Helga frowned and crossed her arms over her chest again, sitting in a chair across from Louis' desk. The lights were out. Louis didn't turn them on as he headed over to his chair. Only the moonlight illuminated the home office. The tall bookcases and Louis' computer cast eerie shadows, but Helga glared through them. Olga cautiously shut the door and sat on the corner of the desk, as Louis regally took the big leather swivel armchair behind it.
"I know, I know." Helga asked as she looked into his eyes. "You're gonna ask me to explain myself."
"No. I know exactly why you're pissed off. That doesn't mean what you've been doing is right."
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! She's allowed to be here - the two of you have made that clear. That doesn't mean I have to be nice to her!"
"Come on, Helga, she's trying. If she weren't trying, I'd get it, but she is, and she's been nice to you."
"So? She'll try one second and then hit the smoothies the next. How long do you think she'll last this time?"
"Helga!" Olga scolded. "Helga, mommy made mistakes but..."
"Mistakes would be an understatement!"
"But she really wants to make amends! When she first came here, she was overwhelmed by guilt about us being happier without her than we were at home."
"Well, we were! And now you want to ruin that?! Maybe it's just me, but I don't forget things so easily, because I'm not naive! I know what happens when Miriam tries to 'make amends.' How long do you think she'll last this time, seriously?"
"Helga...it's not like I've forgotten anything, but if we don't help our own mother, who else will? You weren't at the hospital. You didn't see how bad it was."
"Well, I don't care!" She blurted and turned her head away, her arms still crossed.
"Oh? Do you want to see your mother die? We might as well get that out there right now. You know that stress can put her right back on the bottle, right? You said she won't last long - well, she might not last long precisely because of you. And you know what happened the last time she drank. Want her to do that again?" Louis asked.
Helga's frown deepened. "Who cares? It's not like she wasn't doing it day in and day out to the point where she was so plastered, I had to walk to preschool alone. What's the difference now? So I'll be without a 'mother' in name only. Cecily can take up the role. She's done more in a year and a half than Miriam did in 10, and it isn't like I see her every day!"
He rubbed his forehead. "There's just one problem, Helga. Cecily is my mother, not yours, no matter how much you try to fight it. And I know you don't mean what you're saying. I know you. You're tough, but you're not a monster."
The frown lightened.
"And besides, if you really think that highly of my mother, I really don't think you want to embarrass yourself and me in front of her."
"...Embarrass you?"
"That's right, Helga. This is, after all, my house. Everything that goes on in here is a reflection of your sister and I. I know you and Olga had a hard time before, and that's because it was a reflection of your old home, wasn't it? So out of respect for me, at least, especially in front of my family, cool it. I'm not saying you have to be nice to Miriam, but don't be cruel to her when she's trying. I know you don't want her to relapse, no matter what you might say. Otherwise, you wouldn't be objecting to her presence so strongly."
"Whose side are you on, anyway?" She grumbled.
"I'm on your side, Helga, but there's no need for me to fire on someone that isn't the enemy, is there?"
"Well, she was always the enemy to me!"
"Helga, you know that mommy...wasn't always aware of the ways which she hurt us, because she was hurting herself...she really was." Olga cried. "You weren't around when I was smaller. She's a lot more capable than you might remember. It's just...the constant fighting and the environment gradually wore her away and away... Helga, you took the leap and put some faith in me two years ago. I'm now asking you to at least put enough faith in mommy to not be mean to her, if nothing else. It's not going to be easy. She might well screw up again, but as I said, if we aren't there for her, who will be?"
"It's like I was saying to you before, Helga." Louis continued. "Remember you were even hostile to me when we first met? You thought I was just an extension of a 'perfect' sister you found so overbearing? Well, I think we've proven those impressions wrong these last two years. Give your mother that same chance. Again, you don't need to be nice to her, but at least try not to be mean. Who knows? You might even wind up being surprised, like we surprised you. I just don't want you to be responsible for any relapses. Surely you don't want to think you've driven her back to the bottle? Because that's what you might just wind up doing. I know you. You don't want to live with that guilty conscience."
