Sansa III

The kiss definitely changed things between Sansa and Sandor. Surely, they resumed their everyday activities afterwards, almost as if nothing was amiss, but what transpired in that moment was a lingering subject between them, one that Sansa was still afraid to touch.

She didn't quite know how to feel or what to think about it. What she said to Sandor was true: she didn't regret what happened, but it only added confusion to her already raging mind. It wasn't really the first time they kissed: when he left her, in the night of the Blackwater battle, he took a song and a kiss. Well, if you could call that awkward touch of lips a kiss. It wasn't anything nearly passionate as the last one, but it was more than enough to occupy her mind during the time they were apart, and it left her with a faraway feeling of longing she never experienced before. And the kiss they shared in the stables satisfied that longing, and intensified it at the same time, she realized.

It was weird, and it was unsettling. During her time in the Eyrie Sansa would often spend time in the company of Myranda Royce, and she would hear all sorts of things on that matter. Before, Sansa never knew nor imagined what it felt like to want a man, and most of the things Myranda said seemed foreign and off-place. But now, she felt overwhelmed by the realization that perhaps her missing of the Hound was actually a symptom of something else, other than gratitude for his protection and desire for his friendship.

She was thrilled and terrified by that thought. What if she really felt something else for the Hound? What would that mean for her, for them? Sansa caught herself watching him with different eyes. Surely, he had one of the most hideous faces in Westeros, but he also had strong arms and a thick neck. He was a man made for fight, she understood. He was so tall he towered above her, even though she was quite tall herself. And his broad form could engulf her easily. Yes, he was a man who could break her little bones in two as if she was indeed a little bird. Yet, she didn't feel scared by that thought. On the contrary, she felt safe with him. She tried to compare him mentally to the men she thought were attractive in the past, and Gods, he was so different from them. Joffrey, Loras and Willas seemed so dainty and weak compared to Sandor. Now that she thought about it, Sansa knew that whatever infatuation she felt towards the others was equally weak compared to the nameless feeling she had towards Sandor.

"Hey, are you deaf, girl?"

His strong voice brought her back to the present moment. She was so distracted that she didn't even hear him coming. Shaking all of her feelings and doubts aside she asked:

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

"I said I brought a rabbit. For the soup." He was saying "What happened, Little Bird? You seemed to be elsewhere…"

"I was" she answered, but then she realized she couldn't voice exactly what her thoughts were, so Sansa lied "I'm still worried about Lyara"

"Hmpf" he grunted in response "Told you yesterday that I could go and look for her. You wouldn't let me"

"I know, I just didn't want you to ride just yet." she said, blushing. "But…well, if she doesn't come back by tomorrow, we ought to do something"

"Aye" he said "if she doesn't come back by tomorrow, I will go to the Quiet Isle" he said, looking at her intensely. His stare was so intense it made her feel uncomfortable, so she avoided her eyes and turned to the rabbit on the table instead. Avoiding his gaze, she started to prepare the meal, all the while feeling like her heart was a bird trying to fly away from her chest. It was so unsettling that her mind and her body seemed to react so strongly in his presence. Before, when they were apart, it was easy to ignore the sentiment, but even then, The Hound would creep into her thoughts more often than not. His presence was always so steady and constant in her life before Blackwater, so after his departure some kind of void was created in her life. Now that he was back, she started to remember these days of his absence as a dream, as something that happened to someone else and not to her. Sandor gave her a suspicious look before grunting and leaving the cabin. "This is madness" she thought, turning her attention again to the task at hand.

They ate the meal in silence, afterwards, Sansa still avoiding his eyes as best as she could. She couldn't keep her mind out of the kiss they shared, and the thought that he could see right through her and guess what she was thinking made her nervous. He seemed to notice that something was amiss, and once or twice it seemed as if he was about to speak something, but changed his mind. Sansa was grateful for that, because she wasn't sure how to explain her strange behavior. Something told her he wouldn't buy the excuse that it was all apprehension about Lyara.

After the meal Sansa excused herself and decided to go tend the garden, to keep her mind out of Sandor. She collected a basket and started to work with the plants, fighting to focus on something else than the man inside the house. A few moments later, however, the object of her anxiety casually joined her in the yard, shirtless, with an axe at hand and the excuse that they needed more chopped wood. His muscular torso glistening with sweat was quite a sight, and as much as she wanted to keep her mind on the task she was performing, she found her eyes and thoughts wandering back to him more often than not. Somehow, he seemingly sensed it as well, because he spoke, turning to her:

"Find anything you like, Little Bird?"

