Cover art by Felixkohai.

Those Who Criticize The Memories

Part 1

I brought up my pen and looked over the contract.

"You can go ahead and sign up, it won't be bidding until I do the same too." Declared the girl sitting next to me at the outdoor dinner table.

She's likely telling the truth, but I know better than to drop my guard around this deer.

"Oh come-on deer, aren't we friends? Old pals? Chiefs of mischief you and I? Is it reeeeally necessary for me to sign a contract…? Here I'll pay you extra so we can skip on this headache…"

"No way, uh-uh. You're just going to forget everything as usual and then is going to be a drag to remind you— plus there's no way I can legally hold the word of a challenged individual against them in court." This rude savage said.

I love how innocently she sounds when she's likely the reason my head's a mess. Maybe I should remind her to pay me the monthly recovery bill.

And my memory is not that bad, I just tend to forget things I find irrelevant.

But I better just forget about it and submit to her demands so we can get going. Let's see here…

First Clause

By the binding power of the Geo Archon and this contract. In exchange for the sum of 40000000. I Yanfei, am to do everything in my power and under threshold of the Liyue law to help Simp Bad reach the shores of Inuzuma.

Part 2

My name is Simp Bad.

I'm a tall male in his early twenties with long blond hair tied in a ponytail. I wear a long red-wine haori with a black kimono underneath and dark green baggy pants. A blue scarf with white line tracings, some boots, gauntlets and I use my electro vision as a hair accessory on my golden ponytail.

I arrived at the land of Liyue a year ago with a friend of mine after we made a swift escape from our homeland.

This friend of mine rudely offended my honor and we got into a fight afterwards.

I just made us wanted criminals, which we halfway where already, that's no reason to threaten castration. And is not like his homeless bum lost anything.

Me on the other hand? I miss my kitten…. Hope he's holding up well in my absence….

"Hey, you're still here with me? Keep reading and make sure you understand everything before signing up. You're free to forget everything afterwards, don't worry, I'll be there to rub the contract right in your face and remind you." It appears I made the deer feel impatient.

So I decided to lend an eye to the second clause.

Clause 2

Any illicit action or violation of Liyue policies under any pretense and including 'especially' a disrespect of honor — will result in the immediate incarceration of Simp Bad.

I find it funny how there's no equity at all in that clause… Maybe I'm still on time to ditch this deer.

"Oh goodness, what beautiful day are we having today. Another one sunny day of me not remembering how I got here or what I was doing…. Oh deer, you where here all along? How kind of you to hang up with poor old me—"

"Oh is that so?" She cut me in the middle of my dialogue. "You forgot what we where doing just now? In that case then there's no point for me to be here— so I'll be taking this 'blank contract' with me and good luck getting anyone else to help 'you' out." She forgot to say in particular but I got her meaning.

Yes, very yes, I'm now starting to recall the reasons why I'm selling my soul today.

I'm not very liked around here. Not that I would remember the reasons why, I just know everyone and their cat hates me for some reason.

"Aaaahahahaha! Deer, I was joking you know? Just a little funsy to keep the good mood going."

"Oh, you want to hear a joke?" She said and I could see the malice in her teal eyes.

The girl returned to her seat and sat leaning forward with her big smiley face resting on her hands.

"Remember last month how a guy started a street fight and was exonerated from court because of crippling mental illness? Isn't it funny when the law works like that?"

"Cough, cough, coughum! Eehhh, I'm afraid that's not something very remarkable so I have a hard time remembering you know?" I sweated.

I really don't remember but I suspect who she's talking about.

"Oh, then how about the guy who made the news with a tax evasion scam but walked away from court by simply saying he had forgotten to file taxes."

"That sounds very harmless and I'm sure whoever it was, meant no harm at all." I said, but I still have no clue of ever doing something like that.

"I see, I have one more funny story that might jog your memory. How about the guy who picked a fight in the middle of a trade and resumed beating his trade partners even after a mediator was involved?"

"Aaaaahahaha! Good one! I can remember and that was hilarious!" I wheezed as realistically as archon knows.

"Yeah, very funny indeed. I remember the guy saying something to the lines of, 'I don't want a solution, I want to avenge my honor!' Then proceeded to violently make pulp of the rest of the merchants until the illustrious meditator decided to intervene." The deer said with a sneer.

Yeah, of course I would remember the day we met and she dropped a flaming anvil on my head. Completely ruined my beautiful hair that I thought I would have to shave it.

I later pressed charges for brain damage and won court, which earned me a fortune and this deer frenemy status.

The judge took pity on me for the brain damage I received and this deer now has a criminal record and is responsible for my well-being fines.

I just love Liyue excessive-force regulations.

The other stories sounds like her vain attempts to invite me to the slammer, but who knows, she could just be ranting about some troublemaker out there for all I know.

Thinking about this better, is she here to help me out or has she finally reached the boiling point where she can no longer stand the sight of me walking a free man and wants a reason to be around long enough to catch me?

Let's see those clauses carefully.

Clause 3

Yanfei reserves all rights to judge termination and fulfillment of this contract.

I wonder why she put this clause at number 3 rather than it being the last? Does she thinks I'm going to forget the first clauses or something? Silly deer.

Clause 4

Simp Bad pays for any fees and charges incurred for the duration of this contract including all of Yanfei legal fees.

Clause 5

Yanfei has the right to question Simp Bad for any of his actions and he must answer truthfully.

Clause 6

Yanfei has the right to conduct any criminal investigation on the individual Simp Bad for the duration of this contract.

Clause 7

This contract binding power begins immediate at Simp Bad signature and ends with either his satisfaction, his incarceration or Yanfei termination.

"Laying it a little thick there with your real intentions deer." I said and very offended.

"What unfounded accusations are you making, shamurai? I told you many times before why I had agreed to help you out. Or have you forgotten?"

"Sign, sign, sign, and sign here… There done. Let's get down to business."

I just realized a loophole where if I want to end the contract I just have to declare myself satisfied and I can easily get rid of her, in the meantime I can take advantage of her skills. Though I feel like I forgot all clauses from fifth and down.

"Hey you just dodged the question! But still, pay me first and let's get going. I have a flawless plan that will surely help you get back to Inuzuma!"

