Okay so I have to apologize for not writing in two months. Don't be mad! I have a baby and a job lol Real life just kind of kicks your butt sometimes. I also wanted to spread my story out enough so I wouldn't have to go into using the book like I had with my first Hobbit fanficiton. I want to let this one go through the movies so I will be spreading out updates. Then when December rolls around, I can start back up with putting htem out faster because we should only be waiting another 6 months for the last movie in the trilogy. :)
Any who! Let me know what you think! It's kind of a filler, but I am working on another chapter to put out this week!
I can just pretend it never happened. I never saw the dwarves. I didn't see them...Ugh. I shivered at the thought. Dwarves were awfully hairy. Far hairier than I would have imagined.
And then Fili. Oh dear...I would never get that out of my head. Why was I so stupid? I walked right into that and made no attempt to flee when I should have.
My fists were balled up at my sides in some form of frustration as I rushed down the corridor in a flurry of silk. The cold air was a terrible contrast to the heat within the bathing room. How I wish I could have bathed...I'd have to wait until morning.
I had turned a sharp corner when I heard my name from behind.
"Emma wait!" I stopped and poked my head around the corner to see who was calling for me.
Oh no. Fili was running down the hall with only his pants on. His wet feet padded loudly down that hall as he sprinted to keep up with me. He was still trying to tighten his belt as his pants barely stayed on in his rushed state.
I knew he saw me look at him, but I would be damned if I put myself in that same position again. Regardless of the pain that seared through my ribs, I ran down the hall to get to my room.
I thought for sure after he saw me running he would just leave me alone, but when I looked behind me I could see him still after me. As he passed a window, the moon light hit his face and I could see the anger in his eyes. He probably wasn't too thrilled that I made a dash for it instead of stopping to speak with him.
Fuck. Even if I made it to my room, he would probably bust down the door and scream at me for running. He had made a point once to scold me for running from danger and here I was doing it again.
I turned a corner and noticed a narrow hallway just to my right. I literally skidded to a halt just as I passed it. I looked down the darkened hall. It was a tad bit creepy, but when I heard Fili's feet slap against the stone much closer than I would have liked, I jumped into the hall and cautiously made my way down it. The hall led down to a door. It was large and made of what I could only assume was mahogany.
I put my hand on the handle and tried to push the door open, but it was locked. I let out an exasperated sigh as I hit my head against the very hard door.
"Ouch.." I rubbed my head. That was stupid. Now I was stuck in a dead end and my head hurt. Way to go Emma.
"Well, you run rather fast for a wounded woman..." I turned at Fili's voice with a gasp and pressed my back against the door.
"What do you want?" He ignored my questioned and grinned ear to ear.
He looked like he had won the most expensive prize in the world. It was nauseating. How could he stand there looking like that, knowing exactly what he was doing.
"I caught you." It was a statement that sent a shiver up my spine.
Not letting it get to me I started to clap slowly, mocking his victory. "Such a grand feat. You cornered a girl in a dark hall. Bravo." I was sure to muster as much sarcasm as I could in my expression, which clearly said, 'Way to go Moron.'
His grin turned into a mischievous smirk. A look that caused a wave of panic to course through my veins. I hated that. It always made me feel like something bad was about to happen. My face flushed as he took a bold step closer.
I didn't understand why he was doing this. Maybe the chase had brought out some for of animal nature that I didn't quite interpret...not did I want to. The only thing I knew was that that kind of chase could make a man do terrible things. I've ran before...and look where I ended up.
Fili took one more step toward me, forcing me to remove myself from the door and slip against the wall. I tried to slide passed him, but he put a well placed hand against the wall next to me, effectively keeping me from going anywhere.
The heat that reverberated off his body pulled a gasp from my trembling lips.
"Did you enjoy what you saw, lass?" It was a presumptuous remark. One that had me blushing and glaring at him instantly.
"I saw very little." I made sure to add extra emphasis to the 'little', hoping it would deter this ridiculous conversation from heading in a direction I was most certainly not ready for.
His nostrils flared at the insult. A bad move on my part. The adrenaline must have still been pumping from the chase, adding to the testosterone. It was a bomb waiting to go off.
I tensed as he brought a cautious hand to my face. He touched my cheek with a finger, the calloused appendage traced my cheekbone and delicately brushed down to my jaw. I let out a shaken breath as his index finger pressed firmly against my chin before his thumb join it to grasp my jaw, trapping my face in place.
