Genshin Impact Brave the Lightning

by Axkalaba

Follow the hilarius tale of Simp Bad. Inuzuma public enemy number one also know as the Paper Cut Samurai in his “honorable” quest to split the lightning!

7. Spell My Name

Spell My Name

Part 1

A road sign came to sight.

'Dawn Winery.' It said.

The vineyards stretched alongside the road all the way to an elegantly erected manor.

I have no idea where I am, but if there's people, maybe they could point me in the way back to Mondstadt.

I approached an old man to ask him for directions.

"Hello. Do you have a message from my son?"

"Goodbye." I told him.

I'll find someone else to ask for directions.

Next I approached a man with a mustache and a hat.

"Welcome to Dawn Winery! Are you here for a tour… master Simp…? By Barbatos you look horrible!" This guy seems to know me.

I don't remember him though.

"Which way to Mondstadt, and do you have a horse I could rent? I'm in a hurry."

"A-a horse, sure…! But, if I may, you look wounded. Maybe is best you rest…" He suggested with concern.

I'm gonna be even more wounded if I don't find a boat and soon… Wonder if this guy could help me somehow?

"Say, does this winery have a boat I can rent? I could even buy the whole ship if necessary, just name your price." I bargained.

"A ship… yes master Simp, master Diluc already informed us about your circumstances, and we have prepared one of our vessels for your personal use. We just received news that the Foaming Grape was anchored at the Falcon Coast and is ready for use." He told me.

Have I already paid for the ship…? No wait that's besides the point.

"Say again you… what's your name?"

"Connor sir!"

"Right, Cone. Did you just said you already have a ship prepared for me?"

"Yes sir… and also my name is Connor sir, not Cone." He clarified.

I felt like having a heart attack. Did I just won the samurai lottery or something? When did I seduce the fickle Lady Luck?

For once my problems resolve themselves whiteout me knowing? I come to find I forgot something, and it was the good news?

This hasn't happened before I'm sure of it, I would remember and I would've written a note just to be sure I would.

No… wait something is off here. There's no way I would have forgotten something so important like that unless...

The party!

I can't believe it, is almost too good to be true. I was going to lie to the deer and tell her the reason I was partying was because I found a boat, but it turns out it was the honest truth!

"Uh… master Simp, are you alright? You've been staring at my hat in silence for a while now…" Something heard something.

But wait, that still isn't right. Why would I be so stupid to drink myself into oblivion after having accomplished something so important…?

The note!

"Nice try partner." Someone messed up with my note, I remember! "Your adepti friend told us…" That's right, Xiao.

He was at the party with me. He should know what's going on, I just need to find him.

But before that, there's something I need to know.

"You said it was Diluc who told you to find me a ship, right?"

"Y-yes sir! We heard from the head butler that one of our ships was to be given to you as compensation for the services you lent master Diluc. Ehm… you can go ask him in person if you want. He arrived just a moment ago."

Diluc..?

Isn't he the creepy waiter from this morning? The guy insisting I had a drink with my breakfast?

Now that I think about it, maybe he'd want to tell me something important, but why would I have to drink first?

Strange, something feels off here…

Still, if Diluc is here and Xiao is nowhere to be seen, maybe I should play it safe and ask what's going on from the guy who's around.

"Oh, and your friend with the black hair is also here if you'd want to see him."

"Alright Cone, take me to your master."

"It's Connor, sir."

Part 2

Cone brought me inside the Dawn Winery manor.

It was lavishly adorned and came with every accommodation you would see from the lobby of a noble of renown.

"There's a more private dinning room on the second floor that master Diluc uses to entertain special quests. Try looking for him there, and good luck in your endeavors, master Simp." Cone said before closing the door behind me and leaving.

I went for the stairs and passed a handrail with an owl decoration.

Funny creatures the owls. I once saw one perching on the deer antlers and going hoot, back when we arrived here in Mondstadt territory.

Next thing I watched as a homing fireball chased our newly appointed meal of the night across the night sky.

The first floor of this mansion was excellently decorated, and a perfect representation of the class from the gentleman that owns this house. The second floor was the definition of getting lazy halfway.

I went trough one of the doors and soon arrived at a dining room where the architect must've been paid to actually do his job or something.

It was indeed a dining room. Smaller in size and equipment than the lobby but far more reserved into the inner layout of the mansion.

There by a long table of six, sat the waiter that attended my breakfast this morning.

"Oh, the mighty samurai honors us with his presence. Care for a drink?" Diluc offers me.

"Hi there Dilu, any chance you could tell me what went on the party from the last few days?" I asked him.

He was sitting at the far end of a dining table and I was approaching from the other side. It looked like he was having lunch right now, but the table was full of greens and tofu.

"The party? Good question, why don't you ask our friend in common if that's what you want to know." Diluc said, pointing at the chair by the other end of the table.

I hadn't noticed as I was walking because the backrest blocked my sight, but now I could see two arms sticking out of the chair. And I came around to find someone I had been looking for.

"Huh… Xiao…?"

The jade adepti was just sitting there. A bid around his neck and a selection of soft and delectable Almond Tofu presented by the dozens before him.

He employed a spoon with precise delicacy and cut a slice of the tofu before he brought it to his mouth.

"Hehe… haha…" He began laughing creepily after he was done swallowing.

I observed as he picked a bottle of wine and poured himself a drink. But instead of serving on a wine glass, he pours it over a bowl until the Almond Tofu began floating in the wine.

"Xiao… hey Xiao are you alright… are you even listening to me right now? What's going on here and how did you end up…" As I was trying to get his attention, I saw he put the wine bottle aside.

I picked it up to see what it was about.

"Lost In Memory Lane… 166.6% alcohol content!" I felt my jaw drop to the floor.

This alcohol volume shouldn't even be realistically possible.

"Is made trough an ancient brewing technique of house Ragnvindr. Thought we consider it a weapon more than we think of it as a wine." The master of this monster creation, said.

No wonder Xiao isn't responding to me. He must be drunk out of his mind.

"Hey stop it! You're seriously going to forget even the day you where born!"

"Ksh!" A drunken Xiao fought me for the bowl of almond wine.

"What have you been serving him you madman!?" I snapped at Dilu as I finally managed to pry off Xiao from the liquor.

"What have I been serving him? Haven't you heard the legends about the Conqueror of Demons?" I heard.

But truth be told I don't know much about Xiao, and if I did before I would likely have forgotten. His life was inconsequential to me before we met, after all.

"Drinking is a colossal waste of time. Makes those who partake unable to work properly and even invites laziness. But then there's cases like the Conqueror of Demons, who can find peace in a good drink." Dilu said.

I looked over the absentmindedly visage of my friend. He had stopped fighting me for the drink, and returned to silently eating at his meals, as if this conversation wasn't about him to begin with.

I heard the steps of Dilu approaching, and met his sight as I turned.

"All I did was offer him respite in exchange for his services."

"Like you wanted from me, didn't you?"

"Yours case… is more like you're just too convenient to not make use of you. But I was informed your ship was prepared once I returned this afternoon." I saw as Dilu grabbed a dizzy Xiao by the arm and forced him to stand.

He next shoved him onto me.

"You'll do well to ask what his troubles are once he sobers up. If you can't understand your friends problems, then you never had friends to begin with, you had tools."

Part 3

I pushed open the door to Meg's house whilst supporting Xiao with my shoulder.

Noises of wood snapping and banging could be heard coming from inside the house.

I rested Xiao against the living room couch and removed my shoes. With stealth I approached the scene playing from the corridors.

There I saw a lustful girl of short blue hair trying to pry a door off it's hinges.

"The hero arrives for her recompense, my cute princess."

"Wait! I-I'm not ready yet— just please give me more time!" Cries of desire and terror would be heard coming from the scene before my very eyes.

It would seem the prince in shining armor is about to have her way with the princess.

Now the question is, should the dragon try and intervene here?

Nah, if the hero can be late to save the day then so can the dragon. This sounds like a lot of fun.

I evened my breath to calm even my heartbeats, and adjusted my stance to spread my weight as much as possible.

I had erased my presence.

With loud cracks and bracks sounds the door finally came off and was tossed aside. I noticed several locks had been added to make it extra safe against intruders, but it would seem it was in vain.

I followed right behind VK as she entered the room.

"Ah, finally this joyous day has come."

"Uhm Hmm Hmm!" The deer cried as her hat fell off when VK had buried her face in her bosom.

Can't say it doesn't brings a smile to my face, seeing that smug girl panicking like this. Perhaps it isn't time to save the day just yet.

"Kya!" Deery cried as she was pushed down the bed.

VK climbed atop her and began to loosen the strap on her back. Soon she pulled down her top till it was coming around her waist. With her top bare.

