Hello, thank you very much to all readers of my fic "The Labyrinth". Here another chapter translated. I ask you to forgive me for the many mistakes I made in this translation, I hope you think it's been minimally understandable. Wait the translation of the following chapters and to the readers who are not following the original version in Portuguese, I ask to leave your comments here, so I could know what you are thinking. All constructive criticism are welcome. I hope you enjoy this chapter. A big hug to everyone.
I slowly open my eyes, with a sense of numbness and strange fatigue. It's all dark and I cannot tell where I am. I get up and try to walk slowly, feeling everything, like a blind that need to move very carefully to avoid get hurt. Suddenly, I feel a bump on my way. I lift my leg and I realize this is a kind of step. I climb the first step and with a sense of dread dominating me I have a déjà vu. Yes, I know that step... I know that ladder so well, it can only be to one place... But the strange thing it doesn´t make any sense, how can I be here? There is no doubt, I'm in the basement, I'm in the villa, I'm in... Plaszow!
With the terrible certainty of knowing where I am now, I climb the stairs really fast, despite being all still very dark. After all, I went up and down those stairs so many times, there is no way stumble here, I know every step, every flaw in the rocks, every little detail that gives me even more sure I was crazy, because none of this is possible. I open the basement door and instead of finding the familiar kitchen of the villa, I see a labyrinth, a huge labyrinth of ivy, even more higher that one in Schönbrunn castle and I despair...
- My God, what's that? How did I get here?
Without thinking too much, I penetrated into the labyrinth at random, trying to find the exit, try to find my freedom, any way depriving me out, but it's very difficult. The labyrinth seems an intricate practical joke, every path I take doesn´t take me anywhere, I feel horrible! Finally opt for a narrower path that goes widening as I approach its centre. And when I get there, I see that I'm finally in the camp kitchen! And, as it should be, I see next to the sink, Herr Kommandant, all dressed like a soldier, with his Hauptsturmführer uniform, standing there, watching me.
After giving a smile, he opens his arms in a friendly way for me. Then he says:
- Welcome back, Lena!
I wake to the sound of my own screaming and completely drenched in sweat, I realize that I just had another nightmare. Relieved to know that it was all a bad dream, but still very scared, I take a deep breath and try my right hand on the lamp which is next to the bed in the hospital. I gently press the switch on my fingers. But what my eyes sees doesn´t alleviate my fear of anything; quite the contrary, makes me even more terrified. I'm not in the hospital room in Vienna! Nor am I in the hotel room where we were staying! I just cannot say where I am!
Horrified, I find myself in an extremely upscale place, decorated tastefully. I look up and see that I am in a four poster bed. The bed is huge, worthy of a king, and the sheets are very soft and delicate. They are soaked with my sweat, but I realize that it is a lot of quality material. It's like I've in the hospital room straight out into the room of a palace, or at least something very like one and I never, in my entire life, slept in a place like this before. I make an effort and I can get up. In the floor, I find a couple of very soft slippers to touch my feet and they serve me perfectly well. Then I look at myself in a full-length mirror that is in a corner next to the bed and I see I'm wearing a nightdress (which is also all wet with sweat), very delicate and beautiful, made of cotton, quite comfortable. My appearance is horrible, I look tired, with dark circles framing my enormous brown eyes, messy hair. Looking at me, it seems that back in time, it seems that I came to have that suffered air which accompanied me in my time in the camp and it saddens me. It's like having back in time...
Way across the room who is still in the shadows, lit only by the lamp, because the windows are with the curtains drawn. The feeling of strangeness is even greater than the fear, for I really do not know how I got here, let alone where I am. The room is very beautiful, all decorated with delicate floral motifs. The furniture, light and upholstery look very old and well-preserved, as if he really were part of the decor of the room for many, many years. Details in marquetry here and there on the furniture leave it even more charming and sweet. On the walls, reproductions of famous works of Gustav Klimt and Ferdinand Georg Waldmüller decorate the place, giving a pleasant feeling of warmth and printing (or would be sure?) that I'm still in Austria, given the nationality of the artists concerned. Amazing to think that this room, even though as old furniture, seems to have been decorated according to my taste, as if I had had the option to choose what would be part of it. It's as if whoever decorated it knew me very well. And then finally realize that I still don't know where I am and that the fact of being in a decorated room the way I like is even more disturbing. Did Sammy came for me and we are staying in another hotel in Vienna?
