Hi, guys, this is another translated chapter from The Labyrinth. Thank's for all your support and let me know what you think. Please, send me a review! I apologize for the grammatical mistakes, but English is not my first language. But I hope is better than google translate. Thank's to Koala29 for the review, I hope you like this chapter too. A big hug to all of you, Claire
Chapter 17: In blood and fire
I run behind Frau Künzel's, which at this point is already going to the basement. She turns on the light and quickly down the stairs with a heavy box in hands. Helen is in the same place where I left her and is no longer convulsing, but I see she is struggling because of the fever. Only then I noticed her right ankle is extremely swollen, as if broken or twisted.
Frau Künzel opens the box, takes out a syringe and a bottle with medication and without blinking, pulls Helen's right arm and applies an accurate shot.
- What did you use on her, Elza?
- Penicillin, nothing more.
- But you know what she does?
- Probably pneumonia, Herr Kommandant.
- Don't call me like that.
- You called me Elza. Twice.
- Forgive me. It's the tension.
- In this house I am Frau Künzel, Emily Künzel, not Elza anymore, much less Elza Muller... And you need to control yourself better. Your new identity is all you really have, Sir.
- I... Don't be insolent, "Frau Künzel"... I am the boss here.
- And I'm your housekeeper. But we don't know how much she is unconscious. I don't know if she is pretending not to recognize me. I take care of her so many times when she was young, when you get too exceeded on her in the camp...
- Shut the hell up, Elza! She is unconscious. Do what you do best. Be the nurse you always were.
- With this strong dose of penicillin I hope, at least, the fever begins to go down. But we need to get her out of here; she needs a cold shower and a warm place, all this moisture only made her ill. And pray for her to get better, otherwise she needs to be hospitalized...
- She goes to my room! Let's go!
- But, Herr Prauchner... She has a suite; you don't have to be moved out of your room to take her upstairs. Her room is excellent, warm and...
Taking Helen in my lap, which at this point moaned still unconscious, I start up the basement stairs, taking care to make her as comfortable as possible in my arms. She doesn't protest, doesn't seem to mind. I turn to Frau Künzel's, who is gathering some objects back in the box and I say, pretending to be calm, but deep down, extremely irritated by her impertinent way of talking to me.
- And who said I'm going to get out of there? There's enough room for both of us!
I don't wait for Frau Künzel's answer; I turn my back on her. I walk through the deserted house with Helen on my lap. Her head rests on my chest and I feel her breathing is heavy; it looks more like a noise than someone who is actually breathing. She has her skin literally on fire, the cheekbones are red, but her feet and hands are completely icy. I realize that she is shivering and shaking a lot, as if she alternated the sensation of cold and heat almost instantly.
I hurry up the stairs, walk the hall in the dark, and enter my room. Even with Helen being in this deplorable condition, I cannot help but think that she is finally in my room, in my house, truly enjoying my intimacy in Vienna! Oddly enough, despite the whole situation, I feel great, I feel like I've won a battle, even though I still haven't won the war!
I gently put her on my bed and run to the bathroom to turn on the cold water in the tub. I put the tip of my fingers in the water and I can see that it is very cold, because I make a face as soon as I feel the cold water stiffen my fingers. I hear Frau Künzel's footsteps in the room and I get scared when I see her with two ice buckets in her hands.
- Where did you get that?
- You have more than one refrigerator in the kitchen, don't you? I always keep one well stocked. You never know when we'll need ice...
- You really are amazing. But isn't it dangerous to put her burning in a bathtub so cold?
- She needs to take this heat shock. Already convulsed, here I have few resources, I'll use all for this fever to lower.
- What about the lungs? Her breath is very noisy.
- I've already asked Hans to look for an acquaintance of mine. He has a pharmacy. I have forwarded a list of medicines that we will need for her to get better. The case is serious, yes, we will try to avoid a hospitalization and...
- We won't take her to a hospital. She's still wanted.
- You haven't heard from her family anymore?
- No, I made up an urgent trip, and disappeared. But Hans told me that Samuel is with her sister's looking for Helen out of Vienna, in the vicinity... They are still staying here. I asked Hans to come up with some false clues, so they could leave right away. Can I bring her here?
- Yes, I'll help you.
- No need. I'll take care of it.
I walk up to my bed, which is still undone by the sleepless night and I find her there, exactly where I left her. Looking at her in such a deplorable state, I am horrified. Her hair is all stuck to her head, which by now is completely drenched with sweat. Her lips are bruised with small wounds, her nose is very red and congested, her eyes marked with dark circles around and her right ankle swollen. Not to mention some purple marks and scratches, the result of her frustrated attempt to escape and our last confrontation. The maid's uniform seems out of place in time and space, but for now I avoid thinking about the punishment I was inflicting on her and focus on her recovery.
I put her on my lap slowly, avoiding leaving her in an uncomfortable position and I walk carefully to the bathroom. Frau Künzel finished putting the ice in the bathtub and, always with her firm speech, says:
- You can leave her with me, Herr Prauchner. I'll undress her and put her in the tub. You can leave if you want.