I wish I had multidirectional vision so I could check her from the front.

The deer reddened, fought to get VK off, but failed miserably. Soon VK reached for deery top, and began to undress her.

I heard her gasping for air, her hands lay rest besides her on the bed, she had stopped fighting. Soon I saw a cropped top and a pair of black bras flying troughs the room, and now VK had brought her hands behind her back, pushing at her zip with one and pulling down at the deer black shorts with the other.

"Ahm!" Moaned deery as VK had kissed her on the neck.

Hmm… seems like the prince will eat the princess if the dragon doesn't intervenes soon. This could be the perfect time also, to have her owe me something.

But… since she stopped fighting it, wouldn't I be getting in their way if I walked in?

Yes, it is a revelation. I shall bear witnesses to the blossoming of their love like the good friend I am and—

I was kicked from the back.

I landed on the floor with a loud cracking of the planks. Behind me stood a drunken Adepti, who had lost his footing after kicking.

He flailed and pukes all over the wall before he fell on top of me.

"Ugh… agh…" Xiao grunted as he rolled off me.

"Yuck! Xiao! You got some in my hair—"

"Hmmp hmmp hmmpt!" I heard someone clearing her throat, loudly.

When I looked up I saw the deer covering behind the bed sheets and VK pulling up her clothes.

Deery started to glow red… Shit that's her Brilliance aura!

"How long have you two been hiding there?" A red seal formed behind her back.

"I just arrived! Promise!"

"Liar…" Xiao coughed as he held back his gag reflexes.

"I see, and when where you two planning to come in? Or did you decided to see the show to the end?" A second seal formed behind the back of the dangerously looking deer.

"I was only held back by the shock of it all! Promise!"

"Liar… guk… look at his pants…" Xiao pointed out.

I had my pants down to my knees and my sash loose. Maybe is time to stop lying and start running.

A third seal formed behind the back of the deer and I desperately tried to get up and run away, but some traitor had me by the leg.

"You… won't get… away." The jade drunkard claims.

"And neither will you, Xiao." Deery said as her final seal appeared.

"Eh?" Xiao gave her a dumbfounded and questioning look.

Seems like the deer thinks he was watching too like last time.

Welcome to the rowing boat, traitor!

"You saw too, didn't you?"

"Not… impressed." This fearless man retorted even under these circumstances.

A flaming anvil with a cute baby deer formed over our heads, and descends mercilessly.

Part 4

I offered Xiao a bottle of Hair Fixerup to help with our Afros.

The blow sent us down a floor and we crashed on Meg's room.

Now with Meg's present, we all sat in the living room. Me and Xiao in a couch while VK and the deer took the other. Meg was busy using some strange catalyst with minor healing magic to cure our wounds.

"So you found a ship, and you said it's anchored at the Falcon Coast?" Deery asked as she tapped her sole on the floor.

"Yes! I was just on my way to give you the good news! Hahaha! Sorry VK but we'll no longer be needing your services." I played the sorry idiot for the sake of convenience.

VK seemed unfaltering though, as she tried to lay a hand on deery, but was slapped away.

She's pissed for real this time, it would seem.

"About that, it is the reason I came here." VK then pulled out a long sheet of paper from her blouse.

It was the deed of a ship called the Foaming Grape.

"I asked around HQ for someone who could lend us a boat, and the Calvary captain informed me there was only one but it had already been lent to a blond samurai from Inuzuma. He said he was on his way to hand over the deed, but I took over in his stead."

"Oh… let's see here… Yes this says the previous owner was Dilu— I mean Diluc…" A smile creeps over my face.

I finally had it, the boat I needed to go back to Inuzuma. The moment I've been longing for so long. I could feel the adrenaline burning inside me.

"Well VK, it was a pleasure doing business with you, but as you can see, this ship is mine, I earned it. So we won't be needing your services anymore. Which means my friend here owes you nothing." I presumptively tried to score some peace points with the deer.

She jerked her head to the side and stuck her lips out.

I admit I could've handed that situation back there a little better, but she's saved nonetheless. I would feel bad if I had made her do something she didn't want to do just to help me out.

Then VK saw her opening and affectionately caught and wrapped her hands around deery.

"Oh you have the boat alright, but what about the crew?" VK gave a sly smile as the deer started sweating.

Now that she mentions it, this deed is for a merchant ship. And I doubt whoever worked there before would come on a voyage that might involve a fight with a god.

Oh my Shogun, do I need to hunt for a crew now?

"I studied everything there is to know about sea vessels. All I need is a couple extra hands willing to take a directive or two, and we'll be able to sail anywhere in the world." VK said.

Seems like we have our captain and expert right here.

"And I can read the stars. I'll chart the course for the ship." Meg's added from her spot on the chair.

"You, aren't you even a little afraid of Mob Ivory?" I asked.

"Yes, but I already saw myself involved in your future so I must see it trough. And I looked fine there so I'm not really worried." She waved away my concerns.

Which reminds me…

"What? You aren't going to suggest leaving me here now, aren't you? You wanna have another word with my anvil?" She threatened.

Better I put that off for now. VK then proceeded to extend a hand whilst still not letting go of her prey.

"Then to celebrate our collaboration, let us start anew. Nice to make your acquaintance, sir owner. Eula Lawrence, Captain of the Knights of Favonius Recognizance Company, Captain of the Foaming Grape, and Miss Steals Your Girlfriend." She declares with a challenging grin.

VK introduced herself more amicably this time.

I shook hands with her.

"Simp Bad, the Paper Cut Samurai. And she's all yours, if you can tame her obviously." I generously offered.

I felt like I was drawing on someone's ire but next one was…

"Hic… Deer… hehe." Xiao didn't seem to have any interest in this topic.

Guess we'll be a small crew, but we should be able to manage a ship somehow…

"Hey! What did you just call me!?" Deery doesn't seem to like what Xiao called her.

Strange, I call her deer all the time and she doesn't minds.

"Hehe… hahaha…" Xiao continued to laugh absentmindedly.

"Owner, what's up with your friend? He looks like he's about to pass on the spot." VK pointed.

Wait, now that I think about it.

"Someone told me that drinks helped him find respite. Is there something wrong with him?" I asked of the deer.

But Meg cut her in as she was about to answer.

"Yes, he's bothered for all the bad karma of the demons he has killed. Pilling up karmic debt after debt in order to protect Liyue." Meg's informed me.

"So, what is this karmic debt anyway?" I asked.

Deery was about to answer but Meg's cuts in again.

"Is the pain and malice accumulated from all his victims. The results of an old long-gone war which once ravaged the land. From the spirit of it's fallen rises their hate and disdain, giving birth to demons that threaten the lives of Liyue and its habitants. And Xiao, the last remaining Yaksha who fights because of his contract to Morax, is stuck at the receiving end of all this."

Besides us, Xiao had gone silent.

"So… what does it means. Is he in pain or something?" I asked as I still don't understand what this bad karma does.

"Immensely, not only that but he can't quit because of his contract to Morax."

Hmm… I think I'm beginning to get the picture. So that's why he's content drinking himself into oblivion with that weird liquor.

"Good thing you didn't have to sign any contract, Deer. I don't think you could last a year on his shoes." I threw a light joke to ease the tension between us two.

Deery looked like she was about to argue back when Meg's cut her in a third time.

"A year? Not even minutes. If Xiao is the adepti who drew the shortest stick, Yanfei is the one who took the whole forest." Meg added.

Besides us the deer pulled her head back in shock as Meg's continued.

"Just think about it, Xiao's the way he is today because he had a horrible life and childhood, meanwhile Yanfei has been given nothing but love all her life. They're as different as the sun and moon."

Besides us this Yanfei creature was looking flabbergasted as Meg's keeps going.

"… He's signed the worst adepti contact ever while she's practically signed the best one. He's expected to shave away at his health in order to protect Liyue under any circumstances while she's just doing it by mere coincidence. He's bad around humans while she even beats them at their own rules. He lives tormented by the past while all she does is live the day to day with no concern for her future…"

Besides us this Yanfei creature was really starting to become small in VK embrace.

"… Is no wonder their personalities are so different when it shows on the hardship they've faced. If anything I feel like Yanfei owes Xiao an apology for even existing." Meg's finally concluded.

Deery had taken a fetal position in the couch as VK wrapped her arms around her, patting her head for emotional support.

I looked back at drunken Xiao who was eyeing the deer with a sharp gaze after hearing what Meg's said.

Was he feeling, jealousy? From the deer of all people?

Hmm… but wait, perhaps I'm not taking this seriously enough. Meg's said this bad karma causes him pain the more he kills, and I know he's been fighting for millennia at the very least…

I began reaching my hand for Xiao.

