Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Ch 6: Confessions

Lily stared at the letter for almost an hour. He wanted to see her. She wanted the same. The way her heart tried to pound out of her chest each time she thought of him. How anticipation coursed through her body as she eagerly awaited his replies. His mesmerizing grey eyes haunted her. The way they were slowly opening up to one another. It all added up to an irrefutable truth. She fancied Draco Malfoy.

Except she'd promised not sneak out again. Watching Harry cry, knowing how much he feared for her safety. Understanding what was at stake should she be caught. No. She couldn't do it, no matter how much she wanted to.

Draco,

I'd like to see you too, but I promised my dad I'd not take any more risks. Would you come here instead?

Lily

The reply came only a couple hours later.

Lily,

You really think my showing up at Weasley's would go over any better?

Draco

Lily bit her lip, wondering the best approach. It hadn't been a flat out refusal. Perhaps he really did want to see her just as much as she did him. There must be a way to make it happen!

Draco,

You could wait in the garden or the orchard, and I could come to you there. We live just outside of Ottery St. Catchpole.

Lily

His next reply arrived right at an hour after she'd sent Thea off with her idea.

Lily,

I can't believe I'm agreeing to this. Meet me outside at eleven - I already know where it's at.

Draco

"He's coming here!" Lily squealed excitedly, clutching the note to her chest.

Thea gave a tired hoot in acknowledgment as she watched Lily's antics. The poor creature looked exhausted, and she gratefully accepted the water and treats Lily offered her, consuming half a bowl while Lily hurriedly scribbled her note on the back of his, too impatient to waste time searching out a fresh sheet of parchment.

Draco,

I'll meet you then. Don't be late!

Lily

She'd gone for casual teasing, not wanting to reveal too much of her feelings in case he didn't return them. But considering how he'd begun trusting and confiding in her, surely he felt similarly.

The rest of the day was spent trying to conceal her growing excitement. No one seemed to notice, the Burrow's inhabitants all too caught up in packing and worrying about the upcoming year. Since Lily wouldn't be returning with them, she was excused from much of their chores, and able to slide under the radar.

That night, she waited on the wooden bench near the roses her gran tended to while listening to the chickens in the nearby coup occasionally cluck. Fireflies flickered, the light pulsing like the beat of a heart, illuminating her surroundings.

Draco flew into sight at five minutes before eleven, displaying all the punctuality she expected from him. He hopped off his broom easily, hair windblown and messy as he strode over to stand only a foot away from her. He was tall, and she had to tip her head back to look into his eyes. They were even brighter than she remembered.

Neither spoke at first, each too busy taking the other in. A sense of disbelief filled the air, swirling about them like a hurricane. Lily discreetly pinched her arm, making sure this wasn't a dream. The brief stab of pain told her it wasn't.

"You fly really well," she said quietly. He'd been very graceful in the air, handling the broom as though it was an extension of his body and demonstrating complete control over the movements he made. He'd made flying look nearly as effortless as Harry did. Nearly.

"I thought you said I needed practice?" he asked, bemused.

"I take it back," she said, shrugging.

"Maybe we could go together sometime," he suggested, voice wavering and touched with uncertainty.

He was nervous. Lily's lips parted at the realization. It was almost confirmation that he was beginning to view her with equal interest.

Boldly, she asked, "Like a date?"

"We're in the middle of a war. On opposite sides at that. Not really the best time for dating, wouldn't you agree?" he said, searching her face, almost daring her to disagree.

"Maybe it's the best time. Who knows if we'll get the chance again afterwards," she retorted, taking a step closer and lifting her chin stubbornly.

"This is insane," he declared.

Lily's breath caught as he lifted a hand to cup her face, his thumb stroking over the arch of her cheekbone, soft as a flower petal.

"I can't stop thinking about you," she admitted frankly, letting him know that friendship wasn't what she was seeking from him.

"I'm having the same problem," he agreed, bending to press his lips to hers.

The kiss was gentle, tentative, exploring. Carefully, his mouth grazed her own, giving her a chance to retreat. The hesitation didn't last long. The instant her arms wrapped around his neck, the hand at her cheek threaded through her hair, cupping the back of her head and locking her to him.

His tongue traced the seam of her lips, and she opened immediately to the heated caress, giving him the access his body requested. Their tongues dualed, passion infused in each touch.

Fire surged through her veins, igniting her from within. His kiss brought her roaring to life. Need and desire and longing welled within her, overflowing. Her head spun and shivers ran up and down her limbs, heedless of the summer heat and the warmth emanating from the one that held her so close that not an inch separated their bodies.

His lips commanded hers, taking possession of her completely. Lily felt a hand slip down her side and around to her back, tugging her even closer.

With a rudeness that tore a whimper from the depths of her soul, Draco broke the kiss. Though his forehead remained pressed tightly to hers and his panting breaths fanned her face, matching the tempo of her own unsteady breathing.

"This will never work. You're Potter's daughter," he gasped.

"That's just one part of who I am," Lily insisted, scratching his scalp lightly where her fingers had woven into his soft platinum locks. He shivered when she did, and she rewarded him by repeating the action.