"Shot-gun then, whatever you have in mind works for me." I finished my Mora Meat and stood up, sticking my hands inside my haori sleeves.

She may come looking to throw away my key sometimes, but she's stuck out for me just as much in court when the capricious justice seems to favor me.

I feel at ease around her, so I looked at the clouds, yearning for what's to come.

It was early in the afternoon and the sky got cloudy like a storm was coming. My favorite. Today will be a long and fruitful day I just know it.

Part 3

"Fuck this dude and his honor!"

"Why don't you grab a sail and ride your 'honor' back to Inuzuma, asshole."

"I'm afraid that even if I don't have anything against this man, he's just a safety hazard and has been banned from these docks."

"If you think you can pay me to tolerate this dude then you better be Rex Lapiz!!"

"Yar goldy boy gar guts flaunting ya honor over these salt-water again eh. Prepare the plank dogs this goldfish going drowning!"

Some unsuccessful negotiations later.

"Why did you had to beat them up so much!!? I told you I was going to arrest you for this didn't I!!?" The deer was matching her hair color.

"I was at my limit after I left the first guys go, and besides, they where threatening me you know?" I had to ask as if I was talking to a mentally challenged kid.

"Yes I know what they where doing and I will defend you in court when the time comes…! But you're not supposed to go so far! We have regulations about excessive use of force around… here…." The deer suddenly got quiet.

Oh my, and right where I wanted her.

"What was that deer? I couldn't hear you? Are you perhaps finally admitting to have done something wrong, I presume?" I teased.

"Yes! What I did to you was wrong and I have apologized a thousand times already but your numb-skull just keeps forgetting every single time!!"

That's so rude of her, of course I haven't forgotten, I just never get tired of hearing her apologizing. After all, I only tend to forget irrelevant memories, far unlike hearing the deer apologizing for the umpteen time.

And besides, is her fault my memory is that bad right? I wasn't like that before, right?

I decided I was satisfied with the conversation and turned my back to leave, but I felt a firm grip land on my shoulder.

"And where exactly do you think you're going mister? If I had to admit I was wrong then so shall you!!"

"But what you did was horribly wrong and what I did was perfectly self-defense."

"Then what I did was simply save lives from a violent— j-just admit you're wrong already you stupid shamurai!"

"Never!! I'm a samurai and we can't help it."

"Being a samurai doesn't excuse you from all this violence! And what does being a samurai has to do with anything!?" She said and she pushed me.

Look who's talking about violence.

I just rested my hands inside my sleeves and thought deeply about my bushido code.

"'If they have the gall to piss me off— then that's just asking to get good!' That's SAMURAI law! You mess with our honor and we'll mess you up!" I enthusiastically exclaimed.

"That's not how a samurai should be at all!!" She said, but what would she know about being a samurai?

Seriously, what is this tribe enthusiast expecting of us samurai? We're nobility to boot, does she has any idea the disrespect it means just having to ask nicely to these commoners?

"Ugh! Forget it! And you're lucky the last guys where at fault or else I would've hand-cuffed you right there! But now thanks to you, nobody is going to lend us aid inside these docks unless we call in favors! Now come! We need fancier clothing cause this isn't over yet!!"

With stomp and hanger, the deer led the way to the textile store.

Mora, the common currency across the land of Teyvat. Imagine having no Mora.

I bought a black tuxedo for me and a gold dress for the deer. She was wearing princess gloves and a long lady Fedora that practically shadows her antlers.

We soon arrived at an establishment called the Liuli Pavillion.

I've come to dine here once before in the year I have stayed in Liyue, but just once thought. Is not the prices that are the problem, is the waiting list that stretches three months.

I just had no idea the place existed when I arrived and forgot my reservation the first time.

But I finally seated in last month. I was not expecting to see this place for the next half a year. The food is good, good enough for me to remember and that's saying something. The waiting line was also annoying enough to remember.

"And who are we coming to see here exactly?"

"A particular someone that manages real state in Liyue Harbor. She should know of a ship or two that may be willing to accommodate you for the right price. She said she had something to discuss with me— which I can already guess and intend to decline of course! But there's no reason why we shouldn't take advantage of her generosity for a favor or two."

My, said like a true savage my deer.

We soon arrived at the entrance to the Pavilion where a waitress by the name Licai was waiting.

"Welcome to the Liuli Pavilion! How many are there in your group? Do you have a reservation?" She asked us.

"One of us should already be inside, her name is Keqing. She gave me an invitation to a table of four here at the Pavillion." The deer said.

Licai started looking trough the reservation and looked up frowning.

"I'm afraid there aren't any invitations for a male partner. The group to accompany lady Keqing are Madame Ping and Assistant Yanfei."

"A-a-assistant Yanfei!!?" The deer looked like she was about to ram over the waitress.

I'll try to be a good friend and sneer loudly. "Pffffy!"

"T-that midget-workaholic-converted-atheist-fake-catgirl dared to sign me as her assistant before we even began negotiations!!? And how dare she invite granny!!? I thought I had a free seat for whoever I wanted to bring— the fact she listed granny means she thinks I have no one else to bring to these places!!"

She was furious like the day we met. I think I like this converted catgirl.

"Calm down Deer, I don't mind waiting outside."

"No!! That Rex Lapis fangirl has another thing coming if she thinks I'm going to sign in under the moniker of her assistant!!" She flat out refused my workaround.

I will remember this for when she inevitably whines about me defending my honor.

Part 4

In the end we left the Pavilion and quickly found ourselves a reliable dark alley.

Of course, the deer won't allow me to just sneak in as such is a criminal activity, so we're going with her plan instead.

According to her, there's a new guy filling in as re-emplacement for Licai and with night-fall, his shift should be about to start.

In the meantime, we just started arguing to kill time.

"I hate it!" I argued in my defense.

"Well then, why would you go fishing in the first place!? Of course you're gonna have to touch the fish at some point!"

"I'm nobility you peasant! Do you have any idea how hard that smell is for me to handle!?"

"Then why would you go fishing!? You should be ashamed of yourself! If people acted like you we wouldn't have any fish to eat! Think of how the sailors would feel if they where bothered by something so insignificant as fish smell!"

I thought of the stinky sailors like she asked and emptied my lunch on the wall of the alley. I swear I could smell the fish for a moment.

At least I have space reserved for the Pavillion now.

