Hello, friends. Got time to translate another chapter of my fic. I hope you have not been incomprehensible, I'm struggling, but I apologize for the many errors that will find this translation, my English is very basic and sometimes I need some help from google translator.
Let the reviews:
Nicole: Do not feel guilty, I'm writing a story based on the characters of the film, not in real life. And let's face it, the Amon's character is quite complex and interesting, despite all its weaknesses and character flaws, which are many. I updated these days the Portuguese version and I hope you have been able to understand. Let's see if I can post one more chapter before the birth of my son, I hope so. Thanks for reading and be enjoying the story. Come back often to leave your comments.
Emma: This story is called "The Labyrinth" by many issues. See the labyrinth as a metaphor for many things, in the case of Amon and Helen, both are lost in a maze that leads them to the past. And yes, although you will still see some references to a labyrinth throughout history. I hope you enjoy this chapter and come back more often to leave comments, help me a lot!
Mimi T: thank you for following this story. I confess that I didn't know the song by Christina Perri, and I liked the letter, his analogy with my fic made sense, but it was not intentional, because I didn't know this song, even this singer, I had to seek it in youtube. Anyway, hope you're enjoying the story and come back to leave more comments.
A warm hug to everyone. Hope you enjoy this chapter.
- Mom, I think we'll have to take Helen to hospitalization. See, she's sweating a lot. - Says Sam.
- Son, and if we call the doctor again?
- I don't think it's a good idea. He came here yesterday and started a treatment before I went to the concert. You got her all this time and saw that there was no improvement.
- Yes, she alternates a moment of unconsciousness with others in which she is pure delight! She speaks in Polish, English and even I had the impression that I heard her speak something in German. But not consistent words, its pure delusions!
- I'll ask the reception to provide for an ambulance to take her to the hospital. The way she is now is serious, we can't put her in a cab.
- S-S-Sam!
- Honey, are you okay?
- I-I don't want to go to the h-hospital.
- She is conscious, Sam, less evil. – Beth cheers up.
- Honey, you'd better go. The fever is not diminishing...
- ...And the t-t-trip to Berlin...?
- The trip is only tomorrow, honey. And I cannot cancel my trip to Berlin, but mom will be here with you, don't worry!
- That's right, Helen. Leo goes with Sam and I'll stay here until you recover! We'll go together to Berlin. God willing, tomorrow you'll already be good and...
- But...
- Shhh! Don't push yourself too much, dear. Stay quietly to rest.
- How could I rest? How to walk in a way that doesn't see an inch? How to find peace if my mind is so restless and yet so exhausted? I'm so sick because I'm so tired and nervous, I'm try to seek a solution but I can't find anyone...
At that moment, Leo enters with a small bouquet in his hands.
- Arrived another bouquet. Let's see if flowers won't animate this girl.
- Helen, have you noticed how the room is full of flowers? - I hear Sam talk to me and make an effort to keep my eyes open.
Supported on pillows, I run my eyes across the room and see that it is like a small garden. Despite the pain and fatigue in my body, I give a shy smile, because I was always in love with flowers. I feel a little better just by seeing them. But I know that many of these flowers are pure flattery of Sam's friends. It's as if all this wasn't for me, but for my husband. People always try to please him and it's not new that I know people approach me, especially the members of the orchestra, to win Sam's favours...
Most are friends of the orchestra they are all very concerned. - Sam confirms my suspicion. - But this great one here I specially chose for you - Sam points to a huge vase, filled with red roses:
- Do you like it?
- It's beautiful... You... You know... I love roses... – I try to show me a little stronger, but talking is also very difficult. I feel terribly tired.
- Yes I know... But, daddy, who send this bouquet you just brought?
- Look at this! - Beth anticipates and picks up the delicate bouquet of the hands of my father-in-law. - Is a bouquet of edelweiss, had never seen one. How beautiful! They are so rare and delicate, must have cost a fortune!
- I wonder who sent it? - My husband asks.
