Right on Time. This Moment Was Preordained.
Part 1
The morning has come and I was accompanying the deer to her house.
Funny thing about her is that despite being as gold-coated as I am, she's not really old enough to be living independently and so she stays with a grandma I hear everyone calling Madame Ping.
I feel like she would've told me about this grandma many times over by this point since we've known each other's for nearly a year, though of course I can't remember anything.
So I dressed myself for the occasion and just in case, I've better start calling her by name for the time being.
"Hey deer, what you say your name was again?"
"You're telling me you fricking forgot my name!!?" She freaked.
I don't get what she was expecting though.
"Is Yanfei! My name is Yanfei! Now listen to me and listen good you numb-skull! Granny is currently my legal guardian and if you get on her bad side she's not going to allow me to come with you. So you need to keep your act together and be respectful you hear?"
"What do you think the fancy suit is for? Or all the hair gel."
We soon arrived at the Yujing Terrace. There, on a corner I could see an old lady with a grayish hair bun. She had a table set with a tea pot and some other utensils.
As we approach more and more, she seems to have noticed we where coming and turned to greet us.
"Oh child, you'd come back so soo— humpbctk!" The grandma choked on her words when she caught sight of me.
The suit might've been a bad idea or I wonder if we've known each other's already? I should've asked the deer first.
"Granny I'm back!" The deer said.
Though back where? Where's her home?
Madame Ping quickly recomposes herself and waved a hand at us.
"Ah child, slacking out of work I see… and you brought your forgetful friend with you. Has he forgotten where he lives again?" Madame Ping said.
But again? Has the deer brought me here before?
"Or did you whacked the memories out of his head again?" The grandma said.
What does she means again? How many times have I met this grandma and just how often am I at the mercy of this deer? I need to make some notes on this till I get to the bottom of it.
"Or is it he's drunk this time?"
"Alright deer!! How many times have I been here before!?" I snapped.
"About every week. I'm signed as your guardian since it was my fault you are the way you are today, so wherever you cause trouble I usually just pick you up and bring you here to sleep for the night and see you off in the morning." She replied hiding the hint of a sneer.
I guess she thinks is funny, and I will remember that this time…. I hope. The fu is déjà vu when you need it?
"I'm glad you find my crippling memory affliction so funny my deer." I smiled at her with a tint of passive aggressiveness.
"And I'm glad you take all my help for granted and find it irrelevant enough to forget. Aren't you the one who's always bragging how he only forgets the things that don't really matter? Isn't that right my ungrateful friend?" She gave a passive aggressive smile back.
Shish she's right! And I hate having to lose an argument to this deer!
The Madame who was overlooking us while we where arguing, gave a hearty chortle before addressing me.
"So child, I see you don't seem to remember me like usual but do make yourself at home, you practically live here anyways." She said, but make myself at home where?
This deer has way too much money to be living under a table, where's the house?
"So, what did you got yourself in this time that you needed the fancy suit?" Madame Ping asked me.
"Oh, I thought I should dress nicely since I'm here to take your granddaughter." I blurted.
Behind Madame Ping a teapot cracked loudly and a heavy-very oppressing atmosphere started to fuel the air.
The grandma took a strangely, earth-rumbling step my way.
"Wait! Hold it granny— this isn't what you think it is stop!" The deer got in between us. "Please excuse us a minute!" The deer dragged me away by the ear.
When we put some soundproof distance she whispered trough gritted teeth's.
"What do you even think you're saying when I told you to be careful!?"
"She said I could make myself at home and I assume we know each other's from what I gathered, so I just said the truth."
"That definitely wasn't the time or the place to say the truth!" Said like a true lawyer.
The deer glances back at the strangely-smiling grandma and then back to our conversation.
"The way you said that came out like you're here for completely the wrong reasons!"
"What do you mean the wrong reasons? I just want to go on a trip to Mondstadt and I need you with me because you know a captain over there."
"Yes, that's precisely how a normal conversation would go if you actually manage to live that long! With the way you said that and me bringing you here with the fancy suit now granny surely has the wrong idea about us!" Deery said.
But the wrong idea? Does she means like—ohhhhhh.
"That's just silly. We are simply friends." I stated the facts.
"Ouch my feel—I-a-I mean y-yes of course we are just friends you idiot!! And we're here to inform her I'm running away to another nation with you like the totes best friends we are!" The deer rolled her emerald eyes at me after recovering from a momentary panic.
Hmm…. Thinking this better she does have a point. If I've never had met this grandma before this would've been another very different story, but if the deer brings me here as frequently as she says…. that's just bringing a man home…. and if one day this man shows up in a fancy suit while saying stupid things in hopes to take the granddaughter away….
"Alright deer, I've seen the light." I said stealing a glance at the grandma before coming back to our conversation.
"But is alright, this situation can still be salvaged if we explain it convincingly enough. Say now, I've been here many times before right? What's your grandma opinion of me?"
Maybe I can take advantage of the familiarity to make this plan go smoother.
"She says you're a bad influence, an opportunist who can't even remember everything I've done for you and that I long paid you back for the damage and you had it coming anyways and that you'll be safer and better cared for behind bars than causing trouble for me every week."
I listened to the deer rant about how her grandma thinks I'm a bad influence and so forth. I feel like a bad boyfriend would've been spoken in better light.
"Alright deer, I heard enough. Time to have a chat with your grandma and this time with 'honor.'" I cracked my elderly kissing knuckles.
I'm about to have an honorable discussion with this deer grandmother. The deer cut me off my stride.
"Stay put you fool, she fought a god— she'll just squash you like a bug."
"Hey, I fought one too." I said.
"That was back when your head could still work. I bet right now you can't even remember how to wield that sword. I mean, I've never even seen you drawn it." The deer pointed at the old katana hanging from my waist.
It seems this girl thinks I'm some thug-level bug who somehow forgets how to carry on his own profession. What does she thinks I was going to do after I arrived at Inuzuma, become the poster boy of the resistance?
"You know what, fine deer let's just get this over with." I said and we both returned to see her grandma.
"Please excuse this fool granny, you know he's not right in the head… So how was your day today granny?" The deer asked.