Cautiously, I walk silently towards the door on the latch and move slowly, trying to avoid any noise. Then I realize it's locked. I try again, this time avoiding the caution and do force to open, because, being an old door, a very solid and heavy model, can be a bit stuck. Faced with the refusal to open, I force it over three times and then I certify that really is locked and not stuck. I am again very scared, because I know that Sam never would lock me anywhere, even though the state I'm in, having outbursts and nerve crises. The feeling runs through my body is that of a so intense fear, I get the creeps. I think in shouting, but I'm afraid of what might be waiting for me outside, so I stay quiet.
I go to one of the windows and pull away the curtain. I see that it´s closed and the shutters closed as well. I force but cannot open them, seem sealed. I go to another window, and another and another and finally over another and none of them opens, even applying all the strength that is possible to me. Definitely, I'm stuck in this room, as if I'm in a luxury cage. I don´t know what to do, I'm getting scared! Why are you doing this to me? Did Sammy would be able to arrest me like that? Would doctor's orders?
Suddenly, near the headboard of the bed, gathering a kind of bell or seal. Nervous and not knowing what else to do, I pull it several times, hoping to be heard by someone. The suspense and the silence is killing me! As no sound there, I don´t know if it's spoiled, but I still clutching frantically. If the only communication with what's out there, I must try... not long time and I hear approaching footsteps in the hallway and the sound of a key being turned on the knob. Then, the door opens. I turn around just in time to see girl, or better to say, a servant of the place, because she is wearing a maid's uniform.
- Ah, you woke up. Can you get your meal now or first should I prepare your bath?
Hearing she talking (in German) in such a familiar tone with me, as if I knew her or as if I were a guest in that place, I am amazed and without any composure, I gather forces and speak, also in German, because I want to be understood by her:
- Listen to me, where am I? What place is this? Where is Sam?
- Who?
- My husband, Samuel... Samuel Horowitz.
- Lady, I'm just here to answer the call on your needs. I don´t know nothing about this man you're talking about.
- What do you mean? My God, creature, where am I?
- You are not well?
- Of course not, I'm asking you where I am and you are not able to give me a simple answer and I...
- Excuse me, lady, I'll call the boss.
Realizing that I would be again locked in this room, I run toward her, which quickly closes the door behind her and gives back the key, from the outside. I arrive just in time to bang on the door, hoping she comes back.
- Wait, don´t lock me here. Open the door please! Open the door, bitch! Let me out! Open the door! Damn! Open that door!
Apparently the maid is undeterred by my screams and my bad manners. I hear her footsteps moving away, and desperate, still pounding on the door, which seems more and more hard and heavy as a rock. I try with all my strength, but I'm just too tired... After a few more attempts to be heard again, I give back to the door and let my body slipping supported slowly to the ground. I'm sitting there just a little bit and, with tears in my eyes, get up and walk silently to the bed. I feel tired, I'm hungry, I'm still wearing a sweat clothes, I don´t feel any better... I lay helpless even to keep crying, the tears out of my eyes involuntarily, but I don´t made any regret, any sound. I feel so exhausted at all, so utterly exhausted that I don´t feel the strength to do anything... I hate this feeling, I hate being sorry for myself, I hate with all my heart, but unfortunately that's how I feel right now.
After a while that seemed very long, I hear heavy footsteps approaching the door. My heart chills of fear again. Who would be now? I'm face down, only with my feet out of bed, then turn my body to see who will come. The door opens...