- You wont be able to put her in the bath alone, Frau Künzel.
- I'm stronger than you think! And besides, you told me you wouldn't see her without clothes. My daughter and I bathed her when she arrived here, completely doped.
- This time it's different! I don't want your daughter here. I don't want her to see Helen in this state and be shocked. This may be bad for my plans.
- Do you think my daughter would be able to betray you to the authorities? Well, calm down, she won't do it. I can call her right now and...
I raised my arm in a gesture for Frau Künzel to shut up and said,
- Tell me what I need to do and I'll do it.
- If that's the case, take off that sweat-soaked dress and help me put her in the bathtub at once. She must feel the heat shock quickly!
- Right! - That's all I can say to my housekeeper.
This is because I am about to do something that I always wanted and that at the same time now embarrasses me deeply. It wasn't under these circumstances that I imagined seeing my Helen naked. As I unzip her dress, in a rush that breaks any possibility of romanticism, I think about how much I fantasized a lot with this moment, idealizing a reciprocity of feelings that I have full conviction that doesn't exist, at least with concerns her about me.
She hates me and despises me with the same intensity that I love her, and that makes the moment even more embarrassing, because I promised her I wouldn't touch her or take any liberty with her, if it was not in full agreement and with her conscious of her actions. This breach of trust, even though she doesn't know it, bothers me, because I'm trying to get things right with her. I didn't want to see her like this, but I feel that this time it's necessary, I want to be present all the time, I want to monitor her recovery. I want her to know that I didn't want her to get sick, that all of this happened because she was stubborn. Helen, before being my prisoner, was my guest, my guest...
Faster, Herr Prauchner, please!
I accelerate the movements and open her dress. Underneath the uniform there is absolutely nothing! Maybe when she bathed in the basement, Helen didn't have enough strength to dress properly. I remember well that I left several intimate pieces available for her, although I only left the uniform as an option of dressing in the basement. I wanted her feel so outraged by the past that she longed to return to her suite. Maybe she hasn't found these intimate pieces...
Anyway, I was quick. I needed to get rid of her soaked uniform. Frau Künzel finished helping me undress her, and then I placed her at once in the bathtub. The heat shock was immediate and made her scream terrifyingly. Then, she opened her eyes and, holding them very wide, but focused on nothing, continued to scream, clearly suffering with cold size. For a moment, I had the uneasy feeling that she was looking at me, that she had regained consciousness and was absolutely annoyed that I had broken the promise I had made to her. As I wasn't sure if she was really conscious or just reacting to inducement, I lowered my eyes so I wouldn't meet her eyes again.
- Enough, Frau Künzel. You're going to kill her!
- I know what I'm doing, Herr Prauchner, I've done this before.
- She's screaming and floundering, how can that be good for her?
- A little more, and we can take her off.
Helen moaned loudly and struggled and I became more and more desperate. I made a sudden movement, intending to get her out of the tub, but Frau Künzel, always very cold, held one of my wrists as if to say "let me continue," even though I didn't hear a word from her lips. And then, after a period that seemed to me endless, the old governess turns her face towards me and says:
- Right. She can leave now. Get her out of the tub, quick!
I did as she said and pulled Helen out of the tub. Frau Künzel took a towel from the bathroom cabinet and threw it over Helen's naked body. As I said before, as much as I wanted to see her undressed, this was simply not the ideal time to allow me any kind of enchantment or dazzle. I concentrated on being quick, practical, helping out as much as possible to see her out of her deplorable state. We managed to wrap the towel on her, and again I carried her to my bed. Frau Künzel had left the room, she had gone to get something out of there, and I had a few moments alone with Helen.
She seemed to fall asleep again, was calm, had closed her eyes, and was more serene, despite the still noisy breathing. Her face looked better, because Frau Künzel was still able to take a quick shower on her. There was no more secretions, no more vomit, or anything repulsive. Freshly washed, her hair is completely wet, and fell down her back and smelled my shampoo, which had absolutely nothing of feminine. I couldn't help but find this interesting. She had my scent!
Immediately, I went back to the bathroom and got another towel, wiped her body, the parts that were still wet and not wrapped around the other towel.
I knew that soon Frau Künzel would enter through that door, with another immediate action to be taken. So I wanted to make me useful, to help with what I could... I continued to wipe her arms, her right ankle, which was still very swollen, her left ankle, her feet, until there was nothing left to dry. Then, when I found myself, I was already watching her carefully, taking advantage of this little truce between us, always so distant.
It was then that I felt an urge to touch her... At first, I didn't feel like doing anything inappropriate with her, my intention was not this. After all, I consider myself a gentleman, and I promised her I would do nothing without her knowing or allowing it. So what I allowed myself to do was touch the tips of my fingers across one of her shoulders, which was uncovered. The touch was very subtle, because I was afraid that she would feel it and get agitated again. But, I think, at that moment, Helen might not even have bothered. I guess her mind wasn't there in that room.