It seems she's trying to reset the mood back to when we arrived. On the enemy side I could see her grandmother still hasn't let go of the oppressive aura.
Seems like she's not going to relax until she knows why we're here.
"Cut the pleasantries child, why have you brought your friend here today?" I think impatience runs in the family.
Though I think this grandma isn't her real grandma? The deer wiped the sweat off her forehead and pulled down her silly hat a little.
"A-about that granny…. I have a job to take care of and I was looking to let you know I'm going to be—"
"So you came here to ask for 'my permission,' right child?" The grandma cut-to-put words on the deer mouth.
"Yessss, your permission is what I came here for granny…. Ehhh… well you see… my friend here needs me to go with him to Monstdath so I can introduce him to a friend of mine sooo… can I go pleaseeee!" The deer pleaded with starry eyes.
She's really good a feigning weakness when she wants. My drama club pres would've been proud.
"No, you may not go with this boy."
"W-why!!?"
"Because your father left you in my care and I'm not going to risk you traveling to another nation with the boy who gets into fights on the regular."
It would seem the grandma has no intention to listen to the deer. Maybe is time I'll step up.
"Listen to me grandma—"
"Whose your grandma? I've no relationship with you boy." She grunted and scoffed.
"Alright hag, I paid your granddaughter here a hefty sum in exchange for her help and we even made a contract. Now, you adepti won't want to get in the way of a fellow kin working to fulfill their contracts, right?"
"That flat-footed child is only half adepti and I'm sure she can find a way to satisfy her terms whiteout having to go with you." The grandma said.
Maybe is about time I'd let the honor do the talking.
"Don't worry granny, I promise if you leave her to me I'll protect your granddaughter with my life!" I professed.
Besides me the deer began to color red and so was the grandma.
"Is alright, I'll never betray her trust or do anything to hurt her. I'll be gentle."
"Hold! Hold it—hold! Please don't kill him granny hold!" The deer had to step between us.
The air is starting to feel murderous around here.
"And you stupid fool! Stop clowning around and work with me here!" Deery snapped right in my ear.
I shoved her face away. My honor ain't having none of it.
"But dear, how are we—" The deer kicked me. "—going to be able to sleep together—" I got kicked again when I only meant camping. "—whiteout your grandmother consent? We need to come out and say it to her so she would accept our relationship." As man and deer.
What followed was a furious array of kicks to my shin and tights which are sure to be a sore tomorrow morning, but my honor says it's fine like the sunshine.
In the other corner the grandma extended a hand at me.
"My boy, you grown so bold and handsome these days. Come here, let granny feel your facial features and grant you her blessing."
A loud like thunder crack came when the grandma rattles her fingers.
I get the feeling I'm going to lose face if I come closer, so I took a step behind my deer-shield.
Just as the grandma was amicably trying to rip my face off and I was honorably hiding behind her granddaughter, the person between us seemed to have lost it at long last.
"Granny, remember that jackpot you won last week at the Golden Egg Pachinko?" Severely calm girl said.
On the other side of us the grandma seemed to have opened her a eyes an inch too much.
"Have you forgotten to file the appropriate taxes for that revenue?"
"N-no of course I remember! Just because I look old it doesn't means the years have gotten the best of me—"
"I think they do have, because I remember having to cleverly shoo Miss Ganyu away when she came asking where the money had went. And I also seem to recall you stinking of adepti energy when you arrived home with the check."
The Madame took a step back and the deer one forward to face her granny.
"Granny, I'm going to be visiting Monstdath with my friend here and I wanted to let you know I was leaving. Or maybe I can stay here and help Miss Ganyu catch some criminal masterminds that operate in the Pachinko Parlor."
With that and whiteout waiting to hear a word edgewise, the deer turned her back on her grandma and passed right by me as she began to leave.
I took a few steps forward and rolled my eyes up along the shittiest grin I could muster.
"Your granddaughter calls me grandma now." And I left too.
True be told she calls me numb-skull or shamurai and that felt a little weird just now but my honor approves. I adjusted my formal suit and turned to follow after my deer.
Behind we left the ever glaring Madame Ping. Here's to hoping she gets the memo like a good citizen of the advanced age and leaves us alone.
The deer seemed a little bothered that she had to threaten her grandmother to come with me… I guess I'll let her chose what we'll have for dinner today when we're out in the wild, that should make her happy.
We kept going and going until we started to reach the north borders of the harbor when a deafening shout caught our ears.
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXX LAAAAAPIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!"
I wonder whose the devout believer whose calling their god straight-way to Celestía? It kind of sounded like the grandma.
I hope whoever it was didn't scare their god or something with that abrupt call.
Part 2
I felt groggy and sleepy, somehow my back hurt a little. I opened my eyes to find myself resting against a tree.
How did I got here?
Is a question I have to ask myself everyday. To the matter of the wilderness, I seen to have fallen asleep while resting against a tree.
The wilderness. I left with the deer to reach Monstdath and speak with a friend of hers. That must be the reason why I find myself here.
But where has that girl gone to now?
Looking around I can see a river to my left with a large set of old stone stairs. To my right some boulders stopping me from seeing more than a few meters ahead. There's quite a good number of trees around here and the grass seems green and lively but I don't think this place qualifies as a forest.
Of course, the biggest clue that someone was here before is the floating pot right before me which seems to be heating water.
I believe that's an adepti contraction that's used to cook food on the spot. Definitely something the deer could have used. Besides the pot I could see a red and black kerchief covering a container in the grass nearby, which upon closer inspection revealed to have held tofu.
Gathering all the evidence I've reached the conclusion that me and the deer decided to camp here, and she left to gather some ingredients while I simply fell asleep and forgot how I got here.
The good thing about memory loss is that it has no consequences with your wisdom. An effect of my memory loss that doc Baizhu found peculiar, is that no matter how hard we try, once I lose a memory it is gone forever.
Something he compared to Qiqi who can faintly recall somethings from time to time, even when it was a millennia ago, but I can't. Usually rather than frying my brain trying to remember, it is easier for me to find a pattern with what I can remember and then put it all together to find how I got there or what I was doing.
