A Dramatic Ridonculous Race

by The Legendary Dragon Reaper

With Chris McLean rotting in prison, it seems like the era of Total Drama has come to an end. However, numerous contestants flock to other shows, and some find themselves in yet another race around the world, and they'll make some new friends along the way. Some of them may even find love.

13. The Shawshank Ridonction

(The Shawshank Ridonction)

Cody Fanatic: Thanks, I'm glad to see you liked it. Lightning's story was actually a nod to a certain sitcom I love, and I applaud anyone who gets the reference. Also yeah, I couldn't get rid of that team so soon. Yeah I did choose to give Jacques more of a sense of morality compared to how he was in canon, but keep in mind that everyone has a breaking point or that one button you just aren't supposed to push, and Dwayne pushed it.

SuperSonicHeroes: Thanks, I'm glad to see you liked it. Yeah, since the Reality TV Pros never won a leg of the race in canon, I figured I'd give them at least one win. It's not like they don't deserve it. Lightning's story was actually a nod to a certain sitcom I love, and I applaud anyone who gets the reference.

: Thanks, I'm glad to see you liked it. To be fair though, characters have gotten away with a lot worse in the Total Drama franchise. Leshawna is loud, sassy and loyal, but she sure as hell knows how to play the game. At least she isn't as bad as people like Heather or Alejandro, or the Ice Dancers for that matter. Yeah we're nearly at the Devin and Shelly part, and I do have some plans for how I'm going to go about that. As for what those plans are, you'll just have to wait and see.

Frosty Wolf: Yeah I know what you mean, the Ice Dancers cause a lot of crap throughout the season, Josee in particular. Give it time though, they'll get what they deserve. The antagonists always get what they deserve at the end of each season.

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"Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Things got intense in the most hysterical way possible as the remaining 11 teams took the race all the way to Africa. Dwayne thought he lost Junior for good, even though he was the one that actually ended up getting lost, and the Stepbrothers tried to lose each other for good, but I'm pretty sure you can imagine how well that went. Devin broke the truth to Junior that he's too young for Carrie, and that her sister has a boyfriend with his own agenda for this race, while Dwayne started to come to the realization that his little boy is becoming a little man, complete with chest hair that's apparently too hard to see. On another note, after taking a not so quick detour to return their cursed Hawaiian lava rock back to its home land, Jacques and Josee of the Ice Dancers came in last, but luckily for them it turned out to be a non-elimination round, so they're still in the race, and I'm sure that we're all ecstatic about that. We're almost halfway through the race, and the 11 remaining teams are inching ever closer to the grand prize of one million dollars. Speaking personally and for pretty much all of you out there, there's no way to know what's going to happen next, but I think it's safe to say that we're about to find out, because it's time for the next exciting installment of… the Ridonculous Race!"

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One intro later…

"And here we are again." once the into had come to an end, Don started off the new episode in front of the Chill Zone from the previous leg of the race "Let me start by welcoming all of you back to the previous Chill Zone here in Zambezi National Park. Now the winners of yesterday's leg of the race, in this case it's Noah and Owen of the Reality TV Pros, are about to collect the first travel tip of the day."

"And hopefully not get his pelvis crushed in the process." Noah stepped onto the scene, his tone dry as it always was "Though considering who my partner is, the odds of that happening are about as likely as Duncan giving up his piercings and his mohawk and becoming a productive and responsible member of society that doesn't have a criminal record. If you've watched Total Drama, then you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't watched Total Drama, then I salute you."

"Alright we're in first place, bring it in little buddy!" Owen suddenly scrooped Noah's tiny form up into his arms and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug.

"...I rest my case." Noah let out a tiny squeal of pain as he released himself from Owen's death grip, then pressed the button on the Don Box and pulled out a travel tip, which he promptly read out loud "Okay, in the universe's never ending bid to torture me, the tip says that we're gonna be heading to Australia."

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"Not the Blue Mountains specifically, but Australia itself serves as the home of the famous and unique Sydney Opera House, the majestic Ayers Rock, and several koalas that are so cute it's kind of disturbing, especially if you know how vicious they can be. Our remaining 11 teams will have to travel by bus to the Harare International Airport of Zimbabwe, then book seats on a flight that's headed to Melbourne. Once they land, they'll have to find the Don Box located outside the airport with their next tip, so they can see what's waiting for them down under."

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Meanwhile, with the frontrunner teams…

"Alright, we're going to Austrailia! This is awesome!" Owen pumped a fist in triumph, only to glance over and see Noah's ever permanent scowl deepen as the two of them started making their way towards the bus "Hey what gives little buddy, I thought you were gonna be excited for something like this."

"Oh yeah, this is just (bleep) dandy." Noah grumbled dryly "Going back to the continent where I got mauled by a dingo back during Total Drama World Tour."

"That's what that thing was? I thought it was just a sheep that already got sheered."

"Well it wasn't, and it later turned out that I got rabies from it, so that was fun. Frankly my only real solace going there this time is that the competition isn't being hosted by an unscrupulous, immoral and unethical (bleep) lunatic that could and probably would give the Nazis a run for their money." he paused and glanced over at the camera "Again, if you watched Total Drama then you know who I'm talking about, and you know I'm not exaggerating."

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"Right… so moving on from that, more and more of our remaining teams collect their travel tips and take their seats on the bus, but before any of them are allowed to get moving, they have to wait for the last team to board."

"Hey white boy, check out the devas over there." Leshawna jerked a thumb at where the Ice Dancers were gracefully leaping onto the bus and posing like they always did "You know they were always creepy, but frankly the goth wanna look makes it worse."

"That's one way I'd describe it." Trent glanced up at them "So… you guys are trying out a new look or something?"

"It's not surprising that the feeble minded don't understand it." Josee rolled her eyes "The purple was too friendly to the likes of you, but this new black attire will make it clear that the only smart course of action is for all of you to get out of our way."

"...Uh huh."

"I personally chose it because it washes with similar colors." Jacques told him "It's a lot more practical when it comes to doing laundry."

"Okay, that makes more sense."

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With all of the teams on board, it didn't take long for the bus to finally get on its way.

"Alright dad, just make sure to stick with me today." Junior shot a look at Dwayne "The last thing that either of us need or want is for you to get lost like you did yesterday, got it?"

