Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not J. K. Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Ch 11: Changing Sides

Pain. Blood. Blackness. Tearing. Burning. More blood.

Fire sliced his chest. An agony rivaling that of the Cruciatus Curse. Draco couldn't process what was happening. All he knew was pain.

Then a hooked nose, sallow face was peering at him. Everything was blurry. Disoriented. Moaning. Why did his throat hurt? Who was making that noise?

Faint singing sounded. Melodic and comforting. More blackness.

All those times Draco had groaned, announcing to all who would listen that he was dying over some mere scratch or scrape, now here he was doing so in truth. Literally bleeding out. Surely that was what was happening right then. Draco felt adrift. His soul and consciousness had detached from his body. He couldn't feel anything, yet he knew somehow that it wasn't cause for relief or celebration.

The fire returned - stretching, pulling, ripping. Dear, Merlin, that hurt!

Draco's head lulled to the side, water lapped at him, wetting his robes, rinsing away the sticky warmth flowing from him. The water was blessedly cool, dosing the prye's flames roasting him alive.

Potter's shocked and thoroughly horrified face briefly came into focus. Why did he look like that? Hadn't he meant to do this to him? Draco couldn't be sure. It was all a blur.

What had even happened? Something tickled at the back of his mind, but it was just out of reach, and trying to grasp it only resulted in red-tinged black spots blooming across his vision.

Then his eyes were closing. An abyss beckoned, promising peace and escape from the current torment. Draco welcomed it eagerly, nearly lunging for it.

The next clear memory he had was waking in the hospital wing. Alone. He'd spied on Potter once. After the Triwizard Tournament. Potter had been surrounded by friends, get well cards, and all manner of sweets. None of that was visible when Draco opened his eyes.

He didn't know how long he'd been in the hospital wing, but one thing was clear - no one cared. Not one person gave a damn if he lived or died. It was rather eye-opening.

He knew in the past, he'd have blamed it on Potter. Chalked it up to him being everyone's favorite. Or the boy-wonder getting hurt on purpose to gain sympathy. But Draco couldn't even pretend not to notice how childish his own thoughts sounded when he attempted to make such an excuse now. He had just turned seventeen a week earlier. An adult in the wizarding world. Time to start acting like it. That included acknowledging the painful truth of his current situation.

When the monstrous hippogriff had hurt him in third year, a trifling scratch he now realized, he'd been surrounded by Slytherins. Every one of them fawning over him. But things were different now. His father was disgraced in the Dark Lord's eyes. And all of his "friends" were waiting to see if he could complete the task set before him before they decided if he was a lost cause or not.

Currently, he was not worth aligning themselves with.

Some friends.

But then, that was the Slytherin way. Self-preservation and self-interest above all else. He'd just never realized how lonely it was because he'd always been at the top of it all with everyone else clinging to his robes in the hopes that he'd drag them along, furthering their own gains.

"You'll be fine," a deep voice drawled from across the room.

Draco blinked, looking for his professor in the dark room. There. The man was slowly stalking forward, arms crossed over his chest and a blank look on his face.

If Draco didn't know any better, he'd believe the man under the Imperius Curse. He was so enigmatic. A blank slate.

No wonder he made such an effective spy.

"Potter has gone too far this time. You might finally get your wish to see him expelled - Chosen One or not," Snape sneered, the faintest curl of his lips indicating his pleasure at the thought.

"He was provoked. I started it," Draco admitted. The words tasted bitter. They stung like a hive of bees trapped in his throat as he forced them out. It was even worse when he added, "I nearly always do."

Snape's fear cleared in an instant. He stared assessingly at Draco, as though not recognizing him. Probably, he didn't. Never before had Draco owned up to his mistakes or accepted blame when it rightfully fell on him. Always, he'd passed it off on another or lied outright. No wonder he was so unanimously hated and distrusted.

Lily's letter from months ago when she laid out his faults in black and white came to mind. He could be better. He would be. Starting now. No more waiting or excuses.

"I need help," Draco whispered, hardly daring to say the words aloud. To acknowledge such a dangerous truth. But he had to. It was now or never.

"I've healed you, Draco. You'll be fine. Minimal scarring even - no thanks to Potter," Professor Snape said coolly. His dark eyes glittered in the moonlight coming in through the window, chips of hard obsidian.

"I want out," he said flatly, meaning unmistakable. "She said I could trust you."

"She? She who?" Professor Snape demanded, casting a cursory glance about.