"It's a pretty big part. He and I have been enemies for years," Draco said, sighing and releasing his hold on her.

Reluctantly, Lily stepped back, taking a deep breath and bracing herself before asking, "Why do you hate him?" Draco said nothing, but his face scrunched in contemplation. "Draco?" she prodded.

"He made it pretty clear he didn't want to be friends when we first met," he finally explained, but the shuttered look in his eyes told her that wasn't the full story.

"Were you as abrasive then as you have the tendency to be now?" Lily asked, calling him out on his prickly behavior thus far in their acquaintance.

"I'm not abrasive. I just have standards," Draco sneered, turning a disdainful look on her family home.

It took no effort to determine what he thought of the leaning house with the chicken coup out back, the stack of galoshes littering the back porch, and the broken wooden fence circling the property. Even his suddenly stiff posture denounced the home of being unworthy of his presence. He was so undeniably arrogant. Unfounded superiority oozing from him in a way that chafed her raw.

"And where have those standards gotten you?" she demanded, making her opinion clear about just how ridiculously naive she found him to be.

"I'm not going to overhaul my entire belief system for you," he said, frowning at her, as though she were the one with mistaken beliefs and unrealistic expectations.

"I'm not asking you to," Lily stated calmly, then crossed her arms and studied him.

He was a walking contradiction. He loved his family, believed they were above everyone. But he didn't want to follow Voldemort, and he'd seemed relieved upon learning Harry would triumph.

Perhaps he truly did believe that Purebloods were better. Unfortunately, he didn't seem to know how to reconcile that with everything else going on in his life. Nor did he seem to understand why he believed what he did.

"But are you sure you do believe in everything your father taught you?" she asked, guessing that his currently imprisoned father was the basis for his attitude, and that he was uncomfortable questioning what he'd always been taught.

It was not unlike a person questioning their religious or political beliefs for the first time. It seemed wrong to do so. To dare consider believing differently than their parents or what they'd been raised to believe. But everyone had to eventually make those sorts of decisions for themselves based on what worked best with their world views.

"I'm a Pureblood," Draco said simply, voice clipped and undeniably angry.

"So?"

"We're better. We are meant to rule," he said, smirking and glancing at her grandparents' home once more.

"First off, can you really say you are ruling? Or are you at the mercy of your master - forced to carry out his orders? Like a servant."

"Don't! You know -"

"Second, can you honestly say you're better when Hermione, a Muggle-born, has scored higher marks than you in every subject, every year?"

"That's because the teachers all favor her," Draco insisted, frowning.

"Excuses. If you were really better, using them would be beneath you. If you were actually, truly better, you'd be able to admit when you'd been bested," Lily said firmly.

"What would you know about -"

"My cousin is better than me. Smarter. It rankles to admit it, but it's the truth," she said, gritting her teeth afterwards. It was one of the few solid facts she'd retained from before she'd time traveled. Rose, her cousin and Al's best mate, was the most intelligent individual she knew, rivaling even her mother.

Draco looked ready to continue arguing. Instead, he growled loudly, "Augh! I don't know how to make sense of anything."

"It'll get easier. Start by trying to think for yourself, and form your own opinions based on your experiences - not anyone else's word," Lily suggested, heart going out to him.

Reaching out, she took his hand. He watched as she threaded her fingers between his own. A look of indescribable vulnerability came over his face.

"I know one thing for certain - I've never met anyone like you before," he acknowledged quietly.

This time Lily initiated the kiss. He tasted of honey and butterbeer. A warm summer day laughing and playing. Almost at once, his arms found their way around her, pulling her flush against him.

"Will you keep owling me this year?" she requested, her lips continuing to brush his as she spoke, their noses bumping teasingly.

"It's the one thing I have to look forward to," he replied, playfully nudging her nose with his again.

"Promise me you won't just follow blindly," she begged, needing to hear that he'd seriously take what they'd discussed earlier into consideration.

She wanted to be with him, to see where this might go, but she could never be with someone who supported the monster that threatened to destroy the people she loved. Or even innocent people for that matter. Knowing he'd one day become friends with her family only went so far. She wanted him to discover his conscience.

"My hands are tied, surly you understand," Draco said pleadingly, willing her to understand that he could only do so much while his mother's life was on the line.

"I do. I'd do anything to protect my family," she agreed, knowing what a predicament Voldemort had placed him in. But of course that had been the point. He was a master manipulator. Why else would he have so much power?

Draco's forehead fell to her's again, and the hands at her waist squeezed gently. She swallowed thickly, relishing the contact. Such a simple touch produced an enormous reaction in her body. Fuel for the inferno raging within.

"What a mess," he muttered.

"It won't always be," she promised.

"You mean once Potter wins," he said dully, sighing wearily.

"Isn't that better than always living in fear?"

He hummed a sort of acceptance to her question as his fingers traced light circles over the small of her back. The sound tangled with the chirping crickets and lush heat of the summer night.

"What is this?" he asked, pulling back just enough to stare at her.

"I don't know," she said wonderingly, shaking her head and shrugging.