I don't condone drinking all the time to ease your pain, but maybe I can share his pain by taking some of his bad karma. My Vision should be able to work on this.

Meg's pulled down her hat and deery caught me reaching. For a moment there I saw her looking pale.

"Wait stop—"

I activated the power of my Vision and a small shadow jumped from Xiao's shoulder into my hand.

The world went dark immediately afterwards.

Part 5

"Hugfff!!!" I sat on the bed sweating.

I could feel my heartbeats accelerate and my breathing agitated…

I remember.

"You tried to take some of Xiao bad karma, and passed out from the pain. Innamorato." A blue magician looking girl said as she sat on my bed.

I remember everything, something black jumped into my hand and…

"What… is this…?" I said looking over my left arm.

It had turned completely black and my veins where throbbing, pulsating. I couldn't move it or even feel it.

"That's just what happens when you do stupid things like that whiteout thinking of the consequences. Xiao even avoids being around people so his misfortune won't bother others. If you where to try and take it straight from the source, then the results should be obvious." She said.

I was left looking in horror at my arm. The way it looked made me think it was better to cut it off before whatever made it like that spread to the rest of my body.

"Don't worry about it though. You can't move it because Xiao used a spell to numb the pain, which paralyzed your arm as a side effect. Is not permanent and he managed to take back the karma you absorbed whiteout much issue." She said.

But I was still in shock looking over it.

"Xiao's living with something like that, all the time?"

"Much more. The karmic debt that made your arm look like that isn't even a drop in the bucket when compared to what he carries around." She said as she applied a cold blanked over my limp forearm.

This thing. I passed out, nearly lost an arm and I didn't even manage to make a dent?

It was as I contemplated my actions that I caught sight of a pair of golden eyes sticking behind the door.

"Xiao, come on in. I'm fine… oh don't worry about the arm. Meg's said I'll be okay." I tried to make light of the situation.

Had I known I was going to end like this I wouldn't have tried. Xiao was now giving me a long close look. I feel like all I achieved was to make him worry.

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"Hey, I said is alright. Don't worry, I'm just an idiot who doesn't know what he walks himself into. I a… I didn't know you where in so much pain all the time. I'll treat you to some strong wine next time we're at the tavern."

"No… drinking has never helped. Or rather, I had never seen a drink that strong before." He states.

I guess it made sense. He never struck me as the kind to drink his worries away.

"But had I've been sober, I could've stopped you in time... This was my fault, I relaxed too much for my own good. But never again." He said, turning his back and leaving.

Meg's sighted in relief as we once more where left alone.

"My stars, glad that's finally over." She seemed to deflate.

I don't see why she's so relieved though. Xiao's probably blaming himself and I can't even play it off with my arm looking like this.

"Well Innamorato, I hope you where able to understand the Conqueror of Demons better now."

"Yeah I do, I just never thought he would have it so bad. He… really doesn't shows it doesn't he?"

"You're right, he doesn't. He's the kind if given the chance, would take away all the world pain for himself so nobody else has to hurt again." Meg's told me with a shake of her head.

That's such a horrible way to live. If pain is something that's inevitable then it should be shared to ease the burden. That's what friends are for.

"Next time you try this stunt, remind yourself you're only human, and Xiao is an adepti. Not matter how strong you are, your life force is fickle when compared to him."

"You don't need to remind me after the fact, you know?"

"Oh but I do, because just like Xiao has a kind, yours the type to headbutt any wall you'd face till it comes down drenched in blood." She said.

I feel like this insolent girl was comparing me to a mule just now… but wait a minute, something feels off here.

"You knew I was going to try and share his pain, didn't you?"

"But of course, I can see the future you know?" She said as a matter-of-fact.

Unbelievable, then all that talking about Xiao was just to bait me into doing this.

What did I ever do to make her hate me so much?

"You know, a warning could've been nice… And about the future…"

"You want to know if there's a way… No scratch that, you want to know if you could just get away with it the next time?" She asked, giving me the kind of look you would a poor and pitiful creature.

"Just answer the question, Meg."

"I don't want to." She replied.

"Excuse me?" I asked with a hint of honor showing in my tone.

"I'm not telling you, Innamorato. You have this weird fixation with defying destiny and I… well… I don't want you to go against this destiny." She for once showed me a look that reflected pride in who she was seeing.

Looking over her, I felt butterflies dancing in my stomach.

Maybe there was some truth to what Dilu said, about understanding your friends better, so they wouldn't feel like tools in the toolbox.

Because I never felt happier to have a friend who could read the future.

"You're right, hehe. Better I don't know this one, after all, I did managed to get trough the day whiteout rotting in jail, didn't I?" I teased.

"Not really, the day isn't over yet. You're still getting arrested in the end." She stated to my immediate dread.

I take back what I said, I wish I had left this one at the filth road where I found her.

Part 6

After finally getting our things in order, we set for the Falcon Coast.

"I mean the answer is obvious. We want peasants to stand six ft away so we don't have to smell them, you know?"

"That is even worse than the reasons my clan taught me to avoid people." VK replied with scorn.

Apparently Dilu and this famous Calvary captain put word with the Favonius Acting Grandmaster for VK to come along in our journey. And she was already raring to come and protect her princess.

Is something I'm definitely thankful because otherwise I'll be forced to find a crew either too stupid or drunk enough to set sail with me.

Problem is that we seem to have opposing views on how aristocracy should carry themselves in public.

"I'm telling you, how do you expect them to respect us if we don't behave like we're better than them, right deer?"

"Don't use me to justify your stupid bad attitude. I hate this side about you and I wish I could incarcerate you every time you say stupid yap like that." Deery gave me the stink eye.

My, is almost like I'm the bad guy despite my highly plebeian tolerance. Some wouldn't even know I'm nobility by how well I get along with the plebs.

Shaking my head in disappointment, we finally came around some rocks and arrived at the beach where our vessel was beached.

It had two old dirty sails and the wood looked worn out, but the body seemed sturdy and the size was spacious enough for us to live in a few weeks.

There I noticed a group of men with face masks and shovels, helping to move the provisions around.

VK rose an eyebrow and began drawing her claymore.

"Thieves, stand back." She outstretched her hand, holding back the deer.

I walked past her and called out to one of the peasants.

"Hey commoner, mind if I ask you a few questions about proper pissant to high cadre relations?" I called out.

The short haired blond dropped a barrel of food for the voyage once he heard me.

It would seem us coming around the rocks caught them by surprise.

"What are you doing you fool!? Get back here hurry!"

"Is that man, for real?"

"There he goes, forgetting completely about my predictions and starting the event that begins his incarceration." The deer, VK and Meg all got noisy for some reason.

"Here deer, VK, let me show you a demonstration in proper aristocratic conduct. First, on your knees, peasants." I commanded with rich elegance.

Unlike my mouthy friends and acquaintances, these plebs at least had the decency to drop what they where doing and attend my presence. I'm sure they'll make a great example for these uneducated other peasants I sometimes call friends.

A tall one even cracked his knuckles as he had clearly dreams of sharing a handshake with me. How cute.

"Ya, yada ya!" Something cried from behind a mound of rocks.

"Hilichurls!" The deer said alarmed.

A wave of hilichurls comes out from behind their cover and starts charging at my group and the peasants.

As I prepared to draw my katana, someone from my group took the initiative and hurled a claymore made of light against the ocean.

It exploded causing a splash wave to wash over the hillichurls, and was flash frozen in a second.

I barely had the chance to blink before someone rushed into the frozen hilichurls wave.

She sunk her heel on the sand, spun with her blade and danced with the frozen shard's until she shattered half a dozen enemy ice sculpture in a matter of seconds.

My deer, this girl really doesn't believes in mercy nor honor. She just walks in and destroys everything in seven seconds. Even the peasants jaws dropped at the sight of her brutally dancing over the frozen monster corpses.

"Par for the ride, don't you think my princess?" She pushed down a fleck of hair from her face before she posed for deery to see.

"Amazing Eula! You really are the strongest!" The deer praises her.

This Eula creature looked away reddening to the praise she was given. Seeing we where safe, I loosened the grip I had on my katana.

"T-t-that's a Lawrence! That's a damn Lawrence everyone, run!!" One of the peasants shouted and everyone dropped what they where doing to try and flee.

Two swords of light shot for the shore and created two waves which where flash frozen immediately, cutting off the escape route of the terrified commoners.

VK gave the deer a pat on the head before she returned her hat and heads for the commoners.

"Stealing in broad daylight and interrupting our pleasant walk on the beach. Let's see what have we have here…" She approached like a lion before the lambs.

I cut in between her and the scared peasants.