Of course! It had to be him! Even the sound of his footsteps is so familiar to me. How I didn´t think of it before? He really fulfilled his threat!
Amon Goeth, in person, opens the door and then closes it behind him. He has the room key in hand, comes around the key and calmly put in his jacket inside pocket. He stops in front of me, but still far away from me, just as I saw in my nightmare, except that he is not in uniform, but in a casual and well made dark suit, with a white shirt, no tie. Instead of shining boots, wears a pair of black shoes well polished and elegant. Besides not being dressed like in my nightmare, is also no longer a young officer, he had, like me, the weight of past years, his hair is a little thin on the forehead and he had few wrinkles around those blue eyes, as always so cold. Moreover, he is the same, the same pride and soldier posture, the same cynical way, the same cold look, cold gestures, all in him refers me to Plaszow, war, death and fear...
- How you feel? - He asks me, as if nothing wrong was happening and it was something quite casual I wear a nightdress, in this strange room.
- As a prisoner. - I answer dryly, getting up from the bed. At the moment, it´s all I can say to this monster.
- No, Helen, you aren´t a prisoner here, you are my guest. - He says this with a tranquillity that irritates me.
- Apparently I'm not here of my own free will. By the way, how did I get here? - I say that, standing, leaning with one arm on one of the columns holding up the canopy of the bed. I try to maintain a safe distance from him, which also doesn´t try to get closer.
- Don´t you remember?
- No... I mean, I don´t know... I was in hospital in Vienna, and now I'm here. I was very confused, taking many drugs, I... Where are we, anyway?
- In my house.
- This is your home? - I ask, even more frightened than actually shocked.
- Yes.
- We are in Vienna?
- Yes.
- Sam knows I'm here?
- Hahaha. - It gives a sarcastic laugh. - Don't be stupid, Helen. Of course he doesn´t know you are here.
- My God, you're really sick. - I say, feeling more tired than ever.
- Am I the only one "sick" here?
- Sam may have call the police, the newspapers, everyone...
- Yes, probably he did it.
- They go catch you at any time.
- I doubt it.
- What do you mean?
- Because, apparently, Helen, they are dealing with your disappearance, not with your abduction. And we know that these are two different things.
- What do you mean by that?
- I mean, it seems, you ran away the hospital. Or was the hospice? - He gives another laugh, full of sarcasm, which makes me feel the strength coming back again to try to defend myself.
- But I didn´t run away. You kidnapped me! - I accuse him, feeling even more confused.
- Me? Won´t you come knocking on my door for free will?
- I... Don´t confuse me even more. I don´t know where we are. How could I have been stopping here by my will?
- Love has reasons of which reason knows nothing, my dear!
- Stop playing, you bastard, you know well that brought me to the hospital strength. You had threatened me in the church. I haven´t forgotten that.
- And our kiss, Helen, you didn´t forget?
- I don´t want and I won´t talk about it! I want to know how you can feel so secure, as you may find that no one even will question your behaviour ?! One time they realize and understand that who disappeared with me was you!
- Well, Helen, but so far no one else knows it. Apparently, you're out of your mind, ran away and is probably wandering alone, lost in Vienna, maybe even saying incoherent things to people around. Finally, acting as a perfect crazy pauper... That's the way things looks now about your situation for your husband and for all the people who are looking for you.
- Don´t you think that will be suspicious of you?
- Oh, and why they do? Until yesterday I was in Paris with your husband and also with his father. I have an alibi. In fact, I made a very boring trip with them by train to Vienna. It amazes me how your husband is naive. Or the most appropriate word for this would be "dumb"? She never questioned me at all and is always grateful for anything I do and...
Hearing him offend my husband, my irrational side emerges again and I forget my fear of approach and delivery towards him, ready to punch him right in this horrible face.
- Damn! Ordinary! - I yell.
Then he grabs my wrists tightly and pushes me towards a wall.
