ANL I do not own Twilight.
epos
Aro's house hadn't changed in my absence. It was ornate with its marble and crystal, yet every surface was stacked with books. It was oddly charming in a way that it had a homey feel to it despite the clutter.
I followed him into his study and quickly sat down on the couch like I had countless visits before, just sitting there sent a tidal wave of anxiety throughout me as I looked from the books at my side to the man who knew all my secrets and then some. I listened to him rattle around in the kitchen making us tea as I waited.
"I made the tea with moon water to help with healing," he said as I nodded, watching him pour his hippy dippy tea for me and then a cup for himself.
"So, Edward…" he began as he waved his wands towards me as I nodded silently.
"Tell me what's going on."
I had no idea where to begin.
'I was out of anxiety meds so Carlisle… my dad wrote me a new prescription giving me a months' worth, but after that I'll need more," I explained simply as I smiled politely at him.
"Ok, we can address that," he assured me as he matched my nod with one of his own.
"Tell me how it's going?" he asked against in a pleasant tone, but I could feel the bit of impatience seeping in as I looked away.
"It's going ok," I said slowly as I turned to look at him once more. His bright blue eyes seemed to look right through me as I lied to him.
"That's a start," he said encouragingly as he clapped his hands together.
I then slowly opened up. I told him about work. The promotion. Emmett and our time together.
"How is Emmett?" he asked, interrupting me with a quick question.
"He's ok. We haven't had a chance to get together for a while. You know... work and all," I said as I watched him scrawl something down in his notebook
"What about your dad and mom," he asked in a mindless tone as he wrote.
"Step mom," I corrected him out of habit. His head popped up and looked at me for a moment before smiling and continuing to write.
"I saw Carlisle…Dad, today," I said correcting myself as I nodded at him.
"How's that going?"
"Good enough he wrote me a prescription," I laughed darkly as he stared at me quietly. He had a small, uncomfortable smile on his face as he turned back to the notebook, flipping back pages and reading whatever it was he had written about me.
"The last time we spoke, I gave you the advice to get out there and live life," he read to me before looking back up with those piercing eyes,
"Have you?"
"I have," I said softly, knowing that I hadn't.
Not really.
I had worked.
I had gone a trip or two.
I had moved forward on the road to a normal adulthood by getting engaged.
I had bought car insurance and reviewed my health care policy.
I had done it all, but was it living?
I wasn't sure.
"I heard about your engagement," he commented casually, but there was nothing about a conversation with Aro. Everything had a meaning.
"Thanks," I said even though he hadn't offered his congratulations.
I looked at Aro as he stared at me. His eyes were dark and instantly made me want to look away.
I knew what question was coming next
"Have you seen her?" he asked me in a soft, but remorseful tone. It was the same one whenever he mentioned her name.
"Yes," I whispered to him.
There was no need to lie this man.
He would know.
"I see her in everything I do," I admitted slowly, hating that it was true.
I would see her eyes in the color of the sunset,
I could feel her touch on the breeze.
She was everywhere and nowhere I needed her to be.
"And…"
"She came to my office and we fucked on the desk," I said in a rush as he nodded his head. "And again, the restaurant bathroom… but that was just oral so I'm not sure if that counts."
"Did it count to you?"
"Yes," I admitted painfully.
Anything involving her would always count.
"She was mad at me for being engaged," I said slowly, staring at the swooping colorful pattern of the area rug beneath my feet.
Aro's silence had me refusing to look up as I admitted my sins.
"Does your fiancé know about her?"
"No," I said as I shrugged, refused to look at him, to see the pity in his eyes that always greeted me when he spoke of her.
"Have you taken her to the cemetery?" he asked me in a quiet tone, but I could feel the heavy emotion that came with it.
I shook my head no, knowing that I could not speak any words about that.
"It's better that way," I finally said and had the memory of Carlisle explaining away Esme's presence in his room after mom went to the hospice center and why mom did not need to know about it. I hated that I was no better than him.
"Ok," Aro said slowly, building up to whatever question he was about to ask.
"You've got this whole new life and a new person and you are ready to move on," he commented as I flinched at his words.
Move on.
It rang so hollow to me.
"And the wedding is in…?"
"Three weeks." I corrected him.
"And you're ready for that?' he asked me as I nodded automatically.
I was ready.
It was the next logical step.
She was a bright ambitious woman who had similar interest as my own and was not interested in having children.
It was a rare find and I was lucky to have her.
"You're happy?" he asked me as I looked away for a moment before nodding.
"You don't seem that happy for a man who is three weeks out from marrying the girl of his dreams," he commented in a dry tone
"Aro... it's not that simple," I admitted slowly as I looked at him.
"I want to be happy," I said as he nodded in agreement.
"I should be happy. I mean, I think I'm happy, but then something happens and... and it all just feels wrong," I admitted as he looked at me with those damn all knowing eyes.
"There is this old saying," Aro said as he took a sip of the moon tea, he had made for us. "You're unhappy because you are not in alignment with who you are. Not because of what anyone else is doing."
"That's… nice," I said as I rolled my eyes at him before reaching for the cup of hippy tea he had made.
"When is the last time you were happy, Edward?" he asked me in a simple tone as if it was the easiest question in the word.
"I don't know," I mumbled as he shook his head no.
"Think about it and we can talk about it next week," he said as he motioned towards the oversized clock on the wall the told of how my time with him was up. He walked me out while suggesting different focuses for mediation and then ended it with his constant assurance that healing was messy, but not out of reach.
I waved then watched him go back in to wait for his next patient as I sat in my car thinking about his request.
I had lied to him.
I could see happiness in my mind.
I knew what bliss felt like.
When I pictured happiness, it was always my time her.
AN:
Thanks for reading and all the support.
Stay healthy & happy : )
XOXO
Mamasutra