"What do you- What?!" Dwayne was left sputtering as he tried to think of a comeback "But I wasn't the one who- You were the one that- Okay let's just set the record straight mister. I don't have a problem with directions, the problem I have involves me following directions. There is a huge difference between the two of them. But then again, I guess that's just part of my ruggedly handsome charm."

"...Yeah, try that one again."

"What, my doey middle-aged charm?"

"Yeah, that one's better."

"...Okay then, I'll take what I can get."

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"All of our 11 remaining teams are now on board the same flight to Melbourne, Australia, which is set to last for a full 13 hours. Getting some sleep and resting would be beneficial to them, so in order to make things a lot more interesting, and by that I mean less boring, we decided to give each of the teams something to worry about instead."

"Attention teams!" the sound of a loud air horn was blasted throughout the plane, and then a certain image showed up on the screens in front of everyone "Attention teams, what you see in front of you is known as a Boomerang. If you find one attached to your travel tip, then you can use it at the next Don Box to send one of thea teams back to repeat the last challenge. But be warned, you can only use it once, so make sure to use it wisely."

"Huh. Well that's like dumping a barrel of gas into a fire." Trent glanced over at Leshawna and cringed at the look on her face "Okay look, before you go all gung ho with this, I wanna go ahead and get this out there now. If we get our hands on a Boomerang then we gotta be smart about how we use it, not just pounce on the Ice Dancers like a couple of predators the first chance we get."

"Oh come on, you really think I'm gonna charge in like a crazed bull or some stupid crap like that?" Leshawna shot an annoyed glare at him "When was the last time you saw me do anything like that?"

"I'm keeping in mind the time you tried to run over Heather with a four-wheeler back at Campt Wawanakwa. Plus that's not the only time you being impulsive and jumping the gun caused all sorts of hell for other contestants."

"When has me jumping the gun screwed anyone else over?" she was met with Trent giving her a dull look and just pointing at himself "Oh. Right. (Bleep)."

"And there we go."

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Meanwhile, in another area of the plane…

"Oh yeah, now that's what I'm talking about…" Geoff glanced over to where Bridgette was fast asleep and leaning on his shoulder, then back at the magazine in front of him "Yeah, she's totally gonna love you."

"Hey Geoff do you have a second-"

"Son of a-" Geoff whipped around to find Carrie standing next to him, and he quickly hid the magazine in his hat "Yeah sure, I was just… looking at pictures of… cowboy hats. Yeah, that's totally it, nothing else."

"Um… okay? I was just hoping you and Bridgette had a minute to talk, but I can see that she's asleep and you're… busy."

"No no, I'm done. I am now anyway. So what's up bra?"

"Well I've been doing a lot of thinking and… I've decided that I'm going to tell Devin how I feel about him."

"Holy crap, are you serious?"

"Yeah, I really am. I've known how I felt about him for years and I can't hold it in any longer than I already have, so I wrote it down and as soon as I get the chance, I'm gonna tell him that I love him."

"Alright that's awesome, it's about time too. Seriously, I've only known you guys for about three years and it feels like I've been waiting forever for it to happen. Oh and just throwing this one out there, I call dibs on being best man."

"I think that's Devin's choice, but yeah I'd love that. So… what exactly were you looking at before I came here?"

"Oh, that. That's just a little pet project I've had going on for the past few weeks, but I'm gonna wait to put it into action until the end of the race."

All the while, Kitty and Emma were listening to the exchange taking place from their own seats on the opposite side of their row, and the former gave a grin "Well now, it must be really brave for someone to tell another person how they really feel right?"

"I'm not in the mood for you trying to play matchmaker." Emma told her dryly.

"Don't make me and I won't have to."

"Son of a- Alright fine, I'm gonna tell Noah how I feel about him."

"Yes!"

"But not until after the race is over."

"...(Bleep)."

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Several hours passed, and the flight finally came to a close as the plane landed in Australia, which signified the start of the race.

"Come on homie let's go, I can see the Don Box!" Devin and Carrie were at the front of the pack as all of the teams took off running out of the airport and towards the Don Box, and the former was the first one to grab a tip "Yes, this one is gonna be awesome!"

"Hey listen Devin, I really need to-" Carrie didn't get a chance to finish before Devin grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into a taxi, which promptly took off "Take it easy homie, you almost ripped my arm out of its socket."

"Sorry about that homie, I'm just really excited. Anyway, the tip says that first we have to stop in at the Geelong Maximum Security Prison."

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"The famous Geelong Maximum Security Prison had closed back in the year 1991, but during the 146 years in which it had been operational, it was one of the most brutal and violent lockups on the face of the Earth. But like most places that were known for torture and sadism, now it's been turned into an extreme hot spot for travel. Anyway, as the teams arrive, they're going to be thrown into cells by interns dressed up as prison guards, and each cell has been equipped with one of four different methods for them to use to escape. The methods in question are either a hidden tunnel, a secret trap door, a set of hidden tools or any of the bars being loosened. Once they manage to break out of their cells, they're free to make their way to the final Don Box of the day, which has been placed alongside the Barwon river. This is the only place in which teams can use the Boomerang, because after the teams pass this point, the Boomerang expires. But on a more positive note, as a special bonus treat for this being the halfway point of the race, the team that wins today's leg of the race gets to make a single phone call home."

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Meanwhile, at the Don Box…

"Hey cool, it says that if we win then we get to make a phone call home." Junior stowed away the travel tip and glanced up at Dwayne "That means if we win the race today, then we could call mom."

"Or better yet, we can order a pizza." Dwayne let out a chuckle, only to immediately shut up when he saw Junior pointing at the camera "Oh yeah. But of course you know that I'm only joking when I say that, the truth is that I love your mother just as much as I love pizza- I mean more than I love pizza. Oh boy, I'm really hoping that they edit this part out."

"You know they won't."

"I know, but let me have this." and so the two of them took off running.

"Step aside peasants, the champions are coming through!" Josee and Jacques arrived at the Don Box not long after Father & Son were gone, and the former grabbed a tip from the Don Box, which happened to have something attached to it that prompted her to pump a fist in triumph, only to end up hitting Jacques in the face and knocking him to the ground, though she took no notice of this "Yes, the Boomerang! At last I've gained the long-awaited ticket back to where I belong, at the top of the podium! Do you know what this means Jacques?"

