"Just kidding," Natsu said around a grin the second Lucy's face went up in flames. The deepening blush slowly crept further into her hairline. "There's nothing to show you, you're actin weird Luce." He chuckled a bit, squeezing her nape gently before stepping back away from her. He couldn't take his eyes off her face though, watching the clash of emotions was addictive; there was something about watching her come emotionally undone that was fun. While Natsu didn't mind a little emotional manipulation, his ultimate goal was to confuse Lucy enough to think that anything that had happened between them was caused by her. He realized the more he messed with her the wearier of him she'd become and he wanted her comfortable with him. The drake could admit that he liked how touchy feely she'd been with him while she was inebriated. Had liked the way she relaxed completely when he was carrying her, there had been no tensing or uncomfortable looks. That's what he wanted between them. All the time. The freedom to touch her and not have her shy away from him; she was his after all…she just didn't act like she knew it. He was going to fix that.
"I…" Lucy started to stutter before shutting her mouth with enough force to have her teeth clicking together. She wasn't sure if she could trust his words, he'd say one thing and do another, but it was the way he was lounging against the door jam that had her pausing; he looked genuinely concerned with a touch of amusement. Somehow, in the blink of an eye he was no longer intimidating and had an air of confused innocence about him. It was off putting in a way that had the hair on the nap of her neck standing on end; her instincts screaming it was an act. "I don't trust you, Natsu."
"That's hurtful Lucy," was whined out like she'd kicked him. Brown eyes connected with hurt onyx, "I might have lost my temper a time or two but I've never really hurt ya Luce." He said around a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. "You seemed happy enough to touch me last night."
"I….i was drunk!" Lucy bristled.
"What was that saying?" Natsu hummed, looking at her with a seriousness that made her bristle further, "Drunk actions are sober thoughts? Or something like that."
"That doesn't negate the fact that you've touched me before without my permission! Without my consent!" She was starting to shake, his dismissal of her feelings and his rationalizing of events wasn't sitting right. He couldn't always have an answer for something, he couldn't continue to shrug off what she was saying, she wasn't going to allow it.
"If you really didn't want me to touch you then I'm sorry, but you really looked like you wanted it. like you enjoyed it. You pulled me closer and clung to me Lucy, so if you didn't want me to touch you why cling to me?"
"I…" Lucy trailed off, the fight effective extinguished from her. It always boiled down to that didn't it? Had she liked it? The problem might have been that she didn't consent…but she didn't really put up a fight either, did she? "I just need some space, Natsu." She was tired and didn't know what to think. Nothing sat right.
"Fine." Natsu sighed, hands thrown up in front of him like he was surrendering as he backed out of her bedroom. "If you need space I'll give it to you, Luce. All you gotta do is say so."
"I think I'm going to lay back down." Lucy mumbled and then found herself drifting closer to her bed with the removal of Natsu from her immediate space. The second he was gone, Lucy felt like her body was no longer in fight or flight and she could relax. She was tired from being so tense her muscles hurt. Without thought, she slipped back under her covers and drifted into a light sleep.
A light sleep littered with flashes of her encounters with Natsu. Though her body was tired of fighting, her brain couldn't stop analyzing, she felt anxious. Hot. Confused. Embarrassed. A war of emotions made her sleep restless. She flopped over onto her left and was met with the memory of Natsu with his tongue dragging up her covered center- hot enough to burn but it wasn't enough, she distinctly remembered she thought it wasn't enough…she needed more. She wanted more. To run from that memory she rolled over onto her right and wished she hadn't. She found herself back in the alley with Natsu practically fucking her into the brick wall at her back, the stars that danced across her vision with his strokes. She'd been wet. She'd...liked it. With a groan and shift to her back, Lucy finally opened her eyes. She couldn't deny that she'd liked it. he'd made her orgasm and though she didn't trust him, her body hummed whenever he was near; it always had.
"This cannot be healthy," Lucy sighed. "It has to be a sort of complex. He forced himself on me all those times but I…" liked it. she couldn't finish that sentence without wanting to curl back under her comforter. This wasn't healthy. But Lucy had learned that even though her brain could recognize that, her body didn't seem to care. The memories swirling around in her mind weren't helping the throbbing between her legs. For some reason…her body wouldn't let up and her mind wouldn't stop talking. "Focus," the frustrated blond mumbled to herself, her hands fisting in the covers twisted around her legs.
She focused hard on her memories while attempting to distance the feelings that came with it. The press of his tongue to her clit had her shivering and she pushed on, being dragged into the ally without noticed had her shivering. The more she thought about it the clearer it became, blinking like a bright red light in the middle of all that chaos he caused. She had a thing for the lack of control. Lucy fisted the covers tighter, her nails digging into the soft fabric the more she rolled that word around in her mind. Control. That had been what her life had turned into the moment her mother died and her dad had began to spiral. She had to have a tight leash on herself: perfect act, perfect grades, perfect appearance, perfect life. She held on to it with tight fingers because it was all she had left, it was laid out in front of her where she could always see it.
And then came Natsu. She found him attractive, a little scary but that might be what drew her to him in that way. He was unpredictable and she couldn't read him or what he was planning to do. He was erratic and completely uncontrollable. Uncontrollable, that was it; that word shot a bolt of electricity right to the throbbing between her legs and she flushed. The element of uncertainty turned her on…sure he just did what he wanted much to her annoyance, and sometimes he made her uneasy…but he'd never truly hurt her; okay he had but not in a way that was lasting, in the end she'd always felt good…if not a little confused.
"That still didn't make what he did to me okay," pushed out with the constant twisting of her fingers in the covers. They shook and Lucy wasn't sure if it was from excitement or anger. "That doesn't make any of this okay." A flash of anger had her throwing one of her pillows, hard. It crashed into her desk and knocked over a stack of books and her pen well. The clatter had her shakily combing her fingers through her hair, this issue was making her crazy. She kept being pulled in two different directions and like she was walking on quicksand no matter which way she started moving. "None of this is okay," the ending snuffed out on a sob, "What am I supposed to do?"
Authors Note: and there ends part 2. honestly should have just shoved all this into one chapter but there's something about writing a mental decline into a character that's just so fun (maybe i really am a little messed up in the head). I hope you've all noticed a shift in the relationship. Remember that this isnt supposed to be a sweet story. No rainbows, no butterflies. Just two equally fucked up people who are sadly tied to one another...for better or worse! anyway see ya'll soon!