"Little, is it?" This voice was daring, almost fooling me into doing exactly what he wanted. I wasn't sure what it was exactly he wanted...but I could have come up with a million scenarios. Not of which I was willing to oblige.
The entire time I had my eyes attached to his blue orbs. A storm brewed behind them, swirling and casting lightening across their clouded glaze. The same as I had seen before. He had successfully entrapped me in a gaze I feared I would not be released from.
I was unaware of how close he had become. When I remembered the icy cold stone of the wall on my back, I knew he had positioned himself well enough to block off any chance I would have of escape. There was no where I could go. Getting around him would be like trying to avoid a giant octopus. He had limbs everywhere, keeping me in place.
Before I could register what was happening, Fili pushed himself into me. I felt the pressure as his warm body pressed against my small one. He seemed so much bigger than me at that moment. I looked into his eyes as he looked down into my own. There was something there I couldn't quite put my finger on...but I could tell he knew exactly what it was.
Our chests rose in rhythm as we took in heavy, accelerated breaths, intermingling when we exhaled. He lowered his head a fraction of an inch and I flinched at the move. What was he doing?
His eyes searched my face, looking for something I could not comprehend. There was a flash in his eyes and it seemed as though he had found what he wanted.
I don't know how it happened, or even why, but his lips found mine.
Squeaking in surprise, my hands found his chest as I pushed lightly against him. It did little to discourage him and I soon found myself melting into the kiss. The way his lips brushed mine. The smell of his beard after it had been washed. It smelled of mint...and of spring. It tickled my nose and chin, pulling a giggled from my throat.
Something inside me was bursting with excitement. It was unpredictable and spontaneous. The last thing I would have expected was Fili kissing me in a dark hallway...especially after I had saw much more of his body than I was ready for. I had not thought of him like this. I mean, sure, there had been a few fleeting images, but nothing remotely close to this.
The excitement was starting to be overwhelmed by a feeling of foreboding. A little voice in the back of my head told me that this wasn't right. That I had to stop. Something about this was off...
Fili's mouth worked against my own. His hands slid down to my hips and with a firm thrusting of his own hips, he pushed a not so very small surprise again my pelvis. I let out a startled moan and tensed at the new sensation.
His hands moved from my hips as the ferocity of the kiss intensified. Our tongues were tangled in a fight for dominance, but we both knew who would win. It was, to me, an unfair fight. Fili was much stronger than I was.
As our bodies melded together, he had a brief moment to tear his mouth away from mine. He trailed his lips across my cheek and left soft kisses along my jawline. He made his way down my neck to the soft spot just at the base. Fili grazed his teeth against my flushed skin and I unwillingly let out a gasp.
He smirked against my skin. "Beautiful..." I heard him whisper into my neck. It was intensely intimate. So much so that I leaned into him, almost begging for more...I could have done so. I wasn't quite sure, but when Fili let out what seemed like a growl, there was something within the deep rumble that pulled me away from bliss.
The way he was acting. What he had said...
It was when he whispered that I was beautiful...the way he said it...
My eyes snapped open as panic took hold of me. My skin felt like it was growing cold with fear while flashes of memories invaded my sight.
"Beautiful...you are so beautiful, Emi." Mairon. He had said that...to me.
"How can you say that, Emma? You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Oliver had said that with a smirk. One that I didn't trust, but I let it go, just being happy that he thought I was pretty when I knew I was not.
"Still so beautiful...just as I left you." Sauron spoke those words as he sank his sharp teeth into my neck. I remembered screaming in agony.
All of them. They destroyed me. Broke me. I would never be the same because of what they had done. I was ruined. How could I forget the atrocities that had befallen my very spirit...
Simple. I couldn't.
"Fili, stop." My voice was soft, barely becoming words as I exhale.
Relenting didn't seem to be an option for him. He pulled me in closer, gripping me almost aggressively. Did he hear me? If so, he must have ignored it.
Tears began to form in my eyes, blurring my vision of the wall I was staring at. They fell from my swollen eyes as I tired to push against Fili. My small hands pushed hard against his rippling abs. They bunched up beneath my fingers in response. Why wouldn't he stop?
"Stop it, Fili." I spoke louder, putting stress into the anxiety in my tone.
It made no difference to him. He either didn't hear me or didn't care. Fili continued his assault on my neck, pushing his body against my arms that were desperately trying to move him away. He wasn't forceful, he just wouldn't release me. He kept me in place and did what he wanted.