- Look, there's a card here! Beth takes the card and reads it aloud.
How can you take refuge in the thin branches of a weak tree?
Forget the crazy dense,
Forget the cruel roar,
Because now the loving calm acceptance is true
As has long been and is
The poetry of your life:
White, sweet, fragrant
Which has so long I've been sought...
- Who wrote this? - I saw Sam was more worried than I am to hear the reading of the card.
- I don't know, dear, is not signed. - Beth spears an evil glance in my direction. I feel her indirect, but I'm too weak to react.
- Well, Sam, it means that our Helen also have their admirers. - Leo tries to ease the situation, but I noticed that Beth's gaze directed at me.
Samuel takes the note.
- Okay then, how lucky I am because I'm your husband, and poor of those who aren't in my place. - Sam tries to cover, but I realize that he was jealous. - You don't know who wrote it, Helen?
- H-how should I know... Is not... Is not signed. - I say this already with terrifying suspicion of who sent it, because when he show me the note, I get the impression that I recognize the beautiful, but cold and formal handwriting that I have seen so many times on little notes with the orders of the day, left on the table in the villa's kitchen. I leave this reverie to hear Beth's voice, full of subtleties to tell the origin of the edelweiss's legend.
- The edelweiss is surrounded by beautiful stories. It is a very rare flower that only blooms at high altitudes, near here, in the Alps. His name means 'white sublime', and is the symbol of eternal love. Legend has it that this flower is the greatest proof of love that can be given to someone, it is must climb icy mountains and sneak in inaccessible cliffs to reach it. No wonder, many Austrian women send make small reliquaries to preserve edelweiss that receiving, because this flower can be saved drought and will last centuries, if well preserved.
Hear this thing about this delicate flower makes me even more vulnerable. I feel like anytime Beth will read my thoughts and reveal to Sam everything that's going on with me. I am mortified by so much anguish, so much fear, I don't know what to do...
- Wow, how do you know all these things, Mom?
- It's because I'm an incurably romantic, my dear son and a helpful traveller. Before coming to Austria, I read a lot about the country and its customs. Helen, you... Sam, Sam, you see, she lost consciousness again...
- I'll now turn to the reception and ask for an ambulance. I think it's more serious than we thought.
* One week later.
- And then, mother, how is she? Finally got a connection with the hospital...
- Son, the news isn't good...
- What do you mean?
- The doctor referred her to another specialist...
- But this is great, so maybe finally able to diagnose what she has and...
- Son, Helen was referred to a psychiatrist!
- Psychiatrist? But why?
- I cannot tell if it was a fever delirium or something, but she had an outbreak. These days, when I was out to lunch, she broke all the vessels and smashed all flowers that she has received here. The nurses had to hold it by force so that the doctor could apply a soothing.
- My God! She has received many flowers, beyond my?
- Its the some of his orchestra colleagues and insistent bouquets of edelweiss. Every day.
- Came some other card?
- Yes, just one more... Again unsigned. Incidentally, I'm here with this one in my hands.
- And what about?
The sensations of the human species by weight, I want them inside me;
Their property, their ills
More atrocious, more intimate, get at me here
Where, at will, to my mind
Hold them, touch them;
I become so
I own humanity; and if she
forfeit comes, I lose myself with it.
- Hey, is an excerpt from "Faust" by Goethe, German writer.
- That's the story of the man who sells his soul to Mephistopheles, the demon?
- Yeah, that one! I remember this because not long ago I read this book.
- What a horror! Son... I didn't want to mention this to you over the phone, but... How is your marriage? There is a possibility of another person be involved and...
- No, mother, there is no such possibility. I trust Helen and she trusts me. Let's not talk about it.
- But is that these notes, it seems that someone is trying to disturb her, you know? If something is not now, it may be a relationship between the past and...
- What you are suggesting, mother?