"Well, maybe if she actually loved me instead of her smoothies, I wouldn't be acting this way. Did you think of that? But fine, out of respect for the two of you at least, I'll back off a little."
"Thank you, Helga, and sometimes, people love you, but just can't find the best way to show it. They're confused, or in turmoil, and need help sorting themselves out before they can express themselves properly. I hope you'll understand that someday."
Miriam sat in a fetal position against the wall on the roof. Christmas lights blared rainbow hues all throughout Hillwood, lighting up the blackness. The roof deck of her daughter's home was no exception. Olga had made sure it sparkled. There was even a lighted display piece near the roof's edge of Santa on his sled with his reindeer.
It was bitterly cold, but that didn't bother her much, even though she wasn't wearing a coat. The biting cold was simply too far removed from her mind for her to take notice. She wasn't crying anymore, though her earlier tears had frozen to her cheeks. She just sat there, staring down at the grey granite, which was faintly lit by the Christmas lights above.
She jolted her head to the left when she heard the door creek.
"Oh, there you are! I was looking for you!"
Cecily closed the door behind her and gasped when she saw Miriam on the granite.
"What are you doing up here?" Miriam asked weakly.
"I might as well ask you that same question, especially without a coat!" Cecily replied. "Anyway, I think we should get to know one another a little better. After all, our kids are about to get married...so we're going to be family whether we like it or not. We might as well try to like it."
"That's very sweet of you, but...I wouldn't even be meeting you if I hadn't nearly drunk myself to death last week. Helga's right, I shouldn't be here. It's not like I've improved any since your son took my girls out of my home."
"Well...maybe. I only know a little bit, really. But sometimes, unexpected opportunities come out of the direst circumstances. You need to decide if you want to seize them."
"How can I do that?" Miriam moped, looking at the ground again. "Everything here...and you...it all just...reminds me of how much I've failed. I mean, I've tried but...how can I pretend anymore? Just look at this place! Look how happy they are! Where can I possibly fit in when all I've given them is the opposite? Your son was the best thing that ever happened to both of my daughters. Look what they've gotten with him in their lives! He finally gave Olga the courage to help her sister and break free from her dad who breathed down her neck. He and Olga together gave Helga the love and confidence her dad and me failed to give her. And look at him - a successful businessman, way more than my husband, all before 30. Just seeing you...you, who raised him...everything he's done is a reflection of you in some way, right? Oh, and your other son? Just an Annapolis grad and a Navy SEAL, no big deal. My older daughter...she wants to help - that's just her way, but she's on her guard. My younger daughter despises me and I realize now that I can't even blame her. But they both love you, you and your family. How can I seize this moment when I'm such a screw up? I can't compare with you..."
Cecily sighed, her eyes softening.
"Now you're just being silly."
"Huh?" Miriam turned her head up at her, eyes bulging.
"Olga is a virtuoso on the piano and intellectually gifted, not to mention she's a lovely girl who's the apple of everyone's eye - but you already know that - of course you do! I couldn't be happier that she's going to be my new daughter-in-law. And Helga has all the potential in the world. She's tough and determined like Henry. She's creative and cunning like Louis. I have no doubt she can do anything she wants. And how did they get those talents? I don't suppose your girls' good qualities just fell out of the sky?"
"But...you don't understand! I've always loved my girls...but I never really helped them. Your son's entrance into their lives changed everything. I used to be able to deny it all through my 'smoothies,' but he made me realize that I didn't help them at all! I might have encouraged Olga on the piano and in her studies, but I was really just pressuring her. And Helga...I just kind of checked out at that point... I'm not like you... I just threw everything I had going for me away. I thought being a good mother would make up for it, but I couldn't do that right, either, so what do I have?"
Cecily sighed again, slowly sitting down beside her.
