Hello, please, send me a review, let me know what you think. I hope this translation is a little better than google. I'm sorry for the grammatical mistakes, I hope the story is understandable. I hope you like it. A big hug to everyone, Claire

Chapter 18: Rest

I enter unwillingly in the marble hall of the Hotel Sacher. I had called the hotel, from my accountant's office to check if Maestro Samuel Horowitz was still staying there. I wasn't quite sure where he was staying, since Helen's "disappearance" he and his family had changed hotels a few times. Luckily, I was able to talk to him, and scheduled an afternoon tea with him in the hotel lounge.

Exhausted by last night's events, I forced myself into this situation, because I need to know how the searches are going, if I have to worry, if I'll be considered a suspect and pretty much for vanity and cruelty, for sure. I want to look at the conductor's suffered face, just to see his weakness, his pain. Certain habits, don't matter how hard I try, are difficult to change. And I must confess, sometimes I like to see the suffering of others. It has always been like that.

I saw a woman accompanied him at the table. From a distance, I couldn't tell who she might be. But when I approached the table, I realized that the resemblance to Helen was too frightening to be ignored. It could only be Anna, Helen's younger sister. I confess that at this moment my heart seemed to stop and accelerate in a new rhythm, because I'm not sure if Anna even saw me in the camp. I, at least, had never seen her in person. She's pretty like her sister, but there's something lighter about her, she doesn't have the dark nature of Helen, it seems the concentration camp didn't affect her so much. But this may be just a first impression, which makes her less attractive than her sister. At least for me.

- Anton, it's good to see you again! - Samuel says, as he takes my hand and squeezes it firmly.

- It's my pleasure, maestro. - I reciprocate, pretending not notice the dejection in the man's eyes. His face is completely different from that annoyingly cheerful face I've known. The last few weeks have hit him deeply.

- Let me introduce my sister-in-law, my wife's sister. Anton Prauchner, this is Anna Hirsch.

Helen's sister gets up, quickly extinguishes the cigarette she was smoking in an ashtray, and gives me an empty stare, as if she doesn't mind paying attention to me, which is great, given the circumstances. However, I couldn't help but stare at her, searching her face for some possibility of recognition. After all, I didn't change my appearance, except for the age effect and weight loss. If she recognized me, she pretended very well not to have done so, because she showed no reaction at all.

- Hello. I'm Helen's sister. - He merely gave me a short greeting, sat down again on the table, automatically opening her purse and asking.

- Do you mind if I smoke? I'm very nervous and only the cigarette has calmed me down these days...

- No, of course not. - I say, impressed by the difference in temperament and even attitude among the sisters. Helen is the opposite of Anna, who despite being younger, appears to be a more vivid woman, with very adult manners, has a way of being a very experienced woman.

- So, any news, any breakthrough in the investigation? - I ask, really interested in this subject. I look at Anna, who is distracted by the cigarette smoke.

- Nothing, it's like looking for a needle in the haystack... What I don't understand, Anton, is how a woman wearing hospital robes runs away from an institution, undocumented, and simply evaporates, as if she'd never existed?

- But the police work with what hypothesis?

- With several... Kidnapping, because I enjoy a certain fame and prestige. But the nurse who was with her in the courtyard, the porter who guarded the back door and left it open, anyway, all the people who saw her or had some contact with her, have already spoken and repeated everything they knew, leaving none alternative, hypothesis, nothing. Nobody knows anything, nobody saw her! She disappeared, as if by witchcraft.

- It's a lie, Samuel, and you know it! - Suddenly, Anna releases a nervous puff of cigarette practically on my face and looks at Samuel in an impertinent way, pointing at him with her cigarette.

- That girl, the one in the yard, also hospitalized, said she saw Helen talking to a guy at the back gate. She also said that she saw Helen opening the gate and coming out of her own free will with a man. A squat, blond man, don't tell me you don't remember that...

- Anna, enough! You know this story cannot be taken into account. This woman suffers from multiple mental illnesses. Anton, she raves, she's crazy, this woman who said she saw Helen spoke a ton of nonsense along with that supposed testimony. She doesn't know what she saw, she's fantasizing, she's really crazy... I cannot give credit to this crazy person!

