Hello, finally I finished translation of chapter 14. I apologize for the delay and the numerous grammatical errors, but I'm not perfectly mastered in English, so I use google translator to help me with the words that I have more difficulty to translate. I hope despite the mistakes, you can understand the chapter. Please leave your comments, they help me a lot to go on. I hope with the translation of The Labyrinth, more people can read my fic and leave comments. Love, Claire.
I don't know how I managed to do what I just did. After taking my breakfast, I wear the most comfortable dress and shoes I found, brushed my teeth and prepared my spirit for what would follow. I went to the door quietly, with the hanger in my hand. I saw the key turning slowly and when the monster came in, I attacked him angrily and very quickly. I surprised him, because in his arrogance (and I'm sure about that), he didn't think I would try to hurt him. I precisely hit him in one of his hands, which he used in an attempt to defend himself as he realized my attack against him. I think the cut was superficial, but even so, I saw started to bleed a lot.
As he didn't foresee my attack, he was distracting when he tried to defend himself. It was a precious opportunity I was waiting for, so I took advantage to run. I almost tripped over a package or something he carried in his hands and jumped over him. It was all very, very fast! I left the room straight to the long, dark corridor, filled with fine carpets and doors. I could reach the stairs and started down quickly. I heard his furious screams calling for a guy named Hans, but honestly, I didn't wait to see who he was. I was just trying to get out.
Never run so much in my life, actually, I think this was the first time I really got to be very fast. Fear was almost giving me wings! I knew I couldn't stop now; I needed to continue if I intended to run away. I left the stairs and ran towards to the front door. Then I remembered he had said the house was pretty well locked, so the front door would be the first place where they would looking for me. I turned, and I could see Herr Kommandant on the landing; he was starting down, his hand bleeding profusely. I never thought that one day I would be happy to be responsible for causing such pain on someone, but in this case I was rather pleased. A scratch with some blood is still too little for him...
I achieved another huge hall, this time downstairs. At this point, I had more people behind me, I could see the confusion, but didn't look back once. I think they didn't see me as I entered this hall, because the screams and noises of footsteps behind me simply disappeared. I opened a door and entered in a huge library. I hid behind a large oak table. I pulled a chair towards me and stayed there, hidden under the table, trying to hide my wheezing... My whole body ached for run away. I never thought I'd have the courage, never! As my heart was calming down, I realized that no one had come into the library yet, which confirmed they don't seen me in the hallway. Near the table that served me as a refuge, had a large window overlooking the courtyard.
I had the impression that this window wasn't sealed like the windows of my room and I feel a breath of hope invades my heart. If they don't enter here, maybe I could get an opportunity to scape without being seen. The problem is he had probably called the guy named Hans and those two witches to sift the house. I don't know if the other employees know my existence and also do not know if there are people watching the garden, but I sincerely hope to have the opportunity to try. If I can stay hidden here a little longer...
My heart still pounding slowly begins to recover. I don't know why, but the final part of an old Yiddish song suddenly takes hold of my thoughts and fills my heart with nostalgia.
Ir vet, kinder, elter vern,
Vet ir aleyn farshteyn,
Vifl in di oysyes lign trern,
Un vi fil geveyn.
Az ir vet, kinder, dem goles shlepn,
Oysgemutshet zayn,
Zolt ir fun di oysyes koyekh shepn,
Kukt in zey arayn! 1
My mother used to sing it in our home, whenever we passed any kind of problem, from the simplest, such as a slip; even worst we begin to face during the war years. Suddenly, I remembered one time Anna came home from school covered in mud from head to toe. Attacks on Jews had already begun in Poland, but they weren't so scary yet. Not for us at least. Not until that day... I remember perfectly well my sister's child's face, completely incredulous and overcome with mud, when she entered our house (this even happened before the ghetto). My mother looked at her and didn't say a word. She just dropped the cloth to wipe the dishes, looked at Anna's once again and hugged her, dirty as she was. I still remember my sister's sweet voice, trying to find answers, while my mother led her upstairs, to the bathroom way. I followed them because I wanted to know how everything had happened.