As I was recovering from the vidid images, we saw Licai walk by the alley and hugged the wall like no-good criminals.

Afterwards we snuck our heads sideways the wall and spotted the new guy by the door.

"Alright Simp, do as I told you and this plan should go on whiteout a hitch, and if it doesn't we can welcome a ban for life from the Pavilion." The deer gulped.

Is not like I eat here regularly but damn if don't want to try that Tianshu Meat some day again.

The deer and I held hands for the sake of the act and stride for the poor new guy.

"Greetings commoner!" She said as I instructed her nobility should act. "We would like a table for two now, hop hop little bunny."

"Ehm, yes miss Yanfei please a-allow me to check the reservations—"

"Miss Yanfei!!? How dare you assume my identity! I will have you fired for this insolence!"

"Ehh… wait but I know you, you're that legal advisor that's half adeptus. Miss Yanfei right? You helped my father out a tight spot when his boss wanted to use him as a scapegoat for money laundering. Don't you remember me…? I-I saw your name when I was looking trough the reservations before, you're listed as Assist—"

"How dare you insist on calling me names! I'm not this Yanfei whom you speak of!" She rejected.

I thought she would cash in on that favor she did to this boy family but she appears more interested in denying having come here under her name. And as an avid defender of my honor— I greatly encourage her decision, because I'll be able to hold this over her later.

"I'm not Yanfei! I'm a…. my name issss….! Miss La Venada!"

"Miss La Venada!?" The boy echoes.

"Miss La Venada Antlers D Deer for you! Now open the door for I have business to take care and time is Mora!" La Venada stomped her feet commandingly.

The kid looked up like he grew a spine and said.

"Very well. Miss La Venada Antlers D Deer, you're not on the list, so I'm sorry but I can't help you. However, there's a spot reserved for someone by the name of Assistant Yanfei, if you would be willing to 'impersonate' someone to get in." The boy replied with a done glare.

I guess he's not very fond of pranks, but at least he hasn't taken her off the reservation yet.

Now I wonder what La Venada would do about this situation?

Part 5

"Look, nobody is blaming you, I would've done the same. I'm just saying I should get a discount for prolonging the work hours I have to pay unnecessarily like that." I said as we felt the breeze of the docks.

"I'm nobody's assistant! Just you wait fake-cat-girl just you wait! Vengeance shall be mine!"

I hope she now sympathizes with me a little more. With her main backup plan out of the way, we decided to move onto newer horizons.

There's apparently this girl that had managed to escape from Inuzuma recently, and if someone got out then they might know of a way in.

We made our way trough the docks until we arrived before a girl with a bob cut. Besides how shaken she looks, she definitely had the appearance of someone from my homeland.

"Say Deer, what's this girl called again?"

"Huh…? I think her name is Asuko."

Asuko? Where have I heard that name before I wonder?

It was as I was racking my memories for the name that the girl saw us coming and addressed us.

"Y-you! You're dressed like someone from Inuzuma!" She told me.

I believe seeing me must've put her at ease.

We went on to question Asuko about her Odyssey. She was a little scared to recount her tale, but I feel she started to get better the more she let it all out of her chest.

"You want to find a way in!? Forget about it it's too dangerous!"

Asuko turned her back to us and pointed in the general direction of what I believe should be Inuzuma.

"Something went very wrong a year ago, and I'm not talking about just the vision hunt decree… A man… is all that man fault! It all started when that man challenged the Almighty Shogun to a duel—"

"Alright Asuko, thank you very much for your help and may you have a happy life here in Liyue but we have to get going—Ouch!!" I yelled when the deer grabbed me by the hair.

"Please, tell us more about this 'man' that ruined everything and maybe I can arrange for him to be arrested wherever he is." The deer reveals her true colors it would seem.

Asuko took a deep breath as she told.

"A year ago the land was plunged into chaos after a man challenged the Shogun to a duel before the throne… Rumors say he was a vision holder that felt the need to make a stand for the weak, but what happened that day was just so…" Asuko covered her trembling lips.

"Yes, tell me what happened that day, go on." Deery said.

The deer draws a pair of handcuffs from her pocket.

"He started acting creepy!! Like really creepy!! Scared the Almighty-out-of-the-Shogun creepy!" Asuko bursted out dramatically.

I tried to flee the scene, but the deer still had me by the ponytail.

"The Tenryou Commission assured us that the man in question held an insidious and dirty-cheat-like vision that allowed him to trick the Shogun and withstand the Musou no Hitotachi!"

I'm glad I never lost that memory, my Shogun face was priceless.

"Oh please, don't let me hand-cuffing my partner here stop you from elaborating. Go on." The deer was really out to bite a piece of the cake.

Asuko was happy to elaborate.

"He first came against Kujou Sara using some strange technique involving paper origami if I remember correctly…"

As Asuko fell into thoughts trying to remember, the deer turned my way.

"You, what did you said your vision did?" The deer asked me as she finished getting my hands cuffed behind my back.

I just stuck them inside my red sleeves as usual and whispered to her ear.

"My vision allows me to use Elemental Magnesis, the origami is just something I learned by expanding on my vision uses. I'll show you the trick later."

As I finished whispering to the deer ears, Asuko continued.

"The Paper Cut Samurai, is what everyone used to call him, so when Sara won and the Shogun stepped forth, nobody was expecting that man to withstand the divine punishment, but he did! And then he started whispering things to the Shogun ears as they locked swords…! The guards present that heard him said they will never allow their daughters to get married!"

Jeez, it was not so bad right? I was just trying to shake her up a bit so she wouldn't remember to shut off my vision….hold up, I can't remember what I said back then!

"It was horrible! Rumors said that the Shogun pupils where flashing as she cowered by a corner, and then the man started loosening his belt—"

"Aaaouch!" I felt the deer stepping on my foot with gusto.

But anyone would've done the same when faced with a goddess.

"It was a disaster, the Shogun lost control of her power and lightning rained everywhere! The Tenryou Commission finally decided to step forward and detain the man, but then some accomplice of his arrived and they managed to escape together…"

As Asuko rambles on, the deer grabbed me by the ear very painfully and whispered.

"You have a lot of explaining to do! You told me you won that duel fair and square and that's part of the reason I'm helping you out. You said you fought to disband the vision hunt decree and you defeated the Archon so what is it this girl rambling on about?" She asked as she twisted my poor ear.