Just like the others. They did what they wanted with me. I was given no choice. No chance at fighting back. Anger boiled beneath the surface. I was sick and tired of being used and thrown away. They were monsters. That's exactly what they were...and I'll be damned if it happened again.
"STOP!" With as much force as I could muster, I shoved Fili away.
Surprisingly, I had more strength than I had realized because he flew against the opposite wall about a foot off his bare feet. He fell to the ground ungracefully and looked up at me in shock and confusion. Though I was completely pissed off, I saw how bemused he was. It was like he didn't even know what was going on. Slowly and cautiously, he pulled himself to his feet, all the while keeping his eyes locked on mine. The dwarf kept against the wall on the opposite side of the hall.
We both stared at each other, trying to predict the other persons next move. My anger had simmered down enough to notice how out of place Fili seemed right now. This wasn't something I could see him doing...pushing himself on a girl in a dark hall.
"Why did you follow me?" The change of subject was an attempt to lighten the situation...while at the same time getting answers for his unruly behavior.
He said nothing, however. Only stared at me with melancholy. There was no anger from me pushing him away...and no excitement from almost consorting with me. Just an overwhelming sadness that I didn't quite understand. Fili looked down at his hands as though questioning himself. When I glanced at his hands, I saw they were trembling.
"Fili?" What was going on?
"Why did you run from me?" His voice was soft, but full of angst and disarray.
My eyebrows shot up. Did he seriously just ask me that question? I put a hand on my hip and gritted my teeth. What an asshole.
"Are you kidding me? Why the hell do you think I ran?"
My tone brought his face up to look at me. I didn't care how he felt now. Fuck him.
"Listen dwarf." I poked my finger into his chest and stepped closer. "How would you feel if you ran into a room full of women who were unclothed and..." Insert face-palm here. "Scratch that. Bottom line is- just because I saw you naked does not give you the right to suddenly make me your whore. I am not a bar maid who would open her legs for you willingly."
His face fell with what I assumed was sincere regret for his question. His cheeks flushed slightly, most likely because he remembered when I caught him with the bar maid in bree...still something I did not want to remember.
"I do not think you are a whore..." He brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck and let out a sigh.
I rolled my eyes and stepped away from him. When I turned my back on him and made to exit the hall, he grabbed my hand, stopping me in my tracks. I glanced back at him, looking from the hand that had grasped mine, to his face that was filled with urgency.
"I apologize, Miss Emma, for the way I acted...I am not myself."
I raised an eyebrow. He really looked like he was upset. What happened was a bittersweet situation. I liked Fili, I really did...just maybe not like that...and I certainly wasn't ready for any sort of relationship or whatever this was supposed to be.
But what really got me was the sudden change in his personality...and how scared I had become when in the midst of it. As I gazed upon him, the shadow on the wall shifted and began to sink into the hallway. It had taken me aback at first, but then it hit me. This wasn't like Fili at all...because he would never do something as disrespectful...not to me. He was far too honorable for that. This was something darker...something meant specifically for me.
Someone had been hunting me. It wasn't just the wargs anymore. It was psychological now. He had resorted to this. Sauron was after me and he wasn't going to let somewhere as fortified as Imladris stop him. There was no safety, even in the most practical of places. His powers were growing stronger. Sauron knew I was here and he was making it blatantly obvious for me to see that.
"Emma?" Fili glanced over his shoulder, saw nothing, and turned back to look at me like I was going crazy.
Fili's voice brought me out of my stare. I found his blue eyes once again. Clearing my throat, I straightened and reached out, putting my hand on his arm.
"Please, Fili...let us put this night behind us."
After a few awkward silent moments, he accepted the proposal with a heavy sigh and nodded. Neither of us wanted to discuss what had happened to anyone...
Because Fili didn't want to admit he had no control of himself, and I didn't want to admit I partially enjoyed it.
I turned away from him and started back down the narrow hall. I needed to get out of that small space as quick as I could. My legs only carried me to the open space of the large corridor. I sighed in relief. There was nothing more calming than getting out of a tight situation. Both figuratively and literally.
Trying to completely forget what had transpired, I made a step to head for my room. I was hoping sleep would numb me of this frustrating world.
"Emma.." Fili's voice stopped me in my tracks. What more could he want? It was enough that I was embarrassed and irritated about all of this. Now he had to keep calling me back?
I sighed and turned slightly, annoyed that I just couldn't get away. "Yes, Fili?"