- I don't understand, Mom! I didn't anything wrong... just answered a question about our country at school. And when I was going home, six classmates followed Chana and me... They surrounded us and... And then they told us are looking for me, because they don't bother Chana.
- What they talked to you? - I asked, very curious.
- They said, as a Jew, I should have shut up when teacher asked a question about Poland. They said I'm not Polish, mom... They called me "dirty Jew" and said that it's time to someone like me needed to know which was my place now... Chana tried to defend me, but they were rude to her as well. – "Jews always protects another Jew. Shut up, Chana, the conversation didn't arrive in the sty"... This was the way they spoke with us, mother.
- My God! – I said, which my mother promptly replied.
- Shhh, Helen! Do not blaspheme!
- Chana didn't like it and tried to hit Karol, but he is really stronger, mom... He and the others! Then Karol shouted to the others: - "Let's throw them there on the edge of the road... It rained all night, it's all full of mud!"
- All agreed and dragged us there. Mother, they only stopped after they rubbed my face, and Chana's face, in the mire.
Then I saw my mother's eyes, always so proud, fill with tears. She held the tears as she could, but Anna and I didn't could hold the tears anymore. As she passed the sponge in Anna's arms, she said: - Daughter, I don't know how long all this craziness will last, but from now on I'll take you to school. I'm by your side.
- Mom, it won't help! Karol told me if I told you the truth, nothing would change, Poland can't stand people "like us" anymore and we'll understand it very soon. What he meant by that, Mom?
- He didn't mean anything... I'm glad you didn't react, my daughter, so this could have been even worse.
- Who said I didn't react? – My sister said tearfully.
- Honey, what did you do?
My sister's expression changed in a split second, from tearfully to ironic.
- Karol thinks he is strong than anyone. But he is strong only when he is in a group. By the time he threw me in mud, he was alone. The other boys had seen us in a relative distance.
- And? - My mother's asked.
- Well, all I can say is… We had company in the mud!
- You pulled him into the mud? - This time it's me who asked, starting a laugh.
- Of course! - Anna said, more cheerful. – He will also need to wash his uniform today. His friends even helped him; they were there, laughing us. In fact, I think they laughed even more of him in the mud than we.
- Well done! - I said, still laughing.
- Helen, do not encourage your sister! - My mother turned her eyes to Anna and said: - Daughter, if this happens again, please don't react!
- Oh, Mom, I'm sorry, but I am not cheap blood!
- It's better be, Anna... Hard times for us are coming. It's better not to provoke.
I think at that time, not even my mother knew exactly what awaited us. We're doomed; we were no longer Polish citizens, as we always think that we should be. Now we were pariahs, unwanted stateless, but we aren't aware of what awaited us yet. I remember I see in my mother's eyes helplessness that I didn't thought it was right. I, in my young age, thought mother and father always would know how defend ourselves, they always have all the answers. But, as soon as Anna told us what happened to her, and even she pretends the strong one, she cried and showed fear, so I realized that my mother is weakened, suffered silent, not to be able to help us, not even with answers that give meaning to the savagery that was just in the beginning, and worse, perpetrated by people who until recently were our neighbours, schoolmates, people who knew us since we were born, people who attended our home, ate of our food, drunk our water, our wine. I just had a hard time understanding these things. So I had no desire to return to Poland after the war, to feel that my roots were torn out long ago and that the weight of feeling stateless never leaves my heart. All that offenses and all that hatred, which takes me away from home forever. I could not go back to my home in peace, knowing that there went through so many offenses, so many humiliations, so ashamed... And then, even a house we had there don't belong to us anymore... And why? Why my God?