With a deep breath I told her.

"Is not as simple as you think. I challenged the Shogun but the one who stepped forth was an old friend of mine named Kujou Sara, and my vision is an Electro vision granted to me by the very Shogun herself. Though I doubt she would know what skill took form when I began to use it, if I had shown my power in the fight with Sara, the Shogun would've just disable my vision afterwards. But I lost the duel as a result of holding back."

There's no way in abyss that I'm getting out of jail if the deer finds out what my real intentions where that day. So I told her an innocent lie to save my hide.

As the grip on my ear began to soften, Asuko looked at us and said weakly.

"The vision hunt decree worsened, the storms worsened, the isolation of Inuzuma worsened. The Shogun hid inside her palace hoping to outlive the mortal life of the man and hasn't come out since, leaving the Try-Commissions to manage everything, but they've been conducting the same laws the Shogun had set in place before she began seclusion… Inuzuma is just… no place to live…"

I could see a tear running down Asuko face. I never expected my selfishness to cause so much turmoil… I should've put an end to this when I could….

Bad memory go away now.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and told her.

"Rest at ease, I'll do something about our homeland, and a storm or two won't stop me. Inuzuma will go back to the way it was, peaceful again, you'll see."

She put a thin hand over mine by her shoulder. She grasped, but more tears began to streamline.

"You'll never make it to Inuzuma… About a week ago the Tenryou Commission hired a renowned hydromancer of advanced age to predict the future and help calm the Shogun worries. To help convince her that 'that' man would never return in his lifetime, and she was safe, but the prediction couldn't have gone worse… The old astrologer predicted that 'he who shall split the lightning,' has finished preparations for his return. The Shogun freaked out and a sealed god was unleashed to guard the seas of Inuzuma."

Asuko turned back from me and pointed at the surface of the dark waters under the moonlight.

"On top of the storm and the Try-Commissions, the God of Evolution, Mob Ivory now guards the waters of Inuzuma."

And the waters under the night sky never felt so eerie to me.

Part 6

A new day rises and shines. The deer and I where back to arguing over the outdoors dining table.

"You don't know anything of what you're talking about!" Deery said.

"Of course I know what I'm talking about. Just look at me, I couldn't be in better health if I wanted."

"Objection! There's a time of the day for each food and granny always says you shouldn't eat meat in the morning or else you'll get fat!"

"Your granny just doesn't wants to cook meat in the morning. I've been eating however I please my entire life and I couldn't be sexier if I tried. Those regiments are for the people who needs them, and I don't."

"Oh right…. I don't get fat either even when I don't follow her principles…. Guess I'll make that a new annotation for my Book of Appraisals. 'Diets and food regulations are for the people who needs them.'"

"Glad you see my point deer, though I think the next time we pick this topic we should be more quiet. Now let's stop arguing and get back to business. What's the plan for today?"

"He-he, yesterday we went looking at all the wrong places, but today we're going to be seeing people I'm actually aquatinted with, and I'm sure he'll be able to helps us out."

"Hmm, that's a good plan deer… We should have gone for that rather than just try the docks like no-Mora normal citizens…. I know some people who might be able to help me too besides you, so if nothing works we'll pay that guy a visit."

I dropped some mora on the counter and we stood up. So begins the wacky Liyue adventures of Simp and Deer. First stop was the Bubu Pharmacy.

I followed after my redhead lawyer when we arrived at the north of the Harbor. There after a long stretch of stairs— the kind that would make a fat panda cry, there was the renowned Bubu Pharmacy.

"He-llo Qiqi! Is doctor Baizhu in the house?" Deer said.

I wasn't expecting to have to visit here so soon, this is usually where I come to receive treatment for my poor memory. The doc hasn't been able to cure my affliction but he's helped me a great lot to cope with my constant memory loss…. But I guess he has lots of experience dealing with said memory loss.

"Baizhu…is…not…here." The little zombie said.

I stuck my hands on my sleeves and stepped for the counter.

"How's it going Qiqi." I saluted.

We usually play games to pass the time where we hide some of the docs paperwork and see who can remember where we hid it…. The doc wins the game every single time for some reason?

"Simp… all is a lie…. Cocogoat milk… was a lie." The poor thing said.

Cocogoat milk… yeah that doesn't ring a bell, but Qiqi is someone I get along and I have counter measures for situations like this.

I pointed at the little zombie before me with my left index and an diminutive origami man flew out of my sleeve.

"W-what!? What's that little guy that just came out of your sleeve?" With great interest the deer focused on the floating figure.

"Is my vision skill, I can push and pull anything that has some traces of elemental power so long as I have time to atune and sacrifice something of mine in return." I explained.

In my left index I save small traces of everyone I make notes and carry those around.

I grabbed the origami man and dismantled it to find a note and a lock of my golden hair inside, which some of it was beginning to disintegrate, but the note in this origami. So I held my finger again and a handful more origami men flew out of my kimono and haori.

"You, how many of those things are you carrying around? No wonder you hate to get wet." Rehead made a comment on my inventory.

I opened the origami men looking for the correct one and moving before I finally got what I was looking for. The note read.

Cocogoat milk. Remember the time you went all the way to Natianmen looking for the stupid goat? It was coconut milk what she meant. But don't let her know.

I see now, apparently I went through great lengths to get her that milk once, but I forgot that already so it was probably not so bad.

"Qiqi…"

"Simp…." Her eyes moistened.

I dropped to my knees and gave her hug in an attempt to comfort her. My honor will have a word or two with the despicable creature that shattered this poor child dreams!

Not having found the doc and unable to get much from Qiqi, the deer and I decided to leave for our next destination.

"I heard that little herb gatherer has written out a whole set of behavioral rules for herself. She might be small, but boy does she has her head screwed on! She's definitely destined for greatness…." I heard the deer said but.

What is this furry-less creature going on about? Qiqi's a zombie with even worse memory than myself which is why she needs those lists… Aren't adepti supposed to know this?

"'The young of today shall outperform us tomorrow' as they say. I must admit, she has my respect." And you lost mine.

Someone clearly forgot to pass this one her memo on what Qiqi is or how old she is…. But now that I think about…

"Hey deer, how old are you?