- Helen, Helen... Shut this little mouth. I have tolerated your ridiculous little punches in that dressing room, but it's enough now! Things will be different in my home. We are not in the presence of anyone else here... Don't make me use force with you again.
- Hit me, bastard, hit me, at you always did. Is not that you want? That's all you can do, right? Coward! Monster! Killer! I hate you, Herr Kommandant, I hate you! - I cry, trembling with my whole body, full of sincere hatred I have for him.
I struggle hard, trying to wriggle out of his hands, but he still stronger than me. My revolt not seems to bother him.
- You really want I beat you, Helen? So that's what you like? Look, of all things I thought you felt about me, the thing you miss most in our coexistence in the camp, wouldn't certainly the beatings... I put the beatings last in my list... You are very surprising!
- Good heavens... Please, stop it... - I say, already weakening and stopping to struggle against him. Suddenly I feel like I'm sliding down against the wall as I did just before in the door room, except that this time I don´t sit on the floor. I stop and get on my knees before him.
There, in that position so humiliating for me, with my arms up and wrists still involved through his hands, I say, pleadingly:
- Please, please... Let me go... Let me go...
- But... Of course I´ll let you go, Helen. You don´t have to do all this drama. Do you really think I want to keep you stuck here forever, against your will?
Hearing him talk like that, and feeling completely incredulous by the sudden benevolence of him, I beg.
- You... you'll let me go?
- Of course!
- When?
- It's very simple. - And then he starts talking, gently pulling me up, so that I standing face to face with him again.
- I'll let you go, only for you come back. I don´t want you here against your will. I want you to stay because you want to stay... And believe me, I´ll do everything to make you really feel this will. And then, let me tell you what you'll do: you´ll call to your husband, in a close convent round here and explain who ran away the hospital, because you were very confused and afraid that they arrest you there forever. You´ll also say that walked aimlessly for hours before being found by a very charitable group of nuns, on the verge of exhaustion. These nuns took you to a convent, where you are still now... In this convent you bathed, ate and rested. How you were undocumented, wearing a hospital gown, without any identification and a little numb due to excessive medication you had taken, the nuns found better hope you recovery forces and then begin to ask you questions. Then you´ll tell your husband when you felt better and your mental confusion passed away, you could communicate with the nuns and asked them to be allowed to call the hospital or the hotel. I have people here can play the role of nuns, both by phone and in person, to brought you to your family. After effusive hugs, you´ll stay distant and a bit indifferent, until finally expose your feelings to Samuel, explaining to him that finally you realized you were in this marriage for convenience and never loved him, indeed. You'll prove it to him saying even children you´d managed to avoid all this time, just because you not so sure if you really loves him. You´ll also say all the bad experiences you went alone here in Vienna made you realize this, and deep down, there are irreconcilable differences between you, which have always existed and that now you intend no longer continue deceiving him, and especially deceiving herself. You´ll ask to get away from him. He will rant and suffer, of course, will try to hold you, you´ll fight, but eventually he´ll have to give in, because you´ll be adamant in your decision. After that, you and your sister, who by now should already be in Vienna helping in searches for you, will make a long trip so you can get away from Sam and delivered to the divorce proceedings. And, this part is very interesting... Wait, let me explain to you... On this journey with your sister, you´ll bump into me, probably in Santorini, Greece, or any other warm and romantic place, this is your choice. We´ll talk about your health and about your husband. I´ll know that you are now in process of divorce and I´ll kindly accompany you and your sister for walks in the Greek islands. Enchanted by my man's world charm, you'll fall in love for me and tell your husband when the divorce out, you´ll not return to New York with your sister, but that you´ll stay here in Vienna, with me. And kindly ask to your ex-husband don´t disturb us, for sure. He is a gentleman, certainly don´t. Maybe he insists on see you or even look for me, but you show him there´s no turning back, things went so well finished now. - He said it in one breath, as if planned this idea long ago, and when he finish the plan, say it to me:
- What do you think? It´s not simple? Everything within the law, without hurting anyone, in the strict sense of the word "harm". Without tragedy, the way it has to be. No secret will be discovered, no harm will be caused to my identity, is a good strategy, by the way... In fact, the idea is so simple that still fascinates me...