He cleared his throat, with a blush, and pointed at me. I blinked in confusion and looked down at myself. Lo and behold, my robe was partially opened. From my leg, to the side of my hip, to my stomach, where my bandages were wrapped, and up my chest. My skin was exposed to the cold air. Things must have escalated much farther than I had originally assumed. Thankfully, nothing of great importance was uncovered.
With a loud gasp I grabbed my robe and closed it around my body, making sure to turn my back to the smirking dwarf who was probably enjoying every second of this. The bastard.
There was a small chuckle from behind me. I whirled around , glaring at him. He immediately stifled his amusement and looked away.
I sighed in frustration. I knew this wasn't his fault, but did he have to make this difficult? He obviously had no idea what was going on and yet he found entertainment in my suffering.
"I apologize...I should not have laughed." Fili rubbed the back of his neck. A nervous habit I would assume, since I had seen him do it before.
"Fili, please.." I was begging him. I needed him to forget this as much as I was about to. Pretending it never happened would be the best choice.
"Aye...I know. Goodnight, Miss Emma." Fili smiled sadly. It was hard to see him disappointed...but what was he so disappointed in? We didn't like each other. Not like that. The sexual tension had to be Sauron's doing. He was just projecting his own feelings into Fili...or so I hoped.
I gave him a fleeting smile and turned to head to my room. I had been walking for a few careful moments when I noticed there were no echoing footsteps from Fili. When I glanced over my shoulder, he was leaning against a window frame. His back was to the moonlight and his arms were crossed against his chest. He looked to be deep in thought. I let out a sigh and looked away.
By the time I had rounded a corner close to my room, I was already forgetting about the whole thing. There was no way I would let anyone know about this, so it would be best if I just forgot all about it.
I made it back to my room with little incident. The door opened silently and I stepped into the warmth of a room I had stayed in more than just this one time. It was obvious that I had been here many times before. Just like every thing else, it was familiar.
I leaned against the door that I had locked, for good measure, and let out another exasperated sigh. So. Here I was. I had almost died in my world, brought back to this time in some reincarnated body, and I was traveling with a group of dwarves on a quest I knew every move to. Oh and did I forget that I was also a lover to Sauron at one point? Did I miss anything? Yea a few things, but I was too tired to think about them.
I was overwhelmed.
More than I had ever been in my entire life. Yes, this was an extraordinary event that would cause that sort of reaction...but I was taking it better than I thought. I don't know why, but I was not at all surprised by the events that had unfolded. Maybe it was Emi telling me that this was all planned...that I was supposed to be here...I had no idea.
Which brings me to my next question. Who was I to be? Emi, the powerful goddess-like warrior...or was I to be Emma? Just Emma.
Inside my body I was fighting for some form of identity. I know Galadriel told me to be both, but how can one become two different people.
I looked to the balcony, seeing the moonlight grace it's presence within the space of my room. I stepped away from the door determined to find my answer. I made my way around the bed and weaved through a few tables, one of which had my food I had been promised. Don't think I didn't notice it. 'Cause I did. I just had other things on my mind.
Once I hit the balcony, the glow of the moon was hitting my skin. The feeling I got was one of happiness. Someone was looking down at me with smiling eyes. I knew it. My father and mother. Not the one's I left behind, if you could call them that. The parents I had spent thousands of years with. Yavanna and Aule.
Without thinking, I was raising an open hand to the sky. Letting them know I was here and I was safe. The wind picked up lightly and with it the leaves from a nearby tree came off, traveling with the invisible force. They moved passed me, a few brushing against my arm, before they settled to the ground below my balcony.
Was it strange that I was so happy? I knew they loved me...I could feel it in my very soul. I was their child...regardless of being only a reincarnation. The Ainur would always live, in spirit of course...until it had a body. I was that Ainur. The idea made me stronger. It made me confident.
I slowly let my arm fall back to my side. I was still looking at the sky with a smile.
"Until tomorrow." It was all I could say. The only thing I could think of.
Not wanting to stay up any longer, and knowing I would probably have a long day tomorrow, I made my way to my bed. There had been so much going on. I just needed sleep.
Especially now that my adrenaline of the evening had worn off. Running away from Fili was a terrible idea. My entire midsection was aching. I should have known better than to do something so idiotic. Oh, and finding myself against a wall making out with that very same dwarf probably didn't help much either.
The image of him pressed against me popped in my head without warning and my cheeks flared up with embarrassment. I let out a huff. This was becoming troublesome.