"Calm down VK, is like you've never seen men hard at work before." I waved her off.

VK came to a sudden stop, she was giving me a confused and at the same time, look of disgust.

"What are you talking about, owner? These men are clearly criminals. They where trying to steal our belongings and provisions from the ship."

"Nonsense, they where just carrying our things aboard."

"More like out-board." The snarky deer quipped from the back row.

I shot her a look and she returned it with attitude.

"This ship was just prepared this morning. It's natural that they haven't had the time to get everything ready. Aren't I right, commoners?" I turned around and winked at the commoners.

Thought I admit it did take me a minute, I realized these guys aren't Dilu workers. However, why should I waste a perfect opportunity to mess with the deer?

"Here I'll demonstrate. If they really where the criminals you say they are, would they listen to me when I do this?" With a snap of my fingers I commanded. "Kneel."

The men looked around in panic before dropping to their knees and saluting.

Yessss, that's right you filthy rats. Help me make an example of these girls and I'll forgive all transgressions on my property.

"As you can see deer, VK, these gentlemen are just hardworking citizens of Mondstadh."

"Owner, if you would kindly stop jesting around and step out of the way."

"So, you don't believe me, VK?"

"And whose VK anyways?"

"Here just you watch… Let's see, you with the butt tattoo." I called.

"Uhm… that's a peach tattoo, dude— I mean my lord!"

"Yeah that, my boots are full of sand, clean them."

"But we're on a beach my lord…"

I gave the protestant commoner a 'honorable' look. The commoner promptly snatched one of his acquaintances mask and dropped down to clean a beach-full of sand off my boots.

"Ah, all this walking has left me feeling parched. Some tea would be nice."

One of the commoners rushes to prepare some tea.

"You over there, what fairy told you I wanted to smell your armpits?"

"Apologies my lord! Is my fault for not bathing regularly!"

"You there, haven't you heard about a razor blade? Shave your stupid head— how will you compensate me if your greasy hair gets in my tea?"

"Eh!? But I like my hair sir— I mean I'm really sorry my lord! I'll shave it right away!!" The commoner was handed a blade, a bucket of water and some wiped cream which he promptly got down to use.

"And the rest of you, why are my things still not in the boat? Seriously get a grip and do what… I dunno, you get paid for."

The commoners all busied themselves carrying my stuff back inside my boat.

"Is it wrong for me to call you filth?"

"Of course not my lord! Is true we are filthy!"

"See deer? Do you see what I mean now? This is just the way normal people should behave in the presence of nobility. It is not normal for peasants to threaten nobility with incarceration or anvils." I explained.

I could see the insult drawn on her face as she watched this perfectly normal but maybe a little staged scene.

"You over there, does the way I'm treating you and your friends offends you, or does it inspires respect and honor?"

"With all due respect my lord! If it wasn't for people like you I would feel bad getting up in the morning to do my job! Is knowing people like you exist in this world what drives me to be who I am today!" The commoner said, wholeheartedly.

"Do you see deer? We aristocracy are the drive of the common folk, he says. Whiteout us to set the example, men like him couldn't find the will to do their jobs."

"Hey boss, we found a rat over here!" One of the peasants called.

He brought a flimsy looking boy in a bard costume.

"Wait, listen to me, it was a dragon who drank the wine keg… Ah! Is the kind man who paid me to prank his friend!" This bard said as he looked at me with starry eyes.

"Who even are you brat? Shoo, get out of here, the adults are working." I waved for my workers to toss him away.

He sounds like he knows me, but when did I even met him?

After a few more minutes of work and I-was-right flexes, the men all reported back to me and my party.

"Excellent work my men. It is hard working peasants like you that make this world a better place, and let nobody tell you otherwise. Now go home and sleep in yours flea ridden beds with your 2/10 wives and rest well, for this world needs men like you, willing to suffer so others like me don't have to." I gave a most encouraging speech.

It was so touching and heartfelt that some men even began to cry inconsolably.

The men started walking around me as they where to leave, but then something strange happened, their path was cut short by the deer and VK.

"Mister owner, I'm afraid I can't just turn a blind eye to a band of organized criminals under my legislation. So if you don't mind waiting here a few hours so I can take these men back to HQ, I'll be right with you."

"I can't believe you had the gall to make us sit trough that sorry circus act. Seriously birdbrain, get a grip, we aren't stupid."

"This was a tremendous waste of time."

"Oh just you watch, he's about to do something even stupider, the stars have foretold." I heard.

Seems like my merry band didn't believe in my little theater act. Therefore I stepped in to defend my honor.

"Oh my, what kind of 'land of freedom' is this where men are arrested even when proven innocent?" To the relief of the criminals, I stepped in on their defense.

I don't seriously give a vishap ass if they get arrested or not, but if they did I would look stupid after everything I said and my honor ain't having it.

"Owner, I would like you to know that interfering with an arrest, is punishable with another arrest."

"And helping criminals is also punishable with arrest. Now dofus, I want you to think long and hard about what you're about to say next and ask yourself this. Is this charade worth you going down as their accomplice?" The deer corners me.

Archon damnit all! These girls where waiting for me to make a fool of myself only so they could corner me against the wall in the end!

Darn it! And I can't even wing it because I heard Meg's prediction and I know for a fact they will go trough with their word and arrest me right here.

The criminals looked at me with pleading puppy eyes, as if they where begging me to stand by them.

No guys, I'm really sorry but you don't understand my situation. If I go to jail then I'm likely never leaving again, I know my deer.

Having swallowed my pride, I turned my back on the men.

"Nooo!"

"Boss, please don't leave us! Don't let us in the hands of that crazy Lawrence!"

"Whaaah, I let you call me so many names! I thought you where going to save me!"

"I wish you'd go bald, idiot!" One by one the men began voicing their frustration at me.

I'm sorry, but I have no choice. You don't understand but my circumstances are even worse.

I was ready to come out clean and confess, but then I heard a soft and malevolent whisper.

"How dishonorable." The unmistakably voice of a girl said.

For a moment I felt like the world stopped and I could see red. I turned around like the honorable samurai I was and…

"These men are innocent, and I shall vouch for them with all my honor!" I hollered.

The men where static to what they had heard.

Before me an Astrologer shrugged her shoulders, a captain held her head, a Yaksha rolled his eyes, and a— what the Shogun!!? Why is the deer looking so diabolical!!?

A red haired girl stared at me with a creeping grin of evil.

Five minutes later aboard the Foaming Grape.

"Welcome to this court of law and trials. On today case we got the acting judge of the court. The bard, Venti!"

"Hello everyone, please go easy on me." The bard who sold himself for cheap wine said.

"And as our jury today we gladly welcome the presence of, Adeptus Xiao and Astrologer Mona!"

"Can we just get this over with?"

"It was inevitable, but some people need to see in order to believe the works of destiny." The jury didn't seem too into this case for some reason.

As a last ditch attempt to save my hide, we agreed to have a court trial here before proceeding with the arrest of the criminals.

"And standing at the accuser stand while also working as the lawyer for his clients. Idiot Blank Brain!" Someone was feeling really insolent with her introductions today.

But if I could prove the criminals innocence, they would walk free, and most importantly…

"Serving as the bailiff of today case. Working hard to ensure the safety and orderly fashion of this trial while ALSO ensuring nobody gets away. Eula Lawrence!"

"Vengeance will be mine."

"Gyah!!!" The criminals behind my back freaked as VK threatened in good humor.

For her at least. I was biting at my nails because if I lost this case, I too would be arrested under accomplice charges, and my rival for this case was none other than…

"And as the prosecution. A humble servant." The girl spewing dark aura smiled.

'Enjoy Yanfei wrath for the rest of day,' those where Meg words.

I let my guard down, I completely let my guard down now that I had the deed to the boat in the palm of my hands.

With her being angry for thinking I've been partying all weekend, to me watching as she nearly gets eaten whiteout helping and now this innocent prank I played to defend my stance as noblesse.

I must've really pissed her. She must be out of this world pissed at me right now.

"Hu huh hu." She laughs creepily.

Her full jaildere aura was out, she's not thinking straight anymore. She's probably planning to arrest me right here and spend the rest of our lives with me stuck behind bars or something.

"Deer please, I'm sorry! You know I was just jesting right!? Please let's just put this all behind and continue with our adventure! I know you don't want to do this, this isn't like you!"

"It isn't like me…? What are you on about dofus? Do I seriously need to spell my name for you?" She asked.

With a big dark shadow cascading over her face and her soulless teal eyes she spelled for me.

" You. Are. Not. Fucking. Escaping. Imprisonment."

Part 7 Yanfei PoV

The stage was the deck of the Foaming Grape, sunset in the evening.