"Potter's daughter," Draco clarified, surprised when he was met with more confusion from his Defense professor. "Lily."

Snape froze. A stillness that seemed impossible.

Draco watched, curious. Had Dumbledor not told him about her? Was it because of Voldemort? Lily seemed certain Snape could be trusted, and right now, he seemed Draco's only hope of escape. Of obtaining salvation.

"There was an accident, and she ended up in this time," Draco explained carefully, not wanting to say more than necessary. It was imperative that she remain safe - no matter the cost to him. "Her background means she knows things."

"And she said you could trust me with this?" Professor Snape asked slowly, his face betraying more emotion than Draco usually saw from the man, though he couldn't quite name the emotions present.

"Her brother...Potter named his son after you," Draco confessed, hoping this would be enough to convince him. Draco may not know why Potter would do such a thing, but he understood the significance of such an act. Names were powerful. Meaningful. Particularly in the Wizarding World.

"What is she to you?" Professor Snape demanded harshly, almost protectively. It was so peculiar that Draco blinked, his mouth falling open at the unexpected reaction.

"I love her," Draco admitted baldly.

"And does she feel the same?" Professor Snape asked cautiously.

"I believe so," Draco said, swallowing. He hoped so at least. "I need your help to keep her safe. To help me deserve her."

Draco watched Snape processing his confession, and waited. Would he decide to help Draco? There was no way to know what he'd decide.

"Potter found her letters to me. He was worried about her," Draco added, explaining the recent events, "and I may have provoked him to get out of explaining, and because… Well, I just needed an outlet."

"In my experience, it doesn't take much to set the boy off," Professor Snape drawled, and Draco smirked at the reminder. It was rather spot on.

"Will you help me deserve her?"

"It's not a simple matter of deciding you want to be worthy. Actions are required," Snape warned in a measured voice. "Atonement, Draco. Are you prepared for - ?"

The door to the hospital wing opened and shut seemingly of its own accord. The quiet click reverberating in the otherwise silent room.

Both men looked towards the closed door in question.

"Homenum Revelio," Professor Snape said clearly, confirming Draco's suspicion that someone had been eavesdropping on them.

Nothing. The spell confirmed that they were alone. Now.

So Potter, Potter with his invisibility cloak, had been listening to their conversation. Well, it wasn't like he'd heard anything important. Or anything he hadn't already known. Had he?

Draco opened his mouth, but Snape held up a finger, imploring him to wait. He did. For five minutes, neither spoke. And the door remained firmly closed.

At Snape's nod, Draco repeated, "I want out."

Snape studied him almost pityingly. The look irritated Draco, wriggled around under his skin like worming burrowing deeper. It was uncomfortable and painful. Though not nearly as bad as whatever spell it was that Potter had used on him. Had he imagined it, or had Potter been shocked at the results of the spell he'd cast?

"Her name is Lily?" Snape asked.

"She has her grandmother's hair, and she was born on Halloween," Draco said, watching the dark man curiously.

At his words, Snape's eyes closed, and he inhaled a shaky breath. Silence filled the room for several minutes as his professor seemed to collect himself, though Draco didn't completely understand the reaction. And he sensed asking would only earn him a sharp rebuke and a hasty exit. Neither of which would help him out of his current predicament.

"I can't get you out. Especially not now," Professor Snape finally said. Regret laced the words, though not near enough in Draco's opinion.

"Because of the Vow," he said ominously.

"Among other things," Professor Snape said coldly, "but if you truly love her, then I would be correct in believing that you will do anything to keep her safe."

"What does that mean?" Draco demanded hotly, irked to have his earlier confession used against him now. Hadn't Lily said he could trust Snape?

"Keeping Potter alive," Professor Snape clarified, adding, "and the best way to do that, is by keeping the Order informed about the Dark Lord's moves."

"You want me to become a spy," Draco whispered, terrified as he understood the direction Snape's thoughts had turned.

No. No. No. Please, let him be wrong. Draco had no desire to become a spy. He wasn't cut out for being deceptive. Trying was the quickest way to get him killed.

What had Snape said earlier? Actions. Was this his plan all along, or was he just capitalizing on the opportunity that Draco provided?

"I want you to replace me at the end of the year," Professor Snape said quietly, approaching Draco's bedside.

Snape was going to kill Dumbledor for Draco. No one would trust him after that. He'd have no way to protect Potter, and therefore Lily. But Draco could. Lily. Lupin and Tonks too. They were his in. Draco's warnings would still count.