I was acting like some teenage school girl. We didn't even like each other.
I shook my head and removed all thoughts of Fili from my mind. He was the last person I needed to be thinking about. I had bigger problems then him.
Pulling off my robe, I let it drop in a pool of silk at my feet. The crisp night air hit me, almost shocking me back into the reality of the situation.
Getting into my bed and throwing the blankets over my naked form was like pulling a security blanket over me. I would leave this terribly embarrassing night behind and would fall into a peaceful sleep.
The moment my eyes closed, the exhaustion that exerted my energy won the battle. The dark took me. Where, exactly, it was taking me, I had no idea.
It was a complete abyss. Not one shred of light entered. I was alone and cowering in a corner of whatever place this was and I would never find my way out.
"There is no hope, little Emi. You can not leave me."
I knew the voice instantly. The dark echo made my heart beat quicken with fear. My eyes cracked open to see eyes of fire looking back at me through the black abyss.
Sauron. That bastard would never give up. I spoke out to him with as much courage as I could muster.
"You will never have me, you monster!"
His laughter filled the darkness. It startled me enough to huddle my back against something hard. Suddenly strong arms were wrapped around my body, trapping my arms to my sides. I felt the breath on my cheek before a chin rested on my shoulder.
I struggled for only a fraction of a second when a voice spoke next to my ear.
"But I already have you..." I froze. The voice was Fili.
"And I always will..." The voice changed to Kili.
"No matter where you run..." The huskiness of Thorin's voice caused a cold sweat from my skin as hot lips touched my earlobe.
"No matter where you hide..." It was Oliver's voice this time. The voice only a soft whisper.
"Even in death..." Elrond...
"I will have you..." The tender voice of Bilbo brought a cry from my throat. No one so gentle could speak so vile to anyone.
"And no one will take you from me!" Sauron came back full force, shoving me away from him.
I let out a surprised scream and my body fell. There was no ground to fall on. It felt like an eternity of dropping down into the empty darkness before I saw a face of fire rising from the darkness. I let out a scream as I descended closer to it. The face smirked and opened its wide mouth, flames shot from its insides to assault me.
My body was engulfed by the flames and within the fire I saw the monster who was torturing me in any way he could think of. Bringing me to the brink of insanity.
He gave me a tight grin and reached a hand out to grab me, most likely trying to do more damage to my already fragile mind...
Fear. It was the only emotion that ran coursed through my veins as his hand grabbed my arm.
Thunk!
"Oomph!" My eyes flew open.
I was certain I would see Sauron standing there ready to pounce on me. However, there was only the soft white décor of my room at Imladris. I was laying on my stomach with my face pressed against the cold marble flooring. The blankets I had been comfortably sleeping under were now wrapped tightly around my body, trying to suffocate me in my sleep.
With a groan I rolled onto my back. The motion had thankfully unraveled the blankets from my body, opening up to warm summer air to my skin. I closed my eyes and sighed in the relief that overwhelmed me. It had been a dream, albeit a rather terrifying and almost lifelike dream.
After pulling myself together, I had opened my eyes to the sounds of birds chirping outside my balcony and the leaves brushing against each other when the wind passed by.
The sun shined brightly on the white wash walls, telling me that it was well into the morning. I must have overslept. I sat up slowly, grunting at the stiffness of my back. It took a great deal of energy to pull myself to my feet. The nightmare had taken a toll on my wore down body. I knew there was strength hiding within this form, but when Sauron made himself known, all of that so called 'strength' went hiding into the deepest depths of my soul. That monster had a hold on me that kept me from fighting him. He knew me better than anyone else...he knew the secrets of my heart...because he had once been there.
I would never be free of him. Not yet anyway.
Holding the blankets to my naked form, I made my way over to the table and chair set in the corner of the room. Just as she remembered, someone had placed a dress there for her to wear for the day. It was a beautiful gown of gold. I gave a smile and reached for it. Beneath it was a chemise, white and light in weight. Most of the clothes worn by the elves were fairly weightless. What made me even more happy was the fact that it was all in my size.
Elrond. That was the only answer. All of these clothes must have been mine at one point. Though I could tell they had been altered to the fashion of this age. Putting the night behind me, I dressed into my new apparel and slipped on a pair of of long boots that were set in by the door. These must have been mine as well, because they were a perfect fit...and the feeling of wearing them was familiar.