The stands built on crates of provisions and wine kegs for our upcoming journey.

Or should I say, what was our upcoming journey.

"Waahhhh, this isn't looking right at all! Boss do something!"

"Whaah! I wanna go home! My wife is actually a 6/10!"

"If I'm going to jail then I'm never getting to see another Barbara concert again! And I don't want that!" The bandits cried distraught.

"Keep it together men! Don't let that deer intimidate you! I am here! That smug girl has never beaten me in court and today won't be different! Together we'll make a stand in the name of freedom!" The birdbrain shout's.

If I didn't know him any better I would think he's the bandit leader. However, he's making a fatal error regarding our personal record.

The reasons I've never been able to incarcerate him before, has to do with his condition.

His handicap earns him certain privileges, and only by it does he gets away with being the jerk he is.

But here, today? No more. He's not standing trial for himself, he's doing it for someone else, only if he loses, he pays the price just like them.

His challenged brain condition won't save him now, it can't. His stupid honor and stubbornness to defend these bandits will drag him down a loooong house arrest with the only girl willing to volunteer. Me.

I once signed a contract to help him return to his homeland, but nowhere in there did it said I had to tolerate his criminal activity. Whoops, gotta love the fine print in my contracts.

And I love when all goes according to keikaku.

Now, let's watch him squirm one last time in resisting his inevitable arrest.

"Bailiffs Eula, i you would do the honors of bringing the codex." I gently asked of my partner.

Eula brought a codex containing the laws and legal legislatures of the city of Mondstadh. Something I purchased to kill time while this birdbrain was out partying the last vestiges of his freedom.

"Huh? What's that for?" He asked wondering.

"Have you forgotten the tradition? You must swear by that codex that in this court of law, you will respond with nothing but the truth when the prosecution asks." I politely explained him like I've done many times before.

"Oh that… sure, is not like me to lie anyways." He lied as naturally as he breathed. "Let's see… the Archon of this land is called…?"

"Barbatos." The judge answered.

"Oh right, thanks. I swear in the name of Barbarrios, that'll I'll say nothing but the truth, and the honest truth for as long as this trial last." Birdbrain finished with a mockery snort.

WOOSH.

A tremendous wind gust blew across the deck of the ship.

"Eep!" I squeaked in surprise.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" Cried dofus as the wind gust sent him flying overboard.

"BOSS!!!" The bandits shout alarmed whilst their boss made a splash in the salt waters of the Falcon Coast.

Three minutes later the soaked idiot managed to climb aboard with an starfish on his hair.

"What in abyss was that for you stupid bard!?" He shouted enraged at the judge.

Huh? I knew that wind gust was unnatural but I never noticed it was the bard who did it.

"Ehe, sorry there nice guy. I once read this story where lawyers and court officers will get blown away by strong winds for dramatic effects, and I wanted to try it. I hope you don't mind if we make this game a little more entertaining, do you?" The drunk bard stuck his tongue out mischievously.

Birdbrain looked red like a volcano. His temperature rising so much that the starfish jumped out his head before it got cooked.

The fool managed to regain his composure and addressed the judge.

"Oh, is that so, never mind then your honor. I hope my detriment has been to your entertainment." I saw him swallowing his honor for once in his life.

Aw, how delightful. This case is off to a great start. Now let's get going with making him squirm.

"And now that everyone has gathered here today. Commence!" The judge signaled for us to begin questioning.

"Lawyer Simp Bad, is it true that your clients found themselves working on preparing your ship, the Foaming Grape, for yours prompt departure?" I pressed.

"That is correct, deer."

"Mr Simp Bad, please refer to myself by proper name during the ruling of this trial."

"I honorably refuse, deer." As usual, this idiot refuses to call me by name.

Not that I mind, I know that's how he shows affection.

"Very well then, shamurai. In accordance with your previous statement, the prosecution would like your clients to name their employer." I asked.

Just the first question and I could already see the unrest building amongst the bandits.

"You over there with the shaved head, would you like to answer the question presented by the prosecution?" I pressed one of the bandits.

"Ehm… y-yes of course! W-we work for…" The man staggered to find the words.

This could very well be the easiest case of my entire career.

"Hold it!" The soaked dofus shouts.

He had his index finger pointing straight at me.

"Prosecution, please deter from speaking to my clients whiteout my permission. As their defense I shall answer any questions directed at my clients."

"Oh, what a surprise, so you do remember how this dance goes, dofus. Very well, answers please." I gave the idiot my most pretties of smiles.

He snorted in defiance.

"Of course, deer, these men here are servants of master Diluc Ragnvindr, house Ragnvindr. I carry with me the deed of this ship, and it says in clear print the name of the previous owner, who has passed ownership to me. And the date of passing is clearly written as today, hence the presence of these men here to prepare everything for me." Birdbrain counters.

Not that I'm much surprised. This was my easiest assault yet, merely a test to see if the idiot remembers how to defend himself in court.

However.

"That is still nothing but word by mouth. I see no document here which ascertains the names of any of these individuals as house Ragnvindr workers." Then I graciously turned to the jury. "Therefore given the evidence, the prosecution would like to hear the jury's opinion on the matter. Do you believe mr Bad is telling the truth in his statement?" Check fool.

Mona and Xiao, both feeling very impatient and well aware of everything going on with this charade. No way they're going to defend your case.

Mona was the first to break the silence.

"Just give yourself up so we can go home, Innamorato. The power to see the future isn't just for show, you lose. And besides, you know Yanfei will start to feel bad in just a couple weeks." Mona said.

Huh? Does she thinks I'm going to release the dofus in just two weeks? I'm hoping to never let him see the light of the day after I win this case.

"Just accept your fate and be arrested, this is getting tiring." Mona comments.

Seeing their boss be cornered like that, the bandits started to freak out.

"Boss this isn't looking good!"

"What are we going to do!? That girl said she could see the future, and we lose!"

"I don't want to rot in jail! How I'm I supposed to touch grass inside a jail cell!?" The bandits bawled their eyes out.

Their silent boss was getting shaked like a smoothie in their desperation.

With a rarely serious face, the idiot pulled out an envelope from his haori and held it up high.

WOOSH.

A strong wind blew against Mona.

"Aaahhh, my hat, my hat is going to get blow away… wait! That envelope is…!" Mona cried from the turbulence of the winds.

An envelope reading 'Meg's weekly salary' now rested in between the birdbrain fingers.

"Men, I just realized I haven't paid you any tips for the excellent work you did, but let me fix that right now… Here." With a swipe of his fingers, two more envelopes appeared behind the first one he showed.

The idiot stuck his hand inside one and in a very sadistic manner, tossed tens of thousand Mora across the air.

"By Barbatos! So much Mora!"

"Boss you're the best!"

"Yippee! I'm rich! I'm rich!" The bandits now seemed elated.

But there was a person who clearly wasn't finding this funny.

"What in all of Celestia do you think you're doing Innamorato!? That money is mine!" Mona cried tearfully.

That damn sadistic shamurai!

We made a non-written agreement to pay Mona a salary for coming with us in our journey, and now he's trying to take advantage of it.

"Hold it right there!" I decided it was time to intervene.

I know what that jerk is doing, he's trying to buy off Mona with Mora.

"Your honor, I demand actions to be taken against the defense immediately. He's trying to bribe or at the very least threaten the jury!" I accused.

"Hmm… defense attorney, is what the prosecution says, true?" The judge asked making a serious face, which coming from that strange and very drunk bard, looked more ridiculous than it was serious.

The idiot closed his eyes and shook his head dismissively.

"Negative your honor, I'm merely expending a little pocket change to reward my men. There is no written contract that says I owe that blue magician anything." The birdbrain stuck his hand inside another envelope and spread its contents across the air.

"Noooo! That is my pay, Innamorato please stop I'm begging you!" Mona cried even more.

That jerk! He knows Mona can see our futures but she's not allowed to see her future. So even if she thinks we will continue this adventure, she has no way of knowing if she'll received her pay next week or not.

"Once upon a time a wise man said, 'don't test a samurai's patience, booty witch.' And speaking of which, allow me to read that insolent girl fate. No pay for three weeks." And he tosses the final envelope.

"Nooooo! I'm sorry, I get it I get it but please stop…. hic." Mona did her best to hold back the tears. "You win, I believe in the defense attorney, waaaahhh!" And she gave up.

Curse that evil jerk! Why having so many crippling memory issues and he doesn't forgets how to be evil like this?

But I still have Xiao, and that shamurai has nothing he can use to get him on his side—

"Agh, this pain… this unyielding and uncontrollable pain in my left arm!" I heard cries of woes coming from the direction of the fool.