But on the contrary, I was totally conscious. So, to me, the sensation was indescribable. Almost like trying to describe to someone the best moment of your life. The best dish. The best drink. The pleasures of play with your favourite toy or maybe play an instrument. The most exciting opera. The accurate shot. The hug of one of my children... Anyway, it is difficult to explain, to measure on a common scale that makes up the list of the small pleasures that make life worth living. No, I'm not sensitive to this point. Even slobbery. I don't even consider myself a romantic. I have no illusions, so I cannot explain the feeling; I only make stupid comparisons with things that pass through my head.
It was then that I remembered at random a poem party I attended in Buenos Aires, when I had been there in my self-exile. The poet, a Chilean named Pablo Neruda recited a poem of his own that was etched in my memory like a dagger nailed to the heart. I heard that poetry and immediately after the show I bought the book. That South American guy seemed to have read my soul when he wrote that...
I don't love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
from waiting to not waiting for you
my heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
Maybe January light will consume
my heart with its cruel
ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one who
dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.
Her skin reacted to my soft touch with a low, totally involuntary, chill. Encouraged by this reaction, I continued this mimicry of caress, gently lowering my fingertips toward the towel that covered her breasts. I needed to see them again. I wanted to make sure that what I had just seen was what had remained in my memory of eleven years ago, when I went down to the basement and found her with a wet night dress stuck to her body. I never forgot that vision, and what I saw today only confirmed that I was right to seek her all these years, that after seeing her in that way I had condemned my soul!
I would never feel this sensation again, unless it was with her. And dying without reliving that feeling was definitely not in my plans. Helen Hirsch marked my soul with her spell and I see no reason to free myself.
As I begin to pull the towel, very slowly, I hear the noisy Frau Künzel's footsteps, which enters the room without even apologizing; again with arms full of provisions. She approaches me on the bed and says:
- Great, I'm glad you already wiped her. I thought you'd be daydreaming about the poor creature unconscious in your arms.
- Frau Künzel, I'll tolerate your nonsense because you are an old woman who is very necessary in my life. Otherwise already…
- ...Would you have killed me? No, you know you can't do that. Times have changed; anything you do against me would be a huge inconvenience to you and your new identity.
Changing the subject to avoid an inappropriate anger at that moment, I ask:
- What are all those bags?
- Hans brought the medicines I ordered. She's going to take a few more shots, and when she wakes up tomorrow, I think she'll be able to switch to oral medication. I brought her underwear and warm pajamas, so she was comfortable. I went to get this in her room. Can I wear her alone now?
- Don't you need my help any more?
- No, it won't be necessary. You can come back in a few minutes. But leave us now.
- But I...
- Keep the mystery, Herr Prauchner. If it is the enchantment you want, let her know that you have kept your word when she wakes up. Be the gentleman that you claim to be.
Shocked by such audacity, I leave the room without a word.
- As if this old woman understood what's happening to me more than I do!
I go out of the room and, aimlessly, I end up heading for Helen's suite. I sit on the bed and watch the wall clock, counting the minutes to go back to my room. When ten minutes have passed, I get up from her bed and go back to my rooms. Frau Künzel had already put her in her pajamas and was trying to get her under the covers. When she sees me, she begins to speak.
- The fever is coming down.
- Good.
- I already had two other injections. Let's wait. She needs to rest. I'm going to put the serum on her right arm and I need you to help me apply that ointment and bandage on her right ankle.
- It did not break?
- No, it was just a sprain. A few days without stepping on the ground and, keeping the track, it will be good soon. As she will take to get up from this bed, she will recover well.
I helped Frau Künzel with all these arrangements, and when I found out, it was already daylight. We took care of her until about ten o'clock in the morning, when I had to go out to take care of some urgent business. I took a quick shower, got dressed even faster, and left home without even having breakfast. All the action of the dawn put an end to my appetite, just as I had ended my sleep. Before leaving, I turned to Frau Künzel and said
- Go rest, she's fine! Don't worry about lunch. Guide the maid to prepare only the servants' meal and go to sleep. Tell your daughter to come and join Helen until I come back. I'll try to be brief, but I must go to Vienna's downtown to settle some business.
- Of course, Herr Prauchner. Don't worry. I'll do what you said.
- Great!
I leave the house and meet Hans, who at this point is waiting for me with the car door open.
- Where are we going, Herr Prauchner?
- To my accountant's office. I have business to resolve.
- Right, sir.
- We'll go to the Hotel Sacher later.
- Where is the...
- Yes. I have to make sure he gets out of my way. He needs to get back to New York.
- But wouldn't her sister recognize you?
- Maybe I need to pay to see. It's a risk I must take. Anyway, I've never seen her in person. Maybe she also never saw me; after all, she worked at the Bosch factory, outside the camp...
- I hope you know what you're doing.
- I know, Hans. I think I know...
And, when I was in silence again, Neruda's poem hits me right on my face:
(...) In this part of the story I am the one who
dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.
* Poem "I don't love you except because I love you", by Pablo Neruda, from the book " One Hundred Sonnets of Love".