Completely amazed with all I just heard of this man, I don´t know whether to cry, desperate cry or laugh for such nonsense madness.
- And you mean to imply that am I crazy? Do you really think Sam, Anna, Beth or even Leo will buy this absurd and totally inconsistent story?
- Judging from what I saw of your husband, yes. He is naive, is upset, unable to think with the necessary rationality. He blames himself for everything you've been going here. You are his weak point! So if he buys this story, gradually others buy it too, my dear! This can be difficult, it´ll take some time, he won´t do anything hastily. We can even improve a little more this story and the way we´ll conduct all... But, look, Anna will go with you to hell, no matter what you decide for your life, and this I say with all certainty it is possible for me. Surely she´ll accompany you on a trip if you decide to do it, or something. I have no doubts! If you do it in that way, everything will be alright. You´ll come out of this wedding for your own free will and, of course, you´ll come back here for me. Don´t worry, we´ll do everything we can to avoid to hurt the sensibilities of anyone. This is the option you have...
Straining once more to rid my wrists of his hands, I finally freed me and say it to him.
- Good God, man, you're crazy! Let me go, no one will believe this story... And your employees, everyone will realize I am captive here, I'm not a guest at all. No one will believe this nonsense of being rescued completely lost by a bunch of good nuns! This is so absurd that there's no way to anyone believe that.
- I told you we can improve this story, believe me, even you though absurd, is more believable than many real stories I know. And don´t be silly, no one who works for me will say something of it. Your husband can even visit me if he wants and yet, he won´t know you're here. All my people are very well paid not to meddle in my life. They were hand-picked. They are made of the same stuff as I... I lost the same war they had, all here earn much keeping their mouths shut because they have so much to lose like me, you know what I mean. So, they do what I say. But don´t worry! Despite hating Jews, they will do nothing against you. They know you are my "guest" here and with this condition you will be treated.
- You are crazy. And even though I talked these nonsense to Sammy, it would be very suspicious when, more forward, I told him I met you on my trip. He has presented us before, and you know this. You don't work right? What were you doing in the same place as me?
- My dear, I'm a millionaire, I work "when" and "if" I want... I have many businesses, it's true. Businesses that lead me to different parts of the world, but this doesn´t prevent me from sightseeing and relishing the places where I step. I'm a very busy man, I travel a lot, I'm in several places, always in movement. Therefore, it is perfectly plausible that I bumped with you somewhere in the world.
- This is very absurd! And if I refuse to do what you want, I'll be ended here?
- Yes, you will! You cease to be invited and would be a prisoner. I must inform you that, although subtle, the difference is very great between these two things.
- This is ridiculous!
- Ridiculous is you... Don´t you realize I'm giving you a choice, a great option to resolve this situation in a reasonable manner without insanity, without bloodshed. Not see how this plan is simple? Just the simplicity is that it has everything to work. You can lead a normal life, I will permit you to see your sister, travel, shop, anyway, live, live freely. And above all, I´ll have what I need without having to give up my identity, that costs me a lot to forge.
- By your side? You think to be on your side is "live freely"?
- What could be better than that? Or would you rather be locked up here? I don´t care, because I´ll take advantage in both situations, be sure.
I sigh deeply. I try again to find a gap, a sign of a normal thought in this crazy mind.
- What if I don´t do any of this?
- It's fine by me. We´ll continue here by my side! But you won´t be able to leave for anywhere. See, anyway, I won.
- I... I... I´ll be seen in your yard, I´ll be seen by your friends, they´ll end up discovering that you keep a prisoner person here, anyway.
- No, they won´t. All people who work here are extremely reliable. Also tied to their past, so they´ll be quiet. And you won´t get out of this room, just casually. Here you have a suite with bathroom, you won´t need to leave. You´ll see only me and a few servants, duly selected for their faithfulness and their discretion. You have the opportunity to descend only on very rare occasions, and always with no other company than mine and of those servants. And don´t try to bribe anyone, because I´ll know.