"That I may need medical attention?" was Jacques' input from where he lay sprawled out on the ground.

"No, it means that first you get the gold, then you get your hands on the Boomerang, and then you get the POWER!" and then she started cackling in a maniacal way.

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Meanwhile, with the determined one and his future love interest…

"Oh you gotta be kidding me, now we're stuck in traffic." Devin slumped back in his seat in frustration, but then he got an idea "Hey driver, if you get us past the rest of these guys then I'll give you a really big tip." and that was enough to make the driver grab hold of the steering wheel and slam on the gas "Yes, now that's what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah, so… Devin, here's the thing." Carrie nervously glanced up at him "I know that-" she didn't get to finish before they started hitting every bump in the road.

"Yes, now pass these guys too! Oh man I love this!"

"That's great Devin, but speaking of loving things, or loving people in this case, I wanted to tell you that I-" and then she got thrown right out of her seat.

"Oh yeah, this just keeps getting better! Hey driver, can you put on some kind of racing music while we're going?" he was met with the sound of comical banjo music "Not quite what I had in mind, but I'll take it. Anyway what did you wanna say Carrie?"

"...Forget it, I'll just tell you later." Carrie let out a sigh and sadly looked away.

"Alright, if you say so homie. Anyway driver, punch it!"

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Meanwhile, in another cab…

"Oh man, hell of a view out there." Geoff glanced out the window of the cab at the countryside of Australia "Looks like some gnarly as hell waves out there too, huh babe?"

"Yeah, the kind of place you'd feel content with for a whole lifetime." Bridgette gave a small wistful smile as she glanced out at the view, but then her demeanor quickly turned serious as she glanced down at the tip "You know if we end up winning the phone call today, I think I'd want to call my mom. Are you gonna be okay with that? I mean I know we only get the one phone call, and if you wanted to use it…"

"Sure go for it babe, your mom is awesome, and my folks and my bros are all off doing some other stuff anyway. You cool if I talk to her for a minute too?"

"Yeah sure, what about though?"

"Nothing too big, I just wanna ask her something."

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Meanwhile, with the current frontrunners…

"Alright we're here, now let's do this." once they cab pulled up to the prison, Devin was quick to usher himself and Carrie out, and then he rushed off to start the challenge.

"Thank you for the ride, it was very scary." Carrie waved the cab away, then let out a sigh as she turned towards the camera "I have to tell Devin how I feel about him as soon as I can. If we win the race today and he calls Shelley, then it could end up ruining everything that's been going on between the two of us."

"Carrie come on, we've got a race to win!"

"Uh… yeah I'm coming homie, be there in a second!" so Carrie joined Devin in front of the gate to the prison, only to suddenly find themselves being handcuffed "What the-"

"Welcome to Geelong Maximum Security Prison." as it turns out, the ones responsible for their handcuffs were large men dressed as prison guards "We'll be escorting you to your cells for this challenge."

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A few minutes later, in a cell…

"You know the weird part of this?" Carrie watched as the cell door was shut in front of them, and then she glanced over at Devin "This still isn't as scary as the ride in that cab."

"Yeah well, it got us here fast enough didn't it? Anyway here's what I'm thinking, you take a look around for trap doors and I'll check and see if any of the bars are loose."

"Got it. And Devin?"

"Yeah?"

"There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. You see, for a really long time now, I actually-"

"Hang on homie save it for the Chill Zone, we've got work to do."

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"One by one, the teams arrive at Geelong Maximum Security Prison, where they're cuffed by the prison guards and led into cells. Some of them do go along with it peacefully, but some of them not so much, whether it be by running away… or by pouncing on them like a predator that's out for blood in the most hilarious way possible."

"Well this is a complete load of (bleep)." Leshawna grumbled from where she stood handcuffed to one of the bars on the door, shooting an annoyed glare at Trent as she did so "Way to help out back there white boy, now the guards had to be jerks and stick us with a handicap!"

"Hey I didn't do anything, you're the one that punched his mask in." Trent shot her a glare of his own "I figured his screaming about glass and blood and his eyes would've tipped you off that you went too far."

"The dude yanked my hair and tried to twist my arm behind my back, and my boy Harold can tell you for a fact, because if there's anyone who's gonna know it then it's him, that it doesn't bend that way on its own."

"Then there's the fact that you kicked him in the crotch, then you snatched his baton and tried to shove it up his-"

"Alright alright, you made your point. Too impulsive and all that stuff."

"...Well it could be worse." Trent let out a sigh "At least you didn't try to run him over like you did Heather."

"If he called me a big-butted, loud-mouthed, mall shopping homegirl and there were a couple of four-wheelers nearby then I would've thought about it."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. Alright enough bickering, let's focus on trying to find a way out of here."

"Fine." Leshawna tugged on the bars that she was cuffed to, only for them not to budge "These things ain't gonna budge."

"I figured as much, that one is probably too obvious. Give me a minute, I'll see if there are any tools hidden in the bunk beds over there."

"Let me use it first if there are, this cuff is chafing like all hell."

"Hey big loud and proud, would it kill you to keep it down?" Josee barked at her from her own cell next to them "We're trying to think over here!"

"Don't worry about that, trying anything for the first time is hard." Leshawna let out a chuckle, only to be met with a deadpan look from Trent "Oh come on, you can't tell me that one wasn't super easy."

"It was too easy." Trent told her dryly.

"So you get it."

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Meanwhile, with the future bromance…

"Hey check this out!" Chet smacked a hand into the back of Lorenzo's head and slammed it against the bars of the cell door, earning a yelp of pain "Well I'll be damned, if that thick skull of yours can't break us out then I doubt anything will."

"Oh is that what you wanna do? Well then why don't we see how thick your skull is and check that wall too!" Lorenzo grabbed Chet by the back of the head and slammed him into the back wall of the cell in retaliation "How do you like that one?"

"About as much as that ugly mug you call a face!" and then the two of them started strangling each other in their typical comedic fashion "Hey let the hell go of me!"

"How about you let the hell go of me!"

"Like hell I'm letting go!"

"I… I can't breathe!"