"Huh? You want to know my age? Sure can but you better remember to be careful when asking girls these kinds of questions. I'm merely 17 years old… What where you expecting me to be centuries old just because I'm an adeptus?"

"Oh really? How do I know you're not just lying to me then?"

"I'm the daughter of an illuminated beast and a human merchant. Which, if you remembered when I told you I was living with granny because my parents left to travel the world, you would know I can't be centuries old whiteout having outlived my mother time on this realm…. Heck the other day I was writing a letter for my birthday to a good friend of mine and I couldn't even tell her I was her senior because I wasn't sure if she was older than me or not." The revised minor said.

I see, in that case… "Hey deer."

"What?"

"Tell me what you know about this guy named Zhongli."

"Mr. Zhongli has so much in-depth knowledge on so many topics, he's like a walking library, you know what I mean? He's a total savant, though he never flaunts it. I could tell just by looking at him. People like him rarely shy away from taking on complex problems alone, so in my estimation he's certainly not a potential client. And yet, somehow, I can't help but think I know him from somewhere, it's hard to describe the feeling... I asked my father about it, and he just said something to the effect of he didn't know either, though he seemed a little evasive. It was so strange... Anyway, makes me feel he's hiding something from me. Hmph, alright then - if he won't tell me what's going on, I'll just have to find out for myself..."

I could inform her this Zhongli is literally the boss of the tribe but if they don't want to let her in on their secrets then who am I to ruin everything?

….Thinking about it better, if she's really as old as she looks then she must be like a newborn for the rest of the tribe… an obnoxious newborn that talks a lot… That would explain why she doesn't know about Qiqi or Morax identity, she wouldn't have been around enough to hang out with her boss or notice Qiqi can't grow old which is why she thinks the little zombie is just a child.

Nobody sees her as a proper adepti because of her age and likely don't trust her as one either.

How do 'I' know about Morax identity though? We're about to meet the guy who filled me in on all the details.

"Hey, what are we doing visiting the Northland Bank all of a sudden? Don't you know this is Fatui territory? I heard from granny and my friends at the office that they where behind the awakening of an ancient god that tried to destroy the harbor." The deer informed me of something I already know.

Hey hold on a minute.

"You heard from your grandma? Didn't all you savages fought together against that thing?"

"Eeeh…well…. I was born in a time of peace so I never really signed any contract with Rex Lapis to protect Liyue…. Not that I wouldn't have fought of course!! Is just that they simply didn't count on me and so nobody came to wake me up when the god was running rampant." She said.

Today I've seen a shyness in her I didn't know existed.

"Hold it! You slept trough that racket!?" I asked incredulously.

"W-what? I worked really hard that day and was too tired to notice anything of what was going on alright! I only woke up when I smelled the fried eggs granny was cooking in the morning— and listen to this Simp! She was bragging about how she used her full power to fight the Fatui and the ancient god like, pffft! Yeah right, I know granny can use adeptal powers better than my father but seeing her fighting? Hah!…. And she made me clean the dishes afterwards…. By the way, what where you doing when the Harbor needed a samurai powerful enough to contend with an Archon, where were you?"

"All my worries evaporate not five minutes after they're made so when I go to bed I've nothing on my mind and I always sleep like a baby." I proudly responded.

"Then you slept trough that racket too!!" She snapped at me.

Then she held her head in disdain and said.

"Yeah…. I guess we both slept trough duty right… how embarrassing…."

"Oh nope my deer, 'I'sleep trough duty, you simply where deemed 'deer weight' by your tribe and left sleeping cozily at home while even grandma had to fight god." I said to ensure she doesn't drags me down to her level in comparisons.

"Oh shut up you! You where as useless as me anyways and I don't have to take this from you… and if someone ask, we fought that big hydra thing and the Fatui too! You say I was there and I'll say the same about you and that way we can show our faces in public again, deal?"

"Deal deer. Just hold onto those bragging rights for after we leave this place."

The Northland Bank, an institution from Snezhnaya, and my bank of choice. After I arrived here I had to struggle in poverty and hoboness like a certain friend of mine, though that only lasted until I got my head bonked by the savage over here and she had to pay me for the damages.

After collecting my pay, I made way to this bank and met a woman by the name Signora who seemed to know very well who I was and what I had done back in my homeland. But today we're here to meet with another big shot Fatui.

The deer and I walked trough the door to find a room adorned in gold decor and shamrock carpets. We passed by some costumers talking nearby and headed for the reception desk.

"Master Simp, welcome to the Northland Bank, what can we do for you today?" Ekaterina, a girl by the reception desk welcomes us.

"Morning, is the ginger around?"

"Oh, lord Tartaglia… he's right behind you sir." She said timidly cocking to look behind me.

"Eeek! Don't just creep up on people like that you creep!" The deer cried before hiding behind me.

A ginger with a adjusted mask at the side of his head and big rascal smile was standing there with open arms.

"Hahahaha! Forgive my childish prank cutie gal but see, you two left me feeling a little transparent after we passed on the door and didn't even notice me."

Oh, he was one of those guys talking near the entrance. He then met eye to eye with me.

"But if it isn't Inuzuma public enemy number one!" He insulted me.

"Long week no see, Liyue public enemy number one!" So I insulted him back.

""Hahahahahaha!" We both laughed it off and shook hands.

"What brings you here? I thought you'd be on your way to your country by now, and you brought a lawyer too…. say will you be suing us today?"

"I'm having trouble getting back, so I've come to ask for help."

"We'll, you're out of luck, as of last week something seems to have frightened the Shogun and by her decree, the land of Inuzuma is officially close for any 'outsider' business." The man shook his head in disappointment.

"Yes, I've heard as much, but I know you Fatui have work-around for these kinds of scenarios, ami right?"

My suggestion seems to have made the man think of something funny, because he began having a fit of laughter.

"Ugh, this was the guy that tried to destroy the Harbor… I wish I could see him in court— I would throw his key farther than Rex Lapis could kick a spear!" Deery said.

It would seem she's uncomfortable hanging around Childe. Can't really blame her after everything that's happened this past month. I tried patting her head for emotional support and she slapped my hand away.

The man who's bent over laughing seemed to have recovered long enough to continue with our conversation.