The doc wrote some notes about it, but I believe that's about the time he started to give up on finding a cure for my issue.
Nevertheless, I'm hungry and that deer isn't here! Forget it I'll just grab a fruit to eat or….?
As I stood up I found myself trapped in a dirt-drawn circle. And little past that circle there was a message drawn on the dirt that read.
"'Don't leave that circle. You'll forget your way back.'" Who I assume the deer had wrote.
I'm going to have a few words with that girl later and ask her what she thinks of me. Do I look like a child who'd get lost and cry the moment he's left alone?
I drew a second circle—then a long pole in between each and left for the stairs to the ruins on my left.
I just won't stray too far and everything will be perfectly fine. I'm just gonna climb up the stairs and then I just need to remember to climb then back. What's the worse that could happen?
Five minutes later.
"Rrrpeeaaairrrr!" A ruin guard roared.
Turns out up the stairs was a strange pond of water and around it where three ruin guards whom likely don't want to welcome me here. Though I find it strange that they where attacking the pond when I got here.
Now one is spinning my way, another one just bent the knee and turned his torso a full 180 degrees and the other one looks like he wants to clap me.
Let's see if the theory the deer had about me forgetting how to fight holds true.
I took my hands out of my sleeves and with the tip of my finger I fired a little spark of lightning that bounced out of each ruin guardian.
Their trajectories started to change and one clapped the other while this other bombarded the third with some strange projectiles and the third spin-mashed the clapper one. Making scraps of one another the ruin guardians all exploded.
Elemental Magnesis which is the power of my vision, is mainly the skill to decide where your foes strikes shall end, is how I managed to counter the Musou no Hitotachi by focusing all strikes on my blade.
Maybe the deer was right though, and I've gotten so powerful that I did in fact forget how to wield my sword already.
I walked pass the guardians scraps hoping to find something good for my empty stomach, there has to be some fruit around here at least.
It was as I started circling the pond of water that a light emerged from inside of it. This light shone brighter and brighter until at the center of the pond someone was standing on water, and what someone.
A beautiful girl of exuberant curves and proportions. Dark hair, a mage hat and a colorful but mostly blue unitard.
This girl looks like a majestic-but soaked wet magician as she came dancing out of the water.
"Right on time. This moment has been preordained by the stars." The girl said with an air of great importance and a slight glance at me.
"Was getting attacked by ruin guards, also preordained by the stars?"
"Eeeekblugurlurglurrg!" The girl forgot you shouldn't breath underwater.
My question made her loose control of her power and she sunk back down the pond.
It wasn't my intention to be rude, is just I strangely didn't forget the ruin guards where attacking the pond when I arrived here.
I waited for her to drag herself out of the water and stand on solid ground. She gave a swipe of her twintails and addressed me with great indifference.
"As it so happens, yes it was. Everything that is and will, has already been written on the stars." She said with an air of constellations.
Now I'm no expert on astrology or any of their business, but if I got caught in a trap when I could see the future then I'd have to be really bad at my job. Better I just get what I want and walk away from this one.
"Well I hope the next time the stars hand you a warning you listen to them, as for me… I'm hungry so if I could have your lunch I'll consider myself paid." I said.
The fortune teller seemed to be taken aback by my demand.
"Hey, why are you looking so confused? Even if you knew what was coming that doesn't change the fact I just saved your life and I'm not running a white knight charity around here. My motto is 'Interest goes a long way' not 'Kindness goes a long way.' And I'm a firm believer of making the world a better place—for me of course." I read the astrologer my life codes.
She seemed taken even more aback, now showing clear disgust before her intrepid savior.
"But I'm not going to hold this too big over you, just let me have your lunch and I'll—"
The magician stomach made a loud grrrrrrrruuuu sound.
I stuck my hands inside my sleeves and silently fled the scene.
"Hey hold on just a second!" The magician soon caught up to me an cut in my way.
This fellow just screams trouble I just know it and I'm already lost enough by myself to be taking care of ungrateful others.
"What do you want now hatty?" I asked.
"For once I want to see you show some respect and dignity as I have come here from a land far away just to meet with you."
Oh, is she here to offer valuable wisdom on my journey? Now that I think about it, that's usually how these fortune telling encounters go with some weird to decipher wisdom which later on ends saving the day.
"And I will settle for the small sum of your-whole-wallet in exchange for letting you keep your dirty secrets." She threatened.
Oh deer, it wasn't wisdom she came offering it was just a bizarre new form of mugging.
"Deeeerrr!! Yo deeeeeeeeer!! Help I'm getting bullied!! DEEEEERRR!!!" I began calling my lawyer.
"Wait you— shut up! Stop screaming for help aren't you a man?" The panicky mug-magician remarked.
"What does being a man has anything to do with siccing deers on my enemies? Deeeeeeer!! I'm about to lose my lunch moneeeeeeyyyy!!!"
I might be very well verse at wielding my honor all over my enemies sorry faces, but sometimes comes the occasional tongue-fighter which are what I pay the deer for, she always sends them packing with their tails between their legs. Pretty useful company for a man who tends to forget the messes he gets about halfway in and then can't get out later.
"Simp!! Where are you!!? Hold on I'm coming!!" I heard a voice in the distance.
"Well hatty, your days a fortune mugger are numbered. My deer will see your sorry leotard ass in jail faster that you can say—"
"Is that your friend who would rather visit you in jail than allow you to cause mischief? Sure why don't we wait for her here and we can all have a long conversation about your dirty secrets. Ami right, Innamorato?"
"Here's my wallet, my Mora card and all checks in blank!!" I shoved my valuables in her arms and shooed her away before the deer comes and I'd get sent straight to jail.
"See? Now that's the kind of good attitude I was looking for." The mugger left with a happy skip to her feet as she counted my Mora.
I watched her leaving not a second too sooner before the deer arrived from the other direction.
"I'm here! Huff, wait let me catch my breath a little… huff… are you alright!? What happened!?"
"A bandit mugged me."
"What!!? Where is he— I'll prosecute him so hard he won't know what hit him!!" It would seem the deer was raring to go.
But I stopped her from launching off into the wilderness. There's simply no need for that.