With a hand on his chest and an air of melodrama, he fell back in a trust fall, as if he had just fainted.

The bandits caught him falling and he rests his forearm over his forehead.

"Boss, what's the matter boss!?" Bandit.

"Pain, ohhh pain..." Birdbrain.

"It's it a fever!? Oh by Barbatos, he's burning!" Bandit.

"Fahrenheit, 104.4 and rising, guk..." Birdbrain.

"Hey, someone bring a wet towel here, this is serious!" One by one the bandits crowded around the drama queen.

I could see some standing around looking confused while others where elbowing them to play along. Have they already adapted to the way that fool operates?

"Cough, cough, cough. It is alright men, this is my just dues. For I was naïve to think I could do something, that I could carry fort my friend pain!" He jerked an index finger at the jury's stand.

WOOSH.

A big wind gust comes out of the judge stand and blows away the newspaper Xiao was using to hide himself.

The bard looked almost too happy to be messing with him. Almost as if he was teasing some old friend.

But Xiao looked really uncomfortable and was trying to avoid eye contact with the fool.

"But don't look oh friend! It was never my intention to make you grieve, FRIEND!!! All I wanted was to ease your burden, to show you, YOU WEREN'T ALONE IN THIS WORLD!!!" The clown pulled back his haori sleeve and loosens his bandages.

He showed a blackened arm with throbbing veins.

It really was a sore sight to see, but the way he's flaunting it like that really makes me want to pinch it.

And didn't Xiao said he used an adepti technique to numb the pain?

"Boss you… what happened to your arm!?"

"I couldn't stop myself, because my friend, agh… ugh…! My friend pain was worse!"

"What, impossible!" The melodrama continues.

Xiao was biting his lips, the feelings of guilt must be eating at him right now. I remember him looking mortified when the birdbrain collapsed. Even with his balance slipping from the stupor he still didn't waste a second to attend to the idiot.

Eula took a step towards the circus artists and placed a finger on her lips.

"Owner, please remember to keep quiet inside the court room." She invited order amongst the deck.

"How dare you! Have you no sympathy for our boss agony!?"

"Don't waste your breath on her partner, she's a Lawrence!"

"Of course it had to be a Lawrence! Don't you guys have a soul!? You monsters!" The bandits retaliated.

I could see Eula taking a step back. Even if she's used to this treatment, it is still wrong to put her trough this…

Eula… I'm sorry, I'm really sorry you had to stand being treated like this. This is all that imbecile fault!

He did have a way out of his predicament, I just didn't think he would stood so low as to try using it.

But I promise you one thing Eula, that fool's gonna pay for this! I'll make very sure of it myself.

Then the birdbrain caught me looking at him with contemplation. Pale as fish in the snow, he freaked out and began to cry like a pig in the gutter.

"Agh… ugh… ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, it hurts! Oh how much it hurts the pain is killing me! Friend listen to me— hey look at me damnit!!" Seems he was done pretending he wasn't fishing for Xiao's attention.

He really has no shame, hasn't he?

"Be honest, be just, I wouldn't want you worrying about me even if I end in jail or worse, the hands of the deer BECAUSE OF YOU!" He loudly spoken.

I need to shut him up and quick. I won't get the rights to custody if they think I have ulterior motives for his arrest.

I was about to object to his accusations when I heard someone shout.

"I believe in the defense!" A sharp cry cut trough the idiot wailings.

Xiao stood up, and with all of his gathered will he said.

"I believe… those men are indeed the workers they claim to be." He let out.

And with this, both members of the jury had now sided with the fool to thrown my accusations off.

I can't blame Xiao for this, even if he knows this was all a monkey show, he was feeling genuine guilt over what happened even before that baboon started edging him about it.

A loud ruckus erupted from the side of the defense.

"We won, boss we really won!"

"That creepy redhead didn't stand a chance against our leader!"

"All hail the aristocracy!"

"YEAAHHH!!!" The bandits erupted in cheers.

Amongst the middle of them stood a man who was carefully wrapping the bandages back around his arm.

He showed no sign that this so called 'pain' bothered him anymore. That jerk was looking almost too happy with himself, and it was really pissing me off.

"You, you should be ashamed of yourself! Threatening and guilt-tripping your own friends just to save your hide, have you no shame!?"

"Oh boo-hoo deer, cry me a river." He dares mock me.

The bandits gathered behind him like he was the boss of some crime agency.

"Did you seriously think you where going to arrest me here? Tell me, when has that worked out for you before? You, an uppity forest critter against the mighty samurai."

"SAMURAI!!!" The bandits shout.

"My name is Simp Bad. The first born of house Bad, and most honorable samurai in all of Teyvat."

"HONOR!!!"

"Know your place, you little cooking ingredient. Jail? Nah. I'm way too fly to partake in all that hate. I think my men and I will remain out here, free-vibing."

"FREE-VIBING!!!"

"Free-vibing, deer."

WOOSH.

"Ahm…!" A powerful wind current blew against me now.

I had to hold onto my hat so it wouldn't get blown away.

That was a terrible mistake I just made, thinking this was going to be easy. That evil jerk is too full of himself to make anything so simple.

But this case isn't over yet, I still have some things to throw at him.

Fighting against the strong wind current I jabbed a finger in the direction of the idiot.

"If those men are truly workers of house Ragnvindr, then explain why they would need to wear face masks and bring shovels with them!?" Immediately following my question the wind gust changes direction and sent the idiot flying.

"The—aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!"

"BOSS!!!" The bandits cried as their leader went sea-vibing with a splash.

His was a short lived victory.

Part 8

Few minutes later the soaked fool managed to climb aboard once again.

"Leader, are you alright?" The bandits crowded around him.

They sure gotten chummy with him very quick. Is starting to piss me off. I don't need more bad influences trying drag him down the path of villainy.

The idiot stood wide eyed and soaked, didn't even made a sound in protest for being launched overboard again.

He took for the stand of the judge and grabbed his Anemo Vision.

"Eh… nice guy are you alright…? You're acting a little creepy…" The drunk bard seemed taken aback by his actions.

Birdbrain didn't mind him, he was too focused in checking the Vision.

It was then when Eula decided to intervene and pulled him off the bard.

"Owner, is something the matter? You didn't perhaps swallow salt water, didn't you…?" She asked with concern.

Birdbrain didn't respond to her, but rather he finally shook his head and quietly returned to the stand besides his minions.

I wonder what was it he saw in that bard that made him act so strangely?

Once he had arrived at his post he turned around and addressees.

"General Respiratory Protection for Employees and Workers." He uttered.

Huh?

"What, did you just said…?"

"Closed spaces tend to accumulate large amounts of dust which can cause damage to the lungs. For that reason, workers are required to wear masks in order to filter the air when sweeping in confined spaces such as mine's or commercial ships." He said.

He sounded so eloquent in his explanation that it managed to weird me out.

And just like me, the bandits jaws where left hanging after they heard him, but soon made a swift recovery and jumped in on his bandwagon.

"That's right redhead. We where just following health guidelines when we brought our masks here!"

"'Why they would need face masks,' she says. Of course because we care about our health!"

"I am asthmatic you know!"

"You ain't wanna mess with health insurance!"

"Some prosecutor you are! Have you never seen a health regulation case before!?"

"YEAH!!!" The bandits shout.

They sure get noisy the moment they feel like they're winning.

"Order in the courtroom!" The bard banged the gravel on the wine barrel that was his desk.

Nobody listened to him.

"Oh my, not going to listen to reason are we? Then I hope you're ready to face the full consequences." Eula threatens in good humor.

The ship deck got so quiet you could even hear the wind blowing.

But curse that idiot! He actually had a coherent thought inside that empty head of his!

I've seen cases from miners suing because their employers didn't provide respiratory masks for work and what he says is actually true.

"Aren't you supposed to be forgetful!? The heck you knew that from!?"

"I've honored a bunch of miners before. And it isn't like me to forget something so important as proper health guidelines." He said.

Today I realized that the mind and memory of this man will forever remain a mystery for the ages. Still he isn't out of the water just yet.

"Nice try birdbrain, but if you said they came here to sweep and clean, why would they need to bring shovels then?" I cornered him again.

Shovels are a trademark of Treasure Hoarders, which seem to be the type of bandit these guys are heading for.

The shamurai extended a hand and was served a cup of coffee by one of his minions.

"As you could see when we arrived, this ship was beached. Given topography and tide recession, it is sometimes necessary to dig a trench for the ship to be pushed back into the waters." He concluded and sipped from his coffee.

"What! How do you even know that!?"

"I've honored a bunch of sailors before." He said and left me glaring to sip from his coffee again.

Just how many fights has this jerk gotten himself into that I haven't heard about?