- Why do I just believe in this woman? - Anna turned her gaze back to mine. - She told us this story over and over again. It is true that she told other nonsense stories, but this one she repeated and repeated, it wasn't like the others, that she invented at her pleasure and changed the end in every encounter. Lord... - She gestured again with her cigarette pointing to me, struggling to remember my name. - I'm sorry, what's your name again?

- Anton Klauss Prauchner... - I just answered that and was soon cut off by Anna's impetuosity.

- Mr. Prauchner... You wouldn't believe in someone who tells the same story without at least changing a comma? - Then she looked at me more attentively, which made me look away and direct them at Samuel, who was bowed, irritated with the way the conversation was taking.

- I don't think we can give credit to someone who lives under the influence of drugs. Maybe even from shocks, we cannot say with certainty that it is a reliable source... - I tried to compromise, to which she responded at the time.

- I believe her. I believe she knows what she's saying, independent of delusions. She was the only person who saw my sister walking out that damn gate. What's more, she was not alone; someone took her from there! What I would pretty like to know is why they did it? Who would it is to take my sister away?

- Enough, Anna! Enough! We already talked about this. You haven't seen your sister. Helen was upset. She talked things without nexus, even attacked Mr. Prauchner before she fell ill and needed to be hospitalized.

- Let's forget it was happened. - I tried to soften the tone of the conversation, which was pending to my side. I didn't want to draw Anna's attention even further to my side. But she wasn't convinced.

- I'm upset, Sam. You don't let me get ahead of it, you're tired... You should do like your parents and go back to the United States, breathe a little. Or, the way you are going, you will end up like my sister having a nervous breakdown. And that won't help us with anything.

I watch Samuel raise his head, clench his fists, and speak harshly with Anna.

- And you want me to do what? May I go back to New York, reassume the orchestra as if nothing had happened and live my life without her? Do you think this is remotely possible, Anna?

- I didn't say that! I just think you're too tired... Look... Sam, I know my sister more than you, more than anyone else in the world. There are times when I have the impression that she chose this path.

- What? Samuel interrupts her. - Do you think she chose to run away from the life she has? From family? Friends?

Anna lets out another cigarette puff, and continues to speak as extinguishes it in the ashtray. I lean my body forward; trying to follow the reasoning line she took.

- Helen has always lived in a world apart. Since the end of war and because all that she had gone through; she built a wall around her. Or will you tell me that you think my sister is a completely normal person?

- Anna, don't make me say that I think she is more sane than you, who lives an unstable life, you don't cling to anything or anyone, live changing your address, your boyfriend, your profession...

- Stop judging me! Don't be ridiculous! If you'd worn my shoes I'd have known that it wasn't easy! If you had ever worn your wife's shoes at least once in your life, would understand her much more. Helen doesn't belong to you, doesn't belong to me, and doesn't belong to anyone. She never fully recovered from what we experienced in the war, she lives a life full of loose ends, but oh, of course, the great conductor, genius composer, never bothered to look truly into his wife's soul. Helen was never the same person again after she left that bloody concentration camp! You don't understand now and you'll never understand. Sam, the anti-Semitism you experienced in the war doesn't even come close to what we've been through. This is your problem. You barely know the woman who has been with you all these years and, in fact, never try to know.

- You're being unfair, Anna. Helen never opened up to me, as she never opened up to you. She is like that and I think this has nothing to do with the insinuation you have just made. If she wanted to drop everything, she would have asked for the divorce and not disappeared, as it happened.

- I don't know, it's just another hypothesis. All this also confuses me. But when she told me about the orchestra tour, I remember she was less excited than usual. I was afraid she was diving into one of those crises that we know so well...

Samuel interrupts, irritated.

- She was fine; there was no crisis at all. This is where she fell ill...

- Maybe it's a war trauma. - I said, trying to get a ride on Anna's reasoning about the disappearance, because it was a theory that favoured me in many ways.

- War trauma? Samuel asked.

- Yes. If it is, as Anna says, maybe Europe might have done her harm, because brought back memories she preferred to forget. And this may have triggered an outbreak. Medicated as she was, she may have gone off at random, even if someone had facilitated to her this exit from the hospital.

- See, Sam? - Anna looks pleased to her brother-in-law. - This man hardly knows her and has already diagnosed Helen's mind much more accurately than the two of us together.

- Anna, please. Anton, I'm sorry, but I won't believe it... I don't want to believe it. It is too painful to imagine that my wife couldn't speak of her ghosts with me. I'd rather think she was taken against her will than she actually thought of running away from her life... Running away from me. And, excuse me, but this whole conversation is giving me migraine. I need to get some rest.