"Uff Simp, you have no idea the fun I've had. Though I'm afraid even we Fatui can't get into Inuzuma at the moment. The Shogun unleashed a god that had been sealed for millennia and it has been making scraps of any ship trying to make their way…" Childe paused for a moment to hold back the urge to laugh.

He placed a hand on my shoulder and leaned against my ear whilst bitting his lips just to hold it in.

"That nasty Signora who got me caught in all this Rex Lapis mess, she had to head for Inuzuma to carry some 'diplomatic' affairs. But she ignored the warnings about the raging god out at sea and left with one of our best vessels… and she made it back to the harbor walking on thin ice with her hair a mess and her clothes all wet—Pffff-hua ha ha ha haaaaaaa!" Tartaglia bursted out laughing again.

I know the Signora, and the simple mention of that scenario is enough for me to imagine the colorful mice compendium that she spat at the poor soul who welcomed her back.

"'Filthy rats all of you!!'" Tartaglia impersonated. "'And my eyes are up here Childe!!' She screeched at me but I just couldn't help my eyes, she was soaking-wet in 'that' dress you know? You know the dress I'm talking about, right Simp?"

"Yeah, I can't believe she manages to freeze anything in that getup." I responded, wishing I'd been me instead of Childe who went to meet her.

I've nothing against the Signora, if anything I owe her a great lot, but that's just has to have been a sight to see.

"Anyways, she went like, 'grab boat and a crew and go hunt that oversized angry tuna right this instant Childe!!' And I said, 'lady you're not the boss of me.' You know a man has to get a back a laugh or two when someone uses them like pawns you know what I'm saying? Then she put a word with the Tsaritsa whose my real boss-lady and now I need to grab a boat and go fish some god in the stormy seas… You wanna tag along Simp?"

He said with a big bright smile like a child inviting a friend out to play, but the precarity of the game happens to be god slaying….

"When do we leave my best friend in the world!" I said as I rested a hand on his shoulder.

Friendship ended with poetry boy, comrade Tartaglia is now my best friend. And he rested a hand on mine shoulder too.

"Never stop getting stronger and…"

"Brave the lightning!"

""Aaaahahahahaha!"" We both began laughing like schoolgirls.

The reason I know so much about Liyue and it's habitants is because I like to drink with this guy.

One of our favorites hangouts is to just pick a compass direction, set off and drunken-fight our way back to sobriety somewhere-the-middle-of-nowhere. Then when we come back and merrily share a lighter drink at a dinner while he recounts the events he can remember because my memory capacity is nill when I'm drunk. Ahh, so many nights to remember.

"Are you two done being creepy yet?" Deer was tapping her sole impatiently.

"Ah, don't be like that cutie—

"And stop calling me cutie you Fatui jerk! I'll sue you!"

"Sue. Me. Baby!" Tartaglia responded her.

I get the feeling this guy is really popular with the poor and innocent girls who like bad boys and know no better.

"Alright Childe, enough teasing my deer. Let's see this ship you got and remember to drop me at Inuzuma as compensation."

Part 7

We came to the harbor in the dead of the night like Tartaglia asked, but this is starting to look a little fishy.

"Childe, what is the meaning of this?" I asked.

"I knew we shouldn't have trusted this jerk." The deer said besides.

Hold on a second.

"And you, why did you come here? I told to go home, I already got what I wanted."

"My contract stipulates that I must see you to the shores of Inuzuma and this, it isn't over until you disembark on your homeland." She said with a smug smile.

I've should've known better that this deer simply does as she pleases. I'll gift wrap her later and toss her in a barrel with the DK symbol or something. But now I've other matters to attend to.

"This isn't a Fatui ship, that's the Alcor— and why are you wearing a dress and hair extensions?" I asked.

Besides me, Childe was wearing long ginger hair extensions that cascade down his back whilst wearing a dress and what I assumed is heavy padding.

"How do I look, convincing enough or simply put dazzling? But please refer to me as la Ragazza from now on comrade Simp... See the issue is that while waiting for the Tsaritsas orders, la Signora grew impatient and sent a good deal of our vessels to fight the god of evolution, and now we're short on ships for the next month when the reinforcements would arrive. But worry not comrade, the captain of that vessel has a keen interest on slaying our common enemy and I've even arranged a financial incentive to get them working pronto." La Ragazza said.

"I guess Mora does moves the world. And the reason you're dressed like that is to avoid getting throw overboard right?"

"As sharp as usual my comrade. I've become quite unpopular amongst Liyurkers these past days, and wouldn't want to get on the captain bad side. Do you know what they call her?"

"The Uncrowned Lord of the Ocean, right?"

"Correct as always, now grab my arm comrade, as we say in Snezhnaya, 'the bigger the lie the farther it flies.'" La Ragazza extended her arm like we where boyfriend and girlfriend going out on a sea cruise.

I wonder if this fellow was counting on the fact this is a god-slaying voyage not a newly weds tour, but if I where in his position I would crossdress too.

"Hmmpt hmmpt hmmpt!" The angry deer grumped.

"Oh my, I didn't plan for a third wheel in our vacation plans, darling."

"I'm nobody's third wheel you crossdressing clown! And I'm sticking around until I'll see this other clown to his homeland!" Deer snapped at us.

"I already told your service's are no longer needed and sent you home before didn't I? We need to put on a little roleplay here if we want to work this out and can't have un-collaborative actors in this drama club. So if you want to stick around you can either play the sticky third wheel or the pet of the marriage. Pick you poison deer." I said and left with my newly wed.

"Ah comrade, you truly are the only one for me."

"But of course, is always comrades before deers."

La Ragazza and I shared a hearty laugh then headed for the Alcor. The flagship of the Cruz fleet.

There standing in the main deck and looking down on the guest passenger (us) about to arrive, was the captain of the Alcor.

"Ah, our esteemed guests finally arrive." The imposing voice of the captain was heard.

Beidou stood before the plank we'll be using to board the ship. And standing quietly by her side was—

"Oh deer." I suddenly felt my hands getting sweaty.

"Huh, did you called me?" The deer asked.

"Is something the matter darling?" La Ragazza asked next.

I tried covering my visage with my red haori sleeve, but it was too late.

"Well, well, well, what unpleasant wind has carried us to this meeting?" A friend of mine said.

The man I used to hang up back in my homeland and a friend whom I haven't been getting along lately. Kaedehara Kazuha.