And of course the bandits couldn't keep quiet about it.

"Take that you creepy redhead, our chief knows everything!"

"The heck where you expecting us to do whiteout these shovels!? Fly the ship?!"

"Ya think I was gonna fight with a shovel? Who even does that!?"

"I'm getting an ulcer from all these accusations!"

"I'm so offended that when I'll I get home I'm beating my wife just because she looks a little like you!"

"This is the land of freedom!"

"YEAH!!!" The bandits got noisy once again.

"Gentlemen, keep quiet before I'll have to silence you forever. Kindly." And Eula threatens them once again to stay quiet.

But this time they where too riled up to listen.

"You wish Lawrence! We don't have to fear the likes of you so long as we have the boss around!"

"Yeah, you and that redhead can drown for all I care!"

"You wanted to see me use this shovel? I'll bury you two with it just you watch!"

"We'll teach you to respect house Vigrandi— whatever workers!"

"YEAH!!! YEAH!!!" The bandits where starting to get out of control.

They started acting so threatening that Eula had to draw her claymore.

I was preparing for things to go south when I saw the idiot turning around and facing his lackeys.

"Men, do you see that deer over there? Touch her and I'll make it so your blood takes form and moonwalks out of yours flesh." The birdbrain threatens in gory detail.

The bandits went pale like they had gained three decades from his words alone.

I'll give it to him, he sure knows how to shut people up, quickly.

The shamurai then turned back to me with a plastered smile.

"Well deer, are we ready to be admit defeat or do I need to keep reminding you your place in the food chain?" He mocks me.

WOOSH.

"Guh…" There was that dramatic wind effect again.

Dofus stood with his chin sticking up and his smile went ear to ear in the most jerkish manner I've ever seen it before.

Very well idiot, no more games, let's see how you come out of this one.

"Yes, just one more mr attorney. The prosecution would like to request a search of each individual worker. There's a chance they're carrying around an item called 'Treasure Hoarders Insignia,' which might indicate their real profession." I cordially issued a search.

I was skeptical to make this connection before because I wasn't sure of how the Treasure Hoarders activity fares here in Mondstadh.

Had I demanded a search whiteout being sure of who they affiliated with, I might have turned out with nothing and then the idiot would have a excuse to turn me down had I asked to search for something else later.

I needed to narrow down my suspicions before I could take action or else I might not have the right to demand a second time.

But it is now all or nothing. At least I know shovels are characteristic of treasure hoarders. This has to be it.

The idiot looked at me strangely before he turned around to his lackeys. They formed a circle and started to discuss something in whispers.

"What does she…" I couldn't make everything they where saying.

"About that… and because we… is kind of how we…" One of the bandits whispers.

Moments later I heard a sudden spike in volume.

"WHAT!!!"

"We're sorry boss!"

"Are you guys imbeciles!!?" The jerk seemed furious.

"It wasn't our choice, there's has to be some way to identify each other's!"

"Use a fricking password!! A code!! Handshake!! Anything but this!!" Oh he was furious alright.

I brings a smile to my face, seeing him so riled up.

"Mr attorney, please we don't have all day." I hurried, whilst signaling Eula to prepare for searching.

The fool turned his back and started panicking. I could almost see metal bars reflected in his pupils.

He and his men backpedaled as Eula approaches.

"Oh what a pleasant surprise owner. It would seem vengeance was indeed meant to be mine." She seemed elated by this turn of events.

She must've been waiting for the moment she could get revenge on the idiot.

The idiot in question was looking all over the place for something he could use. He looked at Eula approaching, he looked at the jury seats which avoided his gaze, he looked at the water behind but he still needs this ship so he can't just make his escape, he looked at the bard and he was downing a barrel of wine, he looked a me finally and I courteously smiled.

It seem like this'll be Check Mate, fool.

After everything failed, the fool lowered his gaze in pensive, then with a strange look I rarely see him make, he calls out to me.

"Deer we had a deal, and you lied to me! You said you'd do everything in your power to help me get back to my homeland, yet here you are just turning on me at the first chance you get!!" He screamed at me.

Ah, I see what this is now. He's lost so he's got to be an immature arse about it.

"You can save your accusations for someone who cares, fool. I warned I wasn't going to tolerate you committing crimes!! And you have the audacity to blame me for the hole you dug yourself into!? Don't make me laugh!!" And I angrily screamed back at him.

There's nothing for me to feel sorry about. If I let him go he will really fight the Electro Archon.

"You think is funny doing this to me!? How long do you think I've been waiting to correct my mistakes, and now that I'm finally about to do it you want to stop me!?"

"You think this is easy for me!? After a whole year and all you want is to run back to a thankless death at the hands of that woman! Do you seriously think YOU can defeat a GOD!!? That all this won't end exactly the way everyone knows it will!!?" I snapped back.

If only I could convince him to let go…

….. No, I don't need to convince him to stay. I can make him!

"Simp Bad, for the crimes of covering for, working together with criminals and lying in court, I shall see your arrest today, and as for your stupid martyr quest. You'll first have to get trough me!!!"

The moment I declared I heard the sound of a strong wind gale forming.

The drunk judge was about to blast that stupid idiot again for dramatic effect.

But the moment the wind was about to hit, he extended a hand and blocked it.

"Huh?" The bard looked confused.

Sheltering behind a sort of force field the idiot stood resisting the wind blast with relative ease.

His lackeys though.

"Boss!! Let yourself go— the wind is starting to come this way!"

"I'm getting blown away!"

"Aaaaahhhhh!" As usual these bandits where noisy.

Because birdbrain was basically forcing to wind funnel to break and spread around him, they now found themselves on the receiving end.

"Oh, is that a challenge I see, nice guy." The bard unleashed a disastrous level of Anemo energy.

It was so potent that the ship was tilting even when beached.

"Kyaaa!" I couldn't help a scream.

The fool and the bard continued their clash as more and more of the Treasure Hoarders get blown away to the sea.

"Wait I'm afraid of heights!"

"And I can't swim!"

"Let me in! Boss let me innnn!" One by one they flew off.

The confrontation between the bard Anemo and the fools shield continued.

Even I could feel the tremendous amount of power coming from the bard now.

Just who is he? And how is that shamurai still holding on…

Wait.

He isn't facing the bard, he's looking behind his back… at the bandits… It looks like he's counting them for when the last…!

"Your honor please stop! He's using you!" I called out at the bard.

I managed to divert his attention for a moment and the winds stopped, but just in time when the last of the criminals was blown away.

All except their leader, who now stood silently and sticking his hands inside his sleeves.

This… this can't be what I think it is.

Five minutes later the last of the bandits climbed aboard. Eula had to freeze and pick up some who tried to swim away.

When the last of them was cornered the search began.

"Now let's see here."

"Gyah! That part is sensitive." One of the criminals complained.

Eula gave the man a through search, but found no sign of the insignias of the Treasure Hoarders.

"Strange…" She went on to the next guy.

Then the next, and the next, and the moment the fourth guy turn came she stripped him bare.

"Wait I-a… I can explain! I swear it's just the water was cold!"

"Nothing on this one either… alright then." She took off her gauntlet and adjusted a latex glove." Turn around and place your hands on the mainmast for me." Eula commanded and the latex glove made a snapping sound.

I couldn't keep quiet anymore and ran for the edge of the ship, sticking my head out so I could see the shallow waves that caressed the hull of the ship.

For a moment there I saw something shining under the water.

"Don't bother." Someone called to me.

I turned around to see someone I'm feeling really angry at right now.

"If you can't find any evidence in my clients possession, then it isn't valid. But if you think you're going to find something underwater, I'll have to ask our jury's if they think that kind of evidence is even acceptable." He said.

I turned around and looked at Xiao and Mona, but they avoided making eye contact.

He wasn't having an immature fit just because he was cornered against the wall, he was trying to use me to get to the judge, and then use him to buy his men the moment they needed to discard the evidence, which they where bright enough to seize the opportunity.

I can't believe I let my emotions get the best of me, and lost to this fool in court once again.

I hate this man so much… And I hate the way I'm feeling right now.

Part 9

Wails of defeat and confusion could be heard aboard the Foaming Grape.

"This isn't how it is supposed to be!" They where coming from Mona.

According to her and destiny it would seem, the idiot was supposed to lose and go to jail right here, but he inexplicably won.

"How is this even possible!? No, this has to be impossible! Innamorato tell me, how did you do this!?"

"It is with great honor that I stand here today, Meg."

"Noooooo! This can't be, this can't be, this can't be, this can't beeee! Whaaaahh!" She had his haori sleeve soaked in tears and boogers.

As usual that idiot knows nothing but how to make her cry.