I took the opportunity to get up too, since I had no intention of being alone, being watched even more closely by Anna. I was feeling exhausted, and I don't like to expose myself when I am so tired, because I know that I can lower my guard and compromise my new identity somehow.

- Samuel, I'll have to leave Vienna again soon, but if you need anything, or just want to talk, please look for me. You have my card.

- Thank you, Anton. I don't know how long I can still stay here. I need to set some issues in New York so I can come back here and focus on the searches.

- I can stay, Sam. I have no bureaucratic question to settle in New York. I'm on vacation and got a license at the publishing house to stay longer in Vienna. - Anna commented.

- In any case, count on me. –I said casually. I greeted them both quickly and rushed out the hall's door, with the sense of duty fulfilment. I had done my part and avoided raising suspicion.

As I stepped out onto the street, a thin drizzle struck my face. Put the hat on my head and was getting ready to get into the car when I felt a hand lightly touch my arm. I turned to see who it was and then I glimpsed Anna, who was looking at me intensely.

- Please, if you can, stay in touch with us. We need all the help available. And since you're from Vienna, I feel you can help us. Samuel is too frail, we don't know anyone here, we need all the help we can get. Help me make Sam understand that she wasn't lying when said she saw my sister walking away with a strange fellow. Please help us. We are desperate. Thank you!

Anna spoke very sincerely, with tears streaming down her eyes, which really moved me, given Anna's physical resemblance to her sister.

- I... I will do my best. See you soon, Fraulein Hirsch. Sorry, but I really need to go.

- Oh, of course. I'm sorry again. See you soon!

I got in the car, Hans barely waited for me to close the door to start move.

- Problems, sir?

- No, not at all. Now we can go home.

I look back, and from the rear window I see Anna looking at the car. I watch her bring a hand up to her face in an unnecessary attempt to wipe the tears as the rain begins to thicken. When we're round the corner, I can still see her standing in front of the hotel, looking desolate.

- She didn't recognize me. - I think.

Maybe she really hadn't seen me on the camp. Many people knew that I managed it, but not everyone came to have some kind of contact with me. Even in my inspections... After all, Anna spent a lot of time at the Bosch factory and also in the sheds outside Plaszow, in a kind of subcamp for Bosch employees. And she was even younger than Helen in those days. Maybe she blocked anything in her memory that evoked the camp. Unlike her sister, she seemed to have fared much better over war traumas.

Now I turn my thoughts to Helen. I sincerely hope she is better. If she goes through this acute phase of the disease, I'll feel better about myself. I want her with me, I'm pretty sure it, but I don't want her sick, suffering. I pushed things a little to fold her, but she still doesn't give up. It's getting more and more complicated. And, I confess, seeing Anna become hysterical with Samuel made me apprehensive. What if, for some reason, Anna makes some connection that will bring her to me? She seemed much more attentive to the facts than Samuel, but even so, I don't think she recognized me. Anyway, it's a really complicated situation, which I hope won't get out of my control. It took me a long time to forge this identity and I don't want to lose it. I don't want to have to live in exile again; it's enough for me have to play the recluse. Running away again, living alternating disguises and hiding places no longer pleases me. And live away from her even less...

- Sir, won't you come down? We were standing in front the mansion about ten minutes ago. - Hans wakes me up from my daydream.

- Hmm? Oh, that's right. Thank you, Hans!

- At your service, sir.

I walk into the house through the front door, quickly up the stairs and toward my rooms. I open the door carefully and see that the room is plunged in the gloom; only the light of a lamp is on. Helen is lying down, sleeping soundly. Her breathing is heavy enough for me to hear her from the door, but at least her breath looks lighter than last night, as if she's less congested, which relieves me a little. At her side, I see Frau Künzel's daughter rising quickly from the headboard.

- How is she? I ask as I approach the bed.

- She had a fever in the afternoon, but she woke up and got some soup. The fever is not strong, Mom and I bathed her and we medicate her and now she's resting a little.

- Did she wake up for a moment?

- Yes, but she didn't seem to be very conscious of where she was. She didn't say anything, but she wasn't agitated either. - She said.

- Great, thank you. You can leave now.

- But... Mother asked me to take care of her, not to leave the bedside. - The girl didn't want to leave.