"Hey there Kazu, long time no see am I right?" I greeted him as politely as I could, but I know he knows me well enough to send everything downhill from here.

"Is this a friend of yours Kazuha?" Beidou asked.

"Though I do call that man a friend, I would rather run my blade trough his privates than shake his hand." He responded.

And ouch my privates!

"Ehe! Kazu, I know we had our differences before but can we please put it all behind and work together again—"

"Beidou, this is the man I was telling you about. The one who lost the duel at the Shogun Throne and the reason the vision hunt decree still hasn't been abolished." My old friend told.

That dirty poetry lover always knows when to hit where it hurts.

"The man who lost the duel before the Throne… You have a lot of explaining to do boy. Now talk!" Beidou demanded with a hint of aggression.

But there's nothing I can say in my defense here. I'm not so unrepentant as to talk back here. And maybe was the silence what got my appointed defender to speak up in my behalf.

"Hey you, you got some nerve bullying your friend just because he lost a duel! I'd like to see you challenge the Shogun and walk out alive like he did!" The deer shouted.

And of all the times she could pick to defend my honor, this one….

"Lost a duel? Redhead, I can hear your conviction on the wind whistles, just as I can hear my old friend fear of revelation. Has he perhaps told you a lie or an incomplete version of the events that transpired that fateful day?"

The deer held slack-jawed as she looked over me, a hint of anxiety in her eyes. When Kazu began to tell her the truth of what happened.

"The man standing right next to you lost no duel, he threw it off for the sake of his own selfishness." Kazu revealed my most hated secret.

Of all the memories I've lost and I can't seem to escape the ones that hurt the most.

"He was once a good friend of mine. One day he asked me about a sword art which he had heard. The Musou no Hitotachi. I told him it can only be witnessed when divine punishment is administered. It is the pinnacle of the Raiden Shogun skill, a symbol of ultimate power." Kazu paused to look me in the eye.

"But he replied, 'there must be one who can withstand it. There always be those who dare to brave the Lightning's glow.'"

I guess no matter how bad your head can get, some memories just can't be forgotten.

"Then the vision hunt decree arrived. People's aspirations where striped away as the Raiden Shogun began to construct her ideal of eternity... While I was fleeing from place to place, I heard that my friend had challenged the vision hunters to a duel before the throne… A solemn yet brutal challenge, the defeated faced divine punishment, while the victors gain a second chance."

That day my challenge was for the vision hunt decree to be abolished.

"Perhaps he thought he of all people should make a stand."

But I lost sight of that goal.

"Coming face to face with the Musou no Hitotachi was all that he truly desired after all."

I could barely bear to look at the Kazu or the deer besides me.

When the duel where to be over with Sara, my wish wouldn't be granted, and then I would never get the chance to face the Musou no Hitotachi, or the Raiden Shogun in battle.

"When I arrived at tenshukaku the duel was already over, and I could hear it all in the wind. That my friend had… had our peoples hope whiting his grasp, but threw it all away for his own ambition. To have lost the formal duel on purpose before Kujou Sara just to face the Shogun, meant he no longer had the right to abolish the vision hunt decree even after he somehow managed to withstand the Shogun divine punishment." Kazu began to glare at me.

"The Tenryo commissions and the samurais present decided to intervene now that the formal duel was officially over, and we where forced to flee having accomplished nothing but fuel my friend ego." Kazu had told my entire story.

I could feel the looks on those present, how despicable I must've been to give up an opportunity like that for my own desire.

The captain of the Alcor said.

"Seems you have nothing to say in your defense…" She paused to gather her toughs then spoke with newfound decisiveness. " Your silence is enough for me to know you regret your actions, welcome aboard the Alcor, we need men like you in our let's say, rebellious party. Now come aboard and don't make me regret my choice."

I immediately rose my gaze to see the captain smiling, and Kazu sighed.

"I told you everything you need to know, if you still wish to entertain that fool then be my guest." Kazu fought the urge to hide his tiny but still visible smile.

And besides me the cheers erupted.

"Alright! Another case won by Liyue's number one legal adviser!" I feel I should tell her she's done practically nothing of what I paid her for, but she at least stood by me here.

"What joyful news comrad— I mean darling! Aren't you happy we can board the ship and your little hiccups 'didn't ruin the cruise for the rest of us!?'" I feel like this shitty trap is lecturing me when he has to crossdress just to get in, but I'll let it go.

Beidou spread her arms welcoming us and we began walking the plank to board the ship. It was then that we heard a little voice coming from behind Beidou and Kazu.

"I'm telling you Lumine, there's something juicy going on over here right now, I can practically taste it!" A floating creature said as she appeared from behind Beidou.

And with her a blond girl in a white attire, which froze upon the sight of us.

"Oh hey, is my favorite costumer! Long time no see." The deer seemed unconscious to the atmosphere.

But I could tell something was off, especially with my comrade/darling tightening grip on my arm.

La Ragazza looked like a dog had just bitten her ass. And then the flying creature opened her mouth.

"C-C-Childe!? What are you doing here and why are you wearing that funny costume…? Wait you're trying to sneak into Inuzuma with us aren't you!? But your poor role playing skills won't fool this Paimon!"

By my side, la Ragazza had started to drip my haori in sweat.

"Ehehehaha, Lumine cutie, long time no see—"

"Silence you Fatui scum." The blond girl immediately cut him off.

"Yeah, be quiet you Fatui! We know your only reason for wanting to go visit Inuzuma can't be nothing but to cause trouble!"

Oh boy aren't we in trouble now. La Ragazza tried her best to appeal his case.

"Lumine please listen to me, there's a good reason for—"

"You look like a clown in that getup. Did you really had to use the extra large pads or did you like it? Are you really dating that samurai guy or is he in on your convening scheming?" Lumine cut off la Ragazza.

Damn, is she his girlfriend or something? She sure has him on a tight leash. My comrade can't even get a sentence in edgewise.

"Don't think just because Paimon helped you with your brother that it means we'll help you sow chaos on another nation! Go back to your cold tundra land if you wanna cause trouble!"

"You thought that dress would look funny on you? What a clown, I bet you even put on the makeup." The savage blond girl said with scorn and dark glaring eyes.