"Well, it's good that you're being honest about it now. That's the first step, but making unwarranted comparisons to me won't help. It wasn't all that easy for me, either."
"What are you talking about? The results speak for themselves. Look at your boys and how they love you! I don't suppose that you ever wound up in a hospital with a BAC of 0.42, either."
"Well...no." Cecily answered. "But as I said to you before, if anyone looks at your girls, they'd only ever think good things about you. No one would ever imagine what you've just said, which goes to what I hope you'll understand - people are more complicated than the best or worst parts about them. You mentioned your hospital visit, well, I had a lot of those 20 years ago. It wasn't such a smooth ride for me."
"You were sent to the hospital a lot?"
"Not me, my husband."
"Oh...I was wondering where he was..."
"I'm sure you had your problems, but I'm also pretty sure you never had to watch your husband going from the prime of his life, to suddenly getting sick, and then seeing him die in six months."
"What...? I..."
"How do you explain to an eight and a three-year-old that they're going to lose their daddy, just out of the blue? How do you take them to the hospital to see him wither away and not just break down yourself? Everything might have been OK, money wise, and my career in television was stable by that point, but I had to struggle to be a rock of stability for them. Suddenly, I had to do everything alone, and I couldn't even explain to them why. Truth be told, I'm surprised they both turned out so well. I mean, Louis took a little bit longer than Henry did, but they figured it out, and thankfully they had each other."
"I had no idea..."
"So you see? I'm not trying to compare tragedies with you. Only fools do that. What I'm trying to say is that I've experienced life's curveballs too, so don't beat yourself up because you think you need to compare yourself to me. I wouldn't wish what happened to me on anyone. Whatever happened in the past with your girls, just take comfort in the fact that they've turned out so well, anyway. Now it's on you to take responsibility and show them you want to move on from the past, no matter how painful. Like Henry and Louis, they'll figure it...and you...out. All you need to do is be there to give them good reasons."
"I'm trying...but Helga...how can I do anything when she repulses me automatically at every turn?"
Cecily sighed. "I understand...and I'll tell you what. Your biggest problem is that you seem to be coming at her too directly, which reminds her of your past and forces her to put up a wall around herself to defend from it. You need to walk beside her, rather than come straight at her. Get on her wavelength first, so that she can see a similarity between you two, and then take her to places where you can get closer."
"That...sounds like something your son would do..."
"Come on, who do you think taught him?" Cecily smiled. "Henry?" She rolled her eyes. "It's all a part of understanding your audience before you try to reach them, so you minimize any potential alienation. I wouldn't be a very good producer if I didn't know a thing or two about it, and I'll tell you exactly what you should do."
"What...?" Miriam still mumbled.
"Tomorrow night, there's that boxing match. I couldn't care less about it, but I know my boys really like it, so I try to enjoy these shows with them when I get the chance, just to be closer with them, if for no other reason. Helga's probably even more excited than they are. She's been counting down the days for months. I think you should watch with us tomorrow and show Helga that you're interested. That could open a window with her that you might not have had up to now. Enjoy the show and say something interesting about it and she'll be a lot more likely to respond positively, trust me."
"Like...what do you mean...I still find it hard to imagine..."
"Well..." Cecily beamed. "Like, remember earlier how Louis and I were talking about promotion for the event over dinner? That's where I can relate some interesting things back to myself. I don't know anything about the sport or its people, or standings, or anything like that, but I can always talk about the production and promotion aspects of these shows. Louis and I have an instant rapport with that stuff, because that's the kind of thing we both do in our careers, and Henry can relate to some of the planning and logistical aspects, as well. So, think. How can you relate to the show and say some things about it that Helga might be interested in? I don't suppose it's nothing, because you wanted to say something tonight before she rudely cut you off."
"Yeah..." Miriam pondered.
"Anyway, we really should head back inside, don't you think? It's freezing cold, and without a coat, you're asking for trouble."
Miriam smiled up and nodded at her, getting up.