"Yeah well… neither can I!" so the two of them released their death grip on each other and took a moment to catch their breath.

"Okay, so I think we're really trapped in here."

"Yeah no (bleep) Sherlock, but lucky for you I already came up with a plan that we can use to get out of here."

"Sure you did, the difference here is that I actually came up with a good plan."

"So what, the plan I came up with is totally awesome!"

"Big deal, the plan that I've got is awesome and actually good!"

"Fine, so how about we go with this. We both say our plans on the count of three."

"And whichever plan is the least stupid wins."

"Agreed. One."

"Two."

"Three!"

"We grab a mirror and put it up to the bars-"

"-so that the guard thinks he locked himself in and opens the cell-"

"-and once he opens it we jump him and run like hell!" the two of them stopped short and shared a look of shock and disbelief "Woah."

"Yeah."

"Did we both just come up with the same super brilliant idea?"

"Yeah, I think we did. Okay new test, who does the best live action Spider-Man."

"Come on dude, that one was totally obvious. Tobey Maguire is a great Peter Parker."

"And Andrew Garfield is a great Spider-Man."

"But Tom Holland is the only one that's great at being both." and then the two of them shared even more gasps "Holy (bleep) on a stick."

"Did… Did we just stop hating each other?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we did."

"...GUARD! WE NEED A MIRROR!"

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Meanwhile, with the oldest bromance in the race…

"And here I thought Alejandro was going to be the first contestant from Total Drama to end up behind bars. Well, second if you count Duncan anyway." Noah glanced around the interior of the cell and frowned in thought, only for the sound of a zipper to catch his attention, and he looked over to see Owen on the toilet with his pants down "Oh god no, anything but that. Hold it in, for the love of (bleep) hold it in!"

"Sorry little buddy, but I'm just as unhappy about this as you are." Owen promptly let out a fart loud enough to shake the building, and he let out a chuckle.

"I think you'll understand my skepticism. Seriously though, what in the name of hell do you eat for breakfast?"

"What don't I eat? We're talking about me here."

"Alright fine, ask a stupid question and all that good stuff."

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Meanwhile, with the newest bromance…

"You know what your problem is dude?" Lorenzo and Chet were in the middle of enacting their plan to provoke one of the guards into giving them a mirror, which wasn't working out as well as they thought it was "You probably don't have a mirror on you because then you'd see how ugly as all hell you are!"

"Oh yeah, that's totally gotta be it!" Chet let out a loud snort "I'm glad I don't have that face stuck to my head!"

"No doubt about it, if I had your face stuck to my head then… I don't know, I'd do something about it!"

"Yeah, like go to a face-changing doctor and get a new face!" and then the two of them broke off from their verbal beatdown and made their way towards the bunk beds.

"Holy crap, that verbal beatdown we just gave him was totally insane!"

"I know, it was like a word-nado of slams!"

"I bet when he wakes up tomorrow morning he's gonna be so screwed up from those slams that he'll be in a coma!"

"Totally! Hey I call dibs on the bottom bunk!" Chet leapt onto the bottom bunk, causing the mattress to break through and land on the floor "Uh… that didn't happen." and then the two of them burst out laughing.

"Hey it could've been worse dude, I mean just imagine if-" Lorenzo climbed onto the top bunk, causing the floor beneath them to give out, sending both of them falling down the hidden trap door and screaming in terror all the whiler.

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"Well on one hand, the Stepbrothers have found the trap door hidden in their cell, and they've officially landed themselves in first place. On the other hand, the rest of the teams are keeping up with their search in their own cells, and they're getting more and more desperate and frustrated with each passing moment. It's more hilarious with some than it is with others."

"Wait Josee, listen to this." Jacques tapped on one of the tiles on the floor "Does this spot here sound different to you? It sounds somewhat hollow, maybe it leads to a trap door. Josee are you listening?"

"I can't hear you, I'm in the middle of having a panic attack!" true to her word, Josee was frantically grabbing at the door to their cell while breathing heavily "It feels like there isn't any air in here. Do prisoners not get air in Australia? Is that part of going to jail in Austrailia, they cut off your (bleep) air supply?!"

"What are you talking about? Come on Josee, there's plenty of air in here. Are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine, I just need to get some air so I'm not suffocating! Oh god it's the bars on the door and the window, they're blocking the air from getting in here!" and so she started ramming into the cell door door to try and break it down.

"Josee wait, that's not going to solve anything! All you're going to do is-" Jacques was cut off by a loud crash, courtesy of Josee bashing through them and falling to the ground with a thud "-find us a way out through some loose bars, yes well done Josee!"

"Yes, I can breath again… I also think I might have internal bleeding."

"Hold on, I'll get you to a medic and-"

"No!" Josee bolted to her feet "I'm not letting anything stop me from getting the gold that I so rightfully deserve!"

"Um… you mean we so rightfully deserve, right?"

"Yeah sure, whatever you need to tell yourself." it was then that they glanced over to see the Performers watching the scene from within their own cell "Don't judge me!"

"I think we have more important things to worry about right now Josee. Just take a moment to catch your breath before we get going." Jacques let out a sigh himself as he leaned against the wall next to the Performers' cell "She gets like this at certain times."

"You mean because of claustrophobia?" asked Trent.

"Actually yes, she's had it ever since we were young. How did you know?"

"I dated Gwen for awhile remember? She has that whole fear about being buried alive, which I'm pretty sure came from claustrophobia in the first place, and I actually have this penpal online named Jasmine that lives here in Australia. She's really big and strong and into the outdoors, but she's got pretty bad claustrophobia too, and she told me all about how to recognize it and how to deal with it."

"Huh. Convenient."

"I know right? Oh yeah the race, anyway if you help me and Leshawna out of here then I swear we'll owe you one."

"Fine, but you will owe us one." Josee promptly bolted to her feet and looked both of them dead in the eye "And I have one other condition."

"What's that?"

"If you may recall, the host of the show that made you two famous to begin with took part in a figure skating show."

"Oh yeah, I actually saw that awhile back. One of the guys dropped his partner on her head right in the middle of his huge spiral move and-" Leshawna cut herself short as the realization dawned on her, then she looked at Josee and promptly burst out laughing, much to Josee's fury.