"Just grab your adepti cooking pot and ingredients. There'll be no problem once we get out of this dangerous area." I simply said.
"What but… you just lost all your Mora… don't you want to get it back?" She asked with genuine concern for my financial well-being.
I simply pointed past the trees. A floating green wallet was slowly making it's way back to me.
I pulled on my haori left sleeve until the flying wallet disappeared inside of it.
If something doesn't has any elemental energy for me to control, I'm am electro and I can just charge items with my own energy to be able to pull and push them around.
Bet cha that mugger didn't see this one coming.
Part 3
We decided to trek a little far north to avoid another encounter with opportunistic bandits.
According to the deer, the place we found ourselves at was known as the Guili Plains.
From our seat near the shore of the river we could see the Wangshu Inn, where deery says would be the first stop on our travels.
A soft bed and a warm meal might be whiting sight of us, but currently we find ourselves trying to cook something, or better said the deer is trying to cook something. I'm just rushing her up cause I'm hungry.
"Dinner, lunch, breakfast and meal! Dinner, lunch, breakfast and meal!" I sang enthusiastically with fork and knife in hand.
"Almost there, just wait a minute… and you got that order wrong." She had the audacity to rectify me after we just had an argument about meal courses this morning, but I'll let it go for the sake of my interest.
"Aha! Found it! Sorry little gal but you're on today's menu!" The deer had taken off her boots and was knee deep on the shores of the river when she pulled a crab out the—
"GYAAAAAA!!! It's a fucking crab!!!" I ran up the nearest three like a cat whose seem a dog.
The deer gave me an insolent look of pity as I was hiding up the tree.
"You… I knew you weren't going to be cooking because you're afraid of fire, but now you're going to tell me you fear these little guys too?" She said as she held the demonic creature up the tree.
"THROW THAT SHIT!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT NIGHTMARE FUEL CREATURE!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
What would that stupid and sheltered deer know about traumas? My training dojo sat near the beach and was practically a hive for crabs, there's literally a hole dug for every step you take in our terrace.
I would wake up to feel the creatures walking all over my body and even close a door to find one sticking by it just whiting my face height.
And I once tripped when I was a child and head-butted a boiling cauldron. I know what fire feels like, and I know what a crab creeping over your restless body like a paralysis demon feels like.
With a sigh and probably a rude new opinion of me, the deer flung the crab into the air and back in the water. I hope it comes back to bite her later.
She rested her hands on her hips like the bossy deer she is and asked me.
"If I can't use crabs what are we even going to be eating? I can't prep my specialty like this." She said.
"Well why don't you just make something else then?"
"Something else? Alright but can it have tofu?"
Yack, tofu." By the abyss no."
"Alright you chicken picky eater. What would you like to eat today?" She asked me now tapping her foot under water with a hands on hips pose.
What would I like to eat? Why that's simple.
"I want some Cold Cut Platter with lots of meat please!" Finally this meal seems to be going somewhere.
"Cold Cut Platter then? Well in that case we will be having anything but Cold Cut Platter!! And I want tofu!" This girl can really get defiant when she wants.
"In blazes we're eating tofu after this long ass day!" I launched myself off the tree like a flying squirrel.
I'll grab that deer and soak her on the shore until she capitulates and makes my meal.
Almost as if reading my intentions, the deer quickly dipped her hands under water and pulled up a six legged nightma—
"GYAAAAAAAAA!" I stopped falling midair and flew back to the tree.
"Wait what!!? You can fly!!?" That bully of a savage asked after she took advantage of my fears like that.
Technically I can't fly, is just my clothes hold over a hundred origami dolls which each I can make to float on their own. So in a way, I do can fly, but because my power consumes parts of me to work, using so many dolls costs too much hair and I'm not looking forward to baldness.
"H-hey Simp are you alright…? I'm sorry for scaring you like that, come on down I just got rid of that crab for good." The deer assured me.
"You meant that… then, are we going to have Cold Cut Platter?" I hope.
"Like abyss we are! I said we are having tofu and so long as I cook around here my word is law!!" This tyrant replied.
"Is about time I'll show you your place in the food chain, deer!!" I replicated my flying squirrel jump off the tree and this time I landed safely.
The waters of the shore gave way to my landing as the splash bared the sand before the water came reaching back to my shins.
The deer took on a martial arts stance before me. I returned the gesture and said to her.
"Tonight you're gonna be thought a valuable lesson about cooking a samurai his food when he asks for it!"
"Hah! You think I'm going to lose to some bird-brain shamurai? I have a self-defense method that I call, 'Wrath of the Flame,' which is based on a punishment called the 'Wrath of the Rock,' which is detailed in the ancient work 'The Comprehensive Compendium to Liyue Law.' The Lord of Geo is the God of Contracts, and contracts, too, can be seen as a way of restraining people. Haha, ergo, Liyue Harbor has been the city of contracts since time immemo—"
Fifteen seconds later.
"Kyaaa!" The deer cried as her bum hits the shallow waters with a splash.
"Your bottom of the food chain tail though a self-though martial art was gonna help you beat a samurai who lives for the very art? You know what, you go back to that pot and make me dinner and I'll forget your silly conduct tonight deer." I magnanimously said.
The deer got up rubbing her silly bum and whispering.
"I'm going to make it a Cold Cut Platter Tofu."
"What was that deer?"
"Nothing jerk!"
And so we finally had a meal, and later I ended up chasing the deer all over the Guili Plains.
Part 4
Finally our travels have taken us to our first destination, the Wangshu Inn. To say we barely don't make it here today wouldn't be a stretch.
The deer and I took the elevator to the reception near the top of the building. There we met with a receptionist called Verr Goldet. Her cat was lovely.
We ordered two rooms and then the deer passed by the kitchen where she ordered an Almond Tofu to take with her to her room. I followed her example and got some Matsutake Meat Rolls.
Afterwards I finally found some peace in the tranquility of my room. I removed my red haori and loosened my kimono. The bed and the pillow did the rest…..
………
My body felt cold, I think I might've forgotten to close the window. Better get up and….!?
Feeling exhausted I only decided to open my eyelids a little, and soon I caught sight of a masked man standing in my room. More so unnerving even, there was a large reptilian creature sticking it's snout inside my window.