Still, did he really defy his destiny just now? But how?

"Cheater! You must've cheated somehow! Otherwise everything I known all my life has been a lie!"

The birdbrain walked away and left her to her own device. He was carrying a small barrel of wine to the judge who was sitting on the handrail near the poop of the ship, looking at the waves and the setting sun.

"This is for you." He told the bard.

Wait, he's giving that bard who did nothing but sent him splashing, a present?

Wait, was he in cahoots with the judge this whole time!?

"Woah, this is the really expensive stuff, nice guy you're so kind." The bard seemed overjoyed with his present.

"It's to simply pay you back for your help. I'm not sure why, but I feel like I couldn't have done this whiteout you." He told.

The bard showed him a cheeky a smile and happily received the barrel of wine. But after he took it off the idiot hands, one of them outstretched and aimed at said happy bard.

"And this is payback for my honor you clown. Pēpāburasuto." I heard him uttering.

A loud deafening boom echoed across the deck, causing a shockwave to explode and then implode back to the palm of his hand, before exploding against the bard.

"Eheeeeeeeeee!!!" The bard was sent flying until he became a star over the horizon—

"Did you just killed that poor bard!!?" I was left flabbergasted by his actions.

He just won his freedom and went straight to commit murder.

Seriously what is this man thinking!?

I was livid, but he instead waved at me boorishly.

"Don't worry about it, I doubt something like that is enough to kill someone like him." He said and left for the main deck where the others had started to look alarmed at the sudden boom that occurred.

I don't know what he means but there was something really strange about that bard… Maybe he's right and the bard is fine?

I followed after him and we returned to the others near the center of the ship.

There we found we had three quest waiting for us.

"Oh partner, long time no see." A man of dark skin and an eyepatch saluted.

Besides him was a blond girl in lavishly decorated uniform and a white haired teen who seemed to be wearing rags.

The bandits where edging away from them as much as possible.

Birdbrain approaches the man who saluted him and asked.

"Who are you?" Is nice to see for this at least he's as bit as predictable as he's ever been.

"Ahahaha… I can never get tired of meeting you again, partner… But let's just say I helped you acquire the ship you're standing on right now."

"I see, and what brings you here?" The idiot cut straight to the chase.

"Allow me to explain in his behalf." The blond girl said.

She shows a vodka bottle and a message which I assume, once found itself inside of it.

"We where able to acquire these news thanks to Razor." She said pointing at the rag wearing boy." And I think this message concerns everyone present." She said and showed the note to birdbrain.

He walked right next to her and received it from her hands.

"Though I dare no guess the why's, this notes comes with three messages aimed at three different groups. The first one is Razor, the second one seems to be for the Knights of Favonius, and the third one could be you, Kaeya had informed me." She said, pointing at the man with the eyepatch besides her.

I walked behind the fool and stood on my tiptoe's to see what it read on the note.

'Blond girl and flying creature in grave danger, seek Lisa.' That was the first message before it broke off from the sentence.

'Your dear honorary knight is in trouble. A monster god guarding the waters around Inuzuma has her trapped. Seek the blond samurai from Inuzuma for help.' The second message reads.

And then there was the final note aimed at who I can only assume was the idiot.

'Is dangerous to go alone, take this good boy with you.' That was all the message said.

The blond girl and the flying creature… wait that has to be Lumine!

"What an ugly spelling. It looks like a witch wrote it." The idiot then moves on to check Razor. "So this kid has a Vision huh…" He looked pensive.

Razor looked up to him, before he started smelling birdbrain.

"You… passed trial… you strong."

"Huh, trial?" The shamurai doesn't seems to know what he's talking about.

"Help me… save friend. Razor can fight too." He said.

By the content of that letter and my memory of the Alcor leaving for Inuzuma, this boy must be one of Lumine friends.

He sounds like he has some trouble articulating words… but he really seems like a good boy.

"Is alright Razor, you can come with us, and Lumine is my friend too. We'll save her together." I assured him.

He turned to look and me and… started smelling me…

Sniffs* "… Food…? Food…? Food!" He declares me, food.

"Eek!" I reasonably took a step away from him.

I don't know what it is but I felt strangely scared of him for a moment.

The birdbrain placed a hand on Razors hoodie and ruffles it.

"I like this kid, and he has a Vision too… Very well, he can come with us." He said.

Razor besides him looked relieved. As if he was anxious about not being able to come and help us rescue Lumine.

With the party for our upcoming journey finally gathered up, we made some small chat with the knights of Favonius and prepared the boat to set sail for Inuzuma.

Then it came time for everyone else to leave.

"Boss we love you!"

"Is people like you that drive me to get up the bed every morning and make this world a better place!"

"We're ready to turn on a new leaf. And it's all thanks to you boss!"

"BOSS!!!" The bandits got emotional and began to cry as they depart.

Good riddance, I don't want any bad influences sticking around him.

For his part the dofus just stood looking at the dusk sky, his back facing the reformed bandits.

He just waved a hand and that was enough to sent them into a fan girl frenzy as they finally left.

"Damn you Dilu, you literally own a wine industry and this is the strongest drink you stack me with? Is gonna take ages to forget this stupid day." The idiot was drinking away his memory's.

I feel a little bad for the reformed bandits now.

"Well partner, we'll be excusing ourselves too. Good luck with what lies ahead and remember, don't be a stranger." The eyepatch said before her and the blond girl left

Dofus turned around for a minute, but given the stupid face he was making I assume he forgot what he was thinking right away.

But that's normal when he's drunk.

I searched my pockets and walked up to him.

If I can't stop him, the least I can do is help him.

I tossed him a bag full of origamis I made.

"There, Mona told me you had ran out of those." I smiled as I said to him.

Back when he collapsed Mona asked me for some time alone with him. Said she needed to talk something important. That if I wanted to help I could fold some origamis for him to use later.

Speaking of Mona.

"There's no way the stars can be wrong. Innamorato must have drugged me or cast an illusion on me that made me see the wrong future." She was back to normal it would seem.

"Time to pay back a certain god for messing with our friends. And enjoy some quality time with my princess too."

"Revenge for friend." Eula and Razor seemed to be focusing on the person we had to rescue.

Xiao has been standing at the crows next since the trial ended, but I know he must've heard what was being discussed down here.

"So, birdbrain, are you ready to begin this new stage of our adventure?"

"I am, I just don't see a reason why I should bring you along." He told me with severity.

Why does he always has to be like this?

"Because I will bonk the ever-loving sock out of you if you try to kick me out now."

"Try again deer, you know I can fold you like origami if I've ever wanted to." He responded.

"Haha, I guess you're not interested in playing around this time… Then in that case. I beg you to let me come with you."

"And I still say is dangerous. You know what Meg's said about the future."

"Psst, Mona. Yeah right, just look at her right now."

"Hey Yanfei! I heard that!"

"That is a whole different matter and you know it… I mean, aren't you even a little afraid?"

"Nope, I know when the time comes, you'll protect with your life. And if your destiny is to die at the end of this journey, then I want to die together with you." Is better we stop lying to ourselves.

I won't allow it. I won't allow him to leave me behind.

"So tell me Simp Bad, what are you so afraid off?" And I pressed him for an answer.

He stood looking at me, like he was trying to find the words that would convince me to turn around and head home.

Seeing him like that made me remember a little something.

"Do you still remember the song, the one you sang the first time you where arrested, in the day we met?" I asked.

But the way he turned his back on me said everything.

"I think it was called something like, In My Life, wasn't it? The one you said was all I needed to hear if I wanted to know you?" I said.

The sails dropped and the wind picked. There was no turning back now, not that anyone here would care of course.

That fool broke out laughing, guess he had never expected this would be my response.

It was funny for me too though, that after so long I would get to show that idiot a taste of his own medicine.

Having laughed our worries off, we came together to forget what's left behind and sing our worries away.

I started.

"In my life, there's no hero. I was told no risk would be worth it. But silly me, making the bad choices, has always been my cherry cake!" Y.

Together till the very end, as always.

"The pioneer of reckless dysfunction. Heedless, futile, I'm called the fools soul. The capricious insouciant hot-head. My life my greedy hoard of thrills. And why my health, I didn't mean to harm you, it's just your worries make me indifferent. Why'd my death stall, if my life has already begun. I'll throw caution to the wind, as I live by risk and demand." S.

"In my life, I was the hero. Nonessential casual but living the good life. As I have lived, bright like the sunlight, the life that cries and laughs to death." Y.

"In my life, I had some restrictions. No ears for guidance help or instructions. As I have lived, thoughtless and boastful. I told whoever cared for me." S.

"If you must." Y.

"Like you could." S.

""Try and stop me!"" SY.