The boots were a pale leather and pulled up just below my knee. The intricate design and pieces of some form of elven metal laced into it. A practical set of boots for an adventure...or battle. Finally, I had a good pair of boots that fit me like a glove.
Now that I had dressed for the day, I glanced down at the dress I was wearing.
….Drat. I looked like a princess wrapped in gold wrapping paper. I rolled my eyes. Elrond was doing a terrible job at hiding who I was from the others. Only someone of high nobility would wear something so outstanding.
I almost took it off, but when I caught a glimpse of myself in the far mirror, I saw a reflection of a tired, weak girl. I looked like I had not gotten any sleep at all. Like I was a homeless person just thrown into a nice dress. My hair was a frightful mess. My curls had decided to plaster themselves every which way and stick out in almost impossible angles.
"...Match well played. The dress stays on." I grabbed a rough comb from a small night table and walked toward the mirror.
Obviously it had eluded my memory that I had not been able to get into the hot springs beneath the waterfall. Due to rather embarrassing circumstances (*cough* naked dwarves *cough*), I was not allowed to bathe myself properly and fix the mess that was Emma.
Keeping the dress on would at least make me presentable. Even if I did look like a nest of rats were living in my hair. With careful precision, I pulled the comb through my thick hair. Let the pain begin.
It took what seemed like an hour before I had fully brushed out all the snarls. No joke. An hour. I don't know what kept me going, but it was the most painful experience of my life. I literally almost cut my hair off, if only to give me the briefest of reliefs.
Now that the rat nest was exterminated, the only thing I could think of was to bread it back. A french braid would hold it all back and hide the icky grease that had caused my hair such distress. Once I had pulled it around the front of my shoulder in all its splendor, I heard a creak at the door. I whipped my head around quickly to see the head of a very surprised Bilbo staring back at me.
"Bilbo.." I smiled at him and beckoned him inside.
I watched as he cleared his throat and took a few cautious steps my way, a fairly obvious blush on his face. Who could blame him? The dress fell into a V off my shoulders to my chest, just barely covering any cleavage and did the same in the back. I'm sure he had not seen so much skin on a woman in his life. Sure he had seen me in a tank top...but looking like a fairy princess...well that was apparently a whole other matter completely.
I gave him a small giggle and stood from the chair I had been using while I brushed my hair out. "Bilbo, it's not like you to be so evasive. What is the matter?"
Bilbo laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "You just look...so um...pretty...that is...not that you don't always look pretty...it's just that you look particularly pretty on this day...I mean.."
A small laugh escaped my lips. He was beating himself up trying to find the right words to describe my appearance.
"Please, no more. Your flattery is too much." It was hard holding back the laughter that was bubbling inside me. He was really very cute when he was embarrassed.
"Right. Yes. Well, uh...the reason I came to see you was to, well I thought, perhaps I could...escort you to lunch?" The hobbit was looking more and more flustered by the situation. He must not have expected me to be so 'dolled-up'.
"Of course. I would love that...although I am a little disappointed no one came to get me for breakfast. That is my favorite meal of the day." I was teasing him, but it was obvious he took it to heart.
As we walked out of the bedroom together, he was stayed silent. Strange...Had the comment really hurt his feelings?
The walk was fairly uneventful, until we came upon some elves standing in the corridor in front of us. The moment they spotted Bilbo, and more importantly, me, they stopped talking and moved out of the way. Each one bowed as I passed by, which was probably the strangest feeling...I felt used to it, but it was also new to me.
Bilbo stared at the elves as the continued to bow as we passed. Once we took a turn to head towards the outside dining hall, he turned to me.
"Wonder what that was all about..."
"It's the dress. It's so beautiful, they must think I'm some sort of royalty." I said it with a roll of my eyes and a sarcastic tone, but I knew it wasn't a lie.
They did think I was royalty...and being the daughter of the any Valar meant you are royalty. Thankfully Bilbo didn't think too much into it and nodded in agreement.
"I wouldn't blame them. You do look quite fetching in it..." When I glanced down at him, he was smiling from ear to ear.
I stopped walking and put my hands on my hips with a playful smirk."My, my, you are becoming quite the bold little hobbit. Are you trying to woo me, Mr. Baggins?"
It was an attempt to see him blush again, but he only waved his hand at me and kept going. Most likely showing that he would not give into me or just to hide the blush to give me any satisfaction of making him uncomfortable. I was assuming the latter.
