…

"RHINO!" Dwayne was still being chased by the angry rhino, and he screeched to a halt when he thought he lost it, only to hear a rustling in some bushes nearby "Junior? Junior is that you? Hey listen sport I think I lost the rhino, now let's get out of here and-" he poked his head into the bushes, which prompted him to take off running and screaming again "Oh god, you're not my son and I don't wanna die! Junior where are you?!"

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Meanwhile, with the other last place team…

"There it is, I can seel the Chill Zone!" with their camera in hand, Josee and Jacques made their way towards the Chill Zone, still posing and smiling as they usually did "Just a little bit further now, we're going to make it!"

"Um, I might not be so sure about that." Jacques pointed to where a certain rhino was charging towards them, with Dwayne latched onto its horn.

"Oh hell no! We did not fly all the way to Hawaii, do that stupid dance, then fly all the way to Africa and get ridiculed by a pilot that has no sense of style or taste in Olympic athletes, just to lose now!"

"So we run?"

"Of course we run, now shut up and move!" and so the two of them picked up the pace as they neared the Chill Zone.

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Meanwhile, at the Chill Zone itself…

"Well that's just great." Junior let out a sigh as he watched the Ice Dancers close in "Well here come the Ice Dancers, I guess that means my dad and I are pretty much done for now."

"Maybe not, take a look over there!" Carrie directed his attention to where Dwayne was still being carried on the rhino right behind the Ice Dancers.

"Wait is that my dad? And he's riding a rhino. Okay then."

"Just a little bit further and then-" Josee and Jacques were about to reach the Chill Zone, only for the rhino to end up running them over and leaving them in a battered heap "(Bleep)! This is why I hate rhinos!"

As it turns out, that was enough to make the rhino stop in its tracks, flinging Dwayne towards the Chill Zone, and then start chasing after them instead, leaving them running away screaming in a comical fashion.

"(Insert stream of bleeps that not even Family Guy would get away with saying)!"

All the while, Dwayne was left sprawled out in front of the Chill Zone "Ow…"

"Dad are you okay?" Junior crouched down to check on him, only to end up being pulled into a tight hug "And there goes my ability to breathe."

"JUNIO! Oh thank the great god above you're okay. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to finish the challenge pal, but I couldn't take any pictures. I just… I couldn't bare the thought of anything happening to you."

"Dad… who says we didn't finish?"

"Well it won't be me. The two of you are in tenth place!" this was when Don finally accepted their camera, and then spared a glance at where the Ice Dancers were still being chased by the angry rhino "And we should probably get one of the interns to do something about that. We don't wanna get sued."

"Yeah. I don't wanna be in their place right now."

"True enough, but getting back to priorities…" Dwayne pulled Junior into another hug so tight that it began choking him "I am SO proud of you son. Now the only thing we have left to do is make sure that your mother never sees this episode until either one of us dies."

"Okay okay dad that's enough, you're choking me. And can you put your shirt back on? This feels weird on so many levels."

"...Oh yeah, I kind of forgot about that." and so the two of them walked off.

"Ah, the joys of father and son bonding." Don watched as the two of them walked off, then glanced over to where the Ice Dancers were still dealing with the rhino "Okay, I just know we can't get any of that on screen or else risk some angry emails coming from the animal rights people."

"Let those tree huggers and animal lover choke on their tofu." this was when Josee and Jacques made their way over to the Chill Zone and handed their camera to Don "And tell that ugly beast to stay the hell down this time."

"Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. Now then, Jacques and Josee…"

"Don't bother saying it, we already know. We came in eleventh, last place… it means we're cut from the race. We just want all of our fans and our country to know that we tried our best up until now and we wish-"

"Actually there's some good news for the two of you. This is actually a non-elimination round, that means the two of you are still in the race."

"...YES!" Josee promptly let out a shrieking cheers as she heard this and pulled Jacques into a tight hug, resulting in numerous crunching noises "At long last our luck has changed, now we're back and we're better than ever! Now there isn't anything that's going to stop us on our quest to get the gold, and if anyone gets in our way, be it the other teams or anyone else, then we'll crush them without hesitation!" and she concluded this rant with an evil cackle.

"Huh. Well that's an entirely new level of disturbing." Don just watched the insane cackling go on, then turned to sign off the episode "But the question remains, can they live up to that fairly unsettling promise they've made? There's only one way to find out, and it's tune in next time, right here on… the Ridonculous Race!"

A/N:

Well here it is, the next installment. Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. I had another story I was working on, and I had some emotional baggage I had to deal with. But I'm here now, back doing one of the things I love. Anyway, onto details about this chapter. I figured that the Reality TV Pros deserved to have at least one win under their belt before they got eliminated, and I figured that if it was going to be anywhere, then it would be here.

As far as new interactions go, this one gets a little bit interesting. Since I cut out the Daters from the race this time around, I had to include another team to meet up with Junior in their place, so I decided to go with the Stepbrothers. Plus it gave me the chance to give a little bit more build up to when they actually stop hating each other. Also, I got to show a little bit of interaction between the Surfers and the Reality TV Pros, fellow Total Drama veterans, which is always fun.

Rankings:

Reality TV Pros- 1st

Surfers- 2nd

Stepbrothers- 3rd

Best Friends- 4th

Rockers- 5th

Brains & Brawn- 6th

Performers- 7th

Sisters- 8th

Goths- 9th

Father & Son- 10th

Ice Dancers- 11th

Elimination order:

LARPers - 18th

Tennis Rivals 17th

Geniuses - 16th

Vegans - 15th

Fashion Bloggers- 14th

Mother & Daughter- 13th

Adversity Twins- 12th