"Go ahead and keep laughing, I'll shove my skates up that oversized hole you've got in the back of your-"

"ANWAY." Trent was quick to cut that conflict short before it escalated too far "We're getting off topic here, what was your point again?"

"Right. As I'm sure you've figured out, that was us." Josee's scowl grew deeper as she had to hear Leshawna continuing to laugh "But the only reason that happened was because that piece of (bleep) McLean had distracted us and made us lose focus. I want you to say outright that he did because he was cheating."

"Didn't you guys get immunity that week?"

"That's not the point, I want you to say that McLean is a liar and a cheater!"

"...Oh." Trent glanced over at Leshawna, the two of them sharing a look in silence, and then they both turned back to Josee "Oh yeah, we totally believe it."

"You see Jacques, I told you it wasn't just me being paranoid. Now let's go, we have a victory to claim." so Josee grabbed Jacques by the arm and started dragging him out of the way "See you at the finish line."

"Hey hold up a second, you said you were gonna help us!"

"And that's what I'm doing, I'm helping the two of you to go home." and then the two of them went on their way out of the prison.

"...Well that backfired."

"No (bleep) Sherlock, what did you think was gonna happen?" Leshawna shot an annoyed look at him.

"I thought it was at least worth a shot, and it didn't land." Trent let out a sigh "Last time I take any chances with divas like her or Heather."

"About time we got on the same page white boy."

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Meanwhile, with a certain pair of best friends…

"Come on come on, there's gotta be something in here." Devin continued his search for a way to escape from the cell, though he found little success in this endeavor "Come on homie keep on looking, this is one round that we have to win!"

"Or maybe we could just take a break for a minute." Carrie offered an innocent smile "I mean breaks are good aren't they?"

"Not the time homie, we've got a race to win and I've got a phone call to make!"

"Well yeah I get that, but the thing is that I need to tell you something really important. The thing is that I-"

"I got it!" Devin pulled apart a pillow from the bunk beds and picked up a bar cutter, to which he went over to the window and started cutting the bars "Now that right there is what I'm talking about. Anyway go ahead and say whatever you need to, I'm listening."

"Well that's the thing." Carrie took a breath as she pulled out a piece of paper "You see Devin, as we grew up together, there are a lot of things that I remember. Like how happy you were when you finally got off your training wheels off your bike, or when you wore your favorite shirt backwards for an entire school year. But there's one thing that I can't remember, and that was a time where I wasn't head over heels in love with you." she looked up, only to find that the bars on the window were gone and Devin was nowhere to be seen "Devin? Devin did you hear what I was saying?"

"Sorry homie, on too much of a hot streak to drop it now! Tell me later, we've got us a race and a phone call to win! Climb down through the window, I'll catch you!"

"...Well I can at least get him to hold me like a princess." Carrie let out a sigh of resignation as she climbed out of the cell through the window.

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Meanwhile, with the oldest bromance in the race…

"Oh yeah, now that's a heck of a load off right there." Owen breathed a sigh of relief as he set down another empty roll of toilet paper next to the other half dozen littering the floor, and he looked back to see Noah huddled on the bed behind him in terror "Hey tell me something little buddy, where do you think it's gonna go down there? I mean it had to go somewhere, keep in mind that everything has to go somewhere."

"Some things are meant to go to places to die out and never be seen again." Noah was left shaking violently in a comical fashion "For example, if a severely traumatized bookworm were to experiencing something that would scar him for life, he'd choose to repress it in the deepest recesses of his mind. The first step involves us getting the (bleep) out of here."

"Huh. Good for you little buddy. But seriously, it's gotta go somewhere." Owen tapped against the toilet, resulting in the sound of a hollow ringing "Hey cool, it's gotta trap door!"

"...This whole thing is gonna be burned into my mind forever isn't it?"

"Come on and help me open it, we're getting out of here!"

"Yeah, let me think about that. Thinking, thinking, thinking, no."

"Why not?"

"Owen, I would rather let you use my body as a battering ram and have my bones shattered beyond recognition than let you drag me down into the-" he was cut off by the wall behind him bursting open.

"Well that turned out to be about as promising as Teen Titans Go." Emma emerged through the hole in the wall, with Kitty right next to her "All we got out of that is breaking into some other cell, now what the hell are we supposed to do?"

"Emma?"

"Noah? Hey."

"Hey." the two of them locked eyes and they both started blushing.

"So… any chance the two of you have found a way out of here?"

"A way out? There's at least a chance. A way out that doesn't include toxic fumes that would kill us in ridiculously painful and gruesome ways? Less likely."

"What does that mean?"

"Okay I got it!" Owen managed to rip the toilet off its hinges, exposing the trap door "Alright everybody it's this way, right down the poop tube!"

"...I shouldn't have asked."

"A lot of people make that mistake at first." Noah told her dryly.

"Well it could be a lot worse. It's not like anyone's actually been using those things, I mean this prison has been closed for decades."

"Yeah, about that…" he jerked a thumb at Owen.

"...Oh. Well that's just great. Did he do number one or number two?"

"Knowing Owen, it usually goes all the way up to number seven, but most of the time it's got the consistency of-"

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Meanwhile, with the current frontrunners…

"Number one!" Chet pumped a fist in triumph as he slammed his other hand down on the Don Box and pulled out a tip "Oh hell yeah man, we're in first place! We're really in first place for the second time!"

"Yeah no doubt about how awesome we- Wait, second time?" Lorenzo shot a raised eyebrow at him "When was the first time?"

"Transylvania with the creepy horses."

"Oh yeah, that was creepy. But seriously, you're like the coolest brother ever! So what's gonna be the challenge?"

"It says that it's another All In, something called Craft a Raft."

"That sounds like a stupid name."

"Yeah, but this is gonna be totally awesome!"

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"As was mentioned by Chet, the second challenge of the day is another All In challenge, one in which each team will have to construct a raft and sail it down the Barwon River, until they reach the dock that leads to the Chill Zone for this leg of the race. As is to be expected by now, the last team to arrive at the Carpet of Completion may be cut from the competition entirely."

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Back with the frontrunners…

"Oh hell yeah, this is gonna be awesome!" Lorenzo's grin only grew wider "You know what the hell with the raft, I say we go ahead and build us a floating spaceship!"