The deep missing for my mother has been replaced, just like that, suddenly, by a feeling of emptiness, worthlessness, slowly taking over my spirit. - Why try to escape? - I'll even get out of here? - Does this man finally going to kill me? I don't understand how his unhealthy head works... Although I have full awareness that he feels something very strong for me, still don't understand his boldness, his courage to approach me and almost drives me crazy at the point of being me hospitalized in a psychiatric ward here in Vienna. I don't understand why he wanted to take me by force. What does he think will happen? I will connive with his crazy plans? I'll get away from Sam with the ridiculous story that he thinks might work? I may be able to fall in love with my own tormentor and executioner of so many people I loved? I feel in every word he says, so much hatred, so much disgust, everything in him is implicit and that's why I do not accept that someone who feels so disgusted for whom am I and what I represent can simultaneously loves me. It's not possible!
He beat me so much! I think that if I could put this story in a slightly more reasonable level, if he really likes me, I think he would be the first to try to protects me, to defend me, to preserve me from whatever was there in that damn camp! But it was never like this! I was buffeted by the most primary error, by the innocence of a comment, by a way of looking to him... I was so badly beaten by this man who I just didn't know how to approach him without suddenly awaken his anger! It wasn't something rational, with which I could handle, how I came to explain to Herr Schindler's once.
I remember very well one time in the basement, when I, through tears, looking directly into caring and understanding eyes of Herr Direktor said
-"There are no rules. If I behave in a certain way, Herr Kommandant won't hurt me."
No, there was none of that. He just did what he wanted in the camp... And if he thinks I deserved a beating for letting the soup in an inappropriate temperature for his sensitive "gentleman palate", I would get a beating for it. Simply like that. So, despite the looks, the attitudes and everything else I realized over time, because of Schindler's comments, and today with the kidnapping and so on, I do not accept yet!
I don't think this is love. It must be something related to possession, a whimsy, something forbidden for him and, precisely because it is forbidden, it became interesting. After all, he can have anyone, any woman. In the middle of so many Aryans women, why he considered right me? What I awake in him that even I understand? I'm not a witch, as so often he accused me. Everything I was doing in the villa was trying to save my life, I avoided so much approach him, trying not to annoy him, but none of it works…
My breathing becomes irregular again and I try to push those thoughts because I'm afraid someone comes here and finds me. It's as if my thoughts were screaming and I could be heard in the four corners of this mansion. And I need to get out of here, just don't even know how...
Suddenly I heard a noise at the door, which makes me shrink even more under the table.
= Oh, God, please don't let notice I'm here. - I think, as I struggle to keep control of my breathing.
The steps are light, which calms me down a bit, because Herr Kommandants steps were always heavy, hard, and I would be able to recognize them even if pass a thousand years. Fear did this to me. Even if not him, I remain huddled under the table, trying not to be noticed. I hear the loud noise of a thunder and look at the window; the sky, which until recently was clear, suddenly is covered with clouds and I see that a strong storm approaches. Then I hear the footsteps moving away and the door opening and then closing with a flump. I decide to take a look, just to make sure that I could to get out, after all, is thundering and flashing enough, which gives me some security to move the chair away unnoticed. Gently push the chair, avoiding the slightest noise, I go under the table and, still on my knees, lift my head to look towards the door.
A lightning outside illuminates the whole library and I feel the blood drain from my face when I look at the door and realize that the apprentices witch, Frau Künzel's daughter, is standing in front of the door, very serious. Illuminated by the lightning, her pale, angelic figure seems even more cold and scary to me. I realize she puts her hand on her apron pocket and picks something that I recognize as a whistle. She makes mention of take it to her mouth, but seems to hesitate a bit. I take a chance and I get up from behind the desk, calculating every move, trying not to scares her. Continues flashing outside.
= Girl, please, have mercy! - I speak with a choked and softly voice, but audibly enough for her. - Let me out! Pretend you didn't see me! I beg you, have mercy... Your boss will kill me, please... Have mercy!
I don't know if I can convinced her, but I feel that she is still hesitant, rolling the whistle between her fingers, as if she felt that really should give me a chance. I noticed that her eyes are softer than her mother's, always so hard, and so inquisitive.
- I... If you let me out. - Point to the library window. - I promise that no one will know. I'll be very quick and discreet... I just need you to let me go and no one will know you see me.