Not wanting to fall too far behind, I picked up my dress and jogged back to his side. We both walked the remainder of the way in simple silence. The doors to the dining hall came into view and with it brought apprehension. I was unsure how I would react to seeing Fili. Not to mention I would have to let Gandalf know about last night...he was the only person I would ever consider telling. Sauron was a concern we both shared and he would need to know.
I let out a small sigh and placed my hands on the door to open it, but Bilbo was way ahead of me. He swung the door open and held it for me. The quick gesture startled me, as I was not expecting it, but I was more startled that I didn't get the time I needed to open the door and face Fili when I was ready to. The little hobbit took away my chance to work up the courage.
Aule only knows I would have liked nothing better than to hide in my room for the rest of the day.
Thankfully, Aule must have heard my woes, because the area was strangely absent of the group of dwarves I was so used to hearing. I had not seen them since the night before...and even then it was only briefly...Yea, we wont get into that.
I shook the image of their naked dwarfish bodies from my head and stepped into the room. There was a long table with food set upon it, while on a small raised balcony was Gandalf sitting at another table, seemingly waiting for me.
"I'll leave you to it then..." I head Bilbo whisper behind me as he began to shut the door.
Confusion laced my expression as I twisted around to look at Bilbo, who was leaving me to deal with the wizard by myself. What was going on? The sudden sadness and pity in his eyes told me more than I wanted to know.
Bloody hell. This was a set up! They knew and Gandalf had asked Bilbo to bring me here. Son of a-
"Emma. Please come in. Have a seat and one of the servants will bring you something to eat." Gandalf was sitting on his chair with a kind smile on his face...but I knew it was all business today.
With a roll of my eyes, I walked rather unlady-like to the table and plopped down in my seat. "I suppose I don't really have a choice."
I gave him a tight glare when he said nothing. He only watched me with that same smile while the elves prepared a plate for me. Once it was set in front of me with a glass of water to accompany it, Gandalf waved his hand and the dwarves bowed out of the room.
We stared at each other. The tension of this situation starting to cloud my mind with anger and resentment. Why the hell would Fili tell anyone about this when I specifically told him to not say a damn word. Fucking dwarf.
"I know you must be upset...especially after what has occurred, but I must inform you that Fili only came to me out of concern." He cleared his throat with a small smirk. "Of course, the black eye and his rather upset brother must have swayed his decision, but it was all in good reason."
"He told Kili!?" Oh Aule. Now I was mortified.
Gandalf's attitude about this whole mess was making this worse for me. He chuckled at my reaction and took a drink of his water.
"Fili was frightened, Emma. He has never encounter dark forces, so he was afraid for the safety of his companions. It is only natural that he would confide in his brother...now I can only assume that you understand what had happened."
I gave him a nod. This was more than embarrassing. I felt the heat on my cheeks and could tell I was blushing. "Yes, I know what it was...Sau-"
"Do not speak his name...not here...not yet." Gandalf was grave all of a sudden. The dark undertone of what had occurred was not something to take likely.
Not looking at him, I nodded again.
"I will bring this up when I meet with Elrond about it in a few days. Perhaps with this new occurrence, he will come to understand my worries." Gandalf placed a gentle hand on my arm, forcing me to look at him. "Do not fret, Emma. This is not your fault."
"Gandalf...how was he able to do that? How could he influence a dwarf? They are not susceptible to darkness...right?"
"It is very hard for a dwarf to be so heavily influenced...but I believe Fili's feelings for you are what is triggering whatever force he has control the dwarf. You must tread carefully, Emma. I do not wish to see you fall into-"
I narrowed my eyes and swatted his hand away. "Are you suggesting that I would give into him!?"
"I am only saying that your state of mind is fragile and if he-" Gandalf was starting to piss me off. How could he even think I would do something like that? Turn my back on them to side with the darkness was absolutely appauling.
I stood quickly, cutting him off again. "When you found me, I was already in the dark! I have travelled with all of you like some pathetic victim and I have fought my way back to where I am. It has been the toughest, most frustrating thing I have ever had to deal with!" My hands clenched tight and I closed my eyes to calm myself.
Gandalf was taken aback by my outburst, but what he was suggesting...that bastard. He thought I was as weak as a mere human girl.
Lowering my voice, I spoke again. "Now that I know who I am...what I have done. I will never let that monster take what he can not have."
Gandalf and I locked eyes. He seemed to understand what I had come to believe. I was no longer the same meek, scared girl he had found in the Shire. I had been battered, raped, and had just killed a man. I was far from that now. I knew why I had killed Oliver so easily...it was because I had killed so many times before. As Emi, I was used to it...so when I reached for that hammer under my bed, it was an instant decision.