"Holy crap!" Chet let out a gasp "It's like you're inside my brain, hearing my ideas and taking them before I even have them!"

"And you know what else, we should get our own theme song!"

"Oh god totally! Stepbrothers, Stepbrothers, we're the Stepbrothers and we're gonna win the race and the million! YEAH!"

"Oh my god… that was GENIUS!" and then the two of them high fived.

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Meanwhile, with the othe frontrunner team…

"Come on homie let's keep moving, we gotta be the first ones there!" Devin led Carrie by the hand down the path following the river in search of the Don Box.

"Devin, can we…" Carrie was left panting heavily as she tried to keep pace with him "Can we just… slow down a little bit… Lungs are on fire… legs feel like jelly…"

"No time homie, the Don Box is right there so let's pick up the pace!"

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Meanwhile, back in the prison…

"Okay, so… that happened." Trent looked around at the wreckage that used to be their prison cell, and then he glanced over at Leshawna "You got it out of your system now?"

"Hey word to the wise white boy, you don't wanna interrupt a girl who's letting our a ton of hardcore rage." Leshawna breathed a sigh as she set down the remains of a mattress "But yeah, I think I'm good now. Call it a lesson to you too, don't play ball with evil white divas like that ice skater chick."

"Alright you made your point, and apparently you ripping apart the cell to let out rage didn't find us any tools or trap doors, so we're gonna have to try and come up with something else."

"Easy fix white boy, just give me a second." Leshawna promptly grabbed hold of the bars on the window and pulled, creating a large hole in the wall "There you go."

"How exactly did you-?"

"A combination of girl power, pure rage, and a few bran muffins I had during the flight from Africa."

"...Fair enough, now let's go."

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Meanwhile, with a certain alliance…

"Oh god this reeks so bad." Kitty and the others continued making their way through the tunnel from the toilet, which ended up leading into the sewer system "Seriously, I feel like I'm either gonna puke or pass out. Probably both."

"Well who knows what that's about." Owen gave a nervous grin as he noticed the dirty looks he was getting from the others "I mean there could be any number of reasons for it, who could say for sure when it comes to-"

"Oh yeah, it's mysterious enough to be the eight great wonder of the world." Noah grumbled, his tone dry and oozing with sarcasm.

"Hey come on little buddy, you don't have to be like that."

"Yes, I really do."

"Everbody poops, I mean there's even this whole book about it. What's it called again?"

"It's called a reason to hold it in your-" Noah cut himself short when he and the others looked behind Owen and saw a large alligator staring at them "Aw crapbaskets."

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Meanwhile, in the race along the Barwon River…

"Oh yeah, this is the best day of my life." Chet and Lorenzo made their way down the river in their raft built to look like a spaceship "Full impulse captain!"

"Prepare to engage transport drive Mr Chet!" Lorenzo saluted him, and the two of them started making laser noises.

"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" this was when Devin and Carrie came up behind the Stepbrothers on their own raft, and they were quickly catching up to them.

"Red alert! Red alert!" and then Chet and Lorenzo started making laser noises as they pretended to fire lasers from their oars, which allowed the Best Friendss to pass them and move into first place "Yep it's official, this is the greatest day of my life!"

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"As the Stepbrothers celebrate their fall from first place to second place, yes the irony of that is not lost on me, and the Best Friends take the lead, most of the other teams have busted out of their cells and gone into the business of building rafts for the second challenge, and the teams that haven't started are currently headed for the river to join the rest of the teams that are setting sail for the Chill Zone."

"There's the Don Box, now all we have to do is-" Josee was cut short when she tripped on a rock and fell face first into a large puddle of mud, only to hear someone burst out laughing, to which she immediately bolted tio her feet in a rage "Okay, who's the dead (bleep) that laughed?"

"It's whom actually." was Jacques' input, earning him a death glare "What, I'm just trying to be grammatically correct, it's whom."

"I don't care!"

"And it was me for the record, watching you get a face full of-" Leshawna was cut off by a handful of mud being thrown in her face "Oh you did NOT just do that."

"I think I just did, what are you gonna do about it Big Loud and Proud?"

"...You wanna run that the (bleep) by me again?"

"Oh boy." Trent shared an apprehensive look with Jacques "Speaking from experience I can tell you now for a fact, setting her off like that can't possibly end well."

"You're asking for it you little white cow, let me tell you now that you be playing with the wrong sista!"

"That's what you think, but I know I'm going to enjoy this." Josee's smirk widened as she pulled out her Boommerang, causing Leshawna to freeze "Now what do you have to say to that?"

"The short version, this." Trent suddenly pulled out his own Boomerage "Drop the thing before this gets ugly."

"Not a chance pretty boy, you drop yours."

"Look I'm trying to be the reasonable one here, since I think it's pretty obvious it isn't gonna be you or Leshawna. None of us actually wanna go home today, but if we use our Boomerangs on each other like this…"

"Oh no he's right Josee, this is a bad idea." Jacques tried to call her off.

"Exactly."

"Son of a…" Josee let out a snarl, then she sighed in resignation "You rip your Boomerang in half and then I'll do the same."

"Don't trust her hon, she's lying through those yellow teeth!" Leshawna tried to stop Trent, only to be met with another snarl from Josee.

"My teeth are as white as you are round you overweight piece of-"

"No bringing weight into this!" Trent shut her up "If we're gonna do this then we gotta do it on three and we do it together, deal?"

"Fine, we do it on three. One."

"Two."

"Three!" there was a tense silence overtaking both teams, but nothing happened.

"...It's a trap!" Leshawna wiped the mud off her face as she prepared to charge.

"You lying little- That's it!"

"Wait no don't!" Trent tried to stop Leshawna, but it proved to be in vain as she charged forward in her rage, forcing him to make his move "Boomerang!"

"Boomerang!" Josee made her own move at the same time, which for some reason ended up leading to both Leshawna and Jacques falling to the ground as if they had been shot.

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"As a result of the double Boomerang, which was as hilarious as it was epic, the two teams are sent back to Geelong Maximum Security Prison, where they're forced to reside in the mother of all cells, known as the Black Hole. For the Performers and the Ice Dancers, the race to not come in last has officially begun."