- No... It's not worth to go out there. - Suddenly I heard the girl talking to me, also in a hushed tone. - The courtyard is guarded; Herr Prauchner's is very zealous of his privacy and security!
- But it will rain... Look... - I try to approach her with extreme caution. - With this rain, I'm sure I can leave without being noticed. If have someone out there will certainly take shelter from the rain somewhere. This courtyard is huge... I swear to you I can run and sneak unnoticed!
- I... I... - she hesitated.
- Please! No one will know you saw me, I swear!
Suddenly, I feel the girl's eyes warm with a kind compassion or, maybe she is motivated to make a prank, once she always observant all of her duties. She looks deep into my eyes, hesitate a little, but then she decided, takes my hand and leads me right to the window. At this point, the rain has arrived with a spectacular force. High winds bend the hedges, pines and other trees of the beautiful courtyard and flashes, thunder and lightning still scares me. But the rain is perfect so I can go unnoticed because it is getting stronger, making it difficult even looking for me. The girl looks at me again, loose my hand, pulls away and says.
- This window is only normal lock, just open it and you leave.
- Thank you, dear, thank you! - I mention to approach and kiss her hand, but she moves further and makes an abrupt gesture, indicating that I should leave.
I open the window, and a gust of wind invades the whole library and spread everything that was on the table on the floor. The roar of these falling objects is inevitable, but the storm is so violent, I believe that the noise was muffled. Skip by the huge window, without looking back I sneaking around the mansion, until I decide to run at my own risk, towards what appears to be a forest, which should lead to the end of the ground, to a wall, to somewhere... I run in a desperate way, I cannot have the caution that I told the girl I would because I need to find a way out. The courtyard is huge; it's like running in a garden palace! Unfortunately I could hear the whistle that she had at hand. I think she regretted to help me, but I don't blame her. She's just a girl! I just hope that no one has heard, or at least take long enough so I can embroiled me in these woods...
I think I'm just on the courtyard that faces to the back of the house, and even running like crazy, I don't find anything to indicate that I am leaving the property. I run towards to the woods, but I feel I'm doing silly because I know that it is not prudent to hide under trees in a raging storm like this. But also, what are the options do I have now? I am completely soaked and have difficulties in continuing running through the many trees. I slip on a smooth stone and go to the ground in a matter of seconds. I think I lost consciousness for a long time, because when I woke up, feeling the cold-water stream hurting my face and feel that everything in my body hurts...
But I'm desperate; I need to get out and I start to drag me through the woods, trying to hide me as much as possible between the hedges. I try to get some rest and notice a few scratches, but I'll be fine, anything was broken or dislocated.
Then I hear in the distance what appears to be barking of a big dog. Instinctively remembered Rolf and Ralf, the duo formed by a shepherd and a german dogs that such terror inflicted on Plaszow prisoners. As the sound of barking approaches, more strength I do to drag me away. My right ankle hurts a lot because of slip. It hurts so much that I cannot get up and it was slowing me down. I never felt such determination to achieve something and this unknown force was pushing me further into the woods, which allowed me to get hide among some mulberries. I tried to stay shrunken to not draw attention, but my ankle prevented me to change position. Finally one of the dogs, which seemed like a bloodhound, very popular among fox hunters, founds me. He was not aggressive, but not stopped barking and makes little party around me, happy to have found the "hunt" of his boss. Soon, I felt a flashlight in my eyes and recognized Hans, the short, stocky man who had taken me from the hospital a few days ago. I protect my eyes with one hand while the other hand try to ward off the bloodhound, which by now was pulling my skirt, as if to drag me closer to the man.
- Herr Prauchner, the girl is here! I found her! - He began to shout with such servility tone in his voice that I found extremely annoying.