This must be one of those nightmares I keep hearing about.
According to the deer, nightmares are pretty hard to recall even by normal people so my chances of remembering anything of this will be nill.
In that case I'll just ignore them and go back to sleep.
I readjusted my sleeping position on the bed and went back to sleep.
……
A new day rises.
Yesterday was pretty long and exhausting so the deer and I agreed to take it easy and continue our travels at noon. According to her, our next stops are the Stone Gate, Dawn Winery and later Springvale.
Currently we find ourselves enjoying some Yuenyu Chilly Chicken for breakfast.
As for how we intend to spend our time till the noon well…. Let's say the deer intruded inside my room and she's now vehemently pleading with me as she sits on top of my bed.
"Come-on! Just a little bit, I'll go easy on you I promise." The deer assured me.
"No way, you always go too far when we do this and then I'm left feeling exhausted afterwards." I refused her little games.
I want a quiet and relaxing morning, ain't have time to please this deer right now.
"Aw but is just so boring to wait whiteout doing anything…. Wait how about this, which one do you think is bigger? The peak on the left or the peak on the right?" She asked
"I believe both are equally small and I've no interest in arguing."
This deer thinks she's clever but I know her very well despite my flimsy memory, and she's not really interested in my opinion so much as she wants to argue with me opinion.
I'm sure the moment I pick a side she'll default to the offer and then there'll be no shutting her up for the rest of the day. Just watch.
"I do believe the Quingyun Peak is bigger because of pure volume."
"Objection! Haha! I knew you couldn't resist a good argument once you see one. See as I'm about to demonstrate, you're totally wrong because the Cuijue Slope is….." She began rambling.
See what I mean? She asks for your opinion and the moment you give it to her— Archon damn it all! I fell for her trap and began the argument! Now I'm sure we're gonna be talking about mountains for the rest of the day!
I covered my head with the pillow in an attempt to block the noise, and she began fighting to pry the pillow away from me.
It was then that she caught sight of a picture I was carrying around.
"Huh, what's this?" She asked as she took hold of an old portrait I had paid an artist to draw when I first arrived in Liyue.
The artist followed my instructions to the letter, so much so that this might've very well been drawn with the real thing as a model. I glanced over it in reminisce and told the deer.
"That's the Almighty Raiden Shogun of Inuzuma. The great and beautiful Electro Archon Baal." I told her.
Mightiest warrior on the land and prettiest too. Just thinking of her made the elemental ring on my finger ache. Oh how someone so perfect and powerful could exist in this world—
"Is this her… is that it? She doesn't looks like she's anything special and that hair looks stupid." The deer shoved the portrait aside like it was unwanted mail.
She looked like she almost wanted to spit at the portrait when she flung it away like it where trash, but me on the other hand? I was at the reject humanity phase— return to volcano devolution.
"Maybe it really is about time you learn your place in the food chain dee—Ouch!!" I cried in pain.
Perhaps I underestimated how much this savage was looking forward to fighting me, because with no previous warning or call she rammed her head against my stomach like the violent deer she is!
"What you wanna go!!? Come at me bro!!" The deer challenged.
And I took her up on that offer. She'll pay for insulting my goddess!
We began avidly fighting on top of the bed, causing a ruckus and making noise which might have been what caused two strangers to knock down my door.
"What's going on…..?!" The stranger froze.
A young man with black hair and tinges of jade had entered my room, accompanied by a taller gentleman of brown hair and golden pupils, whom I know from Liyue.
They froze at the sight of me pinning this troublesome girl on my bed. If anything I immediately said in my defense, that she started it and I quickly covered her mouth before she could respond.
A few minutes later and a little explanation.
The deer and I sat on the bed while the intruders took the available chairs.
"Lord Zhongli, to what do we owe the honor?" I said.
I've heard who this guy is from Childe and seeing him here can't be good. Don't know who this other one is though.
"Ah, you have my greetings, samurai from Inuzuma, and legal adviser Yanfei." Zhongli bid us a formal greeting to start the conversation. "The reason I've come—"
"She literally tried to kill you! Idiot! How much of a simp can you be!?" The deer cut Zhongli.
I get the feeling this antlers equipped creature doesn't realize to whom she had interrupted just now. And we should totally listen to what this VIP has to say, but hold on a second cause I won't stand for this slander.
"I'm no simp, that simply is my name. And my goddess has all the right to execute me after I lost the duel and dared to challenge her decree."
"You two, there's something of utmost importance I've to talk with you—"
"A decree that's unjust and proof she's not fit to rule over anybody! How much grief do you think her inconsiderate decisions have brought your people this past year that you haven't been there to see? You sure won't see this kind of novice mistake happening with the Lord of Geo!" This girl cut off her Lord of Geo again.
And for as much as I want to just ask the Lord of Geo to strike her down, I might just have to do it myself.
"Oh really deer, you think your Lord of Geo is all that? What if I told you it was your lord whom schemed for that big scary god to run rampant through your precious city." I decided to forget about present company for the sake of arguing with this deer.
Zhongli was starting to look a bit troubled by my accusations.
"Yeah so what if he did? I heard it all from granny and he meant to defend us if things had truly gotten out of control for us adepti and the Quinxing! He never lets us down unlike some other Archon some simp I would know worships! Did you know the Gunyun Stone Forest where literally island sized stone spears Rex Lapiz flung against Osial? I totally bet if things had gotten out of control he could've done it again!"
"May I have your attention for a moment!" A commanding voice was heard coming from Zhongli.
And we ignored it.
"Island sized spears? Ridiculous! Whose your god some giant chunky toad Neptune or something?" I teased.
"What kind of creature do you think Rex Lapis is!!? And your Archon is just a hikkimory who wants to lock down her entire nation!"
The deer lost her shit and rammed her head at me again. Fricking Pyros and their low tempers!
"That's enough!" The young man with the jade hair commanded.
For some reason I felt more compelled to listen to him than the very Archon. Don't know why but wherever I've met with this Zhongli before he always reeks of Kazu.
After we managed to calm down from our arguments, Zhongli was finally able to inform us of the reason for his visit.