He bent to capture her lips a final time, claiming them with a searing brand that marked her as his.

"I should probably be heading back," he said reluctantly when he broke away.

"Probably," she agreed sadly.

Silently, she watched his retreating form shrink into nothing, the black of night swallowing his cloaked figure entirely too soon before she slipped back into the house, absently noting it was already after three in the morning.

Remus came by the night before everyone was set to return to Hogwarts. His robes were worn and old, and fresh marks covered his neck and cheek. At one point during his visit, he caught her eye, and gave a sad nod. Lily blinked. Did that mean he knew what was wrong with her memory? She'd have to make a point to speak to him before he left.

Currently, however, Harry had pulled Remus aside for a private chat and Lily was listening in, trying to see if he'd mention Draco again. Somehow everything had been relating to Draco in her mind ever since his visit. Remus and Harry had gone upstairs when Remus first arrived and Lily wondered what they were getting up to.

"I have a favor to ask," Harry informed the older man, shifting nervously as he looked at him.

"You know that I'd do anything for you, if it is in my power to do," Remus promised, urging Harry to open up and ask.

"I know you already agreed to, but will you watch over her - Lily - for me. Keep her safe, like you've always tried to do for me," Harry requested earnestly.

"I'll admit, I've failed you in that on more than one occasion," Remus said tiredly, taking a great deal of the burden onto his shoulders as a he ran a hand through his shaggy sandy-blond hair.

"I don't always make it easy. I think she'll be less of a challenge. And I trust you to look out for her," Harry said jokingly. Lily felt bad that he even needed to ask at all. From what she'd read of her life. Jamie and Al had been the wild ones. She'd always been reliable.

"I won't let you down," Remus vowed, squeezing Harry's shoulder as he spoke. "Sirius would come back to haunt me if I did."

The conversation drifted to other subjects regarding the war, and Lily tuned their voices out. It wasn't as though she could help anyways.

When emus found her an hour later, he said, "About our last conversation, I spoke to Albus."

"And? What did he say?" Lily demanded impatiently. She wanted answers. Was she going to continue forgetting? Was it a sign of something worse occurring?

"It was him. He did it," Remus said, lips thinning to a tight, disapproving line.

"What?" Lily breathed, stunned.

"Each time you inadvertently revealed something, it made changes to the timeline you knew. He believed it was prudent to limit how much you could change to prevent you from accidentally altering it so much that you caused yourself to vanish entirely," Remus explained gently, watching her closely.

"So he erased my memory without telling me?" Lily demanded, undeniable feelings of having her mind violated overwhelming her.

"He was concerned that if something happened to you, Harry would be unable to do what needs to be done," Remus admitted, wincing at the truth behind the statement and the slightly selfish motivations driving it. "He also didn't want you having the responsibility of trying to change things. It's too heavy a burden for anyone to bear."

"But… but…" Lily argued, unable to find words. She paused, swallowed, and tried again. "What exactly did he do to me?"

"He caused your memories of the war and your family to fade. Once an event happens in this timeline, and knowledge of it that you had will come back to you, but not until after the events have already occurred," Remus explained, talking her through the complex magic Dumbledore performed on her without her knowledge. It reminded her of what she'd written about Hermione, and what her aunt had done to her own parents. Expect that hadn't turned out to be reversible.

"What if he finds a way to send me back?" Lily asked, dreading the answer. Judging by the expression on Remus's face, she shouldn't have even bothered asking.

"There isn't one. And he knew there were already too many demands on his time this year to find one before any damage was done," Remus admitted sympathetically. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I know this wasn't fair to you."

"I understand," she said dully, feeling hollowed out and empty just then.

The next morning everyone was rushing about finishing last minute packing. Controlled chaos at its finest.

Harry and Ginny cornered her just before it was time to go, and presented her with the most beautiful golden-masked owl she'd ever seen. The face mask was perfectly shaped like a heart outlined in a rich brown, and his feathers were unmistakably gold with dark chocolate markings scattered throughout his plumage.

"But why?" she gasped, accepting the proffered cage.

"So you can write to us," Ginny said dryly, making it sound as though it should have been obvious to her. "What else are owls for?" she added with a roll of her eyes.

"I know how lonely it can be on your own, and I wanted you to have a way to keep in touch with us," Harry explained, though he seemed supremely uncomfortable opening up the way he was.

"We'll miss you," Ginny added, saving Harry from being on the spot any longer.

"Thank you. I promise I'll write all the time," Lily said, staring at the owl, who was watching her with equal fascination.

"You better," Gin said, throwing her arms around Lily for a fierce hug.

Lily hugged her back just as tightly, and asked into her mum's shoulder, "Does he have a name already?"

"You can rename him, but Remus was calling him Helios when he dropped him off for us yesterday," Harry replied.

So that's what the two had been doing last night! Lily had wondered what they were sneaking about for. Then she thought about the name. Helios was the Titaness, Thea's, son. She liked the unconscious connection to Draco.

"No, Helios is perfect for him," she declared, already playing to write Draco and show off her new owl. If she was stuck here, there was no point not indulging in whatever fling that was turning out to be.