The man tried to approach me, just as the dog, but when he offered his arm to help me, I pretended to accept and pulled hard, as my sister's did to push Karol in the mud many years ago. If I were drag him there, at least also I would go to the ground, dirty his well-cut clothes and need to take a longer time than planned to reach me. I tried to extricate myself from man, but even in the ground he threw himself on me with all his strength, which made me scream even more. I wanted to be heard, I hope that a neighbour could hear the confusion, but unfortunately was in the middle of a forest, without the slightest sense of my surroundings or even had a neighbour nearby. The noise of the storm drowned out my screams even more. Still screaming as Hans holds me like a large animal. I lift my left leg, which is not hurt and can hit a nice kick between Hans's ribs that gives a scream of pain. And then, I feel a new beam of light illuminate my face.
Down my leg and see Herr Kommandant's, using a beautiful raincoat and a huge black umbrella. Despite the heavy rain, I can see the hand holding the umbrella is crudely bandaged with a piece of cloth which I believe is the shirt he wore when I attacked him. Funny that he had time to take a cloak and an umbrella, but wasted no time making a bandage on his hand. The piece of fabric that emulates a bandage is stained with his own blood. He gives a cold look and in a ruthless manner says:
- Helen, Helen. - His voice is low and I can barely hear him because of the rain. - Let's go home!
- Go to the devil. I do not come back there! - I screamed with all my strength.
Then he turned his back to me and said:
- Hans, you already know what to do.
With a tremendous force, Hans gets up and pulls me tightly into his lap. I still try to make a protest move, but the pain in my right ankle was really starting to bother me. Herr Kommandant must be many steps ahead us, because we not hear him more. I look into Hans's eyes and it's seems like my memory opened a portal and I finally recognized him.
- Günther? Oberscharführer Günther Fritzl? Is it really you?
He fixed his looks on me and gives a half smile, as if he'd been pleased that I could remember him. He was a first sergeant who's lived in the camp kitchen, always asking if Herr Kommandant had taken the whole bottle of wine for dinner. When left over a little, he always asked me to take it to him. He never attacked me, never made a move to do it; in fact, Fritzl was one of a few that didn't bother me in Plazsow. He was like the kind of quiet drunk, which didn't disturb the prisoners who worked in the villa because he knows he had to behave a little more appropriately there. Despite the warmth he had to me or who were in the service of the camp commander, I'd heard horrible stories about him whipping the prisoners who worked in one of the factories with a riding whip. Recognize him made me gives up keep spending my energies with him, because at least in the field he has always been a faithful squire to Herr Kommandant. I resigned on his lap, as we walked out of the forest into the open field, that was, like us, totally drenched in rain.
When we left the woods, a black Mercedes was waiting for us to facilitate our return to the mansion. Hans opens the back door and throw me inside. The movement he made to put me in the car pushes me hard up to Herr Kommandant's lap, who was there waiting for us. Fall with my face into his lap and I have to support my hands on his legs to get me up. I feel the slam door behind me and see Hans has already taken his place in the driver's seat and take the car to the house.
I look at Herr Kommandant, while pull away from my face, with some anger, my long dirty hair with mud, leaves and twigs. However, he doesn't look at me, remains his eyes fixed somewhere along the way or in nothing specific.
The car goes around the yard and stops in front of the door. I see the old witch and the girl, waiting for us. Hans, or rather oberscharführer Fritzl gets out, opens the door and pulls me out with startling force. I cannot support my right ankle, and the officer didn't hesitate to pick me up again in his lap. I see Herr Kommandant gets out of the car, open the umbrella and move towards the door's house. We enter right beside him and I look coldly at Frau Künzel, who stares at me, and shut the door behind us. Herr Kommandant closes the umbrella, calmly takes his sleek hood off and I realize he is still wearing the same shirt he uses in this morning, there was a torn near the belly and completely stained with blood. He turns his blue eyes at me, staring at me without any reaction sketch and says:
- Can you walk?
- If the oberscharführer Fritzl put me down, I can try.
The commander didn't show any reaction on my recognition, but I notice Frau Künzel's lowers her head. The daughter's witch doesn't seem to understand anything that's going on there.
- Hans, put her on the floor. - He says the fake name of this man with an astonishing naturalness. Like my discovery hadn't made any difference to him.