- Sam, she tried to hide this note when I reached the bouquet. So I cannot say if other notes haven't arrived, beyond that. Just know that she is an emotional state on the verge of nervous breakdown, if it ever didn't have one... You understand?
- Mom, don't invent things where there is nothing.
- You know... that very polite man, Mr. Prauchnner, never came to life... It's weird because he was so close to you... And you know... She had disturbed him so much that in the dressing room that day...
- Mother, Anton was here yesterday. He attended the Orchestra in Berlin and here, in Paris. He said to me that he wouldn't lose any more concerts while we're in Europe! Please don't invent things where there is nothing. He even has been excellent companion for Dad here in Paris. Don't you dare make any suggestion about it, he is not in Vienna. Either on her, which is clearly sick! I think that coming to Europe stirred war memories that Helen has. She never told me anything about it, but I know she was shaken to come back here after everything that has happened in the concentration camp. I'm almost sure that her emotional state has to do with it.
- Sorry, son, a thousand apologies. But is that her behaviour is so, so weird... The doctor told me that she cried a lot in Polish. But I wasn't together and no one there could translate what she was saying...
- I need to get back to Vienna.
- Yes, I think so too. But, look, the doctor told me that there is no danger of death. That what she has is most likely a disease of emotional background, finally, an outbreak of hysteria, I cannot tell, I'm no expert. Look, if you decide for a psychiatric hospitalization elsewhere, you need to be in agreement. I cannot decide for you.
- I'll take the night train to Vienna. The next presentation is in two days. But I'm sure you won't need to intern her.
- Please, come back, son, maybe she's better! I hope you come to say things with consistency. I am very worried she needed to be sedated. She is not well at all. And in the psychiatric ward visits are much more controlled and rigid. She'll spend a lot of time alone, because I can't get in there to accompany her.
- Okay, mother. I'm sorry for all this... Dad and I arrive tomorrow morning!
- Love you, son!
- Love you too. Take care of her, please! This is my life, mother. Her life is my life...
- I know my son, I know!
*In the psych ward.
- God, I'm still stepping on the tombstones that were used as flooring in the concentration camp... I still see me climbing that huge staircase leading to the villa or down to the basement... I still see him with his eyes fixed on me... I didn't leave the front line. The war remains in me. I'm Plaszow! How can I improve, knowing that I have no strength to fight him?
- Hello, Frau Horowitz, I see you are much better. Take another dose of his little medicine... Yeah, great! It's much better, don't worry, this is only a medicine to help you regain your strength, preventing it from doing anything. Even I'm here at the request of the physician, to give a little walk. Come, rest assured, I'll accompany you, shall we?
This nurse takes me out of my reverie. But, while I hear what she says and take the medication as she asks me, I cannot answer, I feel too numb to sketch any reaction. And when I see the size of the nurse, I think it's better I shouldn't try to over react... I don't know what else is wrong with me, just feel an inexplicable anger, a sense of powerlessness so great that makes me more than sick, makes me aggressive, but at the same time powerless, leaves me in an emotional state, judging where I am now, I must have done something horrible to deserve being in isolation.
Funny thing is, despite all the numbness, I can understand what she asks me and I can get up and walk calmly next to this woman. I think that will take me to sunbathe, because it's a gorgeous day out there...
I'm going for a kind of garden, which is at the back of the hospital. I realize that I'm probably still in the psychiatric ward, because I see people sitting on the floor with a blank face, some with vaulted air, staring... No, I'm not mad at this point and see these people in this state of mind makes me even more scared, because I'm not want to end like this. I realize the madness of others, but I don't know how far I am sane.
The amazing thing is that the medicine I am taking must be very strong, because I don't see any externally sketching reaction. I feel completely numb, seeing things around me, but unable sketch reaction. I feel like a puppet, which can be easily manipulated by this woman or any other person who comes to talk to me... It's so weird...
- You can walk around here, I will help you.
I nodded, but I didn't want walking; I don't feel like doing absolutely nothing. It's like being in a limbo, vegetating. Why am I feeling so numb? Even without a will, obey mechanically, without blinking.