"Well… this could've gone better." Jacques glanced over at the others "Perhaps a brief truce should be in order at the moment, at least until we get out of here and back to the river?"

"...Yeah alright, it only makes sense." Trent shared a quick glance with Leshawna, then turned back to the others "For now let's split up and each look for a different way out, once we find something we let the others know right away. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Good, now let's get to it."

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Meanwhile, with the frontrunners…

"Come on homie, I can see the Chill Zone up ahead!" Devin and Carrie reached the dock at the end of the Barwon River, to which he helped Carrie off the raft and they took off running toward the Chill Zone.

"And just like that, the race for first place has come to an end." Don was quick to greet the Best Friends when they arrived "Congratulations, you're the winners for today's leg of the race, and that means you've won the phone call home." he promptly handed Devin his cell phone "I'm gonna need that back when you're done though."

"Awesome, I'm gonna call Shelley okay homie?" so Devin started dialing on the phone, but he was quick to run into a problem "Crap, it keeps going to her voice mail. Hey Don?"

"No worries, you can keep trying until you get through to someone."

"Great, thanks."

"Listen Devin, I really need to tell you something before you talk to her." Carrie tried to grab his attention, to no avail.

"Hang on homie, just give me a second. Come on Shelley, pick up."

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Meanwhile, with the now current frontrunners…

"This is getting more awesome by the minute" Chet and Lorenzo continued making their way down the Barwon River, only now they were closing in on the dock near the Chill Zone, and they were still having the time of their lives "Propulsive systems activation guidance guidinng right away!"

"Affirmative, you have now been cleared for docking merger alignment readings." Lorenzo was quick to try and dock the boat "This is so freaking awesome!"

"I know, hey do you think Don is gonna let us keep our spaceship when this is over?" this question was promptly answered by their raft hitting the dock and shattering into pieces, leaving them crying and hugging as they fell into the water, but they quickly got over it and rushed over to the Chill Zone "That was amazing!"

"I know, how cool did we just look?"

"We must have looked so freaking cool!"

"Actually you didn't, but if it's any consolation, the two of you are in second place." Don was immediately met with a series of cheers.

"YES! Stepbrothers, Stepbrothers, we're the Stepbrothers! YEAH!"

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"The race for first place is over, and now the race for second place has come to an end as well, but the race for last place is still ongoing, and it seems to be down to the two teams still trapped in the Black Hole."

"Hey guys check it out, up there!" Trent directed everyone's attention towards a trap door in a hatch on the ceiling of the cell "I think we should be able to reach it if we try climbing on each other's shoulders."

"Fine, let's just get this over with." Josee let out a low growl as the four of them were stacked up on each other's shoulders, with her moving to be at the top, only to be stopped by Leshawna's hand gripping her by the shoulder "You'd better have a good reason for touching me."

"Good in that I'm getting a point across." Leshawna's gaze hardened "You try and stab us in the back and you're gonna pay for it ten fold."

"Oh please, like you're gonna scare me with-" she was promptly grabbed by the back of her ponytail.

"I'll break every single bone in your body, tie you in a knot and stuff you in a sack, then chuck your body to the wolves."

"...Well it's more than enough to scare me." Jacques nervously glanced over at Trent "Remind me again how it is you work with her so easily."

"You just gotta get to know her." Trent gave a shrug "Once that happens it's pretty easy to deal with… you know. Isn't your partner the same way?"

"More or less, only to have to multiply it by the number of years we've been ice dancing."

"Is that a lot?"

"Oh yes."

"...Well damn."

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Meanwhile, at the Chill Zone…

"And here comes the rest of the teams!" Don started counting off the rest of the teams as they arrived at the Chill Zone, starting with Brains & Brawn "Third place!"

Then came Father & Son.

"Fourth place!"

The Rockers.

"Fifth place!"

The Sisters.

"Sixth place!"

The Reality TV Pros.

"Seventh place!"

The Surfers.

"Eighth place!"

The Goths.

"Ninth place!" Don watched as the teams that checked in went on their way "Nine teams are down, only two are left, and it's gonna be a close one. Not just for them either."

As it turns out, Devin was still trying to get through to Shelley, with little success "Oh come on, if there was one time for you to pick up it's now!"

"Devin seriously, can I please just tell you?" Carrie was pretty much ignored.

"Seriously, what are the odds of getting voicemail 17 times in a row?"

"Based on current events, pretty good." Don told him dryly "You know you're welcome to keep trying, but time is gonna be up once the last team checks in."

"What?!" and that led him to start dialing again.

"Of course I can imagine that there are at least a few people that want you to run out of time, not that you're paying enough attention to care."

"What was that? You say something?"

"I rest my case." Don shot a grin over at Carrie, then turned towards the camera "Anyway, while lover boy is trying to get a hold of his girlfriend why don't we take a look and see how the last two teams are doing?"

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"Now for a progress update regarding our last place teams: the Ice Dancers and Performers have made it out of the Black Hole and are now working on building their rafts for the race down the Barwon River. Of course, being out of the prison means that their temporary truce has come to an end. The race to not come in last place is on."

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Meanwhile, at the Chill Zone…

"Come on, come on… Oh thank god." Devin breathed a sigh of relief as he finally got through on the cell phone "Hey Shelley. Oh thanks Ashton."

"Get the girl?" Don shot him a rasied eyebrow.

"No Ashton is her tennis instructor, he's just getting her now." and then he went back to the phone "Shelley hey, it's Devin. No Devin, as in your boyfriend. Wait wait hold on, when did we break up? Wait, you're dating Ashton? Since when? But we were still together when- Wait, what does me entering the race have to do with Carrie?"

"Huh?" Carrie looked up at her name being mentioned, and her face went pale.

"Yeah I told Carrie about the race first, what difference does it make? I tried to call you but you weren't picking up, that was the day you were off getting that deep-tissue massage, so I went home and I ran into Carrie. So what if I told her about the race and asked her to enter with me and not you? Look you are making way too big of a deal out of nothing."

"Ouch." Don shot a quick glance over at the camera "I can tell you from personal experience, that's one thing you should never say to a girl if you don't want to get kicked in the kiwis."