"Granny sent you here!?" The deer freaked.
The sole mention of the grandma sent Zhongli into a wide-eyed stare into the void. Like he had seen some shit.
"Madame Ping came to me yesterday morning that she was…. tremendously preoccupied for your safety… tremendously preoccupied that she barged into my office and demanded I take my days off."
Yeah, Zhongli is making that 'I've seen some shit' face again.
"Aw granny, that's so sweet… no wait a second! Mister Zhongli I'm so sorry for that idiot misconduct, I-a… I promise to scold her when I'll get back! But as you can see I'm fine traveling with my friend here." The deer said and I nodded in response.
"Doing so fine we had to pry him off you when we arrive." Jade boy remarked.
I get the feeling this teen has the wrong idea about me and the deer.
"Nevertheless, Madame Ping is a good friend of mine, and though we haven't spoken for some….." Zhongli had to hold a migraine. "I would still carry out any favors she asks as I would a contract. And your father is also a good friend of mine."
I see, this is definitely a new level of 'please lord look after my grandchildren,' but I definitely see what this is.
It was as I was beginning to understand the situation when so did the deer.
"Wait a second Mister Zhongli, you know granny and my father too…? Then, are you perhaps…" Th deer seems to have found a revelation.
That's right deer, this man before you right now is—
"An adeptus just like us!" The deer accused.
I jumped on the bed voluntarily and allowed myself to bounce down the floor.
"I knew my father was hiding something from me! Of course I always had that feeling that I knew you somehow!"
A troubled Zhongli replied.
"Hrrrk…. Yes, I am adepti, and I'm also honor bound to see for the safety of my friends and their families." He said.
Ah, isn't honor the best thing ever? That's why we exemplary samurais are all about honor.
"Which brings me to why I'm here. I won't stop you two from seeing this journey trough as I was informed you two have signed a contract, but that brings me to why I brought my friend besides me." Zhongli waved a hand a the Jade boy.
The boy stepped forward in silence and Zhongli began his introduction.
"This is Xiao, an adepti with a long history of fighting for Liyue and also a Yaksha. He is better known amongst the people of Liyue as the Conqueror of Demons…. And the reason I've brought him here to meet with you today is because I would like for him to come with you on your journey." Zhongli had finally explained the reasons for his visit.
I see, so like a bodyguard of sorts is what this Xiao is meant for. But as I was considering this, the deer had to open her mouth.
"No way! If he's the Conqueror of Demons then his job is way too crucial for him to just leave it behind! We could never trouble the last remaining Yaksha with our trifling matters like that!" She shot down the bodyguard proposal.
But Zhongli responded.
"Worry not, while he's out traveling I will shoulder his burden meanwhile."
"What!? But mister Zhongli, the job of the Conqueror of Demons is one of the most dangerous and harshest any adepti could have! Are you sure you're going to be okay?" The deer showed genuine and innocent concern for the safety of her god.
Zhongli simply waved away her worries, but Xiao had others.
All this time he has been standing there, looking like he wanted to say something, but he couldn't bring himself to say it, so I spoke in his behalf.
"You don't think this is necessary right?" I said and got a little reaction from the Yaksha.
The deer and Zhongli turned their attention to us two.
"No matter how much respect you have for your boss, if there's something you want to tell him you should just come on out and say it." I told him.
Xiao golden eyes met with Zhongli for a moment, it could be that I nailed it and he has an opinion that he's too afraid to share.
"Xiao, don't concern yourself with me, speak what's on your mind." Zhongli told him.
The Yaksha seemed to have made up his mind, and he ever so slightly faced Zhonli.
"With all due respect, I'm worried about leaving my burden in your hands…. I'm worried this petition feels like a break, like you're worried I've might collapse and fall apart if I keep… going." Xiao opened up with his worries.
Those who shoulder the burden are always reluctant to leave it in the hands of others, or accept a hand even.
Zhongli gave an attentive nod and placed a hand on Xiao shoulder.
"Worry not about me my friend, I've put you trough much already, having to carry on like this, but, if you don't wish to accept I won't stop you. However…" Zhongli paused.
Saying the harshest of things takes resolve, but sometimes, asking a friend to see for their safety, does too.
"Recently, I've come to learn the value of taking a break. No, these days I've nothing on my mind but the desire to finally find some rest, the relaxation that comes after seeing all your hard work come to fruition. And I can't rest at ease until I know so are you." He said.
Work and commitment has always been the life of adepti. I know that much because of the memories I still get to keep.
Maybe to those duty bound, a quest like ours can simply be seen as nothing more than a welcome break from a life full of strife and struggles.
"So let me have this, let me see you fail at making the same mistakes I made, let me see all my friends debts repaid so I can finally be at ease. And who knows what the future departs. A journey can be just like a pilgrimage, to help us overcome ourselves for the better, to find value and meaning in our life. Maybe just by the end of this seemingly simple journey, Xiao, you find something you've always been yearning for, just like I did." The Lord of Geo had said.
With delicate care, Zhongli removes his hand from Xiao shoulder, and the latter stood up almost immediately.
He took a step towards us two who sat on the bed. And with a calm nod he said to us.
"If you awake to a knife at your throat. If monsters dig their claws into you. If death comes knocking at your door, call out my name. Adeptus Xiao. I will be here when you call."
Part 5
With noon having arrived and a new friend on our merry band. The deer and I where back to arguing on the road.
"You can't be expecting her to return your feelings just because you crossed swords! I'll bet the next time she'll simply just cross the sword trough your neck and call it a day. What you need is someone dependable, someone who looks after you and will always be there for you when you need her. Someone like…"
She's been ranting on ever since she found that portrait of my goddess, but I'm more distracted by the corpse laying down in the middle of the road ahead.
It looks like a dead magician in leotards and a hat.
"Eek!" Cried the corpse.
"Oiinnnk!" Cried the random boar that jumped out the bushes and tripped over the corpse on the road.
It would seem that's not a corpse but someone very much alive. I wonder how long till the deer notices and rushes to help?
"Someone like me for example. All I'm saying is, you can always rely on me… Huh? Wait there's someone hurt over there!!" Seems the deer finally got her head out of her mouth.