Her face turned red when she realized he caught her staring, and she couldn't even make up a believable excuse:

"I… I wasn't… I mean…"

"Don't fret, Little Bird. You can stare all you want. I don't mind" his voice was rough as usual and the sound of it sent shivers down her spine "as long as you don't mind if I stare back" he said, leaving the axe on the ground and approaching her.

"I… I…" she failed to conjure up a coherent sentence. His proximity was too much for her to bear, and the sight of his bare chest wasn't helping either. She wondered what was happening to her, if she gone mad or something. Her earlier thoughts came back to haunt her, as a voice inside her screamed with wanting at the sight of his mouth… she didn't realize she was leaning back towards the house until her back hit the wall. She was definitely trapped between two solid walls – the house and his strong body. Her mind was a blank sheet and any kind of rational thought slipped away, as she closed her eyes and opened her mouth.

Something in the back of her mind was telling her to stop and get away from him at once – a voice of reason, stating that she didn't know what she was doing and that she would get into trouble – but the kiss felt too good for Sansa to obey. She realized reason had nothing to do with the feelings she had and the wanting that overcame her. Sandor seemed pleased with her compliance, for he eagerly devoured her. His hands found the way to her waist, and then to her breasts. She should protest, she should tell him to stop, she should tell him that it wasn't right, this is not the way it happens in the songs, but her body was melting into his, and she realized that this was way better than any song. Her heart was beating wildly. She felt powerless, but it seemed like a good thing. She knew how it felt to be at someone's mercy, she felt like that her whole life, especially during the horrid time when she was a captive of the Lannisters. Back then, feeling so powerless seemed disgraceful and awful, but now it was a different feeling altogether. Now she was at his mercy, and yet, given the way he seemed so enthralled by her, he was at her mercy as well. "So, this is what it feels like" Sansa thought "this is what loving a man really feels like…". Love… "Do I love him?" she asked herself, though she knew the answer already. "Does he love me back?" she wondered then.

Suddenly Sandor stopped the kiss and tensed, his hands griping her waist firmly. For a moment Sansa didn't understood what happened, but then she heard the sound of hooves and her heart skipped a beat. Looking over Sandor's shoulders, she saw Lyara standing there with a shocked expression on her face. She wasn't alone, though: an impassive Elder Brother was at her side.

"Oh" Sansa said, letting go of Sandor and stepping in her direction "Lyara, you're back" she said, but the healer ignored her and walked straight to Sandor instead:

"I know who you are. You are the Hound" the healer spoke as if the name was a curse. Clearly Lyara was aware of his fame, and Sansa knew they were off to a bad start.

"I was the Hound" he answered simply.

"I heard you were dead" Lyara said "But clearly that's not the case"

"Well, I almost died, if it counts for something"

"Lyara" Sansa said, stepping in front of Sandor to get her attention. Lyara clearly had a bad opinion on Sandor, and Sansa knew it was expected, but she had to get the old woman to trust him. She wasn't sure what she would tell her, but it was really important that she managed to get Lyara and Sandor to get along fine. The old healer finally turned her attention to her, and Sansa continued:

"I can explain. He means no harm; you have to trust me"

"Trust The Hound?" Lyara said "Oh, Alysanne, you're asking me quite a lot"

"I know" the young woman answered "But he isn't as bad as everyone says, I can assure you"

"Lyara, you should hear what your daughter has to say before you jump into conclusions…" the Elder Brother said, and Lyara suddenly turned to him, accusingly:

"Gods, you knew? This man was living on the Quiet Isle, you had to know who he was… This whole time, you were harboring a… killer. A monster!"

"Yes, you're right. I knew what he used to be, and I know what he is now. The two are not the same, Lyara, it is far more complicated than you think. You should listen to Alysanne. You don't know the whole tale…"

"So, pray tell me, what is the whole tale? What is he doing he? How did you get so close to this… man, Alysanne?"

"Come with me, Lyara. I will tell you everything" Sansa answered. "Please, Elder Brother, if you don't mind, I need to talk to her alone. You too, Sandor. Please, leave us alone for a moment."

The Elder Brother nodded and motioned for Sandor to follow him. Sighing, Sandor followed the religious man to a clearing near the cabin. Sansa and Lyara entered the house, the old healer silent as a grave, and Sansa nervous about… well, everything. If it wasn't enough that her feelings for Sandor were overpowering her, now she also had to convince Lyara that the man she was kissing so eagerly wasn't the monster the whole realm seemed to think he was.

