An: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I listened to her breathing in the darkness of the room. It was soothing in a way that I had not expected, but just not enough to lull me to sleep. I would close my eyes and slowly drift off only to wake up gasping for air as I fought off a nightmare.

I felt a warm hand come to rest lightly upon my chest. While it was comforting, it gave me no chance to hide my racing heart.

"Nightmare?" she asked in a sleepy tone as her hand still upon my heart. I closed my eyes over the loving gesture only to have the irrational thought fill my head that maybe... maybe somehow the pounding of my heart would tell her everything I had done. As if the pounding would suddenly be this odd Morse code telling her every sin, I had ever done and refused to tell her.

I clasped her hand with mine and held it.

"Edward are you ok?" she asked slowly, more coherent sounding as she shifted next to me.

No.

"Yeah," I lied too comfortably.

I was getting too used to lying her.

It came with ease now.

I could almost hear her laughter over it.

She would love knowing how she was impacting my life.

"You don't seem ok," she sighed as she shifted next to me to sit up. I clasped her hand until she pulled it free to touch my forehead.

"You're sweating," she commented, and I could almost feel her grimace.

"Anxiety," I sputtered out, almost yelling it at her as my heart pounded against my rib cage.

"I have anxiety," I stated as I moved, putting some space between us in our bed as she turned on the light on the nightstand next to her.

I squinted to look at her against the light that now flooded our room. I watched as she grabbed her glasses and slipped them on to look at me with a critical eye.

"I'm ok," I said softly as she remained silent. "I just... I just am having an anxiety attack."

That wasn't a total lie.

I did have anxiety issues.

"Maybe you should call your dad in the morning?" she offered as she trailed her hand up to cup the side of my face in a loving manner that made my heart hurt.

"Maybe," I repeated without agreeing with her as I watched her shut the light off again before laying back down next to me.

"Right now, I just need you," I said as I pulled her to me. Her smaller frame wrapped around mine as I breathed in her scent.

Sunlight.

Heat.

Spice.

"I love you," I breathed in her hair.

Truth.

Saying it eased my beating heart.

The word felt like a confession and helped put me at ease.

I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to the thoughts of the woods and the scent of flowers.

I made my way through the maze of halls until I found his tiny office.

Dr Carlisle Cullen.

I hated hospitals and with good reason.

They would forever be associated with loss to me.

As I stood before the door, waiting to knock I suddenly regretted my choice to come see him.

He would know.

One look and he would know it was back.

She was back.

The addiction I just could not shake.

I rapped softly on the door, half hoping that he had been called out on some emergency only.

"Come in." I could hear his cheerful response.

I opened the door slowly and stepped in, dreading turning to face him.

"Edward!" he greeted me as I turned and smiled as brightly as I could.

"Dad," I greeted him with a nod as I watched his smile faulter for a moment before returning bright as the sun.

"You look…. okay," he commented as I rolled my eyes at him.

Okay was better than what I was expecting. Maybe I am masking this well.

"As do you," I chuckled while sitting down.

"Esme and I were thinking of what to get you for your wedding," he commented as I nodded again. "You are still getting married, right?"

"As far as I know at this moment, she has not refused me," I said with an edge to my voice that I did not bother hiding.

"That's not what I meant," he sighed as I looked away.

"I think I know what you mean," I replied in a dry tone that made him shake his head once more.

"We love her. She's darling, Edward, but…but I'm worried about you," He stammered in a manner that was only occurred when we spoke of the past.

In an instant I was transported back to a moment in time. I could taste the cleaner in the air and see the beige of the walls of the private waiting room.

"You ok, son?" he asked with a low stammer to his voice as I stared at ground blinking back tears.

"No," I whispered before wiping my eyes and standing up to enter the room once more.

I shook my head slightly as if that motion could clear the memory.

It didn't.

"No need to worry," I assured him with more confidence than what was needed. "I am doing great."

"Ok," he breathed out with a worried look as he brought his hands up and clasped them before them.

His eyes held mine daring me to lie to him again.

Had he forgotten?

He had taught me well.

I was an expert at lying to him.

"My anxiety is flaring up," I confessed softly and then watched him nod empathetically.

"I'm not sleeping very well," I continued as he watched me confess some of my sins.

Some.

Not all.

"And it's not the upcoming wedding?" he asked in a firm tone.

"No…well, I'm sure that has something to do with it, but it's not the root cause," I defended my decision.

"Why do you always think it's her," I asked him as he shook his head in disagreement.

"I don't think it's her. I think it's you," he said as I rolled my eyes.

Of course, it was me.

"Well, it's always my fault,' I said through gritted teeth as I looked away. Swallowing back my anger at him.

"I've never said that," he whispered softly. I could almost hear the sympathy in his voice a he spoke to me.

"You don't have to," I replied with a shrug as he sighed in what could have been irritation or exasperation. I wasn't sure at this point since I was certain he was tired of my anger as much as what I was.

"Are you still seeing Aro?" he asked cautiously as I looked away.

"Yes," I lied.

It wasn't a total lie. I was still technically Aro's patient even though I had not seen him in almost six months.

"I'll call him, you know," he threatened me as if I were a child.

"And tell him what? Or better yet, ask if your twenty-six-year-old son still attends his sessions?" I laughed as he looked at me with a concerned look that was probably deserving at this point.

"Edward…" Carlisle said slowly, giving me space to interrupt him.

"Maybe he can explain HIPPA to you," I stated simply as I stood up to leave him.

"Wait," he called motioning for me to stop. I watched him open his laptop and began to type.

"You ran out of meds and didn't have them refilled?" he questioned me as I looked away.

"I haven't needed them until recently," I said as looked over the pictures on his desk. My eyes focused on the one from Christmas. All the fake smiles were almost painful to look at.

"She is good for you, isn't she?" he mused as he typed while I nodded.

"Well, I refilled one-month worth of the prescription, now get in to Aro," he directed me as he closed his laptop, daring me to challenge him.

AN:

Thanks for reading & all the support.

XOXO

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