"Wait, what the heck does that mean? Are you seriously telling me that if I want to keep dating you then I can never talk to Carrie again?" Devin glanced back at Carrie and saw how distraught she looked, and his expression hardened "Look I don't care if you are my girlfriend, what makes you think you can tell me who I can and can't be friends with? And what the hecl gives you the right to talk about Carrie like that? I can't believe you, when did you get so shallow?" his anger slowly dissipated on the surface, but his expression stayed firm "You know what, maybe it's for the best. I think I'm gonna be getting more than I'm losing from a tradeoff like that. Alright then, bye." and so he hung up and let out a sigh as he hung her head.

"...Can I have my phone back now?" Don was promptly handed the cell phone "Thanks. So, how was the girlfriend?"

"Where do I begin?" Devin turned to face him, and look at Carrie at the same time "Well for starters, she was apparently cheating on me with her tennis instructor."

"The tennis instructor huh? That never happens. Anything else?"

"A lot more actually. I don't know where the heck this came from, but she's got some kind of big problem with me being friends with Carrie."

"Really now?"

"I know it's crazy, why can't girls just get along?"

"One of life's mysteries."

"She went on this whole thing about she wanted Carrie to stay away from me. I told her that we're just friends, I've told her a few times actually. She said that if I wanted her to keep being my girlfriend, I couldn't be friends with Carrie anymore."

"Ah." Don glanced back and saw how heartbroken Carrie looked "And what did you say?"

"I said the only thing I could. I dumped her." Devin gave a small sad smile "I thought I'd be a lot more upset about it than I am right now, but I guess that's just the thing. I'm gaining a lot more than I'm losing." on that note, he went over to Carrie (she having been left stunned by what he was telling her) and suddenly pulled her into a tight hug, causing her face to turn red "It's like I said before, you're way better than a girlfriend, and I don't want to imagine my life if you're not a part of it. Thanks homie, for everything."

"You… You're welcome." Carrie managed to snap out of her stupor and free herself from his embrace "So…"

"Anyway I gotta go and clear my head a little bit. I'll see you later." and so he just walked off away from the Chill Zone.

"This is…" Carrie just hung her head "I thought this would feel better… Why does it feel like I wanna throw up?"

"Well if you, try not to do it on camera." Don told her, earning a raised eyebrow "We're still on the air remember? And we're still waiting on the last two teams, so…"

"Right, I'm going now." Carrie let out a sigh as she walked off.

"And then there were two." Don glanced ahead to see the Ice Dancers and the Performers all closing in on the dock "Looks like the final two teams are neck and neck as they reach the end of the river, but who's going to take it."

"(Bleep) off peasants, I'm not coming in behind you again!" Josee suddenly whipped her oar out of the water and knocked Trent and Leshawna off their raft, and she and Jacques bolted out of the river and onto the Carpet of Completion "YES!"

"You just came in tenth place, though if we're going to be entirely honest, I don't think that's the sort of thing you want to cheer about."

"I'm not cheering about the place we came in, the fact that we didn't even make single digits is enough to make my blood boil. Knocking that giant brown cow and the Elvis wannabe riding her out of the competition, that's enough to make me squeal like a howler monkey."

"Yeah, I think you do plenty of that already." Don promptly shoved them aside as the last team dragged themselves out of the water.

"Sometimes the bad ones win I guess, just take a look at politics." Leshawna let out a sigh as she dragged Trent by the arm onto the Carpet of Completion "But still, it was pretty cool that we got to do this sort of thing together."

"Yeah, all things considered I found this pretty fun." Trent gave a small smile as he pulled himself to his feet "This is one of those times I went on a show and didn't get crippled or had my heart broken for some reason."

"And that's worth celebrating hon."

"It might not be the only thing either." Don was quick to draw their attention "Trent, Leshawna, I think it goes without saying that you're the last team to arrive. The two of you actually work quite well together, and I wish you both the best of luck… in the next round, because this one is another non-elimination!"

"...Well that's definitely lucky." Trent caught Leshawna in a quick high five "I guess the only thing to do now is put this past us and step up our game."

"No doubt about it sugar." Leshawna patted him on the shoulder "We gotta focus on winning and bringing a hell of a lot of hurt to the Ice Dancers."

"As long as it's nothing illegal or too unnecessarily brutal."

"I can make no such promises."

"Which makes it all the more interesting." Don took the chance to sign off as he turned towards the camera "Well we close out the halfway point of the race not only with a close call for the Performers, but some unexpected drama for the Best Friends. One can only guess as to what's going to happen next, because neither you nor I know. There's only one way to find out for sure, and that's to tune in next time for more of… the Ridonculous Race!"

A/N:

Well it took us a lot longer than I thought it would, but here it is. We've officially arrived at the halfway point of the race, and the halfway point of this story as a whole. Not much to say as far as new character interactions go, aside from some wholesome bonding between Carrie and Geoff, though I do enjoy writing out the interactions between Trent and Jacques, who are basically the only sane members of their respective teams.

For those of you who didn't get it, that whole exchange between the Performers and the Ice Dancers over a certain figure skating show was actually a nod to that scene in TDI, Not So Happy Campers: Part 1, where it was mentioned that Chris was on a figure skating show, and a certain pair of figure skaters ended up falling flat on their faces. I'm fairly certain it's a general consensus among at least some fans that the Ice Dancers have some sort of connection to this, so I decided to try and expand on that.

Oh, and for the record, I share the Stepbrothers' opinion regarding the actors that play live action Spider-Man. I'm really into those movies, and I watch them with my best friend a lot, and I think he summed it up best: Tobey Maguire is the best Peter Parker, and Andrew Garfield is the best Spider-Man, but Tom Holland is the only one that's great at being both of them. Feel free to tell me how you feel about that in your reviews, I'm curious to see how you guys feel about the subject.

Rankings:

Best Friends- 1st

Stepbrothers- 2nd

Brains & Brawn- 3rd

Father & Son- 4th

Rockers- 5th

Sisters- 6th

Reality TV Pros- 7th

Surfers- 8th

Goths- 9th

Ice Dancers- 10th

Performers- 11th

Elimination order:

LARPers - 18th

Tennis Rivals 17th

Geniuses - 16th

Vegans - 15th

Fashion Bloggers- 14th

Mother & Daughter- 13th

Adversity Twins- 12th