His henchman achieves the orders straight. I try to steady my ankle the best I can, but the pain is unbearable. I'm a little crooked, but standing. And to look at him I finally recognize the Plaszow's monster! He was just asleep under layers of thin clothes and false gestures of chivalry. It's like if his eyes acquire new colour, I can see the anger ruddy those eyes so expressive and blue. His face is a mixture of hatred, coldness and pain, because I see the blood really stained the hilt of his white shirt.
- Can you walk? - He asks again, with a strong voice, but still friendly, although his eyes say exactly the opposite.
- You already asked me that. I think so.
- Great. I'll take you to your new chambers.
- New chambers? - Frau Künzel says. - But I didn't prepare another room for her...
Then Herr Kommandant grabs my arm and starts pulling me tightly. My ankle is very sore and I cannot sign him and with the pull, I'll go again to the ground. He seems not cares; still dragging me like if didn't matter to him if I am standing or being dragged as I was.
- But I have prepared. - He said. - Apparently, this lady doesn't like being treated as a guest, then she will be treated the way she is used to: as a prisoner. Is that so, you Jewish bitch?
With amazing strength, he drags me by the left arm across the hall. I see his employees observe somewhat incredulous to the scene, especially Frau Künzel's daughter, which at this point should be very sorry to have made noise with that whistle. As I can't follow his stride at all, I'm being dragged across the floor. I get even more legs marks of forced rubbing my skin against the carpet and through the floor's hall, but I hold on and don't give a yell. I won't give that bastard the pleasure to hear me shout, because I know from experience that he feels more powerful when inflicts pain on others.
Finally we came to a door at the end of the back hall. He opens the door and lights a fading light. I see a stone staircase and my blood freezes again. He comes down the stairs dragging me, what hurts me even more and I can no longer handle the pain I'm feeling. He pulls me to half of what seems to be a wine cellar, and I look with horror that mobile reproduce to perfection the small room I was sleeping in the villa's basement. He approaches, lifts me sharply from the floor, grabs me tightly in his lap and flings me that fragile bed with violence.
- You stupid! I thought you were a little smarter! - He screams.
- I... I told you in the church if you tried to come near me again I would kill you. - I say, breathless, completely wet, shivering and afraid.
- Shut up! - He shouts again and with the injured hand, give me a hard slap that leaves my face on fire. Again, despite the excruciating pain I don't make a sound. He continues – You'll need more than a hanger to kill me.
So he gets away from the bed and goes towards the stairs. He turns and looks at me in such a terrifying way that flinch's me in bed. But to my surprise, he takes a deep breath and straightens his hair back, which at this point is also all messy, like in the days when he was drunk on the camp and walked to and fro with his uniform and all rest in disarray. His expression varies rapidly from angry to an amazing calm, as if he had been forced himself to stay calm... His unexpected attitude makes me even more scared because I know he is pretending. The real Amon Goeth wasn't being content just to give me a slap. In the old days, he just straighten his hair after nearly kill me with a succession of fast and accurate blows. But it wasn't what happened this time.
- I think now you are very tired. I'll let you rest. I hope you like your new accommodations - He walks away and I feel his heavy steps ascending the stairs.
This cold and controlled attitude surprises me. I saw how he was changed; I felt his fury in that slap, but never, ever saw him recover calm so quickly. Although feigned, this attitude makes me really surprised. The problem is I'm really tired, but I'm also soaked. I feel he let me leave and get wet for tomorrow I'll be more "soft", maybe a little sick, who knows. But I don't want to give this taste to him. If I'm not leaving here for good, certainly I will go off for bad. I need to rest and regain my strength. I won't let this man subdue me again, I cant, I won't...
1. Translate song excerpt, to English:
Oyfn Pripetshik – On the cooking stove
When you grow older, children,
You will understand by yourselves,
How many tears lie in these letters,
And how much lament.
When you, children, will bear the Exile,
And will be exhausted,
May you derive strength from these letters,
Look in at them!