- I'll find a way to communicate with my family. They know I'm here.
- You can even try, but it´ll be a big waste of energy on your part. And again, if you start to create me problems, I can create even worse problems for your family ones outside. I'm trying by all means avoid this happening. But if you make things difficult for me, I can hinder them further for you and yours.
Terrified by his threat, I don´t know how to create the courage to ask him that.
- What kind of problems?
- I don´t know yet. But, don´t worry, I'll know how to neutralize each member of your family, starting with his in-laws, through her husband and finally coming to your sister.
In the face of threats, I stay silent. I don´t know what to say to make him change his mind and release me. I cannot risk that he do something against Sam, against Anna, against my in-laws... So he changes the subject, as if nothing of what we were discussing were, at least, important to him.
- I've already asked Mrs. Künzel who will prepare your bath. After that, if you like, you´ll be welcome at my table for dinner. Take advantage, because I have in a great mood today and I want to show my home to you.
- What if I don´t leave this room? And if I don´t want to eat?
- My dear, why deprive yourself to eat? Don´t you remember all deprivation in the concentration camp? Starving yourself won´t help you at all. It won´t give you enough strength to give me these tolerable punches. Imagine try to escape from here, as I know you're thinking right now...
Again, I try to be naughty with him and respond in a rude manner.
- It will help, yes. If I don´t eat, I´ll die. And finally I´ll get rid of you!
- Yes, get rid of me. But your husband and your sister will never know what happened to you. You want them to live bitter lives? You want them to live with this unknown? Do you really think that will overcome your disappearance? Is that what you want?
- I don´t care... I don´t want to do anything that forces me to be in your company. I'm so sick of you, so sick... You don´t even know about the disgust I feel just by being in the same room as you. Let me tell you I threw up just after you kissed me that day in the church - I speak it well emphasizing the words with the intention of hurting him, so he feels how much I despise him. But not even this seems to achieve him.
- I doubt it was for disgust you threw up. I remember well to have my kiss reciprocated, did it take you to get away from me... You acted like a teenager in love and not as a woman with disgust. But if you prefer to deceive yourself, feel free. And, no, you know you don´t want them not knowing what happened to you. You know that both Samuel as Anna couldn´t endure to live without knowing what happened to you. If you are alive or are dead. It will end with them... And now, enough! I don´t want continue with this conversation anymore! Dinner will be served in one hour. I come get you after your bathing. Don´t be late, I have a moody butler, he don´t like if we get late to dinner. - The monster said, giving me a smile and pretending to be a gentleman...
- I, I...
He takes my right hand, kisses her gently, looking intensely at me and makes me embarrassing. Then, lose my hand and walks toward the door.
- There are clothes of your size in the closet. You can leave this wet sweater sweat in the basket of clothes and the maid will take away. Be elegant in front of the servants, Lena, don´t make a scene! Oh, and don´t be late!
Without the strength to go after him, I feel hungry, I feel sweaty, I feel angry, I feel sad and I feel tired, so I let him go. I hear the key turning from the outside, and sit down on the bed, waiting for this lady, Mrs. Künzel.
I'm back in his hands and don´t know what to do. The circumstances are so different now that I don´t know what to think. All I know is I am stuck here, in a so ridiculous and absurd situation that if I told to anyone, I think no one believe in me. Never in my life, not even in the camp, also under his yoke, I felt so lonely, so hopeless and worse, so conditioned to do what he wants... Otherwise, who knows I'm here? This time I'm completely stuck here. And I cannot think straight, it all happened so fast, so much information poured over me, all this makes me even more confused!
I cried bitter and hopeless tears. I woke up from a nightmare just to see me in another, even worse, because it´s real...
I'm definitely stuck in a labyrinth of insanity and fear, whose way out I don´t know...