- But I'm here and I want to be with her now. You've done what you could for today. You can leave now and don't worry with your mother, it's all settle up.

- Do you want anything else? - She seemed annoyed to leave the room.

- No, I don't, you can go now. - I tried to remain calm, but I confess I was already beginning to be irritated by the petulance of little Künzel.

- Right. Excuse me, sir.

I waited for the girl to leave the room and looked at the watch on my wrist.

- God, I've been out all afternoon, its already dusk. - I hear the thin rain get stronger and louder and slam into the windows.

I approach the headboard. I sit besides her, avoiding to the utmost to make any noise that might wake her. I lightly put the back of my hand on her forehead and, to my delight, I realized that it was slightly warm, neither too hot nor cold. I took the thermometer from one of the nightstands and put it under her arm. I waited for the time and checked the fever.

- 37.5 degrees. He's down a lot. In fact, it is only feverish, nothing that a night of rest doesn't heal. - I ended up talking softly, unintentionally.

Then Helen sighed deeply and shifted, turning to my side on the bed. She opened her eyes very slowly. I was apprehensive; I even avoided breathing in a way that might scare her. She had her eyes half closed, and she fixed her gaze on me. I held my breath, already expecting some nervous reaction from her. But she kept looking at me with a distant look and did what seemed unthinkable so far... Still looking at me like that, she moved her arms, rubbed her eyes a little, and made a gesture as if she were stretching. In fact, she stretched out her arms and touched my face with one hand, a sort of awkward, even abrupt caress. And then she began to speak... Helen spoke softly, her voice almost inaudible, pausing her lines very well, breathing deeply between one part and another of our improbable conversation:

- What time is it?

- Almost six…

- Afternoon or... Morning? - As she spoke, she rubbed her eyes again.

- Afternoon. It's getting dark.

Helen took a deep breath.

- Will you stay here?

- Do you want me to stay?

- I'm afraid of the dark…

- If you want, I won't turn out the light.

- B-b-but I cannot sleep with the light on!

She looked like a helpless child, not very aware if she is awake or asleep. I kept talking to her, as if talking to one of my daughters, long lost in the distant past.

- And what can I do to make you sleep without fear? - I said this as I touched her hair with the tips of my fingers again, not intending to irritate her but to give her some comfort.

- I don't want to be alone.

- So I can stay here, keeping you company?

She paused, as if reflecting on what I said.

- Only if I don't go back to the basement...

- You don't have to go back if you don't want to.

- I never wanted to go there! I don't want to go back to the basement!

I felt her begin to shake and I tried to calm her, speaking in an even softer voice, pulling my hand away from her hair. As I spoke I realized that she had closed her eyes. So I decided to end the conversation.

- Shhhh. You need to sleep.

I made mention of getting up from the bed, but she opened her eyes again, lifted her arm, and holding my hand lightly, said:

- Stay.

- Are you sure?

She didn't answer with words, just dropped her arm heavily on the bed. Faced with this unexpected attitude, which I interpreted as a "yes", I quickly took off my shoes and the clothes I was wearing, and I immediately lay down besides her, wearing only underwear, briefs and a cotton T-shirt. She was already with her eyes closed and seemed to sleep again. I stayed away from her, in a corner of the bed, because I didn't want her to be nervous or disturbed by my presence.

And then she surprised me again. She turned to the other side of the bed, as if it were something very casual, the two of us lying there, as if it had always been so. She took a deep breath, coughed a few times and said in a tone of voice that showed an astonishing complicity, a complicity of those who lived together for many years:

- Turn the light off, Sam. I need to sleep.

A little shocked to realize that she is mixing reality, I do as she asked me and turn out the light from the lamp.

As I listened to her snore, I let go of the anger because she confused me with that fucking maestro; after all, she is under the influence of many medications and still recovering from the convulsions. So I decided to relax and enjoy a moment that seemed to be unique. An armistice, finally!

I stretched my body as I hadn't done for a long time, let out a deep sigh, put my arms behind my head, as I used to do when I was little, closed my eyes and I think I slept instantly.

I slept the sleep of the righteous, a wonderful sleep, like this who surrenders to weariness, after a heavy day. Someone who sleeps satisfied with himself. After so long, a well deserved rest.

I don't care anymore if Anna could have recognized me, I don't care about Samuel and his whining of a weak man. All that interests me is here, by my side, in my bed. And I deserve this rest...