The gray wizard smiled and nodded. "Forgive me. My judgment, as of late, has been rather clouded..." He sounded like he was beginning to doubt himself...
Letting out a sigh, I sat back down in my seat. "Gandalf, your judgment is fine..."
There was silence between us while I finally took a utensil and picked at the greens that had been waiting for me to devour. Though I was slow to eat, the substance at least made me feel less nauseous about the whole things.
When I looked back up to Gandalf, he was spaced out as he looked at the scenery of Imladris. It was obvious he was deep in thought. The days that were to follow would need to be handled with as much wit as he could muster.
He may not know what was truly in store for him...but I did. I knew The Lady of Lorien was in wait within the halls of Imladris, while The White Wizard Saruman would be arriving soon. Both would be part of this meeting Gandalf had spoke of. Which reminded me...
"Do not trust The White Wizard...He will not believe you." I tried not to speak too loudly, but he heard me clear enough. I took a sip of water as his eyes landed on me.
Sarumon had been a part of his life on Arda for a long time. Even before that. My sudden accusation must have put him in discomfort. Gandalf, however, also knew that I was aware of what was to happen in the future...and his trust for me persuaded him to nod in understanding.
Without another word he stood from his seat and left me with my thoughts...as well as a half eaten plate of food. Hunger outweighed my annoyance and I finished my plate.
There was nothing more to say about what was happening. I couldn't look into it any more than I already had.
The second I finished my food, I stood and made my way to the door. I made little contact with the elves that entered to clean up the dining hall. When I walked out of the twin doors, I was surprised to see Bilbo leaning against a far wall.
He had obviously waited there for me. He was probably going to apologize for dragging me here to throw me to the wolves. Not very nice...but it was certainly not his idea.
I straightened and cleared my throat. The hobbit turned his head to me with a nervous smile.
"Are-Are you alright?" His concern was touching.
The tight smile I sent his way made him frown with regret. "I am fine..." I went to pass by him, too angry that I had to endure an embarrassing lunch without even a warning.
He made to follow, but I stopped short and looked over my shoulder. "How did you find out?"
Bilbo looked at me carefully before taking a step forward. His nervous, awkward movements made me feel bad for being so harsh with him.
"I was near when Fili told Kili...when Kili struck his brother, I had to pull him off. That was when Kili made me drag his brother to Gandalf to...well, you know the rest." He looked down at his oversized feet and sighed. "I'm sorry for bringing you here under false pretenses...it was not my idea."
Sigh. Damn it. How could you be mad at someone who was pretty much forced into a trip and expected to do much more than any normal being could accomplish? You just couldn't.
"I am not upset with you, Bilbo. I am only upset that you had to find out...about that."
"If I had known Fili would do something as forward as-"
"We both know it was not his fault. There is a lot more going on then you understand, Bilbo. Dark forces are trying to pull us all apart from the inside...we must be sure to trust in each other, as I still trust Fili."
"...Kili was awfully upset at him."
The laugh that left my mouth was of amusement. Kili and Fili were brothers...for them to fight over someone like me, well that was just absurd.
"I'm sure he was..." Once I was done smiling over the idea of two brothers fighting, I looked back at Bilbo, who was still awkward standing there. "Bilbo, go spend some time preparing. Practice using that knife of yours. The company will be leaving in a few days."
"We will? How do you know this?"
"I know many things, Master Baggins. Remember that." There was nothing light about my tone. I was as serious as a heart attack. I knew everything. Something I still didn't fully understand.
Bilbo looked bemused by the way I was acting. Some part of me had changed and he could see straight through to it.
"Emma...what has happened to you?"
The question had me searching for an answer. I had little to give him. What hadn't happened? I've died twice in my life...and now I was reborn into this world that confused and frustrated me at every turn.
I turned away from him, not wanting to show how upset the question made me.
"I found out exactly what I was..."
"And what are you?" Confusion was set in his voice. There seemed to be a lot of that going around.
...Must this be so difficult?
I sighed and started walking. "You'll find out soon enough."
I left him there. Without another word. Even when he tried calling out for me. I just wanted to be alone. I was sick of having to explain myself to everyone. Bilbo I trusted the most, but right now was not the time to let him in on my secrets.
One day. I would tell him. He'd know who I was, where I was from, and what I had done. Then he would understand...at least I hoped he would.
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