She ran straight up to help the strange magician on the road. I hope this is not a trap she's running into.
"Oh my Lord of Geo, she's malnourished and looks like she hasn't eaten in days! Xiao please run back to the inn and grab some food hurry!" The deer asked.
I immediately felt a wind current and a thump sound behind me. Xiao had appeared almost immediately when the deer called up his name like he said he would.
Thought he's coming with us as a bodyguard, he said he preferred to keep his distance from mortals like me, and that's why it was only me and the deer here by the road until a moment ago.
I drew some mora from my pouch and extended it to Xiao, he grabbed it and immediately jumped into the air before riding a wind current down the road.
I guess he's used to moving around rapidly.
"Here have some Crab Roe Tofu prep My Way while the kind man comes back with more food!" The deer drew out a lunchbox which I've never even realize when had she made it.
Funnily enough I can't tell if it was the hunger or that recipe had resurrection properties because it sure quickly got that magician back to life.
"Kya!" The deer got shoved aside.
The magician opened her eyes wide to the aroma and began to devour the lunchbox in a frenzy. I would be pressed for sure if I ever said I've seen a wild animal dig so eagerly into their food.
After recovering from her thump with the ground, the deer stood up and inquired.
"Are you alright? I-a… I know that might not be enough but please hold on a moment, a friend of ours is bringing more!" She assured the hungry magician.
This magician then proceeded to vulgarly lick the lunch bunch clean before putting it down and shooting me a glare.
Wait she's glaring at me?
"It would seem the starts have brought us together again, Innamorato!" She shouted as she stared dagger at me.
"Huh? Do you know this girl, Simp?"
"I've never seen this woman in my life." I told the truth of course.
Though that's likely because I can't remember when was it we met. However the way she's calling me…. yeah…..
"You have some guts stealing from me like that! The money pouch you gave me suddenly started flying and disappeared into the forest! And I've even put the rest of my money in because it looked nicer than my wallet!" Hatty accused me.
But what exactly does she means by it? The only reason I would do something like that could be—
"You're the bandit that assaulted Simp yesterday! You got some guts showing your face around him again!" My appointed defense put the case together for me.
Hmm, I don't remember having been mugged yesterday, but by the looks of it, seems like I was.
The magician under the big hat waved the deer accusings aside.
"Legal adviser from Liyue. Please rest assured I'm no criminal. However your partner on the other hand, is and a very big one at that! I know because I'm an astrologer who can read the future. And that's why I tried to….. launch a blow against his bank account in an effort to… complicate his plans a little!" The magician confessed.
But astrology? That shit was real? Did I seriously got robbed by a stars-reader yesterday?
I thought I was doomed when she started calling me by that name before the deer, but it would seem like she wasn't having it.
"So what you're saying is, you used your powers to dig dirt on him and then blackmailed him to take his money?" Deery said.
And ohhhhhh, I know where this is going when she doesn't immediately turns on me. Why didn't I remember to bring popcorn? Stupid memory.
"Don't put it like that! I would never use my astrology powers for my own selfish reasons…. Is just the bills where starting to pile up and I happened to learn about him during my seering practice that I thought it wouldn't hurt to con a villain…. He's just a filthy criminal anyways!" The confessions keep coming.
But at least I'm starting to see what happened. I don't think my honor could've live with myself if it found out a pansy astrologer had stolen my lunch money.
This was my opinion though, deery was looking more and more like the Pyro vision holder she is.
"Everything you said just sounded like blackmailing and I've still haven't heard the reason he's this big heinous criminal!"
"Well that's easy, he's a—"
"Saved it! No court of law would hear the word of a blackmailer and neither will I! And if you think you can accuse him of anything then take a hike to the nearest police station! I'll be walking right behind you to throw your case on the trash bin because of blackmailing and then I'll get you a sentence on top for highway robbery!!" The deer declared like a firebrand.
Damn, she really hates criminal activity. Good thing she's not aware of any of mines…. But then again, neither am I because I simply don't remember.
My consciousness is clear like water. I simply know myself too well to pretend I don't have stuff lying around.
The bandit astrologer took a step back in frantic panic.
"W-wait calm down! I know you, I've seen who you are when I was looking into Innamorato. Don't you wanna throw him in jail where he won't be able to cause trouble for anyone anymore and won't have anyone else but you to pay him a daily visit!" The magician blurted on her desperation.
My heart almost sunk when I caught sight of the deer red cheeks and heavy breathing. I don't think I've ever seen her so consumed by desire before.
"Just think about it! He'll have no place to go and probably won't be jailed or allowed to see anyone else because of his violent tendencies! You'd be the only one he sees everyday when you come to visit trough the arrow-proof glass! His only release and the only one on his mind! Nothing but you for him to look at! You'll be his only source of emotional support and contact with a human being!" The magician doubles down.
The deer started to go into heat. Drool cascading off her perfect lips and she had her legs crossed, holding back her nether region like something naughty was going on down there.
I think I've heard of tsunderes and yanderes before, but the heck is this? A jaildere?
"Imagine the emotional dependence he will built with you! No more him busying his mind with some other electro skank cause he'll have no one but you to look after him! Think of all the arguments you could have and he will happily sign up for when you visit just so he'll have another human being to talk to! Imagine the possibilities! Think Miss legal adviser just think!"
"Aaaah!" The deer moaned loudly.
Oh shit. Oh shit I'm in real trouble right now aren't I?
It was just as I was starting to discreetly leave the scene that the deer managed to wipe out the drool from her lips and said.
"Not interested, you blackmailed him and that makes you as much of a criminal as you claim he is. And I'll say it again, no court of law will take your word and neither will I!" My lawyer stood in my defense.
Commitment to her ideals, morals and just enough understanding to always make the right choice when it counts.
No wonder she's best deer.
With big starry eyes and a newfound sense of respect I approached her.
"De-e-eer—Ugh!" I recoiled back.
The deer was bitting her lips whilst crying blood. To say nothing of her trembling naughtily crossed legs and reddened skin.
I don't think I've ever seen a greater disagreement of the mind and the body shown trough self-restraint.