And Snape would take on the despicable task of killing the headmaster for Draco. He owed the man for that. Was this the price? Was this the salvation he'd been hoping to find?

He hadn't expected strings. But perhaps he should have. Nothing came free in life. Not even redemption. Apparently, especially not it.

"I did warn you that atonement was required," Snape said smoothly, sensing Draco was close to caving.

His stomach churned. Much as it had when Katie Bell returned two weeks earlier from her stint in St. Mungo's that Draco was responsible for.

"I'll do it," he agreed hoarsely, praying he'd not regret the deal he'd just struck.

"Then for now, see about fixing that cabinet," Professor Snape instructed brusquely. "I spoke to the Dark Lord and got you an extension. You have until the end of June now. So long as it is done before the end of the school year, your mother will not be harmed - no matter if Bellatrix implies otherwise."

"But -"

"It's a delicate balance. You must keep both sides happy, regardless of the personal cost. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Draco said grudgingly.

Gratitude, fear, and despair all warred for dominance within him. The end of the war couldn't come soon enough. Hopefully he wouldn't screw things up too much to be there to see it for himself.

Draco was released from the hospital wing in the morning. He nearly skipped breakfast, but since it had been nearly a whole day since he last ate, he was too hungry to wait until lunch. When he entered the Great Hall, no one paid him any notice. He'd done such a good job isolating himself recently, that it was as though the other members of his house hardly even saw him, let alone expected him to interact with them.

In fact, the only noteworthy thing to happen was the way Potter stared speculatively at Snape throughout the entire meal. The professor did an admirable job of ignoring Potter, but there was no way he missed the piercing look directed at him.

Evidently Draco had mentioned something Potter didn't already know about. What other reason would Potter have for watching Snape so intently with that much open confusion? At least the other wizard was now more focused on Snape than he was Draco. The respite would help since he would have a bit of space now to get the cabinet fixed.

Luckily, he didn't have any classes with the Gryffindors that day, so he didn't have to worry about Potter cornering him to demand answers or have to endure similar stares to the ones the Chosen Git had given Snape.

He'd even had several uninterrupted hours to work on the cabinet after dinner since he wasn't bothering with homework anymore. Though he had to admit the only truly good part of his day was when he returned to his dorm just before bed.

A letter from Lily was waiting for him.

Draco,

Are you all right? Tonks told me what my dad did. Please write as soon as you can. I'm worried about you.

Yours,

Lily

Draco read the words again and again. She cared. This was proof. Proof that he'd done the right thing. Finally.

He hesitated to write his reply, worried it might fall into the wrong hands, but in the end decided to risk it. He was too impatient to wait to tell her.

Lily,

I'm fine. He found your letters, and we had a slight disagreement, that's all. I asked Snape for help. He's asked me to turn spy for the Order, and I've agreed. I promise I'm going to do right by you and be the better man you believe I can be.

Yours,

Draco

Barely a day passed before her reply arrived. Helios arrived during breakfast, and Draco noted how Potter watched the familiar golden-masked owl head straight for him, dropping off the letter before leaving. Their eyes locked across the Great Hall, but for once, Potter's face was a complete mask. Draco didn't have the slightest inkling as to what the other wizard was thinking.

Draco,

What? What does that mean? Do you understand how dangerous that is?

Yours,

Lily

The succinct note made him smile. She was worried about him.

It wasn't hard to come up with an equally succinct reply to send out that evening with his own owl.

Lily,

I'm doing it for you. I'd do anything to keep you safe.

Yours,

Draco

Draco,

My dad finally wrote, asking me to tell him everything. It's the first time he has since it happened. He wants to know all about us. Demanded to know, more like. I'm going to tell him - even though I'm still furious that he hurt you. I can't believe he used a spell like that! It's so unlike the man I sort of remember. Anyways, I wanted to give you a heads up first before I tell him.

Yours,

Lily

PS Studying for O.W.L.s is brutal. Remus has me on a ridiculous schedule, and I can't wait for it to be over next week!

Draco blinked and swallowed thickly. Potter was bound to confront him once he knew the whole truth. Though he'd thought Potter would before, at any point during the last month truthfully, but he hadn't. Instead, he seemed content to simply watch Draco silently. It was unnerving. Maybe that was the point.

Three days later, Draco stared in wonder at the Vanishing cabinet in the Room of Requirement. It couldn't be possible. There was no way that it was working.

Except it was.

And just like that, Draco found himself laughing. Relief and horror poured through him, coming out as twisted, maniacal hysteria.

It was really going to happen.