An: I do not own Twilight.

"Hey Edward, Mike is here!" I heard others call out to me in my office. Mike was a nice enough employee, but not one I felt especially close to.

"He brought his baby!" someone called out as if that was supposed to make me want to run out to greet him.

"Mr. Cullen?"

I stared at the worn-out carpet beneath my feet as I ran a hand through my hair.

I couldn't feel anything except the frigid cold that now had settled over me.

"Mr. Cullen?"

The words seem to come from far away as I focused all my attention on my inner mantra.

She has to live.

She has to live.

She has to live.

"Mr. Cullen?"

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder shock me out of my meditation.

"Sorry, I thought you were asking for my father," I mumbled softly, suddenly embarrassed by my lack of attention.

"It's fine," she smiled at me in such a way that my stomach dropped as I could feel the sympathy coming off her in waves.

"Do you want to see her?" she asked me softly, almost imploring me to see her.

"I should wait for…" I began as I felt terror take over me.

I wasn't sure I could face her alone.

"Hey Edward," Mike called out to me, pulling me out my memories.

"Hey Mike," I said as I plastered a fake grin upon my face as I motioned for him to come in.

"Who do we have here?" I asked, trying to sound normal as I watched him stride into my office with a blue bundle in his arms. The pride in his eyes as he held out his son before me.

"This is James," he said with reverence in his voice that it made my heart ache a little as he grinned with pride over what he helped create. Before I could protest, Mike had thrusted his infant son towards me to hold. I had made it rule eight years ago never hold a child, yet in that split second, I had no alternative, except to hold the boy.

"Look at you," Mike chuckled as I held his son in my arms, instantly rocking him as I took in his small features. Soft blonde hair, a little upturned nose and closed eyes with balled up fists.

"You're a natural" he teased as I felt this child's warmth spread through out me.

It wasn't the first time I had held a baby.

"Careful, Mike. He's getting married so you may set off a round of baby fever," Jess called as she entered the room, saving me from the moment that Mike had thrust upon me.

"No," I said with a weak laugh as I moved to hand the baby back to her. As soon as she had lifted him away from me, I felt the warmth drain away into this empty feeling that I had grown accustom to.

"Never say never," she teased me before launching into a birth story that I never asked to hear follow up with wanting to know how long Mike could have off.

Those questions were ones I could answer as they put me back in my realm. I knew rules. I could get them to who could answer those questions. I could direct them towards HR. I could tell her that Mike could work from home for so many weeks until they all finally left me alone once more.

Once they were gone, I noticed they had left behind a small baby blanket. I grabbed it with every intention of setting it on Mike's desk, but the moment I held it in my hand I was transported back.

The room was empty as I waited for news.

Anything to tell me she was alive despite the heavy feeling that had settled over my heart telling me that she wasn't.

"Mr. Cullen, would you like to see your daughter?"

The older nurse with the kind eyes was back.

"Do you know…"

"No, but they will come get you the moment there is news," she assured me as I nodded as if I understood why I was left to wait.

I watched her leave me only to return pushing a small plastic bassinette. I watched in horror as she picked up the bundle inside and walked over to me with it.

I did not want this child.

I dreaded her existence despite loving her mother with everything I had.

I had hated her.

I especially hated her knowing how she was the reason her mother was most likely dead.

"I… I…" I stuttered as she placed the bundle in my arms.

"Edward, meet your daughter," she whispered to me.

I looked down upon the face of a killer only to be mesmerized by her beauty.

She had my hair and her mother's pouty lips.

Her eyes were wide and closed, yet framed with lashes.

I wondered what color they would have been.

Her little hands were clasped shut, but I could see each fine finger and tiny finger nails.

I unwrapped her and counted her ten little toes.

I marveled over her knees and elbows, wondering which one always poked me when I held her mom.

I took in every moment.

I took pictures.

I smelled her hair.

"Her mother…" I began only to have nurse silence me.

"We can do this all again when she's back," she assured me as I nodded, trying to capture some of her positivity as I could not bear another loss.

"Did you two have a name for her?" she asked in full stop of explaining what would come next after pictures and foot prints as well as mementos for us to keep in her place.

"Mara..." I breathed out. "Mara Elizabeth Cullen."

"What a lovely name," the nurse whispered as I nodded.

We hadn't discussed names outside of Elizabeth in honor of my mother, but Mara seemed like a good fit for the bitterness of this moment.

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AN:

Thanks for reading : )

Hey, do any of you beta? I need an editor for the one shot I am considering writing.

Stay healthy & safe.

XOXO

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