Maybe I'm much more safer staying away from this deer.
Soon enough we felt a strong breeze and a thump behind us.
"I brought the food!" Our Yaksha delivered boy had arrive in haste.
He must've been worried about the roadkill we where attending. But the deer waved him off with great difficulty.
"It-it's alright Xiao. Miss astrologer here now feels much better and she was just about leaving." The redhead shooes the brunette away.
Miss astrologer deflated like a balloon when she saw her threats and pleads weren't working. She timidly covered her face with her hat and extended an arm.
"May I… at least have my money back….? Is just I put the little mora I had inside his wallet before it decided to fly away…." She finished, timidly.
I don't think whatever she had is worth much and I think I better quit while I'm ahead. I took on a fistful of mora and tossed on the dirt by her feet. That should be more than she ever had and enough to get her off our case.
"Pick that up and go back home, and I know I'm not going to remember you but I better not see your face….again…. Hey are you alright?" I asked
But something was definitely off. The stuck all-important astrologer we found before now was nowhere to be seen. Instead there a crying and trembling girl holding her head in panic and tears running out.
"N…no no! The hag will… the hag will kill me for sure!" She said shaking.
This astrologer looked like she had awoken some deep-seated trauma from her past.
"I dropped the hags mora bottle… but is full of penny mora that all together don't even add up to 9 mora and there's shards everywhere….b-b-but the hag wants her cigars… And if don't bring it back she will…." It would seem her memories where starting to surface.
I wish my memory could do that, though not under these circumstances.
"Kya! It hurts! The glass shards are hurting my fingers but… I need to pick every single penny mora… I don't have any more mora and if I don't bring the hag her smokes she will kill me!" The astrologer finally freaked out.
I was about to say something when the deer shoves past me.
"Are you alright!? Listen to me hey!? This hag isn't here to hurt you, your safe!" The deer said.
But the astrologer just winced in pain to her vivid memories.
"Ouch! The broken glass from the bottle, is making my fingers bleed…. The bystander are watching me picking pennies with pity in their eyes…. But if I don't pick 900 mora pennies more I won't be able to pay for the hags cigarettes and she will…." Her despair grew larger.
She winced as if she was feeling the same shards from that memory digging into her fingers. Stared at said fingers like they would've been bleeding. Looked at us like we where the bystander taking pity at the poor girl picking pennies off the street. Feared the guardian she was meant to bring these cigars for.
"'Where's my smokes Mona!'" The girl did a sudden impersonation before trembling frantically again.
I guess she must've been so scared she even started to have a mental meltdown.
The deer and I couldn't take it any longer and we jumped on the scene. I frantically started picking up all the mora I had thrown on the dirt a moment ago while the deer held the astrologer by her shoulders.
"It's not real! You're listening to me! This isn't real!" The deer embraced the astrologer almost as soon as she said those words.
And the girl returned the embrace.
I rushed to pick up the mora with the help of Xiao whom surprisingly, crouched down to help me before I had even realized.
This girl has a trauma for seeing mora spread out across the ground, I will remember that so I don't make this mistake again.
The deer finally managed to calm her down and me and Xiao approached her with all the mora cupped on our hands.
"You poor thing! I can't even begin to imagine all the suffering you must've went trough! Please let me do anything I can to help you!" The deer said.
I hope she's not planning to tell me to give her more mora or something. I might not enjoy tormenting other's with their childhood traumas but that doesn't means I'm feeling charitable.
And for some reasons Xiao golden eyes started to shine when he heard the deer comforting the astrologer about her pain and a suffering.
I guess this guys really sympathizes with empathy.
The quiet adepti turned his head away the moment he caught me staring, but I still saw him though. I'm a samurai not some dense plep please.
"You where struggling to pay the bills right? And hadn't eaten for weeks right!? Please come with us and I'll pay you a salary and cook you meals everyday with that guy money!" She offered.
But 'that' guy had a word with his honor and he said no. I haven't forgotten that all expenses of this journey run by my account and we already got a new mouth to feed not moments ago.
"Please tell us your name! Stay with us! I promise you'll never go hungry again and when this is all over I'll go back home with you to arrest the hag who did this to you!"
I'm starting to feel sorry for the hag. The deer can really be relentless when she wants you behind bars.
The astrologer finally managed to calm down her tears and said weakly.
"I'm… I'm Mona! Waaaaaahhh!" And she was crying again.
"Mona right! That's such a beautiful name! Welcome to our merry band Mona!" And they where back to embracing again.
I rolled my eyes for the new bills I've to be covering and turned to my other friend.
"Can you believe this Xiao? She thinks I'm going to pay for everything…. Xiao?"
Xiao was too entranced to even bother hiding it this time.
What was it the emotional support, the promise of food or understanding the pain that had him so enthralled?
This guy must really want something like the deer and hatty had just a moment ago.
I thought Morax was stretching it, but if he's so easy then he really might walk out this journey with something he's always been yearning for.
Just as I was swiping a hand before the adepti face, the deer came to me with Mona hand held tight.
"Simp… I want to ask you that we take a detour!"
"Detours? What for exactly?" I asked.
I've no intentions to delay my date with my Shogun, so this better be good.
"I once heard from my father that there's a legendary dish to the west of here called Delicious Adeptus' Temptation and I want to make it for Mona!" She exclaimed with a strange hint of pleading she usually never shows to me.
But food though? What food could be so good to warrant a left turn now though?
I decided to ask my wise friend Xiao for his opinion on the matter but he didn't need to say anything. A line of drool was starting to roll down his lips.
This guy really says a lot whiteout saying anything at all doesn't he?
Damn, is that dish really that good? Oh well, I might be walking to my death on this journey anyways so I don't see a reason not to take it easy.
"But can you really make a dish that sounds so… high and mighty?" I asked just in case.
"So long as there's a recipe there I can do it! I might not be the most innovative chef out there but I can follow any recipe to the exact letter and if there's one then I'm sure I can make that Delicious Adeptus' Temptation!"
"Alright deer, left turn it is."
And who knows, maybe a magical dish cures my bad memory or something.
Whatever the case might be, it seems Liyue will take us for day or two longer.