"Lyara, I know you are a good healer, and a great person. I know you accepted me with an open heart, and without further questions. That's why it pains me to admit that I was dishonest to you." She started uncertainly. Lyara said nothing, so she continued:

"My name is not Alysanne, and I am not a miller's daughter. I was actually born in a castle, far from here. I am the oldest daughter born from a Lord of a noble House" she said, and paused. Lyara actually smirked to her, and answered:

"I realized you were castle born from the start, girl. I took me just a look at your delicate hands to realize that you never done any real work in your life apart from sewing and being pretty. But I wasn't bothered by that, I thought you were just a runaway girl, trying to avoid marriage to an old man. Or perhaps an abused wife seeking shelter from a violent husband…"

"Well, you assumed right. I came here seeking shelter from violence… and marriage…" Sansa answered, and after a while, continued "Some time ago, as I was approaching marriageable age, my parents made a betrothal pact in my name. I was supposed to marry the heir of a noble house. The betrothal made me incredibly happy at first. The boy I was to marry, he was so handsome and elegant. He was as gallant as a prince from a song, so I thought I couldn't be luckier to have him as a husband. Little did I know that the betrothal would bring me so much suffering…" Sansa faltered, and after a few seconds of silence, Lyara encouraged her:

"Go on, girl."

"It turns out that the boy I was supposed to marry was actually a monster. He wasn't a gallant prince, he was a cruel bastard, a coward who liked to abuse innocents, a foul creature who reveled in the pain he inflicted to others. He abused me in so many ways that I cannot even begin to tell you. During that time, only one man would step in to shield me from that horrible boy… a scarred man, with the fame of a brute and a mean demeanor, whom everyone thought as a monster. But trust me, Lyara, he was no monster. He was… kind… in his own strange way. Even if he sometimes said mean things, it was just to teach me how to survive in that horrible place… he was my savior"

"The Hound" Lyara said, simply.

"Yes. Him. He was the only friend I had at that time. One day he decided he had enough of cruel masters and liars, and left. The night he left he went to my room, and offered to help me escape. At that time, I was too much of a weak thing, so I declined, saying I would be safe…"

"And what happened after that?" the older woman asked.

"After that… well, my betrothal to that monster was eventually annulled because his family found a more… profitable match, so I was cast aside. I was so naïve I thought I would be free to go. But in the end, I was forced to marry a man who was… well, not what I expected. Although he was ugly to look at, he wasn't cruel to me, not at all. He actually treated me with kindness, and left me alone. He didn't even force me to fulfill my marriage vows, so the marriage was never consummated. But even that my lord husband wasn't that bad, the only thing I wanted was to escape from that place, from all the people who wronged me so much. When an opportunity to escape arrived I took my chances and fled. I thought I could be free, but I was wrong."

Lyara said nothing, so Sansa continued:

"The man who helped me escape… well, he didn't do it out of the kindness in his heart. No, he helped me because he wanted something in return. He wanted to use me, to use my family name and my claim to turn me into a pawn again. His plans involved another marriage betrothal, another cage for me… but I wouldn't have any of it. So, I made up my mind to escape. My original plan was to get to the Saltpans and embark in a ship to Essos, but I fell from my horse, and you found me…"

"So, you abandoned your original plan…" Lyara simply stated.

"Well, yes. When I fled I had nowhere to go, so I thought crossing the Narrow Sea would be the best call. I figured I could find an occupation in Essos, as a seamstress or a maid tending to a noble Lady. I had that plan in mind when I fled, but when you offered me a place here… well, I thought it would be safe to stay. No one would come looking for someone like me in these woods. I should be safe…"

Sansa finished her tale with a sigh, and a strange sense of peace inside her. It didn't feel right to lie to Lyara all of these months, and Sansa often felt conflicted about telling her the whole truth or not. Now that she did it, she felt relief. Now, even if Lyara didn't forgive her and cast her out of her home for the lies she told, Sansa still had Sandor at her side. He would protect her, as he did so many times before. He wouldn't let harm come to her. Maybe they could flee again, find a safe place in a small village far from there, where Sansa would be a healer and Sandor… well, she would have to figure that part later. In the moment all that mattered was that the truth was told, and Sansa didn't feel as awful for lying to someone who only wanted to help her. There was quietness in the cabin, a silence only disrupted by the sound of their breathing. After a few moments, Lyara spoke:

"That is… quite the tale, girl. But you didn't tell me something… if your name is not Alysanne, then what is it?"

Sansa sighed before replying, saying that name aloud for the first time in ages:

"My real name is Sansa Stark."

Sorry for the looooooong delay. Work and life got in the way of writing/updating. I plan to return to at least once-in-a-week updates now. I don't think this story will be super long, maybe about 20 chapters or so? We shall see. Thanks for the kind reviews!

xX Amaya Xx