- I'll follow you so let me help her. - The nurse says to me.
I feel she pulling me and I'll walk beside her. I am obeying automatically. Come through the garden, until I see that we are heading for a more secluded part of the yard. Should be the funds of the hospital, because I see a big iron gate. The resemblance to the Plaszow gate is such that I instinctively reach for the ironic phrase "Arbeit mach frei" on top, but cannot find it. While I'm thinking about the field, the nurse directs me to a bench near the entrance to the gate and says:
- Look, you can rest here in this bank. The sun is so nice, isn't it?
I look at her, but didn't sketch reaction is as if I could not express what is in my mind, that doesn't seem to follow what is going on with my body. But automatically, do what she says and sit there to enjoy the sun. Probably feel better after a sunbath... I feel so confused and so unwilling... It's horrible, but I cannot react or express any emotion, however I want.
I'll take a look at another patient and come back in a bit to get it, okay? Relax Frau Horowitz. Be quiet where I'll be right back. Relax and enjoy the sun!
Once the nurse leaves, I remain sitting there, trying to really enjoy the sun but also because I feel strangely conditioned to do what she asks me, without question.
Suddenly, I realize that a short, stocky man approaches, outside the gate.
- Hello ?! - I see that the man talking to me, trying to attract my attention, because there's no one else around.
I look at him, but don't answer, I can't answer. I don't know who he is, much less what he want, so I get quiet and avoid looking back to the gate. Glad it's closed, which gives me some confidence in staying there. I didn't want to leave the place or call the nurse screaming as already I given enough reasons to this hospital to think I'm crazy, I don't want to cause more hassles... Just... I want to improve, and perhaps react...
- You could approach? I need to ask a favour, it is important!
Strangely, independent of my will, my body doesn't outline a backlash to the application of this man. I feel that I shouldn't lift, should I call the nurse, but, oddly enough, that's not what I do. I have no strength to say "no" to this stranger, which is absurd and very disturbing. So I just get up and I approach the gate.
- You can check if the gate is open, ma'am?
Mechanically and without thinking, I force the lock of the gate, which opens easily. Look at the man, who is smiling, happy because certainly I did what he asked without even questioning what makes me astonishment, but at the same time is like being insensitive to what happens, or worse: it's as if I were a spectator of an act and not an active part of what happens, it's disturbing, but I can't react. I saw he takes a white handkerchief from his pocket, wrapped in a plastic casing scarf. He opens the package, picks up the handkerchief, and approaches me.
- Don't worry! It won't hurt anything and I won't hurt you. Stay calm and everything will be end very fast!
Only then I did realize that the man intends causes me harm, but oddly enough, I feel so confused, so tired, so lethargic, that I can't show any reaction. Let the man get closer, pull me slowly out of the gate, like if he is accompany me somewhere. I see that the man closes the door and grabs my arm slowly, sending me away from the gate, away from the hospital. There's nobody here, only this man who let me to what seems to be a utility car, those that are used to transport goods.
- Will I need to apply this scarf on you now, to prevent screams, all right? Don't worry, I promise I won't do any harm to you, madam; I'm just fulfilling essential orders… Just because everything goes to the satisfaction - funny that the man is apparently very calm, which gives me an unusual sense of confidence. I believe in my heart that he didn't intend to hurt me. But I'm still aware that something goes wrong, is not right I'm out there with hospital clothes, accompanying a stranger who knows where...
I don't know what to say, I look at him, but I didn't sketch any reaction. Then he says:
- Look, this is all just in case. I can't risk that something goes wrong. Excuse and forgive me, but it is necessary!
When I finally understand his intentions, I try to steady my eyes on the man, to see if I can recognize him or to try to defend myself, I'm not sure, I am very confused, very lost...
I feel he pulls me by the arm and with the other hand involves my face hard on the white handkerchief, and then everything goes dark once...