Oh deer, seems like these two believe all Fatui activity is off to a no-good cause and seeing Childe here has triggered them off. This is really turning sour all of a sudden and we just managed to convince captain Beidou to let us board. I pocked at the side of the deer exposed belly.

"You know that girl right? This is what I pay you for so do something." I whispered.

The deer punched me on the side of the ribs and cleared her throat.

"Lumine wait! I can advocate for that guy I promise—"

"Yanfei, you hang out with the man who tried to destroy your homeland? Maybe I was wrong about you."

"Wait Lumine wait! You got it all wroooong!!!" The deer panicked.

Damn, what did this stupid trap did to make this tiny girl distrust him so much? Maybe is time I'll step up.

"Lumine right? I know what you think about my friend and is all likely true but please listen to me. My name is Simp—"

"His name is Simp Bad and if you're wondering, he's not much different that our seemingly crossdressing acquaintance." Kazu cut me off.

Damn you poetry lover! I know you're still sour but I thought you where on my side now!

But oh deer, this is bad, this is really bad. Now is not just me or Childe, even the deer looks like she's under strict judgment from the quartet overboard.

The captain grew a chilling grin as she was piercing Childe with a glare.

"That's the man who unleashed a god on the harbor? I'd say we let him board and use him as live bait for the one we'll be hunting next. But having revised my decision, I'll leave it to you two whether the other two can board or not." The captain passed on her responsibilities to the others.

"Lest the wind not carry on gas." Kazu called me a fart.

"Paimon thinks we shouldn't bring Childe groupies in case they backstab us!" Flying strange creature.

"I don't care about any of them." Lumine.

"Wait Lumine please! What do you mean you don't care about me!? Is me, Yanfei your bestie remember!?"

Despite the deer attempts to appeal her case, the blond girl remained as cold and savage as ever.

Childe or should I say, la Ragazza found himself put on the spot. On one side he was allowed to board, though he probably is setting himself up to have a rough time.

Nevertheless, he just shook his shoulders and continued climbing the plank aboard while me and the deer had no choice but to get back on the docks firm ground.

When Childe arrived at the end of plank, he was cut off by Lumine.

"Ahahaha Lumine cutie, I knew you had in you to forgive—"

"You really can't take a hint can't you? Then take a dive at least." The savage blond girl kicked the plank lightly.

With a comical FIUUUU sound la Ragazza and the plank took a dive on the cold waters of Liyue Habor nighttime.

Holy Baal! Tight, tight, tigh leash!

Part 8

After la Ragazza returned from the bad boy corner, soaking wet and under ruined makeup he said.

"Well comrade, that didn't necessarily went on as planned, but I won't hold it over you for your old pal drama alright?"

"Yeah, and I won't hold your girlfriend kicking us over either." I snarked back.

"Ahahaha, I don't think she would've like to heard you say that, better watch out if you ever come across her." Childe said as the padding felt off his chest with a splat.

I sighed, held my head and then looked back at him.

"So, what's the plan now?"

"Build a raft and set off trough the stormy seas in search of a god. The Tsaritsa plans must not be made to wait for anyone…. What's say you comrade? Care to accompany a pal in a epic and craze quest to complete our stemmed Tsaritsa orders?" Childe said with a grin of trepidation.

I can tell he's actually looking forward to this.

"That sounds a bit too suicidal for my taste, but I've done similar things before so I won't stop you. But me? I'll like to get to the other shore as safely as possible, the danger can begin afterwards. And two guys on a raft under the storm isn't really a sight to be looking for."

"Well, your lost if I'll get all the fun then." Childe placed a hand on my shoulder. "See you around my good comrade."

Childe bode me farewell and left in a messy dress trough the docks.

I glance over the moon light as the Alcor sailed farther and farther into the distant horizon.

"So, ready to try again?"

"Holy Baal!" That frightened me. "Deer, why are you still here? I told you I was satisfied with your service even if you practically did nothing, didn't I?"

"Objection! Clause three of our contract." She said as she unrolled a paper to shove in my face.

Yanfei reserves all rights to judge termination and fulfillment of this contract.

"Meaning you don't get to decide when you're satisfied with my services."

"That can't be legal." I rebutted.

"Oh but it is, once you sign the contract obviously. Now stop fussing about unnecessary things and let's set our meeting for tomorrow. You might not be very well received here and I don't think doctor Baizhu connections cover ranging gods routes, but I know a friend in Mondstadt that might be able to help us out…"

"Deer, you heard Kazu didn't you? I lied to you, remember? Everything that's going on at Inuzuma is my fault."

"Of course it isn't. It's the Raiden Shogun who started the vision hunt decree, not you. Even if you lost sight of your cause and ended up having the wrong reasons, you still made a stand against a deity and managed to walk out with your life. You are what those people need right now."

The rehead crossed her hands behind her back and started to circle around me.

"I haven't heard of any other samurai to challenge the Shogun like you did, so who's gonna have the right to judge you? And you clearly are trying to make amends for your lapse of good judgment ami right?"

Sometimes I tend to forget how long this girl has stuck up with me, despite my errors and misgivings. She always sees things for what they are, and always knows what to say. Maybe I really aren't as bad as I thought I was, if she's still hasn't given up on me.

"Your friend can only stay angry at you because you lived, and I'm sure whatever he says, he wouldn't want it any other way."

Of course I wouldn't be able to get rid of her so easily. Seriously what was I thinking, she hates losing arguments as much as she hates losing.

She finally stopped with a tap of her shoes before me and looked me in the eye with her usual smug grin.

"Isn't your memory the worse in all of Teyvat? Well lucky you, good memory is something I've in spades. Are you perhaps trying to make amends for your mistakes? Well I'm a lawyer, and my job is to get you out there so you can pay back to the community. Are you looking forward to a grand adventure filled with laughs and left turns? Well I've days off to spare and my policy is to be as free as can be— whiting compliance with the law of course!" She panicked there for a moment.

"Ahahahaha ohhhhhh deer!" And I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I looked over my left hand. A purple ring of elemental energy shone in my ring finger. The memento I got from my fight with the Shogun, still there, shining bright as ever.

I glance up to see the deer smiling under the moonlight, as she outstretched a hand to me.

"Simp Bad, allow me to tag along in your journey, as your friend, as your spare memory, and to make this one a tale even you would remember."